What do you think about spouses who wear their husband/wife's rank?

MSG Cameron Davis — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 07:06:59 -0500

There is nothing that bothers me more than a spouse who thinks that it is ok to order Soldiers because their husband/wife is higher in rank. First, if you want rank to order Soldier, join the Army.  The real question is why do we allow our spouses to think it is ok?  I completely understand the hard roll of a spouse and what they have to put up with.....Afghanistan, Iraq field problems, but that does not make them a Master Sergeant or Major or any other rank.  That said, why do most units think that the commanders wife must be the FRG leader and then subsequently place everyone else in the proper (rank) appropriate pecking order? YOUR SPOUSES!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2014 7:32 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 07:32:03 -0500

I have only seen this a couple of times, but those couple of times are memorable. They had an Army Times article about a Brigade CMDs wife in reference to this didn't they?

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Feb 23 at 2014 7:36 AM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 07:36:34 -0500

MSG Davis, I have been in the Army for while, and as a soldier and as an MP I have not experienced a spouse with some sort of "don't confuse your rank with my authority" mentality. I am not sure if its because how I approach dependents because I treat all of them and everyone else with respect and diginity. I have experienced that same mentality from Army civilians and civilian contractors who I have many times put into their place by simply refusing to be treated with disrespect. If I every come in contact with a spouse with the above mentioned mentality I will correct it on the spot.

Response by MSG Cameron Davis made Feb 23 at 2014 7:47 AM

MSG Cameron Davis — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 07:47:15 -0500

When I was a Drill Sergeant (SSG) I had a BN Commanders wife (FRG leader) demand my wife's phone number.  My wife had already previously stated to the FRG Leader that she was in college and didn't want to participate in the FRG.  This spouse wanted to confront my wife about why she would not support the Soldiers by participating in the FRG.  When I refused to give her my wife's cell number, she asked if I knew who she was.  She went on to tell me that she was going to destroy me for not following her demands and that her husband would not tolerate this kind of disrespect.  The BN Commander never said anything to me but based upon his wife's actions, he never said anything to her as well.  I must admit, I don't see a BIG issue everywhere that requires major action but this event proves that it is out there.  As NCOs and Officers I think we need to always be aware of how our spouses interact with Soldiers and leaders to be sure things like this do not happen.     

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2014 9:06 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 09:06:31 -0500

Unacceptable. Now I can understand the courtesy that is afforded the "Commander-1SG-CSMs" wife. Why, because they serve as kind of a First Lady. But that courtesy should simply be polite. Addressing them as "Ma'am" is simply good manners when speaking to a civilian. As for the commanders wife being the FRG leader, it just makes sense. As the units FRG leader (the FRSA is someone completely different) they have direct access to the commander. I think it's easier for your spouse to bring up family issues in the unit if it's the commanders spouse. As for single commanders, I think a senior's spouse is best, just because of the intimidation factor. Now I don't mean intimidating the Soldiers, but I do mean the spouse being intimidated to lead the FRG or approach the CDR/1SG/CSM.

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2014 4:32 PM

CW5 Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 16:32:27 -0500

MSG Davis,

If at all possible, the FRG leader should be the Commander's spouse. I prefer that it is the Commander's spouse because it sets the tone and sends a clear message to the organization that the Commander and his spouse are full participants of the program and leading from the front. A Commander leads by example, and if his or her spouse is a part of that, it displays many attributes of the Army values. Additionally, maybe other spouses will follow suit to make the FRG program that much more effective. As to the latter part of your question, I have not observed such action so can't speak on it. Thank you for sharing your post.

Very Respectfully,
CW3 Jones

Response by CSM Michael Poll made Feb 23 at 2014 4:45 PM

CSM Michael Poll — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 16:45:43 -0500

Mmmmm no.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2014 4:56 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 16:56:38 -0500

I don’t believe that units have to have the commanders wife
as the FRG. I think they might have it that way because no one else wants to do
it because they don’t understand the importance of an FRG (they believe it’s a gossip
group). Although it is not true all of the time, a spouse of a CPT or 1SG for
an example will more than likely have better input as an FRG leader then one
who is married to a 1LT or PVT. My wife was an FRG leader when I was at Fort
Stewart as a SPC. Many of the spouses didn’t take her seriously until we
deployed and I had already deployed twice so she had plenty of experience.
Before the deployment no one wanted to hear from the FRG and not many people
showed to the FRG meetings. During the deployment she would receive phone calls
ALL the time asking for information and even had male spouses attendance at FRG
meetings (which was rare). So in the end I don’t think rank matters just experience
and the ability to motivate people with your confidence and knowledge. No one
cares what your rank is they just want to know that you can get them what they
need when it’s needed.

