What's your best joke about another branch?

2016-05-05T21:22:23-04:00

No one but ones that serve understand why we bash other branches... What's the best thing you have?

Response by SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made May 5 at 2016 9:23 PM

2016-05-05T21:23:00-04:00

Saw this today... I couldn't help but share hahaha

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 5 at 2016 9:31 PM

2016-05-05T21:31:03-04:00

Before I joined the Army I tried to join the Marines. After much effort I could not pass the test. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't fit my head in a jar. Hahaha

Response by Maj John Bell made May 5 at 2016 9:33 PM

2016-05-05T21:33:33-04:00

A Marine and an Airmen out clubbing together, take a pee break. When they are done the Airman washes his hands before leaving the restroom. The Marine just goes to their table. When the Airman gets to the table he says "In the Air Force they teach us to wash our hands after we pee." The Marine responds "In the Marines, they teach us not to pee on our fingers."

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made May 5 at 2016 9:37 PM

2016-05-05T21:37:47-04:00

There are only two Services. The Army and the Navy. The Air Force is a Corporation and the Marines are a Cult.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made May 5 at 2016 9:46 PM

2016-05-05T21:46:09-04:00

I know it's still a ways off but OH WAIT, that doesn't really matter!!

Response by SN Greg Wright made May 5 at 2016 9:46 PM

2016-05-05T21:46:13-04:00

Air Force: Not smart enough to be Navy, too smart to be Army, not tough enough to be Marines.

Response by Maj John Bell made May 5 at 2016 9:46 PM

2016-05-05T21:46:29-04:00

An Admiral dies and arrives at heaven's gate. St Peter greets him and invites him in.
"Before I go in, are there any Marines in there? If there are Marines I'm not going in."
"Admiral, you know Marines! Of course there are no Marines in here."
The admiral enters heaven and walks about admiring the beauty of downtown metropolitan Heaven. He looks down and notices that even the gutters are lined with gold, and beautiful turquoise, malachite, and lapis lazuli inlays. Just then he hears "Make way maggot" and is violently shoved face first into the ditch. He looks up to see a Broad at the shoulders, narrow at the waist and hips Marine LtCol in dress blues with a Sam Brown Belt and Mameluke sword swaggering by.
The Admiral runs back to the gate and confronts St Peter. "You lied! You lied! There is a Marine in there."
St Peter thinks it over for a moment and then says "Oh that's just God, I forgot it is his reserve drill weekend."

Response by CW4 Guy Butler made May 5 at 2016 9:57 PM

2016-05-05T21:57:47-04:00

Not so much a joke as an observation (true story):

At Westover Air Reserve Base in Massachusetts, they play Reveille every morning at 0800 sharp.

And then they wonder why the Army and Marines make fun of them.

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made May 5 at 2016 10:10 PM

2016-05-05T22:10:19-04:00

The Marines are still looking for a few good men.

True story. I was having lunch with some Brit counterparts at the FML in Phnom Penh. I was telling this story which included "G Damn REMFs". The Brit light bird asked what that meant. Upon hearing my answer, he burst out laughing saying "You colonials have such a way with words. We call them TIPs; Tactically Insignificant Personnel."

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made May 5 at 2016 10:23 PM

2016-05-05T22:23:09-04:00

In the Army they told us it was no longer appropriate to call marines jarheads because you can put something in a jar. ;)

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made May 5 at 2016 11:05 PM

2016-05-05T23:05:11-04:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJsnEJRUjVs

Here you go SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member pretty funny video comparing Navy Seals vs Army Rangers.

Epic Rap Battle: Navy Seal vs. Army Ranger

Article 15 Clothing: http://www.art15clothing.com Song on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/navy-seals-vs-army-rangers/id789832933 Facebook: www.face...

Response by Maj John Bell made May 5 at 2016 11:08 PM

2016-05-05T23:08:38-04:00

-USMC Rules For Combat
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. But, have a plan to kill everyone, just in case.
2. Be aggressive ENOUGH, quick ENOUGH.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
5. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with at least a "4."
6. E-tools meet the requirements of 5. above
7. Any weapon worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral/diagonal movement is preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. If you aren't cheating, you aren't trying. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating or reloading.
14. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
15. Never resort to finesse when brute force will do the trick so much more impressively.

Navy Rules For Combat
1. Go to Sea
2. Drink Coffee
3. Send the Marines

Army Rules For Combat
1. Select a new beret to wear
2. Sew combat patch on right shoulder
3. Reconsider the color of beret you decide to wear
4. Send the Marines

US Air Force Rules For Combat
1. Have a cocktail
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner
3. Make sure their is ice cream mix for the soft-serve machine
4. DO NOT tell Marines about the soft-serve machine.
5. Google "what is a combat"
6. Send the Marines

Response by SSgt Alvar Lam made May 5 at 2016 11:31 PM

2016-05-05T23:31:22-04:00

Sounds about right...

Response by MSgt Richard Rountree made May 6 at 2016 3:18 AM

2016-05-06T03:18:14-04:00

Response by Amn Kim Bloodgood made May 6 at 2016 8:11 AM

2016-05-06T08:11:09-04:00

Airman speaking to a Marine: "Well at least the Air Force was intelligent enough to break away from the Army. What's your excuse?"

