What is the most ridiculous thing your 1SGT has said in front of the company?

2016-03-01T15:32:45-05:00

Response by 1SG David Niles made Mar 1 at 2016 3:37 PM

2016-03-01T15:37:51-05:00

I can respect that.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 1 at 2016 3:56 PM

2016-03-01T15:56:11-05:00

"You are only gay if you are on the bottom".
- July, 1993

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 1 at 2016 4:11 PM

2016-03-01T16:11:48-05:00

You five PVTs, half of you report to the mess sergeant.

Response by 1SG Carlos E Bonet made Mar 1 at 2016 5:01 PM

2016-03-01T17:01:10-05:00

You more wrong that two boys fucking each other behind the church while the priest is giving the sermon

Response by WO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 1 at 2016 6:20 PM

2016-03-01T18:20:09-05:00

"Hey, sir, do you have any motivational comments for these Douchebags, oh, I mean FAG's? ....What, it means Fucking Awesome Guy. What else would it mean?"

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 1 at 2016 6:57 PM

2016-03-01T18:57:20-05:00

I had a 1SG in 2005 tell a soldier in formation who falsely claimed that they were suicidal that to prove he was a lying piece of shit he would take him up to the roof of the barracks and have him prove it by jumping. Imagine what would happen to a leader in 2016 if they said something like that. Even if the soldier was lying, it was a disgusting thing to say.

Response by Capt Mark Strobl made Mar 1 at 2016 6:59 PM

2016-03-01T18:59:16-05:00

After a overhearing a very incoherent status report from a 2ndLt to the CoCO, the 1stSgt concluded the briefing with: "****ing PhD majors!"

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 1 at 2016 7:00 PM

2016-03-01T19:00:09-05:00

I also had another 1SG in the 82nd yell at a PVT who failed to call at ease and tell him that he was going to smoke the blood out of him and eat his kids.

Response by SSG Warren Swan made Mar 1 at 2016 7:25 PM

2016-03-01T19:25:06-05:00

When 1SG says this and you have that ONE guy who doesn't know what it means. That guy happens to be your Soldier. And both of you are now working directly for 1SG doing a detail because you didn't run fast enough.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 1 at 2016 7:54 PM

2016-03-01T19:54:15-05:00

There we were, right in the middle of a company run. 1SG calls "quick time, March. Column half right, march," etc. Basically, put us in the grass.

We knew we were about to get smoked in the middle of a run. After a pretty quick smoke session, he told us to sound off because, and I quote, "We're not doing this shit for our health."

Ummm, so why exactly do we do PT?

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 1 at 2016 8:30 PM

2016-03-01T20:30:16-05:00

Take your head out of your third point of contact.

Response by MSgt Daniel Attilio made Mar 1 at 2016 9:19 PM

2016-03-01T21:19:55-05:00

Had a 1stSgt that spoke in 3rd person -all the time. When it wasn't an butt chewing it was like "what is wrong with this guy"

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 1 at 2016 9:38 PM

2016-03-01T21:38:40-05:00

ShamaLongadingdong!!!

Response by SPC Keith Goddard made Mar 1 at 2016 10:50 PM

2016-03-01T22:50:52-05:00

Hahaha

Response by 1stSgt Eugene Harless made Mar 1 at 2016 10:57 PM

2016-03-01T22:57:21-05:00

We had a GySgt filling the Billet of Battery 1st Sgt that had some Doozies. For some reason he like to personally sound revielle (by shaking people awake) in the field. Of course some poor L/Cpl still half asleep made the mistake of kicking at him in his sleeping bag, The Gunny/1st Sgt went apeshit and dragged the guy off the back of a 5 ton ,, still in his sleeping bag. He then called a battery formation before anyone was fully dressed.
He then called us to attention and said "I MAY NOT BE A KARATE GUY LIKE THAT MUTHAFUCKER ,,, WHATSHISNAME,, JOHN BELUSHI,,,, BUT IF ANY OF YOU MUTHAFUCKERS EVER KICK AT ME AGAIN WHEN I'M WAKING YOU MUTHAFUCKAS UP... I'M GOING TO RETCH UP YO' ASS,, GRAB YO' TONGUE AND PULL IT OUT YO' MUTHAFUCKIN' BACK". The funniest thing was he was gesturing these moves with his hand the whole time.
He then just walked away.

Response by COL Charles Williams made Mar 1 at 2016 11:11 PM

2016-03-01T23:11:09-05:00

SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member That is yet another good one... Mine is not a quippy one like yours.... But when I was a 2LT (back in the day) my Armor CAV 1SG was fat as a house and every day would admonish the company about getting kicked out if your were fat or could not pass the APFT... I never saw him at PT...

Response by Sgt Tom Cunnally made Mar 1 at 2016 11:15 PM

2016-03-01T23:15:46-05:00

I forget all our Tops were low key guys who didn't say much, they were too busy running the administration for a company of Marines with "Boot Lts" & young PfCs who needed a lot of guidance.

Response by SGT William Howell made Mar 2 at 2016 8:00 AM

2016-03-02T08:00:34-05:00

The Lieutenant is going to come up here now and give you guys some advice, so listen up!

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 2 at 2016 8:25 AM

2016-03-02T08:25:27-05:00

That kids are the worst STD to get.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 2 at 2016 10:44 AM

2016-03-02T10:44:45-05:00

look at me nuss, you got a problem hearing?
I then look at him
You got a problem hearing?
Um no first sgt, I just looked at you....
*famous last words...*

Response by SSG Samuel Sohm made Mar 2 at 2016 4:10 PM

2016-03-02T16:10:58-05:00

At friday release formation, with most of us in a horseshoe for the safety brief

HHC 1SG (2012ish): Ok look here dicks, this is the deal about the whole SHARP thing going around. As the commander said, we have to be careful not that we have ever had any incidents here. Actually I have been pretty fortunate to never have had to deal with an issue in my time as a leader. That being said, (emphasis) IT'S RAPE, IT'S NOT SURPRISE SEX. That is all.

Response by SPC Kevin Sypnier made Mar 2 at 2016 4:35 PM

2016-03-02T16:35:52-05:00

You've got to stick it in her butt, that way she'll never forget you!

Response by PO3 Jay Glass made Mar 2 at 2016 7:01 PM

2016-03-02T19:01:21-05:00

We were in formation on the flight deck of the USS Enterprise getting a briefing for a West Pac (six month) cruise. The Master Chief pointed to the USS Carl Vinson across the pier and told us not to worry about our wives because the Carl Vinson was still in town.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 2 at 2016 8:52 PM

2016-03-02T20:52:06-05:00

when ever my 1SG made a mistake he would say "let me get like i was before i got like i is"

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 3 at 2016 1:17 PM

2016-03-03T13:17:04-05:00

One time in PT Formation. 1SG said "I won't be here after today because I'm having surgery, MSG ____ will be taking over for the next 3 months while I'm recovering. Please give him as much support to him as you have given me".

"WHICH WAS NOTHING FUCKERS !!!"

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 3 at 2016 1:19 PM

2016-03-03T13:19:23-05:00

"I'm having a bad day, You know how bad it is? It's so bad that It's raining pussys and I'm being hit with dicks".

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 4 at 2016 8:56 AM

2016-03-04T08:56:04-05:00

one day, 2008 I think, we were all at PT formation and it was raining. the 1SG looked around asked if anyone was cold. of course some SPCs raised their hands, so he demanded everyone in the company unblouse their pt shirts and then roll around in the pools of rainwater on the ground on our naked bellies and backs, in cadence. then after a good five minutes of rolling around he called us to attention and then asked if anyone was cold now.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 6 at 2016 4:53 PM

2016-03-06T16:53:10-05:00

Lol.

Response by SFC Joseph Lumpkins made Oct 15 at 2017 1:07 PM

2017-10-15T13:07:37-04:00

We had a former AF captain that transferred over to the Army and one day we were in formation and he said “circle formation move” well we all just stood there becasue we had no idea what he was wanting us to do.

Response by COL Jerold Wood made Oct 15 at 2017 2:21 PM

2017-10-15T14:21:53-04:00

At Company morning formation, "I have 83 men here, I'm supposed to have 82. Where is the other man?"

