What is the goofiest thing you did in the military?

2016-04-20T15:18:16-04:00

It was my first field problem as an armor PL. It was TF on TF so half the brigade was out there. My platoon was responsible for guarding a large hill and I drew the sector sketch. I drew the primary, alternate, and supplementary positions but never labeled them as such. Somehow I lost the sector sketch and the red forces got a hold of it. They looked at my sketch and found 12 tanks on the hill by my drawings. It became great disinformation and caused the red force avenue of attack to change right into the teeth of our TF. It became comical as my platoon was moved from the hill. I suspect I never got an ass chewing because we did so well. lol

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2016 3:26 PM

2016-04-20T15:26:54-04:00

CPT Joseph K Murdock , nothing silly I did compares to yours.

Response by MCPO Roger Collins made Apr 20 at 2016 3:32 PM

2016-04-20T15:32:02-04:00

Came back from Liberty in Vietnam, somewhat inebriated and jumped into the Mekong River (1960 timeframe). I thought it was amusing, the Vietnamese gunboat crew that tracked me with a .50 Cal. Not so much.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2016 3:54 PM

2016-04-20T15:54:18-04:00

I personally haven't done anything but I knew a shipmate of mine who decided to jump off a pier in either Singapore or New York. Got reprimanded for it but he was too FUBAR to know what was going on.

Response by 1stSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2016 4:06 PM

2016-04-20T16:06:03-04:00

I got busted swimming in the Camp Courtney, Okinawa pool at 0200 in my utilities. When the MP told me to get out of the water I explained that he could have intercourse with himself and all of his MP buddies. He told me to get out of the pool or he would get me out and I once again explained that despite the fact that he was a fine American, he could go f*ck himself at which point his SSgt explained to "quit playing with that dumbass assed grunt and send in the dog". I then got out of the pool on my own and climbed into the handcuffs.

Response by SSG Jeremy Kohlwes made Apr 20 at 2016 4:07 PM

2016-04-20T16:07:09-04:00

I got sent TDY prior to my first deployment to conduct port loading operations in Rotterdam. This basically consisted of sitting on our butts until a certain vehicle was needed and then driving several over to be loaded on the ships. I was on night shift with a bunch of tankers and we got super bored just waiting around so we started driving anything and everything they needed. I drove a Paladin, an MLRS, and a whole lot more that I don't even remember the names of. I even got to drive an M1 Abrams, best part of that was this really cute reservist said she wanted to ride in the tank so I told her to hop in. My first and only time driving a tank and I picked up a girl while doing it. The goofiest part was when one of the tankers and myself made a bet about who could pivot steer the fastest. I got in a Bradley and he jumped in a tank and then we had ourselves a little pivot steer race. I lost.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2016 4:20 PM

2016-04-20T16:20:10-04:00

I guess, the 2 silly things I did was once in Basic, I clotheslined myself while running out of a GP Medium. The other is while in Iraq...one night the base was hit with rockets. The thumps did wake me up and as soon as I heard the third thump I knew it was on the other side so I rolled back over and went to sleep. My team leader came banging on my CHU door and chastised me for not being in the bunker. My only answer, as we loaded up to go do accountability, was to say that the rockets weren't even close.

Response by MSgt Frank Martin made Apr 20 at 2016 4:22 PM

2016-04-20T16:22:26-04:00

The one thing I will admit in Public is the time a bunch of us decided that we did not want to party in our dormitory (patio in front of doors) on the concrete. at a Stateside base. so we diss-assembled a bed and reassembled it outside on patio. and three girls and about five guys decided to get hammered while listening to tunes through the window of the dorm room.

We all passed out over that thing and fell asleep. Nothing would have happened on that Sunday Morning except the two star Air Division Commander drove by on the way to Church with his wife...
He called the Dorm Manager the following Monday and asked him if there was an overcrowding problem in the dorm's he was not aware of... The Dorm Manager then chewed our ass over it..