Response by SGM Matthew Quick made Feb 23 at 2014 5:11 PM

SGM Matthew Quick — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 17:11:51 -0500

If you were to ask my wife, she wouldn't even know what my rank was. haha<br><br>People, not just military spouses, take things too seriously.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2014 8:04 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 20:04:21 -0500

MSG Davis,

I couldnt agree more with you. As a military policeman I have delt with many types of service members, and persons related to the armed forces. Not to take away from any aspect of being a military spouse, however it is the service members who attented the promotion boards, and took the ACCP; not the spouses. To include your example of the FRG, this is a issue that only makes it harder to accomplish the mission. No matter if it is the FRG, or the MP writing a ticket. I notice that some of the others say that they have never encountered this issue, and I can see how that is possible. I would say, with my experiences, that this is largly influnced by the command climate. I spent my whole childhood around the army and heard both of my parents discuss this many times, so its nothing new. I think the best way around this is to speak with the the spouses and the service members, or even the !sg or Commander to get their input on the issue. It is possible that offending party(s) are not aware of what they are doing. If that doesnt work, then stop partispating in the functions you see most effect by it. Eventually people will get the hint, and if not your family's moral wont be effected by the drama and heartache it tends to bring home.

Response by TSgt Scott Hurley made Feb 24 at 2014 2:24 PM

TSgt Scott Hurley — Mon, 24 Feb 2014 14:24:53 -0500

My Ex mother in law tried that, by telling my senior leadership they should get me to do something. They basically told her and my ex father in law, who is a retired Chief. That they have no power. Not even the Chiefs would not listen to them. Flight Chiefs didn't listen to them either. I found out about it, and I even said they had no power. And my leadership agreed with me.

Response by 1SG Alan Bailey made Feb 24 at 2014 2:32 PM

1SG Alan Bailey — Mon, 24 Feb 2014 14:32:38 -0500

I am with you 100%, nothing bothers me more than spouses like this. And, when it comes to the FRG, when I was a battery 1SG my Commander and I tried to get a junior Soldier or NCOs wife to be the leader but noone wanted the job, so his wife did it and my wife was the treasurer. What really kills me that after noone wants the job they complain about the way it gets run. I think it is better if someone besides the commanders or 1SGs wife does it.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2014 3:03 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 24 Feb 2014 15:03:57 -0500

Hmm, I think they should ask themselves how they would feel if the SM takes a copy of their degree and hangs it on the office wall and says; that is my degree. Or how would they feel if the SM takes credit for that O day volunteered dish. Honor to whom honor is due and respect to whom respect is due.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2014 3:08 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 24 Feb 2014 15:08:37 -0500

I don't think it is appropriate for a spouse to "wear their service member's rank" and try to order others around. I have never personally seen or experienced an instance of this happening, but I have heard many stories of it happening. I think it is an abuse of perceived authority for a spouse to do this. I refer to the link below...

I have also seen and know wives with ACU patterned purses and other apparel that has their husband's rank and unit patch displayed on it. I understand that some are trying to simply honor their service member, but I also feel that this sends the wrong message; that they somehow hold some authority. This may be completely unintentional, but I could reasonably imagine an interaction between a PVT or PV2 and the spouse of a SGT who displays the rank and patch. A junior enlisted Soldier might not have a solid enough understanding of the military to realize that spouses do not hold positions of authority over Soldiers, might mistake the spouse for the service member, or even might be intimidated simply because he/she does not want to get on the bad side of the NCO.

Service members should treat spouses like any other civilian; with dignity and respect. We are all professionals and should conduct ourselves as such. One should address the CG's spouse the same as the PVT's spouse, in a respectful and tasteful manner. I have seen many instances where commanders and senior NCOs will address their subordinates' spouse as ma'am or sir, or by their title of Mr./Mrs.

http://www.armytimes.com/article/20100704/NEWS/7040303/Commander-s-wife-banned-from-brigade

Commander's wife banned from brigade

FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. Lt. Col. Frank Jenio was hit by an ear-splitting hourlong tirade from his commander's wife, Leslie Drinkwine, complaining about the roster of his battalion family readiness group.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2014 3:45 PM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 24 Feb 2014 15:45:27 -0500

MSG Davis,

My husband substantially outranked myself and ran an extremely devoted combat unit.