Response by TSgt Marco McDowell made Oct 16 at 2017 8:22 AM

2017-10-16T08:22:03-04:00

If the shoe fits, put a bucket on your head...you can't lead a dead horse to water because you beat him...you're SOS because without the sh*t you don't even have the luck to be SOL. My favorite was "You miss duty and I'll f****ing burn you to the ground".

Response by SGT Adam Winebarger made Oct 16 at 2017 12:43 PM

2017-10-16T12:43:54-04:00

Had a 1SG give us a speech about his multiple deployments and the number of jumps he had (it was in the triple digits), then told us about how he'd never had a TBI, gotten a concussion, had never had knee or ankle issues (we were in an airborne unit so that sort of thing was common), had never had any major injuries during his time in the army, and had never even gone to sick call. He then credited all of that to the fact that he always wore his eyepro and gloves.

Response by SPC Gary Welch made Feb 11 at 2019 3:27 PM

2019-02-11T15:27:35-05:00

Had a 1sgt when I was active duty on ft hood 1/5 cav 1st cav we were in first duty formation at 0900 he comes walking out with a cup of coffee in his hand gets up in front of the formation and said" how many of you smoke dope? If I catch ya smoking dope in the barracks I don't give a fuck where you live you ain't living in my barracks you can live in the fucking parking lot I don't care " then he turned around and walked back in the company building this wasn't anything new because this was his entire inbriefing when I got to the company

Response by SPC David S. made Feb 11 at 2019 3:31 PM

2019-02-11T15:31:25-05:00

"Stephenson you're in charge"

Response by SGT Edward Greenslit made Feb 15 at 2019 9:44 AM

2019-02-15T09:44:56-05:00

Had a 1sg who when marching troops called everything on the right foot.

Response by SGT Roy Wickware made Feb 15 at 2019 7:56 PM

2019-02-15T19:56:17-05:00

Had a Co get shot through both his kness. The 1SG went on to say if he had been wearing his knee pads that wouldn't have happened.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 16 at 2019 4:40 AM

2019-02-16T04:40:20-05:00

A 1SG who would lose his train of thought mid brief and issue a stream of “god damn”s and “fuckin”s as fillers until he found it.

Response by SFC Antoine Hines made Feb 16 at 2019 9:23 AM

2019-02-16T09:23:14-05:00

ROK.....102nd MI Bde. 1SGT would always tell us in formation; "if you dont follow your CHANGE of Command, I'm gonna max u out"! Change of command???? Wtf?

Response by MSG Johnathan Mathes made Feb 16 at 2019 5:45 PM

2019-02-16T17:45:50-05:00

Well can we at least spell it right 1st? Called 1SG there is no tee in the army version of it

Response by Sgt Andrew Pouliot made Feb 16 at 2019 6:52 PM

2019-02-16T18:52:52-05:00

I have a couple, some of them aren't 1st Sgt's but I figured we could talk about some really dumb things people in the military say:

Jan 2014, Camp Bastion AFG, we're forming up facing the sun for a pre-flight brief before flying home from our deployment, a 1st Lt walked around with shades on while everyone else including our battalion CO and company command staff stood in formation, guess he thought he was special, he yelled at everyone to remove their shades in formation, then proceeded to keep his shades on while he stood in formation. When someone called him out, he yelled across the whole battalion, "Who the f*** said that". All the captains were dumbfounded. For what ever reason, LtCol didn't say anything.

Dec 2010, Camp Johnson NC, we were in MAT Plt awaiting our start dates for MOS school, so its dozens of E1s and E2s under the supervision of two SSgts, one of the SSgts was talking about us doing PT, and the MSgt (E8) in charge of the schoolhouse came in and said, "Hey, I joined in 1994 and I got to where I am now by doing the absolute bare minimum, you don't need to put out that much effort I mean hey look at me I'm a master sergeant." Smooth move, Top.

Sometime in 2016, I was a Corporal running Interior Guard at my unit and we were sitting in on annual classes. We had a GySgt (E7) from our Inspector-Instructor Staff, absolute rock, who would yell at people for nothing, ignore proper greetings of the day, and step all over toes messing up training even if he wasn't involved. One day another Cpl was giving the class and kept saying "um" and "uh" every other word and Gunny, who has the reading comprehension and English composition level of a first grader and stutters like crazy during briefs yells out, "Stop f*ckin stuttering!" and the Cpl giving the class, a good buddy of mine said "Why don't you give the class then Gunny" and everyone was like "ooooooh!" and our 1st Sgt started laughing and had to tell us all to shut up.

FOB Shukvani AFG, 2013
That 1st Lt with the shades was the OOD one night when someone came on the security net trying to report something to another sector, he said "shit" on the radio and that fearless officer shouted on the net for all to hear, "Don't f*cking swear on the net!"

In 2011-13, I had a 1st Sgt who had a hard time reading, he would read promotion warrants as "to the presents greetings" instead of "to those present, greetings" and I still hear that in my head during promotion ceremonies to this day. In 2013 while getting ready to deploy, we had another 1st Sgt who butchered every single last name on roll call, even Smith and Jones (pronounced Smythe and Johnny respectively). I had a buddy named Masis (pronounced muh-SEES) and 1st Sgt said Mar-Sis and Masis, a LCpl at the time said, "Wow I didn't know I had an R in my name" and our Plt Sgt shouted at him to STFU. Pretty hilarious.

In 2013, I was running the flight line on my FOB in Afghanistan and was prepping to go out on a mission when a 1st Sgt from 3/7 Marines (infantry) went way out of his way to walk through our area. He saw me and asked me "Where's your shave, Devil Dog?" and I said, "Are you serious? I have a bird on deck I don't have time for this" and he said "And where's your haircut Devil?" and when I refused to even speak with him he started chewing me out right there in the LZ, while wearing a cover (which is not allowed) about how I was letting standards slip. I kicked him off the LZ (as an E3 I was LZ boss, so billet supercedes rank) and he came back the next day to chew us out for the same thing. I told him to get off my flight line and that he wasn't allowed back, he then saw my Cpl smoking a cigarette while driving his 5K forklift and wearing a hard hat and said, "Where's your K-pot Devil?" (SOP was hard hats for HE operators, per base order, come on 1st Sgt your CO wrote the order). My Cpl knew about my encounter with him the previous day and said "You're not even from our command, why are you over here interfering with flight operations?" and 1st Sgt just glared at him and said "You can't smoke in the gear" so my Cpl took a deep puff, blew smoke at 1st Sgt, then flicked his cigarette at him and said "LCpl Pouliot is the LZ chief and I believe he gave you a lawful order to leave this LZ, 1st Sgt." That guy later filed a complaint against us and my company 1st Sgt told him in no uncertain terms to back off and let us do our jobs.

Response by SGT Doug Turner made Feb 16 at 2019 11:17 PM

2019-02-16T23:17:40-05:00

We were in the field, sick call vehicle returned from dropping off the injured guys. 1SG sees a Snickers Ice Cream Bar wrapper in the front seat. Gets EVERY NCO in the middle of a field, starts smoking us all because the NCO that took people to sick call violated the no stops in the rear order he gave all of the NCOswho had to run troops to the rear. About an hour into this fuckfest of face beating this NCO says "it was just a fucking Snickers bar" we get told to recover, top starts pacing, he says "well let me tell you about this Snickers bar" at that time the largest bolt of lightning ever struck the field and the thunder basically forced hearts to skip a beat. 1SG took a deep breath, said "the good Lord knows what's about to happen to y'all, he's telling me it'll end my career. Get your sorry asses inside"

Response by SGT John Turner made Feb 16 at 2019 11:50 PM

2019-02-16T23:50:47-05:00

1987 we were set up in a state park, grills, picnic tables and restrooms all around us. We made coffee on a grill on morning and 1Sg came by told us to put out the fire and coffee this wasn't a picnic area.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 17 at 2019 3:55 AM

2019-02-17T03:55:33-05:00

We are all tools of the military. You're a tool, I'm a tool... this isn't rocket mathematics, folks!

Response by SFC Victor Feldman made Feb 17 at 2019 11:23 AM

2019-02-17T11:23:04-05:00

During a three day safety brief we were told “ Now don’t go out and drink yourselves into Bolivia!”

Response by CH (CPT)(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 18 at 2019 12:01 AM

2019-02-18T00:01:15-05:00

"On the command of fall out, you will fall out and fall in on me. Fall out."

TBF, I've heard that from buck Sergeants to a full bird Colonel.

