What Do You Consider The Funniest Punishments Ever Handed Down In the Military?

2015-08-25T00:07:20-04:00

These are hilarious. Please add some of your stories if you have any.

Here Are The Funniest Punishments Ever Handed Down In the Military, According To The Internet
By Brian Adam Jones on August 1, 2014

http://taskandpurpose.com/funniest-punishments-military-reddit/

Here Are The Funniest Punishments Ever Handed Down In the Military, According To The Internet

A recent thread on Reddit asked “Military personnel of Reddit, what's the best/weirdest/funniest punishment you've seen handed down by a superior?”

Response by SFC John Birks made Aug 25 at 2015 12:20 AM

2015-08-25T00:20:37-04:00

Response by Sgt Tom Cunnally made Aug 25 at 2015 5:27 AM

2015-08-25T05:27:42-04:00

At Parris Island we had to do the "Duck Walk" & Quack like a duck...& the DIs kept yeilling cadence ..

Response by SSgt Terry P. made Aug 25 at 2015 6:42 AM

2015-08-25T06:42:14-04:00

Think i may have said this in an earlier post --I had to carry a full footlocker for 3 days because it was left unlocked--try doing pt or the manual of arms with a footlocker (wasn't that funny to me ,but my fellow Marines thought it was hilarious.Right shoulder- Footlocker---present Footlocker. LOL

Response by Cpl Jeff N. made Aug 25 at 2015 6:49 AM

2015-08-25T06:49:09-04:00

We were never allowed to refer to ourselves in the first person. It was always "the private" or "the drill instructor" etc. We had one recruit that continually referred to himself as "I". He did it one to many times early on. The Drill Instructor lost it and said, oh, here is Private "I". Who are your Private "I"? Barnaby Jones? Private "I", I want you to go find Lindbergh's baby. He spent a lot of time walking around, getting thrashed periodically in the quarterdeck and by other drill instructors when they found out what he was looking for. They broke him of that pretty quickly.

Response by SGT William Howell made Aug 25 at 2015 7:54 AM

2015-08-25T07:54:44-04:00

My roommate used 2000 feet of 550 cord to secure a rifle to a soldier that kept forgetting it in the shitter. He looked like a mummy walking around.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 25 at 2015 12:03 PM

2015-08-25T12:03:03-04:00

Shining "Bill the Goat's" underbits at the Naval Academy. Hysterical statue/monument of Bill the Goat that is all silver except the shiny gold colored anatomically correct exception...

Response by COL Mikel J. Burroughs made Aug 25 at 2015 1:38 PM

2015-08-25T13:38:11-04:00

SGT Private RallyPoint Member The only one I could ever remember was the dying cockroach in the middle of the rocks of Charlie 2-3 at Fort Leanardwood, MO. Except you had to hold your M-16 in both hands above your head, but similar to the pictures (for hours).

Response by SSG Warren Swan made Aug 25 at 2015 1:46 PM

2015-08-25T13:46:34-04:00

Don't volunteer for sh*t....Drill Sergeants FAMOUS words. Why didn't I listen? First up Bosnia in 95. PVT Swan you're going backfill some MP's who are headed downrange from92nd MP Co, Baumholder GE. You're going to collect sep rats, COLA, and have a blast. Ended up I was headed downrange to Bosnia with 1st Armored with IFOR. Should've learned my lesson then. Nope. I HAD to do it again. Volunteered for the MiTT mission. DON'T go to Afghanistan!! Ended up in Afghanistan. When will I learn?

Response by SPC James Butler made Aug 25 at 2015 4:57 PM

2015-08-25T16:57:31-04:00

In Airborne School, the SGT Airborne made us sing the "if all the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops..." song over and over because we weren't sounding off during PT.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 25 at 2015 6:45 PM

2015-08-25T18:45:44-04:00

French kiss by Tiny Tim?

