What is the most awkward or funny moment you have had in the service?

2014-02-13T12:57:27-05:00

What is the most awkward or funny thing that happened to you while you have been in the service?

Well, I have had a few. Three of which were being bitten by Aircraft. I hit a drain tube on the bottom of B-52, took an F-16 panel to the temple. But the one that knocked me out was hitting the gun door panel on an F-15C. That laid me out. A bunch of Crew Chiefs were witnesses.

But one that can be funny but also get mad at (those that know about clearing a room), was when I was working on an EF-111 over in Saudi Arabia at PSAB (Jail) AB.

I was working in the Wheel Well of an EF-111, putting back together the Water Tank which is used for Air Conditioning. Behind me working on the main gear was a Crew Chief, who was nicknamed "Hydrazine Jim." Here I am minding my own business when all of a sudden a strong, Very Strong stench hits my nose. I was out of that wheel well so fast, missing the Kidney panels, it must have been a new world record. "Hydrazine Jim" Was laughing his A** off looking at me. To say I was pissed is an understatement. It took several mins for the area to air out.

Suffice it to say, I now knew why he was nicknamed "Hydrazine Jim."

Now what are some of your funny or awkward stories?

Response by LTC David S. Chang, ChFC®, CLU® made Feb 13 at 2014 1:59 PM

2014-02-13T13:59:52-05:00

During OBC armor exercises in the winter, the mud is wet and tanks get stuck a lot.

We got stuck and one of the senior NCOs was ripping us to shreds over it. Then on his way out he got stuck, he was swearing and was too embarassed to ask us for help so was trying to do it himself.

It was funny for us because we didn't like this guy and got our justice. We didn't help him though and that was the end of that.

The same day I had our night vision viewer for the driver which are heavy and big since they latch on to the hatch. It was raining, I put it on top of the tank, it slipped and shattered. Investigation ensures, luckily people saw it and I didn't have to pay. Found out it was in the tens of thousands of dollars.

During graduation I am walking across the BC says out loud "what you did was bull s**t with the viewer" and tried to withhold my certificate. I grabbed it from his hands anyway and walked off. I wasn't go to let anything stop me from getting out of there!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2014 4:57 PM

2014-02-24T16:57:54-05:00

Okay, this one just happened today. My unit has been working lately to get many vehicles ready for turn in. The NCO in charge of tracking all the vehicles told the XO this morning that a vehicle from our sister BN keeps getting placed in our line, and he keeps having Soldiers place it back on their line. Apparently, this has been going on for the last couple weeks. The bumper number on the vehicle states it belong to the other BN. I told the NCO to get the serial and registration number to the vehicle and we'll double check in LOGSA as to whom the vehicle really belongs to. He said "It'll really suck if it's ours."

He comes to me at 1400 hours with the SN/RN. When I look it up, I discover it DOES in fact belong to one of our companies. The NCO was like "Damn!!!" and we both laughed.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2014 5:08 PM

2014-02-24T17:08:29-05:00

This was a no shit there I was moment, and if there is anyone who was at Ft Jackson in May of 2010, then they can attest to this while in the medical section of the 120th Reception Battalion.<div><br></div><div>I have got to meet the admin clerk who decided to group these three privates together, but we were having a field day and couldn t maintain bearing to save our lives.</div><div><br></div><div>Medical reception SSG at the beginning of the process</div><div>"I am going to call your name, sound off and come and get your folder"</div><div><br></div><div>Fast forward to the B names-</div><div>"Private Bonier (pronounced Bone yay, but naturally came out as Private Boner)"</div><div>"Here SSG!" Grabs his folder</div><div>Small chuckle</div><div>"Private Cox!"</div><div>"Here, SSG!" Grabs his folder</div><div>The SSG takes a look at the next folder, shakes her head, throws the folder down and walks away exploding in laughter...when she regained her composure, she came back in a giggling voice-</div><div>"Private Dick!"</div><div>There was not a single person inside that clinic within earshot that wasnt laughing or cracking up.</div>

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2014 5:40 PM

2014-02-24T17:40:40-05:00

My not so bright shining moment was at the Yuma Proving Grounds back in 2001 during an AH-64 Gunnery Exercise.

We were headed home after being out there for 2 weeks and I can say with certainty that everyone was chomping at the bit to get back their families.