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2016 4:40 PM

2016-04-20T16:40:16-04:00

I was a brand new PFC in JRTC. I didn't know how to put my nods on helmet the right way, so they kept falling off. I was tired and frustrated, been up for several days already, so the last thing I needed was to keep messing with these nods. Then this shadowy figure appeared in front of me, and I didn't recognize him. He said "what's wrong with you?" I said "I'm trying to figure out these damn nods!" He said "do you know who the hell you're talking to?" I said "no, and I don't really give a f***!" I thought he might be an O/C (still the wrong response, I know) he said calmly "you're talking to the GD first sergeant" I looked down and said "roger first sergeant" he said "now go over there, lay down, and pull security!" Whoops

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2016 5:11 PM

2016-04-20T17:11:16-04:00

Not so much goofy, but defenitely a oh shit moment. I've been 11B my entire career with Light or Mech. I've fired Gunnery off of every platform of the Bradley from the A0 up to the A3. That being said I have NEVER seen the inside of a M1. I've used the exhaust numerous times for warmth/drying off. I've seen them fire/maneuver etc, but never seen the inside of one let alone ride in it etc.

My last "major" training excersise we were doing combined arms(1 Tank Plt, and 1 Brad Plt). We were wrapping up the excersise, and had developed a pretty good relationship with the PL from the Tank Plt(I was filling in as acting PL due to mine being in BOLC). So I asked him if I could crawl in one and maybe catch a ride. Sure he says no problem. So I'm FINALLY inside a M1 after 28 yrs in the Army. His PSG is showing me all the bells and whistles. We go for a little ride thru the training area etc. we get back and he asks if I want to sit in the drivers seat. Why of course I do. I've heard great and wonderful things about the comfort of the drivers seat of a M1. Now here is where it gets funny. I'm 6'6" 230-240 ish. There is no way in hell is my old ass is crawling in thru the front deck. No problem he says. He swings turret around and I "wiggle" my way in thru the turret. So I'm finally sitting there all comfy enjoying it. The PSG is showing/talking me thru where all the controls are.

Here comes the oh shit moment. He then tells me to reach down on the LEFT side and grab the handle and I can adjust my seat etc. I look down and see handle. I grab and pull....wrong side/wrong handle. I activated the engine compartment Halon bottles....we all hear a pop, everyone's eyes light up and half the tankers take off. He tells me what I just did and off in the distance we see the Tank Company Motor Sergeant walking our way with a HUGE ass stick, and a very upset look on his face. Everyone is scattering and I'm stuck half in half out the drivers hatch trying to escape. Everyone laughs about it nowadays, but it cost me 3 cases of beer and helping them replace the bottle.

Response by CPT Joseph K Murdock made Apr 20 at 2016 5:20 PM

2016-04-20T17:20:04-04:00

I was AC but attached to a large Alabama Guard unit for two years. One annual training at Ft McClellan after hours we started to drink beer. Some of the females get out the slip n slide in their bikinis. I thought I was leaving that awful place as a demoted 1LT lol.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2016 5:28 PM

2016-04-20T17:28:29-04:00

My unit was going through a mock village and I decided to jump through one of the windows. My boot slipped, and I fell on my face, undaunted I assumed the unsupported prone position (sans weapon) and when asked if I was OK, I responded with "just scanning for the enemy Sir!"

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2016 6:28 PM

2016-04-20T18:28:38-04:00

Well on my first deployment t my 1sgt bought a "Shit bag" tab and put it on one of my Joes, so I go over to the haji mart where they make the tables and got a "Window Licker" one and while he was sleeping I put both the Shit Bag and Window Licker on his ACUs . Not knowing that upcoming morning he went to a battalion breakfast and he had both the tabs for every battalion staff to see. I later got called by my 1sgt about the "tab" incident which I had no idea what he was talking about. When all was said and done I was put on gear and bag duty for our while natal lion while making our way to next stop
Point in Kuwait.

Reaction was priceless.

Response by Sgt Mark Jennings made Apr 20 at 2016 7:07 PM

2016-04-20T19:07:31-04:00

We had to remove the "irish pennants" from the inside of our ALICE packs for a CG inspection at the 3d MarDiv.

