What is the oddest, dumbest, or stupidest thing you heard an officer or senior enlisted say?

SGT Robert K. — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 10:11:54 -0400

Response by SGT Robert K. made Sep 29 at 2016 10:12 AM

SGT Robert K. — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 10:12:46 -0400

I had a 1SG tell me he didn't care what the regulation said - he wanted it done his way!

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2016 10:23 AM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 10:23:08 -0400

Hi, Sergeant Kromminga.

At a formal retirement party for a Major General in 1999, I heard a Chief Master Sergeant tell the incoming General that he didn't have to take his orders, since he had two stars, also, and pointed to the star embedded in his chevrons on each sleeve.

Yes, there was booze involved. No, the Chief never heard the end of it.

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Sep 29 at 2016 11:05 AM

CAPT Kevin B. — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 11:05:25 -0400

The one that sticks in my mind which caused a lot of grief for the Ops watch standers was this MC Major who insisted the squelch circuit used more power than the speakers so had every net in the tent hissing to save battery power. Didn't matter that the batteries tanked after 6 hours vs. 12. He didn't want to hear about it. One of the downers I had to put up with on Tinian. It came around to bite him as I was an exercise evaluator, hence noted the efficiency drop due to excessive noise in the Ops tent.

Response by MCPO Roger Collins made Sep 29 at 2016 11:16 AM

MCPO Roger Collins — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 11:16:28 -0400

Liberty will be secured until morale improves?

Response by SGT Robert K. made Sep 29 at 2016 11:17 AM

SGT Robert K. — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 11:17:14 -0400

I also had the pleasure of attending the promotion of an SFC to 1SG, which was questionable to start with since he was non-MOS qualified for the 1SG position. But the oddest comment was from the CSM who was doing the promotion he stated that this soldier was not being promoted on what he can do but on what he might be able to do. Well if that's the case why not promote everybody because everybody might be able to do the job.

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Sep 29 at 2016 11:17 AM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 11:17:29 -0400

During a required Command Climate Survey pre-brief (the senior leadership received the briefing before it was presented in a commander's call), a Lieutenant General remarked, "I didn't become a general to empower anybody." He was sort of old school.

Response by PO3 Sandra Gomke made Sep 29 at 2016 12:12 PM

PO3 Sandra Gomke — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 12:12:30 -0400

From a Warrant Officer: "You're female. You make the sanitary napkin holders for the tugboats."

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2016 12:26 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 12:26:20 -0400

Was at a Exercise Command Conference, and someone had asked about water buffalos. The GO in charge of the exercise said that NO ONE will drink from a buffalo until the Vets certify the buffalo.

Response by SPC Jesse O made Sep 29 at 2016 2:41 PM

SPC Jesse O — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 14:41:54 -0400

Our platoon leader in Iraq 09-10 took the platoon to the DFAC for the first dinner in Iraq and she heard 50cal fire in the distance. She turned to us and said "hear that? that is the sound of people dyeing, there are no ranges in Iraq." The next day we went to a 50cal range.

Response by CSM Richard StCyr made Sep 29 at 2016 2:51 PM

CSM Richard StCyr — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 14:51:19 -0400

It wasn't really dumb or stupid but I was laughing my butt off because never in my life would I expect the BC in wartime in the middle of Iraq to quote a Christmas special during a butt chewing to commanders/ 1SGs about the hand painting of battle boards on vehicles. We had stencils but a couple Cos decided to let the guys scrawl numbers on the trucks. Hench the "Motor pool of fricken misfit engineers" was born.

Response by SGT Rik Thibodeau made Sep 29 at 2016 3:12 PM

SGT Rik Thibodeau — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 15:12:17 -0400

I was in Kosovo with my first unit and was walking with a toolbox in my right hand when I turned the corner and a Major walked by me. I said good morning Sir but didn't salute since I had a toolbox in my right hand and he dressed me down because of it and when I told him I couldn't salute because I was holding a toolbox, he actually told me that if I was holding something in my right hand, I was supposed to salute him with my left hand.