Response by 1SG John Highfill made Feb 18 at 2019 11:55 AM

2019-02-18T11:55:57-05:00

Being retired 1SG I’ll stay out of this one I’m sure I’ve inserted my foot many many time the key for me was to be able to laugh at your self

Response by SGT Larry Reinlasoder made Feb 18 at 2019 12:53 PM

2019-02-18T12:53:11-05:00

I am here to sweep out the riff raff

Response by Maj John Bell made Mar 5 at 2019 9:07 PM

2019-03-05T21:07:40-05:00

I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you

Shock me, say something intelligent.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 5 at 2019 9:08 PM

2019-03-05T21:08:40-05:00

After getting chewed on as a young SP4: "I might think you are a fuck up, the CO might think you are a fuck up and you probably think you are a fuck up. But, you ain't a fuck up, because if you were you would be getting an Article 15 and there ain't a damn Sergeant Major one that hasn't gotten at least one. So I don't want you to become a Sergeant Major and that's why the CO didn't give you an Article 15. Now get out of my office.

Response by 1SG Larry Taggart made Mar 5 at 2019 9:51 PM

2019-03-05T21:51:12-05:00

Back in 97 when I was a Recruiter. (yes, Recruiter. Not by choice) Our station had made it's mission for the month but the company still needed one more Grad Alpha and everyone in the station was just working for the next month. As we got closer to Mission Monday the 1SG came to the station to try and squeeze one more out of someone. As the high producer the 1SG sat down with me going thru my prospective applicants. Afte making up excuses on why so and so can't go to MEPS by Monday I can see he is getting fustrated and he slams the lid of my 200 card box shut and yells at Me "HBO". I look at him confused so he says "Help a Brother Out". Being always one with a quick wit I yell back yeah and next month if I come short on my mission it will be Hose a Brother Over. 1SG looks at me and says your going to become a great 1SG and walks away

Response by SPC Brian Nou made Mar 6 at 2019 9:58 AM

2019-03-06T09:58:44-05:00

CSM, not 1st SGT. Assuming command briefing to the battalion. You shave your mustaches. A mustache is nothing but the hair around a billy goats asshole.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 6 at 2019 10:34 AM

2019-03-06T10:34:07-05:00

The army is a representative slice of society, and society is shit.

Response by CW3 Jere Hodges made Mar 6 at 2019 4:04 PM

2019-03-06T16:04:43-05:00

My first formation at Ft. Clayton, CZ. The (acting) 1Sgt says: "You new guys, when you go to Panama City, be careful of the bar girls, they will roll you. I know, I've been rolled three times. This was way back in 1963.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 6 at 2019 5:05 PM

2019-03-06T17:05:04-05:00

Have two that come to mind. First was 1SG in OSUT Ft. Knox KY in 96. We were in formation for 1SG’s inspection and he gets to my battle buddy who was a Spc. because of college. 1SG asks how you get that rank tanker? My Battle replies I went to college 1SG. 1SG then asks what you study; hears the reply of Aerospace Engineering then asks you mean you like a rocket scientist ? Why ain’t you working at NASA, how much they pay for entry level there like 40G’s a year right; well hell for that money I’d lick a fu@!ng floor clean.

The second one was my 1SG at 1/12 cav Ft. Hood. 1SG couldn’t remember me for some reason and every time he would see me would yell out Hey Private you come and see me for in processing yet? You did; well dammit you are a forgettable sumbitch aren’t you.
He would literally go though this every single time he would see me. Although 3 years later in Korea he ended up being my BDE CSM and he finally remembered me

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 6 at 2019 8:36 PM

2019-03-06T20:36:14-05:00

Back in AIT we got a newly promoted 1SG roughly 8 weeks in if I remember correctly. She was addressing the company and called us Alpha (we were bravo) and when she got 1000 strange looks corrected herself and proceeded to chew us out saying it took her doing that to get our attention.... meanwhile, commander is looking at her with a look on his face that says I can’t wait to have a conversation with her after this formation.

Response by SFC Mark Lathan made Mar 6 at 2019 11:56 PM

2019-03-06T23:56:19-05:00

And I quote: “I F#$&*/@ HATE YOU ALL, AND I WISH Y OU WERE ALL DEAD!”

Response by MAJ Steve Daugherty made Mar 7 at 2019 10:59 AM

2019-03-07T10:59:36-05:00

When was in during 70’s and 80’s they started the weight control program. The reason given was president Carter didn’t like how senior NCO’s looked in their uniforms. Health wasn’t a concern till later in the game

Response by SSG Emile Carr made Mar 7 at 2019 11:22 AM

2019-03-07T11:22:45-05:00

I was a brand new sgt stationed in Korea, 1sg would have me come to his office everyday after work for NCOPD and mentoring for a month, which I appreciate to this day. So around day 18 I walk into the orderly room heading to Tops office and I over hear him chewing this joe out. So long story short he puts joe out his office and as he leaves joe with some few choice words as joe was walking out of his office, Top looks me dead in the a said with a straight face. “ The problem with soldiers today is they can’t do wrong right” that was the most brilliant observation I had ever heard. And best believe I stole that line the rest of my career, giving him credit each time of course

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 7 at 2019 12:03 PM

2019-03-07T12:03:55-05:00

Wasn't a 1sg was a SSGT when I was in the Marines, we were at a range and he was trying to talk over some Devils having a side bar convo, and no lie he says " hey how about you shut your mouth before I snuck your D***" we were all flabberghasted and let's just say the convo stopped. This was in 09

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 7 at 2019 4:12 PM

2019-03-07T16:12:14-05:00

Getting ready for the famil day/company picnic. 1SG states “Ladies I don’t want to see any of y’all wearing those Patty Dukes!”

Response by SGT Joe McNeil made Mar 7 at 2019 4:23 PM

2019-03-07T16:23:16-05:00

Had a 1SG pull all Barack’s soldiers aside (I was in the barracks at the time) and tell us we needed to talk to the tree in front of our barracks.
“Um, say again Top?”
“You have to talk to it, keep it company. Tell it it is pretty”
... looked at my buddy and was like ‘did Top just tell us to talk to a f’ing tree?’

Response by CPL Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 7 at 2019 4:44 PM

2019-03-07T16:44:45-05:00

Back in 2015, when I was stationed in the at Ft. Richardson, a rival company was slowly circling us as we were getting our weekend safety brief. 1SG called us in to come close, gave the safety brief, and ended with, “On 3 yell, ‘Comanche, bring it on bitches,’”. What then proceeded was a company on company wrestling match that ended with me getting thrown on top of a conex, without my boots, beret, or belt.

Response by SPC Timothy Redinger made Mar 7 at 2019 6:20 PM

2019-03-07T18:20:18-05:00

We were in formation the morning after a piss test. 1SG is so hot he is steaming. Is literally going on about how in all his years he has never been so embarrassed to have someone not only fail a drug test but try to tamper with the evidence. Goes on for a good thirty minutes. Pulls a used urinalysis bottle from his pocket..opens it...and drinks out of it. Yells at the top of his lungs, It tastes Puerto Rican, McClain get up here. My buddy is absolutely furious because he is 1 not PR, and 2 is law enforcement so he knows it's not his. When he gets to the 1SG he gets awarded an AAM and 1SG bursts out laughing at his green tea in a bottle.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 7 at 2019 6:25 PM

2019-03-07T18:25:43-05:00

"troop welfare doesn't mean we have to care about you"

Response by SGT Damion Jiles made Mar 7 at 2019 6:58 PM

2019-03-07T18:58:57-05:00

Does anyone know 1SG/CSM Lynwood B. Lewis? If so, I don't need say anything further.

Response by SGT Daniel Rocco Ames made Mar 7 at 2019 7:56 PM

2019-03-07T19:56:55-05:00

My first safety brief at my first dury station was the best. We had several DUIs in recent weeks, so my 1SG stood in front of the Battery and said, "Men if you come to my formation drunk, I will take you to the MP station, and I will blow you!" Of course we all started snickering, and his response still cracks me up to this day. He smiled, and said, "Man, that was gay, men. That was really really gay..." Priceless!