It may be long established tradition that spouses of the senior officers and enlisted personnel manage and lead family support groups in a hierarchy based on spouse rank. The old protocol book imposed certain obligations and responsibilities on wives of more senior personnel. Moreover, while this is not strictly on the books, the wives of more senior personnel are often in a better position to help in solving problems via their connections. That said, they should convey information and concern not give orders.

I never participated in family support group but I helped as an individual when needed.

I always discouraged anyone who tried to treat me different due to my husband's rank.

Warmest Regards, Sandy

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2014 4:06 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 24 Feb 2014 16:06:44 -0500

I think it is ridiculous for any spouse to wear, flaunt
or portray their spouses rank as if it were theirs. Now that’s not saying they
have not also endured the "suck" with their spouse to get where they
are. I do believe in the programs available where the spouses with more experience
and knowledge to coach and mentor the newer enlisted/commissioned spouses and
families.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2014 4:16 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 24 Feb 2014 16:16:26 -0500

MSG Davis,

I have experienced and witnessed this in my career and find it hilarious! I have been threatened by spouses of both senior and junior Soldiers. In nearly every case, I go talk to the Service Member about the incident and have always gotten an embarrassed apology.

What I found even funnier were instances where the CHILDREN of senior officers attempt to wear mommy or daddy's rank. While on Courtesy Patrol as a SSG, I detained and held a drunk and disorderly 17 year old for pickup by the MPs. He screamed that his father "the general" was going to end my career. I told him I would be sure to log that on my DA 1594 (Duty Officer's Log). LMAO

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 25 at 2014 3:10 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 25 Feb 2014 15:10:46 -0500

MSG,

I couldn't agree with you more. I was put in charge of guarding a parking lot for a COC ceremony. Only those that had a pass to park in the VIP parking area were allowed to pass. I had a 1SGs wife tried to enter into the parking lot, and explained to her that the parking lot was for VIP passes only. She asked me if I knew who she was, and then told me she was one of the 1SGs wives. She tried to tell me that she was allowed to park in the parking lot, and I asked her where her parking pass was. She said she didn't have one, but she was the 1SG's wife and she should be allowed to park in the parking lot. I explained to her without the pass she wasn't going to park in the area and that she need to park across the street. She started to curse at me, and I politely showed her where she could park at. After she parked she decided to come up to me and badger me about not letting her park in the VIP area. Then told me she was going to tell her husband. I knew who her husband was, and I'm sure he knew that I was given specific instructions about the parking area. After the ceremony was over he told her not to say anything to me, because she was wrong for trying to pressure me into letting her park there.

As stated in the FRG handbook:

"Often, but not always, the FRG leader is the commander’s spouse because the
commander believes his/her spouse can best relate to the family readiness goals.
However, every commander should consider what is best for the unit, the soldiers, the
families, and the mission."

I think that the FRG handbook should be changes, and that instead of saying that the commander selects the FRG leader or is elected by the FRG members, it should state that the FRG leader is elected by the members only. As long as the commander has the option to select or elect, more than not the commander will choose to select his spouse to be the FRG leader.

Just my opinion...

Response by SSgt Cody Becker made Mar 12 at 2014 5:43 PM

SSgt Cody Becker — Wed, 12 Mar 2014 17:43:11 -0400

Its always fun working installation entry control and having a dependent spouse arguing about how hard her husband and SHE worked to get "commissioned" and that she deserves the same honor and respect with a salute when I check her CAC.

Response by CW5 Sam R. Baker made Mar 12 at 2014 5:50 PM

CW5 Sam R. Baker — Wed, 12 Mar 2014 17:50:02 -0400

I don't allow my spouse to think it's okay and frankly never had to worry about it cause she gets along with soldier wives much more than officer wives. I don't see any rank on a spouse, but respect them all the same from the CGs wife down to young private snuffy. In my last four units the commanders wife did NOT do the FRG as it is too much of a pain and they frankly said they were not in the Army. A willing volunteer does the best work as FRG leader!

