What do I say to a guy I don't know, who may be suffering from PTSD (or may just be a bum)? If he's legit, how can I help him?

2016-07-19T18:32:30-04:00

I don't know the guy, he's my wife's friend's boyfriend. He has no job & plays video games all day. I don't know if this guy is suffering PTSD or if he's using it as a crutch-he wasn't IN combat but says he saw bad things in Kosovo. I never saw combat, so if he's legit how can I help? I can't "understand". He goes to VA occasionally, but has "no one to talk to". Lastly, he's coming over tonight!

Response by CPT Mark Gonzalez made Jul 19 at 2016 6:37 PM

2016-07-19T18:37:32-04:00

Bad things in a foreign land will not pay your bills. However, a sucker of a girlfriend might. The Gentleman needs to seek treatment and man up.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Jul 19 at 2016 6:38 PM

2016-07-19T18:38:06-04:00

Listen more, talk less, after...if you feel he could be helped by talking to a counseling lead him to that option.
Have great weekend as you have done right, if he wanted right to be done

Response by Col Dona Marie Iversen made Jul 19 at 2016 6:50 PM

2016-07-19T18:50:43-04:00

Listen and HEAR what he has to say. PTSD can come from any type of trauma. "Feel' him out. Observe his alcohol consumption. Get to know him, ask him in a nice kind way the who, what, when where why & how questions. Then you offer suggestions a chaplain, VA, support group if need be. Good luck!

Response by SSG Keith Brevard made Jul 19 at 2016 6:53 PM

2016-07-19T18:53:46-04:00

I was in Kosova and I don't know what kind of bad things that he thinks he saw. I think that he is using PTSD as a crutch. I was one of the first to go in with the 1st ID and I can honestly say that there was nothing there to cause PTSD unless you can get it from sleeping get in the back of a 5 ton for 18 mos.

Response by SGT Dave Tracy made Jul 19 at 2016 6:55 PM

2016-07-19T18:55:20-04:00

Apparently in his life, he has no one with ANY military background to talk to except his girlfriend's dad who believes he's a bum. That's why she's bringing him to our house tonight-kind of a light intervention.
I have known lazy bums. I have known guys who are suffering. And I have know guys who've seen and done some really unfortunate things in combat, and while I don't know if they are OK, are functional. His guy isn't.
It's a situation well outside my lane, and was sprung on me just a couple hours ago, so I appreciate any thoughts and suggestions. Thanks everyone.

Response by CPT Joseph K Murdock made Jul 19 at 2016 7:07 PM

2016-07-19T19:07:46-04:00

All I am going to say is someone with PTSD can have a dynamic personality. There are good and bad days.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 19 at 2016 7:17 PM

2016-07-19T19:17:52-04:00

It seldom hurts to listen, in fact that might be exactly what he needs. Since he does go to the VA occasionally it's possible he's already receiving treatment. Trust your gut, if he's not for real... you will likely be able to figure it out.

Response by SSG Mark Franzen made Jul 19 at 2016 7:42 PM

2016-07-19T19:42:44-04:00

I WOULD HAVE HIM CONTACT A COUNSELOR THAT DEALS WITH PTSD THAT WHERE I STARTED AND I AM BEEN LIVING WITH THIS FOR YEARS AND MY COUNSELER IS REALLY GOOD.
BUT BESURE THAT THE PERSON HAS THAT TYPE OF BACK GROUND. GOOD LUCK LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANY OTHER HELP WITH THAT.

Response by Capt Tom Brown made Jul 19 at 2016 8:08 PM

2016-07-19T20:08:03-04:00

SGT Dave Tracy As others have suggested you can hear him out, ask some questions and try to get some insights into the person. You are not an MD and can't make any diagnosis, but can suggest he visit the VA to get some sort of a professional diagnosis. He may have something really serious or something less so which can be handled by meds. If he turns out to be an obvious moocher, you can always ask yr wife to not bring him around again. You don't want to end up adopting him.

Response by Capt Tom Brown made Jul 20 at 2016 6:56 AM

2016-07-20T06:56:13-04:00

SGT Dave Tracy Can't resist checking back to see how things went with your visitor. What was your take on the whole thing and how did it end??

Response by SGT Dave Tracy made Jul 20 at 2016 12:59 PM

2016-07-20T12:59:54-04:00

**UPDATE:
He didn't stay for very long; about 45 minutes or so, and brought his service dog with--great dog too! We traded Army stories and talked a little bit about his PTSD and that he was going to the VA. His girlfriend said he would go every other week; he said it was a bit more often. Hard to tell just who's "truth" is closer to Fact.

I let him say his peace--as much as he would--but I couldn't really get a good read on him. He seemed rather guarded and didn't want to get too deep into anything. I can respect that. And I wasn't going to push. We don't know each other. Some may see that as a sign that he's hiding something, while others may think he is just a private person. Without knowing the guy (or without being a psychiatrist) I can't say one way or the other.

Not wanting to play arm-chair psychoanalytics, I offered no "profound" words of wisdom and told him I hoped the VA was helpful. I got the sense he was no big fan of the VA though.