Response by CPL Eric Bedford made Mar 7 at 2019 8:37 PM

2019-03-07T20:37:24-05:00

Had a MSG would day at almost every formation “listen here guys, I ain’t gonna beat a dead horse to death with a dead slingshot so don’t miss the boat” to this day 30 years later I still have no idea what he was talking about.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 7 at 2019 9:10 PM

2019-03-07T21:10:26-05:00

We were all rear det. And top introduced private skippy at least 6 times as a new soldier to this day he has never lived it down lol

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 7 at 2019 9:46 PM

2019-03-07T21:46:01-05:00

Diamonds trump bi%#!

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 7 at 2019 11:27 PM

2019-03-07T23:27:00-05:00

“It smells like wet raccoon pussy out here”

Response by PFC Elijah Rose made Mar 8 at 2019 2:23 AM

2019-03-08T02:23:44-05:00

"You're all just a bunch of liars, thieves, and bullies!"
Due to being assaulted several times and having hundreds of dollars of goods stolen, I was inclined to agree.

Response by 1SG Jeffrey Hatch made Mar 8 at 2019 7:33 AM

2019-03-08T07:33:53-05:00

1981, A co 237th Engineers. If you’re going to smoke that shit (hash) smoke it up in the vineyards not in my barracks

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 8 at 2019 9:29 AM

2019-03-08T09:29:22-05:00

I had a first sgt once ask "who fucking called IG on me!? I want to shake your fucking hand!" "Still not going home before 20:00" lol

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 8 at 2019 12:25 PM

2019-03-08T12:25:40-05:00

1SG told us to help them find the IEDs when we were ripping out

Response by SSG James Pearson made Mar 9 at 2019 4:08 AM

2019-03-09T04:08:57-05:00

1SG called the company to attention when retreat sounded. When To the Colors sounded, he couldn't remember the order, "Present arms". He yelled "Company....umm, Salute!"

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Mar 9 at 2019 4:34 AM

2019-03-09T04:34:12-05:00

Suicide means a lot of paperwork for me. I hate paperwork. So if you try, you better pray you succeed. Because if you try and fail, I will kill you.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 9 at 2019 9:58 AM

2019-03-09T09:58:49-05:00

Not my 1stSgt, but my company Gunny was a soft spoken good ole boy from the backwoods of Georgia; the kinda person who grew up using the phrase “color people” but didn’t mean any offense. He was a good guy who liked telling the company about all the things there were to do on base (discounted kayak rentals, free upcoming concerts etc.) One day he got us all in formation before the CO came out to release everyone. “Ok, we got a few activities going on this week. Where are my Beaners at?” ~awkward silence and stunned looks from everyone~ Then he repeats himself “My Beaners, my darker guys. Where y’all at?” The Hispanic guys slowly raise their hands, he smiles then says “Alright, there’s a soccer tournament going on the next few weeks and I know how good y’all are at soccer, so if you wanna get a team together come see me and we’ll get y’all signed up.”

Nothing was brought up about it because everyone knew he loved his marines and didn’t mean anything by it. It was still a topic of motorpool conversation for the next week.

Response by SSG Earl Corp made Mar 9 at 2019 5:29 PM

2019-03-09T17:29:44-05:00

Why don’t you just get the fuck out of my army

Response by LTC Monte Anderson made Mar 10 at 2019 12:56 PM

2019-03-10T12:56:29-04:00

Thy shall not cultivate on thy lip what grows wild on thy ass.

Response by LTC Gene Moser made Mar 10 at 2019 10:57 PM

2019-03-10T22:57:03-04:00

Not quite the same thing, but when I was HH Btry commander my very able (and ancient) 1st SGT was deaf in one ear like I was - this being a howitzer battalion. The battery used to have a fit watching the Old Man and the First Shirt circle each other trying to hear what the other said.

Response by SGT Carlton Williams made Mar 12 at 2019 4:12 PM

2019-03-12T16:12:11-04:00

We don't have a mine detector so we are going to line up and walk across the area to determine if there are any mines. 1st Sgt for the HQ Battery 1/181 FA 196 Brigade. Southern Iraq Desert Storm. He was an idiot but nobody ever said idiots can't be 1st Sgt. FYI, the whole company refused the order.

Response by SSG Mark DeTillion made Mar 12 at 2019 7:53 PM

2019-03-12T19:53:54-04:00

Mine was one of the tallest Puerto Rican’s I have ever seen. He would say “If you fuck up, I will fuck you all the way to the balls”. (Imagine being done with appropriate accent)

Response by SPC David Wojtysiak made Mar 12 at 2019 11:25 PM

2019-03-12T23:25:26-04:00

Said at his retirement ceremony in front of half of Ft. Ord regarding me..."If anyone has a desire that I might die of a misfortunate hunting accident; I'll be living in Ft. Carson, Colorado: Wojtysiak!

Response by SPC Sean Martin made Mar 17 at 2019 1:53 PM

2019-03-17T13:53:52-04:00

70% of you are expected to die in the first day! ~ Desert Storm

Response by Kayden Estremera made Mar 19 at 2019 1:21 PM

2019-03-19T13:21:48-04:00

''Do 50 push-ups or like my ass.''

Response by SPC William Szkromiuk made Mar 30 at 2019 6:48 PM

2019-03-30T18:48:44-04:00

Not quite ridiculous, but this posting reminded of this story.
51 years ago. Fort Lewis. Morning Formation. Top brings the company to attention. Looks left and right. Then say " F.T.A." does an about face and we never see him again. Man had 26 years in. I don't know who broke him. But I have an idea.
Big shame he was a good man.

Response by A1C Charles Hagen made Apr 1 at 2019 3:00 AM

2019-04-01T03:00:46-04:00

"Do we really need this IFF?"

Response by SSG James Mielke made Apr 6 at 2019 9:11 AM

2019-04-06T09:11:32-04:00

"Magazine Inspection!"
1985, at a very small kaserne in Germnay; Top came to the battery about 0200 one night, drunker than a whole platoon of DAGBYS.
Had us all fall out for formation and starts a drunken rant about rusty magazines. Has us all go back into the barracks to don full LBE complete with K-pot and loaded rucks, when we all finally get back in formation, he has us open ranks for an inspection and starts opening up everyone's magazine pouches and tossing our magazines around screaming about how rusty they all are.

Response by Gregory Pasquier made Apr 24 at 2019 10:17 PM

2019-04-24T22:17:12-04:00

2001, A Co 832nd Redstone Arsenal....

At COB formation on a Friday our 1SG comes out and gives us a speech about how he doesn’t want anyone doing the “huckle-buck up in his burricks!” A giggle moment, fer sure.....

Response by SPC Dennis Caisse made Apr 26 at 2019 6:52 AM

2019-04-26T06:52:04-04:00

We were called for guard.: two of us reported to battalion CQ for duty. The sergeant in charge of the detail said, "All right mens. It's time to Simonize your watches."

Response by SP5 George Traylor made Apr 27 at 2019 3:12 PM

2019-04-27T15:12:42-04:00

Top (he liked being called Top) would get in front and announce to everyone if you did not do your job it was called redundant in your duties. (redundant means repeat repeat repeat) Rip !st Sgt he passed as a Ret CSM.

Response by SGT Raymond Franco made Apr 28 at 2019 5:33 PM

2019-04-28T17:33:31-04:00

I can lead a company to war and my wife don’t think I can run a checkbook!!

Response by SFC Scott Higgins made Apr 28 at 2019 9:44 PM

2019-04-28T21:44:01-04:00

At a promotion ceremony for a private, the First Sergeant told the company commander to "Post".
When the company commander replied that he did not have to post, the first sergeant threw his hands up in the air and said, "Okay Then!". This same first sergeant later told the group of NCO's he had called into his office, "I am the first sergeant, if I wasn't the first sergeant I wouldn't be the First Sergeant."

Response by SPC Joseph W. made Apr 29 at 2019 9:38 AM

2019-04-29T09:38:18-04:00

Weekend safety briefing was almost concluded, CO ends by asking the 1SG is he has anything to add.

1SG replies, "Well... my wife's gettin' fake tits. Pretty excited about it."

Response by SPC Joseph W. made Apr 29 at 2019 9:42 AM

2019-04-29T09:42:34-04:00

Weekend safety briefing almost over. CO asks 1SG I'd he has anything to add.

1SG replies, "Well, my wife's gettin' fame tits. I'm pretty excited about it."

Response by SPC Casey Ashfield made Apr 29 at 2019 12:13 PM

2019-04-29T12:13:17-04:00

Not sure if it was ridiculous but sure was memorable safety brief, paraphrasing. "Gentlemen, and those confused, I have started this 36 hour leave a little early so I will keep this brief. Do not add to or subtract from the population at large. And if you are considering something, consider how your squad leader would react to the news at Morning formation before doing so. Dismissed!"