Response by SPC Darren Koele made Apr 20 at 2016 7:11 PM

2016-04-20T19:11:10-04:00

Nothing major, but we always tried to find ways to "spice up" inspections. We were on a company-sized post in Bayreuth, Germany and preparing for an inspection from the regimental commander (2nd ACR), this means painting vehicles. When we park our trucks, the bed is kept in a raised position. So, we thought we would have a little fun.
The Colonel loved it, the company CO loved it, the 1st Sergeant, not so much. Almost started a war when Top called it an embarrassment and we countered with, "it's a morale booster".

Response by PO1 Brian Austin made Apr 20 at 2016 7:52 PM

2016-04-20T19:52:28-04:00

On Diego Garcia after partying on the beach into the wee hours, i staggered back to my hooch. Didn't realize that i had staggered into the Air Force hooch right next the Navy hooch. I got into "my" rack and then vomited. Then i couldn't figure out why i couldn't unlock "my" locker. Then some AF guy said "Hey Airman, you need to clean up". I staggered out the door to use the head and a guy i worked with saw me come out and informed me i had been in the wrong hooch, then I went in and passed out in my real rack. I never did clean up...lol

Response by SP5 Mark Kuzinski made Apr 20 at 2016 8:57 PM

2016-04-20T20:57:01-04:00

Can't post it!

Response by SGT John " Mac " McConnell made Apr 20 at 2016 9:25 PM

2016-04-20T21:25:31-04:00

The goofiest thing while out in the field. While out training on an FTX near the Fulda Gap. We got blizzard conditions and was told to basically get in the woods and set up our platoon perimeters. At this point it was a game changer for our training. So we were pitted company against company.
All we was told was to set up and of course I get picked for a patrol on bravo company. After SITREP I was supposed to go and get info on bravo company. So My team goes and try to do this. We sat and observed and reported ! I got bored.... So we went for a closer look.
We got so close up on bravo company that we took 4 antennas off 1 platoon. Which is 4 tracks. Then humped them back to our rally point. Great OK ! Not good enough ! for me. There was a close Town as well ! SOMEBODY SAY BIER ? Yes, I took our team to town and bought 5 Cases of German bier.
After the Bier purchase we headed back to our platoon CP. Delivered the Antennas and Bier personally to my platoon Sgt.... Needless to say it was a great night out in the field in blizzard conditions..
After the FTX I had to deliver the antennas back to bravo Company . "Per Platoon Sgt. " I found a way without letting them know who are what... MUMS was the word ! I will never let them know... But they found them.. Laffs.. A good lesson here never let your guard down..... Somebody might find a way to cause communication problems and have fun while they are doing it !

Response by CMSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2016 10:02 PM

2016-04-20T22:02:04-04:00

I will save those for my memoirs... Or at least retirement... There are some doozies! :)

Response by MAJ Raúl Rovira made Apr 20 at 2016 11:55 PM

2016-04-20T23:55:34-04:00

I turned my tank into a naval vessel.

I drove my M1A1 on the river in Korea so the bad guys could not see us. Sounds brilliant when you are a Lieutenant and the PSG is far away. The tank hatches were on open protected. Since I noticed water splashing too close to the turret I figured I'm about to get fired. My gunner looked through the GAS and calmly said, "Sir, we are under water". I checked on the driver through the CVC but I could not hear him since he was screaming. I'm glad he could hear me and drove the tank "Hard Right" and off the river we went. Since it was winter it was like a submarine cracking on the arctic ice. All was fine and we laughed about it.

A week later during command maintenance my driver and loader asked me "Hey skipper, how deep do you think we were back on the river?" To be a smart ass I said "Periscope depth??!!" They showed me the pre-cleaner and it was full of fish.

The writing on my go away plac says, "To Red 1, FRAGO: Dive! Dive! Dive!"

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 21 at 2016 12:45 AM

2016-04-21T00:45:15-04:00

Statute of limitations still exists...sorry.

