What are the best safe for work jokes?

Ryan Callahan — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 18:51:09 -0500

My brother-in-law has a job interview where he needs to tell a joke during it. What are some of the best ‘safe for work’ jokes?

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Dec 26 at 2018 6:52 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 18:52:35 -0500

This job sounds so great that I'd pay you to let me work here...

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 26 at 2018 7:13 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 19:13:21 -0500

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 26 at 2018 7:19 PM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 19:19:23 -0500

Ryan Callahan Here is a safe joke. I can attest to the fact that it rains and rains and rains in the Pacific Northwest. What kind of company is your brother-in-law going to where he has to tell a joke?
Q: What does daylight saving time mean in Seattle?
A: An extra hour of rain

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 26 at 2018 7:54 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 19:54:22 -0500

A peanut was walking down the street. It was a salted

Response by Maj John Bell made Dec 26 at 2018 10:12 PM

Maj John Bell — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 22:12:26 -0500

A penguin, a giraffe, and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender says "what is this...? Some kind of joke?'

Response by SPC Michael Dillon made Dec 26 at 2018 11:09 PM

SPC Michael Dillon — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 23:09:14 -0500

Do you know why a koala is not a real bear? ..... It doesn't have the right KOALAFACATIONS

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 27 at 2018 8:03 AM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 27 Dec 2018 08:03:07 -0500

A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can't believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it.

So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he's standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, "Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything."

So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change. The gorilla doesn't say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes the bartender just can't take it anymore.

"You know," he says to the gorilla, "we don't get too many gorillas in here."

And the gorilla says, "At nineteen dollars a drink I'm not surprised."

Response by MAJ Raúl Rovira made Dec 30 at 2018 4:39 PM

MAJ Raúl Rovira — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 16:39:10 -0500

I often tell a short story from the Army that has humor in it. "I don't have a joke, however, I do have a story I can tell." People always connect with stories.

Should the need be of a joke, and since I live in Alaska, I would throw a comment like, "I drink so much coffee that if a bear eats me it won't be able to hibernate for 2 years."

Best of luck to your brother-in-law

Response by SCPO Jason McLaughlin made Dec 31 at 2018 8:42 AM

SCPO Jason McLaughlin — Mon, 31 Dec 2018 08:42:27 -0500

Three Strings walk into a bar, sit down, and order a beer. The Bartender responds with, " I'm sorry, we do not serve Strings here."
The three Strings dejectedly walk out of the bar. Outside, one of the Strings exclaims, "I have an idea!" So, he twists his body and messes up his hair, and walks back into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
The Bartender looks at him and asks, "Aren't you one of the Strings, I just told we do not serve Strings?"
To which the String responds, "No, I'm a Frayed Knot."

Response by LTC John Griscom made Dec 31 at 2018 10:06 AM

LTC John Griscom — Mon, 31 Dec 2018 10:06:18 -0500

Just so many opportunities to offend someone wasted.

Response by Cpl Glynis Sakowicz made Dec 31 at 2018 5:19 PM

Cpl Glynis Sakowicz — Mon, 31 Dec 2018 17:19:59 -0500

There is one I heard recently. A woman calls an Uber, and when it shows up, she gets in and about five minutes into the trip, she remembers that she needs to make a stop before proceeding to her destination. She leans over, and touches the driver on the shoulder. He screams in terror, the car skids to a stop and the driver literally faints right there in the car.
The woman pats his face and he slowly wakes, begging her forgiveness. "No... I'm so sorry, I didn't know you'd be so scared... how long have you been driving passengers around?"
He gives a weak smile, "Just a week." He said weakly. "What did you do before this?" the woman asked, and he answers, "Well, I drove a hearse for twenty years...."

Response by SFC Christopher Taggart made Dec 31 at 2018 5:54 PM

SFC Christopher Taggart — Mon, 31 Dec 2018 17:54:27 -0500

*facepalm* ...only in white-collar job would you need to do that...unless you're interviewing to be a club/bar comedian.