What It Takes To Have A Successful Life In Or Out Of The Military

2018-01-12T10:16:26-05:00

On many a deployment, I remember so many times hearing the worst about a new assignment that wasn't true. Let me recommend having a great attitude about each deployment. Everywhere you go has its ups and downs. If all you hear is the downs, you have a bad attitude about your new duty station before you even get there.

I have not been anywhere that I did not enjoy. Opportunities come to those who get out and meet the people of your community. Our military family is very important but when we segregate ourselves from the community we create barriers. People in the community hear about the military when there is a brawl at the bar or the drunk driver that was in an accident downtown. Get out and show the community the military person who volunteers at the Red Cross, helps the Salvation Army, or who helps on weekends with Habitat for Humanity. Do not keep yourself bottled up.

As a young soldier, I very seldom went downtown except in the evenings to go to the bar. We need to learn how to connect with others outside of our military family. When I started going to church, I started doing more in the community. You do not have to join a church to get involved with the community. That is what I did, and it is one of the greatest steps that helped me see beyond the military personnel I associated with.

Your attitude before you show up to your new duty station is very important. It will affect the outcome you have from that new deployment. When you show up, come excited about the new opportunities you will find in this place. That attitude will actually create even more opportunity for you.
1. When you have a winner's attitude, others want to come alongside you. A good attitude draws others. If you find it hard to make new friends, check your attitude.
2. Your attitude will encourage you as well as those around you will also be encouraged. You will find that having a good attitude is contagious. A bad attitude is contagious too but eventually people want to get away from the person with a bad attitude, and you will draw more people to you with a good attitude.
3. A good attitude takes work and the more you work it the easier it gets. Some ways to make it easier are to be a grateful person, always look for the positive in every situation and let others know what that is. A good attitude will serve you in and out of the military.
4. Make the decision to choose and display a good attitude daily.

Response by CSM Chuck Stafford made Jan 12 at 2018 10:27 AM

2018-01-12T10:27:16-05:00

Very true words -- thanks for sharing

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 12 at 2018 1:04 PM

2018-01-12T13:04:20-05:00

Very true. I encourage military members of any age and tenure to begin networking well before they are even thinking about transition/retirement. You need to give yourself time to form those relationships.

Response by Sgt Tee Organ made Jan 12 at 2018 2:08 PM

2018-01-12T14:08:24-05:00

Having got out of the military the best advice I can give is this. You are not done, you can't put down the pack, life in general does not owe you a dime, you gotta go out there and get it yourself. Simple, you had to claw your way to the top while you were in, you gotta claw just as hard when youre out. You have an advantage though because many folks aren't as saavy as you, that's your skill and experience over them. You had purpose, you had drive and motivation, those are the keys now, find purpose, motivation, drive and get on that train. You cannot rely on your past to set you up for the future, you cannot let these so called veterans organizations define who you will be either. So many people do and they end up on the bottom of the woodpile, pissed off and resent everything. You need help, get help, don't wait for the VA, talk to service officers in the local organizations. Talk to other vets, ones that are successful not the ones in the bottom rung with you. The absolute worst thing happening to the veteran community right now and I mean this, is the stigma that is being promoted within the media, the main stream school of thought and even in the VA, that we are victims, that we all have debilitating life skills, that we are mental, that we need to be filled up full of psych pills to function. That thinking literally kills vets. These people are here to help you if you need it but don't rely or depend on them, they will drag you down into a deep dark hole. I knew a vet from a local VFW, turns out he was a straight up asshole, justified his actions and attitude as being an "unstable veteran" citing PTSD and other reasons. Very capable otherwise but he got caught up in the stigma and was essentially waiting out a payout for his VA claims. When you get like that, you are often told by sea lawyers to act out, display no filter, that these things will help your cause, etc. Well turns out that not only did it not help, but this guy became a drege to society trying to fill that shoe, first rate asshole lost his family and friends, still got nowhere in the VA. I say that's what the current system is wanting from us, they want us to be perpetual victims and utterly dependent on it so that we aren't a threat because we do know something about defending our country, and we can smell a rat a mile away. The last thing this system needs is a success story staring them in the face and putting them to task. So Im telling ya the best thing you can do getting out, take what you learned and know and make it work for you, use the elements of the system to help you along, but you remain self sufficient. Talk to successful vets and get advice from them. DO NOT GET CAUGHT IN THE STIGMA OF VICTIMIZATION THE MAINSTREAM WANTS TO USE YOU TO PROMOTE.

