What's Your Best Foot-In Mouth Story?

RallyPoint News — Mon, 14 Mar 2022 09:42:27 -0400

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Response by SFC Terry Fortune made Mar 14 at 2022 11:09 AM

SFC Terry Fortune — Mon, 14 Mar 2022 11:09:29 -0400

Was at a family Christmas party on Christmas Eve. My mother-in- said that there will be snow on Christmas morning. Well living here down in the South. I stated that it wasn't going to snow. Well on Christmas morning there was snow. Got a phone call from my mother-in-law " saying who said that there wouldn't be any snow." I did stick my foot in my mouth that time.

Response by MSG Thomas Currie made Mar 14 at 2022 7:20 PM

MSG Thomas Currie — Mon, 14 Mar 2022 19:20:09 -0400

While I was section leader for the Bn Headquarters Tank Section, one day while in the field I told the Bn Cdr that when we got back to garrison he should attach the Hqs Tank Section to one of the line companies because "the Headquarters Company Commander doesn't know a damn thing about tanks, doesn't want to know a damn thing about tanks, and never will know a damn thing about tanks." The HHC Commander was standing right there when I said it.

When we got back to garrison, the headquarters tank section was not transferred to a line company, but I was.

A week later the HHC commander had a new job at Division -- apparently it took a week for the Bn Cdr to find that I had been telling the truth.

Response by SP5 Dave Anderson made Mar 16 at 2022 5:54 PM

SP5 Dave Anderson — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 17:54:36 -0400

I TOLD HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS TO BE QUIET AND NOT MISBEHAVE!!
PUT MY FOOT IN MY MOUTH
Dave Anderson
Substitute at Keansburg HS and Elementary School

Response by PO3 Gary Ferguson made Mar 16 at 2022 6:11 PM

PO3 Gary Ferguson — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 18:11:08 -0400

Not sure why I need to post something

Response by Amn Kevin Engle made Mar 16 at 2022 6:32 PM

Amn Kevin Engle — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 18:32:50 -0400

I was in still in Basic and was one of the last people finishing up Chow. I was approached by a female Drill Sgt. and she was screaming demanding to know why I was standing outside her Chow Hall, and in a nervous haste I accidentally called her "Sir". I have never been so scared of a woman before in my life than I was when I saw her claws coming straight for my face.

Response by SP5 Ronald Shelton made Mar 16 at 2022 6:37 PM

SP5 Ronald Shelton — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 18:37:08 -0400

My wife called and asked where I was. I told her I was in. Meeting with my boss.
My boss was at my house waiting for me.

Response by Amn Robert McAdoo Jr made Mar 16 at 2022 6:55 PM

Amn Robert McAdoo Jr — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 18:55:25 -0400

I was on a cruise, sitting on the deck with friends. My friends saw someone they had met and invited him over, my hearing is not that good and I thought they said he was the Comedian on board. Well during our discussion of the entertainment, I stated the Rock and Roll Band was terrible and probably the worst I had ever heard. As it turned out, he was the Lead Guitar in that band. I seem to have a knack for putting my foot in my mouth, but at least I'm good at it!

Response by Sgt Richard Bowden made Mar 16 at 2022 6:59 PM

Sgt Richard Bowden — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 18:59:02 -0400

I was stationed at Lackland AFB and was invited to a party. I was talking to a big guy. He told me he was a singer. I told him he needed to get out of San Antonio if he wanted to make any money singing. Later, the host of the party asked me how I knew Chris. I told her I just met him. She told me he was Christopher Cross. I didn't believe her. Turns out it WAS Christopher Cross.

Response by A1C Joseph Copeland made Mar 16 at 2022 7:08 PM

A1C Joseph Copeland — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 19:08:20 -0400

I believe it was in Spain. My memory may be fuzzy but this E6 was at the 406 one night working i.e. white guy no offense but supposedly he was dating a filipina no offense and the next day after joking with him and being around him for a few days he disappear that quick so the rumors started that quick. Well i was close to the Wing Commander sec and i had to wait for a week but before i opened my trap someone else ran their and stated the guy was sent to DC WALTER REED because of a scary disease called AIDS and then it was blamed on myself as the one saying it but i never gotten any chance to say a word about it because that is not my style but the guy that said it was a punk and jealous of everyone and needed help and was an officer who was trying to get ahead

Response by TSgt Jonathan (Chris) Watson made Mar 16 at 2022 7:09 PM

TSgt Jonathan (Chris) Watson — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 19:09:50 -0400

When I was an airman, several of us were riding back to the shop in a 6pax. Being a bunch of E-Nothing Know-It-Alls who were batching about some drama or other in the shop. I decided to go on an epic and profane rant about our Shop NCOIC and how inept he was. You know know the rant. "I don't give a ---- what Sgt So and So says. He couldnt run anything right unless it was servicing the Chief........" Yeah, that rant. The guys were all laughing and agreeing. The normal crap.

I was driving and pulled into the shop and when I called Control to open the door over the radio, there was no response. We waited and my friend got out to go in and manually open the door for us and the truck. When he did, a bunch of gear that was in the floorboard at his fell out. As he bent to grab it all, the truck radio squelched. He looked at me with a panicked look on his face and said, " Oh $#!+, that was what was rocking under my boot." I looked over and he had a handheld that had been in the pocket of a jacket somebody left in the truck.

Yep. You guessed right. He had keyed it unknowingly. He gave me the OH $#!+ expression as the other two guys in the backseat got real quiet. My heart sank.

I swallowed and asked the controller to open the door and I drove us in. The was a quiet 15 seconds. As we got out of the truck, the Controller got on the shop PA system and said, "SRA Watson, please report to Sgt So and So's office immediately." As I turned my keys in to the Controller, he shook his head and said the our NCOIC was in Control when I hot miked.

I walked down the hall to the office,my face burning, and reported to the NCOIC. It was NOT a pleasant "conversation."

The end result was me being an immature dirtbag that thought that being assigned to breaking frozen coal out of train cars at the power plant was entirely unjustified.

I few years later, I got some act right and realized what an ass I was. Sgt So and So, while not the best NCO I ever served under, had a crappy job working for the second worst CMSgt in PACAF. He caught it going both directions because of that Chief. Yet, he actually managed to protect me from myself several times by wrangling a TDY replacement rotation to Osan to get me out from under the Chief, the 1st Sgt, and Admin LT at the Headshed because I had taken a principled stand on something that was a big deal and bucked the three. He also pulled me aside later, before PCSing and actually gave me some life advice about the direction I was going. All in all, he was an alright guy and I was an immature, self entitled, disrespectful dirtbag.

Response by CA James Bendyna made Mar 16 at 2022 7:32 PM

CA James Bendyna — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 19:32:37 -0400

Well, this story didn't occur while I was active duty, this was before my service. So I hope this is still within the rules of this contest.
My friends and I when we were about 18-20 years old we would try to sneak into the local bars and if we got in, great, we would get sauced and go home. Before we would go home we would pull a little skit at whatever fast food spot (McDs, Burger King, Wendys, etc.) that was still open on our way home. first, it had to have a drive-thru, and it had to look somewhat busy and between the group we all had to took a turn to be fair. the skit would work like this, whomever turn it was would go into the fast food place and ask for a manager and proceed to complain that food was missing in our order that we made through the drive-thru, that we only discovered after arriving home with our order. and the missing items usually consisted of some simple middle road value meal and drink, plus maybe an extra fry or dessert. 100% of the time the manager would not put up any fuss and give us the food we had allegedly purchased and not received.
On one particular night me and my two friends went out and we were served and on our way home agreed to pull what we had dubbed the Drive-thru hook-up. That night was my turn, and I was pretty sauced and had fell asleep before arriving to the Fast food spot chosen. that night my friends picked a McDonalds and if I wasn't have asleep and drunk I would've realized that the McDonalds they chose was in fact the only one in South Jersey that had NOT a Drive-thru service. So, I walked in the store and went up to the kid working the counter and started in on him to get his manager and that I've never been so embarrassed to have gone through their Drive-thru only to see I was shorted part of my order. while making this huge scene, a customer and the kid were trying to stop me in the middle of what i thought was a masterpiece of good acting. I blew off the customer and told him to butt out and mind his own business, then told the counterperson to just get me a manager and i had enough of his shenanigans. A minute later a manager came up and had me repeat my problem, so I did. He listened very intently and seemed very concerned and when I finished without a pause he tells me that he would gladly reimburse my loss and that he is very sorry for my inconvenience, however, there is only one problem, he said we don't have a Drive-Thru. At that moment i looked over where a Drive-thru would or should be, there was nothing but solid wall. knowing I should swallow my pride and take the defeat. I stammered that it was the other McDonalds and I apologized for the mix-up. feeling like a complete idiot walking out and my friends dying with tears in their eyes from laughing so hard. I got into the car pissed to all hell and told my friend to take me to the other McDonalds that was just down the road. Unbeknownst to me that manager I just encountered had called ahead to the McDonalds we were heading to and ran the story to that manager. when we arrived to the 2nd McDonalds i went inside all piss-n-vinegar and demanded to see the manager and reran my story again to this manager who had already heard the story ahead of time as I just stated. To my astonishment the manager not only gave me my fake loss, but doubled it, when I said this is more than I hadn't received he proceeded to tell me that he got the call and it was the best laugh he had in years and he and literally the entire staff burst into laughter. though I put my foot totally down my throat my ego and pride was bigger and it paid off. for decades my friends STILL break my stones about that night and every relationship i was in had heard about my infamous Drive-thru story.