Response by SGT Patrick Reno made Sep 29 at 2016 3:57 PM

SGT Patrick Reno — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 15:57:55 -0400

Had a brand new 2LT. tell me ( That has to be a short cut all those little lines on the map are right next to each other)

Response by SN Greg Wright made Sep 29 at 2016 3:57 PM

SN Greg Wright — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 15:57:53 -0400

I've told this story here before, but here goes: I was in the SCIF and a Naval Captain had occasion to call (and read the riot act to) someone that was an Army Major. The Captain was about 8 feet away from my station or so. The Major came unglued and started screaming and yelling at the Captain. I couldn't hear the words, but the loudness and curses were pretty clear. The Captain took the phone from his ear, looked at it, looked over at me and winked, put the phone back to his ear and waited until the Major wound down, and then said, calmly, "This is Naval Captain xxxx". Abrupt silence from the other side of the phone, that lasted for about 10 seconds while the Captain let that soak in, and then he proceeded to rip the Major a new one. It was quite entertaining for a young guy. Afterwords, he told us that the Major had taken exception to a 'mere' Captain talking to him like that. My guess is he never took another call in his life from a Captain of any service without being somewhat wary.

Response by Sgt Wayne Wood made Sep 29 at 2016 3:59 PM

Sgt Wayne Wood — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 15:59:52 -0400

Coming back through the wire & being challenged by the Marine on watch, one of my team-members who shall remain nameless replied, "Communist infiltrators". You could not only hear a pin drop, but also the safeties coming off... Then the muffled laughter. Ahhh, good times!

Response by MSgt Steven Holt, NRP, CCEMT-P made Sep 29 at 2016 7:09 PM

MSgt Steven Holt, NRP, CCEMT-P — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 19:09:04 -0400

Had a AF 2-star swoop into the DFAC (mess hall, chow hall, whatever your branch calls them now) in Iraq shoving aside a unit of Soldiers who had just come back inside the wire from a 48-hr run into Bad Guy land. As the General passed by he mumbled something about he was "so much more important than a bunch of dirty Army guys and they could wait until he was finished." I was never so embarrassed to be AF in my whole career.

Response by SFC George Smith made Sep 29 at 2016 8:13 PM

SFC George Smith — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 20:13:44 -0400

"Polish the "463 L pallet" and Mount the Sat Com Antenna to it, so to act as a reflector... "

Response by Cpl Mark Lee made Sep 30 at 2016 10:57 AM

Cpl Mark Lee — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 10:57:00 -0400

Gunny calling our roll call. Drayton. Drayton! Drayton!! GD where are you Drayton? (Lowers voice) oh damn, thats me.

Response by MSgt Richard Rountree made Sep 30 at 2016 12:22 PM

MSgt Richard Rountree — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 12:22:44 -0400

Back in the mid-1980s, we had a female Lt who managed to lock her keys in her car at a kaserne in Stuttgart GE. She was frantic as she had to get to a meeting, so she grabbed a nearby SSgt and asked for help unlocking her car. She said, "SSgt ____, please get my keys out of my car. I can't be late for my meeting. I don't care how you do it!" The SSgt walked over to his toolbox and grabbed a hammer. He went straight to her car and smashed the driver's side window. He reached in, extracted the keys and handed them to her. The Lt went nuts on him. She tried to have him brought up on charges; however, there were many witnesses, including me, that heard her say "I don't care how you do it." He walked.

Response by MSG Dan Castaneda made Sep 30 at 2016 12:28 PM

MSG Dan Castaneda — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 12:28:29 -0400

I had a 1SG tell me that by me going SF, I was wasting my career, and that he would rather see me getting out of the military. My worst day in SF is better than my best day in Division.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 30 at 2016 4:40 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 16:40:49 -0400

Once saw a Commander In Chief give a speech about the state of the Iraq War under a "Mission Accomplished" banner.

Response by SPC Erich Guenther made Sep 30 at 2016 6:35 PM

SPC Erich Guenther — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 18:35:27 -0400

Ohhh I'll never forget this one as long as I live from Infantry OSUT during the hands on testing......