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 25 at 2015 6:47 PM

2015-08-25T18:47:20-04:00

https://youtu.be/zcSlcNfThUA

Tiny Tim - Tiptoe Through The Tulips

The great Tiny Tim

Response by TSgt Melissa Post made Aug 26 at 2015 1:21 PM

2015-08-26T13:21:27-04:00

As to the validity of this, I couldn't tell you. But my squadron has passed down stories that there was a rock outside our Maintenance building in the smoke pit. When an airman really screwed up they had blue paint, and they had to go paint the rock.

But in basic training we had one girl who for some reason or another did not drop to do pushups or any of the other punishment that we were all doing but instead was walking around in the bays. So while the rest of us pushed and flutter kicked she had to walk around saying "I like to walk, I like to walk, I like to walk..."

Another girl (woman-she was close to her 40s and in the reserve) in basic training was extremely incompetent and was always screwing up. I don't remember what she did, but it was in the chow hall and a TI that we did not belong to ripped into her. She had either the nerve or the stupidity to tell him that 1. he spit on her, and 2. he had something green in his teeth. He was so furious he told her to start pushing. But before she could, he said that she probably couldn't even do that right and he got down and did them for her. Not sure if that is really a punishment or not though... lol

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 27 at 2015 1:51 PM

2015-08-27T13:51:25-04:00

On cruise as a Mid, I had a BM1 (the old school kind) catch me snoozing on engineroom watch. He made me take a can of NeverDull and polish every piece of unpainted metal in the engineroom. Took all night. The following morning, he put me on lookout...I still have nightmares about that guy!

Response by PO1 John Miller made Aug 28 at 2015 3:31 AM

2015-08-28T03:31:28-04:00

On a side note, these kinds of punishment are considered "hazing" now, at least in the Navy. A couple of years ago an RDC (Recruit Division Commander) was fired and I think sent to Captain's Mast/Article 15 for punishing some of his recruits by making them sing and act out "I'm a Little Teapot."

Can you believe that shit? The Navy is now softer than the Air Force! :(

Response by SPC James Seigars made Aug 29 at 2015 2:02 PM

2015-08-29T14:02:44-04:00

While I was at Ft Jackson for AIT one evening I forgot to dry the Latrine Floor after mopping. The next day when the DI came in and noticed he came out to formation and asked who had forgot to dry the floor? We were used to having to do things like using a manual push mower (wheels with 3-4 blades attached that you pushed to mow) which is harder then using a normal mower to mow the grass or using a toothbrush to clean the latrine, so nobody said anything. He threatened us with all kinds of things, still nothing (my SL had told me not to say anything) finally he said he would make everyone do some really tough exercises all day and I couldn't do that to them so I fessed up. He had me get in front of formation and told everyone that he knew I had been the one all along and since I eventually told the truth my punishment was this: while everyone else did training in the field all day until 2100 I had to go into the barracks, dry the Latrine floor and TAKE THE REST OF THE DAY OFF while getting credit for the training. Weirdest punishment ever, but from then on everyone told the truth when asked about anything.

Response by SGM Mikel Dawson made Dec 24 at 2015 12:00 AM

2015-12-24T00:00:14-05:00

Ft. Knox, Basic. We were on our final FTX. I'd just come off my 2hr guard duty and was getting myself shoehorned into the 2 man puptent, securing all my gear. I just got settled in when DS Husky's voice boomed - "2nd PLT, OUT NOW! We all got our gear on, in formation then he said "GO". We knew it meant running in place with our M16 extended over our heads. After puffing for a while, you could feel everyone wondering what happened to make DS Husky pissed off. Soon he boomed out, "You're going to run until boots grow on Dobbins' feet". I looked back and here was PVT Dobbins, in his stocking feet running in place with a big grin on his face. Dobbins, you got to understand was a little slow, a great soldier who tried to do everything right, but didn't get there sometimes. He had fire red hair and a round head, kind of like Charlie Brown. It was the OH Sh!t ´moment when you feel every thing inside you drain out!! The whole platoon had this feeling. At least it was a nice night and no rain!