Response by PO2 Jon Finley made Mar 16 at 2022 7:41 PM

PO2 Jon Finley — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 19:41:10 -0400

I was standing Gate at my first duty Assignment, Naval Base San Diego, and was checking IDs. Around 2330 or so- when some people started to make their way back to the barracks. I was someone coming through the gate wearing diamond earrings, and Base Policy was no diamond earrings on base for males. I asked, respectfully, if they would remove them before coming on base. The service member replied “Even for females?” Based on the haircut (buzzed) and demeanor, I assumed it was a male. I stared off and said “Yep…” and ran back in the guard shack. To this day I remember how embarrassing that was.

Response by SP5 Wick Humble made Mar 16 at 2022 8:24 PM

SP5 Wick Humble — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 20:24:43 -0400

While I was a hold-over at my basic company (C-2-2, March 1969) I was called into the first shirt's office for some administrative reason which I, for a good reason, disremember. I was a slick-sleeve with about 1/4-in. of hair, but I hadn't been shipped to Infantry AIT, so I guess I was feeling pretty good. Of course, I was pretty rigid standing in front of his desk, and just before he dismissed me, he became rather friendly, and noting my last name, asked "Humble, huh? Are you humble?" At that point, my little shoulder devil -- supressed for three months already -- popped out and I found my mouth saying "I don't know; a lot of people seem to think I'm a smart ass." He wasn't any Troy Donohue at best, but his face looked like a thunderstorm and he said, tight lipped "Get-out-of-my-office!" Of course, that's just what I wanted to do -- so I did! When my orders came for a CAS assignment to the Medical Field Service School -- as staff/cadre at Ft. Sam Houston, I'll bet he hadn't even seen me around the barracks!! Wick Humble, ex-SP5

Response by SP5 William Gilmore made Mar 16 at 2022 8:49 PM

SP5 William Gilmore — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 20:49:40 -0400

While stationed at Ft. McPherson, GA in the 70's, I was waiting on a female to come out of her barracks. Her roommate came out and said she wasn't coming. She must have felt bad for me because we sat on the front steps and talked almost all night. We joked and laughed and had a good time. When she said maybe we should go to bed, I apologized and said I didn't realize it had gotten so late. She said," That's not what I meant." Whoops!

Response by Sgt Greg White made Mar 16 at 2022 9:06 PM

Sgt Greg White — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 21:06:54 -0400

When I was in the AF at Nellis we had a full real play war game simulating war against Russia in Europe. After the "war" was over the Supervising General held a multimedia show and basically said if that had been real war we would have won handedly, but the senior NCO's and Officers would not even have known it was over.

He gave the example of when he entered a hanger and all the planes were there and the pilots and enlisted were drinking a keg. At the point of getting furious he asked what the hell was going on and why they were drinking instead of bombing.

The senior pilot calmly apologized and explained that they were way above the scheduled sorties and had completely run out of bombs, fuel, and even targets.

The General walked through the door to the front office and asked the senior NCO and Officer for an update. He was told they were on sortie # such, which was far below the number of actual sorties. He then asked if their were any squadron planes in the hanger and was told no.

The General then told the senior officer to keep the hanger door locked for security. He wanted them doing sorties all night and would periodically drop in for updates. He then exited a side door and went back to the hanger and told the pilots and men to carry on and make sure no one drove home drunk.

This was early afternoon. Finally at 3 am someone in the front office realized the planes were in the hanger and no one was around except them.

Response by SPC Ronald Grabski made Mar 16 at 2022 9:16 PM

SPC Ronald Grabski — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 21:16:14 -0400

Not quite a statement but a "foot in mouth" action for sure. I got a short notice of a drop that I was going home in 3 days (Nov 14, 1971). Had to get from Camp Eagle to Da Nang and then home. So, it was hectic. I was due to come home on Dec. 17.
From Da Nang to Ft. Lewis for processing. I had decided to surprise my Mom and Dad. Left SeaTac at 11:55 PM and landed in Ohare at about 6:00 AM. Had to travel in Dress Greens to get the air fare discount. Caught a cab home. Mom and Dad lived on the second floor of a 3 Flat. Sun is coming up, I ring the bell. Mom comes to the top of the stairs and sees a soldier in dress uniform ( I am not due home for another month) She almost fainted and refused to come down the stairs. Dad finally did. I don't think my Mom ever actually forgave me forgave for not giving them a warning.

Response by CPL Jason Blackwood made Mar 16 at 2022 9:19 PM

CPL Jason Blackwood — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 21:19:11 -0400

I've done well for myself and my wife but something always eludes me. When will enough be enough and when will I stop chasing a dream. I suppose it's not a bad problem to have.

Response by SPC Ronald Grabski made Mar 16 at 2022 9:28 PM

SPC Ronald Grabski — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 21:28:16 -0400

Not quite a "foot in mouth" statement but certainly an action. On Nov 14,1971 I got notice of an early drop and I would be going home. Had the get from Camp Eagle to Da Nang for processing. Then from Da Nang to Ft. Lewis. I was originally scheduled to process out on Dec 17 so I decided to surprise my mom and dad. Left SeaTac at 11:55 PM, had to travel in dress greens to get the discount air fare. Landed at Ohare at about 6:00AM. Caught a cab home. Mom and dad lived on the second floor of a 3 flat in Chicago. It is now about 6:45 and the sun is coming up and I ring the bell. Mom comes to the top of the stairs and sees a figure in Dress Uniform. She stops. almost fainted as my dad held her up. She refused to come down the stairs. Dad finally did. I don't think my mom ever actually forgave me for not telling them I was coming home early.

Response by SN Patti Henry made Mar 16 at 2022 9:34 PM

SN Patti Henry — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 21:34:42 -0400

When we would be out there was one guy whose wife never came out with us. The guys would ask how Vera was and us ladies would say he should ask her to join us.
One night our friend comes in with his wife and I went to greet her and said it’s finally nice to meet you Vera.
The guys fall out laughing and her husband shook his head. Turns out they called her Vera like Norm on Cheers wife, because no one at Cheers ever saw her either

Response by SPC Ben Jeffrey made Mar 16 at 2022 10:05 PM

SPC Ben Jeffrey — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 22:05:35 -0400

When I was in Afghanistan I had to temporarily load cargo nets for supply drops for the nearby OPs. My SSGT kept giving me different load items after I finished loading it, so out of frustration I went straight to the XO to figure out what we were actually sending out. When asked why I broke the chain of command I said "Because my SGT is a Retard Sir" unfortunately unbeknownst to me my SGT was in the next room over getting coffee. He went to smoke me and a SFC who shared my sentiment stepped in and said "the birds almost here so you'd better get going". Never really did get a punishment for that.