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 6 at 2016 9:51 AM

2016-05-06T09:51:06-04:00

Response by MSgt Richard Rountree made May 9 at 2016 8:47 AM

2016-05-09T08:47:08-04:00

My favorite toast, usually made at a Marine Corps League dinner celebrating the Marines Birthday on Nov 10th each year: "The U.S. Marines Corps, xxx years of tradition unhindered by progress!"

Response by CW2 Carl Swanson made May 9 at 2016 11:10 AM

2016-05-09T11:10:18-04:00

A ship's crew is on the beach for a party. Everyone is having a great time drinking beer, playing volleyball, eating Barbeque.
Suddenly, a Marine is seen standing on a dune overlooking the party and he starts yelling at the crew "You're a bunch of pansies, I'll kick your asses" and he walks down behind the dune.
The Captain turns to the Master Chief and says "Deal with that"
The Master Chief turns to the 3 closest guys and tells them to go kick the Marine's ass.
They haul ass over the dune and you hear screaming and yelling and see body parts flying into the air, then all goes quiet.
The Marine walks back up to the top of the dune and yells "You're a bunch of pansies, I'll kick all y'alls asses" and walks back down behind the dune.
The Captain looks sideways at the Master Chief and the Master Chief yells " you 20 guys, go kick his ass"
So they go barreling over the dune and again you hear yelling and screaming and see body parts flying into the air, then nothing.
The Marine comes strutting back up the dune and yells again "You are all such a bunch of pussies, I'll kick your asses!"
By now the Master Chief is furious and sends 200 guys over the dune.
Again, lots of yelling and screaming and body parts and then all is quiet.
Suddenly, a lone Sailor comes crawling over the top of the dune.

"Master Chief, it's a trap! There's 2 of them!"

Response by CW2 Carl Swanson made May 9 at 2016 11:12 AM

2016-05-09T11:12:53-04:00

Now having served in 2 services, I can't quite leave out one of the best Marine jokes I ever heard...

What's the easiest way to kill a Marine?

Slam the lid on the toilet while he's getting a drink!

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 9 at 2016 5:36 PM

2016-05-09T17:36:40-04:00

"The Soviets are our adversary. Our enemy is the Navy."
—Curtis LeMay, General, US Air Force

Response by PO3 Chris Wright, MBA made May 9 at 2016 10:18 PM

2016-05-09T22:18:47-04:00

Marine, my ass rides in navy equipment.
Army, ain't real men yet.
Navy, never again volunteer yourself.
Air Force, that's a branch of the military?

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made May 12 at 2016 7:51 AM

2016-05-12T07:51:05-04:00

at the bar (back in 1996) not 1/2 mile from yongsan, korea army base, 'the best kept secret in the army, the NAVY club!' Great bar, great times.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made May 12 at 2016 3:23 PM

2016-05-12T15:23:23-04:00

3 Army Soldiers are rowing down a river, singing their song "And the army goes marching along...". God heards them singing for hours and hours....and hours. God is fed up with it and decided "ya know, I'm taking away 25% of their brain; maybe it will help stop the singing." God snaps his fingers and takes away 25%. The soldiers are still rowing singing slower, "and.....the....Army...goes...marching...along." God is at a loss of words so he snaps his fingers and takes away another 25%. The soldiers are STILL Rowing and singing, even slower....."aaaaaand tthhheeee arrrmmmy goooessss mmmmmamrrcching aaaaaallloooonnnggg." God is dumbfounded and says, "that's it! I"ll take away all of their brain." God snaps his fingers.....and listens...

"FROM THE HALL OF MONTEZUMA TO THE SHORES OF TRIPOLI!!!!"

Response by SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 22 at 2016 5:53 PM

2016-08-22T17:53:26-04:00

Thought this was pretty good haha

Response by CDR Michael Goldschmidt made Aug 23 at 2016 8:39 AM

2016-08-23T08:39:44-04:00

You can join the Air Force or you can join the military, but you can't join both at the same time.

Response by COL David Turk made Aug 23 at 2016 10:42 AM

2016-08-23T10:42:33-04:00

The worst part about the marines, is that they're waisted on the Navy.

Response by SrA Richard Crumley made Aug 23 at 2016 5:52 PM

2016-08-23T17:52:32-04:00

Response by TSgt Jim Gregg made Aug 23 at 2016 7:39 PM

2016-08-23T19:39:18-04:00

My favorite joke, was when I was hanging out with Marines in Japan, a Gunny would always ask me why I joined the Air Force. I would reply that I almost joined the Marines but I couldn't pass the physical. The Gunny would look at me, and with a straight face I would say "I couldn't fit my head in a jar". My Marine friends would laugh, but the Gunny would just scowl.

Response by COL John Hudson made Aug 23 at 2016 8:47 PM

2016-08-23T20:47:32-04:00

While in the military, I was temporarily stationed at the home of Army Aviation, Ft. Rucker, Alabama, during a "Joint Military" exercise with pilots from the Army, Air Force, Navy and Marines attending. This just happened to be during the worse monsoon season ever, and the place was flooded everywhere. One of the new class of young Air Force steely-eyed jocks came to the Officer's Club but found the entire area up to the entrance stairway completely awash. An old Army pilot was standing at the railing, fishing pole in hand and bobber floating in the center of the pool. Having heard that some of those old 'Nam flyers were a bit off, he hesitatingly asked what he was doing? "Fishing," was the answer. Feeling sorry for the old bird, he invited him inside for a drink. As they stood at the warm bar sipping excellent nectar against the blowing storm outside, the jock stated, "Fishing, huh? Catch anything?" "Yep," was the reply. "You're number eight!"