Response by 1stSgt Eugene Harless made Dec 24 at 2015 5:25 AM

2015-12-24T05:25:35-05:00

We had a guy show up half drunk, late and unshaven friday morning. That after noon after everysecured I had him empty out, organize, inventoty and neatly lay the entire contents of a full trash can. I can still remember one of the items One (1) Snickers bar, slightly eaten.

Response by SGT Kevin Meehan made Dec 24 at 2015 10:25 AM

2015-12-24T10:25:34-05:00

During basic, back in '76, a guy was caught doing something wrong that had to do with cigarettes, I don't remember exactly what. Drill made him stand in front of formation and stuff his mouth as full as possible with cigs, lit them and this guy had to smoke them all. He was almost turning green, I thought this guy was going to pas out. After he had smoked them all drill asked him if he had anything to say. This punishment kinda blew up in drill's face when this guy asked for another cigarette.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 25 at 2016 9:02 PM

2016-02-25T21:02:44-05:00

The funniest I ever saw was one of the truck drivers in my unit nearly crashed his truck with his battle buddy improperly ground guiding him (he also forgot to put the chalk block, set the brakes, and padlock the steering wheel). So his sergeant took off the steering wheel 550 corded it to his arm and his buddy had chalk block 550 corded to his arm. Everywhere they went, the chock block had to ground guide the other one with the steering wheel and the guy with the steering wheel had to make honking noises and steer, and when walking backwards to make beep, beep, beep sounds of the truck backing up.

As for me, when I was in Kuwait we had incident when one of the soldiers left his M16 in Internet café. The entire Camp Buehring went on lockdown and after three hour lecture, it was mandatory for everyone to tie their weapons (including crew served MGs) to their arms with 550 cord. Being .50 Cal gunner at that time was the least pleasing thing in my life.

Response by SN Craig Ralston made Feb 26 at 2016 12:17 AM

2016-02-26T00:17:16-05:00

I remember I was slacking and got caught by our LPO, He had me scrub out all the padeyes on the flight deck with a toothbrush then paint them.

Response by Sgt Tom Cunnally made Feb 26 at 2016 8:15 AM

2016-02-26T08:15:46-05:00

At Parris Island our DIs challenged us to take them on behind the Head if we thought we were tough enough but nobody volunteered. But a few guys asked me why I didn't take them up on their challenge and I said "Why didn't you??' So later in our training we were challenged by the DIs to take them on using bayonets but in the sheaths. So I volunteered and got my ass kicked with a black eye and swollen lip. So some guy asked why didn't you kick the DI in the balls because you know they probably all had Judo training?? Again I said "Why didn't you?"" This time they all said "Because we are not crazy like you".....Here's my photo taken a few weeks after getting beaten but told not to go to Sickbay. The black right eye and swollen lip had pretty well healed when this photo was taken for our Parris Island Recruit Yearbook and Personnel file..

Response by TSgt Robin Minor made Feb 26 at 2016 10:26 AM

2016-02-26T10:26:48-05:00

I used to work Commander's Support Staff (Orderly Room), which meant we worked directly for the Commander and 1st Sgt of the unit. Our 1st Sgt had warned one of the guys in the dorm that if he had another loud noise/radio to loud complaint, that he would seize the radio. So, you know what happened next right? A couple of days pass and the 1st Sgt walks into the office with the kids radio. LOL, he then instructs us to set it up in his office and tells us he'll be back. He comes back from his house, picks a cd, puts it in the now confiscated radio and proceeds to blast music loud enough for all of us in the building to hear. OMG! That kid came running up to our office all pissed off, LMAO. We were like...he said he was gonna take the radio.