Response by PFC Carol Moore made Mar 16 at 2022 10:09 PM

PFC Carol Moore — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 22:09:27 -0400

Former PFC here, married to an Army Officer, went to a meet cocktail party with hubby. Only one black man in the group, hubby introduces him as the guy who packs the parachutes (82d ABN DIV), and I stupidly say "so you're the token rigger?" Silence...from everyone around us...mortified, I left the party...

Response by SPC Rk Moore made Mar 16 at 2022 10:13 PM

SPC Rk Moore — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 22:13:47 -0400

Selected to work as the post CSM’s admin assistant.

I’ve never met the guy and see him limping during an event. I casually walk up to the CSM and ask him respectfully if he had injured himself as I was a medic. The CSM gives me a crazy look, shakes his head, and walks away with no reply.

Later he pulls me in his office, locks me up and asks why I was the only person on the entire base who felt brave enough to mention his gait to his face. My non-filter mouth told him—“ if I’m going to work for you CSM then I have to look out for you.”

He tried to keep a straight face and ended up laughing cause I must have looked so petrified. He said “there are soldiers who can’t walk anymore cause they lost their legs at war. At this time, I still can walk- despite it looking crazy to you, so I plan to use my legs till they don’t work anymore.”

Humbled and embarrassed, I forged a great mentor relationship from my unfiltered mouth… but certainly a time I wish I would have just thought it and not asked it out loud to the highest ranked enlisted on the post.

Response by SCPO Dan Hubble made Mar 16 at 2022 10:22 PM

SCPO Dan Hubble — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 22:22:00 -0400

When I was young 3rd class petty officer. I had the watch during a refueling operation
We had a new Chief on board. It was night time and I saw a couple of guys leaning on the handrails. So I walked up behind and said WTF are you doing up here? My new Chief turned around and my heart stopped. Luckily for me he had a good sense of human.

Response by PO2 Gregory Kissinger made Mar 16 at 2022 10:31 PM

PO2 Gregory Kissinger — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 22:31:14 -0400

When I was on FFG-8 as one of the three Oil KIng's I was in charge of the refueling station at the time, when we had a major accident when the fuel hose that was dubble banded came off and fuel went everywhere and I was one and half feet from it when it disconneted. I was so mad because a week earlier we had the hose tested and passed it's pressure test, and I was soaked with DFM so I tosed everything I was wearing overboard (this was before women were on the ship). When I left to get cleand up I was cussing up a storm (as a good sailor) can down the first ladder and the Captin open up asking who was cussing, me as naked as a jaybird said excuse me Capt I have to go get a F'n shower. When I finshed with my shower and went to Center Contol for Enginering the CWO3 who was playing chief enginer said it was the other ship that surged the line, I called him out and said he was full of shit and his pet that we put on the valves to fill the tanks had closed a valve before opening one so the fuel had somewhere to go, and that his pet would not be on the valves while I was onboard the ship.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2022 11:09 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 23:09:16 -0400

Oh, I got this! At my very first duty station, I was being escorted to my new unit. After being introduced to the few people in the office, my escort knocked on my new commander's door but only opened it a peak (so I never saw his face) she announced that she had a new soldier to introduce, he hollered out the door he'd meet me later, I said Yes Sir. As I was leaving he hollered to me Soldier, are you ready to deploy? I shouted back enthusiastically (all fired) yes sir!! He goes, Say it Loud! I have no idea why but it just slipped out, I shouted I'm black and I'm proud!! He opens the door all the way and smiles and says I love your enthusiasm soldier!! Before joining the military I'd never been in a diverse environment and I assumed that the commander was black (Tyrone Taylor was his name) he was not he was white, and so were the other 3 white commanders he was in the meeting within his office.
That will be cringe-worthy for me till the end of time.

Response by PO2 Michael Leppelman made Mar 16 at 2022 11:16 PM

PO2 Michael Leppelman — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 23:16:33 -0400

This is my foot in mouth story. While in the Navy at work on lunch sitting in the lunchroom(shore command) we were watching TV when a commercial for a pillow that you put between you legs when you sleep come on. When the commercial was over I said loud enough for everybody in the room to hear(about 20 Navy personnel men and women) "I don't know how anybody can sleep with something between their legs". As soon Everyone turned around and looked at me. As soon as I said it I realized what I had said and wished I could take it back.

Response by PFC Jenine Greene made Mar 16 at 2022 11:48 PM

PFC Jenine Greene — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 23:48:36 -0400

I was at the fair, standing in line; for some great carnie food. The woman in front of me was ordering a lot of food. I mean, for ex.3 corndogs, 3 curly fries, 3 drinks, 4 cheeseburgers, 4 sausages etc. I was just wanting a corndog and drink. She was apologetic and offered to buy my food. I said thank you, and then I wanted to kick my butt for what just blurted out of my mouth. When are you due? It must be soon. Is it a girl or a boy? She looked at me cross eyed and said she wasn't having a baby, she was just fat. I felt so bad. I really wanted to put my foot in my mouth.

Response by SSgt Donald Hahn made Mar 17 at 2022 12:35 AM

SSgt Donald Hahn — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 00:35:08 -0400

Not really too many to count but made a few that are to long to go into.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 17 at 2022 7:27 AM

COL Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 07:27:04 -0400

My first tour in Afghanistan, and I had just finished the day-long block of the indoc classes, including a heartfelt presentation by the camp doctor on why it was important not to feed the feral cats; i.e, rabies, the cats kill rodents, etc.
Later the next night, my office is having a cookout, and there's about 50 or so people. It's early evening already and dark. And sure enough, there's some clown over there feeding a feral cat under one of the outdoor lights. Without thinking (clearly!) I yell over, "Hey, you know you're not supposed to feed the cats, right?"
50 people come to an immediate halt and go dead silent -- seriously, it's like a bunch of statues. This guy gets up and turns around, and I realize it's the two-star admiral who's in charge of the entire section, and he says, "What did you just say to me?"
Everyone is looking at me ... So I said, "And subject to your questions, Sir, this concludes my career."
Thank God that everyone busted out laughing, and to his credit, he quickly realized that he couldn't be much of a jerk after that comment, but I saw the glare he gave me. It took him some time to get over that, but hey, if that's the worst thing that happens while you're deployed, it's a pretty good tour, right?

Response by Cpl Tammy Hooper made Mar 17 at 2022 8:10 AM

Cpl Tammy Hooper — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 08:10:59 -0400

I hadn't been married very long, and I hadn't mastered my husband's title yet. So, he said he was a paid beach bum (Hydrographic Surveyor). We were at a Hail and Farewell party, at his new base, and someone asked me what my husband did for a living. So, I said, "He's a paid beach bum." The Col. wanted to know who my husband was and made quite a todo about finding him. David came over and in his calm way answered the Col.'s questions ending with, "I can dress her up but not take her anywhere." In his loving teasing manner. That was only the first of three faux pax I made while we were in Okinawa. There is still a general who checks to see if I'm going to be around for events.

Response by SSG Archie Martinez made Mar 17 at 2022 8:33 AM

SSG Archie Martinez — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 08:33:51 -0400

Best foot-in-mouth story involved my mother when she congratulated a lady for being pregnant but was slightly overweight. The look on my mothers face was priceless when she was told otherwise by the lady.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 17 at 2022 8:37 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 08:37:56 -0400