After loading up a couple GOV mini vans with all our gear from the housing area on MCAS Yuma where we stayed, we headed out to the airfield to secure more gear, load up trucks and then depart for home station. During our drive to the airfield however, some of the equipment in the back of the van had load shifted and was leaning against the rear hatch door of the van.

We get to the airfield and I realize I need something out of my ruck, so I walk to the back of the van, lift up the rear door and three sleeping cots crash down on my right foot. I yell from the pain and instinctively bend over to reach for my toes as I let go of the rear hatch door. Bad bad move!!!!! The door opens by itself as I am bending down and it smacks me in the face instantaneously delivering a gushing bloody nose.

I spent 1 hour with the medics trying to get that bleeder under control which was only accomplished by two cylindrical shaped feminine product devices shoved into my nasal passages.

I still get razzed about it today, but it's a lot more fun now then it was back then.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2014 5:55 PM

2014-02-24T17:55:17-05:00

So there I was during a MRE out in the middle of Mcgregor Range Complex TAC Site at around 1500 when the call came over comms "Exercise, Exercise, Exercise". I was in the CP and I asked my PSG what the exercise was he told me there was a wild boar on site . Next thing I know everyone starts laughing and I don't have a clue why. So I go over to our CP Como guy and asks what's so funny. He replies SGT a call went out over site that since you hail from Arkansas you were been sent out out to dispatch the animal. I then told the soldier and everyone around to notify site that Ole SGT MAC would but unfortunately I left my Arkansas Toothpick at the house. Next thing I know the soldier puts all Comms on the Loudspeaker and all I can here is everyone laughing their proverbial @$$'$ off.

Response by CPT Richard Riley made Feb 24 at 2014 6:13 PM

2014-02-24T18:13:41-05:00

Late in my AMEDD BOLC we were required to do a night maneuver and land nav. My eyesight is not the greatest, I'm not blind but without glasses but things are pretty fuzzy especially in the dark. Anyway - my squad was told to move out, we were trying to get to the next point in the exercise SO I'm running with all my gear, my glasses fall off somehow ... and I run as hard as I can right into a huge oak tree. I'm told I was out cod for about 8 minutes but I'll never live that down.

Response by SGT James Eastling made Mar 8 at 2014 6:11 PM

2014-03-08T18:11:45-05:00

I think the most awkward event I took part in was after AIT in the summer of '98. (While the overall ordeal actually lasted close to a month, I'll just give a highlight.)

Before Basic, I was delayed a month, and had to change MOS, basic training station, and maybe some other things I no longer recall. In any case, BCT and AIT go off pretty smooth and quiet, but out processing AIT I get a curve ball. Six or eight of us had to clear dental before we could finish processing, and upon return I found an amendment to my orders: Dhahran, SA. For those unfamiliar, that's Saudi Arabia, straight from AIT...

Well, skip over a couple weeks of leave and other detours and delays, I get in country and find out that Dhahran is closing, so off to Escan (sp?) Village outside Riyadh. Pretty much as I arrive we went to ThreatCON D, as it was approaching Anniversary 2 of the Khobar Towers bombing, and there'd apparently been some chatter. Great, I've got DCU's and an SRK (see Cold Steel's site).

Mid way through my 13 days in town, then-V-Vorps commander, LTG Hendrix (memory fails at the moment, but I believe it was him) stopped in, and the unit I was assigned to was having breakfast with him. Lowliest of personnel, I was plucked out of the serving line by the unit CSM and volun-told to sit at the horseshoe of tables - with only a SPC between the LTG and myself. Now, all would be generally well and good, however, due to my out-of-nowhere appearance, I was not allowed to have any uniform adornments attached to my DCU's, save for my E-2 rank.

Partway through breakfast, the LTG turns his attention to me, and asks (to the affect of), "And what about you, Private... ... ..?" "Eastling, Sir." And at the far end of the tables, unit leadership takes over the conversation... Yeah... LTG meets Mr. Mosquito-wings... The rest of breakfast I think I tuned out (or blacked out...?) completely, as I no longer recall any details.

July 4 I left country to continue what would become something of a quest to find my first duty station; but that's another story...

