What's the best advice you can give for strengthening military marriages?

CH (MAJ) William Beaver — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 14:01:28 -0400

What is the best word of advice you can give for strengthening military marriages?

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Jul 5 at 2015 2:20 PM

Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 14:20:32 -0400

Find something you both enjoy and do it together.

Response by MAJ Jack Horn, LPC, NCC, CCMHC, CCTP, CCTP-II, CCFP, CDBT made Jul 5 at 2015 2:23 PM

MAJ Jack Horn, LPC, NCC, CCMHC, CCTP, CCTP-II, CCFP, CDBT — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 14:23:49 -0400

My training and background is as a marriage and family therapist. I do a lot of work with active duty and veteran families. My wife (also a marriage therapist) and I have developed a 12 session training (also in a two day seminar format) that is focused precisely where you have asked. We walk through a series of information and practical, hands on tools focused on: understanding the family lifecycle, the bio/psycho/social/cultural/spiritual differences between men and women, emotional regulation, conflict management, a whole host of communications tools, and relationship enhancement and management. The four parts of our program are titled: who we are, how we think, how we communicate, and how we relate. We find that this has a significant impact on any family, but especially active duty families.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 5 at 2015 2:29 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 14:29:57 -0400

Be willing to compromise and above all stay best friends.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 5 at 2015 2:48 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 14:48:16 -0400

Unless you are absolutely certain that you are iron-clad in understanding the challenges and difficulties unique to life as a spouse of a service member, DON'T DO IT.

My soon-to-be-ex-wife told me in one of her more candid moments that I chose the Army over her and the children. It wasn't true, but it cut me to the core. I will not even look for love again until my Army career ends.

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 5 at 2015 3:05 PM

SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 15:05:44 -0400

Agree to hold fast to an "in it to win it" state of mind. A few months ago during drill I heard a MSG tell a young soldier that before he got married to his then-serious girlfriend he needed to have arrangements in place to get out; separate bank accounts, pre-nup, the whole nine yards. If you go in with that attitude, you are doomed from the start, because when the first troubles appear you are popping smoke. Fight for your spouse. Burn the ships, leaving no one to cling to but one another, especially early in your marriage.

Response by SFC Stephen King made Jul 5 at 2015 7:54 PM

SFC Stephen King — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 19:54:19 -0400

Think before you speak. Breath and have fun be friends.

Response by LTC Jason Mackay made Jul 5 at 2015 7:57 PM

LTC Jason Mackay — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 19:57:17 -0400

Be honest. Don't sugar coat, especially when the Service is about to hand you an opportunity to exhibit selfless service. Your spouse needs to be able to not just hang in there, but thrive. It makes for an odd dynamic. Your spouse has to have something to call "her's": career, vocation, hobby, whatever. This is really hard, especially with kids. Don't BS that everything is going to be hunky dory.

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Jul 6 at 2015 1:52 AM

CAPT Kevin B. — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 01:52:48 -0400

It you think something is wrong, it probably is. Get into counseling and most of the time you'll find out it was you mucking things up. We Mils have a bad habit of isolating ourselves. BTW if you can't cry together, something's wrong.

Response by CH (MAJ) William Beaver made Jul 6 at 2015 1:33 PM

CH (MAJ) William Beaver — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 13:33:52 -0400

What are the best tips for strengthening marriages, based on your personal experience?

Response by SCPO David Lockwood made Jul 6 at 2015 1:45 PM

SCPO David Lockwood — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 13:45:45 -0400

Comunication
Comunication
Comunication

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 6 at 2015 2:38 PM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 14:38:15 -0400

Money, Money, Money,

I may not buy happiness but it will buy a HEMI which is close enough.

Response by Maj Kim Patterson made Aug 4 at 2015 3:56 AM

Maj Kim Patterson — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 03:56:56 -0400

Having been both the military member with a spouse and being the spouse of a military member has given me a bit of insight. The relationships forged so strongly as we serve with our military brothers and sisters give us a family in many ways. We spend all day/night working beside them, with a common language and many things that require no explanation, both home and deployed. Although we technically "wear our uniforms 24/7" when we go home to our spouses and families, we must set much of that aside and build bonds through shared activities, clear communication and a willingness to put your marriage first when you are home. Leave the acronyms at work. Make sure you do the little things even on the tightest budget. Lots of little things trumps one big thing once a year. We all love our buddies but they just got most of your 24 hours. When you are home focus on the one you love and skip the calls to coworkers unless absolutely necessary. Remind each other of shared moments and make more.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 4 at 2015 1:09 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 13:09:07 -0400

When it comes to PTSD I tell them to go to marriage counseling because they are not hearing things, saying things, seeing things, and miscommunicating things.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 4 at 2015 2:39 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 14:39:37 -0400

Get rid of her if she goes batshit crazy. Sorry wrong thread.

Response by CPT Pedro Meza made Aug 12 at 2015 1:41 PM

CPT Pedro Meza — Wed, 12 Aug 2015 13:41:01 -0400

You are married to the Military first, the other marriage is your mistress or mister, but know that one marriage will try to kill you or cripple you while the other might break your heart; laugh and enjoy life.

Response by Angela Jaramillo made Feb 23 at 2016 12:05 PM

Angela Jaramillo — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 12:05:26 -0500

Communication

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 24 at 2016 5:57 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 17:57:03 -0400

Communication and understanding

Response by SSG Courtney Ellis made Apr 25 at 2016 11:30 PM

SSG Courtney Ellis — Mon, 25 Apr 2016 23:30:08 -0400

Remember communication from the beginning is always the key and it helps everything else to fall into place and stay in place!!

Response by Brittany Groh made Jan 29 at 2020 4:14 PM

Brittany Groh — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 16:14:22 -0500

Are you a military couple looking to strengthen your relationship? The Strength at Home Program is currently enrolling participants in a free 10-week program. Learn more at http://www.strengthathome.org. Couples may be compensated up to $300/couple.

Strength At Home - JBLM

Strength At Home at Joint Base Lewis-McChord (JBLM) offers relationship strengthening programs for military couples to help families adjust to the unique stress associated with military service.