I don't know if this qualifies, but in 1991 during ODS/ODS, I was in the 3rd Battalion (AVIM), 9th Aviation Regiment, 9th ID at Ft. Lewis, WA.
The Army had decided to inactivate 9th ID, despite the ongoing conflict, and our aviation battalion and hangar were turned into a supply facility. We were tasked with taking in a variety of classes of supplies from inactivating units and putting it back into the Army supply system through the Logistics Center next door to Ft. Lewis.
With that, I was tasked with putting together an instructional presentation to give to the division's units to explain the system we were implementing to receive, classify, and send out the wide variety of equipment we were receiving. Then I was tasked with giving the presentation, which was initially a bit nerve-wracking.
So, on Day 1 of our new mission my OIC (a WO1) told a clerk (a SPC) to call all the units in the division, tell them them to ignore DISCOM's published turn-in schedule (approved by a COL and a MG), and make appointments directly with us to bring in anything they were ready to turn in. We were immediately going wall-to-wall and within a month we were 3 months ahead of schedule.
This success drove a demand for us to explain it to higher headquarters. I was again tasked to come up with ANOTHER briefing for this purpose AND to also present it. So, within days I briefed the 1SG and company commander. Then the battalion CSM and XO. Then the battalion CO. Then the DISCOM XO. And so on. The kicker was that when each higher brass came to be briefed every other CSM, commander, XO, aide, etc., that I had previously briefed decided that they had to be there, too!
And, of course, they had to demonstrate THEIR expertise that they had acquired from my briefings, which soon turned a quick 10-15 minute talk into one that took 2-3 times as long with constant interruptions. I quickly learned to just stop speaking and stand quietly until I was sure the interrupting party had finished, and I would continue until the next interruption. And I would struggle not to chuckle when my WO1 OIC would roll his eyes.
Eventually, The I Corps Commander LTG Calvin A. H. Waller, fresh from designing, planning, and executing GEN Scwartzkopf's "Left Hook" attack into Iraq and Kuwait, had returned to Ft. Lewis and wanted a briefing. And, what was at one time a very spacious room for briefings was now very small and crowded on that particular day.
So, I started my standard briefing by welcoming LTG Waller (I didn't have time to welcome all the other brass. We only had about half-an-hour) and I began. Within seconds someone decided to put in their 2 cents worth and I assumed my rest position while watching the OIC's eyes again roll. (I probably chuckled in my mind). I then continued.
After about the third interruption LTG Waller turned to the crowd and said, "Gentlemen, I'm pretty sure the Staff Sergeant here is fully capable of giving this brief without your input. Let's please allow him to do so."
I swear I could have kissed that man (I might have, had he been young, attractive, and female)!
The briefing ended less than 10 minutes later. Waller shook my my hand and thanked me for the briefing and promptly left the room.
It was one of the highlights of my career.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 17 at 2022 8:51 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 08:51:40 -0400

I realize I just repeated myself with the same story. How's that for a foot-in-mouth story?

Response by CMSgt Frank Dailey made Mar 17 at 2022 10:06 AM

CMSgt Frank Dailey — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 10:06:20 -0400

I once had a By Line at the end of my signature block as a SNCO that read " Some live history, while others only read about it...which will you be?"

At my new assignment in Korea had me working for a incredible Officer. During my introduction and interview, I was asked about my background and spoke about my role in Afghanistan and Iraq. I then asked my supervisor about his background.

Well you may not find mine too interesting.... I graduated the USAF Academy and went on to complete my Masters in Military History graduated Intelligence school and then went on to teach at the Academy. My heart sank as he referred to our collaboration of the two mindsets.....

Today that Captain is a retired Col and the Chair of the Military War College at Toby Hannah Pa. He served on the staff as a joint historian for Gen Oderno in Iraq, he achieved a Doctorate of History from Queens College. I am a retired Chief with a MS in Psychology and Counseling and I am a lot less cocky!

Response by PO1 Sandra Stayer made Mar 17 at 2022 10:16 AM

PO1 Sandra Stayer — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 10:16:05 -0400

One early dark morning as I was entering the building to start my day at the front desk I spryly say to the other coworkers entering with me, "Gotta keep coming back till we get it right" I look to see who else is entering with me because what I said was able to be heard by all. It was the Service Center Manager.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 17 at 2022 11:03 AM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 11:03:12 -0400

I was in Navy Boot Camp and it was the first day that the RDC's (Recruit Division Commander) that they could punish us with physical activities. I was in the process doing my laundry near my bunk and 2 RDC was close by taking about something and I could not hold in my laughter any longer and made a noise. They herd it and turned around and told me start some pushups, at about 20 the realized I could pump out several and so they started to tell me when to go up and down and I was also told how far I need to go up and down and hold it, like 1/2 way up/down, quarter of the way down, 3/4 away up. Good thing I was fit, because I think I pumped out 70 or so push-ups before they got tired of me and decided to go to my locker and pull everything out so I had to refold everything. Good thing this didn't bother me either but I didn't laugh this time until they was back in their office.

Response by Dusty Orlando made Mar 17 at 2022 1:20 PM

Dusty Orlando — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 13:20:05 -0400

In the 90s I worked with a company who sent an employee named Candy for training on our systems. I spent 5 days working with her. I introduced her to everyone, and tried to make her feel at home.

On her last day at my office, she pulled me aside and said “Please tell me why everyone keeps calling me Candy? My name is Beth!”

"Stop trying to confuse me, Candy!"

Response by SGT Lisa Wu made Mar 17 at 2022 3:19 PM

SGT Lisa Wu — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 15:19:54 -0400

Was in the field and some guy from another unit snuck in our gp medium and acquired our heating unit.... while there were 2 guys posted directly to the side of it (in a connex)......

Response by Cpl Tyler F. made Mar 17 at 2022 3:26 PM

Cpl Tyler F. — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 15:26:51 -0400

I was on firewatch one night down South during some combat training in Cali. It was bootcamp, so when a Sergeant addresses you directly, it's a whole 'nother world.

I'm at the main hatch, and the third or fourth hat (whom I generally respect when not hating for grinding my soul into the Earth) squares up with me on the other side of the firewatch post's desk. It has to be passed midnight, and the look on his face was sobering, to say the least.

While looking through my soul - directly passed my eyes- His left hand broke the symmetry of clenched fists on hips as he raised one of those fists to my throat in a "death claw" shape that only a devil dog born and raised in Brooklyn could do.

I knew enough at this point to remain cool, calm and have a collected composure regardless of circumstance, so naturally I just stood there staring straight ahead, but remaining vigilant to any incoming lawful orders or just general statements that might brighten up a rather odd night.

The DI's hand still hovering inches from my jugular, I decided I needed to take action in the face of this UN-aggravated threat of assault: I leaned forward and put my neck flush into his outstretched grasp.
His eyes got BIG
He WRENCHED back his hand
and then he asked the question.... (verbally lobbing an under handed toss my way)
he asked, "Where did you know to do that from?"
..."I saw it in a movie, Sgt.," I responded.

He tilted the brim of his cover and hid his smirk.

After regaining his composure, he said a few other choice things to change the subject, but the memory had been made and would last me a lifetime.

So needless to say, I was the "Hollywood Marine" among Hollywood Marines having been trained on the West coast... too bad for me, I was from Michigan, and HATED the desert.

P.S. I did enjoy the issued sunglasses, though.

-TJ

Response by SPC Darrell Garren made Mar 17 at 2022 4:55 PM

SPC Darrell Garren — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 16:55:45 -0400

I grew up doing a lot of running in the hills of east TN. When I got to basic training at Ft. Knox I had no problem running up and down Agony and Misery aside from a slower pace than I was used to running. One morning on our PT run the Drill Sergeant called for anyone who thought they could outrun him up the hill to break ranks and go for it. My moment to shine quickly turned to regret when I got halfway up and realized what a dumb thing I had just done. When the rest of the platoon reached the top they had the pleasure of sitting and watching me run back down and up enough times to firmly convince me my running prowess had no place in a team environment.

Response by SPC Cheryl Williams made Mar 17 at 2022 5:58 PM

SPC Cheryl Williams — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 17:58:09 -0400

At 0600, after a night without sleep, I went to the convivence store to get a coffee and a bottle of water. While waiting for my coffee order, I walked down one of the isles. There were 12 different types of condoms, male enhancement products, and other health items. I went up to the clerk to express my concern about the male dominated sales approach and asked, "Where is the KY Gel?"

Response by PO2 Joan MacNeill made Mar 17 at 2022 6:53 PM

PO2 Joan MacNeill — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 18:53:19 -0400

Not verbal, but potentially embarrassing at best, disastrous at worst. On a surface ship, my entering-port station was at the main electrical board. I responded to my training when seeing one of the on-line generators' ammeter at zero, by tripping it. That left one generator to maintain load, so ok, but risky. Then I realized I had looked at the wrong ammeter. Quickly synched and reclosed that unit's breaker, no harm done. Only one other, junior, person standing with me didn't have a clue, but I humbly explained my error, to train him, I suppose. No wrath of God followed, so all was well. But I still get scared thinking of what would have happened if, entering port, our electrical power was lost We all need these things to keep us humble...