Drill SGT to Private: "So is there anything that looks unusual to you about the placement of the claymore mine?"

Private: <pauses for a while> "It looks OK to me Drill Sergeant" <snickers from other Soldiers watching>.

Drill SGT to Private: "Whats going to happen when that mine detonates?"

Private: "It should spray the enemy with thousands of fragments of shrapnel (we were told BB's)"

Drill SGT to Private: "OK, I still think your missing it, what logic did you use to determine which was the front of the mine?"

Private: "The Army always prints the instructions on the back of everything".

You have to admit that even though he setup the mine pointing towards himself, his logic wasn't 100% flawed........although he should know the difference between convex and concave shape and effectiveness of a shrapnel spray.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 30 at 2016 6:49 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 18:49:56 -0400

I was asking for people to sign up to play softball for our unit. I was having trouble to play. SO I added names like Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron, Bob Gibson, etc. Our commader ( Major) said he never heard of those hall of famers. The observer was trying to laugh.. lol awesome stuff right there. LTC Stephen F. SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL MSG Tom Earley SGT Damaso V Santana COL Jean (John) F. B.

Response by SGM Harvey Boone made Sep 30 at 2016 8:48 PM

SGM Harvey Boone — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 20:48:46 -0400

Your not flying on my plane you are not in uniform or have proper Identification After a unit was blown all to hell. It didn't take him long to eat his words and fly them out pronto.

Response by SPC James Anderson made Sep 30 at 2016 8:51 PM

SPC James Anderson — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 20:51:49 -0400

Had an argument with a SFC from an armored division about Soviet tanks. He had just read an article about Soviet river crossing tactics and couldn't for the life of him figure out how the tanks floated. I informed him that they did not float that they drove the tanks across the bottom of the river. He not only didnt believe me he thought I was stupid and started going around telling other NCO's about me, until one informed him they do indeed drive on the bottom.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 30 at 2016 8:58 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 20:58:42 -0400

"If the military wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one." - Shitty Leader

Response by SSG Warren Swan made Sep 30 at 2016 9:40 PM

SSG Warren Swan — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 21:40:57 -0400

SNCO: Alright we're going to conduct the Commanders sensing session. What you say will be used to improve the unit, and get a pulse on the morale.
A now former SSG: How can we be open when 1SG has already given a "brief" of what NOT to say or ask any questions?
SNCO: Beuler......Beuler......Beuler.......
Needless to say nothing was really said for the next hour.

Response by SSG Mark Franzen made Sep 30 at 2016 9:52 PM

SSG Mark Franzen — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 21:52:30 -0400

One of My Troops Came to me and asked If had some paint and asked what type and you are using for the airstrip He said the PLT SGT wanted me to Find a Can Of Air strip.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 30 at 2016 11:42 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 23:42:29 -0400

I was one of five driver training instructors for my Bn at Ft Lewis back in 06. The Bn Co had decided that for drivers training he wanted new drivers to be trained as if they were driving the Stryker Combat Vehicle like we were in Iraq. All us instructors got together went to range control and set up to use one of the post drop zones for training. We were warned to stay well away from the MOUT site as there was an MP unit training there. Other than that we had no restrictions. Well we went out set up a training course then showed the new drivers how to navigate the course safely at high speeds. Well we had just finished a couple high speed runs when a HMMWV came tearing across the DZ from the MOUT site. The senior instructor and myself walked over to the vehicle and out pops a MP major and CSM. Well the major proceeds to tear us a new one. During this time another vehicle pulls up and out pops our BC just in time to hear this major ask " What hare brained imbecile gave you men permission to go tear a$$ing across a DZ with troops within sight. Well the LTC didn't like that one. Calmly and quietly he pointedly dismissed us to continue our training and proceeded to inform the major just whose idea our training directives were. To this day I don't know exactly what was said but we didn't have a problem with those mp for the rest of the time we were there.

Response by TSgt Jim Gregg made Oct 1 at 2016 12:11 AM

TSgt Jim Gregg — Sat, 01 Oct 2016 00:11:24 -0400

Had a 2nd Lt. try to tell me about an OV-10 engine problem, I of course asked him how long he had been on the airframe, he said three months. I informed I had 5 years on the airframe. He gave me a nasty look and walked away.

