What's your best military-related story?

2013-11-25T17:48:25-05:00

Everyone's got one, so what is your "hands-down" funniest, most entertaining or interesting military story?  It could've been from training, a deployment, or even something that helped to break the tension in an operational environment; perhaps a humorous tale stateside, or when working with international partners OCONUS... I know you all have a million of 'em, so here's your chance to share the best-of-the-best of your go-to knee-slappinest or most incredible military-related stories. I've heard some awesome stories over the years, just one easy rule to follow here, try your best to keep it clean, and remember to leave a little 'something' to the imagination! lol I'm certain this'll be an absolute blast folks, so break out that ol' sea bag full o' stories... and dust off your best, 'cause we're all ready for a good belly laugh here! I can't wait to hear these, I know that you all have some gems, so let's get started; thank you for all that you do, and... see you all in the discussion threads!

Response by Col Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 25 at 2013 6:05 PM

2013-11-25T18:05:32-05:00

<p>Probably best described by Bill Murray in "Stripes," when he said "it's not just the uniform, it's the stories..."  Classic moment, great scene, and couldn't have said it better myself, you all have some great stories, and we're all looking forward to hearing them... enjoy!  Semper, B</p><p> </p><p>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTwIwfvNJLk</p><p> </p><p> </p><div class="pta-link-card"><div class="pta-link-card-picture"><img src="http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/iTwIwfvNJLk/maxresdefault.jpg"></div><div class="pta-link-card-content"><div class="pta-link-card-title"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTwIwfvNJLk" target="_blank">Chicks Dig Me - Stripes (4/8) Movie CLIP (1981) HD</a></div><div class="pta-link-card-description">Stripes Movie Clip - watch all clips http://j.mp/T3KDzE click to subscribe http://j.mp/sNDUs5 Ziskey (Harold Ramis) and Winger (Bill Murray) introduce themse...</div></div><div style="clear: both;"></div><div class="pta-box-hide"><i class="icon-remove"></i></div></div>

Response by CW2 Joseph Evans made Nov 25 at 2013 6:24 PM

2013-11-25T18:24:18-05:00

So, MI BN had to ship some vehicles to theater by air because of classification and accountability issues. Get to the other end and the Recon Squadron S-3 is looking through a bunch of stuff that had to be offloaded from the planes (all subordinate to the same BDE, same air budget) and low and behold, one of the plts had loaded up their "classified air freight" with TVs and refrigerators... The Recon S-3, who had to ship a significant amount of his weapons via ground, was livid... and that was the least of the issues. We ended up seeing 2 PSGs relieved first week in country.<br>

Response by CW2 Joseph Evans made Nov 25 at 2013 6:26 PM

2013-11-25T18:26:12-05:00

The drunk Major that grabbed his 9mm to dispatch a camel spider that ran across the tent during a game of Spades....<br>

Response by CMC Robert Young made Nov 25 at 2013 6:57 PM

2013-11-25T18:57:05-05:00

There are too many to tell, but is one of my favorites. The command had received a call from a group of congressional budget staffers who were researching a funding increase request. As chief of operations (security, law enforcement and SAR), I was most familiar with what we did and how it got done. The chief of training also had a large dog in this fight because the unit was expanding and our training needs were going to take a corresponding hit. With this in mind, the command decided the two of us should provide the staffers a trip through the AOR on one of our Response Boat - Smalls (RBS), and explain the nuts and bolts after the parent command had completed its 30,000 foot view briefing. The plan was that late in the afternoon as the weather was cooling off, <strong>Bill, </strong>a great friend, mentor and former supervisor whose favorite concluding comment during the safety brief before leaving dock was always "What could possibly happen?", would pick up the three staffers at the pier of our parent command about 20 minutes from our office. We were underway about five minutes out from the meeting when I spelled something burning in the cabin. The conversation went something like this. Me, "You smell that." Bill pointing to smoke coming out of the heating vents on his side of the boat, "Think it's got something to do with the smoke coming out of the vent over here?" Me, "Could be." The electronics started systematically shutting down. Bill immediately got on the radio as it was going dead and tried to get a message off to the Com Center, and I hit the Nextel to OOD. Both messages were really short. Something to the effect of "We are at Bravo Papa (the nearest buoy) on fire. Notify the command we're coming in hot (literally) to the dock if we can make it. If no contact in 10 launch a SAR asset. WE WILL BE IN THE WATER." We managed to put the fire out, but by the time we did, all of the navigation, and comms gear was shot, and we lost one engine. We limped in to the dock at our parent command with me ringing out every RPM I could get out of our remaining engine and smoke rolling out of the windows. A damage control team was waiting for us as were the budget staffers. We got the boat moored, and stepped off to tell the damage control guys what was going on. As soon as we were done with them, I worked it out to borrow another boat from the local unit co - located there, turned to the budget staffers, and told them we were their ride for the orientation tour. The look on their faces was priceless! They wouldn't get on the boat with us. They voiced a ton of questions about what had happened to us with a clear concern that it might happen again if they went with us. We finally convinced them to get on the boat and spent the next couple of hours giving our pitch for some new equipment. Over the next two years we got almost everything we asked for including new some new boats, and full time maintenance staff dedicated to nothing but keeping things from catching on fire so apparently a little chaos was a good thing. 

Response by Col Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 13 at 2013 4:59 PM

2013-12-13T16:59:40-05:00

<p>In order to encourage maximum discussion, here are just a few thread that you may find interesting; thank you for all that you do, and... see you all in the discussion threads!</p><div class="pta-link-card"><div class="pta-link-card-picture"><img src="http://www.rallypoint.com/assets/fb_share_logo.png"></div><div class="pta-link-card-content"><div class="pta-link-card-title"><a href="https://www.rallypoint.com/questions/7519-funny-military-stories" target="_blank">Funny military stories</a></div><div class="pta-link-card-description">What are some of the more funnier experiences you've had in the military?</div></div><div style="clear: both;"></div><div class="pta-box-hide"><i class="icon-remove"></i></div></div>

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 13 at 2013 5:56 PM

2013-12-13T17:56:19-05:00

This is my favorite. My platoon was supporting a Joint Operations Access Exercise (JOAX) on Fort Bragg. The platoon was split up with a squad leader handling one mission and my platoon sergeant and I were handling the other mission with the rest of our platoon in support of this infantry battalion. We got little guidance and info from this battalion (really next to none). They didn't even tell us that we would be staying overnight at this satellite training area away from where the remainder of the platoon was. My platoon sergeant was really adamant that we get out of there ASAP because he was concerned that something might happen to the soldiers that were not with us. My platoon sergeant finally convinced me (after I had enough hearing it from him) to go talk to the battalion XO to see how close we were to heading back. So I walk in to where the XO was (well-knowing I would get shot down) to ask him that question. Keep in mind that my platoon sergeant was right behind me standing in the door, leading his lamb to the slaughter. I asked the question and that particular question was exactly what it takes to blow the lid off the XO. The XO (a Major) looked at me and said, "That poopy face isn't helping the situation. When I know, you'll know LT. Now move out and draw fire!" So, I come out of the room, I looked over at my platoon sergeant with the look of "I hope you're satisfied" written all over my face. I guess out of consolation for letting me take the heat round to the chest, my platoon sergeant said something that I will never forget for as long as I live. "Sir, F#@K that Major!". Not to offend any Majors out there, but I still laugh at that phrase. Now, I kind of use it to give me courage and inspiration to stand up for my soldiers when they need my help. True story, couldn't make this up!

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 13 at 2013 6:20 PM

2013-12-13T18:20:04-05:00

While deployed to Egypt for Operation Bright Star 2005, I was the acting Division Surgeon for the 28th ID Command Group who was in charge of the FTX operation.  A very kind Egyptian Army Officer (either LTC or COL, i can't remember)  would come into the TOC and talk to me.  He asked general medical questions and began to teach me how to read and write Arabic.  I still have my notebook where he wrote the Arabic alphabet and my name, etc in Arabic.  I had previously travelled around the world as a civilian with the federal government including many Arabic countries and this seemed similar to the type of treatment I received by our counterparts in other countries so it didn't really surprise me much.  But, in that capacity, I had learned how to recognize when I was being set up for a pitch and soon it came.  Except this pitch wasn't for me to provide intel to their government or spy against my country.  This pitch was for me to give him some Viagra.  Apparently, Egyptian Army Officers think American Army Medical Officers carry around a supply of Viagra during live fire FTX exercises!!  And in case anyone also has that same question, no we do not!!   

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 15 at 2013 3:28 PM

2013-12-15T15:28:11-05:00

There I was... Ft. Lee, VA in the Spring of 1997, 92G AIT.  The Quartermaster School CSM was conducting a Class A uniform inspection.  She asked every Soldier in the Platoon a military question.  She gets to the guy before me and asks him "Who is the SMA?"  The guy answers "I don't know."  She then asks him "Who is the Quartermaster School CSM?"  He replies <font color="#4d4d4d"><span style="font-size: 14px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"I don't know."  At this point she gets kind of irritated and asks "Soldier, who is you PSG?" Once again he replies "I don't know."  She looses it at this point and asks "Soldier, what is your middle name."  He replies "I don't have one."  At this point everyone in the formation starts smiling and snickering.  The CSM turns and asks me "Soldier, who is the Quartermaster School CSM?" In between snickering I reply "Sergeant Major, I thought it was you but, now I'm not so sure."  She replies "You would be right."  At this point everyone starts laughing.</span></font>

Response by MAJ(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 17 at 2013 1:46 PM

2013-12-17T13:46:25-05:00

I had taken over my first platoon and returned from my first patrol, on my first deployment to Iraq. We had just switched over from HMMWV's to the MRAP's. I was feeling "super cool" and got a little overzealous in jumping out of my truck (didn't maintain my 3 points of contact). My gear caught on the hydraulic door and I'm only 5'3" so I was way too short to do reach anything to lift myself off. So there I was, hanging by my IBA from the door of my MAXXPRO in front of my platoon. It was reminiscent of the nerd hanging by his underwear from the school locker. My Platoon Sergeant and Warrant Officer had to come lift me off. As they untangled me from the door, all they could say was, "Ma'am... how in the world???" to which I responded, "I have no idea, please don't judge me." It's 6 years later and we still laugh about that whenever we talk.

Response by LTC Mel Magsino made Dec 22 at 2013 11:26 PM

2013-12-22T23:26:25-05:00

Back in the mid to late 90s, when I was a young and
impressionable Second Lieutenant and part of a battalion staff, I remember
sitting in on a training exercise mission brief to the Battalion Commander. The
training exercise was to be conducted in a desert training ground in the
southwest.

The Battalion Operations Officer, then a Major but would
eventually pin on one star years down the road and working towards Major
General, set up an exercise brief for the Battalion Commander as well as the
Company Commanders following the five paragraph Operations Order format. The
audience was comprised of both male and female officers and senior enlisted
personnel. Once the Battalion Operations Officer briefed the Situation, he
turned the brief over to the Intelligence Officer to brief paragraph 1A, Enemy
Forces. A good buddy of mine, we should call him 2LT VG, was the acting
Intelligence Officer and had the task of briefing the battalion commander on
the “Enemy Situation”. The “Enemy”, in keeping with our southwest locale,
originated from somewhere south of the border.</p>

Always affable and brimming with confidence, he went to up
to the podium and took over the slide presentation. He flashed a figure of this
slightly disheveled, mustachioed man in a bright, white suit, and called him “
El Jefe” Ronaldo Jeremio. He introduced him as the leader of the opposition
forces and that he is the Enemy Forces’ center of gravity. Snickering, he then
pushed the button to proceed to the next slide…only to be told by the battalion
commander to go back to the previous slide. The battalion commander then
remarked: “Where do I know this guy from?”.</p>

My buddy turned bright red and there were all sorts of
snickering and suppressed laughter in the background…then one of the company
commanders told the battalion commander that the guy in the picture is none
other than porn actor, Ron Jeremy. Without breaking stride, the battalion
commander uttered: “Hmmm…nah, I don’t know the guy…next slide”.</p>

Response by CH (CPT) Heather Davis made Feb 16 at 2014 10:09 PM

2014-02-16T22:09:51-05:00

<p>I was a WO1 and I was at Camp Atterbury, and we had the General, who was actually a skunk that would come out at night and would pass every bunk and look for food.</p><p><br></p><p>My COL was adamant about ensuring that we did not eat in the tents. Needless to say I had some hot fries and I ate them and stuck the bag in my duffle bag and stowed it under my bunk.</p><p><br></p><p>It is three o' clock in the morning, and the General is in the tent, and he is coming for my bunk which is next to the COL's. </p><p><br></p><p>I hear this WO1 Davis yes Ma'am do you have any food in your area?</p><p><br></p><p>No Ma'am of course not that would be a direct violation of orders.</p><p><br></p><p>The General stops and makes a dress right dress and crawls under my bunk and starting digging out he was able to get his sharp claws out and pull out the bag of hot fries, and he did not even eat them he made a right plank and proceeded to the next tent.</p><p><br></p><p>Needless to say all I could say Yes Ma'am in the leaning rest. Every one in my tent broke out in laughter.</p><p><br></p><p><br></p>

