What hardships have you overcome in your military career?

2014-12-30T17:26:04-05:00

The resiliency of our service members never ceases to amaze me. I'm curious as to what hardships we have all had to endure. I think this discussion will be motivational to the service members going through rough times, and provide evidence that it’s possible to survive even the toughest situations. Feel free to share a story. If you are currently dealing with a tough situation, feel free to share that as well. Maybe the RP community can provide you guidance and support.

Here's a synopsis of one of my hardships.
When I was 14 I tried to commit suicide. So having firsthand experience with those emotions and thoughts has honestly helped prevent me from going down that road again. When I was in Iraq, my unit leadership was beyond awful. If an NCO didn’t like us, we would get accused of things, counseled for it, and given ‘corrective action.’ If we took these issues to a more senior NCO, we got threaten with an article 15 amongst other things that would make our lives a living hell. I received a counseling statement for notifying my first line supervisor that my roommate was stealing my things (phrased differently of course). I got a different counseling statement for talking to a chaplain. Recognizing depressing emotions in myself, I could only imagine what my fellow soldiers were feeling and if they would survive this onslaught by our NCO chain.

I spoke with EO who wouldn’t do anything, instigated a command inquiry up through the Battalion level, and went to IG. The command inquiry on paper lists clearly contradictory statements by the NCOs involved, and then goes on to state no wrongdoing was found…blah blah blah. Not sure what others opinions are but when two NCOs give contradictory views under oath about the same situation it’s hard to believe one of them is not lying. Last I checked lying under oath was in itself a wrongdoing. When I went to IG, they wouldn’t let me bring a chaplain and were extremely accusatory. Last I checked I was the victim, but I was treated like I caused all these problems or made them up in my head. I was told I had a personal problem and to ‘get over it’. Not knowing what options I had left, I stopped trying. A few weeks later, one of the soldiers in my command committed suicide (same exact NCO chain as me). But hey, didn’t you know, it’s just my ‘personal problem.’

I was 19 years old and been in the Army for less than a year.

Response by TSgt Joshua Copeland made Dec 30 at 2014 5:34 PM

2014-12-30T17:34:40-05:00

Wife almost dying, spending 3 months in ICU leaving me with a 3 yo, 1 yo, and newborn as well as worried to death about her health and recovery.

Response by CMSgt James Nolan made Dec 30 at 2014 5:53 PM

2014-12-30T17:53:29-05:00

Divorce after 18. That will turn a man on his head! All good though. Won the lottery when I convinced my new wife of 5 + years to shop in the "bruised and dented" aisle!

Response by CPO Emmett (Bud) Carpenter made Dec 30 at 2014 6:08 PM

2014-12-30T18:08:13-05:00

Single parent for 9 yrs while on active duty. I could write a book

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 30 at 2014 6:15 PM

2014-12-30T18:15:33-05:00

I was on submarines in the Navy. My (now ex) wife was pregnant and home in Texas, living with her parents, while I was awaiting housing in Connecticut. Long story short, my wife lost the baby and the Navy refused to let me go home. I was told that I was "needed" onboard as we were about to be going to sea (as it turned out for some "important" inspection that I was not part of) as well as something along the lines of "She's already lost the baby. What more can you do for her?"

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 30 at 2014 6:16 PM

2014-12-30T18:16:25-05:00

Since I have joined the military I have divorced after 6 years of marriage. I found out that I have a Step-son that same age as my younget, left with three kids to raise on my own. When I though things were better and I found the love of my life and best friend. He passed away 6 months later, the same day my son was sent to the ER for stitches above the eyes. I have lost a friend to suicide and another closet to my heart months later. And recently my father was diagnosed with inoperable Lung Cancer.

But on the upside. I am still ticking, my babies are excelling above and beyond at school. I reenlisted and if I can keep out of trouble hopefully soon I too will be an NCO. Everyday I get to experience something new and well in a few short months I am off to my new duty station.