Response by SGT Charles Bartell made Apr 29 at 2019 2:27 PM

2019-04-29T14:27:45-04:00

Do not call him or come to his office because his was getting a VASECTOMY.
Then he stated.
The Resion for this was because.
He did not to want to have kids.
like some of the soldiers he had it the past and, Some in the present.

Response by SGT Milton Pridemore made Apr 29 at 2019 2:35 PM

2019-04-29T14:35:08-04:00

Top Webb would look at us in disgust when something went screwy...Lower and shake his head and say... "I'd rather be in Ouijongbou" (WEE-JON-BOO Korea) for you rocket scientist out there!

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Apr 29 at 2019 5:24 PM

2019-04-29T17:24:19-04:00

Just because the MRE's are packaged, doesn't mean you need to use your P-38's.

Response by SPC James Seigars made May 2 at 2019 4:46 PM

2019-05-02T16:46:45-04:00

Back in 2003/04 I was in the 101st as you can see by the photo of myself & my wife (she passed in 2016 from cancer which she got the year after this photo was taken at our homecoming ball). While I was in Iraq I got the pictured coin (which is my highest one) for taking the other four companies supply personnel to their mail, laundry & chow runs for a month while their vehicles were broke down. Somehow word got to General Shinseki about it (I never did find out how) and when he came to inspect the troops we also had an awards/promotion ceremony. I was actually not there because I was on a detail. I was told by another NCO that I had to get to the ceremony ASAP, but nobody seemed to know why. I had already been promoted and didn’t have any awards pending of which I was aware. I got there & was told to get in line at the end on the right. I did. They went through the ceremony and I got the coin. Afterwards everyone was congratulating me & asking to look at/hold it which I had no problem with. Finally I got to the 1SG who also asked to see it. Of course I obliged. I was feeling really good about doing my part to help the Battalion & all the well wishes I had received, as well as meeting the Chief of Staff until he said the ridiculous thing that came out of his mouth as he handed me back the coin. He said, “Congratulations, Sergeant Seigars. That’s really nice. BUT, I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT IF I HAD KNOWN THIS IS WHAT THEY WANTED YOU FOR I WOULDN’T HAVE HAD ANYONE GET YOU. I would have said you were indisposed and either had them give it to someone else or got it for you and gave it to you when we were redeployed, if at all”. He was like that because he didn’t like my wife since she spoke her mind regardless of who you were. He called her “Trouble” and always had someone get me when she came around, even if she was only wanting to see one of our friends.

Response by LTC Charles Patchin made May 3 at 2019 7:57 AM

2019-05-03T07:57:00-04:00

Next formation the uniform is ponchos. We all fell out in ponchos, ok. Nothing else. He was rather pissed. We followed orders, got sent back to get dressed.

Response by SPC Brian Stephens made May 6 at 2019 11:05 PM

2019-05-06T23:05:29-04:00

Asking the impossible by ordering us to refrain from referring to Lt. Thomas (not his name) as Lt. Tang. This officer used to chew coffee grounds like its Copenhagen when we went to the field. But this time he ran out of coffee grounds and decided to fill his lip with Tang. The Lt. shit his pants as the tang dehydrated him instantly. They had to Medevac him out. By asking us to stop calling him Lt. Tang in front of a full battery formation, Top kind of made sure we would always do that.

Response by SFC Patricia Tucker made May 26 at 2019 4:58 PM

2019-05-26T16:58:26-04:00

When he told the soldiers, three of us were women, to "get off your dicks"!

Response by SGT Jason Murphy made May 26 at 2019 8:53 PM

2019-05-26T20:53:20-04:00

Maybe he meant brain science ! What an idiot

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2019 12:25 AM

2019-05-27T00:25:10-04:00

The first formation he held as our new 1SG, holding his coffee cup in his hand as he called us to attention (I wish I was making this up) and proceeded to tell us he didn’t really know what we (the unit) did, and he didn’t really want to be there, but when you are told to report, you do what you are told.
Suffice to say, he was not our 1SG much longer after that moved up the channels.

Response by MAJ Rj M made May 28 at 2019 2:06 PM

2019-05-28T14:06:08-04:00

[Paraphrasing] Brigade's decreed that all units have to wear TWBDUs and not HWBDUs. I will be going around checking to make sure your boots are highly shined and uniform is in order at all times. (This was an armor company, it was summer and 110 degrees outside before we went on an FTX and then to Table VII)--he said it because he had to. Interesting post-script...returning back to the washracks after about a 15 mile road trip, some Bde officers met us and asked us why we were so dusty.....

Response by CPL Joseph Tapia made May 28 at 2019 4:47 PM

2019-05-28T16:47:09-04:00

Ok so a 1st. Sgt in the 82nd. Airborne Division that was a straight meet head big bastard but he was a rigger so not so much respect there from the rest of the 82nd. Well he gets pissed one day because he's in the middle of a divorce and just after 0900 formation on monday we are all about to be taught how to rigg 2 half-tracks together for a 15000lbs air drop and he yells out "Everyone Form-up" so we do right away "look here you sorry bunch of grunts fuck'n grunts if I was to take my shirt off I would fuck 1/2 of your wife's". And I say out loud " that's because your rear "D" you don't delpoy "Jody"!! That fucker worked the shit out of us after that.

Response by Sgt Mike Ripple made May 29 at 2019 5:35 PM

2019-05-29T17:35:19-04:00

Don't forget the three meat rule this weekend boys, looks like steak smells like fish tastes like chicken!!!

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made May 29 at 2019 9:25 PM

2019-05-29T21:25:44-04:00

I say this shit all the time cuz it's hillarious.

Response by MSgt Brian Williams made May 30 at 2019 1:22 PM

2019-05-30T13:22:59-04:00

"Ok, let's line up." We were practicing for a ceremony along with the other services. We all kind of died a little because they all heard him and we became the joke.

Response by SGT David Honeycutt made May 31 at 2019 4:56 AM

2019-05-31T04:56:06-04:00

Last night, I saw an astronomical phenomenon. I saw 4 full moons and an ECLIPSE and I better not ever see that again. Several lower enlisted snuck into an higher NCO zone declared off limits by 1SG night before in Euijongbu, S.korea. 5 soldiers, drunk off their asses, jumped on the pool table and mooned the whole crowd as a not to subtle protest to the ban. It was a popular spot, No charges were filed and the upper Nco's found a better spot to party. There was a stern warning as to further protest but point was made on both sides and NO, I was not one of them tho I saw it happen.. LMAO.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 31 at 2019 12:31 PM

2019-05-31T12:31:32-04:00

"I will not repeat myself...I say again...I will not repeat myself!" 40th EN early 90s.

Response by CPL Ashley Vandemark made Jun 1 at 2019 9:36 AM

2019-06-01T09:36:44-04:00

"That's as wrong as two boys fucking!" And when he was doing weekend safety brief, he was trying to say we could catch "chlamydia" and said "clittorus" instead. It was great

Response by Capt Stephen Anderson made Jun 1 at 2019 9:09 PM

2019-06-01T21:09:50-04:00

Who has a license. Few hands go up. PFC Anderson grab a mower you have a license to cut the lawn. Rodger that first sergeant.

Response by Capt Stephen Anderson made Jun 1 at 2019 9:16 PM

2019-06-01T21:16:52-04:00

1SGT Robert Carr addressing NCO Cadre Ft Carson CO. 1979. Gentlemen there are two types of soldiers who wear earrings. Pirates and queers if you are not wearing a sword on your belt you are not a pirate.

Response by PFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 3 at 2019 5:55 PM

2019-06-03T17:55:50-04:00

"NOW I don't know what a Pokeman GO is.....but yall cant GO there no more on base ya here?" (After pokemon go was banned on campbell lol)

Response by SGT Michael Mrdalj made Jun 4 at 2019 9:23 AM

2019-06-04T09:23:47-04:00

He called our Company Commander "You Shrek looking shit-bag!" Top was pissed!!! 1/16INF 3BCT 1ID out of Fort Riley. 2010 went to NTC for training and our CO forgot to include WATER on the ConOp. He was relieved of his duties after Top tore his ass up!