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 16 at 2014 10:45 PM

2014-02-16T22:45:00-05:00

ha.. I would imagine it would be when I was a PVT, back in 96 during my first FTX. My NCO tells me to "go take a field shower". So, I am in the field, a PVT and not sure where to do this at. So they give me a "Canadian shower" and a 5 gallon can of water and they tell me to hang it on the mirror of the Deuce and a Half. So I do it and I looked at them questioningly. I was instructed to just do it right there... So there I was butt naked in the middle of the Combat Trans taking a shower with water dribbling out of a plastic thing hanging from a bag lol... We had no females and it is what I was told to do???. I never got any flap for it but it was embarrassing to be showering right there in the open lol... The good ole days of "Be All You Can Be" alright...<br>

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 16 at 2014 11:28 PM

2014-02-16T23:28:21-05:00

It would have to be, while working the desk at the MP Station, I overhear what seemed to be quite the crazy-sounding traffic stop late at night after Halloween this 1 year ago. A car was stopped during a mids shift around 1300 for speeding. When asked to step out of the vehicle for sobriety tests/exams, the officers found out that the 3 people in the car were not only drunk, but in costume to resemble power rangers. I can't say that I'll forget that one.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 17 at 2014 3:36 AM

2014-02-17T03:36:40-05:00

I was on leave a few years ago, I went to the Pope shoppette at Bragg, I was in civilian clothes and rocking a pretty nice1 week beard. <div>I was in line waiting to pay for my stuff, and the guy behind in PTs was all on my back trying to read the army times, and I told him</div><div>Me: I'm with somebody</div><div>Him: I'm a LTC</div><div>Me: I'm not with him for the money</div><div>I paid for my stuff as the cashier was almost on the ground laughing</div>

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 17 at 2014 8:14 PM

2014-02-17T20:14:39-05:00

Let's go to BCT in Fort Sill in November of 2006 prior to the gas chamber the next day.<br><br>We are all gathered on some hardtop to listen to the pre-gas chamber brief.  The NCOIC (female in a then all male BCT) states that we should all pull our knees up, lower our heads between said knees, hug aforementioned knees while closing our eyes and listen well.<br>She continues "CS gas has been known to cause sudden cardiac arrest, heart attack for you 13Bs, in individuals who have experienced an orgasm within the last 48 hours prior to exposure.  At this time, I need everyone to remain in the previously directed position and people who, through partner assisted or self-inflicted means, have achieved an orgasm/ejaculated in the last 48 hours to raise their hands for safety identification."<br>She then pauses as the hands go up.  Finally, she belts out "Everyone! Look around!"<br>A lot of good laughter is had at the expense of the self-abusers who admitted to it.<br><br>The best part was one of our DSs.  He was a Sergeant E-5 on his first tour on the trail.  He gathered us 'round, the 1st PLT of D 1-40 and said "You privates are nasty!  You live, breathe, and crap in an open bay with a bunch of guys!  If any of you can jerk off here, you are nasty as hell!  ... If you jerk off on the floor, don't clean it up, and someone slips & injures themselves, I will find you!  And when I find you I'm going to knock you out ... and then I'll jerk off on your face!"  We laughed so very hard.<br><br>This is still one of my favorite memories of how specific situations shared among men at arms that are socially completely unacceptable become favorite fireside stories of hilarity.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 20 at 2014 12:40 AM

2014-02-20T00:40:16-05:00

Not sure if this funny but back in basic when drill sergeants could " inadvertently put hands on you" this individual was so frustrated that he apparently tried to hang himself. The only problem was that he tried to do it from the drop ceiling in the barracks tearing the whole paneling down.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 20 at 2014 11:05 PM

2014-02-20T23:05:06-05:00

<p>Korea, CJLOTS 2013. </p><p><br></p><p>So there we are filling our "Mike" Boats Potable Water from a BD Crane, the Chief on the crane notices that the cap for our Potable Water is secured by a small chain so he tells the PVT V to watch out for it. </p><p><br></p><p>And without skipping a beat, V looks down at it and kicks it... (presumably to show it was secured.) Said cap releases itself from the chain and is lost to Pohang South Korea for all eternity. </p><p><br></p><p>Chief (completely dumbfounded) looks at V and says "...Why?" </p><p><br></p><p>PVT V was rather angry with himself for the next day or so because we spent that time laughing uncontrollably about how stupid that was. </p>

Response by CMDCM Gene Treants made Feb 22 at 2014 5:29 PM

2014-02-22T17:29:04-05:00

After about 2 months as a Male Company Commander for a Female Company my ladies knew my routine and the rules of the Barracks. Any man entering the barracks spaces announced himself any time between Reveille and Taps. There were no men allowed between taps and reveille, except the Company Commander, since this was where my office was. Everyone knew I arrived in the morning between 0500 and 0515, without fail. One morning I arrived at 0505 and as I turned into the Main Floor of the BEQ, I heard a shower running and then turn off. As I turned toward my office, one of the young ladies stepped out of the head, totally nude, shower kit in hand, and towel over her shoulder. Both of us stopped dead in our tracks I saw a very young, well-built 20-year-old and realized there could be a problem. She looked at me and realized that she had made a mistake. Being a man as well as her Company Commander, I looked in her eyes. Then I looked all the way down to her feet and back to her eyes. Finally, I broke the silence and said, "Sailor, where the hell are your shower shoes?" With that, she did a full body blush, turned, and ran to her room. I never had any problems when I went to work after that.

Response by SrA Zachary Bolling made Feb 22 at 2014 5:41 PM

2014-02-22T17:41:16-05:00

<p>It is probably immoral but while deployed to Camp Bucca in '07 I had a Squad leader that had never been deployed in 16 years. He was deathly afraid of IED's and EFP's, our unit had been hit a couple of times already. During one shift we decided to play a prank on him and made an MRE bomb and put it in the seat behind his during a "potty break". 5 minutes later the bomb exploded creating such chaos that the Humvee he was in nearly did a front flip stopping so fast and he dove out of the passenger side door and got into the prone position thinking we had encountered contact right. It took him all of 10 seconds to realize everyone was laughing at him from our respective trucks. Thank god he had a good sense of humor. He later admitted that he peed himself just a little. </p><p> </p><p>That has to be one of the funniest stories I can think of that is appropriate to share. Anyone got one better?</p>

Response by SrA Zachary Bolling made Feb 22 at 2014 5:54 PM

2014-02-22T17:54:36-05:00

Another great story is from basic training. During the class portion most of us found extreme difficulty trying to stay awake yet everyday somebody would slip away to "lala land" and we would suffer whatever consequence the particular MTI wanted to bestow on us. Our favorite though was one MTI would make everyone and everything silent for about 30 seconds and count to 3. On 3 we would all scream to wake up the sleeping beauty. One day one of my fellow trainees fell asleep and we did this to wake him up. Instead of him being startled he flew out of his seat at full attention and then fainted, falling and hitting his head on a chair and landed on the ground with blood coming out of a sizable gash. he was fine and actually was allowed to eat ice cream that day.

Response by MSG(P) Thomas Finn made Feb 23 at 2014 7:30 AM

2014-02-23T07:30:29-05:00

recently we had a MSG scream out on the top of his lungs to line up in alphabetical order....starting with "A".  We all looked at him, stared in silence...and then broke out laughing....

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2014 10:41 AM

2014-02-23T10:41:12-05:00

I had PCS'd to Korea in DEC of 11' and was working with FDC on bringing our Paladin Howitzer up Digital. (getting the systems to talk via digital comm's) The FDC NCO was speaking with one of my Soldiers on the radio and he wasn't able to accomplish the task the FDC NCO was asking him to do. So, I hopped in the gun and jumped on the mike and asked what it was he needed. (FDC didn't know we switched out) He asked for something and I started scrolling through our PDFCS (computer) looking for the data and he started getting more and more impatient. So when he came back up the next time it was like he was yelling through the mike to get the info. So I told him through the radio that,"yelling won't get it done any faster". He asked who he was talking to because he thought it was one of the joe's "disrespecting him" lol... I told him it was "1-7 actual" (me) and he completely changed his tone. I went over and spoke with him mostly because I had just arrived at the unit there and didn't want to get off on the wrong foot, especially with FDC. Once we talked about it we both started laughing hysterically because of the situation. But ever since that day we would laugh our butts off. If something was going on with one of us yelling at the Soldiers we would just walk by and be like, "yelling wont get it done any faster". <br>

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2014 10:55 AM

2014-02-23T10:55:26-05:00

During the 03-04 deployment we had a great group of guys that played this "slap game". We all had shaved heads and if you caught the other guy "slipping" you would walk up behind him and just SMACK the back of his head open palmed. It would create this extremely loud slap noise, as if you were clapping your hands. (no it didn't really hurt, just scared ya mostly). So we were playing around one day and my buddy puts like 3 packets of peanut butter on a piece of bread and we snuck up on one of the other participants. Just when he was about to smack him he saw what was going on, so we chased him for a minute and then after he was caught, ole boy smacked him with the peanut butter and then rubbed it all into his bald head and left the bread stuck to him afterwards. <br><br>Fast forward some time, in retaliation, the guy decides to get him back. So when the first guy went out to the porta potty we filled up a bucket of water and basically broke open the door to the porta potty, once it was open you see this look of fear on the guys face as he looks up from his newspaper and of course he cant just run away with his pants around his ankles, sitting duck, and next thing ya know lol, he is catching a whole bucket of water all over him.<br><br>And not to forget the time we dumped a bucket of dirt on another participant as he was taking his shower.... ahhh   good times.<br>

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2014 10:12 PM

2014-02-23T22:12:00-05:00

So there I was an E-1 at BCT in 2010 at FT. Sill, OK Golf 1/79 FA and the DS walks into our bay and ask's another Private about BRM. The question being posed to this young private was this DS: Private what is SPORTS?<div>PVT: DS SPORTS is a sporting event like Football, Baseball and Soccer.</div><div>DS: PVT are you insert profanity here____ serious.</div><div>Everyone in the bay started laughing at said PVT DS said everyone front leaning rest position move. Needless to say it was worth every Rep.</div>

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2014 11:26 PM

2014-02-24T23:26:42-05:00

During the second rotation to Afghanistan in '02-'03, I was a CH-47 Phase Team leader.  We were on Kandahar before it is what it is today, most of it was still a minefield.  We even worked out of a hangar that a Specter gunship had gotten a hold of early in the invasion phase of OEF.  Regardless, I would stick around after I had sent all the other mechanics off to chow to do the hand off with the morning shift.  On my way out of the hangar and walking toward the mess tents, I was about taken out by a John Deere Gator that was way overloaded with people: both seats, occupied; front rack, two butts seated on it; cargo bed, two lawn chairs with a person in each holding another person in their lap each.  Eight people in all hauling up the road at all of about 15 mph.  5 seconds later about get taken out again by another Gator, this one with a blue whoopee light on it.  Could not believe I was witnessing a "high-speed" Gator chase on the main road on Kandahar during a deployment.  My only hope was that it wasn't my unit involved, to which I was about to be disappointed as the first Gator stopped near our living area and 7 of the 8 people proceeded to make themselves scarce while the 8th surrendered to the MPs declaring as loud as he could, "Who am I?  I'm CW4 (withheld) F'ing (withheld)!  What you gonna do about it?"  We were 1 aviation company of the 101st attached to two BCTs of the 82nd.  Needless to say the rest of our deployment was not pretty.

Response by Cpl David Hall made Mar 7 at 2014 12:32 AM

2014-03-07T00:32:11-05:00

So one day in sunny California flying around in a phrog and getting some training, my SGT was in the middle of telling me NEVER under any circumstances lean more than 1/4 out over the number one hatch even with a belt on the hatch catches were weak and WOULD open with out the MA deuce mounts,, undoubtedly he needed to show me as well as he leaned on the hatch it popped open and out he fell dangling by his belt we hovered over the tarmac for about 35 minutes so someone could get a mattress that he could land on so the bird could put down.... the second funniest thing was in MCAS yuma where a young officer got flustered ejected from his lawn dart (harrier) and then the harrier corrected it self and hovered for a little over an hour with no pilot...and yet I still have a few more. 