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 30 at 2014 6:24 PM

2014-12-30T18:24:38-05:00

I just wanna say, SGT Kristin Wiley, that your story - in your short life - is impressive and inspiring. I don't feel like I had to overcome hardships in my military career. I feel like I have pretty much led a blessed life, especially during my active duty years. I think my expectations were quite different while I was on active duty, and they informed my expectations after I retired.

The most traumatic event in my life happened in August 2009. My 27-year-old daughter, who had struggled with drugs for several years (heroin, among others), died of an overdose of cocaine. We thought she was on the path to recovery ... In fact, I still think she was on the path to recovery, but she "slipped" and took some cocaine (not her drug of choice), and it killed her. Sadly, she hung on for a few days (on machines) in the hospital, but the doctors showed us there was no hope of recovery and that she was brain dead, so we made the tough decision to stop life support. Even though we knew in our heads there was no hope, it was a tough decision to make, probably because hope (in our hearts) never wants to die.

That was about three and a half years after I retired (just over five years ago), and I think about her (Courtney was her name) every day. That incident rocked my world, and not in a good way, obviously.

I guess that counts as a hardship, but it wasn't during my military career. The whole episode strengthened my faith in God, which I count as a silver lining of the sad affair.

Response by Sgt Jennifer Mohler made Dec 30 at 2014 9:30 PM

2014-12-30T21:30:43-05:00

Divorced after 6 weeks. Turns out monsters hide their psychosis really well.

Response by SFC Michael Jackson, MBA made Dec 31 at 2014 8:12 AM

2014-12-31T08:12:30-05:00

When i came back from Iraq, I was on "recovery" leave. my mother went into the hospital for heart problems. While i home visiting her my daughter became ill. She had to helicoptered to the children's hospital. Had surgery on her lungs and spent three weeks in the hospital. My mother died the day my daughter was released from children's hospital

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 1 at 2015 1:29 AM

2015-01-01T01:29:32-05:00

When I was a kid, had military doctors tell me all my life that I could never join the military because I had elbows that would not physically straighten out. Destroyed me knowing I would not be able to follow my dad’s footsteps in serving. Several years later, senior year of JROTC, my instructor convinced me to apply for an Army 4-year scholarship just to see if I could get a medical waiver. Long story and journey but here I am today.

The cliché troubles of marriage on a deployment.. Wife told me she loves me but is not in love with me anymore and feels we are growing apart. We have been together for 4 years and yet, she’s unwilling to put in effort to work things out. 5 months left on this deployment unknowing if I will come home to a wife that will stand by my side or not.

I count my blessings and I am surprised how resilient I have proved myself to be getting through this holiday season in Afghanistan taking each day at a time.

Response by MSgt Rob Weston made Jan 7 at 2015 6:10 PM

2015-01-07T18:10:07-05:00

Being geo-seperated from the wife and kids for the last three years of my career. It was a joint decision when I receive orders since Altus, Ok does not have much in the way of employment and we have our own house as it is. The hardest was the one week here two week there visits every quarter.

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 29 at 2015 3:41 AM

2015-04-29T03:41:19-04:00

2006 - Broken hip; broken ankle; grandmother died.
2007 - Alcoholism; battle buddy from Basic shot and killed on his deployment.
2008 - Battle buddy from Basic blown up on his deployment.
2009 - GF wanted to get married, yet cheated the entire deployment and blamed her aunt and uncle for telling her it was ok to "have fun" while I was away [lied]... she made it up to justify her actions; more alcoholism; father tells me he has a cluster of brain tumors and lung cancer
2011 - Father's health gets worse.
2012 - Forfeit promotion to go to EOD only to be dropped because they don't want NCOs anymore.
2013 - Arrive to Bragg and deploy 10 days later despite wife having two broken legs; friends kills himself; buddy who was watching my truck while I was deployed trashes it; $4500 to replace my front axle, four rotors and alternator.
2014 - Father looks frail having lost 40 lbs in the last two years.
2015 - In Kuwait and father tell me on the phone he's hanging himself; father later tells me he wished he drowned me as a child (still in Kuwait); entire family has lied to me that last 25 years about everything that has happened (still in Kuwait); find out father died (still in Kuwait); Find out father is not dead, had conned friend into telling me he was dead to hurt me (still in Kuwait)

Good enough?