Response by Col Rebecca Lorraine made Jan 13 at 2018 6:24 PM

2018-01-13T18:24:41-05:00

Great advice and insight. Military member tend to stick together on and off duty. Learning how to make me friends and network outside the military means making an effort to connect. Volunteer work at animal shelters and meet up groups in the community offer opportunities to hike, bike, and do many other things that build your profile as a person! Grow!

Response by LTC Stephan Porter made Jan 16 at 2018 1:54 PM

2018-01-16T13:54:03-05:00

Very solid advice. Over my, now, 30 years we have lived off post (except my first assignment as a single Private). We spend quite a bit of effort to insert ourselves into the community we live in. I have run into the issue of communities being so close knit that they do not open up for years; and if we PCSd before they truly opened up, we never broke in. Still, we do enjoy ourselves regardless!

Response by PO2 Rev. Frederick C. Mullis, AFI, CFM made Jan 18 at 2018 8:25 AM

2018-01-18T08:25:48-05:00

The best advice I was ever given was by my Father, A Seabee Chief, who was a WWII and Korean vet. He always told me growing up, "Boy, Don't try and change the world." Later on my Naval Science Instructor in High School basically gave me the same advice. He too was a WWII and Korean Vet but was a Chief Aviation Bosunmate. "Fred, Don't try and change the whole world, just change the part that you are in." When I went in, I took that to heart and was sent to what I was told was the Arm Pit of the world, for Boot Camp. San Diego. After living with a Seabee all my life and having 3 years of NJROTC, I knew what to expect, and I had a ball at boot camp. I arrived with a shaved head when everyone else had hair down to their ass. I jumped in the barber chair and told them to take a little off the side... I was the recruit Chief of my Company and we breezed through basic. Had a grand time. Left basic as the Company Honorman, went to Schools, breezed through my choice schools, and got my choice duty, all because of positive attitude. Finally got to the fleet and the same positive attitude carried me through different Ships, Squadrons and Shore Stations. After Discharge, with a correct attitude and the right work ethics you can basically write your own ticket. Employers will jump on someone who they can see that they will not have trouble with. So looking back the best advice was so correct and it is still working. Don't try and change the world, just change that small area around you. Other people will see how good you have it and flock to you to learn how you are doing it. and by changing the area around you, you will in turn change a much greater part of the world. You do not have to change the whole world because you do not live all over the world. Just fix yoiur part of it, like I have done, and continue to do.

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made Jan 29 at 2018 8:37 PM

2018-01-29T20:37:08-05:00

Well said. The most important assignment you will ever have is the one you are in right now. Do your best at it and you will see a positive payback.

Response by Nicole Thomas made Feb 3 at 2018 2:15 AM

2018-02-03T02:15:22-05:00

Good Advise

Response by SSG Eddye Royal made Feb 14 at 2018 12:34 PM

2018-02-14T12:34:58-05:00

Great advise for this generation young men and women, that don’t like to follow directions or task with little directions.

Response by Nicole Thomas made Feb 20 at 2018 2:37 AM

2018-02-20T02:37:24-05:00

Sir is there a way to share this story. I think a young soldier, who was in my son's unit could benefit from it?

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2018 12:24 PM

2018-02-23T12:24:11-05:00

Spot on. I just started as an Asst. Bn S1 after being in a very volatile working condition, I've always been a pretty good-natured guy, but went out of my way to keep my attitude pleasant instead of being salty. 3 weeks later and even the more melancholy leaders in the unit are starting to soften their gruff exterior.

Attitude makes a huge difference, and pairing that with tact and respect towards your superiors can change the whole workplace.

Response by PO3 Phyllis Maynard made Apr 19 at 2018 6:30 AM

2018-04-19T06:30:08-04:00

SFC Russell Shaw for sure!!! I learned very quickly just out of boot camp that "a good attitude" was and still is key in life. Unfortunately, those who are suppose to mentor an individual (sometimes some) interject "the unspoken social" requirement to have specific complaints about matters one has not personally encountered, in order, to fit right in.