Response by SPC(P) Delcina Myers made Mar 16 at 2014 11:32 PM

2014-03-16T23:32:31-04:00

My first unit and I was on Operation Waterfall in Winfield, MO in 2008. (Youtube 2008 mississippi levee breech - this is what im talking about)...<div><br></div><div>I was sitting on the tail gate of a 10-08 taking a water/smoke break from sandbagging and was standing beside my Platoon Sergeant, SFC Lee, and Team Leader, SGT Thomas. All of a sudden, people start breaking out in clapping... Why? I dont know. But my response was, "looks like someones got a case of the claps." SFC Lee and SGT Thomas busted out laughing, then I caught what I said, which made me laugh as well. </div><div><br></div><div>Also, the same week: We were at a different location (still sandbagging, of course) and this new female 2LT wants a ride in the firefighters boat to look downstream. Good idea. As she is coming back, a fish jumps out of the water and slaps her in the face, and the most girly, blood-curdling scream came from her tiny chest. Now THAT, is epic... Yes, a 2LT... You'd expect this from a fuzzy patch or lower enlisted "good-two shoes" private who's afraid to break a nail and get sand in her... boots. :/... This is also the same state-side deployment where my knee gave out and I was given a counseling statement for "faulting from duties" by a fat POS female NCO who later sprung an ankle to get out of sandbagging... Then babied it for a year. Honestly, this unit wasn't the greatest. But funny memories in the beginning. <br><br>Backtrack... Basic training, towards the end. We're marching back from Chow and our SDS was leading cadence, "Yabba Dabba Doo". As we're marching in place, he's getting into the cadence and not watching where he is going... He ran into a drain pipe on a pillar at our barracks. Pretty funny, as well. </div>

Response by SSG Dave Rogers made Mar 24 at 2014 6:38 PM

2014-03-24T18:38:11-04:00

I had just joined an aviation unit from an infantry unit as their supply SGT in Korea. The new commander who had just made CPT trying to prove himself and beat his wife who was the commander of the other unit on movement exercises, asked me to lead a my squad on attacks against the unit as practice. He invited his spouse as a way to show her how prepared he was to beat her and her unit. He gave me 1 week to train my squad, which consisted of 4 Korean soldiers and 1 American soldier, They thought for sure they would out do us. Little did the commander know that even though I was a logistical manager I was also an 11 Bravo. He thought I was merely in an infantry unit as a 92Y. I trained my guys well, and when the time came, not only did we take the camp, but we were able to seize the command tent. Needless to say I was on night watch and required to act as club MP for some time after that, but it was worth it to see the look on their faces. 

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 31 at 2014 11:48 AM

2014-03-31T11:48:03-04:00

The funniest thing I remember from my time in service was one guy from my first unit.  This guy (will remain anonymous) would be spotted going on a 5 mile run through DC at 3am when the rest of us were coming back from the bars.  Anyway, one day he was caught scaling the outside of the barracks building on the second floor with a baking sheet of cookies in the middle of the night.  Our rooms had a common "kitchen area" but we had a full kitchen with an oven for each floor separate from the rooms.  We were kind of confused about this, but when asked about it he said that he said that he had a craving for cookies and didn't want to look bad in front of the other Soldiers because he recently put on a few pounds.  This was hilarious, because he was in very good shape, scored well above 300 on the APFT, and he had 6-pack abs.  He just decided it would be more discreet if he scaled the side of the building from his barracks room window to the kitchen window to make his cookies.  And, yes, he was completely sober.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 7 at 2014 2:19 AM

2014-04-07T02:19:58-04:00

I was working a court-martial once where the mother of the accused was on the stand during sentencing. She told everyone in the courtroom that her son was a gift from God and her deceased father. She went on the record and told the courtroom that her father had died and instead of crossing over his soul had inhabited her womb and nine months later her son was born. She then through a bible at me, which she stole from the hotel that morning that I picked her up from, and said I needed Jesus in my life.<div><br></div><div>Another case involved a witness testifying on the stand in a murder case. About 5 minutes into her testimony the judge stopped her from speaking and asked if she was chewing gum. She said yes and he told her to spit it out. She began to cry uncontrollably and just said over and over that she needed her gum to get her through the testimony. It was her way of relaxing and she had been doing it since she became a stripper the previous year. We were in recess for almost an hour before she calmed down enough to take the stand again.</div><div><br></div><div>I witnessed one defense attorney object to his own co-counsel on grounds of incompetence. The judge asked him on the record if he knew what he was doing and the attorney said, "yes your Honor. Why?" The judge just looked at him and said, "because you just objected to your own side based on your questioning being incompetent." We were in recess for a good hour on that one. </div><div><br></div><div>I could go on and and on and on..........</div>

Response by SSG Matt Murphy made Apr 7 at 2014 2:22 AM

2014-04-07T02:22:02-04:00

..just watched a bud/s school special where one applicant remarked:<br><br>MRE's - depending upon your digestive system, mean either Meals Ready to Exit, or Meals Refusing to Exit.<br>

Response by LTJG Robert M. made Apr 8 at 2014 9:47 AM

2014-04-08T09:47:14-04:00

Standing at Noon Quarters on the ships Fantail, 1984, going through Monthly Tropical Full Dress inspection.  Seagull flew overhead and dirtybombed our CWO, white striped his cover, ribbons, pants & Shoes.  Whole department lost it, CO didn't have heart to continue & dismissed crew!<br>

Response by SSG Mark Ives made Apr 17 at 2014 5:19 PM

2014-04-17T17:19:35-04:00

<div><span style="color: rgb(77, 77, 77); font-size: 12px;">When I was a young E-4 in a Pershing firing battery in Germany in 1980, I was working in our NBC room at our Combat Alert Site (CAS). We had a visit by Chief of Staff of the Army, General Meyer. The General and assorted staff came around to talk with soldiers in the unit. When he came to the NBC room, he asked me what my MOS was and what my position was. Well, being it was in the post-Vietnam era and being lower enlisted, we had a nickname for our MOS (15E) as being 15 Enema's. I blurted out 15 Enema to the General and immediately embarrassingly corrected myself as 15 Echo. Some of the looks I got from my Bn staff, CSM & 1SG, I thought I'd be pulling extra duty till I PCS'ed! Later in an informal formation, the General went around asking what different MOS's were present. He asked how many 15 Enema's were present as he looked at me and smiled. That definitely got a laugh! My 1SG was more forgiving with that response!</span><br></div>

Response by CPT Jacob Swartout made May 22 at 2014 10:46 PM

2014-05-22T22:46:50-04:00

Some bored Soldiers made the "Staff Corporal" rank. They cut off the top chevron on the SSG rank and gave it to someone for their promotion for hard work.

Response by SSG Matt Murphy made Aug 5 at 2014 12:28 AM

2014-08-05T00:28:24-04:00

The 6987th Security Sq was a very small Tri-Service base on top of a mountain in Taiwan.

The new 1st Shirt and the New Admin butter bar posted a directive that as we were so small and everyone knew all the officers, salutes would be rendered to officers regardless of either of us being in or out of uniform. I know...not kosher, but as they both were not allowed in the highly classified ops area, they did not have much to do.

When the were taking their rounds on base, they passed another "troop" in civilian clothes who did not salute.

The 1st Sgt proceeded to lecture him for a few minutes in a very loud command voice about his "violation" of not saluting. Quite a number of us were close enough to observe this spectacle, and awaited the poor troops demise.

The 1st Sgt, after finishing his dressing down, asked the troop what his name and rank was, to which he replied:

"I am John Doe, and I am a Lt in the United States Navy".

Silence.

The 1st Sgt took two steps back, saluted, and THAT was the end of that policy.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 5 at 2014 12:36 AM

2014-08-05T00:36:15-04:00

My last deployment was with a black hawk flight company. We had brought a handful of maintenance support with us. When we got to A-stan, the CAB that we fell into took our non-flyers and put them in their maintenance company. Well those guys weren't a huge fan of that idea and after a few weeks had gotten pretty ornery.

One day one of our more sarcastic crew chiefs went over to say hi and ended up in a verbal altercation with one of our mechanics which ended with the mechanic telling the crew chief to "go eat a spaghetti bag of D's".

Fast foward a few weeks... the bag o' D's thing had caught on in the flight company and turned into a big joke. One evening after returning from a flight, I was having some issues with the visor on my helmet not working right. Since I had been out flying all day one of the other CCs offered to clean it for me so I could go get chow and crash. I didn't think anything of it and said "ok, thanks".

Next day I had a 0400 showtime for a 0600 take off. I went through the routine I had developed and got ready to go. We take off and start our taxi service route for the day.

At one point we had an operator on board that was sitting in the seat to my left. It was cold out so my nose was running. I flipped up my visor and opened my face shield so that the inside was facing the operater. As I was wiping my nose I saw the guy laughing about something but I shrugged it of and closed my face shield.

Later on in the day we had landed at one of those bases with all the Afghans and their US "advisors". We were unloading on my side so I was out of the aircraft. The ground controller.. a female SFC.. came out to the aircraft and was trying to ask me a question. I was having a hard time hearing here with the helicopter running and all so I flipped up my visor and opened my face shield so I could pull my helmet away from my head. As soon as the inside of my face shield was visible to her SHE started laughing. I was like... wtf is so funny today. I unclipped my face shield from my helmet and looked and lo and behold... the crew chief that had so kindly squared away my visor had apparently gotten bored and found a label maker.. On the inside of my shield was a label that read "BAG O' D's". At least a couple of people were able to have a laugh that day even if it was at my expense.

Response by SSG Pete Fleming made Aug 5 at 2014 3:54 AM

2014-08-05T03:54:23-04:00

Back in the early 90's the last of the Jeeps were sold off from the military. (I don't know how many remember them or the auctions). I was assigned to 'assist' at the motor pool with prepping them for auction. The base price was something like $200 (correct me if anyone remembers). Basically they were cannibalizing some and getting as many as they could in proper condition.

The motor pool Sergeant said to me and my fellow 'volunteers' pick out a jeep and trailer, they would give them special attention (of course at their own pace). At the time I was maybe 19, I didn't want some old jeep (yeah I know). Well we all said no thank you. Several months later I got tasked to assist in the motor pool again (now I had time to reconsider) I asked the motor pool Sergeant if he had enough left to put together a good one. He said yes, if not he would be able to scrounge up what was needed... however... they were no longer allowed to sell them. Someone had deemed them a safety risk and the remaining ones were to be cut in half and sold as scrap! (at least that's what he said, and I had no reason to doubt him.)

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 5 at 2014 8:05 AM

2014-08-05T08:05:58-04:00

I got a story that happened a few months back. I was sitting on rear D last year acting as the company 1SG. So here's how it goes. Its morning Formation, private starts running up late and not only is he late, he's running in front of the BN formation. He runs up and he looks like he doesn't know where he's going. He then stops in front of C Co. and turns into the direction of BDE HHC, so that's where he's going to go. But here's the thing, he's about to walk in front of my formation (Alpha) or better yet in between me and my platoon. So here's how it goes...

SGT Eashman: STOP!!! What are you doing?
Private: I'm looking for SFC Hines (his 1SG) formation SGT?
SGT Eashman: This is SFC Hines formation. Why are you about to run in front of my formation private? What company are you in? (Mind you I'm ready to skull drag this kid from Ft. Hood to Ft. Campbell, since he looked right at me and kept going)
Private: Alpha, SGT (at parade rest)
SGT Eashman: This is Alpha, fall in, the flag is about to go off, I'll deal with you after that (I'm saying in my mind, WHO THE F#@K are you?!?!? Never seen this kid in my life). Plus I look at my CW2 who was the acting company commander and he’s looking at me like “who the hell is that kid???”

Flag goes off, PSGs take charge of your platoon and conduct PT

SGT Eashman: Now who are you?
Private: I'm Private Cheetos, SGT
SGT Eashman: Why haven't I've been tracking you then? What's your MOS?
Private: 11B, SGT
SGT Eashman: 11B? And they told you to come over here (Now of course I'm thinking since he's a fuzzy, he's either brand new out of basic or is being chaptered)
Private: I don't know SGT, I woke up late and I was going to try and get over to the company. I've been here for about a week now
SGT Eashman: Well we're headed to the company now, but you've been here for a week?
Private: Roger SGT, I woke up late and I was just trying to get to formation in time, my unit is over there (points in the opposite direction of the company) I'm in Bravo, 1-502 IN
SGT Eashman: WTF!?!?! This BSTB, get out of here before I take your core temperature!!!

