What is the funniest thing you've seen or experienced while deployed?

2014-04-12T16:52:54-04:00

I was on an 18 hour convoy. We swapped gunners about 3 times by now and the original gunner just hopped back into the turret. It was about 0230 and all I hear is a gagging sound and the gunner saying, "F**k, F**k, F**k." The vehicle commander yells out, "what's going on back there." The gunner yells out, "I think I drink someones piss bottle."

I guess the prior gunner left his piss bottle in the make-shift cup holder and the new gunner wasn't paying attention and thought he had put his knock off yellow "Gatorade" bottle there.

The vehicle commander then comes over the radio and says, "This is hawk 34, Davis just drank out of clarks piss bottle. How copy?"

All you hear is laughing all over the radio and, "Roger that, Davis just had Clark in his mouth."

We all laughed so freaking hard and never let that one down.

Response by SSG Trevor S. made Apr 12 at 2014 4:59 PM

2014-04-12T16:59:03-04:00

I received a burn on my hand and went to the medic who proceeded to poke at it with non-gloved hands then asked me what happened?My response was, "Oh it's a normal herpes outbreak".Three bottles of hand sanitizer later I finally got the medic to settle down.

Response by SPC Lindsay Siegfried made Apr 19 at 2014 1:50 PM

2014-04-19T13:50:13-04:00

I was on a guard shift one time with an older Afghani and his son, just the three of us in the tower. Somehow or another, the older Afghani (who unlike his son, spoke fairly reasonable English) started telling me a story of how his neighbor's wife had cheated on him, and he had found both his wife and her lover and shot them. He proclaimed it a "good job" and mentioned how nothing bad would happen to him, as the killings were considered totally justified.

To this, I explained what would have happened in America. ie: The man would have found his wife in bed with her lover, and he would have had to grant her a legal divorce, in which she would take half of his money and property and go live with the other man, while he continued to support her through alimony. The older Afghani became irate and started cursing, which confused the hell out of his son who didn't understand what I was saying (his father was too pissed to translate.) It took a solid ten minutes for the guy too calm down, at which point he relayed the entire explanation in Pashtu to his son, who I got to watch get as pissed off as his dad was.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made May 23 at 2014 11:48 AM

2014-05-23T11:48:27-04:00

Being in on an Article 15 at GTMO and listening to an E-5 demotable trying to explain away the reason for his car accident - not because he blew .16 on the meter but because he was distracted by the other soldiers in the back (1M, 1F) "going at it". I leave that to your imagination, but you know what I mean.

Response by Cpl Glynis Sakowicz made May 25 at 2014 7:13 PM

2014-05-25T19:13:45-04:00

Saw a helicopter drop a Howitzer, right in front of visiting Russian officers. The general beside me dove under a truck, and I was right there with him, but the Russians just stood there, watching it fall.
The Howitzer thumped to the ground, it was pretty messed up with parts flying here and there. The Russian general leans down and stares at us cowering under the Six-by, "Very quick, but hard to use afterward..."
I remember biting my lip and looking away as the general blinked slowly, getting his thoughts together, afterwards, He stood up dusted himself off, "Well, now that we've shown you the Army way, lets show you the way the Marines do it..."
I am still amazed that those Russians never moved a muscle, they just stood there, and stared up at this hunk of metal falling right at them, and I was even more amazed that I didn't loose a stripe while I was coughing wildly, trying to cover up my laughter as I crawled out from under the truck.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2014 4:10 AM

2014-06-13T04:10:55-04:00

Stopped a small Toyota truck at a flash TCP and the guy had two goats riding in the cab of the truck and his wife was riding in the back of the truck. When we had the interpreter ask him what he was doing he gave us a simple answer: "I don't have any rope to tie up my goats and my wife knows not to jump out of the truck." Makes sense when you see the problem through his eyes.

Response by SGT Daniel Alonzo made Jun 18 at 2014 1:48 AM

2014-06-18T01:48:57-04:00

We had a new private strait out of A.I.T. Well we needed E.M.s to go guard a NATO site. Well all briefings about terrorist and such. This kid was a nervous wreck! Well it was O dark 30 and he was walking perimeter when he kick up a rabbit in front of him! Well after a scream and unloading a clip of ammo and putting the place on total alert they found out what happen !! He was heading back to the rear so quick you would think his backside was on fire! And got the nickname Barney Fife!

