What is the best way to tell your unit that you in no way shape or form want an ETS award from them?

Oh, this needs to have a story time to enlighten us as to what is up. But to answer your question, there are many routes you can take. You can do the extreme direct approach and not walk up to the Commander when called. Or, you can walk up and THEN tell the CDR to their face you don't want it. You could walk into your 1SGs office and state your case. Or, you could run the request up through your TL/SL/PSG and have them relay that request to your 1SG. OR.....and just hear me out.....you could simply take the award when it's presented.....ya know, be that NCO that sets the example....then about face and drive on with your life. Because in the end, if you take any of the options that were listed prior to the just taking the award and moving out, then you could set the bad example to the rest of the Soldiers (especially the Junior Enlisted) within the unit which could then in turn create even more issues within the unit in regards to morale and discipline. I would gather that you have a rather bad taste in your mouth for your unit and probably the Army as a whole, but remember this.....until that ETS date rolls around, you are still in the Army and you are an NCO. Operate as an NCO.

Hmm....
I would say "Suck it up and take the award, you may not appreciate the award right now BUT you or your children might some day in the future."
My father passed away when I was 11 and served in the Army some 20 years prior to my birth in a time (1950's Germany) when all you could basically get for awards for service were for acts of Heroism or a Good Conduct Medal. To commemorate his short military career all we have is a few pictures and a DD214 (with the awards block blank). Based on the DD214 and some second hand info from my mom all I basically know is his MOS and his UNIT. I do not even know which MOS was his primary and which was his secondary, I just know, he made it to SP4, and had been to Fort Dix for Basic, then Engineer School @ Fort Belvoir for "Engineer Equipment Repairer" and then Aberdeen Proving Grounds for "Welder Blacksmith School." then sent to his unit in West Germany. He was discharged from Active Duty just shy of 3 years "because of transportation back to the United States" (re that is when his troop ship sailed, it was serve maybe another 3 to 6 months on active duty OR get discharged "early") An ETS award probably would have told me a lot more than I was able to figure out about him from the DD214, more such as exactly what he did in his unit (an "Engineer Detachment") or what his detachment did. Did he just fix the machines of did he ever get to operate them? (He ended up as a civillian Operating Engineer in the International Union of Operating Engineers) was he good at his job or really good or just average? Was he a squad leader? When they went to the range did he consistently qualify on his assigned weapon? Sometimes ETS awards I have seen include all of this stuff and it tells the family a story. I wish I knew more about my dad' short Army Career, don't let your children be left scratching their heads because you refused an award. I am currently sending away for his Cold War Service Certificate.
Don't let an award slip through your fingers when you could have had one, it will be something not just for you but for your family. It will be something for future generations to record your history.

****warning.....this is horrible advice******
get flagged...

****this is good advice******
write yourself a nice little AAM. Steal the format from a recently approved one, and say thank you to those you served with.
The award is not really for you. The award is for your family and future grandchildren to look back on and be proud of you. Don't take that away from them.

Make fun of someone else getting and ETS award, then someone says, "Well we are giving you one as well", to which I replied. "What for?" I was then told it was because I was leaving. I told them to stuff it. On my last day, I got a coffee mug instead with the unit patch on it. I loved it more than any award.

Take a knee during the awards presentation. Kidding. Really, sounds like you are just trying to make a statement against the unit. This may not be the way to do it.

Go to your 1SG and scream and stomp your foot a lot. I've seen that work pretty well for people who don't want things.

Take your award unless you came to the unit and did nothing to make it better and you simply wasted space. I am curious as well to hear why you want no award in any way shape or form.

When I left 1/501 in Alaska in the late 1990s, they got me a plaque and awarded me an ARCOM. They didn't do it "just because," usually the effort and the award, if any, were directly related to the value contribution of the soldier. If your unit does it "just because", and you feel like you never really clicked with it, or you are unsure about your aggregate value-contribution to the unit and/or your own merit, take it anyway, and just put it on your DD-214.

It's the same reason why you never swear at your boss in the civilian world on your last day before you quit. As satisfying as these things might seem, burning bridges is a bad idea.

SGT (Join to see) Take the award. You may some day be being considered for a job/promotion by a vet who would think no award was a pretty negative thing.

Here is MY story for the time I turned down a PCS award. First I will say that I NEVER did my job in the Army with a mindset of "gee, can I get an award for this?" I did what I did for soldiers. My last assignment before I ETS'd from active duty (I subsequently came back as an activated reservist and retired) was with USAG Vicenza. I was assigned to the unit for just shy of 4 years. The entire time I served, first as an E5 then an E6, in an E7 Garrison Religious Support NCOIC billet. For half of that time I was also the Headquarters Platoon Platoon Sergeant. Further, as an E5 I won the USAG Europe NCO of the year competition and placed second in the world wide competition in
Virginia. All this while also running the Chapel's NAF and AF operations ( a job usually done by an O3 or O4) and receiving 2 perfect scores from the GAO auditing staff. When it came time to ETS my boss (an O5 Chaplain) put me in for an MSM as I had been operating WAAAY above my pay grade for years. It was concurred on by our Garrison Commander but had to go to SETAF for approval. I had a buddy that worked in their S1 shop and happened to be picking him up to go to lunch one day. As I stood there I watch him processing BRONZE STARS for all of the E8-9s and O4s and above who had just returned from deployment. ALL of these jokers had been working staff jobs on BAF and had NEVER left. I asked him to check on my award if he could so he went into the civilian ADJs office and I heard that DOUCHE say " I don't care WHAT he did, he is only a SSG and we don't give ANY SSG an award above ARCOM." I was so pissed that after lunch I told my boss what had happened and told him NOT to resubmit for an ARCOM. I had 5 already and another would mean nothing. The next day I saw the Garrison Commander in the gym (we worked out at the same time every day and went to Mass together) and told him what had happened he apologized but said that was a SETAF policy he thought they would make an exception to in my case. I told him that if he saw that civilian I would appreciate it if he told him to choke on a damn ARCOM for me. He laughed. I had a great going away with some cool gifts and all my comrades which meant more than the award could have. Accepting what they were willing to "give" me would have only made me even more angry. The very idea of awards being tied in ANY way to rank is just plain embarrassing.

Go AWOL

I don't know how best to say it, but you could always ask them to lose your paperwork. If they're like my old unit, you won't even need to ask!
LOL

I hear throat punches are an effective way to ensure you don't get an award.

I suggest starting with your CSM, they always did appreciate a good throat punch.

Feels like there must be a story behind this. Can you share more context?

Understanding your not a special snowflake is a leading edge on getting out. No one cares about your awards when they hire you. They only care if you could make their job easier. And don't list every god damned aar on your resume either. Obviously if you have any valor awards put that down but we laugh at bronze stars because we saw how standard they where for an e-7 as a post deployment award.

You want to truly not care? Take the award, accept it and put it in a trunk with your fatigues.

Don't let your lower enlisted see you bitter. They will think your "one of those guys who couldn't cut it in the army". If you want to show them that there is life on the outside and be subjective to re-up. Just get out and make a better life.

Take the ETS award and put your ego away. Now, if at retirement and your award gets massively downgraded by your CoC than tell them to shove that up their collective asses.

By all means share the back story which resulted in this decision. Without context it could just be a BA or sour grapes.

If you're ETSing, you're never going to wear it.....so what's the point in being obstinate about receiving one? If you really feel that strongly about it, pitch it in the trash as soon as you walk out the door.

Tell your chain of command in person. Put it in writing, MFR, if necessary.

I think in the long term, when you are older and look back on this, you will regret not taking an award. You should take an award and try your best to reflect on the positives from this experience.