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 12 at 2014 8:01 PM

CSM Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 12 Mar 2014 20:01:13 -0400

I found a great article on-line at the link below. It is just amazing how many individuals feel "entitled". Commanders should not have to serve as mediators; spouses need to understand they are not in the military and their ID card may state the rank of their sponsor, howerver, that does not mean they are the sponsor and should "demand" a salute or what-have-you. If you have the time, read the article, it will bring to light some issues that is still ongoing in today's military. Enjoy.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 12 at 2014 8:50 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 12 Mar 2014 20:50:36 -0400

The problem with spouses usurping rank is that when a new spouse comes on board

they get it thrown in there face and they wonder why they don't want anything to do with the FRG. So instead of bringing new spouses into the fold and making them feel welcome they turn them off to the FRG. You only get one chance to make a first Impression.

Response by SGT Carissa Lara, RCS made Mar 12 at 2014 9:57 PM

SGT Carissa Lara, RCS — Wed, 12 Mar 2014 21:57:04 -0400

I see this sometimes with my patients. Thankfully it doesn't happen too often. We had one that was almost 45 minutes late for her appointment on a day that we we busy and short staffed. After we told her that she was a no-show would have to reschedule her appointment she got mad and said "My husband is a Retired COL." I just looked at her and said, "Ma'am you would you like to reschedule your appointment now or call us back later." She stormed off saying that she'd call later.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2014 2:50 AM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 13 Mar 2014 02:50:23 -0400

I think that it makes no sense at all, and I absolutely despise hearing about stories where spouses believe they have rank. They are a spouse, and have not earned any rank.

Response by SFC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2014 12:10 PM

SFC(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 13 Mar 2014 12:10:40 -0400

In reality it happens even outside of the Military a lot too. My husband would never attempt to use "rank" with anyone, he knows he is not serving and supports those who do. I have seen civilians use their spouses position to belittle others and would not use his either in such a way. If I showed up and started acting that way with his employees they would have the same reaction we do towards a spouse that uses "rank". Does it boil down supporting each other but knowing the boundaries that each have in their profession? I think it comes down to those hard conversations people seem to shy away from at times with their spouses. If your spouse is acting this way maybe it's time for a heart to heart with them. If it's one of your troops spouses then discuss the behavior with them to see if it resolved. I have had it happen more so with a service member whose parent is or was also in. They use the rank their father and/or mother have earned as their own while they themselves have very little. Occasionally you just need to break it down for them that what they have on is all the rank they have earned to this day.

Response by CW3 Nancy Christiano made Mar 13 at 2014 12:37 PM

CW3 Nancy Christiano — Thu, 13 Mar 2014 12:37:34 -0400

I used to brief the FRG leaders and volunteers on military protocol, customs and courtesies. The first thing I always told them was that there is no rank among wives or spouses. Most of them got it, but there's always a few that don't.

When my fiance was deployed (an O-6 Commander), I purposely stayed away from any leadership role in the FRG. I supported the FRG by participating in events, activities and fundraisers, but I was very careful not to be a lead. As a Soldier and AG Warrant Officer, I did make myself available to the FRG Leader for any questions she had that fell into my area of expertise.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2014 3:14 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 13 Mar 2014 15:14:14 -0400

Its an embarrassment to our establishment and a joke to even know it exists

Response by SGT Bryon Sergent made Mar 13 at 2014 3:14 PM

SGT Bryon Sergent — Thu, 13 Mar 2014 15:14:14 -0400

I guess as an MP that my favorite phrase is" don't confuse your spouces rank with my authority" spoke with tac of coarse!

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2014 5:07 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 13 Mar 2014 17:07:05 -0400

I have seen this in my enlisted days and as an officer. It is not branch specific either. If my wife did something like this she knows that it would not be tolerated, however, she is not one to be involved to an extent that it would happen. She supports my career and will make the necessary "show of support" when it is warranted. Every time I have seen this I go talk it out with the service member and get it squared away.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 15 at 2014 2:22 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 15 Mar 2014 14:22:12 -0400

I had a Major's wife tell me that I should have let her have my parking spot because of her husband's rank.