Response by Sherry Eichler made Mar 17 at 2022 8:10 PM

Sherry Eichler — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 20:10:17 -0400

The very first time my husband said I love you he immediately said "I don't mean that!" Needless to say I was pretty blown away. He saved the day by immediately saying "Yes, I do mean that. I love you more than anything!" Two months later we were married. It's now been 44 years, 3 children and 4 grandchildren since that blessed day and even though I lost him 4 years ago I still feel that love around me and believe I always will.

Response by PFC Nick Parisi made Mar 18 at 2022 6:16 AM

PFC Nick Parisi — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 06:16:25 -0400

While in airborne school I left formation to assist an NCO with a detail. When I returned I had a question for a specialist and without any thought ran up to him, slapped him on the back, and asked him when we would be done for the day. As I finished my statement, I realized the entire formation as well as several black-hats were staring at me. I had interrupted the specialist’s promotion ceremony to Corporal. I was later given an ear full about situational awareness. I still feel baaad. Sorry Corporal.

Response by Maj Daniel Bruce made Mar 18 at 2022 10:15 AM

Maj Daniel Bruce — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 10:15:00 -0400

When I was on staff at 13th Air Force at Andersen AFB, Guam, we hosted a multinational exercise simulating a coordinated response to a major natural disaster in the Pacific AOR. Two officers from about a dozen countries participated in the planning at Andersen. I was basically their "gopher boy", making sure they got from one place to the next and ensuring they had what they needed.

The exercise was underway September 11, 2001. (Although on Guam it was actually early morning on the 12th that those terrible events unfolded.) The exercise continued despite the heightened security response and other measures enacted due to the attacks.

On the morning of the 12th, I went to the dining facility to make sure the officers there got on the bus taking them to the planning area, which ended up being the attendees from India and Japan.

While we were waiting for the bus, the senior Indian officer offered his condolences about the tragedy that became simply "9/11". I really didn't know what to say as I was as shocked as everyone else over the horror of the attack and was just trying to process it all. Life had vastly changed literally overnight.

So, I just blurted out, "Yeah, it's the worst thing to happen to us since Pearl Harbor."

Of course, the Japanese officers were standing right there.

Response by PO2 Edward Trevino made Mar 18 at 2022 3:44 PM

PO2 Edward Trevino — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 15:44:06 -0400

I was a Data Systems Tech at a Top Secret ASW (Anti-Submarine Warfare) operations center in Bermuda in the '80's when Sen. John McCain stopped by for a visit. Our building was comprised a number of trailers welded in a circle and not on any map of Bermuda. Though the Senator also had a Top Secret clearance; he did not have a (Need to Know) of our current operations so all our operational maps were covered up before his inspection. A Petty Officer was on desk door duty watching though our TV camera aimed at the street from our barb-wire fencing. Our Commander gave Senator McCain the tour through all the rooms circling back to reception. The last door opened up behind the Door Watch. I was sitting in Reception when the Door Watch said to me, "Is that damn Senator gone yet? I have to go to the bathroom!" Sen. McCain and the Commander were already coming through the door behind him. The Senator leaned in behind the Door Watches ear and said, "No, Son, I'm still here." The Door Watches face turned tomato red. Senator McCain and our Commander exchanged last minute comments and we could see them both walk out to the black car at the end of the sidewalk. The Commander returned alone and said to the Door Watch," Petty Officer Brown, the Senator wants me to let you know that he's gone now."

Response by PO2 Anthony Schmidt made Mar 18 at 2022 5:46 PM

PO2 Anthony Schmidt — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 17:46:32 -0400

While visiting a friend who had help me get into a management position, as my wife and I were being invited into their home, I asked his wife if she was expecting, she said " No."

Response by PO2 Randy Hale made Mar 18 at 2022 8:19 PM

PO2 Randy Hale — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 20:19:59 -0400

Shortly after reporting to NAS Oceana for training as a Plane Captain for f-14s, I was in line to pick up my pay check. I noticed a Chief standing behind the others who were seated, handing out our checks.
He asked a question I had answered a thousand times, " where are you from"?
Instead of naming the extremely small town I was raised in and then trying to help him understand where that town is located.
So, I answered, "Virginia". He looked a little disturbed, and said, "Where in Virginia"? I replied, "near Bristol". Now at this time, the Chief was beginning to turn a little red and asked again, " son, what is the name of the town you lived in in Virginia"?
Knowing that no one to this point had any clue when I said the name of my hometown, and feeling a little cocky, I replied "Dante, Va, D-A-N-T=E, Dante (pronounced d-ant) do you know where that is"?
the Chief smiled and said, "yes it is located in Russell County, Just outside St. Paul".
After receiving my check, we then talked a while and he explained how he knew this. He was from a town about 30 miles away from Dante and his wife was from a town 45 miles away.
I learned that day to NEVER assume!

Response by PO2 Tim McWhorter made Mar 19 at 2022 11:17 AM

PO2 Tim McWhorter — Sat, 19 Mar 2022 11:17:07 -0400

One night at North Island across the bay from San Diego we were assigned to maintain the Sikorsky Seahawk Helicopters in the fleet assigned to HS-10. Working the night shift sailors always drank a lot of coffee between working off the work orders placed by the maintenance control office. We had an old salty Senior Chief who had already put in over 20 years of service that would disperse the work orders to the assigned departments whom he deemed had the skills to correct the issues before the next morning's flights were to commence. Well my coffee cup went missing and I had learned to put an identifiable mark on my styrofoam cup so as not to have it misplaced or stolen by another swaby. After checking our work department to no avail I found myself in the maintenance control office. Low and behold our Sr. Chief was holding my coffee cup and I informed him, with respect he had mistakenly picked up my cup and I would like to have it back. Well he said, "Mac, this is my coffee cup so leave me alone we have work to do." Well I had tried to be nice and respectful to start with, but now my southern charm had turned to a bit of, "Oh Hell No Sr. Chief, that's my damn coffee cup, because that mark on the side of it I put on there when I got here this evening, so give it back to me." He then responded with one of those shit eating smiles, unzipped his pants, reached in pulled out his tallywacker, and commenced rubbing it around the inside of the top of that cup and then the top outside of the cup and said, "OK Mac, you caught me, here's your cup back," and reached out his hand to me holding the cup. Then I replied, "OH NO Sr. Chief, my bad, that ain't my cup, that's YO Cup."

Response by 2LT Gordon Israelson made Mar 19 at 2022 5:03 PM

2LT Gordon Israelson — Sat, 19 Mar 2022 17:03:33 -0400

I decided to build a house instead of buying one already built. I drew up the plans, hired a builder and got the job started. When it came time to buy the kitchen cabinets I drew up the arrangement I wanted and took my plans to several kitchen cabinet suppliers. When I presented the plans to one man he disdainfully asked "What idiot drew up these plans?". I answered "I did." We did not stay long at his store.

Response by SCPO John Fening made Mar 20 at 2022 3:06 AM

SCPO John Fening — Sun, 20 Mar 2022 03:06:34 -0400

The Change of Command ceremony had just finished and we (Senior Enlisted from E-6 and above) were in-line to greet the new Commanding Officer. When we (my Division Officer, the Leading Chief and several E-6's me included) finally reached the new CO and introduced ourselves. When he heard my name he turned to me and asked, "Why are all your enlisted men hitting on my wife?" OK, now I know enough not to response to this question but look at him with a blank face of disbelief. You see the new CO looked twenty years older than his wife who looked in her 20's as seen by a simple MM-1/ss. When I responded and attempted explained that they thought that the lovely lady standing at his side was his daughter and not his wife whom we thought was in her twenty's. This fine lady saved me by stating to her husband, "Guess I have a date with 18 men see you later." You can almost see what a fine glare I got from the CO at her remark before they both broke out laughing. Needless to say my very red face was not missed by her at all...

Response by CPO Gary Bank made Mar 22 at 2022 11:57 AM

CPO Gary Bank — Tue, 22 Mar 2022 11:57:58 -0400

I was working as an instructor at Coast Guard Recruit Training, Cape May NJ. Every friday recruit graduation was held. As I walked past the guests arriving for the ceremony, I saw a man in his Army uniform and thought I'd say hello. As I greeted him, his wife said "What did you do to my daughter?" Thinking fast, I replied "Nothng but the best things Mam" (Latter as I thought about this I realized that she had not seen HER daughter, but other women in uniform with a smart bearing.