Response by SFC Marcus Belt made Apr 21 at 2016 2:10 AM

2016-04-21T02:10:00-04:00

I caught a baby rattlesnake and deposited it outside our PATRIOT site. I caught it by hand, dumped it in an empty sandbag and carried it a safe distance outside the wire before letting it go.

Never liked killing stuff that doesn't need to be killed.

Battery Commander, 1SG and Platoon Sergeant were pretty pissed.

On the other hand, it was a really s****y long (45 day) FTX, and we hadn't been back from OIF 1 a month yet.

Response by SFC Roberto Garza Jr. made Apr 21 at 2016 10:28 AM

2016-04-21T10:28:42-04:00

Too many to list.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 21 at 2016 11:45 AM

2016-04-21T11:45:39-04:00

Lord there are lots. As a newb someone bet me $20 I wouldn't low crawl thru the mub/sand pit we created as a concrete pouring simulation. Needless to say I got hosed down by 1st Sgt. Black out FOB lightning I had found an early 80s Honda motorcycle near our job site that I thought would look nice in my tent, I bunked with Humit chicks so I guess I wanted to impress. I go out after all is quite and I inched that thing but it was squeaking every time the wheel rolled. I got a little paranoid that the guards in the guard tower would light my ass up so I ended up parking it in the middle of the job site. The next morning the platoon sgt gave a speech, "Blah, blah, blah, responsibility, blah, whoever brought this motorcycle out here after this formation better move it back" his mouth dropped when it was my ass moving it back. Also went rouge after I was left on Bagram, was told Marmel was men only, so I started base hopping from the PAX terminal and went all over RC North OEF 2014. There are other stupid things that shall not be discussed.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 21 at 2016 11:50 AM

2016-04-21T11:50:43-04:00

Ever got so drunk that you went Porta John tipping, to end up only tipping your platoon sergeant in one of them and then have the rest of the weekend shoveling shit into the buckets?

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 21 at 2016 12:30 PM

2016-04-21T12:30:32-04:00

Our First Sgt was looking for NCO's to fill out a Color Guard, he had stated that the NCO's had to be 6ft. He had filled all but 1 slot when he looked at me and said Sergeant Loftin you'll fill the last position, I promptly informed TOP that I was only 5ft 12in not 6ft required. He looked at me, blinked a couple of times and said F@#$it close enough.

Response by SSG Douglas Smith made Apr 21 at 2016 3:35 PM

2016-04-21T15:35:48-04:00

when I graduated basic training and AIT I went and bought used green jungle boots and I faded all my uniforms. I figured that it would look better to be seasoned like someone who got busted down than to appear new. As an MP on the gate and can't even tell you how many people stopped and asked my what I got busted down for!

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Apr 21 at 2016 3:37 PM

2016-04-21T15:37:25-04:00

CPT Joseph K Murdock It seemed a few hours before AM CQ duty that 1SG Shaw was urging young PFC me to have 'another'. He thought it was funny when he came into the orderly room and saw me spewing, (sure - tomato juice will settle your stomach), into his waste basket.

Response by CPT Joseph K Murdock made Apr 21 at 2016 4:17 PM

2016-04-21T16:17:29-04:00

I loved my loader, he was a hard worker and was fast at loading tank rounds into the breach. He did have one habit and that is he was like a dog on ride when he was supposed to be the primary spotters for obstacles. I was not easy as I had to direct the crew and talk to the other 3 tanks simultaneously. We were traveling about 40 MPH when we hit a huge hole bigger than our tank but not very deep. It was enough for our great suspension flying 8 feet off the ground and landing 25 feet away. I instinctively told the crew to BRACE. I was like slow motion until we landed............ all 70 tons. Our gear was strewn across the desert and my gunner was mad lol

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 21 at 2016 6:16 PM

2016-04-21T18:16:49-04:00

As a 2nd LT in '84 I was advon at Graf and while waiting for the main body to arrive we had plenty of time on our hands. As such, a few soldiers convinced me to ride into a small town to visit a Gausthous (sic). While there I discovered Uzo and finished off a great deal. All I remember going back is that I was riding on the hood of the 1/4 ton guiding us through the dark. How we made it back to the cantonment area without the MPs finding out I will never know.