Response by SSG Laureano Pabon made Apr 6 at 2014 12:15 AM

SSG Laureano Pabon — Sun, 06 Apr 2014 00:15:33 -0400

MSG Davis I personally agree with you in every aspect, but if these spouses feel they way they do in this situation I wonder if maybe we have a military not yet known to the Armed Forces. I mean if they feel they can pull rank because there spouses are a higher rank then your own, I really wonder what goes on behind close doors when they gather together. I figures if it where me and my wife were involved, I would wonder if my wife is being given orders to do something against her free will or maybe get threaten to do something that is illegal. I mean I can see from the comment you posted a month ago how the BN commanders wife wanted to confront your wife. This sounds rather odd. I would think some type of perhaps bulling is taking place behind close doors.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 6 at 2014 10:55 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 06 Apr 2014 10:55:10 -0400

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My wife is a CPT as well. Maybe when she get's MAJ before me i'll use her rank too.

Response by A1C Joe Metcalf made Apr 6 at 2014 10:55 AM

A1C Joe Metcalf — Sun, 06 Apr 2014 10:55:20 -0400

I hate to ask this , but then how does that affect our current first lady.. Does she hold the same rank as her husband? , and/or How does this comply with the same question?

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 6 at 2014 1:36 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 06 Apr 2014 13:36:20 -0400

The husbands accomplishments within the military are his, and his rank and position have been earned with hard work. For a spouse to lay claim to the entitlement and privileges afforded to the SM by virtue of rank is just plain tacky
A wife who is proud of her husband or vice versa, is great, and it should be that way. But to use someone else's position in life to elevate yourself of your agenda is just pitiful and really makes you look desperate and unaccomplished in your own right.

This is the main reason FRGs fail. Spouses are not military and therefore are not going to willingly/voluntarily subject themselves to a hierarchy that places them "beneath" someone else in terms of role or importance. They didn't sign up for that, and when they are subjected to a spouse who approaches the FRG that way, they quickly dismiss the FRG as a haven for gossiping, disrespectful people who place too much emphasis on themselves rather than focusing on supporting the unit.

Response by Cpl Glynis Sakowicz made Apr 6 at 2014 6:30 PM

Cpl Glynis Sakowicz — Sun, 06 Apr 2014 18:30:08 -0400

I have a different point of view, because I was a wife of a Marine, and a Marine myself. The only time we actually had a problem, was grabbing the right cammie blouse in the morning. I cannot tell you how many times I went to work with my husband's rank, and every time, I'd duck out, head to the hangar and grab him before he stepped into formation.

Since I was in the Corps, I didn't have to put up with the "Spouse groups" that always demanded attention every time there was a detachment overseas. They knew I was around, but they mostly left me out of whatever they were doing, except for the holidays when it was pretty much a command to attend the Spouse meetings to plan for Christmas packages... so I showed my annoyance by bringing our twins who were "Devil Pups" from the 'git-go', and I'd smile and say excuse me, but I really have to get them home, they are tired/hungry/cranky/ whatever worked, and I'd be out the door in twenty minutes.

I do vividly recall the way some of the spouse's would look down on the lower-ranking spouses, and I never understood that. It wasn't as if they HAD the rank, but it did happen a lot.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Apr 6 at 2014 6:39 PM

PO1 William "Chip" Nagel — Sun, 06 Apr 2014 18:39:35 -0400

Never Noticed, Never Experienced. I am aware of a Base CO's wife in Germany that drove up fast to the Air Terminal left her car and ran in to pick up her husband way early and no one knew what was going on so EOD Blew up her car. Also Personal Experience first tour of duty was on CINCPACFLT Staff, Working Night Shift, Get a call on KY-3 (Cold War Secure Voice). "Can you come fix this" "Excuse Me?" "Can You Come Fix This" "Who are you" "Mrs so and so" Long Delay before I realize that it is Admiral so and so's wife, All Admirals Residence had a KY-3 in them. It had malfunctioned as was alarming. "I will have someone right over Mam". LOL!

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 7 at 2014 10:29 AM

CSM Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 10:29:39 -0400

we Kind of set this up by pure proxy the reason I say this is how often have you heard or have you yourself say I need to check with the home 6. I am not saying all spouses take this to heart but some do.

well as for the FRG in a few units that I have been in the Commanders wife didn't want a whole lot to do with it at all. So what happens id someone else usually the senior PLT SGTs wife takes over then it is game on with I am in charge you need to listen. Just my two cents

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 7 at 2014 2:08 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 14:08:05 -0400

I have not had the problem with my wife trying to wear my rank, however my wife has had dealings with FRG and spouses thinking they where their husbands rank. I remember the first time my wife had if it happen and I reminder her; her actions reflect the both of us. With that said I told her to be respectfull and put a dump truck of salt on the situation. Since she already is a strong woman she did but also respectfully reminded the spouse her husbands rank was involid when it came to FRG. It did ruffle some feathers but all in all did resolved the issue.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made May 3 at 2014 8:30 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 03 May 2014 20:30:27 -0400

HA! I was in Germany and I wrote a speeding ticket for the General's wife, it was the 7th Army CG's wife. I was just an E-5. She pulled that "Do you know who my husband is?" crap, I told her "I don't care, he's not the one driving." and handed her a ticket. I never heard anything of it, so the General must have agreed with me.