Got to love soldiers, but I think I really should of just took his core temperature. My old 1SG taught me that…..ha ha ha

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 5 at 2014 11:21 AM

2014-08-05T11:21:04-04:00

Ok so there I was...no shit......Im in the shopette gettin my pogey bait for class and on my way out I see a SPC. As I normally do with just about every soldier I give him a quick once-over and notice his trousers are falling apart at the seams. Conversation ( however brief) went like this:
Me: Say there highspeed.
Soldier: Yes SSG?
Me: Word of advice. You might want to invest in another pair of trousers, they're falling apart at the seams.
Soldier: Roger, I didnt know.
Me: O_o

Now this is where I have my concern. Normally I'd give a soldier the benefit of the doubt, but his trousers looked as if the family dog got ahold of it. C'mon guy, you mean to tell me that when you got dressed this morning you didnt see your trousers and said to yourself I might need to buy another pair or pick another to wear? Its not the violation that bothers me but the insult to my intelligence. Quit buying 2 and 3 packs of cigs and maintain your basic issue. Mere words doesnt do this story any justice...if I could've taken a picture I would.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 6 at 2014 2:22 PM

2014-08-06T14:22:10-04:00

While serving on the Nimitz, we called an newbie lawyer down for a pap smear. He ran after we got out the stirrups!!

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 3 at 2014 7:13 PM

2014-09-03T19:13:03-04:00

Around 1AM dispatch received a call about a possible dead body on Douglas St. adjacent Vandegrift Blvd. by the back gate to Camp Pendleton. I was the area supervisor for mainside, so I was dispatched to check it out. I responded as well as Oceanside Police Department (OPD) because of blurred jurisdiction lines. We both arrived to the general area of the supposed body and began to look around. We find what looks to be an adult body laying face down on the side of the road in some grass. I approach the body to check for a pulse, bear in mind that cars are going by the whole time watching this take place. I feel for a pulse and find out that it is clothes sewn together to look like a body with a mask sewn on the head. The OPD Officer comes over and looks and starts to laugh, so I start laughing too. People driving by are wondering why we are laughing with a body on the ground. The OPD officer bends down picks it up and throws it to the front of the car, runs over and starts stomping on his head. The looks on the faces of the people driving by, utter terror. He then picks it up takes it to the back of his car and starts slamming the trunk lid down on it several times. People are still driving by. As he puts the thing in his trunk I asked if he would like me to throw it away or if he was. He says he is going to keep it because he is going to put it somewhere else to see how many calls they could get on it. Boring nights on watch.

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 3 at 2014 7:48 PM

2014-09-03T19:48:25-04:00

I am Patrolling during night shift by Las Pulgas on Camp Pendleton. It is evening, and has just become dark. As I am driving down the road, I am aware of a large grey object in front of me that is just coming into view of my headlights. As I get closer I see that it is actually a car that is driving down the road with no taillights. I light him up and pull the vehicle over. As I walk up I notice that this is an '80's model Chevy Camero. It has black tinted window, and gray primer all over it. There is no license plate, where the tail lights are supposed to be are bare wires, the tires are bald, no headlights, no dash lights, no wipers, no registration, no driver’s license, no insurance and the door doesn’t close. Plus the guy driving it could not see out the windshield because it had a radiator leak and the window was covered in coolant and dirt. So the guy is hanging his head out of the window with a flashlight, while trying to hold the door in place.
He was a civilian who had come on base to pick up a friend of his, and they were on their way off base again. How he got on base, I have no idea. I gather all this information as I am walking up and this guy, starts mouthing off to me. Calling me all kinds of uncreative names... I mean really if you are going to bother to insult and mouth off to an officer of the law, at least have the courtesy of being creative and original. After all it makes it easier to swallow when you end up in hand cuffs and behind bars. Anyway he starts to mouthing off to me, and basically wanting to know why I have pulled him over. After all he is a civilian and I can’t do a thing to him.... <chuckle> <chuckle> (this is going to be fun)
I proceed to ask him for driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. His passenger, who is the Marine he has come to pick up, is constantly telling him to shut the fuck up, because "These MP's don’t f@$# around!!" I advise the individual he should listen to his friend. He tells me I can go f@$# myself and gets back in his car ready to leave. I chuckle again, reach in and grab him by the collar bone and armpit and drag him out through his window. I then proceed to handcuff him and leave him face down on the road behind his car. I had to call my supervisor over with his ticket book, because I ran out of tickets. After all was said and done, he had 17 tickets that totaled over 3K. The thing he did not reckon on, MP’s had the ability to write military tickets as well as federal tickets. He then had to go down before a federal magistrate to get the whole thing taken care of. It sucked to be him.
After I wrote all the tickets, and un-locked one of his handcuffs, handcuffing the other to his back belt loop, he signed all the citations. Not to happily might I add. I then un-cuff him, he gets back into his car and is about to drive off when I advise him that his vehicle is unsafe and I will not allow him to drive the vehicle on "MY BASE". He asks how he supposed to get home; I said I didn’t care as long as he didn’t drive on my base. He asked how far the gate was, I told him 3.5 miles. So him and his friend get out and start pushing the car. I stayed behind him with my amber lights flashing, while I ate my sandwich, and drank some coffee. When he gets to the gate, he hops in and starts his car up. I light him up again, he is swearing profusely, and is very agitated. He started screaming about jurisdiction and lack of authority. Oh the uninformed. California is a police state and law enforcement have jurisdiction everywhere. Anyway, I tell him that he just reached the gate, but federal property actually extends another 300 yards. He and his buddy had to get out and push another 300 yards. He then got in his car and became someone else problem. I never did see that car on base again.

Response by CPO Jon Campbell made Sep 3 at 2014 8:27 PM

2014-09-03T20:27:50-04:00

While at a reserve, seasonal small boat station, we had a guy named Frenchie who had been around for ever, but was a royal screw-up. He was a fun guy, but just couldn't get it together. The Captain (O6) from district came up to do an inspection. Everything was going ok, until Frenchie stepped out of line, leaned over and pulled a gold Irish pennant off one of the Captain's shoulder boards. The Captain's face turned this ashen color. Frenchie then reached out with his other hand, picked up the Captain's hand, placed the Irish pennant in the Captain's h and closed his fingers over. He patted him on the shoulder and said: "Irish pennant. The trash can is over there Captain." The Captain's face turned several shades before settling into a deep, dark livid red. He motioned for the OINC and the XPO. They went outside and butts were chewed. I don't think anyone spoke for days after that.

Response by MCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 4 at 2014 12:25 AM

2014-09-04T00:25:35-04:00

I was in Korea, 5/20th Infantry (Mech) back in 86'-87'. A buddy and I decided to do nothing one day (yes, yes we did), so we reported to the bowling alley. We stood outside the door, both of us "At Ease" - one with hands loosely clasped behind, the other in front, facing opposite directions... talking quietly. Every 15 minutes or so, we switched our hand positions. As Officers walked by, we'd snap to and salute. At 1130 we reported for chow, then at 1300 we reported back to the bowling alley.

Around 1515, the BRIGADE Sergeant Major comes by and goes in. We snapped to Parade Rest and greeted him and he told us to carry on.

Three minutes later, he pops his head back out of the door and quietly asks, "Men, what are you doing here?"

Not skipping a beat, we both responded, "Lollygagging, Sergeant Major." He gets quiet, then asks, "How long have you been here?" "Since 0815 this morning, Sergeant Major."

More silence. Then he smiles and says, "Get the hell out of here, and don't try this again."

"Roger that, Sergeant Major!"

Response by Cpl Dennis F. made Sep 7 at 2014 8:17 PM

2014-09-07T20:17:01-04:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNySdq6i36c

In lieu of a story here's a clip from my old Super-8 films.
There are quite a few stories therein.

Video 04 25 May 09, 10h13am nui c co rpg thai

2nd Plt. C.Co. 1st Tanks 1sy MarDiv 1967-68 RVN

Response by PO2 Rocky Kleeger made Sep 27 at 2014 10:22 PM

2014-09-27T22:22:38-04:00

By far, the funniest story I have is the one about the CPO that gave our division orders not to talk to any E-7, or above, unless he's present.

Two weeks later, the XO was visiting his night check and stopped by our shop. When he asked what we thought of something, we told him we couldn't talk to him on Chief's orders...he called maintenance control and asked the chief to go to the chief's berthing and ask this chief to report to our shop...it was 0215.

Response by Cpl Dennis F. made Nov 27 at 2014 8:24 PM

2014-11-27T20:24:57-05:00

There is an old joke about riding shotgun on a garbage truck.

In RVN I actually caught this duty one day. I had to pick up an M60 and ride with the semi-solids truck driver to the dump to keep the indig that lived there off of the truck until it could be emptied of its cargo of 55 gallon drums full of semi-solids from our mess that were dumped from the tail gate. They would attempt to swarm the truck as soon as we arrived. This definitely brought home the fact that we were not in Kansas anymore.

Later we would set up a hog farm and those slops would be sent there. The hogs were starving because the Viet's were cutting out the middle man and intercepting the slops. A really sad state of existence.

Response by MCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 20 at 2014 3:21 PM

2014-12-20T15:21:10-05:00

I just thought of another.

We were having the last inspection of an IG inspection at our unit (Army, Fort Polk, circa 1988). The last thing was a knock-down, drag-out dress greens uniform inspection (why? No clue). As we were getting into formation, a fellow E-5 and I were passing the XO - a 1LT with a degree in MUSIC (keep in mind that this was an INFANTRY company!!).

As we saluted and passed him, I noticed that he was totally frazzled. I hollered out, "Oh, crap! Sir!! Your rank on your epaulettes is upside down!" The guy panicked and started spinning like a dog trying to catch his tail. My buddy and I stopped him, unbuttoned his epaulettes, took the silver bars off - turned them 180 degrees, repinned them - and rebuttoned his epaulettes. Then we ran to get into formation after we wiped the fingerprints off.

The inspection went well... and the CO was about to dismiss us when the XO _TOTALLY_ broke protocol and asked to address the company. He walked to the front and thanked us all for our performance over the last week, especially to Sergeants Fancher and Motyka for personally making sure that everything went well and for saving his career.

It was everything we could do to keep from laughing.

Response by SGT Linda Moss made Jan 18 at 2017 4:07 AM

2017-01-18T04:07:46-05:00

ok this did not happen to be but it did happen in my basic training unit. We are out on training .. so in the middle off the night the Drill Sgt starts yelling GAS GAS .. next thing you hear is the little voice going "bur Drill Sgt I can't find my gas mask." that and when some one opened their gas mask case a pair of sock and a orange go falling out..
When I got to AIT the males decided to call some what off colour cadence .. ok the females decided to return the favor.. problem was WAC cadence was a lot dirtier the male... " oh mam mam cant you see what the army done to me. took away my loving man now I sleep with Uncle Sam."

Response by Lt Col Kurtis Sutley made Jan 19 at 2017 11:45 PM

2017-01-19T23:45:43-05:00

1991 Ft. Benning. I had just arrived at the Brigade TACP to take over command of the AF Det. supporting the 3rd Brigade, 24th ID (Mech). They had recently returned from the first Gulf war and were on FTX. The outgoing commander picked me up and we headed out to meet and greet the men. As we arrived in the AO the First Sargent and Admin NCOIC were stripping down to take a "shower" taking advantage of a pop-up rain shower. Just as they both got lathered up real good it quit raining. There stood my two senior NCOs lathered up lily white and nothing to rinse it off. They had to partially dress, go over to the buffalos in the HHC area and carry buckets of water back to our area, disrobe and rinse off. Never trust a Georgia rain shower. Great guys but they did inspire some great stories. NTC Ft. Irwin helped.

Response by TSgt J.L. Brown Jr made Jul 19 at 2018 2:15 AM

2018-07-19T02:15:23-04:00

During desert shield we still had to maintain load crew proficiency, but the guy in charge broke the rules when having to load train with live weapons. The minimum amount of people with the minimum amount of explosives for the minimum time. They decided to put the load training in a huge twin tube tabvee, that had our can birds, pmel, electronic sheds, and oh yeah not to mention the complete command. If anything had gone wrong it would have taken out just about all our war fighting capabilities. So finally had our shop meeting, the head of weapons was at the front of the table, he ask if anyone had any questions. I ask who was the genius hat put us in the big tabvee, the worst idea. The chief spoke up. It was mine. As they say. Oh well someone's always a wiseass.

Response by CPL Peter King made Sep 28 at 2018 11:45 PM

2018-09-28T23:45:06-04:00

I was in a bar in Germany, drinking with my Bundeswehr buddies. In walked a Dutch soldier. The duty “hero” stood up and German said “let’s get him”

Everyone in the bar stood up! Our hero, thinking he has the support of the entire bar. The bar tender pointed out “Those tables British Army”, those tables “Luftwaffe”, Kriegsmarine, Herr”, those guys “US Army”

Response by CPL Peter King made Sep 29 at 2018 12:07 AM

2018-09-29T00:07:43-04:00

Someone going for a “shovel recce” closely followed by someone with a “thunder flash”

Or

Someone going for a dump, the whole tank squadron turned the searchlights in him. Can’t get no privacy.