Response by MCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 1 at 2016 12:13 AM

MCPO Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 01 Oct 2016 00:13:08 -0400

I heard the Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force addressing the USAF Senior NCO Academy - with about 20 foreign students. A question was raised about new uniforms coming out (this was in 2008 or so), and CMSAF McKinley tells the crowd about them, asks one of the Japanese SNCOs to stand up, and says, "And don't worry. They're not going to be stupid looking like these uniforms..."

You could have heard a pin drop. What a surprise - Japan withdrew sending their SNCOs to the school after that class...
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Then at Guard Post Ouellette on the DMZ in Korea. There was a Lite-Colonel that was a real ball-buster and DEMANDED proper military customs and courtesies, even while on patrol or on the DMZ. The NCOIC of Ouellette greeted everyone and tried to explain that you don't salute in a war-zone (this was in 1987), but the LTC wasn't having any of it. They went to the main observation "tower" and the NCOIC went through the spiel of how many meters it was away from the North Korean tower, and that the NK soldier on duty right now was a renowned sniper (all bull-crap... but I digress). Then the NCOIC motions for me...

I approach and the LTC catches my eye and just challenges me in a stare-down. I get about 10' away and just calmly assume a position of At Ease, waiting for the presentation to move elsewhere. The LTC just phreaking EXPLODES on me - yelling and screaming that proper military customs and courtesies WILL be observed AT ALL TIMES, yada, yada, yada. He made me walk back down to the vehicle, turn around, and come back up to the position so I could do it right.

I did as he instructed, and as I approached, everyone stepped away from the LTC... I whipped out a snappy salute and yelled, "SNIPER CHECK, SIR!!!!" He returned the salute and started to say something and then went ghostly white. He looked at the North Korean "sniper" just 800-odd meters away (with rifle on his back), then back at me, then at the huddled group of people behind him that had somehow all gotten behind cover, then back at me, then back at the NK soldier... all while he was holding his salute.

He squealed like a little girl, and RAN back to the vehicle - and didn't come out until the tour was over. The bastage never even spoke to me after that incident - even when I saluted him when we returned to the CP. After 30 years I still laugh my ass off about this one!!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 1 at 2016 6:56 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 01 Oct 2016 06:56:03 -0400

I had a CSM say to us in Afghanistan "taliban are like polar bears they don't like the cold" he got a lot of confused looks after that

Response by SGT David Baker made Oct 1 at 2016 10:09 AM

SGT David Baker — Sat, 01 Oct 2016 10:09:00 -0400

"Sergeant, which way do you put this in?"
.
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wait for it...
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Senior NCO. To describe the individual more specifically would involve stating two protected categories.

Situation: Zero range at Fort Hood. If you haven't been there-- there is (or was in the 1990's) one zero range for everybody. After zeroing, units or individuals would proceed to a qual range. The zero range operated all day, and on my last day on AD, I was assigned to be one of the range safeties-- you know, the Paddle Pilots.

The individual in question was impeccably coiffed and manicured, BDU's razor starched, boots probably professionally done (black and shiny in those days, kids), helmet and LBE very clean and badly fitted, the whole ensemble fairly screaming "JAG" (or other office worker, and no offense to real soldiers who happened to be JAG!).

The individual asked me the correct orientation of the magazine for insertion into the rifle.

I silently thanked my God that this was, in fact, my Last Day, and refrained from suggesting that the pointy parts of the ammunition should be oriented to their intended direction of flight. The individual was, by happenstance, holding it so that it would be correctly inserted, so I smiled and said "Just like that."

I did have to suggest a bit more force should be applied so that the mag catch would snap into place...

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 1 at 2016 7:43 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 01 Oct 2016 19:43:27 -0400

Battalion commander to his company commanders and staff when discussing an upcoming deployment from Italy to Germany.

"We're going to do it just like last year. If you've got a good idea, keep it to yourself".