Response by SSgt Michael Hacker made Jun 3 at 2014 11:01 PM

SSgt Michael Hacker — Tue, 03 Jun 2014 23:01:56 -0400

I don't.

Response by PFC Zanie Young made Jul 26 at 2014 9:52 AM

PFC Zanie Young — Sat, 26 Jul 2014 09:52:51 -0400

Thank goodness I wasn't married when I was in... I would have had a headache!

Response by 1SG Michael Blount made Sep 12 at 2014 7:55 AM

1SG Michael Blount — Fri, 12 Sep 2014 07:55:41 -0400

WHAT?? OH HELL NO

Response by TSgt Terry Hudson made Sep 12 at 2014 8:20 AM

TSgt Terry Hudson — Fri, 12 Sep 2014 08:20:30 -0400

The Air Force has that problem too. I've had a TSgt try to pull rank on me. Luckily I'm a seasoned E-4 and I knew how to address the situation. The TSgt agreed with how I handled the situation and had a lil sit down with his wife. I'm not sure why some members allow their spouses to do that though. I think its a pride thing. Spouses become proud of the accomplishments their SERVICE MEMBER has made and feels as if they're the greatest thing on earth. I also think the service members gives them that idea. Maybe telling them hey if you ever have a problem let me know or something of that nature. Finally i think spouses get to wrapped up in the military family thing. You know key spouses or something like that. You have spouses who feel they sacrificed just as much as their service member and feel they are entitled. Luckily my was a service member and knows thats a no-go. Its actually embarrassing if you ask me. I think members should remind their spouses they have no rank unless they enlist or commission, you don't pass orders. Thats just my little 2 cents.

Response by Maj Charles Martin made Sep 17 at 2014 1:54 PM

Maj Charles Martin — Wed, 17 Sep 2014 13:54:18 -0400

I agree with the words of a 'wife' who, while standing in very long lines at the Commissary in Rota, Spain in 1988, informed another woman who had just finished her shopping and rather than find the end of one of the long lines, decided she would bypass the lines and go straight-away to an open register, "Ma'am, the end of the line is back there." The very inconsiderate, rude, rule breaking woman responded very indignantly, "Well, I am Misses So and So. My husband is the Base Commander and I am in a hurry." The woman then blurted out to the 'Base Commander's' wife, and I quote, "Honey, we all f@#$ for a living, so get your @$$ to the back of the line." This woman's matter of fact statement netted a huge round of applause from the shoppers standing in those long lines as well as myriad looks of shock and disbelief. I found it quite enlightening and enjoyed the heck out of it! Semper Fidelis.

Response by MAJ John Griffin made Sep 24 at 2014 10:10 PM

MAJ John Griffin — Wed, 24 Sep 2014 22:10:23 -0400

Two true stories:

A. The 18th AIRBORNE Corps CDR's on-post house at Bragg is a block from the Main Parade Field. Every morning the cannon goes off at 0630 for reveille 365 days a year. The Corps CDR's wife years ago in the 80s' actually called the 18th ABN CORPS MP CDR and told him who she was and would they please stop firing the cannon off every morn while she was sleeping. Needless to say, he reported the conversation to a certain LTG who we surmise had a tete-a-tete with his wife to inform her that the tradition was approx. 200 years old and as Corps Cdr he was not going to change it .

B. SAME WOMAN above ... Corps CDR's wife is traditionally the Ft. Bragg Officers Wives Club President when a predominance, though, not all officers were men. She invites a Psychologist to speak to the club. The Psychologist tells the club he wants to try an experiment. He asks all the women to go out and come back in by "RANK". Now, mind you, there are actual women officers of various ranks in uniform attending this meeting because they are also married to other Army officers. So, the Corps CDR's wife comes in first, the two DCG wives come in next having figured out which of their husbands had Date of Rank as MG/'s,the the wife of the Chief of Staff etc etc etc. When all the women were re-seated,the Psychologist spotted a female Captain in fatigue uniform. He calls her forward. She comes up to the stage and he asks her her name and who she's married to. She responds that she is married to another maleArmy CPT.

