What is the best way to handle the situation of a longtime peer suddenly becoming a NCO and supervisor in charge of soldiers/friends?

2017-07-13T13:27:44-04:00

I know the general answer is to treat them with the same dignity, respect, and discipline that you should show to any other NCO. I just wanted to ask for general opinions, stories, or advice that might be used to help other soldiers dealing with this very common situation. Thank you.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 13 at 2017 1:40 PM

2017-07-13T13:40:02-04:00

It depends on what you mean by "handle" and also depends greatly on whether or not he/she is now your supervisor. If this is the case, then you need to try and treat them with the respect that their rank/position is due--especially in public.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 13 at 2017 1:54 PM

2017-07-13T13:54:04-04:00

You don't "handle" anything. You accept the fact that they are now an NCO and you treat them accordingly.

Response by SPC Brady Allen made Jul 13 at 2017 4:19 PM

2017-07-13T16:19:59-04:00

With this situation, I think there needs to be a fine line drawn in the sand. I think that yes, since he has earned the rank, then it is well deserved and should be given. If you both are long time friends, I think you would want to give him that respect. However, with friendships/Peers, there needs to be a mutual understanding between work life and off time. I see it in units all over, where Soldiers are buddy buddy with there NCO, and honestly, it looks really unprofessional. My past leader used to say a phrase that will always stick out in my mind, which was "The Army is a big boy game, and we all need to learn to play by big boy rules." Meaning, we are all adults, and if we can't handle changes and decisions that are made, then deal with it or get out. Not saying that you aren't dealing with it, but we need to all have a sense of maturity when these situations occur.

In my situation, I was demoted from SGT to SPC, and out of respect I went to Parade Rest for my past peers. Why? It wasn't because I felt like I was worth less than they were, but because the environment changed and I still wanted to be an example to others. While they called me bro and told me to knock it off, I simply told them "SGT, just trying to do the right thing." Now when 7pm hit, were we still friends and hung out and watch movies, yes. But we were adults, and knew how to handle situations accordingly.

So in the end, in your situation, I would sit down with your past peer and set clear boundaries and make sure you hold each other to them. It can be very easy to create blurred lines in the work place. But I can't urge you enough to be an example to others. Because whether you like it or not, people see how you carry yourself.

Lastly, I will say, watch for fraternization. If you guys used to get "Tore Up" (as young soldiers say in todays Army) in the club, that is no longer a thing. He has made that switch and you should to. I like your post and this is something that many Soldiers should take more seriously. I believe that since you are thinking about this, you are already one step ahead of your peers. Keep it up and make you way to that promo board, so you can be Peers once more!

Response by Cpl Thomas Kifer made Jul 13 at 2017 5:56 PM

2017-07-13T17:56:44-04:00

In the Marines, when I was a LCPL, life was pretty easy. Get to work on time and do as your told. At the end of the day, PRIVATE's, PFC's and LCPL's could entertain one another as the chose. Once I made CPL and became an NCO life with those I hung out with changed dramatically.I don't know how it is now but back in the 80's or maybe it was just within my particular unit, but there was definitely a separation. Enlisted, NCO's and Staff NCO's all stayed within there groups.Don't get me wrong, my friends were still my friends and occasionally we hung out, but I was treated differently, but still in a good way. My subordinates would be couscous when doing something with a mischievous intent. Or when one tried to skate out of thier responsibility. There was a time when a GySgt. tried to write me up when a subordinate was a little disrespectful. I waived it off and my Gunney said if I didn't write him up, the Gunney would write me up. Though the choice was ultimately mine to make, my Gunney was trying to teach me that, sometimes those under your command will get complacent and test your metal as you grow into your new position of authority. I have learned there are thseveral who command respect and those who demand respect. Be the one who commands respect and your men will follow you when you need them the most. And they will respect your command.

Response by CPL Matt Kohls made Jul 13 at 2017 7:42 PM

2017-07-13T19:42:33-04:00

The new NCO should immediately inform his chain of command of the relationship and request to be re-assigned to a different platoon or company. If this is not possibly he and another NCO from a different squad should switch positions.

