What's the hardest part about coming home from a deployment?

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:41:19 -0400

I'm a young soldier on his first deployment. At times I find myself wondering what challenges I might face when attempting to pick up where I left off. For example returning to garrison, my wife, my friends etc.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 25 at 2014 8:03 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 20:03:56 -0400

My best advice Sir pertains to your wife. She has been doing everyhting on her own the last 12 months and don't need you to come home and tell her all the things she did wrong (she probably already knows). She likely changed as did you over the year you have been gone. She may not be the same person because of that so, sometimes it takes a little getting use to when you get back. But there are agencies everywhere and if you find yourself in the position to need them, don't be too proud to seek their help,

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 25 at 2014 8:31 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 20:31:15 -0400

Isaac, My recommendation is to be aware of your surroundings. Remember that when you return home there is no danger and there is no rush. You will be returning from a very structured environment where orders and directions are followed. You wife does not work for you. Allow her some mistakes, take things slow and thing before you react. Things that would make you upset on deployment shouldn't carry the same weight at home. Don't get mad at your wife just because she forgets something or isn't moving fast enough for you. Also, don't rush into intimacy. When you and she are ready you will know. Bottom-line, control your emotions, be aware of your surroundings and remember that you are home. After this deployment you will appreciate how great America really is. Be safe.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 25 at 2014 8:42 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 20:42:17 -0400

Sir,

There are many things that will cause different challenges for when you get back. Every person takes things differently than the other, for example, things that happen to you, things you see, Ect. My best advice is to take your family into your arms, and let them know what you need, and also listen to what they need. It will be a co-op with you and your work back home.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 25 at 2014 8:46 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 20:46:36 -0400

Sir, I don't know how much this pertains to you, being that you're a signal officer, but for soldiers who saw combat one of the hardest things is to readjust to "normalcy." A lot of soldiers take a while to come back down from their amped up combat ready state. Extreme hyper alertness, adrenaline rushes for objectively minor things, freaking out when you fail to feel your weapon pressing against your side, these are some of the things that I had trouble with when I came back to the states. The good news is that most soldiers learn to readjust within a few months. The bad news is that there isn't a whole hell of a lot you can do to alleviate the stress during this time period. SFC Richard G. also made an excellent point considering the fact that you have a wife. The biggest mistake I've heard a lot of married soldiers make when they return from a deployment is to assume that everything will be the same when they get back. Put bluntly, it wont be. Try to figure out how your wife has been getting by since you left and work with her to reincorporate yourself into the daily routine. Don't assume that just because you handled a particular relationship role before you left that you'll be able to dive right back into it. The best advice I can give is to take things slow, and do your best to communicate with your wife. She's not a mind reader. She doesn't know where your head is, and might even have difficulty understanding your emotional state even if she could handle that expertly before. You both are now different people, treat the situation as such and learn to re-familiarize yourself with each other.

Response by CW2 Joseph Evans made Mar 25 at 2014 9:15 PM

CW2 Joseph Evans — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 21:15:55 -0400

Might be putting in the time to clear Jody's high scores off your video games....
Figuring where all the new locations for things are...
Why there is Axe deodorant where your old spice belongs...

SFC Gilley has the right it. As bad as you think you got it, someone else has it worse. Relax, breathe and remember "You can never walk in the same stream twice." Things change.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 25 at 2014 11:11 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 23:11:08 -0400

The hardest part for me was trying to pick back up where I left off. It doesn't happen. When you have been gone for a year, things don't get put on hold. They go on without you. You might want to put yourself back where you were when you left but that is really like going back in time. The people you know will change, your family could be more independent, and that might be the hardest part. I know for me, my wife and kids relied on me for a lot before I left, but when I came back they were not so dependent anymore. Me being gone for a year forced them all to have to figure things out and drive on without me, so it was difficult for them too when I wanted to jump back into the swing of things.

The only thing you can really do is try to talk to your wife as much as possible while deployed. Try to talk to her every day that you can, even if you are exhausted and just came off of a 48 hour mission. Family back home don't realize how difficult it can be being deployed, they just know they don't talk to you much. If you stay connected as much as possible, it will hopefully help when you get back.

I don't care who you are, what your job is, or where you deploy to, you will be a different person when you get back. Just try to relax and take it one step at a time. There is no need to rush back into thing when you get back. Take it easy and let things come back to you as naturally as possible. I hope that helps sir. Stay safe and come home soon!

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 26 at 2014 3:12 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 26 Mar 2014 03:12:10 -0400

The time change and getting use to the fact your wife will have picked up many of the duties that you did around the house and just getting back into the normalcy and routines. With our tour Isaac you won't find it to hard.

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 20 at 2014 8:38 AM

SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 20 Sep 2014 08:38:58 -0400

I think the toughest thing for me was feeling like there was something "missing" because I didn't have an M-4 hanging by my side.

The other thing was driving. On both deployments, the fastest one drives or is transported on a COB/airfield maxes out between 25 and 30mph. The first time back from deployment, my wife was driving. When we got onto the highway and hit 70mph, I was holding onto the seat for dear life. My wife got a chuckle out of that one.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Oct 19 at 2015 12:39 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Mon, 19 Oct 2015 12:39:03 -0400

I just wanted to show you a picture of what wars cause. This German soldier returned and found out his family had moved.

Response by MG Stephen Hogan made Oct 11 at 2016 6:01 PM

MG Stephen Hogan — Tue, 11 Oct 2016 18:01:16 -0400

Thank you for your service.

Life is simple overseas, really, as just about everything is provided. A man has only two things to worry about; #1 is not to get killed, #2 is to do your job. Each are pretty heavy weights to carry, maybe a good 40 pounds each, but we can carry one in each hand, and we have been trained to carry those weights.

Life at home is not as easy. They allow you to put down those two forty pounders when you get home, and that is nice, but then the world issues you about twenty or thirty 2 pound mental dumbbells to take their place . One of these two pound weights may be something like "pay the insurance bill", another "cable went out", "weed eat the front yard", etc. Fact is, we don't have enough hands to carry all of those dinky weights, and I for one got really anxious about these things flying at me all at one time. Still do. PTSD for me feels a great deal like frustration, mostly at myself when I drop one- but especially if whoever issues me another two pound weight after I have just dropped a few.

My advice to you when you get home is to learn, and decide- which weights that you carry, and which ones it's ok to put down. it's also okay to drop one once and awhile, you only have two hands.

Best.

H.