Response by SPC Joel Alioto made Jun 6 at 2019 12:18 AM

2019-06-06T00:18:15-04:00

Some idiot was walking off post with a sword cane aka his pimp cane. And he used it on two other soldiers from another unit to end a beat down. We have a formation at 05:00 am Top comes out and says " Charlie company. Last night in downtown Baumholder we had the Goddamn highlander out there with a sword cutting people. Well there can ONLY BE ONE! And I am that Mother fucker! So as of right fucking now! All knives swords, scissors, nail clipper etc. will be stored in the arms room and it will be hand receded out to you if you need them and then it will be turned back in after use.
Don't try me Charlie company because if you are found with a knife of any type you will be court marshalled for disobeying a direct and lawful order from the Company commander". I got my stuff back a year later when I ets. to America.

Response by 1LT Richard Giandana made Jun 6 at 2019 12:04 PM

2019-06-06T12:04:27-04:00

Talking to us in boot camp, most of whom he knew were college grads...

"You mens have well educations and are easy to learn."

Response by LTC Robin Gronovius made Jun 6 at 2019 12:27 PM

2019-06-06T12:27:26-04:00

The infamous day in the motor pool when the first sergeant had every swinging Richard drop trou to check to see if they were all wearing brown Army issue underwear. Yes, I wore the brown Army boxers for decades.

Response by SSG Benjamin Burns made Jun 7 at 2019 12:03 AM

2019-06-07T00:03:10-04:00

Well it wasn't the 1SGT... however we were teaming up to play some football for PT. Someone asked our CMS was he going to play? His response 'you guys can play football... I'll play Sergeant Major'!!

Response by Sgt Tee Organ made Jun 11 at 2019 10:18 AM

2019-06-11T10:18:04-04:00

Just finished Initial Drill with the Platoon and was awaiting my score. 1stSgt took it upon himself to berate me in front of the whole company, told me my drill wasn't intense enough and it was sloppy, and my uniform was crap. We stood there in the middle of the grinder, I was at attention, mind you I'm holding a sword... And he made this damn spectacle purposely to make some kind of point. Needless to say I was pissed off, but kept my composure. This was in front of the whole company plus all the company's recruits. I hustled off the grinder after that display and went to take care of other business, but made it back in time to see the look of complete embarrassment on the 1stSgt's face, right behind him was my platoon heading back to the barracks, with the series guidon, indicating clearly that our drill was viewed as the best in the company.

Drill master said my drill wasn't intense, but for all the ones that were, mine was meticulously precise and correct in every sense. My recruits were aligned and covered throughout every movement and when we were stationary all our distances were spot on. The idea was that for initial drill, that's what you need to see, the intensity comes later (final drill). So needless to say 1stSgt got up there and made himself look like the company fool acting like that.

Response by SGT Frank Pritchett made Jun 11 at 2019 1:24 PM

2019-06-11T13:24:57-04:00

In 1975, My 1st SG said that smoking through a brass fitting will make you impertinent. It got a really good laugh.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 15 at 2019 2:13 AM

2019-06-15T02:13:20-04:00

Recieve the Report

Response by SSG Byron Howard Sr made Jun 19 at 2019 10:55 PM

2019-06-19T22:55:58-04:00

My squad was in a class and top stopped by had a Styrofoam coffee cup in one hand and a cigar in the other. We watched him pit the cigar out on the side of his cup. It went though the cup right into his palm.

Response by 1SG James Kelly made Jun 28 at 2019 8:47 PM

2019-06-28T20:47:27-04:00

I'd tell you, but hen I'd have to kill you.
I was the 1SG.
:O

Response by MSgt Steve Sweeney made Jul 9 at 2019 7:50 AM

2019-07-09T07:50:11-04:00

While in linguist school waiting orders to my next school (I didn't hablo Korean so well), they used the Marines in the "casual platoon" for odd jobs and maintenance around the barracks and grounds. One day, me and a buddy of mine were hard at work clearing out some back storage area when the detachment Gunnery Sergeant (sort of like a 1stSgt, but less refined) walks in when this exchange happened:

- GySgt: "Sweeney! Aren't you detailed to water the grass? I want it looking like a golf course for the upcoming inspection."
- LCpl Me: "Gunny, its raining ... ?"
- GySgt: "You were issued a poncho, weren't you?"
- LCpl Me: "Yes Gunnery Sergeant"
- GySgt: "Well? ..."

I received a number of strange looks as I stood outside watering the grass in my poncho... in the rain.

Response by MAJ Charles F. W. Maurer made Jul 9 at 2019 8:41 AM

2019-07-09T08:41:47-04:00

I had a basic training company. One recruit was very slow. The cycle was over and we had paper work done to have him discharged from the service. But came graduation he was moved on and, seriously, went into the MP's. Had a week break and were getting ready to pick up a new "company," the roster came and there was the same last name, same home town on a new recruit. My comment was what are the odds? And when we went to pick up the troops, there was this man's "twin." Asked him why he was here with all the problems his brother had and he told us about how he needed the money. I had never seen before or ever again, the 1st Sgt, wacked the side of his helmet and said, "How many times do I have to tell you to get your hands out of your pocket when you talk to the Company Commander?"

Response by SGT Patrick Adamek made Jul 9 at 2019 10:24 PM

2019-07-09T22:24:33-04:00

We were told once in formation that we were having too many deaths in our families and it needed to stop.

Response by LTC Clayton Hill made Jul 10 at 2019 2:29 PM

2019-07-10T14:29:24-04:00

Not my 1SGT, but the NCO at Fort Wood range at ROTC tng was demonstrating how not to be afraid of kick-back of rifle (can't remember if it was M-14 or M-16), but he held butt against his chin and said "hold tight and kick-back won't hurt. He squeezed a round and evidently didn't hold it firm enough. Result a bloody mouth and our laughter.

Response by SSgt Eduardo Espinoza made Jul 10 at 2019 6:44 PM

2019-07-10T18:44:00-04:00

Chewing my ass out in his office while there was younger Marines outside of his office.

Response by LCpl Steve Zupan made Jul 10 at 2019 9:32 PM

2019-07-10T21:32:31-04:00

"You can wear what you want, but no "kiss me, f*ck shorts!"...

Response by SGT Lashaun Berry made Jul 11 at 2019 12:19 AM

2019-07-11T00:19:52-04:00

Oh my 1SGT said “Talking like you shit in your pocket”
I never knew what that meant

Response by LCpl Jason Keiser made Jul 11 at 2019 4:24 AM

2019-07-11T04:24:33-04:00

To the straights, dont come back with hickeys from the vampire lady, to the queers, dont come back with hickies from dracula and if your still a virgin by now, the i have nothing to worry about. i almost pissed myself laughing when someone said what about the transexuals. i loved it.

Response by 1LT David Webster made Jul 11 at 2019 4:28 PM

2019-07-11T16:28:39-04:00

Put your right hand on your left ear and your left hand on your right ear and pull your head out of your ass.

Response by 1LT David Webster made Jul 11 at 2019 4:33 PM

2019-07-11T16:33:58-04:00

Over heard on base defense radio: lp1 como check, lp1 como check, no response, then a grenade exploded, lp1 came over with incoming etc, Sgt responded if you sleep again the next grenade will hit you.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 11 at 2019 6:32 PM

2019-07-11T18:32:10-04:00

Not mine, but....

"Anyone got something better to do than marching, up and down the square?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLJ8ILIE780

Monty Python ~ Marching up and down the square (Michael Palin)

From the meaning of life

Response by SGT Cory Blissitte made Jul 11 at 2019 9:34 PM

2019-07-11T21:34:57-04:00

"I just want these weapons Day 0 clean."

Proceed to 12 hours of post-exercise weapon cleaning after having been awake for more than 72 hours.

Response by CPO Bernie Penkin made Jul 12 at 2019 1:03 PM

2019-07-12T13:03:38-04:00

Didn’t have a 1SGT, but I watched a young E3 in a discussion with an E7 who was full of himself catch the E7 in a rather dumb comment in front of the whole crew. The E7’s reply was well I guess I am a dumb ass E7 to which the E3 replied you said it, I didn’t.

Response by Lt Col Russell Carlisle made Jul 12 at 2019 5:06 PM

2019-07-12T17:06:56-04:00

Reading some of these make me glad I joined the Air Force.