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 21 at 2016 7:49 PM

2016-04-21T19:49:18-04:00

Once when one of my coworkers asked me a question, I didn't catch it but pretended I did. So I pretended to think hard about it, then slowly began to hip thrust. Without missing a beat, my coworker then began to do the Stayin' Alive dance from Saturday Night Fever, and we both turned while still dancing to our NCOIC who could only stare at is with one eyebrow raised like, "What the..."

Response by SSG Trevor S. made Apr 22 at 2016 12:38 AM

2016-04-22T00:38:14-04:00

I kept asking the legal rep "hypotheticals" during one of my deployments. As an example, "If I weld pitch forks to my brush guard so I don't have to stop for road kill is this considered poaching? Would it make a difference if I had tags for the animal?"

Response by SGT Philip Roncari made Apr 25 at 2016 10:49 AM

2016-04-25T10:49:40-04:00

I don't know if this would be classified as goofiest,at the time it was pretty frightening,but here goes my buddy and I were put out on a LP for the company in the Central Highlands RVN we were given a case of M26 frags because of course firing your weapon at night would give away your position everything was going fine until the middle of the watch when we were surrounded by noises of movement we of course radioed in a positive sitrep and started throwing grenades morning found us with torn up jungle and evidence of a monkey troop that had passed though in the night!

Response by Sgt Tom Cunnally made Apr 26 at 2016 3:30 PM

2016-04-26T15:30:51-04:00

I strongly believed the USS Constitution was haunted because I heard voices coming from this old ship when I guarded her at the Boston Navy Yard and made the mistake of telling some others about this.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 26 at 2016 4:23 PM

2016-04-26T16:23:11-04:00

ACU's and Velcro. So we're going thru pre mob training. I was tasked with running a Squad level dismount MVMT to Contact. So had to be up and moving by 0330-0400 to link up with ammo etc. someone decided it would be a good idea to replace my SFC rank on my ACU top with PINK LT rank....about 7 or 8 that am CSM and LTC decide to visit training. CSM salutes me and the LTC got this really constipated look on his face. Yes shame on me for not checking myself.

Found the culprit of said event. Found me a Velcro Sick Call Ranger tab, and PINK 1SG rank(oh yes) right before he had to go to a Staff meeting at BN. Received a phone call from CSM to report to his office. "Locked" us both up and told us to knock it off. Kinda hard to take him too seriously when he's doing his best not to laugh. Mission after that was to "get" the CSM....never came to happen. He was defenitely on to us and REDCON 1 at all times..

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 26 at 2016 5:00 PM

2016-04-26T17:00:46-04:00

When I was with a Combat Construction Engineer unit back in Germany, many years ago, our field exercises rotated around anti-tank defense. (Tank ditches and the like.) Some of my fellow soldiers and myself, thinking we were much more bad-ass then we were, decided to raid and "attack" one of the cav units.

The next morning, there was a tank (I think an M1A1) in our camp with the turret pointed towards the TOC.

Will never know how the heck they got that there without being seen.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made May 25 at 2016 10:24 AM

2016-05-25T10:24:34-04:00

First field exercise after commissioning. middle of June, 98 degrees/98% humidity, and the O/Cs decide we are being attacked by gas. Everybody MOPP4s up and we are laying in the blazing sun pulling perimeter security. After about 45 minutes I am hot, miserable and bored out of my freaking skull, so I start firing off 3 round bursts. O/C comes charging up yelling "Please tell me that is not an NCO doing that". One of my guys pipes up and says "Oh Hell no, that's OUR Lieutenant". O/C asks me WTF I am doing and I reply, "There's enemy in the wire". He says BS, there isn't anyone out there and I say, "There isn't any F*ing gas out here either but I'm still wearing this F*ing gas mask. If you can pretend there is gas, I can pretend there are enemy in the wire" He just shook his head and walked away, less than 5 minutes later they gave the all clear.