Response by PO1 RIchard Petty made Feb 26 at 2016 2:31 PM

2016-02-26T14:31:22-05:00

Now mind I did this on an aircraft carrier, so the shops were pretty much spaced out it a bit of time to get from one to another. Sent one of my airman looking for Fallopian Tube for one of our Hornet Guns that was out for maintenance, called ahead to all the shop that I was sending him to and had him sent to another shop and another and another and just played for bit then the last shop called me and said they sent him to Maintenance Control. So I called the Maintenance Chief running the desk and he said he would send him back with an explanation of what a Fallopian Tube well Chief had to use the head and the shithead 3rd class sitting there told him to go to medical. The next phone call I got was from a female LCDR (O-4 Major for all other branches) in medical asking why she had Airman "whats his face asking" for a Fallopian Tube for a gun in medical. I high tailed it down there really quick in like 2 minutes that is fast for moving on aircraft carrier going from the 03 level forward starboard frame 25 to medical at mid-ship(frame 150 or so) 2 or 3 deck to retrieve my young airman and explain to the LCDR what was going on. Needless to say after I left there I went to Maintenance control and chewed out 3rd class shithead for sending my guy down there.

Response by SGT Dave Tracy made Feb 26 at 2016 3:41 PM

2016-02-26T15:41:40-05:00

I saw a guy with a "dead man profile" receive corrective training once by being made to blink as fast as he could for about 5 minutes. Having never seen that one before, obviously, we all gave it a try. Sounds easy...until you try it.

Response by SGT Alexander Hildenbrandt made Jun 9 at 2016 1:51 PM

2016-06-09T13:51:41-04:00

Dumb PVT kept leaving his CAC Card or ID where ever he would go.
Setting: Kuwait, Camp Buering, preparing for Iraq
PVT: Lanky, Overbite, Goober

CSM watches this kid walking, dragging around an ammo can through the sand like it was heavy. The ammo can was dummy corded to his belt with 550 cord. CSM walks up to the PVT and starts digging into him asking who made him do that. The PVT's orders where to open the Ammo can where his SGT had prepared a letter to whom it may concern. CSM opens the ammo can to find it full of rocks and sand with the ID card on top rubber banded to a note.

Note: To my fellow leaders,
This PVT is the property of SGT _______ and leaves his Id whenever he stops. To assure this PVT remembers he has it, it now weighs enough to remind him. ( or something to that effect.)

CSM puts the note back in the can. Makes the PVT push while we watch while he screams at him about discipline and harsh punishments coming down from leadership not being right. I emphasis the fact he was making him push while he tells him this while waving the ID card in his face. CSM tells the PVT to report back to his SGT with orders for the SGT to come talk to CSM. PVT starts walking away and gets yanked by the cord with the ammo can attached. He picks up the can and starts to walk away. CSM shakes his head and yells for the PVT to come back and start doing push ups. Its like 105 degrees out and the kids looks like he's dying. CSM Said: "you forgot your CAC card again sunshine" and told the PVT to carry on and not to have his SGT Report to him after all.

The end.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 9 at 2016 2:06 PM

2016-06-09T14:06:18-04:00

So, we're in hand grenade training, in basic and one of the trainees falls asleep in the bleachers. Top stops the class and tells one of us to wake the guy up. Someone wakes him and Top rakes him over the coals. Then he makes the guy hold a hand grenade through the temainder of the training. All of us move away from him, and he's the only one in the bleachers. The class lasts an hour or two and this guy is sweating bullets and holding the grenade like he's choking it. Finally class is over and we're all wondering if the grenade is live. Top takes the grenade, gets us all in a pit, and tosses the grenade. BOOM! It was a live grenade. Personally, I couldn't believe Top took that chance. No one ever sat next to the guy anymore, in hand grenade training.

Response by Cpl Justin Goolsby made Jun 9 at 2016 3:03 PM

2016-06-09T15:03:05-04:00

So this was one of my favorite stories simply because of the lack of judgment and because I'm a records guy.