Response by CPL Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 13 at 2017 9:15 PM

2017-07-13T21:15:17-04:00

From my Experience... One of the best ways to "handle it " treat him with the respect of a nco when in front of peers and subordinates alike just like you would anyother nco what you guys do after work as friends is not important and as far as everyone else is concerned never happened but make sure that is where you leave it .. outside of work

Response by LTJG Richard Bruce made Jul 14 at 2017 12:01 AM

2017-07-14T00:01:12-04:00

Best to transfer to a different unit. Even if nothing wrong happens, there is always a doubt concerning everyone's actions. Detailers usually have billet rotation cycle schedule that coincides with the promotion boards. Promotions come with new assignments. Many officers (O-4 and up) refuse promotions due to unfavorable duty assignments. Those who don't go, go out.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 14 at 2017 9:54 AM

2017-07-14T09:54:37-04:00

It's a difficult task for some. You have to realize that this soldier is now in a management position. Their job is now to look out for their soldiers best interests, not their own. At times this might contradict their friendship with people they have come up through the military with. I'm a firm believer in switching at the least the NCO to another platoon when they are promoted, as previous relationships could interfere with their ability to lead effectively. But that's just the opinion. Everyone views this differently.

Response by SSG Scott Kennard made Jul 15 at 2017 12:26 PM

2017-07-15T12:26:42-04:00

I dealt with this as a young NCO. I was a 20 year old E5 and found myself squad leader to my friends. Most of them showed me the respect that the new rank brought, others were jealous of my promotion and one didn't care about listening at all. I explained that I had to hold myself to a higher standard and the "smoking and joking" had to stop. Ultimately I was moved to another platoon. Not because it was hard to manage my leadership and friendships but I thought it to be better on everyone, which it was. Maybe seeing your former battle buddy, now Sgt leading other soldiers places them in a new perspective, and separates them from the situation. So my advice would be a transfer, but maybe not a transfer that takes you out of you unit. It takes years to build good working relationships, its somewhat counter intuitive to undermine the readiness and integrity of the unit to get rid of good soldiers based solely on the fact they were promoted.

Response by CSM Michael J. Uhlig made Jul 15 at 2017 1:19 PM

2017-07-15T13:19:27-04:00

To add to your answer above: Use that transition of your friend to really get motivated, getting into the same mindset as your former peer and move up with them thus making the organization that much stronger. Your friendship lets us know you trust each other and that trust can lead to so many positives for the organization: combination of training opportunities for the teams/sections, relying on the others strengths to help improve ones own performance....this is a great opportunity and can be a great asset for the unit if cultivated correctly. Best to move the newly promoted NCO to another Platoon as many have indicated.

I applaud you for asking this question and that you had the courage to do so! This is a great opportunity and forum to ask this question as this is an area without retribution (and should be as we all are adults), and a great opportunity to learn from multiple perspectives!

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Jul 15 at 2017 1:24 PM

2017-07-15T13:24:43-04:00

Lots of good advice on what you do outwardly. Not much on looking inwards. When a peer you've known a long time shifts into something new like a leadership position, your view of that former peer will change. It will change by what you observe or maybe what the scuttlebutt is you get over time. Some people's attitude towards you may shift a bit knowing you were perhaps in tight with the new boss, hence don't know if you leverage that to your advantage.
The reason the "respect" piece is so valid is that it reduces the chances of something going sour down the road, supports the CoC, and demonstrates you're into teamwork and mission execution. Also realize it happens everywhere and especially on the OFF side. I recall a peer as an O-2 was a total Alpha Hotel. He never fully got over it, even when he passed me by into Flagdom. We weren't either's cup of tea, but we respected each other and kept it that way. It's how life works and you'll do more damage to yourself fighting it than it's worth.

Response by SGT Mark Halmrast made Jul 15 at 2017 1:44 PM

2017-07-15T13:44:14-04:00

Three aspects that I experienced that make it successful.

1. Promote the right person. When the real leaders are promoted, it goes a long ways toward reducing friction because the respect was already there to start with.

2. Treat the new NCO with respect, as noted, and also realize that the newly promoted E5 leaves his "old" E4 role behind and someone (you!) can pick up where he left off by being a leader amongst the enlisted team.