Response by Candy Alkaabi made Oct 1 at 2016 10:43 PM

Candy Alkaabi — Sat, 01 Oct 2016 22:43:59 -0400

My daddy had a higher up tell him and hi screw to cut down all of the trees that pose a threat, my daddy asked if he really meant that, and he said yes.....well the huge American oak in this officers front yard posed a threat, it could have been trimmed but he said "cut them down" so my daddy tagged the tree and said officer threw fit! No my daddy didn't cut it down but his point was made and the officer never said to cut down the trees that pose a threat, not when most of them only needed a trim!

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 2 at 2016 11:12 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 11:12:28 -0400

I don't know this personally but a friend of mine said while in Vietnam, marine corps, new boot lt came upon him, he didn't salute and the newbee chastised him and order the salute, well new lt became dead lt

Response by Sgt William Straub Jr. made Oct 11 at 2016 5:17 PM

Sgt William Straub Jr. — Tue, 11 Oct 2016 17:17:08 -0400

I think the most impressed I was by rank was in 1970. I was an SP on duty at a highly classified area on my base in Thailand. USAF Chief of Staff General John Ryan came for a visit. When he approached my ECP he showed the proper clearance badge and so did his cadre of multiple Generals, Colonels, LTC, Majors etc... He was the most impressive General I have met. He asked my name, home of record and complimented me on my appearance and how much he enjoyed the occasions he was able to visit Connecticut. He even went so far as to ask if I wanted a coffee, I explained I couldn't leave my post. He turned to a Major and said "Major, go and get a coffee for me and the Airman here would you please?" I was shocked and proud that a man of that stature even cared. Made my day and increased all respect I had for Generals. I did realize later how some lower ranked officers could be wallowing in chickenshit an enjoying every moment. Fortunately most grow up and realize that NCO's and enlisted are deserving of respect as well.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 11 at 2016 9:35 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 11 Oct 2016 21:35:39 -0400

Don't do as I do. Do as I tell you to do. You got that numb Nuts?

Response by SPC Joel Butler made Oct 13 at 2016 4:49 PM

SPC Joel Butler — Thu, 13 Oct 2016 16:49:45 -0400

I had someone tell me "I'm f**king this cat, you're just holding the tail".

I swear, I still WTF at this over 10 years later.

Response by Col Dona Marie Iversen made Oct 15 at 2016 12:10 AM

Col Dona Marie Iversen — Sat, 15 Oct 2016 00:10:38 -0400

It came from my mouth as a young officer: "So, are you a Sgt. or a Major? How can you have an enlisted and an officer rank"?

Response by MSG Glen Johnson made Dec 29 at 2016 10:05 PM

MSG Glen Johnson — Thu, 29 Dec 2016 22:05:01 -0500

Here is the stupidest directive I was ever told during my career. I was inform by a CSM, nicknamed "Mule Dick" by his Soldiers, that he did not care if the Soldiers had traveled all the way back from Afghanistan to get home. He also stated, they could wait at the airport until the regularly scheduled bus arrived at the airport to bring them back to the base. After that meeting, I truly knew why his Soldiers nicknamed him “Mule Dick”.

Response by PO2 Orlando Sims, MPA made May 25 at 2019 3:05 AM

PO2 Orlando Sims, MPA — Sat, 25 May 2019 03:05:42 -0400

I had an O-4 demand that I install drivers on his government computer for a pair of plug and play speakers. I just plugged the speakers into his computer and they worked. He still made it seem like it was somehow my fault that it didn't work when he tried doing it before he contacted me to assist.

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 18 at 2021 10:15 PM

Cpl Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 18 Jan 2021 22:15:47 -0500

I once saw a pair of Cpls breif my SSgt and two officers (Capts if I remember correctly) from another unit. Despite the fact that this was only practice for the Cpls and training for the rest of us, the briefing was being conducted in a very serious manner, when out of nowhere one of the officers referred to the other as "Peanut". While the nickname seemed to fit, the jovial nickname seemed to come out of nowhere, making half of us try as hard as we could not to laugh on the outside, and the other half questioning whether we actually heard correctly.