I appreciate the input that I got from the group; especially on rather short notice. I'm sure I'll see the guy again, and will keep what y'all have said in mind going forward.

Thanks.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Jul 20 at 2016 3:57 PM

2016-07-20T15:57:22-04:00

If you have any interest and he appears to be a friend of the Family (through your wife) you may have a vested interest in helping to determine yeh or neh! I would find a way to discuss the VA and what it offers, (you know he has been and you have served) seeing where the conversation goes. Chances are if he is already involved with the VA that he has been diagnosed either way.

As for horrible things in Kosovo it is possible, things did occur sporadically, and for the opinion of others we are all affected differently by the very same issues. What Trauma is for one person may not be for another.

Good luck!

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 20 at 2016 7:02 PM

2016-07-20T19:02:55-04:00

How old is this dude? Because if he's less than 45 he didn't see anything crazy in Kosovo. I mean, its freaking Europe. When we went there we were allowed to go to the mall and go off post to get pizza and sandwiches and crap.

Response by Sherry El Dora Trinity made Jul 21 at 2016 10:15 AM

2016-07-21T10:15:07-04:00

I have a friend COL Mikel J. Burroughs who has a wonderful in home program that helps people with PTSD find community and the help he needs. Best part since he is already playing video games it won't be that hard of a switch over to him because it's virtual world. Contact the Col and find out how he can help.

Response by SPC Lee Burner made Jul 21 at 2016 2:55 PM

2016-07-21T14:55:23-04:00

I deployed to Kosovo in 2000-2001 for peace keeping operations and there weren't any bad situations except horrible goat cheese pizza at camp bondsteel so this guy is full of it! Shake the dust off your feet and move on bro!

Response by SFC Derrick Harris made Jul 23 at 2016 5:54 PM

2016-07-23T17:54:24-04:00

I was Kfor 7 and it was one of the easygoing mission I went on we took a car bomb and stop riots but nothing major I was there 1 year can home and went straight to Iraq that was a real Combat mission

Response by CMSgt Mike Esser made Jul 25 at 2016 3:48 PM

2016-07-25T15:48:20-04:00

Vett him the best you can, offer to drive him to the local VA office or VA Veterans home, let the VA determine what they can do for him. Prepare by having a list from the VA of services He\She MAY qualify for

https://www.fas.org/sgp/crs/misc/R42324.pdf

R42324.pdf

Response by CPO Jim Turner made Jul 31 at 2016 11:00 PM

2016-07-31T23:00:22-04:00

I'm sure you've been around enough to know, or at least have a suspicion, if he is lying or telling the truth. One of the first give aways; if he starts talking about where he was and what he did, as if to impress you, then he's lying. Most vets I've talked with, and I've talked with a lot, don't talk about where they were or what they did. They don't need to. You are either going to accept them or not.

Response by 1SG Clifford Barnes made Dec 17 at 2017 5:18 PM

2017-12-17T17:18:36-05:00

Just sit down and chat with him and get a feel for his action. I was in Kosovo 2003-2006 and never seen anything that could cause PTSD. Let him chain at the VA or hospital because there are tons of assistance for him. I am retired and volunteer at the VA clinic and see a lot of Veterans using this as a crutch.

Response by SFC Derrick Harris made Dec 21 at 2017 2:09 PM

2017-12-21T14:09:48-05:00

I served in Kosovo I was KFOR 7 it was one of the easiest deployment I ever did was there for a year 2006 and then came home and went to Iraq the real deal was a Combat Advisor 2008 just tell him to get help for his mental health I did 22 years I have PTSD but I don’t You it as a crunch

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 22 at 2017 3:59 PM

2017-12-22T15:59:56-05:00

I know this post is old, but this is something I see every day in my job at VA.
It is HIGHLY unlikely that he saw jack in Kosovo that would induce trauma. It just wasn't that kind of deployment.
But since he has a claim in to VA, you can bet that whatever it is that has caused him to not work, it stemmed from his service some kind of way... at least on paper. This is where the story that the Veteran tells VA creeps into the story he tells acquaintances, and makes the whole thing look like bullshit.
What I can tell you from lots of experience on this front is that there may well be another event outside of Kosovo that induced his conditions... ones that he might be less like to talk about like a sexual assault.
From what I can glean from the nuggets you have dispersed in this thread is that dude got rated based upon service and symptoms, but the link between the two (service connection) was tenuous so he reported bad stuff happening in Kosovo.
He was later granted Individual Unemployability (IU, 100%) due to his substance abuse and inability to get or maintain a job, and quite possibly the relationship failure you describe.

The docs at VA have a difficult time distinguishing "standard" mental illness from SC PTSD, especially when you can google what to say to them when you go in for exams. But there are certain key items that they look for, and just in your story he is exhibiting several of them.

Whatever his full story is, your wife's friend is probably doing well to move on from the relationship.
It takes a lot to invest in and have a relationship with a 100% rated PTSD guy. If she didn't really love him, she was wise to bail out.