3. For the new NCO, treat the team with respect and SERVE THEM selflessly. And if one of the troops does step out of line, recognize it as a test and treat the situation with a firm and fair hand.

Being in a recon platoon, it was common for newly promoted E5's to stay in the platoon, and those are some of the things that I observed that made the transition effective.

Great question.

Response by CPL Erik Gonzalez made Jul 17 at 2017 11:44 AM

2017-07-17T11:44:23-04:00

There is a fine line between work and friendship, don't confuse the two and you will be fine.

Response by CPL Jeffrey Harvey made Jul 18 at 2017 12:58 PM

2017-07-18T12:58:49-04:00

Response by SSG Robert Perrotto made Jul 18 at 2017 2:42 PM

2017-07-18T14:42:26-04:00

Best way I have seen this happen is moving the new NCO to a different platoon, Ideally to a different company - it is very hard for a new NCO to remain friends with his buddies, especially if he now has to lead them, without looking like he has favorites, even if it in untrue, the perception would still be a stigma.

Response by SPC Paul Reicks made Jul 20 at 2017 3:24 PM

2017-07-20T15:24:06-04:00

Definitely would not let them drop me regardless of consequences- absolutely no way. Address them the right way and give them respect. In order to get respect from your soldiers, you have to give it

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 21 at 2017 6:27 PM

2017-07-21T18:27:48-04:00

All great and relatable NCOs relate to soldiers.

Response by CPL Ralph Moschler made Jul 22 at 2017 1:51 PM

2017-07-22T13:51:05-04:00

Do what your told , respect rank always , and he still your bro

Response by LTC Bill Koski made Jul 22 at 2017 2:13 PM

2017-07-22T14:13:58-04:00

This happens every day and is part of the leadership process. Give them the respect and courtesy due the NCO. As a peer, undertstand your day will come. No need to sharpshoot or undermine. Be professional. If there is something wrong, politely and professional ask for clarification. In combat, the next Soldier up drill becomes reality. Other Soldiers will see how you treated the new NCO and could treat you the same way. The US Army is a professional Army, everyone volunteered. The time for joking and smoking will come once folks are settled into things.

Response by CPL Chris Reynolds made Jul 22 at 2017 7:48 PM

2017-07-22T19:48:16-04:00

I think soldiers becoming NCO's should be moved to a different company because " fraternization" is bound to happen between friends & as that new E-5 its not allowed

Response by SGT Matthew S. made Jul 23 at 2017 3:09 PM

2017-07-23T15:09:37-04:00

When I made E-5, I remained in the same Platoon & Squad as several of my peers who I was good friends with. Several of them also became NCO's later on, but before that point we still worked together and spent time together off duty. We still all worked together every day, and the camaraderie was still there.

We all knew, though, when it was time for business. I had no issues handing down instructions and they had no problems following my orders. When the switch flipped & it was time for Army business, every one of us was as professional as you could ask for - both in garrison and while deployed.

I think it comes down to the personalities of the people involved and everyone knowing & respecting what the bounds are. When it's business time, you stick to business along with not allowing a perception to form that would appear to outsiders as unnecessary or unprofessional fraternization.

Response by SSG Eric M Hersh made Jul 25 at 2017 2:49 AM

2017-07-25T02:49:04-04:00

u joined so its up to a mother eco to give the orders. put in for a transfer

Response by CPL Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 6 at 2017 7:13 PM

2017-08-06T19:13:32-04:00

Its easy. Check it at the door. I'm good friends with plenty of ncos, just have to know how to separate work from play.

Response by SPC William Bryan made Aug 11 at 2017 1:42 AM

2017-08-11T01:42:06-04:00

Sorry man but the best thing I found to do was celebrate the promotion with them and then you just kind of drop out. You can have a working relationship but the buddy thing is over, it will never be the same.