Response by PO1 Sharon Walters made Jul 15 at 2014 1:20 PM

2014-07-15T13:20:47-04:00

I was the LPO of a mobile comms unit "stationed" on a modified salvage barge anchored at the end of KAAOT in the NAG. I was also the tech for our satellite system responsible for the connectivity of everything we did on site. We provided all the services for the embarked staff for the joint task force for the area.(comms, phones, vtc etc). We had some Iraqi VIPs on board for a tour of the barge & what we had set up on the terminal (oil terminal belonged to Iraq) I was along on the tour with my OIC for technical question answering etc. However, being female and the VIPs were Iraqi officers, noone really paid any attention to me and didn't listen to anything I said (even when my OIC, male, tried directing their questions to me) unless my OIC repeated what I had just said. At one point, while we were on the terminal where my satellite system and dish was set up, one of the Iraqis started looking around and because of my dish being there (on, transmitting, HIGH power radiation, talking with outer space, BIG RED SIGNS posted, words and pictures, very clear DON'T GO IN THERE vibes) I was keeping an eye on him and where he was going. Sure enough he started going into the radiation zone of my dish - he had to step over a rope AND one of the BIG RED SIGNS to get in - and I tried to stop him with hand signals and talking to him but he just ignored me and kept going. Knowing that the lower ranks might not know English that well if at all, I tried telling someone else that wasn't involved in the conversation going on. He also ignored me so I had to interrupt my OIC to try to tell him to say something. Well this made the head Iraqi mad and he finally looked at me and was probably expecting my OIC to yell at me or something but since time was of the essence I didn't bother trying to tell my OIC, I addressed the Iraqi directly (ooooo, he didn't like THAT!!!), pointed at his man, now standing directly in front of my satellite dish getting irradiated full on and tried to indicate he needed to come out immediately but all he did was call the guys name or something and I turned to look at the guy and in "sign language" (not actual sign language just generic motions that got the point across) directly addressing him (which again they did not like - remember I'm a female - 3rd class citizen if that high to them) basicly saying "your crotch is getting fried you will not have sex/babies anymore". He came out of there so fast and hard he almost ran off the other side of the terminal into the North Arabian Gulf. After that episode, I always walked in front of the group and was addressed FIRST, directly, to make sure it was OK to go somewhere when they were around any of our equipment. :)

Response by SPC Daniel Edwards made Oct 31 at 2014 12:01 AM

2014-10-31T00:01:36-04:00

Afghanistan: Two things happened from the same incident.

We are returning to the COP from a supply run at the FOB. We r ambushed from the side and more than handled the situation. While the trucks are sitting there (one of them the supply LMTV), a kid on a bicycle rides past. At this time, the LMTV driver is pissed because we did not block the road and people were just driving by like it wasn't a big deal (Be advised that yes the platoon did not properly pull a block on the road. MOVING ON). All of a sudden, I see the LMTV lurch towards the kid and cause the kid to go off the road and down the embankment and flip over not only his handlebars, but completely clear his bike and land on his backside.

Later on, the QRF unit arrives. By now the situation is beyond under control. Their guys get on the ground and start walking up and down the road to figure out where they are needed. There were ditches on the side of the road (opposite of where the kid fell off the bike). One of the soldiers found it and went in all the way up to his arms.

Response by SGT Patrick McCullough made Nov 2 at 2014 10:30 PM

2014-11-02T22:30:44-05:00

My squad was securing a perimeter for unit member exfil who'd be killed by a sniper. The sniper struck again and my medic doc came crawling from under the humvee in the direction of fire. I asked him wtf he was doing and where was our squad leader. He laughed then ran around the other side, we dragged him treated his neck wound and put him in the humvee. As we began Casevac to the CASH in Bahgdad a vehicle got in between our convoy. Our gunner refused to open fire after I ordered him to engage. Everyone in the vehicle started yelling for him to engage including our wounded squad leader, and the vehicle pulled over. Doc had hit our SSG with morphine and it must have just kicked in because right that moment he thought it was a good time to tell a joke. "A horse walks into a bar".. was the only thing he could manage to say and we started balling as he passed out. Needless to say he survived.