Response by SGT Tim Fridley made Aug 23 at 2016 9:02 PM

2016-08-23T21:02:55-04:00

The best one I heard was told to me by a Marine Buddy. Why did God give the Marines 1 more brain cell then a horse? To keep them from shitting in the street during parades.

Response by SFC Alfred Galloway made Aug 24 at 2016 9:45 AM

2016-08-24T09:45:23-04:00

We all get shitfaced together, tell the same lies with different verbiage... hehe no fighting here *LOL*

Response by SPC James Gromley made Aug 24 at 2016 10:03 AM

2016-08-24T10:03:34-04:00

It is not truly bashing but challenging those other branches to be just as good. Also yes the Marines are a cult but still different than the Navy due to nature of their job. The Air Force is no longer part of the Army due to being reclassified, and there is also another service branch that would be the Coast Guard it differs from the Navy in the fact it only protects the coastal regions and shipping lanes where as the Navy cover the entire global region.

Response by SSG Ken Gilder made Aug 24 at 2016 1:09 PM

2016-08-24T13:09:28-04:00

The five most frightening moments in the Army:

1. When a private says "I learned this in Basic Training."

2. When a sergeant says "Trust me, sir!"

3. When a 2nd lieutenant says "Based on my experience . . . "

4. When a captain says "Ya know, I was just thinking."

5. When an old chief warrant 3 or 4, or a master warrant 5 sort of grins at you, nudges you with his elbow, and says "Hey! Watch this shit!"

Response by Capt Michael Halpin made Aug 24 at 2016 6:24 PM

2016-08-24T18:24:40-04:00

I like the one where a couple of soldiers and a couple of Marines were trying to one up each other as to which was the better service. They debated battles and generals. Finally the soldiers said the Army invented sex. To which the Marines responded "True, but Marines were the first to have sex with women!"

Response by MSgt Mike (Lobo VNV Original) Morrow made Aug 24 at 2016 7:33 PM

2016-08-24T19:33:31-04:00

MARINES = Muscles are required intelligence not essential. Heard this one when I was about 8; my Dad was a Master Chief - retired with 22 years. He told me he would dis-own me when I told him I was considering joining the Marines, this was in 1963.

Response by 1SG Jack Crutcher made Aug 25 at 2016 8:24 PM

2016-08-25T20:24:06-04:00

As a Marine stationed in Okinawa I decided to take a walk thru the village. I came across a little store that had a sign saying, Marie brains 25 cent an ounce, Navy brains $2.00 an ounce, Air Force brains $3.00 an ounce, and Army LT brains $25.00 an ounce. I was offended and asked the store clerk why the LT brains cost so much more than anyone else. His reply was "do you know how many LT s it take to get an ounce of brains.

Response by SGT Mary G. made Aug 30 at 2016 11:11 PM

2016-08-30T23:11:04-04:00

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don’t speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase “secure the building”.
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 20 at 2016 5:45 PM

2016-09-20T17:45:24-04:00

Q: Do you know why the Navy has Marines onboard ship?

A: Sheep would be to obvious...

Response by SPC James Gromley made Oct 6 at 2016 4:01 PM

2016-10-06T16:01:59-04:00

The best one I have heard goes like this; A Marine Capt. walks into the restroom, steps up to the urinal to relive himself. To his left is a army Sgt. just finishing the same thing. as he steps back and heads for the door walking past the sinks and not stopping, the marine Cpt. calls out to him. " Hey, Solider, did the Army not teach you to wash your hands when using the latrine?" With out missing a beat the Sgt. replies, " No Sir, They taught me how not to go on my hands, Sir."

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 7 at 2016 10:40 PM

2016-10-07T22:40:49-04:00

Response by PO3 Ricky Foster made Oct 22 at 2016 2:11 PM

2016-10-22T14:11:17-04:00

As a Naval Corpsman assigned to the USMC, I was often asked why I didn't just "nut up" and join the Marines. My answer was always the same: "I tried, but I passed my ASVAB test".

Response by SPC James Anderson made Oct 22 at 2016 2:47 PM

2016-10-22T14:47:50-04:00

Why did god give Marines one more brain cell then a horse, so they don't crap in the streets during parades!

Response by SPC Brent Blair made Oct 22 at 2016 3:56 PM

2016-10-22T15:56:17-04:00

Muscles
Are
Required
Intelligence
Not
Expected

Response by MAJ Brad Rather made Oct 22 at 2016 4:12 PM

2016-10-22T16:12:06-04:00

how do you confuse a Marine? Give him an option!

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 22 at 2016 11:24 PM

2016-10-22T23:24:18-04:00

Went in to take the ASVAB for the Marines, they handed us a sheaf of papers, and told us to make sure all 10 were there. Counted mine out and informed the test administrator I only had 9. He kicked me out and sent me to the Air Force recruiter, with the note "Excessive Proficiency and unwillingness to assume everything is okay."