Response by SFC Luis Serrano made Jul 13 at 2019 9:36 AM

2019-07-13T09:36:51-04:00

"If you keep fucking-up, I'm going to grease you up and slide you right out of the Army"

Response by Sgt Charles Welling made Jul 14 at 2019 8:03 PM

2019-07-14T20:03:39-04:00

#1 "Am I going to see you in my office again?" "No, 1st Sgt!" "Then get out of my sight!" #2, "Come in here, Marine, what's your name?" "LCpl Welling, 1st Sgt." "You will report tomorrow to the Mess SNCIOC for mess duty!" (Angrily) "I am checking in, 1st Sgt.!!!!@#$ "NOT ANY DAMNED MORE!" Ridiculous? Only things a 1st Shirt ever said to me!

Response by CW4 Craig Urban made Jul 14 at 2019 9:58 PM

2019-07-14T21:58:19-04:00

My first SGT, when he asked for a bowling team in 1966 to go to Giessen and bowl in an XMAS tourney. 3 sgt's rose there hands. He said I need one more. I rose my hand. He said you Fxxxx dirtbag you can't bowl. I averaged 180 when I was 13. He lived in the barracks. He was divorced. He says every time you get a strike I buy a beer. Well, I get a ball off the rack house shoes. the other 3 had their own. 202,210,198,187 and buy the 6th game I am so drunk I shoot a 140. We won by 2000 pins. the sgt's bowled above there heads too. They were 160/170 bowlers. He never called me a dirtbag again. I would go into his office and say TOP can I have a pass. He gives me 20 bucks 4 passes for me and my buddies and says have fun.

Response by MAJ Ron Peery made Jul 15 at 2019 5:53 AM

2019-07-15T05:53:51-04:00

At Ft Benning, in 1981, a friend and I were leaving the DFAC and headed back to the barracks. Though we had been told not to walk on the grass, we cut the corner. 1SG, with his eagle eyes, saw this from three blocks away, hopped in his car, and drove across three lawns to catch us red handed and chew us out for walking.....walking, on his grass. He than dropped us for 50....on the sidewalk.

Response by SPC Heath Hansen made Jul 15 at 2019 9:53 AM

2019-07-15T09:53:46-04:00

“Listen up, men. I know we just got home from a year long deployment in Afghanistan, and every single one of you, every single night, is trying to get your dick wet. But if you’re gonna fuck a whore on Bragg Boulevard, wear a fucken condom. You don’t want to end up like Malone over here, with the dick-drip and pissing fire.”

Awww, the good ‘ol 82nd Airborne.

Response by SSG Brian MacBain made Jul 15 at 2019 8:56 PM

2019-07-15T20:56:50-04:00

Well, this was said by the Senior Drill Instructor when I was in AIT back in 1986. We were in our nightly accountability formation where the senior Drill Instructor yelled out " OK LISTEN UP EVERYONE, I HAVE THREE COX'S HERE" The whole company and other DS's could not hold it in and laugh so hard. The senior DS knew what happen after he said it and have to spell it out.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 16 at 2019 4:24 AM

2019-07-16T04:24:02-04:00

I had this 1sg when I was stationed in Straussberg-Kassern, Germany that sounded like Kermit The Frog on Ebonics...… As if this guys voice wasn't funny enough, he would say the craziest things all the time. He caught on to the fact a bunch of troops were mocking him. One day during a battery formation he said, " The next mutha fucker I catch mocking me, I'm going to eat his asshole!" My thought was, that's way to much for a first date....

Response by SFC Roger Herron made Jul 16 at 2019 1:22 PM

2019-07-16T13:22:46-04:00

When he did roll call at first formation, he slipped and called Pvt. Richard Skinner by his nick name.

Response by SMSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 16 at 2019 9:58 PM

2019-07-16T21:58:46-04:00

My first sergeant(Vietnam vet) once told a a visiting general his people were slicker than seven kinds of snot.....BTW it was true....

Response by SSG Randy Talbot made Jul 16 at 2019 10:10 PM

2019-07-16T22:10:32-04:00

1. We had a 1SG in AIT that was usually hung over or still drunk in the morning and at formations following barracks inspection would complain, "I'm not your mother, your father, your sister, your brother or the good witch" he would then do an about face.... and the SF guys would rush to grab him before he fell over.

2. In Germany, there was a 1SG with the personnel services company that brought out a plunger to formation and described how to unplug a toilet in graphic detail. Another time, He also gave a lecture on how to have sex on the dayroom pool table and not leave spots and hair on his green felt pool table top. His company was both male and female.

Response by SSG Randy Talbot made Jul 16 at 2019 10:29 PM

2019-07-16T22:29:39-04:00

I SG comments for conduct and efficiency reports:
The best part of this soldier ran down his mothers leg and it wasn't from his father.
This soldier is the product of a gyp bag
This soldier is a recent graduate of the drug and alcohol program for alcohol and has been doing post graduate work in heroin.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 18 at 2019 8:19 AM

2019-07-18T08:19:15-04:00

Had a 1sgt tell the entire company that if you aren't a Christian then you cannot serve honorably in the military. And that if you aren't a Christian and you choose to stay in the United States then you're a hypocrite because this is a Christian nation.

Response by PFC Pamala (Hall) Foster made Jul 20 at 2019 3:19 PM

2019-07-20T15:19:20-04:00

Can't remember things 1SG said, but my LT had a few zingers and so did my CSM and the one I loved was-IF YOU HAVE A PONYTAIL OFF DUTY FALLOUT. 2 guys and I left formation. Boot LT told me (THE ONLY GIRL) return to the formation and the 1st LT and XO called me MISS WEST VIRGINIA as I took my bun down to show a ponytail. Boy, I enjoyed the escort on the ARM of a LT and I was a PFC. CSM was laughing as the CO and 1 Star walked in the quad.

Response by CPT Robert Boshears made Jul 21 at 2019 12:04 PM

2019-07-21T12:04:21-04:00

Quit that fucking cussing!

Response by Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 21 at 2019 5:52 PM

2019-07-21T17:52:35-04:00

TOO Funny ! Shared to FB !!!

Response by SGT Debra Jahnel made Jul 22 at 2019 12:37 PM

2019-07-22T12:37:12-04:00

I swear to God, I bet we all heard it at some point! It came in my platoon to the young woman in the bunk next to mine (we were in "open bay" barracks & she was always a step behind - turned out she was illiterate so couldn't study her pocket notebook). And she was headed to a reservist nuclear unit of some sort!

Response by PFC Jim VanDemark made Jul 24 at 2019 6:35 PM

2019-07-24T18:35:38-04:00

Mirored sunglasses, by popular demand, are now the uniform of the day.

Response by Jerry Rivas made Jul 31 at 2019 9:43 AM

2019-07-31T09:43:56-04:00

Do I look like a fucking idiot to you?

Response by SFC Michael Barnes made Aug 22 at 2019 11:52 AM

2019-08-22T11:52:40-04:00

"It has been a hell of a week guys. I am proud of all of you. On this weekend, don't drink and drive, frankly if you want to get dizzy and fall down, I recommend spinning in a circle. A lot less expensive and it will keep you out of trouble. As for myself, I am going to get some rope, a goat and some greasy chicken skins and F@$*K into a comma".

Response by SSG Jayne Reed made Aug 22 at 2019 11:39 PM

2019-08-22T23:39:29-04:00

"Okay, soldiers and soldierettes..."
Actionably offensive, and I told him so, but also ridiculous.

Response by MAJ Nathan Rettig made Aug 23 at 2019 9:20 AM

2019-08-23T09:20:28-04:00

Shouting at a company of Special Forces Soldiers during the first formation after a long deployment: “If you’re going to act stupid, I’ll treat you like one!”

Response by SGT Steven Dillman made Aug 23 at 2019 11:21 PM

2019-08-23T23:21:25-04:00

Two things.

When I lived in the barracks I would fill out a maintenance request (work-order) card for about 5 months in a row about having a bug zapper and a screen door ordered for my barracks room. 1sg called me out infront of company formation had me do p/u and explain to me I did not live in a trailer park.

Another time I installed duel whip antennas on my military semi truck and again I was called out infront of formation to do p/u again and be told the semi truck is a tactical vehicle not a redneck vehicle.

True stories.