So a couple years ago back when I was a fresh faced PFC or LCpl we had a Sgt on SOG Duty. Well maybe it was boredom or maybe he didn't think he was going to get caught, but this Sgt decided to start stroking it in the Duty Hut. Instead of maybe going to the bathroom to relieve his sexual tension, he thought it was a good idea to masturbate right in the Duty Hut. Well unfortunately for him the SgtMaj decided to do his rounds. The SgtMaj saw what he was doing, grabbed the Duty Logbook, and proceeded to write down what he witnessed.

It went something along the lines of SgtMaj______ on deck. SgtMaj____ witnessed SOG Sgt_____ masturbating behind Duty Desk. SgtMaj_____ made entry to ensure proper documentation of all activities on duty.

My favorite past time on duty is reading the duty logbooks and by far, I don't think any post has ever been as eventful as that post.

Response by SFC Daniel Zelch made Jan 11 at 2017 8:07 AM

2017-01-11T08:07:06-05:00

I was an infantry NCO when my daughter was born. As she grew her punishment was always sit ups. She hated it, but she knew what to do when I said "Assume the Position". When I retired and returned to small town rural Mo. She was in 5th grade. One day in her combined PE class they had a push-up sit-up competition. She beat everyone by 20 sit-ups. She was so proud, no one could believe how she could do it. The boys were embarrassed to be beaten by the small girl.

Response by SPC Douglas Bolton made Jan 12 at 2017 11:38 AM

2017-01-12T11:38:48-05:00

When I was in basic, we had a surprise company formation outside by our drill Sargent. My buddy was in the middle of washing ALL of his uniforms, and had to think quickly. He put on a totally wet field uniform and ran out to the formation late. The good sergeant couldn't resist this. He made my buddy come out in front of the formation and we all laughed in cadence at him. I was his buddy, but I was cracking up anyway.

Response by SPC Douglas Bolton made Jan 16 at 2017 1:12 PM

2017-01-16T13:12:23-05:00

I guess this was a punishment for a CWO who didn't know how to march people back to the barracks.

In basic training we had just finished our day at the firing range, and our platoon leader was called to a meeting. He ask a CWO officer to march us back to the barracks. This poor CWO had no idea how to march troops.

He somehow got us in a formation, and at least said. "Forward march!" We started moving. He didn't shout cadence or anything. We just marched. As we got close to a pier he realized he had to turn in another direction. He shouted "turn left." I looked at some of the other guys, an they were smiling. I knew it was a signal to only obey strict military protocol as to commands for marching. We kept going straight. He yelled, "Stop!" We kept going. We were heading right for a boat ramp and started going into the water. The poor CWO was very frustrated until a sergeant saw what was going on and shouted, "Company Halt!" We finally stopped with the front line up to their waist in water.

We got back to the company area and the company commander had heard about the "Incident." He acted like he was upset, but his administrative assistant told us later he was laughing his #$% off.

Response by SSG Earl Corp made Jan 19 at 2017 12:06 PM

2017-01-19T12:06:57-05:00

When I was a private at Ft. Campbell direct deposit was a fairly new thing. One end of month pay the 1SG held formation to pass out paychecks. "Men, there are entirely too many paychecks in this stack," he said. We were told if we didn't have direct deposit by the next month we were to show up at 9 a.m. in dress greens with entrenching tools.
Sure enough the big day came, and there were 12 guys who hadn't signed up. They showed upas directed in the prescribed uniform with the proper equipment. They had to edge sidewalks until noon, then Top passed out the checks. Those guys were told if they didn't have direct deposit by next payday they would be edging sidewalks until 16:30. Eleven of them complied, the one who didn't didn't have a bank account.

Response by SP5 Paul Cupp made Jan 20 at 2017 8:08 AM

2017-01-20T08:08:02-05:00

Basic training Jan 1969 at Fort Leonard Wood Mo. We had a pair of brothers that were not using the showers daily.. Drill Sgt. made them craw through a long muddy ditch, then let the rest of their platoon, give them a G.I.shower outside.... Lucky for them It was not freezing that day.