Response by CPO Gary Bank made Mar 22 at 2022 12:45 PM

CPO Gary Bank — Tue, 22 Mar 2022 12:45:16 -0400

As an instructor at Coast Guard Recruit training, I was passing people arriving for the usual friday graduation. I saw a man in an Army uniform and thought I'd say hello, as I did so, his wife said "What did you do to my daughter?" Thinking fast, I said "Nothing but the best things Mam." She replied "Well I can see that." (as I thought about this, I realized that she hadn't yet seen HER daughter, just others in uniform and smart military bearing).

Response by 1SG Sparky Sparky made Mar 23 at 2022 6:09 PM

1SG Sparky Sparky — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 18:09:21 -0400

I was an E-5 in a company and we had a new company Commander come in and do is in processing and took each soldier that he could on a sidebar and ask him a little about them self's and we started speaking about girls and I told him I didn't like Koreans because they smell like kimchi and had big heads come to find out he was married to one

Response by LTC Melody Pennenga-Thomas made Mar 23 at 2022 6:26 PM

LTC Melody Pennenga-Thomas — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 18:26:02 -0400

As a brand new LT, I was part of training out in the field. As I came out of my tent, I spotted the BN Sergeant Major walking the area with his First Sergeants. I came bouncing up to him and asked, “Hey, Sarge. When’s lunch?” If looks could kill, I would have been a very charred lump of coal.

Response by SFC Marvin Moore made Mar 23 at 2022 7:17 PM

SFC Marvin Moore — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 19:17:06 -0400

At Fort Bliss I was talking about a change in the PT policy where your Rank had to be on your PT Belt to the Brigade CSM. I said I heard it was because someone chewed a COL out. He replied “That someone was me.” I wanted to get away.

Response by Sgt Dave VonAllmen made Mar 23 at 2022 8:03 PM

Sgt Dave VonAllmen — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 20:03:14 -0400

I'm not sure this quality's as a foot in mouth story and at the time I didn't think it was too funny but looking back on it over the years and recalling it many times I sure have gotten a lot of laughs out of it.
So it was the second day in basic in the Air Force 1970 at Lackland. We march over to the Green Monster to get all our uniforms and stuff and there must be 500 guys in there and DI's yelling at everybody and guy's going through lines getting their stuff and stripping down and putting stuff on and putting their civies in bags and putting their OD's on and there I am in just my brand new first pair of boxers I have ever worn because I've always worn whittie titties and the loudest scariest voice anyone has ever heard in there life yells at me "HEY BOY COME HERE!" and of course you could hear a pin drop in the entire building and everything stops to see what the head of the Green Monster is yelling about. I slither over to the CMS or whatever he was, my eyes were glazed over by now, hoping everything will go back to normal and nobody is paying attention to me anymore, but no you could still hear a pin drop. He orders me to jump up on the table in the middle of the entire room so everyone can see me so he can make an example of me, keep in mind I still have no idea what I have done to upset this person so bad. I get up on the table and he asks me where I am from and I tell him Ohio and he asks me if everyone from Ohio is as stupid as me and of course no matter what I say it's wrong. This goes on for a while and everyone is having quite a good time at my expense and finally he tells me I have my boxers on backwards and makes me change them standing on the table. All that because I put my boxers on backwards. At that point he was done humiliating me and yelled at me to get back in line and keep moving and stop holding up the line. I guess that's how he got his jollies by picking on some unsuspecting newbie.

Response by SGT John Tedford made Mar 23 at 2022 9:30 PM

SGT John Tedford — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 21:30:56 -0400

Now that sounds more like the real thing TOP. Hahaha.

Response by SP5 Bob Kauppi made Mar 23 at 2022 10:42 PM

SP5 Bob Kauppi — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 22:42:41 -0400

While on guard duty late one night, I heard someone aprouch. I said, "halt, what is the password?" The response came back as "superman". I said "then fly your ass over here and be identified." It was my CO and he was not impressed with my humor.

Response by GySgt Glen Silva made Mar 23 at 2022 11:06 PM

GySgt Glen Silva — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 23:06:11 -0400

I am sure there are plenty of times I “should have put my foot in mouth”, problem is I am having a hard time remembering a specific incident. Forgive me, I tried.

Response by PFC Pamela Terry made Mar 24 at 2022 12:33 AM

PFC Pamela Terry — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 00:33:58 -0400

When I was a rather obnoxious youth (I enlisted right after high school), I was stationed at Battalion level. We had a Captain there (I won't name him) who was short...very short. One day, the Battalion XO came in looking for him because there was a meeting he was supposed to be at. XO asked me if I had seen said captain. My response was (and I said this with a straight face) that said captain had sat in his chair and shrank away to nothing. Needless to say, XO wasn't at all amused.

Response by SN William Culotta made Mar 24 at 2022 6:24 AM

SN William Culotta — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 06:24:26 -0400

I tried to join the Coast Guard Reserves to avoid Vietnam. I passed all tests including physical and was told I would probably be a stationed at the US Coast Guard Academy (My Home town) at a desk job. However I could not pass the eye Examination and was refused. I hate to admit it but I was happy! When I went for my draft physical I was 1A and Vietnam was breathing down my neck. Late 1965 was not a good year. A friend suggested I try the Navy Reserves so it was, Deja vu, all over again, so to speak, but the First Class Corpsman was drunk as a skunk and I passed the eye test. Two years at sea was good for me! However, one year of meetings later I reported to Brooklyn Navy Yard for my two year assignment and received my orders to USN-MCB-71. I was confused and had never heard of a boat of that sort! When told by an officer "Son you are going to Vietnam!!! I was mortified ! No jail or Canada was in my future though. I had never seen The Fighting Seabees, as John Wayne was not my choice of actor. I know one must think I am not patriotic on two fronts. Not the case, if it were WW-II I would have joined willingly. All in all Uncle Sam sent me on an all inclusive expense paid vacation assignment to Chu Lai Vietnam! I was a Radar O'Reillyl. The lessons are: "Do not stand next to me in a thunder storm!" and ' Be careful what you wish for!" I had several nicknames, my two favorites were "Owl Eyes" & "Marion The Librarian"! This is a true story.....
You can't make this stuff up! Bill Culotta...For those who might think I am unpatriotic, I have broad shoulders and you can have at me! [login to see] Stay Well & Strive For Happiness Bill

Response by PO2 Colleen Fraser made Mar 24 at 2022 7:09 AM

PO2 Colleen Fraser — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 07:09:21 -0400

During gym time a CT3 came in and the chief I was there with asked the man "how do you like your new car", the only problem was that chief came from the deep south and it sounded like "how do you lock your new car". The poor CT3 looked confused and replied "by pushing the button down", I laughed so hard and this went back and forth a couple of times before I intervened and interpreted the question. It turns out that the car in question was both loved and simple to lock! The Navy, a melting pot of accents!

Response by COL Bill Gibson made Mar 24 at 2022 8:56 AM

COL Bill Gibson — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 08:56:38 -0400

When I was stationed in Hawaii, my best friend and newlywed wife came to visit us. Neither of them had ever visited Hawaii before and his wife was so excited, The night before they were due to leave from TX she called me asking for advice on what to wear, etc. We spoke on the phone for nearly an hour. As we said our goodbyes and wished her a safe trip I ended the conversation by saying what sounded like “I look forward to laying you as soon as you arrive!”. She immediately hung up the phone. Two minutes later my best friend called me cursing me out and said our friendship was over. After what seemed like forever to calm him down, I finally had the chance to explain to him that it is customary in Hawaii to give people a Lei (beautiful Hawaiian flower) at Honolulu international airport and place it around their neck as a way of expressing Aloha! In other words, you get “leid”. Guess I should have explained that up front! We’re still best friends and it’s all good. She was a bit nervous though when I put a Lei around her neck at the airport., her look was such like she was trying to tell me to get that filthy thing away from me! Aloha!

Response by PO3 Michael McKinley made Mar 24 at 2022 9:41 AM

PO3 Michael McKinley — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 09:41:04 -0400

I was critiquing some work with a fellow shipmate in my shop and casually replied, "Good enough for government work." Behind me there was a small cough, I turned around to see my Division Officers standing no more than an arm length away. He asked me to explain myself.

