What’s the best way to tactfully handle situations where a Servicemember brings an inappropriately dressed guest to a formal military ball?

CH (MAJ) William Beaver — Fri, 26 Oct 2018 14:10:48 -0400

We’ve all seen ‘that guy’ or ‘that gal’ who apparently didn’t get the memo or brief on what is and is not appropriate civilian dress for a formal military ball. What is the best, most tactful way you have dealt with it or have seen it dealt with? What should NOT be done? And these days, if you say something about clothing that is too revealing, do you risk a SHARP complaint?

Response by SFC Ralph E Kelley made Oct 26 at 2018 2:46 PM

SFC Ralph E Kelley — Fri, 26 Oct 2018 14:46:16 -0400

I always briefed my soldiers and had all the NCOs inspected and inspecting their soldiers to make sure we were up to snuff.
I also made sure the wifes club had a little tête-à-tête's with the dates of the soldiers where they gave them advice, loaned them appropriate attire, took them shopping and showed them how-to use their spoons, prepared their hair etc, etc.
We also helped them after arrival to ensure they and their dates were able to meet with everyone.
Getting together and passing along traditions is what it's all about. Making it a feared event isn't.

Response by Maj John Bell made Oct 26 at 2018 4:04 PM

Maj John Bell — Fri, 26 Oct 2018 16:04:43 -0400

At the Amphibious Warfare School (AWS) they tried to head off the situation. Each study group had a volunteer spouse who was the "social rep." The AWS Director's wife met with the social reps in a "train the trainer" and provided handouts. Almost every study group had both:
_Spouses and significant others that were offended
_Spouses and significant others that dressed inappropriately anyway.
Good Luck!

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Oct 26 at 2018 4:35 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Fri, 26 Oct 2018 16:35:17 -0400

I want to see the picture :)

Response by PFC Pamala (Hall) Foster made Oct 27 at 2018 4:16 PM

PFC Pamala (Hall) Foster — Sat, 27 Oct 2018 16:16:16 -0400

I am going to the Marine Corp Ball in my area, but it is called the Marine Corps Armed Forces Ball due to invitations being extended to veterans of all services as well. Fortunately, one of my friends is a Retired Officers wife and she gave me the 4 1 1 on how to Dress, etiquette and what to wear and NOT wear. My gown is Ballerina length and shoulders are covered so I am 'safe' by far. What they mean by inappropriate is High slit, low cut to show almost everything, cut outs to show too much skin. NCO's and officers DO have the right to counsel you for the lack of your dates attire and refuse you entry to the Ball and IF it is MANDATORY for you to be there, then that equals problems. This is the one event where CLASS is required and TRASH IS OUT (that came from an NCO that I used to know). Dress Conservatively, but not prudish ladies-it is OK to be glamorous, but do NOT go like Kim Kardashian or Nikki Manaj PLEASE. And men, if you with your lady, show respect to her and if she is the Soldier, look handsome and it is OK to let loose, but have fun in reason. Go to YouTube and look at footage of how much fun The Ball is and take a cue from them. Classy looks but HAVING FUN.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 27 at 2018 9:37 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 27 Oct 2018 21:37:53 -0400

I can tell you how it is handled after the fact.
https://d26horl2n8pviu.cloudfront.net/pictures/images/000/004/050/large_v3/elegance-formal-class-military-demotivational-poster [login to see] .jpg? [login to see]
These pictures are from the '98 or '99 USASOC Christmas ball.
The guy with the high and tight was one of our BN Staff officers.
His wife chose poorly with the dress, and while on the dance floor, removed all doubt as to whether she was going commando.
The officer was permanently banned from all USASFC and USASOC functions, and was transferred out of the unit ahead of schedule.
I didn't attend that event, I saw the pictures in a forwarded email that most of Campbell and the Army saw by mid-January.

elegance-formal-class-military-demotivational-poster-1278059154.jpg

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 28 at 2018 7:28 PM

SCPO Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 28 Oct 2018 19:28:01 -0400

Who cares. This is literally an event for the morale of the members. This is not an awards ceremony or change of command