What is the craziest or most off the wall questions one of your subordinates has asked you?

2014-03-13T23:09:48-04:00

I pose this question because up until today I thought I had heard almost all of them.<div> </div><div>Today one of the future Soldiers posed this question. "Since I am a Muslim, am I allowed to have multiple wives and will the Army pay me for all of them?" </div><div> </div><div>I'm not trying to start a religious debate at the cost of this new recruits inexperience, but just want to know what are some of the craziest things you have ever been asked as a leader? I need a good laugh.</div>

Response by 1SG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2014 11:29 PM

2014-03-13T23:29:11-04:00

"Is it true that urine is sterile?"

Response by CSM Michael J. Uhlig made Mar 16 at 2014 6:10 PM

2014-03-16T18:10:58-04:00

It was July 2010 and a PFC in Basic Training asked me if he can keep his iPhone so he can update his Facebook (he told me his recruiter promised him that).

Response by CMC Robert Young made Mar 17 at 2014 12:56 PM

2014-03-17T12:56:54-04:00

Just prior to formation for Morning Colors, one of my subordinate section leaders asked "What time is liberty going to be granted today? I have things to do." It would have been nice if he had actually done some work before asking when it would be time to go home from work.

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 18 at 2014 12:24 AM

2014-03-18T00:24:27-04:00

"Drill Sergeant I have seen you go from extremely calm to super angry then back to normal in less than two minutes. Are you Bi-polar?"

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 18 at 2014 12:33 AM

2014-03-18T00:33:13-04:00

"DS, is it true that you can shoot Privates that try to go AWOL?"

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 18 at 2014 12:38 AM

2014-03-18T00:38:56-04:00

"DS, where do you sleep? We haven't been able to figure it out. All we know is that it can't be too far. You are always here way before lights come on and long after they go off."

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 18 at 2014 12:53 AM

2014-03-18T00:53:50-04:00

As an AIT PSG we were doing height/weight on the soldiers. I noticed a female had on spandex under her summert APFU and instructed her to step into the laterine and take them off. She took two steps and turned and asked if she had to put her shorts back on after that... Thank god I had a battle as a witness that nothing improper was said before or after... But yes soldier, you must wear your PT shorts when we weigh you.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 18 at 2014 7:02 PM

2014-03-18T19:02:39-04:00

This wasn't a subordinate by any means, but nonetheless very funny,

standing next to a female fellow E5 1SG walks in "Hey SGT Jane, long time no see, ... no shit your pregnant how far along are you"? Poor girl was only slightly obese but damn if it wasn't the slightest bit funny.

Another time...

Keep in mind I got my 5 after only 4 years in service, so im the same age if not younger than most of the E4 and below that I supervise Plus im in the WVARNG so read this with a deep west Virginian accent

"Hey Sarge, my mom wrote me a letter this morning and wants to know if you'll pick her up from work and drop her off at home once were done here, She'd a texted you but she ran out of minutes on her cell-phone.. and she doesn't have your number, just thought id ask..."

Keep in mind never met this Joes mom....ever

Response by SSG Zachery Mitchell made Mar 20 at 2014 3:54 AM

2014-03-20T03:54:22-04:00

I had a "problem" Soldier a couple years back(he has since been separated from the Army) but he had only been in our unit a couple months when this happened. I had given him a counseling statement for being late to PT formation and disrespectful upon his arrival to PT.   Me "SPC .... Looking at your counseling packet you have received quite a few counselings for many of the same issues, you're still fairly new here and I know this is only your second unit, but what where the standards like at your last unit? Did they enforce them?" SPC "SGT, if my last unit had standards like this unit I never would have made it pass PFC and probably would have been chaptered"   I didn't really know what to say. I was just thinking to myself, thank you for confirming to me that you ARE a dirt bag and don't want to change...  Same Soldier had received 9 counseling statements during a little over a 2 month span from multiple NCO's for the same repeat offenses. After many verbal counselings, trips to stress management workshop, financial management workshops, mental health etc... and finding no real underlying issues for his blatant misconduct we recommended UCMJ action. His response was priceless.   SPC...."SGT, I am completely blindsided by this recommendation. I don't think I have done anything wrong since I've got to this unit"  Then to top it off, a few days before he finaled out, I was escorting him around for clearing and he says to me "SGT, I really hate to see what will happen to our shop without me here. I really am the glue that holds this shop together"   I could go on for days with stories about this special guy lol

Response by WO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 20 at 2014 4:54 AM

2014-03-20T04:54:33-04:00

We have to shave in the field?