Response by PV2 Virgil Bowen made Oct 23 at 2016 12:42 AM

2016-10-23T00:42:05-04:00

An Army guy and Navy guy were standing at the urinals after a few min the Army guy buttons up and starts to leave, the Navy Guy shouts out ( in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands after taking a leak) the Army guy responds ( in the Army they teach us not to piss on our hands)

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 23 at 2016 6:56 AM

2016-10-23T06:56:26-04:00

Best ones I ever heard was told to me by my uncle who was a retired Master Chief from the Korea / Vietnam era.

1). Why do navy guys have their names tattooed to their backs?
So the Marine knows what his dates name is.

2). US Navy submarine; A giant metal tube that goes underwater with 180 sailors and returns 6 months later with 90 couples

Response by CPO Randy Francis made Oct 23 at 2016 10:20 AM

2016-10-23T10:20:38-04:00

I've got a great one but I think it might be too filthy.

Response by Madison Colyer made Oct 27 at 2016 2:23 AM

2016-10-27T02:23:11-04:00

I wouldn't know so much about this , although things will absolutely change without a doubt, but also thanks so much for doing everything. Also if you guys need any help for someone to talk to don't hesitate to an email, text or phone call. [login to see] , [login to see] ; anything for the men uniform who protect their home.

Response by SSgt Bruce McClelland made Nov 4 at 2016 12:40 PM

2016-11-04T12:40:30-04:00

Response by Amn April Crider made Nov 16 at 2016 8:49 AM

2016-11-16T08:49:47-05:00

Navy PT requirements at the Tech School I attended was Volleyball once a week.

Response by PO1 John Johnson made Nov 19 at 2016 5:49 AM

2016-11-19T05:49:18-05:00

What? A lack of Coast Guard jokes? You guys (and ladies too) are letting me down!

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 19 at 2016 8:02 AM

2016-11-19T08:02:03-05:00

At the pentagon is a large aquarium built into one of the walls in the corridor. A aoldier is staring into the tank, and a sailor asks "what are you doing?" The soldier says "I'm controlling the fish with my superior mental power--look". The sailor looks and the fish have organized into squads, swimming through the tank in wedges like an infantry platoon on patrol.

The sailor decides to try it, and as he stares into the tank, a Marine walks up and asks "what are you doing?" "I'm controlling the fish with my superior mental power--look" and the fish have arranged themselves like a carrier task force, with a large fish in the center and the smaller fish around it.

The Marine decides to try it, and stares into the tank. An Airman walks up and says "what are you doing?" The Marine looks at him, and his ears are moving back and forth, and his mouth is slowly opening and closing.

Response by SGT Michelle Buttress made Nov 25 at 2016 1:53 PM

2016-11-25T13:53:35-05:00

What does Marines stand for?
My A** Rides In Naval Equipment Sir!

Response by PO2 Ken Lowder made Jan 18 at 2017 2:35 PM

2017-01-18T14:35:37-05:00

A squid talking to me. You Coasties are all shallow water sailors who never go anywhere. Me, someone has to stay home and make sure the needs of the wives, daughters or girl friends are taken care of.

Response by PO2 Ken Lowder made Jan 18 at 2017 2:37 PM

2017-01-18T14:37:56-05:00

A squid griping at me, you Coasties are shallow water sailers who never go anywhere. Me, Someone has to stay home and see that the needs of the wives, daughters or girlfriends are met.

Response by SPC Jeffrey Reese made Jan 31 at 2017 3:25 PM

2017-01-31T15:25:16-05:00

When I was in basic at Ft. Dix a squad of marines was marching by with and army DI. I picked up a hand full of sand and yelled hit the beach as I threw the sand against a brick wall. The DI busted up laughing but I got a bunch of dirty looks from the marines.

Response by SPC David Boerst made Feb 1 at 2017 8:53 AM

2017-02-01T08:53:22-05:00

What's long and hard on a Marine???
The fourth grade

Response by MAJ Raymond Haynes made Feb 1 at 2017 2:01 PM

2017-02-01T14:01:43-05:00

When asked what I like the most about the Navy......Their wives

Response by SPC Larry Weigel Jr. made Feb 1 at 2017 3:47 PM

2017-02-01T15:47:58-05:00

One massive offensive underway with U.S. troops being on defense. Marines are pinned down in their holes, crying for extraction. The Air Force is screaming that the airfield is being shelled and they can't get them up. The Navy is to busy dodging sub's and dolphins to assist. So, the Army comes charging in. First, the FA then the Air Cav then the Infantry to clean up what's left. See, on the 8th day God created the U.S. Army because everyone needs heroes!!

Response by SrA Bruce Bustin made Feb 1 at 2017 5:38 PM

2017-02-01T17:38:25-05:00

When I was asked why I joined the Air Force, my response was, " Because I scored high enough on the ASVAB to make that choice!"

Response by SPC Burke Easter made Feb 1 at 2017 7:36 PM

2017-02-01T19:36:55-05:00

The Marines are just the Navy playing Army.

Response by PO2 Bernie McAleese made Feb 1 at 2017 8:23 PM

2017-02-01T20:23:46-05:00

Best one I've heard. Why is the Navy better than the Air Force? Because there are more planes at the bottom of the ocean than there are ships stuck in the sky.