Response by SGT Michael Glenn made Dec 18 at 2014 9:05 PM

2014-12-18T21:05:18-05:00

I have had many such experiences and wouldnt know where to begin!!! The military was the best and funniest time of my life.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 18 at 2014 11:43 PM

2014-12-18T23:43:22-05:00

In March 2000, my brigade had finally been fielded SINCGARS. We had worked hard and at Annual Training, which was also REHAT for JRTC, we were committed to frequency hopping for the first time. All of our Signaleers were working like madmen. We had also recently been part of the experimental AC/RC division idea; 45th, 39th and 41st Brigades were the 7th Infantry Division. This was a confluence that drew a lot of attention and we got a visit from then Chief of Staff, GEN Eric Shinseki. Naturally, SPC White had no idea.

I was in a hurry. I had to get into the BDE TOC to pass some information and I just about knocked the officer coming out of the tent on his butt. I'd never seen four stars before. I mumbled an apology and squeezed past him into the tent. The only witness was a Master Sergeant who thought it was so funny he forgave me for not saluting as well.

Response by SSG Tim Everett made Dec 19 at 2014 8:59 AM

2014-12-19T08:59:28-05:00

Most of my awkward or funny stories involve pooping.

Like the time (no, not graphic) I was "talking to a man about a horse" in the woods at Ft. Benning and our team's position was air assaulted by OPFOR. I was sitting there, pants down, had the MRE pregnancy moment, and all of a sudden a Blackhawk comes roaring in, probably 20 metres from where I was. Next thing I know, a squad of OPFOR are looking at me.

I just waved and said "anybody got any REAL TP?"

Response by SrA David Steyer made Dec 14 at 2015 2:02 AM

2015-12-14T02:02:53-05:00

I have had a lot... more crazy than the moment I am going to mention but since this one was with my now wife it wins by default because it could have gone the WRONG way very fast as we hadn't been dating that long and it relates with me serving.

My wife's maternal grandmother is a holocaust survivor and my wife invited me to listen to her grandma speak about her experiences at their synagogue for an event. I'm Catholic (lapsed) and my wife is Jewish, and I have a German last name and my wife later took it when we got married. At the time this happened we had been dating for a little while, less than six months maybe? This is the second time I met her grandmother. Well I go, and she asks me about serving in the military and I briefly tell her. I tell her my father served and so did my grandfather, and that he fought in World War II. Well, she asks if he served in the German Army. I tell her no he served in the American Army. I call her later that night and ask: Does your grandma know he was in the American Army, right? She laughs and says yes.

I found out around that time my wife's grandmothers brother (uncle) was holocaust survivor also, and later joined the US Army, served in Vietnam and made a career of it and retired after 20+ years. He passed away shortly after that moment. RIP

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made May 7 at 2018 1:58 AM

2018-05-07T01:58:01-04:00

TSgt Scott Hurley You USAF people are too COOL! As an acknowledged, “champion”, I am entitled to ask, are you trying to say “FART”?

Response by SGT Jim Arnold made May 7 at 2018 2:25 AM

2018-05-07T02:25:34-04:00

I was in Yuma, AZ. Spc Harley and I were setting up a radio link between a gun range position and the main data center 30 miles away. While we were finishing up a sidewinder rattler scurried near us. Harley grabbed a shovel and scooted him around sort of tinkering with him after a few minutes of this he got carried away and nick it's neck and mortally wounded it. We picked it up and put it in a cup with a lid and took him back to the office where Mr. Kim our Korean tech and the other civilians were playing cards.( Kim like to tell us he buried snakes in a pot with cabbage as a male enhancement). Well I took the dead snake out of the cup and coiled the snake up in a desk drawer like it was going to strike. I then asked kim for a calculator. He reaches in grabs calculator and hands it to me. Harley and I both looked at each other in disbelief as neither of us could believe he missed the snake. I played like I did some math and handed the calculator back to kim. He finally saw the snake after the 2nd time asking for the calculator. He took the snake home and ate him.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Jul 23 at 2018 9:12 PM

2018-07-23T21:12:01-04:00

TSgt Scott Hurley Troops really enjoyed me putting the wrong end of a burning cigar in my mouth!

