What's your best shamming tactic?

2016-09-22T17:47:30-04:00

We've all been guilty of "shamming" at one time or another, but some of us make it an art. My best strategy was always having two hats and leaving one on my desk in my office, so if anyone came looking for me they'd see it and assume I was still in the building somewhere. Brilliant. What are your best tactics, techniques, and procedures when it comes to shamming?

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 22 at 2016 5:50 PM

2016-09-22T17:50:57-04:00

I once found a Soldier fast asleep back in the supply area on top of one of the cages. The only reason he got caught was that the light was flickering and when I looked up I saw his boots.

Response by Cpl George Crab made Sep 22 at 2016 6:07 PM

2016-09-22T18:07:06-04:00

While I was at boot camp, for the week of KP duty that my platoon served, I was on the intake line, scrubbing off whatever was left on the aluminum trays. Between meals, we had to wipe down the tray washing machine.

I would find a place which looked as if I had to really strain to get to, with a rag, and stand there for hours on end, and not being called on to do other stuff.

That was the only time (it seemed) that I wasn't either being yelled with the other recruits, or being singled out for 'personal instruction', or being pulled out, either by myself, or my squad being called on to do some 'rose gardening'.

None of the other recruits ever caught on to how I was skating. I am surprised that the false look of intense pain that I used during the time I was polishing something inside the machine didn't take over my face for the rest of my life, either.

See, mom? My face doesn't stay the way it looks when I am hurting or being stupid, OR skating! So there!

Response by SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 22 at 2016 6:29 PM

2016-09-22T18:29:11-04:00

Under a humvee "PMCSing", eye-pro on, ziptie holding my arm up (through button hole) and my ass asleep.....

Response by SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 22 at 2016 6:35 PM

2016-09-22T18:35:01-04:00

Typical veteran response...... "The DD-214 method"

Response by SGT Morrison (Mike) Hogwood made Sep 22 at 2016 6:55 PM

2016-09-22T18:55:47-04:00

when i was a young private working in the motor pool,you could only PMCS your vehicle so much,if would get a floor dolly and throw some tools around me while i was under my deuce and half put one my hands near something like i was doing something.could easily get another hour of good sleep,i know it wasn't responsible,but privates will be privates.

Response by SGT Philip Roncari made Sep 22 at 2016 7:27 PM

2016-09-22T19:27:11-04:00

Ghosting in the rear,Profiling like a mother.......... Skating. All those old terms from yesterday year.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 22 at 2016 8:03 PM

2016-09-22T20:03:47-04:00

Step 1: Get peice of a paper, or a folder.
Step 2: Act like you're looking at it.
Step 3: Wall fast.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 22 at 2016 8:16 PM

2016-09-22T20:16:32-04:00

1. The most important thing is to get everything that needed to be done, done and done right the first time.
2. Multitask, work several projects at once. Review documents, respond to emails, check facebook, go back to reviewing document, make comment on document, check RallyPoint.
3. Use two monitors, make sure official business is always up on at least one of them.
4. If you work too fast and have too much time on your hands, ask people if they need a hand with anything. Shamming with a clear conscience is worth bonus points.

Response by MSG Pat Colby made Sep 22 at 2016 10:56 PM

2016-09-22T22:56:29-04:00

My (then 10 year old) Son and I were talking many years ago and I said I needed to figure out a way to get away from some Army idiots when they cornered me in conversation. He gave me one of his toy cell phones and told me to reach in my pocket and hit the button and pretend I had a call. Worked like a charm for years.