Or

A craftsman dissing the unit, broom handle through the sleeves of his coveralls, hooked on to 2 gun barrels and elevated. Squealed like a pig, as the fellas were “lifted and separated”

Response by CPT Robert Boshears made Oct 6 at 2018 3:08 PM

2018-10-06T15:08:14-04:00

A newly promoted E2 in the Navy. I was hanging over the Rear Starboard side, chipping paint. I felt my main rope being moved... the ship’s Bosun (a CW4 who served in WW2, Korea and Vietnam. He was calmly cutting my life line and was asking me where my life vest was. This was not good. He laughed then with my life line pulled me up. He just said, you going over the side without a flotation device.

Response by SGT Mike Soter made Dec 31 at 2020 4:27 PM

2020-12-31T16:27:44-05:00

Best story I remember when I was at the gas chamber during 11B OSUT Harmony church, Ft. Benning. The NCOIC and Drill Sergeants told us that once we left the chamber to grab the rope to our side and follow it. What they failed to tell us is that they tied it to a tree so that we all bounced off said tree like blind lemmings...

Once your eyes cleaned up enough to see, we all enjoyed those that followed us afterwards.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Dec 20 at 2021 10:28 PM

2021-12-20T22:28:42-05:00

It was nighttime at Ft Hood and I was in the sensing tank. Essentially, I watched another tank fire at a target that popped up. Longhorn steers are free to graze in the fields of the post. I identified a steer eating. The target pops up. He shot but the target was still up. I noticed the steer was gone. He hit the steer with a 120 mm round. I am sure the steer became hamburger meat because I detected no heat from the steer. Large chunks of meat from the steer would give a heat signature. The radio went silent.

Several years later I was saw him in Iraq and was astonished he made 1SG. Sometimes the impossible is possible.

Response by SPC Roger Giffen made Dec 24 at 2021 12:05 PM

2021-12-24T12:05:38-05:00

My roomie at Ft Huachuca designed his own rank. Command PFC Major. Cut down a CSM patch to just the upper chevron and upper rocker. Kept the star and wreath and glued it to his bumper

Response by CWO4 Tim Hecht made Dec 28 at 2021 6:23 PM

2021-12-28T18:23:03-05:00

Not my story; I have a few but these two were related to me by the soldier’s father and verified by the soldier. Similar to Major Motupalli’s MRAP a story. My friend’s son was the Colonel’s and SGTMAJ’s driver. At a stop everyone exited the vehicle except the driver. A few moments later someone yelled OMG Corporal X is down, he’s been hit. Running to his aid his head was a bloody mess. Thinking the worst a Medivac Dustoff was called for. As the hello was landing both the Colonel and SGTMAG grab him and run to the chopper. So what happened to Corporal X? When exiting the MRAP he failed to ensure the door was locked open. As he exited the vehicle the heavy door hit him in the head causing a huge gash and sending him, out cold to the ground!

The other involved a pair of boots and a new SGTMAJ. While in theater the Colonel authorized his soldiers to buy and wear a better boot then the issued combat boots. Returning stateside the unit received a new SGTMAJ. One morning the new SGTMAJ lit up our erstwhile Corporal about his “non-regulation” boots. Along comes the Colonel who stops and listens to the one sided conversation he interrupts the SGTMAJ and asks what the problem was. The SGTMAJ related that the Corporal was wearing “non” regulation boots and ordered him to show up at formation the next morning in regulation boots. The Colonel looked down at his own boots (same as the Corporal’s) and asked the SGTMAJ if his boots were ok? The next words were “SGTMAJ why not take a walk with me and we’ll talk about boots and other things.”

Response by SFC Glenn Boyer made Jan 11 at 2022 10:34 AM

2022-01-11T10:34:26-05:00

Way back in the 70,s I was a drill SGT. We had a kid get off the bus shaking so bad we called him earthquake. Few days later I briefed him how to report to the ISGT for his meal card and might of expanded how mean the ISGT was. That’s when he really started shaking. He went in reported as briefed and threw up all over Tops desk. Top always blamed me for that saying I did it on purpose. Well maybe!

Response by PO2 Steve Wikert made Jan 11 at 2022 7:05 PM

2022-01-11T19:05:42-05:00

My First night in Vietnam. Myself and about 80 other Navy vets arrive in Danang about noon May 14th 1970. It was sunny and the temperature was above 100 and it was already horribly humid. I was only 19 and didn't even know for sure what the heck I was going to be doing over there. (I ended up being a MP in jeep patrols.) We arrived at Camp Tien Sha Naval Support Activity Danang.and were taken to the transient barracks. We were given just a few instructions. First that we would be contacted the next day to find out where we were going to be placed. Second was that if we heard sirens we were to yell "Red Alert, red alert, rocket attack, rocket attack!!!!" And then to grab a flak jacket on the barracks wall and proceed immediately to the sandbagged bunker right next to the barracks. Third we were instructed on where to find the EM Club just a few blocks down the street and that anybody could drink in Vietnam whatever their age. Need I tell you I drank more beers that night than I could count. Most of which I sweat off. That night in bed as I went to sleep I thought, "well at least we did not have to fight our way over to our base from the Danang Air Base as many of us probably thought might happen." About 0400 hours I woke up to hearing a siren. I thought "Holy Shit it's a rocket attack. Upon which I immediately screamed out, "Red Alert, red alert, rocket attack, rocket attack!!!!" Well it was quite a site seeing 80 men in their skivvies scrambling to get their flak jacket and all trying to get through one screen door and into a bunker THEIR FIRST NIGHT IN A WAR ZONE! So all of us were standing in this musty smelling bunker with sand between our toes when the real truth came out! As it turned out the transient barracks was right next to Sick Bay. And the siren was just an ambulance bringing someone in. I collectively heard some of the worst cursing I had ever head and I was a sailor. One man next to me said "If I catch the the SOB who yelled Red Alert I am going to kill the MFer." (fearing for my health) I quickly thought up a good response to his response and said "ME TOO!"

Response by SSG Eric Blue made Jan 12 at 2022 7:10 PM

2022-01-12T19:10:31-05:00

I don't know about "my BEST story", but I got a bunch of 'em that I like! This one happened in Texas. I was a Bass Section Leader in the 82nd Airborne Division's All-American Chorus at the time. We had been invited up to Hill Country to sing for the opening ceremonies of the PGA Tour this particular year. We ended up opening for Kenny Rogers, Isaac Rich of Big & Rich, and Wynonna Judd! We also got front-row seating to watch them perform! After their show, I was the only one to get non-group photos with them, which was REALLY cool! I didn't think this night could get any better! Then after we change into civvies, we went downstairs to unwind with some drinks. NOT ONE SINGLE GUEST let us pay for our own drinks! In gratitude, we formed four-man and five-man groups and sang personal performances for the various groups who were buying our drinks. One of my best nights!

Response by SPC George Allen made Jan 12 at 2022 9:57 PM

2022-01-12T21:57:06-05:00

In '84 I was in San Antonio and was detailed to drive a Reserve MG around downtown San Antonio for meetings at various venues. The first morning I was driving him downtown He asked me if I was Alright? Very confused I told him I was fine and asked him why he was asking? He explained that in downtown San Antonio street lights are on the side of the road and since I had just run the last three red lights he thought he should make sure I was alright or if he should get a cab. Made for interesting topics of conversation for the rest of the detail.

Response by SMSgt Robin Wright made Jan 13 at 2022 1:16 AM

2022-01-13T01:16:03-05:00

I was the First Sergeant for a large maintenance squadron. Had a young airman come see me one day who'd been in the AF for about 8 months. He told me he wanted to get out because he'd decided he made the wrong decision and the AF wasn't for him. I tried to delve deeper to see if he had some kind of problem he was keeping to himself, but his whole reason was because he didn't like the AF. So I explained to him he'd be sticking around and not liking the AF wasn't a good reason for the AF to let him go. He then asked me if he could to military personnel and ask them. I said sure, but take your time, you've got 3 years to get there.

Response by Sgt Dennis Doty made Jan 14 at 2022 3:39 PM

2022-01-14T15:39:21-05:00

1969 2dLAAMBn, MCAS Yuma. A young 2dLt is walking across the hangar and encounters the BnSgtMaj.
"Good afternoon, Sergeant Major."
"Lieutenant, I thought I told you to get a haircut yesterday."
"Yes, Sergeant Major, but..."
Grabbing the young officer by his lapel, "Come with me."
An hour later, I'm in the Bn HQ when the Colonel sends for the Sergeant Major.
A young liieutenant with a fresh "high and tight" leaves the office as the Sergeant Major enters.
"Sergeant Major, you have to quit f^&*ing with my officers."
"Sir, if you'll square your officers away, I won't have to."
"Dismissed."
As the Sergeant Major leaves, we can both hear the Colonel chuckling.

Response by PO1 David Haney made Jan 15 at 2022 1:11 AM

2022-01-15T01:11:18-05:00

My best Military related story was when I was stationed onboard a Ammunition ship at my 18th year of my 21 year Navy Career and it had a fire where we stored the ammunition. It was my ships turn to rotate overseas (Asia) in support of the fleet. Our mission was to take ammunition to a Navy base then pick up more. When we arrived in Japan we had sensitive ammunition onboard and had to anchor 4 miles from shore. One early morning between 1 to 4 am one of our shipmates ran downstairs to our berthing area and shouted, Fire, Fire, Get Up. As I'm getting dressed I'm thinking, Oh great there's a fire and I'm on an Ammunition Ship. When I got up on deck where the Captain is waiting, a report comes to him that it was too smokey and dark to see how to put the fire out.
The Captain says, start the Ships Engines. That meant we were going to go further out to sea so that if we blew up we wouldn't take part of Japan with us. Panic started in my mind because we were trapped onboard the ship with no way to get off since we're anchored 4 miles out to sea. But suddenly I heard in my mind, Pray. My prayer was, God I'm 1000's of nautical miles from home, my family doesn't know what's happening to me. I've got 3 years to retire, Do I die now? I felt a peace come over me.
Half our 200 man crew was on shore having a good time and for obvious reasons weren't allowed to come back to the ship to help. But what seemed like just a few minutes after my Prayer, One of our
shipmates rented a boat taxi and came back to the ship anyway. And thank God he showed the fire team how to get to a better position to put the ship fire out. If he hadn't come back, and showed the fire team how to better fight the fire in the ammunition cargo hold, I wouldn't be here to share this
story with you.

Response by PFC David Gettman made Jan 15 at 2022 2:05 PM

2022-01-15T14:05:02-05:00

My best military related story? I lived to talk about this. The end.

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 15 at 2022 2:55 PM

2022-01-15T14:55:36-05:00

Well... since you asked: So... After being caught during an unapproved weekend with said Admirals Daughter, I found my-self flying a "Gooney Bird" full of rubber dog excrement and 1 case of Scotch out of Hong Kong. There I was bright sunny day, 18,000feet, feet wet, and hundred miles from nowhere when I hear a stutter... #1 out... Geeze... I calm down, make an assessment... then again a stutter Holy Sheeeeit #2 out. So lets picture this 18,000ft, over the ocean, no parachute and both my engines are out.....To be continued....LOL!

Response by PO2 Evan Pruss made Jan 15 at 2022 4:24 PM

2022-01-15T16:24:40-05:00

You can't tell any of the realy good stories on a public forum like this.

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 15 at 2022 4:33 PM

2022-01-15T16:33:21-05:00

Response by PO1 Frank Reiffenstein made Jan 15 at 2022 9:34 PM

2022-01-15T21:34:29-05:00

The day the Challenger blew up,the USS UNDERWOOD FFG-36,was conducting lifeguard operations. When it blew up , moments later we were directed by the Coastguard to conduct search and rescue ops. For almost 2 weeks searched for parts. I will never forget that day , January 28 1986.