Response by SSG James Dennis made Feb 1 at 2017 9:27 PM

2017-02-01T21:27:16-05:00

So a Padre dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter meets him at the gate, shows him his small, sparse quarters. As Peter walks out the door the Padre sees a big parade with God riding in a golden chariot with a Paratrooper setting next to him. He asks Peter, "I gave my life to spreading the gospel. Why didn't I get a parade like the Paratrooper?" Saint Peter replied, "Padre, we get you guys all the time, a Paratrooper in heaven is a rare occasion."

Response by CPO Dave Noel made Feb 1 at 2017 10:51 PM

2017-02-01T22:51:40-05:00

The best marine is a submarine

Response by SSG Lloyd Becker BSBA-HCM, MBA made Feb 1 at 2017 11:11 PM

2017-02-01T23:11:32-05:00

How do you kill a Marine? Take a hand full of sand, throw it against the wall and tell them to hit the beach.

Response by TSgt Jeff Grawe made Feb 1 at 2017 11:29 PM

2017-02-01T23:29:52-05:00

I went in the USAF, at the MEPs center a bunch of us are sitting at a table. Guys are bragging about their jobs. I'm going in the infantry. I'm going to be a Ranger and so on. When it came my turn, I said I will be in the AF doing communications. Everyone laughed. I said here is why. In your branches your officers send you in to battle towards certain death in some cases. historically some of you bad officers get shot in the back by the same caliber weapons you carry. In the AF we put our officers in air craft, pop a salute and say good hunting. I serve my country supporting other and will retire with a usable skill. You could hear a pin drop. This is a true story and my first of many in my 20 years, 7 months is service.

Response by MSgt Frank Martin made Feb 2 at 2017 2:12 AM

2017-02-02T02:12:41-05:00

I never was against the other services.. each has it's own purpose and traditions that seem strange to the other branches..

But my favorite saying to reply to someone tell me the USAF was not a "military branch" (This was before the 1999 changes in USAF doctrine that help send me to the Air Mobility Warfare Center three times.. for "deployment training")

In the Army, your stuck fighting with your officer leading the company or platoon, to take the objective.

In the Navy, your on the ship or boat with the officers fighting on the sea's.

In the Marines, you hit the beach to take the objective behind your officers.

In the Air Force, most of us do the job to support the Pilots who do the war fighting. So its "Good Morning Sir, Have a Nice Flight Sir, Bring the plane back intact Sir!"

Response by SSgt Nicholas Merchant made Feb 2 at 2017 4:13 AM

2017-02-02T04:13:58-05:00

One day on a joint military basevan admiral, marine general, army general and air force general are all walking together.

A heated debate gets started over which branch has the bravest and best troops.

The admiral says its no question were out to see and in submarines for months if we get attacked we swim, I'll proove it... then he yelled out seaman get over here ayay sir the seaman runs over... climb that water tower snd jump off show these guys why were the bravest and best.. ayay he runs to the top of the tower and swan dives off in perfect form.... the rest are impressed

Army is next, and the same thing happens just with more flair

Next the marines again the same slightly mord flair

Last the Airforce goes general yells at a passing airman tells the airman the same thing.... airman looks at the tower then the bodies and back at the general after a few moments the airman says fuck you sir you do it and walks away.. air force general says yep i win

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 2 at 2017 5:30 AM

2017-02-02T05:30:30-05:00

A Soldier and a Marine are sitting at a bar after a few drinks the Marine turns and yells to the bar I'm a marine and we run towards the gun fire then sits back down the soldier turns around and not to be out done yell he may run towards the gunfire but the army taught us to shoot back!

Response by SPC Michael Mead made Feb 2 at 2017 8:29 AM

2017-02-02T08:29:52-05:00

In my humble opinion, two things should happen. One, teach our citizens how the English language works, and Two, leave the amendment exactly as it is.
The framers of our Constitution knew only too well the inherent hazards to liberty that a centralized government posed. They then learned that such a government is a necessary evil. In response, to limit its power, they developed a divided government and incorporated what we call our "checks and balances," that no one branch might overpower the others and become dictatorial. I believe, and it's just my belief, that the 2nd Amendment is no different. I read the text as declaring that since a standing military is necessary, the uninfringed right of private citizens to own arms must be protected, enshrined in the Constitution, as a hedge against government tyranny.
Or am I all wet about this?

Response by Sgt Bradley Smith made Feb 3 at 2017 2:06 PM

2017-02-03T14:06:14-05:00

Not a joke but a supposedly true story that is just as good...
I have heard enough about the dominance of Navy football. Let's give the Squids their due though, they have accomplished some tasks of substance in the course of the nation's history, for example:
The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides), as a combat vessel, carried
48,600 gallons of fresh water
for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers).
However, let it be noted that according to her ship's log, "On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum."
Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping."
Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and
68,300 gallons of rum.
Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there 12 November. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.
On 18 November, she set sail for England. In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchant ships,
salvaging only the rum
aboard each.
By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed
she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland . Her landing party captured a whiskey distillery and transferred
40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard
by dawn. Then she headed home.
The U. S. S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February 1799, with
no cannon shot,
no food,
no powder,
no rum,
no wine,
no whiskey,
and 38,600 gallons of fresh water.
GO NAVY!