He then asks her why she came in at the tail end of the assembled women. The Psychologist asks her why she did that because as aCPT she outranked the wife of the Corps CDR. Needless to say, she blushed but the Corps CDR's wife appeared visibly angry .... Touché ... A Buck Private outranks the civilian wife of any General but these wives having been married so long to these senior officers think they deserve the trappings of their husband's rank... You know ... Like that parking spot at the PX nearest the door. It's really toooo bad the various services let them get away with it.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 25 at 2014 11:39 PM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 25 Sep 2014 23:39:07 -0400

Enough said..

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Sep 26 at 2014 3:05 AM

SFC Mark Merino — Fri, 26 Sep 2014 03:05:00 -0400

Thank you for what clearly needs to be said MSG Cameron Davis. Not only that, but so many FRG's are used as gossip circles. I would sit in and listen to the most ridiculous and inappropriate stories of "What a whore, what do you expect from someone with 3 kids from 2 failed marriages, etc.etc. Officer's wives are refered to as "ladies" while enlisted women are referred to as "women." Is that what the FRG was desgned for? Of course not. "My husband needs to finish up painting the house, can you talk to your husband to see if he can get some time off?" Barf. Spouses who were having troubles with their husband being gone for the first time were belittled "We're on OUR 3rd deployment." My ex refused to go, and she was one of the biggest pains in the a$$ out there. I have seen leaders step down because they were stepped on by the "cool spouses" and degraded with their ideas. If you want to know who has the most hostile and ineffective FRG's, just ask the AER and ACS workers. They do their briefs to all the groups and see what the units are up to. They are MORE than willing to vent their opinions to you. I know this is hard for a lot of leaders to hear, so feel free to bend by dog tags. Sensing sessions need to be conducted by impartial people from ACR/AER/Chaplains from outside of the unit, etc. You will be amazed witth the feedback that you receive. No one wants to believe that their own spouse is a toxic leader.

Response by SGT Jim Barrows made Oct 19 at 2014 12:30 AM

SGT Jim Barrows — Sun, 19 Oct 2014 00:30:39 -0400

I the only one mine bosses.I don't mind I have selective hearing

Response by SPC James Mcneil made Jan 17 at 2015 12:06 PM

SPC James Mcneil — Sat, 17 Jan 2015 12:06:06 -0500

For me to say what I'm truly thinking right now would probably not end well, so I'll just say that they're definitely wrong to do so. I've dealt with colonel's wives that thought their husband's rank gave them special privileges. It does not.

Response by SGT Jim Z. made Jan 22 at 2015 11:31 AM

SGT Jim Z. — Thu, 22 Jan 2015 11:31:40 -0500

Well I remember back in the late 90's the Post Commander's wife (BG) parked in the General Officer Parking space at the PX he was not in the vehicle. Well a MP asked her to move the car and she refused so the MP ticketed the car which made her quite unhappy and she complained to her BG spouse who said well you were wrong.

Response by SGT Monika Sloan made Jan 22 at 2015 12:34 PM

SGT Monika Sloan — Thu, 22 Jan 2015 12:34:26 -0500

There is so much to say on this topic. I don't even know where to begin. I will just say that I had the unfortunate experience of stumbling across a Facebook page that was dedicated to this way of thinking. It was a page for "NCO Wives Only". I about gagged reading their posts. They were actually signing their names Mrs. SSG this or Mrs. CSM that. I was absolutely appalled that a number of senior NCO spouses were in on this and did not know better. I think it is our job and responsibility to teach our families what appropriate behavior is in a military environment. My husband is going to receive a promotion to warrant officer in a few months. As proud of him as I am, that is his professional accomplishment, not mine. I wish other spouses would realize this reality. Nobody cares if you are married to a Captain if you are shopping in the commissary and someone has offended your delicate sensibilities.