Response by CW4 John Wheatley made Jan 16 at 2022 12:43 PM

2022-01-16T12:43:32-05:00

A BG was inspecting our small installation in FRG and was in the latrine checking out the facilities. He was being followed by several other officers and ncos, he stepped into one of the latrine stalls and discovered an unflushed toilet .He was pissed and yelled out 'Whats this" a young 2Lt stepped forward and said looks like shit to me sir and flushed the toilet but.the toilet was clogged and over flowed The BG and 2Lt had many people behind them and could,nt get out of the stall quick enough to avoid the overflowing ended up with it all over their shoes.For some reason the inspection came to a halt.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 16 at 2022 11:44 PM

2022-01-16T23:44:34-05:00

Private First Class Troy Cardieu, a specialist in my detachment back at Camp Walker, was also on that course, and I think I will let him take up the story. This is how he remembered it:

DON'T JUST WALK IN A STRAIGHT LINE from point A to point B, they told us, because there are farmers fields out here and rice paddies, and you could fall and hurt yourself, or you could drown in a pool of shit. Well nobody tells Lieutenant Pike what to do. I already had my points so I was taking my remaining time to nap under a tree before turning in my answers. I was just sitting underneath of that tree with my kevlar helmet down over my eyes and just catching forty winks. All of a sudden this stench of feces and urine just washes over me, enough so that it woke me up. I look up and I see one of those chem lights that we had to use so they could find us if they needed to, and I turn on my tac-light and I shine it up at the person standing in front of me. I see Lieutenant Pike in a red glow and all he is wearing is his kevlar helmet, his LBE with a gas mask on it and his boots, and he is in his underwear, just standing there in his tighty-whities, and he has just got shit all over him.
I look up and I go – ‘Sir!’
‘Ah...’ He says. ‘I fell in some shit.’
‘I can smell that Sir.’
And he’s like – ‘I was walking on the rice paddies...’
I said – ‘Sir they told us not to walk on the rice paddies.’
‘I know.’
‘Sir where is your uniform?’
He told me that after he fell in the pig shit, he walked over to the farmers house and knocked on the door…the balls of this man! He knocks on their door, he’s standing there covered in pig and human shit and he tells the woman who came to the door.
‘I fell in your pig shit.’
The poor woman can see that, and she can smell it. She doesn’t speak any English, but motions to him to come inside, strip out of all of his clothes, and somehow, even though didn't speak any Korean, he complies. He strips down to his underwear in front of this unfamiliar woman and she promises to bring his uniform back after she cleans it, and he is ok with that. So he was on his way back to camp when he ran into me.
He gets back to camp and pulls his stretcher out of the tent and sleeps that night under a tree. Next morning he has a shower and appears on parade in his PT kit, and everyone was like – ‘Do you plan on participating today?’ And he was like – ‘Yeah I am just waiting on someone.’
And they all looked at each other asking who the hell Lieutenant Pike could you be waiting for in the middle of the woods on the DMZ? Next thing you know here comes this little Ajumma woman, she comes running up, and she bows, and she’s got his clothes folded and pressed, and he ends up wearing the crispest uniform.8 He just takes it, bows back to her, and walks back to his tent as if nothing happened.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 16 at 2022 11:54 PM

2022-01-16T23:54:51-05:00

Story below is Almost dying in shit, unable to get out, alone and dark on a night time land navigation coursePrivate First Class Troy Cardieu, a specialist in my detachment back at Camp Walker, was also on that course, and I think I will let him take up the story. This is how he remembered it:

DON'T JUST WALK IN A STRAIGHT LINE from point A to point B, they told us, because there are farmers fields out here and rice paddies, and you could fall and hurt yourself, or you could drown in a pool of shit. Well nobody tells Lieutenant Pike what to do. I already had my points so I was taking my remaining time to nap under a tree before turning in my answers. I was just sitting underneath of that tree with my kevlar helmet down over my eyes and just catching forty winks. All of a sudden this stench of feces and urine just washes over me, enough so that it woke me up. I look up and I see one of those chem lights that we had to use so they could find us if they needed to, and I turn on my tac-light and I shine it up at the person standing in front of me. I see Lieutenant Pike in a red glow and all he is wearing is his kevlar helmet, his LBE with a gas mask on it and his boots, and he is in his underwear, just standing there in his tighty-whities, and he has just got shit all over him.
I look up and I go – ‘Sir!’
‘Ah...’ He says. ‘I fell in some shit.’
‘I can smell that Sir.’
And he’s like – ‘I was walking on the rice paddies...’
I said – ‘Sir they told us not to walk on the rice paddies.’
‘I know.’
‘Sir where is your uniform?’
He told me that after he fell in the pig shit, he walked over to the farmers house and knocked on the door…the balls of this man! He knocks on their door, he’s standing there covered in pig and human shit and he tells the woman who came to the door.
‘I fell in your pig shit.’
The poor woman can see that, and she can smell it. She doesn’t speak any English, but motions to him to come inside, strip out of all of his clothes, and somehow, even though didn't speak any Korean, he complies. He strips down to his underwear in front of this unfamiliar woman and she promises to bring his uniform back after she cleans it, and he is ok with that. So he was on his way back to camp when he ran into me.
He gets back to camp and pulls his stretcher out of the tent and sleeps that night under a tree. Next morning he has a shower and appears on parade in his PT kit, and everyone was like – ‘Do you plan on participating today?’ And he was like – ‘Yeah I am just waiting on someone.’
And they all looked at each other asking who the hell Lieutenant Pike could you be waiting for in the middle of the woods on the DMZ? Next thing you know here comes this little Ajumma woman, she comes running up, and she bows, and she’s got his clothes folded and pressed, and he ends up wearing the crispest uniform.8 He just takes it, bows back to her, and walks back to his tent as if nothing happened.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 17 at 2022 12:01 AM

2022-01-17T00:01:14-05:00

Fall in Shit. A Soldier neck deep

December 10, 2021

One of my dad’s favorite stories was what he called Jake falling into a honey bucket. ‘Hey Jake,’ he would say, ‘tell me the one about you falling in that honey bucket!’ When he had company, he would inevitably dig it up. ‘Y ’know Jake one time fell in a damn honey bucket.’ He would say and laugh until tears rolled down his cheeks.

It happened in the summer of 1994. I signed up to take the Expert Field Medical Badge (EFMB). The EFMB is one of the most sought-after badges in all the medical service branches of the US Army. After a brief training exercise, the selection was scheduled to take place at Warrior Base on the Demilitarized Zone, or the DMZ, on the border between South and North Korea. While it was not essential for me to get it, it was a highly regarded patch. Part of the reason is that the pass rate is deliberately kept lower than twenty percent to ensure the highest standards of excellence. In the end, it took me three attempts to pass it, and today that badge is worn above my airborne patch which is a clear indication of the prestige attached to owning it.

In essence, as the name implies, the EFMB is a field medical qualification intended to hone a medical soldier’s skills in emergency, battlefield setting, and the selection process is quite a production. The key segment of testing is battlefield triage which is typically conducted under very authentic conditions and usually involves an entire cadre of people drawn from various branches to function as actors, supervisors, and adjudicators for a handful of dedicated and extremely committed personnel. Under simulated battle conditions, with actors playing the parts of wounded soldiers, a medical officer must determine under extreme stress the severity and priority of injuries and the appropriate field medical response. If a soldier has a serious head wound and is bleeding profusely with his brains scattered all around him then probably, he is going to die and so no time needs to be wasted on him. Likewise, if a soldier has a minor injury he can be propped up against a tree and left to be dealt with later. There are no hard and fast rules and so a filed medic is forced to rely purely on judgment and the training of triage. Priority is given to those with serious but potentially survivable wounds that are given the necessary preliminary attention before being sent back behind the lines for more focused care. It is an exacting, highly stressful, and extremely demanding process.

The selection also grades a soldier's general field skills and so such exercises as daytime and nigh land navigation are often thrown in as an additional challenge. The terrain over which these exercises were conducted comprises some of the signature rural, small-scale farming areas that straddle the DMZ. The landscape is dominated by hills and low mountains with expanses of flat, cultivated ground in the low-lying valleys where rice is planted out in seasonally flooded paddies. They say when you arrive in the DMZ that the first thing you smell is shit and garlic, and in rural Korea, there is a lot of truth in that. Garlic is pervasive everywhere and is cooked with every meal and often eaten raw. The shit factor is the cesspools that fill the ditches on the edges of the rice paddies where animal and human feces, or ‘night soil’, is gathered in small ditches as fertilizer. Upon preparing to go out into the field on a night navigation exercise the warning was sternly given to all of us that any accidental immersion in a cesspool will result in an immediate medical evacuation for reasons of likely infection, and should anything be detected, an early trip home.

A group of twenty or so soldiers was dropped off by truck at about nine o’clock in the evening. Each soldier carried a basic compliment of load bearing and battle equipment, a map, a compass, and a rifle, and he was given several widely separated waypoints to locate and mark without the use of lights. I approached this exercise with confidence because through basic and advanced training I had always found land navigation easy. It was summer and the evening was dark with just a waning moon broaching the eastern horizon. As I walked along a rural track, I was able to identify the first navigation point across a wide expanse of dry paddy field, and although there was a strong smell of feces, I was not immediately concerned. As I approached the ditch to get into the field my left foot hit some sort of mud slick and before I could correct myself, I lost my footing and hit my ass on the ground. Then, to my horror, I felt myself sliding down a shallow bank and into a pool of stinking gelatin-textured sludge. To my consternation, I realized I was up to my neck in shit.

Although I did at least have the presence of mind to keep hold of my rifle I was in too deep in it to stand. With the weight of my equipment pulling me down I was struck by the awful reality that I was going to drown in this mess if I did not think and act quickly. It was an ugly and potentially perilous situation. This thought was followed by the realization that if I did drown in this nightmarish place that that is how I would likely be remembered. Should I somehow make it out I probably would want to be dead anyway because I was guaranteed to be the laughingstock of the entire garrison before I got shipped out. They would call me “pooping pike” and that may be my legacy in the United States Army. I was feeling I have never been married or had children and this should not be the way I die.

I collected my wits, tried to keep calm, controlled my gag impulse, and searched my brain for a plan. By slow and careful maneuver, I was able to position my body horizontal and then, in a moving mire of liquefied feces, I inched my way slow and carefully towards the road, cater pillaring until I could feel the edge of the ditch. By degrees I hauled my ass out, losing ground often and slipping back, until eventually, I made it on to solid ground where I lay looking up at the stars, thinking – ‘What the hell! Why does this happen to me?’

Now that I was alive and safe my next concern was how all of this would play out if it was ever discovered. My name for the rest of my service career in this pitiless institution would be any number of variations of ‘Poop’n Pike’.

Then I noticed a light in the distance, and I figured that I might just be able to work this thing out. First, I rolled like a dog in the rice paddy using the stubble to get the worst of the solid material off my clothes and kit before I set off up the road in the direction of that light. At this point walking I did not know if I was walking towards heaven or hell. It turned out to be a small farmworker's cottage with a single electric bulb on the porch. I began to walk towards the light and felt I may be walking for much-needed help or into hell. When I arrived, I hammered on the door and called out in my crudest Korean that I was an American soldier in need of help. This, after some delay, brought a woman very cautiously to the door.

She was a typically slight creature, probably in her forties, eyes wide with fear and concern, the voices of others in the cottage behind her equally anxious. Using sign language, I tried to explain my predicament although it was damn clear to anyone what the situation was, and she understood. Also using sign language, she had me strip butt naked there on the porch. She gathered up my clothes, boots, underwear, and webbing and promised to deliver them back later that evening or the following morning. I thanked her profusely and left. Fortunately, there was almost no ambient light, so I made my way carefully back to base, still stinking and covered in shit, cheerfully greeting the occasional soldier who I passed along the way. Arriving back at base it was a beautiful thing to see not a soul around. After cleaning up a little I hauled my cot out of the tent and put it under a tree some twenty meters away. Early the next morning my fairy godmother appeared with my freshly laundered uniform and boots, and after being well remunerated, and now seeing the funny side of it, she slipped away. Not a word was spoken about the matter until years had passed and thousands of miles of distance ensured that my reputation and dignity were safe.

My old man had a different take. If any soldier could fall into a pool of shit and come out of it smelling like roses, then it could only have been Jake. I had gotten away with falling in a cesspool, keeping it a secret and that was good enough.

Response by COL Robert Gilbert made Jan 17 at 2022 1:35 PM

2022-01-17T13:35:57-05:00

Prior to the 9-11 attacks, the Army Engineer units did not have D-9 Dozers in the inventory of our combat and combat heavy units. As one of my initial duties, following 9-11, I participated in the evaluation and procurement of D-9 armored dozers for our units. We immediately ran into a major issue concerning the armor for D-9s, the armor patient belonged to the Israeli government. So, we had to request the armor systems from the Israeli government, which they agreed to and also allowed the US to purchase the Israeli D-9 dozers being built in by Caterpillar Corporation in the US. There was one major stipulation Israel required: the Israelis had to install the armor systems.
The US Army was intending on having the D-9s shipped to Saudi Arabia, where the armor would be installed and then the D-9s would be issued to the Combat Engineer units. Well, having the Israeli techs in Saudi Arabia, was not politically possible, so we had to make arrangements for the Israeli techs to come to the US and install the armor systems. We then shipped the D-9s directly to the units for immediate fielding of the of the D-9s. All of this actually took place within a few months. From that point on the D-9s have remained in the Army inventory.