Response by TSgt Kevin Buccola made Apr 29 at 2015 8:54 AM

2015-04-29T08:54:32-04:00

Sudden death of a parent, brother diagnosed with cancer, found out my wife was cheating while I was deployed (numerous times) ending in divorce - that was a hell of a year - then after getting my life back together paying off all past debts of hers - a hurricane took the remaining.

But yet I am Still smiling and Living the Dream!

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Apr 29 at 2015 9:15 AM

2015-04-29T09:15:07-04:00

It is not our hardships that form us, but what we do about them.
You can not live life without failures and hardships...
I can not textualize a woeisme post.. but I will not look down on those that can.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 29 at 2015 10:56 AM

2015-04-29T10:56:08-04:00

Oh SGT Kristin Wiley I hear you about NCO's and OIC's writing you up for no darn reason at all. I got like 5 counseling statements, about things that happened months ago, in one day. They literally pushed me to the point that I had to go and see a mental health professional so that I wouldn't go just ape shit on them. I got into trouble for volunteering, then I got into trouble for not volunteering. I was damned either way. I showed my 1sgt all the statements, and he threw them away. He saw that I was being "picked on." The crazy thing is, that I had NO idea why at all. My OIC was a female... we got along great when she first got there, then she got on her period for the next 3 months... Whew her attitude.

I was sent to Germany because I had gotten hurt. From there, they sent me home so that I could have a minor surgery. And just like I thought, she had called the rear and told them that I basically went AWOL. That I wasn't supposed to get on that plane to go back to Ft. Hood. Because I thought she might say that, I brought the discharging papers with me that morning and the rear OIC looked at me and asked "Why would she say that if it wasn't true?" I shrugged my shoulders, and my NCOIC said, "Well, she wouldn't know Ma'am." And I didn't know.

When the OIC was redeployed back to the original unit, the first thing she did was write me up again. Lol. I don't even remember really what it was about, I just know it was ridiculous and my SSG got it and basically tore it up right in her face. Lol. She just did NOT like me. Tried to stop me from receiving my E-5. Just ridiculous. I had to be moved to another section because they saw how she was treating me. I laughed. I really did. I thought it was hilarious. I only worked half days because I was hurt, but I guess she just thought I was a big liar. LMAO.

SSG Cunningham committed suicide, I think, because of the rear. She had told me right before that she wished she would get deployed, to get away from her problems... they wouldn't allow her. I don't understand why.

And I had another problem with the NCOIC of another unit. She used to be my Drill in AIT. I was plt leader and then the 1sgt. Again... she didn't like me but I really think I know why this time, and I am not ready to share the story yet.

So I really sympathize with you. I hope you are doing well today. We gotta take it one day at a time. When I got my E-5, I thanked the OIC for showing me How NOT TO BE. Without the assholes, we wouldn't know how not to act. So they perform a little service. I'll be praying for ya! SSG James J. Palmer IV aka "JP'

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Apr 29 at 2015 1:18 PM

2015-04-29T13:18:55-04:00

My wife and I have PTSD. Our daughters don't understand or resent us. We forget to do things. We take it one day at a time.

Response by SPC Charles Brown made Apr 29 at 2015 5:17 PM

2015-04-29T17:17:14-04:00

To be honest my biggest hardship in the military was learning how to get out of my own way. I went up and down in rank so many times in my first 3 years (1979-1982, yes I know I am old) that I earned the moniker of elevator. I was my own hardship.

C.