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 20 at 2014 9:21 PM

2014-03-20T21:21:53-04:00

Toward the end of my last deployment I'm standing in a tent in Baghdad with some of the Soldiers from our replacement unit.  The siren goes off and we start to hear some explosions.  One of the Soldiers looked at me and asked, "Is this some kind of drill?"

Response by MSG Jose Colon made Mar 21 at 2014 1:57 PM

2014-03-21T13:57:37-04:00

Desert Storm, our XO and PLT LDRs came to the front gate of our fire base, and told me, "SGT, don't tell anyone, but when we placed the M8 alarms, we forgot to put the batteries on them". That was about a week before, and we had had several scud alerts. Same 4 guys a few days later, same gate: "SGT, you see those lights up yonder?"Yes Sir". "That's our 5 Ton".  "Yes Sir". "We are going to go get them". "Sure Sir". At this point, I open the gate, and they head walking into the horizon. (1930 hrs) I go to sleep after my shift, and a 0400, my next shift, the truck comes in. 0558 hrs, the 4 LTs come back in dead tired: SGT, we couldn't catch up with the truck."

Response by SSG Jason Deters made Mar 24 at 2014 12:01 AM

2014-03-24T00:01:13-04:00

I should preface this with the caveat that PFC Smith was not a new soldier.  He had been in the unit for almost 8 months. PFC SMITH:  Sgt Deters, have you seen the Supply Sgt? ME:               No why?  Maybe I can help you. PFC SMITH:  Do you know if they keep the grid squares in supply?  SSG Cummings needs 1 box of grid squares. ME:              (trying not to laugh) - No Private, those are in the motor pool.  They are still in the B.I.I. box of the PLS.  Got tell SFC Dunkel that you need the grid squares out of the B.I.I box of C311 and while you are there would you do a quick inventory of the B.I.I. as well? PFC SMITH:  HOOAH Sgt! 3 hours later.............. ME:               PFC Smith - did you find those grid squares? PFC SMITH:   No SGT, but that vehicle is missing the muffler bearing wrench.  It isn't on the checklist, but SFC Dunkel wanted me to let you know that you might want to get one ordered. ME:               Ok, thanks PVT, I'll get right on that.  Maybe you should go to supply after all.... tell him you need some grid squares and a muffler bearing wrench.  He will have the forms for you to fill out. Just before final formation that day, PFC Smith handed me a map and told me he found the grid squares and asked if I could deliver those grid squares to SSG Cummings because he was too embarrassed.  I asked him about the muffler bearing wrench and he just grinned and said that it must be on the same shelf as the blinker fluid and the chem light batteries.

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Apr 24 at 2014 11:12 AM

2014-04-24T11:12:40-04:00

While this was not a question, I was talking with one of my soldiers, his family were Degar, Montagnards, who came to the US after the Vietnam War.  In his family, military services was mandatory, and when he was 17 his father took him to the recruiters and 'made' his son volunteer and demanded he be combat arms.  He was telling me his father's story about leaving Vietnam and how his uncle had been stopped from executing his father by his grandmother...very interesting and reminded me about what a blessing it was to be born in the United States...after hearing the story I made the comment, "Wow, your uncle fought for the Viet Cong?" and my troop informed me that, "No, my uncle was fighting for the South Vietnamess government and that his father was Viet Cong."Needless to say, I was a little shocked to hear my soldier was the son of one of Uncle Hoes soldiers?Hearing more of the story, I realized why his father was so anti-communist and pro USA, but it was one of the craziest things one of my troops ever told me.

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Apr 24 at 2014 11:39 AM

2014-04-24T11:39:52-04:00

I had one of my soldiers come up to me in the field asking if I could tell him where he could get another TR double E?  His Team Leader needed one for their position?  I asked him how many others he had asked for help, and he provided me a long list of names.  So I slowly told him T, R, E, E?  I got a deer in the headlights stare.  I told him to go back to his team and tell knock the shit off and stop wasting his time.  As he was walking away, I advised him to not walk into any TR double Es on his way back either.  I still do not think he figured it out?  I am sure he has since sent the next batch of new guys of in search of TR double Es, box of grid squares, can of back blast spray, ETC.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 10 at 2015 11:08 PM

2015-08-10T23:08:11-04:00

"was master gunner school hard?"
"can I still wear tanker boots if I Q2?"