Response by COL Robert Gilbert made Jan 18 at 2022 1:55 AM

2022-01-18T01:55:36-05:00

Back in 1995, I was the Army Engineer Team Leader for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) in FEMA HQ's Emergency Management Operations Center. At the time, I was a newly minted LTC. It was 1995 and I was managing the Engineering national response to Hurricane Marilyn, which hit the US Virgin Islands. The Islands had no electricity and were cutoff for days. USACE was responsible for Providing Ice/water, electrical generation, and debris removal. The Jacksonville District was providing direct support for the Engineer effort and contracted for civilian delivery of some of the equipment being sent in support of the Islands.
In the early evening on a Friday, I was contacted by the Secretary of Defense's office by a very upset Major. He informed me that USACE had violated Department of Defense and State Department regulations concerning the shipment of military equipment on an unauthorized foreign aircraft. According to the Major, the is a strict hierarchy, from allies down to unfriendly countries, He further stated a Russian Aeroflot aircraft was carrying Army generators on the aircraft and the aircraft was flying to Rosy Roads Naval Base, which was a further violation of the regulations (foreign aircraft landing at a US military base). So both the DOD and State Department were very upset.
I contacted Jacksonville and found out the Army contract for the shipment was through a US contractor, however the contractor had subcontracted Aeroflot to carry the generators. The aircraft was several hours from Rosy Road and I worked throughout the night with everyone involved to come to a resolution. It took hours, but we were finally able to get clearance for the aircraft to land at Rosy Roads and unload the generators.
When the final after-action report was published, it stated that Russia and the US worked closely, as partners, in the disaster assistance to the US Virgin Islands.

Response by TSgt Larry Abernathy made Jan 19 at 2022 11:50 AM

2022-01-19T11:50:55-05:00

I was in an Army National Guard unit in Alabama in the 90's. Our unit was originally an armored tank unit, but had been transitioned into a chemical decon unit. Before the transition, our annual 2 week training was mostly spent in the field. Afterwards, we would spend the days training, then have down time back un the barracks. During probably our first AT at Camp Shelby in Mississippi, we would be seen doing various things in the barracks in the evenings. The barracks there did not have AC, so it was normal for the windows & doors to be left open. At one end of the building, a couple of our guys would spend the evening just sitting there sipping beer. One night, our 2 "door guards" decided to go out instead. No one really thought about it, & the door was open while we were playing cards. An uninvited visitor walked at some point, & someone suddenly yells, "Skunk!!". In no time, we evacuated the barracks via the opposite end. We watched a few moments as Mr. Skunk walked around inside. One of our guys goes in, & while not getting too close, starts yelling at him. The skunk eventually walks back outside, never spraying his defense system. We got lucky, and made sure the dorrs remained closed after that.

Response by SPC Mike Schredl made Jan 19 at 2022 12:35 PM

2022-01-19T12:35:45-05:00

It was the early 80s, and I was a young, still-motivated private fresh from OSUT at Benning. One weekend I was hanging around the dayroom with a skeleton crew (I must have been assigned as CQ runner or the equivalent) when the first sergeant pops out of his office, grabs me, and says: "I just got the word that the battalion motor officer is dropping by for a surprise inspection of our vehicles. There is no one from the motor section here, so get out there and make sure everything is squared away."

Since we were a rifle company, we didn't have too many vehicles: a couple of deuce-and-a-halfs, some M151 MUTTs, and a few 880s for the mortar section. I ran out there and proceeded to check every vehicle thoroughly. I checked tire pressures, I popped hoods and checked all the belts, I checked and topped off every fluid level, I read all the TMs to make sure I had looked at everything important. I even checked the operator tool kits to make sure every wrench and screwdriver authorized was accounted for. I reported back to Top that all was good.

For once, the intel was correct and the BMO showed up. We all went out to the motor pool, where I proudly stood next to the first sergeant, waiting to be praised for all of my hard work. The first thing the BMO did was open the passenger door of one of the deuce-and-a-halfs, open the glove compartment, and pull out a swollen carton of milk. It had been sitting there in the heat since the last time we had been in the field, weeks ago, and had turned to rancid cottage cheese. I had been so focused on all the minutiae, that I had forgotten rule number one of inspections: "Get rid of all the crap".

Even after 40 years, I can still remember my first sergeant slowly turning and giving me a look that said: "Boy, you are too stupid to live."

Response by SSG Dave Simon made Feb 18 at 2022 5:05 PM

2022-02-18T17:05:17-05:00

AIT at Tigerland at Ft Polk. We were on a bivouac with bunkers dug etc. I was a platoon guide and it was my 21st Birthday. I took guard at 3:00 in the morning and my DI came over. He said “Simon I hear today is your birthday “ . I said “yes drill sgt. I’m 21 today.” He said “ then let me be the first to buy you a drink” . He pulled a half pint of bourbon out of his back pocket and we alternated drinks I’ll never forget it. 1968.

Response by SSG Michael Vance made Feb 20 at 2022 2:19 PM

2022-02-20T14:19:01-05:00

In March of 1993 I was a Squad Leader in the 1st platoon of the Fort McClellan MP Company. Our platoon was in Training/Support cycle so we were on a Platoon FTX out on Pelham Range. The day time temperatures were in the high 60's- low 70's so we were having a great time. Late on Thursday afternoon of that week we recieved word of a major storm system them was heading up the eastern seaboard and there was a possible major blizzard coming. We pulled down our field site and headed back to main post and left vehicles and equipment in a designated location for field recovery the next day. On that Friday during field recovery, the temperatures had dropped considerably and during the day there was some sleet, freezing rain etc. BUT we were still snickering HA! HA!! Alabama Blizzard!!!!! We finished field recovery and headed home still snickering and chortling over the major winter storm;that night some time the promised snow arrived and dropped WELL over of wet white stuff on NE Alabama and the soft Alabama Sea Pine trees. At my own home there was a good news, bad news scenario, the tree that took out the power lines, the line stopped that very same tree from going through my wifes car. After that it was like OK, I didn't mean to laugh!!!
Spring forward nearly 2 years in time to October 1995 and I am now an MP Desk SGT at Fort Benning Georgia. One sunny fall morning most of the Military Police Activity and PMO staff to include Desk SGT's get called in to the PMO for a storm warning order. A major storm Hurricane Opal was projected to cross Fort Benning. That morning after the briefing and warning order SSG Ken Bates and I lingered on the portico and porch of the PMO snickering and laughing HA!!HA!! Hurricane this far inland!!!!! I think you can see where this story is headed. By some strange schedule quirk I was slated to work an 8 hour swing shift as Desk SGT that afternoon and evening and return to a day shift, the next day. Well late that night between 2300-2400 the storm was arriving in earnest and doing some major landscape renovations on west central Georgia and much of Alabama. Since I lived in a mobile home park I was prohibited from going home for even the 8 hours between my shifts, so I went off in the bowels of the PMO looking for a resting spot, I wound up in a hallway in the back portion of the PMO resting on a bench that was in between the Physical Security and Community Police offices.
Since then, though there HAVE been challenges I no longer HA! HA!! at Mother Nature.

Response by Maj Dale Smith made Feb 20 at 2022 4:34 PM

2022-02-20T16:34:19-05:00

I was flying one evening and having to maneuver around thunderstorms over Northern Texas with a B-52 in trail for his refueling. Just prior to contact we had a burst of lightning that blinded us momentarily and I told the Denver Center (ARTCC) that we needed to get out of this "sh*t" in a some what high voice. The air traffic controller came back and said what was that word you used? I had to think fast as swearing on a UHF radio with a 250 mile range didn't fit into either the FAA or FCC lexicon, so I came up with an homophonic acronym: "CHIT", I told him that it stood for "Clouds, Hail and Intense Thunderstorms". It got me out of an FCC violation.

Response by 1SG James Kelly made Feb 20 at 2022 6:07 PM

2022-02-20T18:07:14-05:00

My best story; I married my She and she put up with me for 43 years.
She was a 1lt and I was an E5.
Married in the Ft Benning Chapel.

Response by PO3 Glenn Letts made Feb 24 at 2022 1:04 AM

2022-02-24T01:04:12-05:00

While on a floating dry dock I was standing a $AM to 8AM control Alpha engine room watch, we had 2 engine rooms running with 2 engines each, I heard the fire alarm go off stating that there was a fire in Dog engine room. Asked the electrician to have the engineman to call me on the house phone, only to be told that he had bolted. Not knowing what was happing I told my electrician to tell the sub we had in dock to start shutting down all electrical as fast as they could, as if we lost another engine and generator set both ships were going to be dark and all firefighting equipment were electric. Problem, Nuke sub above and diesel fuel below. Luckly another engineman was coming back from shore and got another engine room started.

Fire was caused by a piston melting to a cylinder liner and the heat set the exhaust lagging on fire. My undocking station a few days later was in the IV shack where they had a shortwave radio and I got to listen to the football game on Armed Forces Radio, while watching the exhaust pipe thru the inspection hatch.

Response by PO3 Michael MacKay made Feb 24 at 2022 7:55 PM

2022-02-24T19:55:51-05:00

The KEG

I used to know an STG off the Jesse L Brown who was top in his rate…dude was the dog ass ugly walking on water STG in his department.

Anyway, the Jesse L Brown was in a sort of “Round Robin” simulated warfare exercise where all ships in the movement were tasked with “attack” and “defend” scenario where one missile frigate would offer an “attack” by sending out a technically loaded question about their missile systems, and the other ships in the exercise had to answer to that “attack.”

Questions were of any nature involving the missile systems, since the ship had Mk-16 missiles this drill focused on that system….(one main reason we were best friends, I was a C-3 Poseidon tech and the defacto geeky “big brother” to Tim’s Mk-16 missiles…it’s funny how in the fleet we always looked at what we did but the next higher echelon of what we “wished we could do” and in truth they were exactly the same )

Anyway, Tim was the “guy” he had all the answers, so any question that was a “salvo” towards Jesse L Brown the entire Weapons Dept. fell silent and all eyes were on Tim! In this particular salvo Jesse L Brown and whatever missile frigate was “shooting at her” were both involved in the final exchange as all other ships in the movement were “down” ( Davy Jones, sucking sea water, begging for oxygen, basically screwed!) so, in that minute Tim was “The Guy!”

Tim's Weapons Officer was begging for the answer, his crew was looking at him with baited breath…and what does Tim do?

He sneezes so violently he dislocates his right shoulder…it slides down over his pectoral muscle…dude is screaming in pain, and his weapons officer is screaming

“What’s the answer!!!”

Tim gasps the answer, they won the salvo, got the victory, and within an hour he was on a helo evacuated to Charleston Naval Hospital where I met him.

Tim was the kind of Rottweiler sailor you wanted at your back in a fight…not because he was “Tyson” material, that guy would never give up.

Fast forward…1989 we were both waiting on medical boards, his we were so happy to celebrate, no problems, surgery was perfect, his shoulder went right back into socket, cleared for full duty.

Me? I was screwed.

So, we commenced that Summer as we both celebrated his status and lamented mine…didn’t matter, pitchers flowed either way.

Which brings us to the topic of “The Keg”

Now, the Keg was a little strip center shopping mall hole in the wall bar…when you walked in there was a bar to the left about eight feet of old darkly stained wood counter top behind which were “Name your Poison” rows upon rows of liquors and beers… and I mean Stupid Rare beers…ever had Nordic Wolf beer? I recommend it, of course, around 1 am I would have recommended drinking my own piss, so, there you have it…my palette was mostly numb so don’t listen to me…choose your own poison.

The first time Tim and I stumbled into that bar we were both caught up in that “preppy” fashion wave of the late eighties…you know, Sperry Top Sider deck shoes, sharp shirt starched popped up collar, hell, I even wore suspenders…(Yeah, I know, weeping Jesus you fashion geek!)

So there we were that first night in the Keg staggering in…a Biker Bar…and for a second every leather jacket wearing greased hair biker looked up with hostility, but seeing the cut of our hair they knew who we were, sailors, so, they immediately went back to their pool game at the two tables, jammed almost together, or, to listening to the live band in the back of that 40 ‘ deep by 20’ wide bar…the band did not even need microphones it was so tight in there.

First night stumbling in I looked to my left and there was a 30 something biker chick, maybe 90 lbs soaking wet, straggly blonde greasy hair, leather vest with the “I don’t recall the club name but definitely don’t mess with them” emblem on the back sitting at the bar with a Marlboro burning it’s life out over an ashtray graveyard holding in her fist a seven inch buck knife as she carved her name another mm into the bar top…

“PAM”

…as she spilled out her troubles to the bar keeper who yelled at us as we were standing there taking it all in, and then we heard...

“You gonna order a beer or just f***** stand there!?”

Shocked back into the moment, we turned left, took a place by “PAM” and ordered a pitcher.