Response by SSG Warren Swan made Jul 23 at 2018 10:34 PM

2018-07-23T22:34:21-04:00

As a MP in the 90’s we used to play fuck fuck games to pass the time when manning the gates. One game in particular was who could score the highest DOD decal. Back then you were required to have them permanently affixed to your vehicle so the highest anyone scored was a full COL. insert PVT Dumbass(me), and I’m on shift and playing the game. Had a female come in the gate at Ft. McNair. I stopped her, looked at her Id and asked where was her decal, so she popped it up and it had FOUR stars....PVT Dumbass saw this as him taking the crown with the highest decal EVER. Soo I politely use my impressive interpersonal skills to inform this female that she was in violation of reg whatever and she had to surrender her placard. WHY did I do that? She slapped that car in park, proceeded to get on a cellphone and I’m standing there not flexing one bit. I was gonna be King!! Well what I didn’t know was this wasn’t the average spouse. Her last name was Borda. Didn’t mean shit to me then. She was wrong I was right, and within 30 minutes my life was about to suck. Her husband if memory serves was the CNO, his staff called the MDW Commander who made some calls of his own...to the provost marshals office on Mc Nair. Those calls ended with the Ops SGT, my team leader, my PSG, the 1SG and my company commander having a talk with me about how to ‘overlook’ certain things. A GO does not have to permanently mount their decal like everyone else (PVT Dumbass didn’t know that. It wasn’t in the regs). If the weight of the world could’ve come down ANY harder I wouldn’t have noticed. ADM Boordas wife lit my ass up royally, his SNCOs lit my ass up precisely, and everyone just laughed at me that was working the shift. To make it worse, I had to give it back and apologize. After that

ADM Boorda killed him self over folks questioning a ribbon. A ribbon he was actually entitled to. This incident showed how ‘high’ one could get just to come down crashing hard, and to read about his death later on makes it even more shitty. You never know who is going to chew your ass, and from experience the spouses are the worst.

Response by MSG Frank Kapaun made Oct 12 at 2018 11:40 PM

2018-10-12T23:40:57-04:00

When we invaded Iraq in 2003, I was 1SG of a Free Iraqi Forces detachment. I was in a convoy around the Talil Airfield area and we stopped for a long halt. My bowels started rumbling and I had to take a shit. I told the driver of the Hummer I was in my predicament and not to leave under any circumstances. Next I grabbed my trusty ammunition box so that I could sit somewhat comfortably take my shit. My trousers and chem suit were dropped, rifle across my lap and I was at my happy place. Well, have you ever felt a pair of eyes looking at you? Looking over my shoulder there were four pair of children’s eyes intently staring at me shit. It was then that I noticed the hut. In short order, an Iraqi man came out and started yelling at the children, in an animated fashion. His hands were in the air and he gave me one of those if looks could kill stares. It occurred to me right then and there, not only had we invaded his country, upsetting life as he knew it, but I had just taken a steaming, stinking shit in his front yard.

Response by MSG Frank Kapaun made Nov 20 at 2018 3:48 PM

2018-11-20T15:48:42-05:00

Being intoroduced my brand new Company Commander’s wife at a dining in, one week after she gave a friend of mine a blow job in the front seat of my truck. We had been out clubbing and the two of them hooked up.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 11 at 2019 12:23 PM

2019-11-11T12:23:42-05:00

On a ship in the yards in Croatia. CO is Catholic. I'm a Reservist. Working on Easter Sunday Divine Services, for the better part of the morning. XO comes by, knocks on my office, and says, "Hey Chaps, there's a CO's Mast at 0930 in the XXX room". That's Captain's Mast, NJP. We don't really do those in the Reserves, at least not the unit I was in. So I'd never heard "CO's Mast", always "Captain's Mast". Working on Divine Service, knowing the CO was Catholic, I heard "Captain's MASS".

Thought it was kinda odd, him having a Mass on board without calling me to set it up, but, whatever. He's the CO, I'm just a reservist. 0930, aye.

I show up about 15 minutes early, with my Bible, ready to go. OPS comes by, "Hey, Chaps, you here for the punishment?"
Me: "Uh, no sir. There's a Mass here in a few minutes."
OPS: "Well...we have an NJP at 0930."
Me: "Huh.....that's when the Mass is."
OPS: "Well, we were expecting you. Go grab your cover anyway, maybe your thing will start afterwards."

So I go run, grab my cover, get back in plenty of time for the Captain's Mast. One of the Chiefs, "Hey, Chaps....what you got your Bible for?"
Me: "Oh, there's a Mass in a little bit. Just getting ready."
Chief: "Did you say 'Mass' or 'Mast'?"
Me: "I said 'Mass'...……..oh. Ohhhhh. Mast, not Mass."
Chief: "Chaps bringing a Bible to Captain's Mast. I was thinking it was gonna get real serious!"

Yeah, that got a few jokes the next day.