Response by Capt Jeff S. made Aug 13 at 2015 7:01 AM

2015-08-13T07:01:12-04:00

Was sitting at a desk next to a fellow Avionics instructor, AT1 Leveille, in the TACAN lab at AFTA(A1) school when a Navy student came up to us with a question. I was at the desk that was closer and the student looked at me and you could see him hesitate [because I was a scary Marine Sgt] and then he stepped in front of AT1 Leveille and popped the question:

Student: "How long does it take for a woman to have a baby after you uh, uh... ummm"

AT1 Leveille: "What? Spit it out!" [The kid couldn't finish his sentence.]

AT1 Leveille then finished it for him: "... after you sleep with her?"

Student: "Yes."

AT1 Leveille turned and looked at me with the most dumbfounded quizzical expression I ever saw him make. Both of us were completely caught off guard and we just stared for a second at each other... WTFO?!! I opened my eyes real wide, shrugged my shoulders and we turned our eyes back toward the student.

AT1 Leveille chuckled and responded: "Nine months... Why?!!"

Student: "Well, I got married about 6 months ago and was just wondering... My wife is pregnant and due any day."

AT1 Leveille laughed jokingly "Ahhhh! You didn't wait did you!" I was laughing too.

And then the student came back with: "No, I DID wait..."

OUCH!!! You could have heard a pin drop. This girl must have seen him coming a mile away and took full advantage of his naivety. She used him so she could have her kid, all expenses paid, on Uncle Sam's dime.

AT1 Leveille handled it from there and took him outside, counseled him, and got him the help he needed.

The question was crazy, but the situation was heartbreakingly sad... very sad!

Response by LT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 8 at 2016 11:36 AM

2016-10-08T11:36:35-04:00

On subs we would always send the new guys to feed the shaft seals.

Response by SGT Beau Thomas made Oct 8 at 2016 11:59 AM

2016-10-08T11:59:49-04:00

This was in '04-05' in Iraq. Our ROE was fluid as the situations kept changing. VBIED's were a major threat. We had signs on our trucks that told the locals to stay 100 meters away or deadly force was authorized. The Iraqis knew that and stayed away. We only had guys shoot at cars if the approached at a high rate of speed and were deemed a serious threat. That seemed to be a problem as our Brigade General had a meeting with all the troops and told us to defend ourselves but that we couldn't shoot unless we knew they were a VBIED. One of the troops stood and asked the General when exactly are we supposed to know if the vehicle is a threat if approaching at a high rate of speed isn't a threat. He said, "When you see him about to push the button on the detonator." That by far, was the dumbest statement by any service member I have ever heard.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 8 at 2016 5:26 PM

2016-10-08T17:26:19-04:00

Best one I ever heard came out of one of my Spc's. we had just returned from a two week field exercise on a Saturday did after ops maintenance and left for the day. Well Monday morning we're back in the motor pool for command maintenance when this Spc asks "hey Sgt why are we doing maintenance when we did it two days ago"? I answered him with "well its command directed and we follow orders ". He goes on with "But these trucks didn't move since we parked them so why are we doing this"? Again I answered with because it's command directed ". The conversation went on for about five minutes and by that point I was ready to explode so I finally stopped the soldier with "Spc K if you ask one more time I will send everyone else back to the barracks and keep you here to pull maintenance on every vehicle in this motor pool by yourself.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 8 at 2016 6:44 PM

2016-10-08T18:44:40-04:00

I had a soldier ask me "When is the next field exercise?". I told him it was in March. And ten minutes later, he asks me "Can I take leave in March?".

Response by SrA Elisabeth Braunfeld made Oct 9 at 2016 2:00 AM

2016-10-09T02:00:12-04:00

After hours Patient calling in: "my girlfriend sounded like she was in pain during... you know... is that normal..?"
Me: "Did you stop?"
Him: "Well... No..."
Me: "And she's still there?"
Him: "Yeah she's sleeping"
Me: "Dude if she's still there and it's not because she's waiting to gut you in your sleep your probably fine but I would ask her when she wakes up."