We were regulars at that bar the moment the club realized we were active duty…most of the bikers were veterans, redlegs or marines, but a few sailors too, so they knew who we were and were cool with us. Now, people off the street who just wandered in would stand there in shock looking at Tim and I, GQ Magazine Preppy Fashion, then look at the scuzzy three week old road dust and motor oil hair gel bikers…then back to us…as if “this does not this compute” then the bar tender would yell,

“You gonna order a beer or just f***** stand there!?”

It was an epic Summer…somewhere near the end of it, the bar tender says in a challenging tone,

“You guys ever shoot a Fireball? It burns coming and going…” in retrospect it was not a coy grin, it was a sly grin he gave.

Well, Tim and I were the best of friends, but the worst of company…the Devil couldn’t keep up with us, and we both wondered what the hell the bartender meant?

Tim yells to me over the din, “I’ll shoot one if you do!!!”

“Oh hell yeah!!!” I scream back, then we turn to face the bar keep, not noticing the wicked smile on
PAM’s face.

The bet was on!

The bar keep whips out a mess of bottles, 151 Bacardi, Peppermint Schnapps, a stick of raw cinnamon, Tabasco sauce….and, at that point, I lost track, since there was a crowd of biker veterans bunching up behind us to watch the atmosphere was a carnival.

Tim says to me “You first man!” (He was a little bit of a pussy.. )

The bar keep does his best “Tom Cruise” and makes a show of pouring the two double shot glasses before us (yeah it was awkwardly amateur)…but, it was a show to remember, he dumped the shots of 151 in then poured in the shots of Peppermint Schnapps in on top, then took out a knife sharpener ( yeah, a real bartender keeps a 7” buck knife under the bar razor sharp, you know, to keep “PAM” preoccupied carving her name deeper into the bar so she doesn’t stab someone…). He rakes the raw cinnamon stick against the sharpening steel over each double shot glass grinding flecks of raw cinnamon into them and then, he looks at us with an evil grin and says,

“Whose first?”

He lights one on fire and I looked at Tim with an evil grin and grabbed my double shot glass.

My mother said, “Son, you always had more brawn than brains.”

I did not know what she meant until that moment…

I lifted the glass to my lips among the cacophony of bikers shouting in a din and I huffed just as the heat of the flame hit my nose, blowing out that flames, and then I downed the double shot…it burned like the sun on my tongue and throat and when those double shots hit my stomach I could feel it like a star burning my gut!

I gripped the edge of that oak bar so hard I felt it crack! Oh My F***** God! I turned to Tim pale faced and sweating as I saw him backing away and I grabbed his arm.

I said, “M**** F***** If you don’t shoot that I am kicking your ass right here!!! Right now!”

Well, that bolstered Tim, and he had the Bar Tender light it up and followed suit!

I watched him shoot it, grab the edge of the bar, grimace, and hold tight his scream…because I know he wanted to…I had wanted to!

The rest of that night was a blur…I know the bar erupted in applause and hoots when we both shot the Fireball…I got pounded on the back a number of times…we did not pay for a single drink the rest of the night.

The next day at barracks I was in the stall ready to do my business, regretting the burn that was still in my stomach…not knowing Tim was in the next stall.

We let lose about the same time, I guess, I heard him gasping as I am sure he heard me…I gripped the handicapped bar on the wall so hard it may have broken all the screws…it felt like I was passing sand that was on fire!! And then I remembered…

“It burns coming and going…”

I could just see that greasy blonde hair on PAM as she laughed when we did the shots the night before. Trust me, do not shoot Fireballs…it’s not worth it.

The next week the Keg got shut down on a noise complaint and that very night across town the Flying Dutchman opened up with dime drafts and Dollar pitchers…best $20 I ever spent, but that’s another tale of another night.

That’s my story and I am sticking to it.

Response by Ellen Pope made Mar 11 at 2022 2:58 AM

2022-03-11T02:58:15-05:00

This won’t give you a “belly laugh.” I had been newly assigned to a barack’s and shared a room with two black E3s. I had latrine duty and walked into the bathroom at 6 a. m. One of the faucets was wide open, hot water steaming up the place. I turned it off. Nobody was in there. A second lay
er, one of the black E3s appeared in the door and asked why I had turned off the spigot. I was in no mood and said, “Shit up!” She hit me across the face, then we rolled on the brown tile floor with her trying to dig her long fingernails into my eyes and cheeks. Her glasses fell to the floor and I stepped on them. Another black E3 entered. Now I had a hostile witness. My face was a bloody mess. I rinsed off the blood with cold water. I had to make formation and hurried out of the bathroom. It occurred to me that the First Sergeant, whose advances I had rejected the day before, had declared me fair game for the black contingent, who outnumbered whites on this floor. This was in the early 1980s, no cell phones. There was a pay phone, but I had no change. Where was the MP station? The MP on duty was probably black. Use the CO’s open-door policy? Over a cat fight? I decided against it. But I moved out of the barracks into a buddy’s trailer off-base. You have to take a hit sometimes. I wore purple shades from that day on. And pepper spray in my boot.

Response by SGT Charles Whited made Mar 11 at 2022 1:18 PM

2022-03-11T13:18:33-05:00

We were doing weekly preventive maintinance checks and services on vehicles and generators when i noticed a fresh Pfc several hummers over running from the back of vehicle to the cab. She did this 5 or 6 times before i walked over and realized she was trying to check the brake lights. Containing my amusement i told her it takes two people to check brake lights and assisted her. Found out she grew up in the inner city and had never driven prior to the Army. Still gives me chuckles.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Mar 11 at 2022 1:38 PM

2022-03-11T13:38:46-05:00

My first night maneuver in tanks the platoon sabotaged my night vision goggles. It was a dark night and I could here the Tank Commanders laughing as the said go here and there. I could not move my Tank because I could not see. It was a WTF moment. lol

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Mar 11 at 2022 9:31 PM

2022-03-11T21:31:41-05:00

I wanted to increase morale of the troops, so I arranged helicopter rides for the soldiers.
Before they flew, I checked to see if they had their tags, kevlar helmets, and I issued them commercial grade barf bags.

Response by MAJ Stacy Rushing made Mar 13 at 2022 11:46 PM

2022-03-13T23:46:11-04:00

During field exercises with my unit, one of the activities was rappelling from a tower. We tied our rappel ropes and ascended the tower. I'm not particularly scared by heights, so I stood close to the edge to watch others rappel and observe technique, no problem. But when my turn came up and I had to lean out backwards to start the rappel, I completely panicked and dropped to the floor. I tried a couple of times and just could not force myself backwards over the edge. Finally, the sergeant in charge offered to start the rappel and I could use his body as support. So, I leaned back on him, he started the rappel and then scooted out of the way so I completed the descent on my own.

When I reached the ground, my entire unit cheered. Our XO, who was not there, called me on the phone to tell me how brave I was.

Brave? How about profoundly embarrassed! I never tried rappelling again.

Response by Robert Schneider made Mar 31 at 2022 6:43 PM

2022-03-31T18:43:40-04:00

In 1967 I was a Plebe, the lowest form of life at the US Naval Academy. I belonged to the YP Squadron, which practiced seamanship and navigation on Chesapeake Bay using 80-foot patrol boats. One weekend we took an overnight cruise up the bay to the Philadelphia Naval Shipyard. In addition to being an active Navy base, with drydock and repair facilities for active-duty ships, the shipyard also served as one of the main storage locations for the Reserve Fleet, also known as the Mothball fleet. These ships were carefully preserved and protected from rust and flooding. Most of them were eventually scrapped, but some were later modernized and reactivated for further service.

At that time, there were dozens of World War II warships at the shipyard, held in reserve in case they were needed for future reactivation. Although I was not allowed off the base, I did have yard liberty on Saturday afternoon and was able to wander around and look at the ships. I have always been a warship nut, devouring books on the subject, building models and playing naval warfare games since I was a kid. I was in Heaven.

I saw heavy cruisers, light cruisers, destroyers, aircraft carriers and auxiliary vessels of all types. I recognized many of the ships from the history I had read. One of them was the USS Franklin, the most heavily damaged aircraft carrier to survive a Japanese attack in WWII. 800 men died on that ship. Many of the others had fought at Iwo Jima, Okinawa and earlier battles around the Solomon Islands.

The most fascinating to me were the 3 WWII Iowa Class battleships, the Iowa, New Jersey and Wisconsin. These 50,000-ton behemoths were still in their WWII and Korean War configuration, and all 4 would eventually be returned to service. They were moored there, side by side, with a single gangway for access to all of them. There was a high fence with razor wire and a gate protecting the gangway.

I noticed that the gate on the gangway to the USS Iowa, the inboard ship, was unlocked. I don’t remember seeing any “No Trespassing” signs, but maybe my eyesight was defective that day. In any case, I did not take a hint from the razor wire...so, like the 19-year-old idiot that I was, I considered that an invitation and went aboard

The doors and hatches on all the ships were hermetically sealed and locked, but I was able to wander all over the weather decks. This was a warship nut’s dream. I crossed over to the New Jersey and was able to enter one of the 16-inch gun turrets. Then I boarded the Wisconsin and explored her as well.

I spent a couple of happy hours climbing all over those 3 superdreadnoughts, imagining the battles they fought and thinking of the legendary figures who walked their decks, such as Admirals Halsey, Nimitz and Spruance. There was nobody else aboard, so I was the SOPA; Senior Officer Present Afloat, and if war had been suddenly declared, it would have been my duty to sail those ships into harm's way with all 27 big guns blazing.

When I returned to the gangway, to my great dismay, the gate was locked. I later found out that a VIP tour of the three ships was being held when I came aboard, and that they had left and locked the gate while I was wandering unobserved around the ships. There was no way to get over or around the gate. I was screwed.

I stood there considering my lack of options until a Shore Patrol jeep happened by. They told me to stay there (where else could I go?) until they could return with a key.

When they returned, I was taken under arrest to the office of the commander of the Inactive Ships Facility. He was a Captain with 4 gold stripes and a chest full of ribbons on his immaculate white uniform. He had probably fought the Japanese Navy from a battle station on one of the ships sleeping on the base.

I braced up and sounded off for him, the same as I had been doing for the upperclassmen at USNA all summer. He gave me a stern look and growled, "Just what the hell did you think you were doing?".

I expected to either go to jail or face a firing squad. In a squeaky voice I replied, "I just love battleships, Sir".

His face softened and I thought I detected a twinkle in his eye. He looked at me and said, "Get the hell out of my office". I saluted him and walked out, as free a man as a Plebe can be.

Ever since, I have always thought of that man as the embodiment of what a real leader should be. I wish we had more people like him around today.

Just to clarify my status, I am not a veteran. Although I did spend two years in the Navy, I was a student, not a Sailor. I would never claim to have served my country in the military. The military served me instead.

The picture was taken day after.

Response by LCpl George Williams made Apr 29 at 2022 3:27 PM

2022-04-29T15:27:11-04:00

While freshly out of boot camp, and ATR/cold weather training, I was on my way to my 1st duty station which was on Okinawa. After about a month or so I still had no MOS, but was assigned to the 12th Marines. My unit was scheduled for a anfib. training exercise with the fleet from White Beach. We were to board a Amtrak (Tank with no wheels, or cannon), ride out to a LSD, circle the LSD, and return to White Beach. This was just stupid I thought to myself. 1st of all Im not going to get into that floating tank, I barely passed swim Qualification at boot camp, and it smells like Diesel fluid. Just the thought of it made me sick. I made my mind up that I AM NOt GOING no matter what. Now then, my squad heading downhill, my Gunny Sargent heading up hill. His face glowing said "Willy get your ass down there OTD". I told him (not going Gunny just lock my ass up, and do what you have to do). Skipper ( Capt. unnamed came over to me and asked "what's going on Bill"? Gunny ran it down to him. My Amtrak Tank nearly sunk do to some kind of cork, or stopper malfunction. After returning to base I was called down to the Capt's office for final evaluation. Capt. Said to me "Bill, how did you know? Are you some kind of future reader or something like that. He told the Gunny to let me slide but still reduce him to PFC for disobeying an order. Gunny hated my guts but I was still a Marine. My name is not Bill I wanted to tell them. I had better leave that one alone.

Response by Pvt SanJuana Méndez made Feb 20 at 2023 3:24 AM

2023-02-20T03:24:10-05:00

My story isn't as funny & entertaining as it is short & sweet. Actually, it's amusing that men cn be so impressed by women's aptitude.

I went to San Antonio for my physical & aptitude test. Imagine hw amused I wz when interviewed after I'd completed my tests. They were impressed that I, a woman, had gotten such a high score in identifying tools & instruments. I simply explained that my dad wz a carpenter who had several of the tools & instruments I'd identified in aptitude test I'd taken.