Response by SPC David Bosquez made Nov 3 at 2014 2:14 AM

2014-11-03T02:14:28-05:00

We had an NCO who always talked a whole lot of crap on just about anything subject brought up. Me and one of my buddies were leaving our Office for the night when he comes running up behind us, chastising about us using our flashlights. Mind you, this was a black out FOB, so the only lights were on the latrine CHU's. He kept going on and on, and then he told us to turn them off. Laughing, we obliged him (right as we were coming up on a wooden bridge that crossed into our living tent areas). He began by saying, "It takes approximately 3-5 second for your eyes to adjust to the..."

He was promptly cut off by the sound of him sliding into the ditch and under the little bridge.

Response by SPC Kortney Kistler made Nov 4 at 2014 9:14 AM

2014-11-04T09:14:55-05:00

2004 BIAP, Iraq. I Was On CQ In The Company Toc And I Had Noticed We Had Gotten A New Color Printer. I Had Some Of The New $50 Bills In My Wallet So I Put Them In The Copier To See If It Would Image The Micro printing. At A Glance They Looked Perfect. I Don't Know What Possessed Me To Do This, But I Copied And Cut A Bunch Out. When I Went To Make My Rounds Around The Company Area I Strolled Through The Battalion AO And Put The Fake $50's In The Piss Puddles below the urinals In The Outhouses. I Didn't Get An Opportunity To See Which Sleepy Eyed GI That Thought, Hey It's Fifty Bucks Who Cares About The Piss on my hands, But I'm Sure There Was Some Really Disappointed Joes when they got a good look at it in the daylight.

Response by MSgt Michael Durkee made Jan 23 at 2015 1:07 PM

2015-01-23T13:07:34-05:00

I don't know if it was the funniest, but at Camp Phoenix, Kabul. I was the ranking guy in my B-hut since they drew the line at single living quarters right at the E-7 line. Although I wasn't mission aligned with these characters, I was still responsible for our living quarters.
We had "the dirty kid" with us, his "room" was the worst...at one point - the guys he convoyed and worked with tossed a salami that they had received in a Christmas care package into his room. I wasn't aware of it, until...I was injured and stuck back on the Camp in my room. That extra time in the B-hut made me wonder what the hell was that funk?!
I found the ring leader, E-5, and asked...he told me the basics, then I just had to ask, "How long has it been lost in there?" SMH, he said..."3 months".

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 1 at 2020 5:20 PM

2020-02-01T17:20:42-05:00

Wall Mart at Mogadishu Airport was funny.

Response by PO3 Donald Murphy made Feb 1 at 2020 5:26 PM

2020-02-01T17:26:04-05:00

While underway on patrol we had an operational reactor safeguards exam (ORSE) which is make or break/do or die for the engineering department. It is 1986 and Star Trek is in the theatre (the one where Spock locks himself in the engine room to save lives or something like that). Everyone is serious, best uniform on, etc. The inspectors are normally full birds or one stars and they have almost always had a bad day, life, etc. In other words “don’t give us a reason to fail you.”

We are at the stage where primary coolant samples have to be drawn from the reactor for testing. This involves someone having to enter the reactor compartment. Petty Officer Farias, the roving watch, comes upon the test about to take place. As the sailor is about to open the hatch to the reactor, Farias, in his best “Mr. Scott” voice yells out

NO SPOCK - DON’T DO IT! YOU’LL FLOOD THE COMPARTMENT!

The Captain looked as if he’d seen a ghost. Before anyone could say anything, the 3 inspectors wet their pants laughing. We though one of them was having a stroke as he kept clutching his chest. All of them were die-hard Trekkies and had seen the movie.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 1 at 2020 8:22 PM

2020-02-01T20:22:06-05:00

I am terrified of spiders. One night on the way back into our building a camel spider ran up my leg straight to the man bits and I screamed like a little girl. Next day we came back from a mission and on top of the white board on my door was a camel spider. I did not know it was dead and sat outside checking every few minutes to see if it had left. Eventually someone tossed it on my head and I had the same reaction only this time in a building with a nice echo. And many many eyes magically appeared out of doors.

It took me a week or so to figure out who put it there but eventually I got on eBay and ordered the biggest floppiest dildo I could and had it anonymously sent to the dead spider placer. He opened the box in the ops office and when he grabbed hold and pulled it out he tossed it. It flopped across the floor and stopped on the commanders boot who picked it up, smacked him a couple times in the face with it then just like it was nothing at all told him to pick up his toys.