Response by MAJ John Davis made Mar 24 at 2022 9:57 AM

MAJ John Davis — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 09:57:22 -0400

My father in law was a veteran of the 101st Airborne's drop into Holland, during Operation Market Garden. I asked him if he saw the movie, "A Bridge too Far"? "No", he said, "I saw the play."

Response by PFC Leonard Cameron made Mar 24 at 2022 10:59 AM

PFC Leonard Cameron — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 10:59:16 -0400

This will sound racist but it was a different time and a different world. Folks were not as sensitive in 1990-91.
Shortly before the ceasefire of the first Gulf War a new group of soldiers joined our unit in Iraq. I was told there was an E5 with them that was from Mississippi. Well I was looking forward to meeting him and talking about home. After a few days we meet (he was E5, I was E2) he was was strange to me to be from Mississippi. He didn't have that Southern hospitality. That down home way I was expecting.
When I asked were in Mississippi he come from? He said Canton. I laughed. My old people use to tell me growing up Canton is where black people were made ( I know it's racist as hell but it was the 70s and 80s deep south).
So I say to him, I've never met a white from Canton I thought they only made black folks there. He said my wife is from Canton, she's black and I'm from Chicago.

Response by Capt John Lonergan made Mar 24 at 2022 1:07 PM

Capt John Lonergan — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 13:07:29 -0400

When I was 27 years old and a Squadron Commander at Lowry AFB in 1968 I had the dubious duty to adjudicate claims for disability separation for Airmen who received an injury while stationed in my squadron. I had one case where an Airman was seeking discharge for a back injury he sustained while on active duty. the injury was to his back and he could not stand erect due to pain and restriction caused from the accident. He went through all the medical regimen and even through JAG and psychiatric, It was finally determined after a couple months he should be discharged . When that day came I was the person to deliver his discharge papers and when I did, he stood at attention perfectly straight with his discharge in hand gave me a perfect salute, and walked away. I had a sinking feeling I had been duped by a very consummate actor john Lonergan service dates Nov 1966 to Jul 1071.

Response by Capt Brandon Charters made Mar 24 at 2022 2:52 PM

Capt Brandon Charters — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 14:52:13 -0400

Our AFROTC detachment took a "field trip" to Nellis AFB to see the Thunderbirds Squadron and meet some of the personnel around the base. During one of the leadership lecture sessions from a MSgt, one of the cadets was called on for a question...he asked something to the effect of "How do you go about earning the respect of your NCOs and 'little people' like junior enlisted?"

Response by PO2 Duane Mcgowan made Mar 24 at 2022 4:06 PM

PO2 Duane Mcgowan — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 16:06:23 -0400

I was an E-3 Airman attached to an Air Control Squadron based at NAS Miramar back in the mid 80's. We had a rather pretty supply officer with a rank of LT. She had gotten our squadron an old jeep so we could use it on base to take care of the daily business, transport personnel, etc. I was in the 1st LT division and myself and my immediate supervisor a Petty Officer 1st Class were going over the Jeep to make sure it ran good. Changing the oil, plugs, radiator fluid, etc. My superior was under the hood doing who knows what and he turns to me and says "Hey Duane, go ask LT ****** for a pair of fallopion tubes." I said, "Yeah right, not today." He turns to me again and with a straight face and no expression on his face says, "No really that is what these are called, I kid you not." He is holding a pair of rubber hoses while saying this to me. "OK" I said. I walk to her office knock on the open door and not seeing almost all of my Squadron behind me I say to her, " LT *****, RM1 asked me to get 2 fallopion tubes from you." She says, "Well, yes, I have 2 but YOU can't one!" That is when everybody behind me erupted in laughter and it was then and there that I realized that I have been pranked.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 24 at 2022 6:43 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 18:43:52 -0400

One more story.
I was in the National Guard when we were activated to go to OIF. We moved to Ft. Bragg for predeployment training. The weekend before our move to Iraq we had a unit cookout/family day. My wife and our 16 year old daughter, and 14YO son, all made the drive up from South Carolina.
The CO was at National Guard Bureau for a number of years before returning to the unit and assuming command of the unit, and while in DC had married a local stripper. At the cookout she was alongside her husband wearing a tied-in-front shirt, short shorts, and platform heals looking like every teenage boy's dream. As my family was sitting at a picnic table under a shelter out of the summer sun, the CO and wife strolled by.
Once they passed, my daughter blurts out, "Who's that hoochie mama?"

Response by SP6 Emily Blaine made Mar 24 at 2022 7:47 PM

SP6 Emily Blaine — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 19:47:21 -0400

I volunteer at our local VA. One day I was at my desk and I was talking to 2 other volunteers. They asked me if I could tell the difference between the twins (Helen and Susie), that worked at the front desk. I told them yes, they are not identical and their personalities are different. They both said that that was interesting, they couldn't tell them apart, but it was Helen's birthday and they wanted to wish her happy birthday. I looked at them for a second and responded that they were twins, they can wish them both happy birthday. At that moment they both had their foot in their mouths. True story. I laughed so hard i was crying!

Response by CPL Victoria Montenegro made Mar 24 at 2022 8:00 PM

CPL Victoria Montenegro — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 20:00:53 -0400

This one is titled: how I learned Ludacris' real name. I had been injured while in Iraq by an efp and needed multiple surgeries on my hand at Walter Reed on a ward notorious for celebrity visits. One day public relations for the hospital came and asked if I wanted to meet Ludacris and his mom and I said, "Of course! I love his music!" Mind you this was ON mother's day and his mom was WITH him. Fast forward about 20 minutes and some painkillers later and the public relations gentleman came in and said loudly "who's ready to meet Christopher Bridges?" To which I replied (with Ludacris right outside my door) "Who the hell is Christopher Bridges?" Welllll.... apparently Ludacris is Christopher Bridges. Over 10 years later and many nights cringing, I will never forget Luda's name.

Response by 1SG Shawn Gibson made Mar 24 at 2022 11:26 PM

1SG Shawn Gibson — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 23:26:37 -0400

During my 1SG duty just got off the phone with my wife and immediately got a call from a female NCO in S-1. Right before I hung the phone up I said love you then bye.
Realized what I did as I hung the phone up.
We both laughed when I called back and apologized.

Once going on just a little sleep, showed up to morning PT. A young SPC walked up to me and said hey 1SG your winter PT pants are on backwards. Geez

I'm sure many others and some I can't post Haha

Response by Col Michael Crites made Mar 25 at 2022 10:10 AM

Col Michael Crites — Fri, 25 Mar 2022 10:10:39 -0400

After retiring from the Marine Corps, I worked as an Army Civilian for the Human Terrain System and was attached to a combat brigade in Afghanistan. In order to inspire the trust and confidence of Afghan village elders, I dressed and groomed (long white beard) like them. One day the Brigade Commander told a large group of his soldiers he didn't want any of them going in the mosques. One sergeant raised his hand and said "How come Crites (me) gets to go in the mosque?" The commander replied, "because they think he is the mullah."

Response by Col Michael Crites made Mar 25 at 2022 10:10 AM

Col Michael Crites — Fri, 25 Mar 2022 10:10:52 -0400

Response by Cpl Dennis Morrill made Mar 26 at 2022 12:38 PM

Cpl Dennis Morrill — Sat, 26 Mar 2022 12:38:54 -0400

I was a Cpl. in the USMC & probably screwed up somewhere there too, but my best or worse (foot in mouth) situation was after my service time, while serving as a Cop in California! I had one reserve officer that I had broken in & he really liked me! One day the rest of my crew was ragging on him while he was in another room! i jump on the band wagon & was dissing him & saying how I had sold him a small tv & he never paid me & more! When he walks in the room! Stone silence in the room, he had heard me! Instead of being mad at me, he walks over & gives me the $25 he owed me & handed me a special 49er coin he had ordered in the mail for me in a little case! He had a tear in his eye & left the room! I didn't know what to say, I had hurt a friend for nothing! (El Foot in mouth)

Cpl. Dennis A. Morrill (USMC)

Response by PFC Gregory White made Mar 26 at 2022 6:27 PM

PFC Gregory White — Sat, 26 Mar 2022 18:27:56 -0400

Pork chop

Response by SSG Darrel Marks made Mar 28 at 2022 5:46 PM

SSG Darrel Marks — Mon, 28 Mar 2022 17:46:28 -0400

After engineer training at Ft, Belvoir, Va., in 1966, and having studied German Language seven years in Parochial & high school, I was placed in charge of getting a dozen recruits safely through the large airport in Frankfurt, Germany. My first official act as "German Speaker" was to direct the entire bunch into the wrong restroom, eliciting hoots and groans from the women standing at the sinks. Darrel Marks/ medically retired Staff Sergeant/18th Engr Bde/Tuiy Hoa, South Vietnam

Response by SP5 Michael Schaeffer made Mar 29 at 2022 4:22 AM

SP5 Michael Schaeffer — Tue, 29 Mar 2022 04:22:54 -0400

Best foot in mouth. Telling the North Little Rock AR Ft Roots domiciliary that I'm suing them Thier nurses and doctors. Lol my foot in Thier mouths because they provided me the evidence.