Response by Sgt Jay Jones made Feb 19 at 2017 6:51 PM

2017-02-19T18:51:26-05:00

Do you know why the U.S. Air Force is not as skilled in marksmanship as the U.S. Marine Corps and the U.S. Army? ...They Aim High!

Response by CPL Ann Elston made Mar 1 at 2017 1:03 PM

2017-03-01T13:03:47-05:00

Why does the Navy transport Marines? The Sheep were to obvious...

Response by CPL Ann Elston made Mar 1 at 2017 1:17 PM

2017-03-01T13:17:07-05:00

Cadence (Jodie call) Sang (heard it) once in Gellenhausen Germany:
(pop goes the weasel)
I don't go out with girls anymore,
I live a life of danger,
I sit at home and play with myself,
Whooo I'm a Ranger.

Response by Lt Col Scott Shuttleworth made Mar 2 at 2017 5:41 PM

2017-03-02T17:41:23-05:00

What does a Marine call a helicopter---UH UH. What does he call two helicopters--UHUH UHUH.
How do you get a West Point Graduate off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
How do you keep a midshipman football player from coming on your lawn? Paint it like an end zone!!

Response by PO1 Richard Cormier made Mar 9 at 2017 12:20 PM

2017-03-09T12:20:19-05:00

There always seemed to be that one grizzly old Gunny in the bar that says "I'm a Marine, nothing in the world frightens me". To them I have always given this challenge: I bet a beer, that l can name two things that scare ALL Marines everywhere. I haven't lost yet.

1. A 2nd Lt. with a map and compass.
2. A squid with a weapon.

Response by SSgt Bruce McClelland made May 1 at 2017 7:44 PM

2017-05-01T19:44:23-04:00

I didn't create this meme and I hope the Marines don't think I'm the beach.

Response by SSgt Bruce McClelland made May 3 at 2017 2:29 PM

2017-05-03T14:29:55-04:00

I'm always glad to learn something about another branch. I didn't know that the Navy washes their aircraft more than the Air Force does. ;-)

Response by MSgt Frank Martin made Jul 20 at 2017 4:43 PM

2017-07-20T16:43:01-04:00

Not really a joke.. but I can remember being at Ft Dix NJ during my first PHOENIX READINESS exercise.

Myself a TSgt and 1st Lieutenant (A former enlisted SERE instructor) were digging a Defensive Firing position to guard our portion of the "camp" as part of the COMBAT CAMERA team. The US Marines had a contingent with military working dogs to help the Security Forces guard the makeshift deployment area and their compound was about hundred yards away.

One of their German Shepards jumped his kennel run and came flying over to us and started to dig in the same spot as where we were digging. Me and the LT just took a step back and was watching this pooch dig like crazy. A Gunnery Sergeant and a Corporal came running over to us. The Corporal was sort at yelling at us both for "running" his dog..

I will never forget the Lieutenant leaning on his shovel with his chin without taking his eyes off the dog and saying. "Corporal, we are simply impressed that he came over to help us dig this hole, pure inter-service cooperation if you ask me." I noticed that the Gunny was just like me... we tried to keep our laughs silent.

The Corporal was not amused, it took him four minutes tugging on that dog's collar to take him away. As a side note, we figured he save us about twenty minutes worth of digging. Later the command post wanted a "code name" for our DFP on the field telephone net. The Lieutenant did not skip a beat... "we are calling it Dog Hole".

I was just sorry that none of our videographers were around when that dog came over.. it would have made an interesting video.

Response by LTC Orlando Illi made Jul 30 at 2017 9:05 AM

2017-07-30T09:05:40-04:00

My Dad - USN WW2 / Korea - Marines are seagoing bellhops

Response by Sgt Jay Jones made Jul 31 at 2017 2:42 PM

2017-07-31T14:42:56-04:00

I must say that I have truly enjoyed the jokes and stories about other branches of the U.S. Military. I have always found it amazing that we can joke amongst ourselves about each other, however, if someone messes with one of us they have to fight us all.

I have a tremendous amount of respect for the U.S. Air Force. They provide air superiority that enables ground forces to go forward with minimal casualties. Thank you.

I have a respect and admiration for the U.S. Army as well. I'm a Marine, and Marines win battles. The Army wins wars.

The U.S Navy does a outstanding job of commanding the seas. The first thing any U.S President ask when a conflict breaks out anyway in the world is "Where is the nearest Carrier"! The Submarine force is one of the most feared members of the TRIAD that we have to help prevent nuclear annihilation.

The Coast Guard protects our Coast Line from enemy and criminal transgressions.

The U.S. Marine Corps is one of the most feared fighting forces in the world. We make no apologies for our "cult" like attitudes. That is probably why we are so feared. We talk a good game, but we back it up.

All of us bring something special to the table. It takes all of us to win. Each, branch of the U.S. Military has a long and proud tradition that has been earned by the blood, sweat, and tears of our predecessors. We train hard and we play hard, but you will never see a group of individuals more proud of their service to our country.

A hearty WELL DONE to each of you and a heart felt SALUTE!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR/OUR SERVICE.

Response by SFC Brian Ewing made Jul 21 at 2018 1:32 AM

2018-07-21T01:32:51-04:00

What sound does the sh1t makes when it hits the fan??