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Jan 22 at 2015 8:21 PM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Thu, 22 Jan 2015 20:21:14 -0500

I have lots of pride. I am 37 years old, educated, with 16 years of service and three deployments, and then some civilian do what I say not because I asked nicely but because my hubs is this rank is a slap in the face. I will not comply. I will redirect the spouse in a tactful manner. I will shed knowledge, and I have done it before that Enlisted are not servant grade second class citizens and we deserve to be treated with respect and unless that person can hold us to UCMJ, ask us politely; do not order us around like we are their employees.

Response by PFC Zanie Young made Jan 24 at 2015 12:24 PM

PFC Zanie Young — Sat, 24 Jan 2015 12:24:42 -0500

I know I've posted before, but I must add: Unless the spouse is actually in the military and (not or) is holding the same rank, then the spouse has no say. Just my 2 cents.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2015 4:08 PM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 27 May 2015 16:08:58 -0400

Response by SFC George Smith made Feb 5 at 2017 8:45 PM

SFC George Smith — Sun, 05 Feb 2017 20:45:33 -0500

this is a Crock... and they had a Bunch of Spouses reprimanded By the I Corp and 9th ID commander back in the 90's ...
Bluntly... Your Spouse earned the Rank No you...

Response by LTC Stephen C. made Feb 6 at 2017 1:18 AM

LTC Stephen C. — Mon, 06 Feb 2017 01:18:48 -0500

MSG Cameron Davis, when I was growing up, we moved to Jacksonville, FL, just a few miles north of NAS Jax. She was invited to tea since she was new to the neighborhood. The hostess' husband was in the Navy, and she introduced herself as Mrs. Captain XXXXXX.
She never went back. She didn't care in the least. No one should care.

Response by SPC Rob Lewis made Feb 10 at 2017 2:38 PM

SPC Rob Lewis — Fri, 10 Feb 2017 14:38:06 -0500

As a MP I had the occasion to see this happen on more than base, stateside and overseas. 9 out of 10 times it was quickly and quietly dealt with and gone away.
The funniest time was when the CSM had us writing parking tickets and I ended up giving one to a BG wife. It was pulled because of a clerical error and we did not have to write tickets anymore. LOL

Response by SGT James Belcher made Feb 10 at 2017 6:28 PM

SGT James Belcher — Fri, 10 Feb 2017 18:28:54 -0500

FRG groups can be where a lot of this occurs. My wife retired, where I got out after 8. Her CO's wife called and told me there was a mandatory FRG meeting...I politely explained I don't care what her spouse's rank is, or what she thinks her rank is...I am not longer on active duty and I sure as hell don't have any place I have to be that is "mandatory". I went to the next meeting and informed the spouse's there that I can help them during deployments when the car wont start, or the dryer is not working correctly or with who to call questions and my number is on the list....but I wouldn't be making cup cakes or planning nay parties with them. Worked out pretty well.

Response by SCPO William Akin made Feb 10 at 2017 9:09 PM

SCPO William Akin — Fri, 10 Feb 2017 21:09:17 -0500

A DEPENDENT intimidate Me??? NOT in my lifetime, and as concerns my Wife I'll just say she is a born and raised Missouri country girl... Enough said..

Response by GySgt D Jerome Watkins made Mar 30 at 2017 1:22 PM

GySgt D Jerome Watkins — Thu, 30 Mar 2017 13:22:55 -0400

This is utter nonsense. It has been going on for years and I do not see it stopping until the spouses are embarrassed and educated to know they are DEPENDENTS. Their role is important, but if you want rank insignia on your collar, join! Shut up otherwise.

Response by SFC Harry H. made Aug 14 at 2018 3:50 PM

SFC Harry H. — Tue, 14 Aug 2018 15:50:45 -0400

Nothing burns me up more then to listen to someone else's spouse. Mine is about all I can take and some days those are iffy.

Response by SSG George Holtje made May 17 at 2019 8:47 PM

SSG George Holtje — Fri, 17 May 2019 20:47:32 -0400

I’ve heard of a LTCs wife attempt to put soldiers at parade rest, a LTCs daughter attempt to intimidate a CID investigator with her fathers rank, a SFCs wife attempt to take over the FRG because the 1SG was divorced and a CSMs wife eyeballing me like she was about to correct me on a something. My wife believed she could talk to anyone in the Army any way she wanted to without it biting me in the butt.

Response by LTC Stephan Porter made Mar 10 at 2020 2:15 PM

LTC Stephan Porter — Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:15:30 -0400

Unacceptable; the Soldier needs to correct that if done!