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 10 at 2016 5:39 PM

2016-10-10T17:39:04-04:00

Just recently, I had one of my Soldiers ask me if he could be released from BLC for just a few hours so he could attend a wedding in the area.

Response by ENS Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 10 at 2016 8:58 PM

2016-10-10T20:58:48-04:00

Can I be completely transparent for a second? The most off the wall question I was ever asked was not by a subordinate, but rather by the Navy itself. I was required to take a survey and a question was, "Has anyone ever called you a fag?". I'm not kidding. That, alone, is the most absurd question anyone has ever asked me.

Response by CSM Richard StCyr made Oct 11 at 2016 11:49 AM

2016-10-11T11:49:34-04:00

Thought I had some good ones but that my friend is unbeatable.

Response by SGT David Baker made Oct 18 at 2016 7:58 AM

2016-10-18T07:58:04-04:00

City girl, in the field, I guess for the first time:

"Sergeant, what is that awful smell?"

Takes me a minute to realize she's caught a faint whiff of something besides diesel exhaust and the whatever-it-is on Army tentage that makes is smell-- unique.

"That's skunk."

"SKUNK?! Is THAT what they smell like??"

"Yep."

She's looking around for Monsieur Le Pew...so I reassure her (I think)....

"Oh, don't worry, it's at least a mile away, unless it's road-killed."

She turned green and stopped talking to me other than in the line of duty the remainder of the FTX.

Response by Sgt Neil Klein made Aug 26 at 2017 3:59 PM

2017-08-26T15:59:45-04:00

I was a a FOB in Afghanistan, they were loading a fighter with Air to Ground ordance. A load crew New to the Area was loading the Aircraft when they dropped it. Two of the three took of running out of the Hanger and finally stopped about 100 yrds out. The fact that they dropped it was not good, but it became somewhat funny when they got back to the Hanger. One of the said we thought it would go off. The Msgt said Gentelman if it had gone off which is hard to do if you drop it without arming it, you would of gotten to where every you were going a hellva alot fast. Then he and the rest of us burst out laughing at the statement made by the Airman. By the way that Aircrew had the cleanest Hanger on the base thanks to the Three Airman.

Response by PO3 Steven Sherrill made Aug 28 at 2017 9:40 AM

2017-08-28T09:40:30-04:00

@SFC Adam J. Rosenlund The dumbest question I have been asked came when I told a user to hold down the control key and click on an item. The question was "Is that the one that says C-T-R-L on it?" I had to mute my phone, take a deep breath, and then continue the conversation. I wanted to ask the user if there was a child available to help the user.

Response by SFC Brian Tull made Aug 28 at 2017 11:24 AM

2017-08-28T11:24:12-04:00

Might want to check his 201 file... I sense "stolen valor". He has two to many stripes... lol

Response by CW2 Ernest Krutzsch made Aug 28 at 2017 3:42 PM

2017-08-28T15:42:30-04:00

The barber at Fort Polk asked me if I wanted to keep my sideburns, I said yes, He promptly sheared them off and gently placed them in my hand

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 28 at 2017 4:45 PM

2017-08-28T16:45:52-04:00

"Is the WAPS test open book?" - from a Staff that had already tested for Tech numerous times.

The best: "I don't have to report it to security that I left TS documents in my car if it was locked, right?"

Response by PO1 Donald Hammond made Aug 28 at 2017 5:51 PM

2017-08-28T17:51:08-04:00

I gave a much junior person a direct order to do something. He asked "Why do you get to tell me what to do?" And I replied in a way I had always said I wouldn't. Sort of like when you are a new parent and you commit to never saying "Because I said so, that's why". I did the 3 finger tap on my sleeve. (showing I'm a 1st Class and he aint.)

Response by SPC Donn Sinclair made Aug 29 at 2017 9:39 AM

2017-08-29T09:39:38-04:00

To quote Mr. Garrison, the teacher in the South Park TV series, "There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."

Response by LCpl Darrell J. Farley Jr. made Aug 31 at 2017 12:45 AM

2017-08-31T00:45:43-04:00

As an Amtracer in the Marines,when we were in our MOS training a platoon member asked our instructor a Gunnery Sergeant, what happens if our Tractor gets put out of action in combat, what do we do? Gunny looks up towards heaven as if silently saying, "Why me Lord?" Looks over at Pvt Shmuckateli and says you put on your Steele pot grab your rifle and be come an Amgrunt!!!