Posted on Apr 1, 2021
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PO3 Kenn Andrus
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When I first reported on board my ship it was the tradition to send the new guy out to get some fictitious item. I was sent out to get some "Bulkhead Remover". Little did my shipmates know but that I was wise to these sorts of things, but I dutifully went in search of said item. I went to a friend in the Ordinance Department and told him what I had been sent for and asked if he could help me out. We then took a 10 pound practice bomb, painted it OD with a yellow stripe around the nose, put an inert fuse in it and painted Mk 1 Bulkhead Remover on the side of it. I returned to the shop with the requested "Bulkhead Remover" in hand and gave it to PO1 that sent me out for it. Of course everyone freaked out and EOD got called in. They had a great laugh over the whole thing and put my "Bulkhead Remover" on display in their shop. Need less to say I was never again sent for any fictitious item.
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SFC Richard Bensen
SFC Richard Bensen
2 mo
While stationed in West Berlin in 81 the normal item to send the newbies for was the keys to the Gruenewald (which was the open forests surrounding Berlin). It usually worked.
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PO3 Kenn Andrus
PO3 Kenn Andrus
2 mo
Had another time we sent the new guy out for a water hammer. First stop was Engineering Supply, nope try S-1, and so on through all of the supply divisions. Finally he got to Aviation Supply on the aft hanger deck where they said sure we have one and pointed to a CAT piston secured to the hanger bulkhead. This thing is a good 15 feet long or more and weighs a few hundred pounds. Poor guys comes screaming on back, totally freaked out and saying have you seen the size of that thing. Our response was "Oh no , we don't need that one. We just need a small one." what most people don't realize is that there really is such a thing as a water hammer, ask any plumber and they can tell you.
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Bergman Oswell
Bergman Oswell
1 mo
Most fictitious item fetch quests have a real world answer, if you're clever. For example, there is a special solvent meant to be used to clean bug guts off helicopter rotors that is literally prop wash. Another example is a pipe stretcher is properly called a flaring tool. And so on.
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Cpl Ronald Hart
Cpl Ronald Hart
2 d
In the comm realm--it was a sky hook
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Maj Robert Thornton
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We had a nurse Capt that was always pranking everyone. His favorite device was KY Jelly. In your hat, the phone, the toilet seat. On his last day prior to PCS ING, two of the med techs went out to his pickup, slimed the door handles, the seat and the steering wheel. As he left the building most of the nursing staff and med techs were watching from the windows. It is a shame we didn't have a Mike down there. First he got his hands into the KY on the door handles, no sweat, wiped off with a handkerchief. The fun part was watching him slide across the seat and attempting to grab the slimed steering wheel. Priceless payback!
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Maj Robert Thornton
Maj Robert Thornton
5 mo
Now that CPL Chris Palmberg, is evil, funny, but still evil. LMAO.
I had two med techs that used to move my rank insignia on my flight cap. It got old after awhile. I got both of them together and let them know if I ever left the building with my rank insignia in the wrong place, I would take all of their rank insignia and other patches off their field jackets. I would then sew them back on, in the wrong place and/or upside down. They stopped messing with my cap. They knew me well enough to know I would follow through on my threat.
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MSG Randy Almendinger (Retired)
MSG Randy Almendinger (Retired)
3 mo
A well liked Army Master Sergeant was retiring. At his last formation, while he was front and center, one platoon had memorized the marching episode in STRIPES (Bill Murray), broke ranks and marched around the formation in that manner calling the cadence from the movie. It was truly hilarious!
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PO1 Dustin Hale
PO1 Dustin Hale
3 mo
KY Jelly looks the same as hand sanitizer when it is in the bottle, and it pumps the same.

Keep one bottle of KY out for people stealing your sanitizer, and keep a real bottle hidden away.
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SPC Lyle Montgomery
SPC Lyle Montgomery
2 mo
We did the same thing in construction after the Army. Only we used Dychem blueing. It is like a paste ink in a tube.We put it on black elevator buttons and inside the headband of a hard hat toilet seats, tool box handles etc. This stuff did not wash off it had to wear off. Not even lacquer thinner would wash it off.
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MSgt Don VandeBogert
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In the '90s, until '96 IIRC, the USAF enlisted had velcro/rank name patches on our BDUs. Lots got turned upside down or swapped to different uniforms. I got called out by my CC for wearing a MSgt patch from my boss as an Amn/E-2 in the DFAC.

I pulled lots of pranks with zip ties. Best prank I pulled was on my boss. We were slow at work. His shirt had the sleeves rolled and was hanging on the back of his chair. My trainer and I put a pair of zip ties in his sleeves. We had to guess at the size as he was a wiry guy but had Popeye forearms. One of his habits when putting his top on was to put a hand in each opening and sort of punch straight out. As I said, we were slow. Early afternoon he cuts everyone but the house mouse (my roomate) out for an early weekend. COB he grabs his shirt, puts his hands in and pushes out. He got about half way. The zip ties stuck tight on his forearms. He couldn't get his arms in amd he couldn't get them out. My roommate is rolling watching him struggle with his arms stuck. Boss was pissed. Come Monday morning everyone knows what happened. Boss is still pissed so in front of the formation calls me out, tells me I'm not allowed to touch a zip tie without permission, and tells the flight to watch out for me to which they all just start laughing which pisses him off more.

I've also taken boots, filled them with water and put them in the freezer. Soaked lots of shirts and hats and froze them as well. That cured the "put your stuff in your locker where it belongs" issues we had.

V/R
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SSG Bobby Richardson
SSG Bobby Richardson
7 mo
Much mischief begins with the phrase "slow at work". :)
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MSgt Don VandeBogert
MSgt Don VandeBogert
7 mo
SSG Bobby Richardson If you have good time management skills and are busy pranks don't stop. I'd tiptoe guys to their creepers as I walked by. Not so much aprank, but it always humoured me, if someone took off to the John for a few minutes I'd install a part or two for them and watch them search for the parts they needed until they realized they were installed. Then they'd just look confused.

V/R
Bogie

V/R
Bogie
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SSG Bobby Richardson
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SSG Ken Gilder
SSG Ken Gilder
1 mo
I was the back up broadcaster at AFKN in Korea, when the on air guy (who was a little soused on New Year's Eve), got a call, complaining about the music. He said the caller gave him a bunch of static, ending with "Do you know who I am?"

The on-air guy said "No!" The reply was "I'm colonel So and So, commander of such and such a unit."

The on-air guy answered "Do you know who I am?" The colonel said "No!"

The on-air guy said "Good!" and hung up.
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