Response by SSgt Boyd Herrst made Aug 30 at 2017 5:16 PM

2017-08-30T17:16:11-04:00

A sitrep like can arise in any branch and different facilities may handle it a little different as well.. items such as familiarity with past peers versus interaction with new subordinates. Will his Commander and Supers get him ordered to some new duty station or wait out and see how the new NCO works out.. it could work and may be better he goes to a new duty station. I can 't say that has happened to me.. In the Reserve unit I was assigned, I was there less than a year then I went Active Duty. I was there not long and some Airmen that were my new peers were still Airmen, A1Cs when I went O'seas. One that. Knew of that was our 1st Cook that was A1C had a line number for Sgt. But I never had to work under him
While he had that new rank. I'm thinking he would have been good to work with/for,
Him at that new rank. To me, 1st Cook
Was like having responsibility of a Sgt. But without the stripes. Like any duty in the Air Force if one is in charge of making sure the equipment is operational or as in my career field that all the products are prepared to recipe by those assigned .. The Shift leader is pretty much administrative as far as shift goes along with making sure the product is prepared to Specs. The 1st Cook does and oversees the actual cooking.this is a commercial 1st Cook break down of
Responsibilities:

1st/ Head Cook Position:
The Head/1st Cook position is responsible for some planning and directing food preparation and cooking activities. ... Ensure quality of food and portion control, requisition food and kitchen supplies and equipment, schedule staff, and supervise cooks and kitchen staff. So 1st Cook replicates closely to the Shiftleader.

Some people think cooking is the easiest job in the Air Force or which ever other Service people serve.. those that remember pulling kp and what they had to do.. And some of them don't get the "whole picture".. I had works for my Great aunt in her kitchen at her restaurant. Being family relation I could do more within the law in the kitchen than
Kids my age. Kids my age that came from the outside, could not operate an electric mixer or slicer or buffalo.chopper,
or grinder attachment unless 18 years of age. New law now say that even minor relatives are subject to the same sanction.
When I was at Selfridge I operated the different Hobart Mixers, buffalo chopper, grinder attachment and I was 17 at that time. I was taught.. well retaught.. had to make it official.. hmm..? I was in Indiana at Grissom AFB and I was mixing cake mix on the Hobart. A Sgt. commented:
"Didn't you say you were 17 ?" "Yes I did."
"Shut that machine down, you can't operate it, you're not 18!" So I shut it down. The SSgt asked why, I told him the SGt. Said I couldn't because I'm not 18.
"Bullocks(or s'thing in that vernacular) you got two stripes on your sleeve, you're in the Air Force Reserve preparing food on a federal base.. The State of Indiana can..."
So I started back up and finished mixing the mix and baked the cakes.. Nothing more was said, not to me anyway.. I didn't get too many mixing, grinding or chopping jobs on Hobart or other equipment.. The base JAG put in their two cents: If we actually had to follow this state law we'd lose a bunch of 17 yr. old Airmen not just as cooks but heavy equipment operators.. We need them ..
I was one of those that joined right after my 17th Birthday. Maybe now there's a reason for waiting until close to the 18th Birthday.. Other factors play in also..

Response by PO1 Rick Serviss made Oct 21 at 2017 6:50 PM

2017-10-21T18:50:44-04:00

People have to be mature enough to recognize that their peer can be promoted over them and accept the fact that a work, this peer is your boss.

Response by LTC Jason Mackay made Oct 21 at 2017 8:17 PM

2017-10-21T20:17:45-04:00

Avoid situations that would put him on the support with regard to your existing relationship with seniors and subordinates. The "what's up with your boy?" Syndrome. It could back him into a corner. Back your friend up by backing his leadership. Back away rom gripe sessions, they will happen regardless of who is in charge.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 5 at 2017 2:34 PM

2017-11-05T14:34:34-05:00

It doesn't create a problem in the Royal Army, Air Force, Marines, or Navy. Why should it create a problem in the US?

Response by SPC Douglas Hamilton made Jan 4 at 2018 11:48 PM

2018-01-04T23:48:48-05:00

The new NCO should be transferred to another unit.

Response by Maj John Bell made Jul 10 at 2021 11:30 PM

2021-07-10T23:30:38-04:00

When possible, the new NCO was transferred to a different Battalion or at least a different company. When transfer was not possible, about 9 of 10 realized the relationship was different and didn't push it. But the 10th guy could be a problem, and it could come down to a showdown, occasionally resulting in punitive action.

Response by SGT Erick Holmes made Aug 13 at 2021 5:54 PM

2021-08-13T17:54:24-04:00

Simply put treat them like you have been treating other NCO's. Respect the rank and the person