Response by PO3 Scot Fahey made Aug 24 at 2019 1:13 PM

2019-08-24T13:13:55-04:00

In the early days of Joint Service school commands (Ft Gorden) the student sailors were instructed to check out gear and join 04:00 Saturday pack march. Navy Command Master Chief (E-9) rescued the Sailors as he read the rules LOUDLY

Response by PV2 Eddy Paulino made Aug 25 at 2019 9:36 PM

2019-08-25T21:36:41-04:00

Every breath you take is an endorsement for abortion high speed please stop looking at me

Response by CPT Don Kemp made Aug 25 at 2019 9:49 PM

2019-08-25T21:49:47-04:00

I had an E6 Squad Leader in the track behind me on a 5 hour night road march in the snow (Limburg an der Lahn to Mainz). Try as I might, I could never see him standing in the cargo hatch as I was. We were under active movement orders, hatches open, alert. As we pulled in the rear gate to Lee Barracks, low & behold, the cargo hatch flips open and said SSG stand up rubbing eyes.It is now 0300 and we are unloading equipment to secure the AO before we release the Battalion.
We account for every piece of equipment ... except the Dragon Tracker from the E-6’s Track. No problem, find the NCO....except he was gone. No problem, go the key box, get the key and retrieve the tracker ..... except there was one key missing.
I drove to the SSG Quarters in my dirty, muddy, wet field uniform only to find him freshly showered and in his PJ’s. I ripped him a new one, he got the keys e had taken off post, and we returned to the barracks to secure the Tracker. I took it to the !SG for disciplinary action - the !SG said he would handle.
The next day I transferred to the AT Platoon and the SSG transferred to Brigade operations. I’m guessing the !SG did nothing to back up his promise to handle.

Response by SFC Jonathan Adams made Aug 25 at 2019 9:52 PM

2019-08-25T21:52:42-04:00

1985, in Korea, We were on an BN ARTEP, it was the final day and it was pouring rain like it does in monsoon season in the ROK. Our company had a blocking position at a road intersection when the Battalion commander decided to send us to the top of hill 933 asap. So we pulled off and humped up this freaking hill and just as we were pulling our perimeter around the top of this hill the order came to go back into our blocking position 932 meters below us. We got the frag order, we threw all our ship back on and started humping back down this nearly vertical 932 meter hill, halfway down the word comes back for alpha company to go back to the top of hill 932 and pull a perimeter. We turn around and start humping back up the hill, about that time here came the battalion Commander and his Entourage of Dick dusters. The BC yells over to the first sergeant and says"1SG, we're going to endex as soon as you figure out what to do with your company". 1SG came unglued and said "Sir I hope your dick falls off, your legs grow together, your breath stinks, and you don't love Jesus".

Response by SGT Patrick Leary made Aug 25 at 2019 10:52 PM

2019-08-25T22:52:44-04:00

At 5 AM the 1Sgt burst into the company barracks and with a booming voice shouted "Drop your cocks and grab your socks, we're moving out to Nam!" Sgt Pj

Response by SGT Scott Henderson made Aug 26 at 2019 9:25 AM

2019-08-26T09:25:47-04:00

In Iraq in 2004 during the rainy season my 1SG told us to put rocks around the tents to "soak up this water". I'll never forget how hard it was to not laugh.

Response by Allison Huxtable made Aug 26 at 2019 4:00 PM

2019-08-26T16:00:56-04:00

I could listen to these all day. Very , very funny stuff.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 26 at 2019 5:08 PM

2019-08-26T17:08:27-04:00

standing in formation at HHC 1-35 AR barracks, in -10 Degrees (Baumholder Germany), freezing my ass off. The 1st Sgt. yelling in thick Mexican accent YOU GOTTA DRINK H2O2! - Me at that moment being confused and thinking to myself why does the 1st Sgt. telling us to drink Hydrogen Peroxide.

Response by SGT Wayne Coulter made Aug 26 at 2019 11:56 PM

2019-08-26T23:56:42-04:00

After a deployment to Panama, we returned to duty after block leave. The 1sg waited till the CO and Platoon leaders left the formation before calling the company in to a circle around him. He unbuckles his trousers and drops them to his knees to expose an angry, red, oozing rash (Jungle rot) extending from under his skivvies almost to his knees on both legs and asks... "Does anyone else have this?" Nearly 2/3rds of the company raised their hands.

Response by PV2 Ash Poppy made Aug 27 at 2019 11:07 AM

2019-08-27T11:07:22-04:00

NO I will not say "Gucci" unless I am referring to the brand

Response by MSG Keith ODonnell made Aug 28 at 2019 3:05 PM

2019-08-28T15:05:36-04:00

I want the moron who drives the F&S*ing pickup and his numb nut's buddies that filled the bed full of beer cans this weekend in my officer, NOW! That was the first time I ever saw a purple Top. We were actually easy to identify after PT and no he didn't buy the excuse we were collecting cans to save the environment by recycling. I survived the 80s LOL

Response by SrA Brett Stratton made Sep 2 at 2019 10:05 AM

2019-09-02T10:05:42-04:00

It's not over the top (or even funny) like you guys here, but mine is a fairly well-heard saying. "If you wanted a family, the military would have issued you one." I hate this because of ridiculously stupid it is. It implies that a family is just extra baggage and completely unnecessary. Well, in the case of my last 1SGT, it really was. The best part? He was single himself his whole life. Wonder why...? I've single forever too, but even I see that for some people family is what makes them stronger and even motivates them to do their job. Don't be an asshole just because you married the wrong person or can't get with anyone.

Response by MSgt Joseph Holness made Sep 6 at 2019 6:31 PM

2019-09-06T18:31:18-04:00

During my Army Years prior to the USAF, there was a company that I was with that everytime the 1SGT opened his mouth something ridiculous came out (LOL)

Response by Cpl Aaron Heins made Sep 19 at 2019 10:52 AM

2019-09-19T10:52:09-04:00

Hahahahaha

Response by SGM Thomas Terebesi Sr made Oct 13 at 2019 6:39 PM

2019-10-13T18:39:38-04:00

I was new and could not drive a clutch. 1sg was short on drivers. Told me to get behind the wheel. As I went out the gate in a 2 1/2 ton grinding gears in front of the company said "I'll take a pound of that".

Response by SSG Jeffrey Monk made Oct 15 at 2019 6:06 PM

2019-10-15T18:06:03-04:00

Safety brief while at Ft Drum. "If you can't get your girlfriend across the Canadian border then she does not belong in the States. Do not, I repeat do not try to swim with her across the Saint Lawrence you are not Marines.

Response by LCDR Mike Morrissey made Nov 17 at 2019 10:10 PM

2019-11-17T22:10:40-05:00

Actually this is a joke with a setting at a USMC boot camp from years ago...of course it’s not Navy because we don’t have Gunnys at boot camp....they get their turn with us NROTC Middies for 4 yrs and a Summer with the Marines at Corpus and Pendleton.
Anyway. Gunny Davis was noticed by the Capt as being one who seemed to not show any empathy for tough news being delivered to his charges. After a quick counseling session, he went out and performed the rest of the day’s requirements.
Later that night, bad news for Pvt Richards was conveyed to the Gunny and he ruminated about the best way to break the news given the Capt.’s suggestion.
At the end of morning muster in ranks, Gunny called out “all you slime balls with mothers take one step back.....not so fast Richards”....and so it goes.

Response by SP5 Derick Johnsohne made Nov 18 at 2019 1:12 AM

2019-11-18T01:12:35-05:00

the usual queer and steer stupidity

Response by SGT Greg Gold made Nov 18 at 2019 9:26 PM

2019-11-18T21:26:46-05:00

I had a 1SGT get the entire working shift of MP's in formation and proceed to berate us for being sloppy and out of uniform. He did this while wearing an unzipped field jacket, no headgear, and his hands in his pockets. This was the USAR unit I mobilized with for Gulf War 1. Since a unit is a direct reflection of it's top kick, they were a soup sandwich.

Response by PFC Donald Gayheart made Mar 30 at 2022 6:19 PM

2022-03-30T18:19:34-04:00

Who Cut your hair, never mind that who sewed your fatigues, you better shine your boots, get out of my formation until you meet the muster mister

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 17 at 2024 9:08 PM

2024-01-17T21:08:01-05:00

“I don’t care”, to me is the worst off the cuff comment I have heard far too often in my 28yrs. It is GENUINELY the job of the 1SG, to care for, protect, coach, mentor, train and guide the next generation of soldiers. IMHO