Response by SGT Suraj Dave made May 1 at 2015 5:49 AM

2015-05-01T05:49:11-04:00

I went through a couple different things, got some UCMJ, got in some bad situations.... but aside from that, I would say the worst experience I had was when I was a 19-20 years old and I was in an evac platoon. I was one of few males, and it was terrible. Us few males did all the worst details, when we got in trouble the female NCO's would make a scene to embarrass us (opposed to pulling the female soldiers into a treatment room and talking to them), ate last usually and had the least amount of time, etc.. etc... The female NCO's formed cliques with the female soldiers and protected them from doing work and generally crappy stuff, but that's not how it really worked for us. Things got even worse when we got a feminist platoon sergeant.... she kept calling our platoon "Her girls", it was embarrassing... that and I developed posterior tibial tendonitis because I was literally twice her size, and much taller then the females, and running at their painfully slow pace eventually got me into crutches and ankle braces for a couple months. When I hit 2 years in the Army, she refused my SPC promotion (Though its automatic, I got a new ID card, my ERB changed rank, LES changed etc.. etc...) she told me it wasn't automatic, it was a mistake and all the money would be collected back. I had never been flagged, gotten UCMJ, failed an APFT etc... up until that point. She started having me counseled for being "Anti-Social with the platoon". I went and talked to EO, hoping I could get transferred else where, but EO doesn't do that for you.... they try and "fix" it. After that stunt I ended up on post police picking up trash every weekend. At this point I had it. I started filling out 4187's requesting reassignment to another battalion... or even to Antarctica. I didn't care. I just didn't want to be there anymore. My PSG kept kicking my 4187's back saying she wanted them re-written, or she didn't like the wording, etc.... So I utilized the open door policy. When I got up to 1SG and he said he didn think it was a good idea, I asked to see the Battalion CSM.

I got moved the very next week, and got to put the rank on I earned months ago. My next unit and next PSG were much better. They got me promotable, and within a couple months I made SGT. A couple days after I got a hero of the battle citation by Eagle 6. I earned lots of awards and recognitions, next to my 1-1 ncoer. I saw this former platoon Sergeant of mine around ft Campbell when I got back from my second deployment. I was actually clearing post, and saw her at one briefing because she was PCSing. She wasn't happy to see the stripes on my chest at all. As she kept trying to look away from me as I made eye contact, I made sure to walk up and talk to her on my out. "Hey there SSG E****, hows it going! You remember that time you told me I would never make it above the rank of PFC?" Without giving her time to answer, I just laughed as I walked away.

But that time I spent in that Evac platoon affected the way I perceived females within the Army for a very long time, until I met some genuinely good female NCO's.

Response by PO2 Kevin LaCroix made May 6 at 2015 1:18 PM

2015-05-06T13:18:29-04:00

Learning how to deal with others bigotry, sexism, abuse, death threats(to me), horrible leaders, cheaters.

Fortunately I also had great leaders, make some lifelong friends, and saw some great places.

In my mid 40's I was depressed and near hopeless and suicidal I got help. Part of my long lasting issues stemmed for living with death threats from a few of my shipmates on my first ship.

I grew up believing in fairness and equality. For me, the Navy was both the cesspool of humanity and one of the most profoundly good expirences of my life. I miss the good parts of military life daily, but I would not change the 25 years of marriage to the same woman nor give up my 4 kids for anything.

Response by SFC David Reid, M.S, PHR, SHRM-CP, DTM made Aug 13 at 2019 9:53 AM

2019-08-13T09:53:55-04:00

Too many to specifically mention! Just to last in a military that's constantly changing- is an accomplishment!

Response by Robert Harris made Jul 9 at 2020 2:03 PM

2020-07-09T14:03:28-04:00

I survived Racial Discrimination from a Naval Bootcamp whereby Officers didn't know their own History about the Attack of Pearl Harbor & the reason Why it Occurred; being denied Medical Treatment for Food Poisoning as the entire Naval Bootcamp was locked down & for breathing into my lungs the gas our Company was exposed to.

With the Fleet, I endured the same bs from a Lt. that continuously Persecuted me, which caused me to sleep in different sections of the vessel whereby other sailors rarely went to. Then as I provided advance Warnings to this Lt, he ended up ignoring my warnings and retaliating against me as he caused the death of a sailor, losing the entire anchor and chain and ordering me to stand in Front of the chain (I refused the Order & there was 2 witnesses); being Forced to paint the bow of the ship while underway and being abandoned to dodge the waves from the bow cutting the water & not getting entangled into the 3/4" line; spending 89 days in the Brig's Hole for a crime that I didn't commit is the typical racist bs I endured from 1976 to 1978.