Response by CPL David Reed made Mar 31 at 2022 8:16 AM

CPL David Reed — Thu, 31 Mar 2022 08:16:53 -0400

After an exhausting day of working in the motor pool washing and painting vehicles for a battalion inspection, the company commander decided to have a uniform inspection prior to dismissing the unit for the evening.
I of course was soaked from head to toe with blotches of paint on my face and uniform. The Captain looked at me, then looked at my section sergeant and said, "why doesn't your uniform look as sharp and crisp as your supervisors." With respect, I responded - "I earned my days pay today sir."
USA - Darmstadt, Germany 1988

Response by RallyPoint News made Apr 4 at 2022 11:08 AM

RallyPoint News — Mon, 04 Apr 2022 11:08:42 -0400

Congratulations to MSG Thomas Currie, Sgt Richard Bowden, PO2 Jon Finley, SPC Ben Jeffrey, and PO2 Michael Leppelman. You've all won a $100 Amazon gift card! An e-gift card will be sent to the email address associated with your RallyPoint account.

Thanks to all who participated and shared!

Response by SSG James Engols made Apr 22 at 2022 2:28 PM

SSG James Engols — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 14:28:52 -0400

I was in Kuwait working on the company's commanders truck and he asked me why won't it start? Me being a funny guy said someone stole you carburetor :) He yelled at the top of he lungs Who ever stole my carburetor, better bring it back . in front of about 500 troops, I almost died it was a diesel truck.

Response by PO2 Paul Dempsey made Apr 23 at 2022 12:00 PM

PO2 Paul Dempsey — Sat, 23 Apr 2022 12:00:30 -0400

I was serving on the USS Blandy DD 943. Her CO was Captain Straight. A fresh boot was serving his first bridge watch at the Helm. As was protocol he asked the to relive the current helman and assume the watch. I was standing duty as the captains phone talker. All was normal until the CO ordered a course change. The young boot acknowledged the course changed and announced loud and clear Aye Aye Captain Spanky coming to course what ever it was. The CO did resemble Spanky from the old Spanky and our gang show. Hence it was the crews pet name for him. Needless to say the bridge went dead silent. Calmly the CO asked the young sailor if he knew what his name was. The polywog loud clear responded with Aye Aye Captain its Spanky sir. With a hint of a smile the CO responded with "for future refence my name is Captain straight please address as such in the future". No discipline or harsh words from the CO he was a good man as well a a good Captain. But we all had a good laugh when off the bridge and took great fun in sharing it with our shipmates. Needless to say the young boot was forever reminded of this gaff but we all took turns while on liberty buying him a drink.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 23 at 2022 5:12 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 23 Apr 2022 17:12:33 -0400

SNSTIW, in Italy in 2002. I had just PCSed there, and been in my unit for maybe a week.

Back then I wore glasses exclusively, and my eyesight wasn't that great without them.

I was in my shop, when suddenly someone came in. Never seen him before, nobody in the shop addresses him, and I didn't have my glasses on so I couldn't see the rank or name on his BDUs.

He tells me to come here, and I say out loud, "who is this guy?"

'That guy' was the company XO.

Response by CW2 Scott Quaife made Apr 28 at 2022 11:34 PM

CW2 Scott Quaife — Thu, 28 Apr 2022 23:34:24 -0400

So at a time long, long ago I was a wee little pup (26) at Basic in Relaxin Jackson. This young wise ass thought it would be smooth to push the boundaries. During shower time after PT , Barack’s curtain closed, a fellow platoon member says hey can someone close the curtain all the way. Well we had a short, feisty female drill. Well not knowing she might be in the office I sounded off, Hey what are you worried about Drill Sgt So and So seeing your naked, scrawny ass”. Well as you might guess, she was in the office with the door open. Yea, she heard every word. I’m 6’3” mind you and she was right at 5 ft. That was an interesting ass chewing.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Apr 29 at 2022 12:30 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Fri, 29 Apr 2022 12:30:17 -0400

When I was in college there was a really cute girl in the coed dorm. I saw her one day and this rotund girl was with her. She said that is my sister. I just laughed. I really was ashamed of myself. Man she was cute.

Response by SPC Will Thorson made Jun 2 at 2022 7:51 PM

SPC Will Thorson — Thu, 02 Jun 2022 19:51:59 -0400

Mine started in the beginning. Ft Benning. Bunch of guys were wrestling in the barracks when our drill sgts came in. One of them, a black Sgt named Johnson took the place of one of the guys on top who happened to be black the guy he was on top of screamed out."GET OFF MY BACK YOU F'ING N#+G#R!! " you could have heard a pin drop among the 50 of us. Sgt johnson got up, told the the guy to follow him. And that was that. Didn't see the dude again. Don't remember his name but he was from eastern Oregon. Nit surprising. Have family out there. Racist rednecks are not only in the south. Drill Sgt johnson came back the next day and we had formation. Our platoon leader apologized for what the moron said. He just smiled and then yelled at us while we did a bunch of pushups, lol

Response by SPC Dennis Napier made Jun 29 at 2022 2:09 PM

SPC Dennis Napier — Wed, 29 Jun 2022 14:09:49 -0400

Our ADA Battery was going through a tough patch in garrison, guys getting in trouble, DUI's etc.

1SG decides we need some remedial training and team building so we head out to the field and set up camp. There are multiple stations/classrooms to review all basic soldiering tasks (NBC, First Aid, map reading, land nav etc.).

Like most things in the Army, lots of "hurry up and wait" between stations. But god forbid we just relax a few minutes between stops.

An E-5 from in my group decides to make an impromptu class while we wait. He points to me and says "SPC Napier, why don't you tell us about that weapon attached to your M16?" (I carried the M203 in my squad).

This sargent thinks he has tripped me up, but little did he know, I was quite knowledgable about my weapon.

Bringing it to "Port Arms" I proceed to state:

"Sargent, this weapon is the M203 Grenade Launcher; it is a 40mm, single shot, pump action grenade launcher attached to the M16A1 rifle and has an effective range of 350 meters. There are six types of rounds this weapon system can fire and I can name them if you'd like." and returned to "order arms".

So, I am as standing there as smug as can be becuase I have shown up this E-5 (who was from my platoon and a great guy, but the gamesmanship was on!).

He proceeds to say "OUTSTANDING! - what is the length of that weapon?"

*GULP* I have no idea

So I place my palm over the barrel and then take my other hand and place it at the trigger housing and then hold up my hands "about this big Sargent" (like i'm showing off the fish that got away).

Went from hero to zero in .2 seconds!

We all had a good laugh but I'll never forget how that SOB still stumped me in the end!

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 1 at 2022 3:31 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 01 Jul 2022 15:31:24 -0400

I'd been in the USAF well over 20 years. I'd often been the only woman on a team, and sometimes in the unit. And I was ALWAYS the shortest person in the unit. But at least I was always in the front row of all the unit photos.
We got a new commander, a woman, who was about 2 inches shorter than me. My comment? "Wow, we finally have someone shorter than me." She had no sense of humor.

Response by SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL made Sep 10 at 2022 5:55 AM

SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL — Sat, 10 Sep 2022 05:55:58 -0400

thanks for sharing