MaRINE!!!

Response by SFC Brian Ewing made Jul 21 at 2018 1:34 AM

2018-07-21T01:34:30-04:00

Have you ever seen a Marine Mine Clearing Team??

Plug both ears with one finger and stomps around until you hear the click!!

Response by SFC Brian Ewing made Jul 21 at 2018 1:36 AM

2018-07-21T01:36:01-04:00

What does MARINE stand for?
M=MUSCLES
A=ARE
R=REQUIRED
I=INTELLIGENCE
N=NOT
ES=ESSENTIAL

Response by SFC Brian Ewing made Jul 21 at 2018 1:36 AM

2018-07-21T01:36:46-04:00

What do you call a MARINE that can't swim?

A SUBmarine!!

Response by MAJ Bruce Whyte made Jul 21 at 2018 10:32 AM

2018-07-21T10:32:23-04:00

Know how to kill a Marine? Slam the toilet seat down while they are getting a drink.

Response by Lt Col Scott Shuttleworth made Jul 23 at 2018 9:19 AM

2018-07-23T09:19:25-04:00

Response by MAJ Raymond Haynes made Aug 2 at 2018 3:52 AM

2018-08-02T03:52:00-04:00

A young Marine was stationed on an Air Force base guarding a highly sensetive ammo area. A Navy reporter gained permisson for a very general type interview about his assignment. The reporter started out the interview with "Being stationed here, what do you like most about the Air Force?" The young Marine thought for a moment then replied "There wifes".

Response by MAJ Raymond Haynes made Aug 2 at 2018 4:04 AM

2018-08-02T04:04:14-04:00

Hang on to your pack for this one........A Army Catholic Chaplin and an Air Force Jewish Rabbi were walking down the street. The Chaplin turns to the Rabbi and says"Hey, lets go fuck some little boys" the Rabbi turns to the Chaplin and asks "Out of what??"

Response by Lt Col Gary Odle made Nov 1 at 2018 4:26 PM

2018-11-01T16:26:37-04:00

The job of the Navy is to shell the beach. The job of the Marines is to take the beach. The job of the Army is hold the beach. The job of the Air Force is to build a bowling ally and an Officer's Club.

Response by SSgt Jimmy Jackson made Jun 23 at 2019 1:52 PM

2019-06-23T13:52:22-04:00

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."....Okay, I stole this. It's funny anyway.

Response by SSgt Jimmy Jackson made Jun 23 at 2019 2:02 PM

2019-06-23T14:02:10-04:00

Why did Congress enact the Marine Corps?....So Sailors would have someone to dance with.

Response by SGT John Fielden made Jun 23 at 2019 9:58 PM

2019-06-23T21:58:30-04:00

In the military you meet people with a wide variety of surnames.
Although I retired Army, I jumped ship from the Navy. When I was onboard USS Nimitz the aircraft carrier, we had some different names.
We had Babcock, Badcock, Goodcock, Glasscock and Moorecock.
But the most popular was Hancock.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 24 at 2019 12:03 AM

2019-06-24T00:03:09-04:00

True story
On September 15, 1950, American troops landed at Inchon, Korea, and began fighting their way eastward toward the capital city of Seoul, a distance of about 16 miles.
Air reconnaissance reported that eight switcher locomotives were trapped by cut rail lines in a rail yard at Yong Dong Po, a few miles west of Seoul. Six Seabee chiefs and four petty officers, led by Chief Ernest A. Sidney, who had previous experience with steam engines volunteered to go and recapture the locomotives and bring them back to the U.S. lines. They crossed the enemy lines, made their way to Yong Dong Po, and found the locomotives standing in the switching yard of the Kirin Brewery. The Seabees took advantage of their good fortune and loaded 15 cases of beer and saki aboard the locomotives, fired them up, and headed back to American lines.

As they headed towards the safety of the U.S. Marine lines, several broken rails had to be repaired by the Seabees along the way. However, the North Korean forces had noticed the movement and began to fire at the moving locomotives. Minutes later, North Korean mortars began dropping shells on the trains, and shrapnel fragments showered the locomotive cabs and boilers as they moved. The men ducked down and kept moving towards the area occupied by the U.S. Marines.

Marines of the First Division were unaware this was going on and upon seeing the locomotives approaching from behind enemy lines, they thought the North Koreans were using the locomotives to mount an attack. They also fired on the locomotives, until one of the marines finally realized that the occupants were wearing U.S. fatigues.

“Hold your fire!” he shouted, “Wait a second, these guys aren’t North Koreans!” He shook his head and said to his platoon sergeant, “Imagine that, Sarge, there was a bunch of “doggies” out ahead of us.”

“Naw,” the sergeant said, “it’s just them damned Seabees at it again!”

The Seabees approached the Marines laughing and waving beer bottles.

Once the Seabees were safe behind Marine lines, the beer and saki seems to have disappeared. No one admits to knowing anything…

Response by SGT Michael Wells III made Jun 25 at 2019 7:10 AM

2019-06-25T07:10:00-04:00

Had a Navy guy tell my buds one day, "I wonder what you do when you get lonely in a foxhole?"
I had to reply, "We already know what the Navy does - 70 sailors go down, 35 couples come up."

Response by SGT Garrel Rogers made Oct 16 at 2019 11:23 AM

2019-10-16T11:23:46-04:00

Why is a Marine required to be at least 10 IQ points smarter than a Horse?
So they don't shit in the street in the middle of a Parade....

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 16 at 2019 6:03 PM

2019-10-16T18:03:33-04:00

I tried to join the Marines, but they found out my parents were married when I was born.

Response by PO2 Roger Langford made Oct 16 at 2019 6:45 PM

2019-10-16T18:45:35-04:00

In the Navy we used to say that if you took a Marine and taught him how to start a fire you would have a caveman.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 17 at 2019 3:46 AM

2019-10-17T03:46:28-04:00

There's an Air Force guy driving from McChord to Ft Lewis, and an Army guy driving from Ft Lewis to McChord. Its the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Army guy manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise the Air Force guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" The Air Force guy walks over to the Army guy and says, "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of archrivals" The Army guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived this wreck" So the Army guy reaches under the passenger seat of his car and finds a full, unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Air Force guy, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship" The Air Force guy replies, "You're damn right!" and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Air Force guy hands it back to the Army guy and says, "Your turn!" The Army guy twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "Nahh, I think I'll wait for the cops to come."

Response by SrA Richard Crumley made Oct 17 at 2019 4:52 PM

2019-10-17T16:52:34-04:00

I always love to tell this story.

My dad is a Marine, his dad is a Marine. My mom’s dad is a Marine, because of this, I was strongly considering joining the military, then I heard about the Air Force.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 17 at 2019 7:36 PM

2019-10-17T19:36:53-04:00

A man joins the Navy and is shipped out on a carrier in the middle of the ocean.
The captain is showing the new seaman around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their sexual urges when they are out to sea for so long.
"Let me show you," says the captain.
He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it.
The captain says, "This barrel will give you the best sex you've ever had. Go ahead and try it and I'll give you some privacy."
The recruit doesn't believe it, but decided to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns.
"Wow, that was the best sex I've ever had. I want to do it every day." says the sailor.
The captain responds, "Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday."
Why not Thursday?" asks the sailor.
The captain replies, "because that's your day in the barrel."

Response by MAJ Raymond Haynes made Jan 25 at 2020 5:12 AM

2020-01-25T05:12:58-05:00

A Marine general and a Navy admiral were standing on the bridge of a ship about to observe a amphibious assault. The Marine general turned to his aide and requested his red cape. The Admiral asked why he wore a red cape. The General replied that if wounded, the troops would not see the blood, and would continue to fight. The Admiral thought for a minute then turned to his aide, and requested his brown pants.

Response by SGT John Fielden made Jun 22 at 2020 4:12 PM

2020-06-22T16:12:47-04:00

Marines: OooRAH
Navy: HooYAH
Army: HooAH
Air Force: HooCARES

Response by PFC John Bruton made Jul 28 at 2021 6:35 AM

2021-07-28T06:35:49-04:00

First off my entire life I've been sounded by military. Dad was Vietnam era udt that somehow got to go back for weapons and tactics tactics his trident no idea how he never talked about it , both grandfathers were army, one artillery the other a combat engineer. A great Uncle that was a Airforce bomber pilot and instructor. A couple of cousins that went to the Marine Corps.
Once I got married for the second and last time I was asked by my wife's grandad to just call him grandpa or papa if I wanted to since I was now family there was no need to use his birth name since everyone who new him used a nickname or for many Years had answered to just his last name. He told a couple of stories about raiding watermelon patches and learning to eat and hate mutton, and driving a duece and half up and down steep icey or muddy narrow and half He told a story bout "going over his XOs head getting promoted XO becoming a local legend a few days firetting shelled as he stepped into the shower and taking off grabbing gear juggling weapon and unniform diving into his fox hole still holding a boot with socks stuffed inside with a soaking wet wash cloth and one full magazine the rest he had drop on the way. As the shelling continued along with some small arms fire a senior NCO made his way to the foxhole checking conditions and counts hopping in while he tossed over a pair of now suspicious looking boxers, his other now mud filled awful smelling boot and his cover. And gave orders to report immediately to comand when the all clear was given.
Upon reporting to the command tent he was informed that due to being distracted buy a bare assed soldier who was sprinting passed him in full glory the the XO had slipped and fell, slid down a small muddy embankment and hitting the back of latrine, knocking loose a panel that allowed removal of the awaiting sewage, leaving a hole big enough for the XO to end up ass over tea kettle in literal deep shit. the Army during both WW2 and Kwhen we were collecting a few personal items for a display at his funeral we found a cigar box that after opening it and looking through I sat at his table visibly shaking an my eyes might have started to sweat a little. First were some letters from his wife from his time overseas they were married right out of high school until death did they part. Further in was were I found the gut punch on top of unit patches, and ssgt lapel pins was a CIB it confused me at first because of the 10 plus years I'd known him he only mentioned being in the motor pool. Digging deeper there were a couple if old pay receipts and what I think were IOUs and reinlistment papers 4 sets total not including 2 sets of orders to report for duty.1st the from draft for ww2 and what I guess would be a return to service for Korea 3 voluntary re-ups dated douring ww2 and another from Korea.