Response by LTC John Mohor made Sep 23 at 2016 12:22 AM

2016-09-23T00:22:08-04:00

I can't help but notice no Officers commented so far. I wonder....There was this one time when I had a week long temporary duty to inventory the entire commissary warehouse. The team of Soldiers I worked with were good to go we all worked hard. We finished up before lunch on Thursday. As I was driving debating wether to go back by the unit or just go off base and head home I came to an intersection it was raining like only Germany does. I recognized or thought I recognized the walk of a Soldier as a former fellow cadet from North Georgia. I yelled his name prepared to be wrong when he yelled my name in return. Needless to say I didn't get by the unit that day;-)

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 26 at 2016 4:13 PM

2016-09-26T16:13:13-04:00

I knew a SFC who used to keep his fleece on his chair and his PC on his desk. The light and door of his office were always open but I never saw him. I walked to his office looking for him and saw his PC and fleece in the normal place. Then I walked out the back steps of the building and saw him at the smoke pit with his fleece on and his PC. I stopped, turned around went back into his office...and sure enough he had duplicates of those at his desk.

Response by SSG Javier Antonsanti made Sep 26 at 2016 4:14 PM

2016-09-26T16:14:49-04:00

Clipboard and a pen on hand.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 26 at 2016 4:52 PM

2016-09-26T16:52:18-04:00

At my old unit I used to 'transport medical files from the aid station to the hospital. Always took forever for some reason. I mean you can't have medical files out in the open.
Also, I lived in the barracks. As a medic there was always a patient to see about some rash or another. Sometimes the patient was real other times...

Response by CPO Greg Frazho made Sep 26 at 2016 5:13 PM

2016-09-26T17:13:43-04:00

I had an acronym for this: BLB (Bravo Lima Bravo) -- busy lookin' busy. Or as Patton once said, never mistake motion for action. Some people have made tours of duty or even careers out've BLB.

Response by SGT Dan Holdredge made Sep 26 at 2016 5:31 PM

2016-09-26T17:31:10-04:00

Carry a vehicle logbook and ask where Pvt X is (although you know where he is) act po'd and frown at everyone. Meet Pvt X at he snack bar.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 26 at 2016 5:33 PM

2016-09-26T17:33:56-04:00

I had three monitors. 2 are available to anyone next to me. 1 always has my email up and the other always has work/training in which I do finish a task switch the screen then I casually use my entertainment screen as my research screen.

Response by Allen Van Fleet made Sep 26 at 2016 7:13 PM

2016-09-26T19:13:04-04:00

As a reservist at nas corpus years ago, I figured out I was in charge of writing my own schedule. So I was pretty quick to figure out if I just didn't schedule myself for drill I wouldn't be missed as long as I made up my days lol. I doubt you can even still do this

Response by SPC Rob Lester made Sep 26 at 2016 9:03 PM

2016-09-26T21:03:16-04:00

My favorite was to pull the OE 254 antenna out of the connex and have everything scattered. Whenever the platoon sgt or LT came by I said I was reorganizing and inventorying it because last field problem it was messed up. Gotta have comms, right?

Response by MSgt Sandra McKinney Dent made Sep 26 at 2016 10:55 PM

2016-09-26T22:55:40-04:00

Not mine, but one that many of my supervisors used. Can't do it now, but is was going to "CBPO" (Commissary-Base Exchange and Post Office). Of course, going to the real Consolidated Base Personnel Office was always an option too.

Response by SGT Luke Wooster made Sep 27 at 2016 8:24 AM

2016-09-27T08:24:11-04:00

Squad NCO re-routed the unix command prompts so emails from the command could not be sent to his account. He would clue us in on promotion parties involving beer and tell us to be absent on mornings that involved company wide pt. He received a poor NCOER eval and re-routing the command emails was his way of revenge. This lasted for about six months. Life in Intel.

Response by SSG Carlos Madden made Sep 27 at 2016 12:38 PM

2016-09-27T12:38:03-04:00

The best way to sham is to join the guard or reserve

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2016 11:28 PM

2016-09-29T23:28:01-04:00

SSG Robert Burns In my civilian career, I was required to submit a weekly activity report. My report would be comprehensive and take an hour or two to prepare. I always worked at least 45-50 hours a week during my 33 year career. During the last ten years of the Space Shuttle program, it was 50-60 hours a week because the program kept cutting the workforce. My boss would call a weekly staff meeting that would last an hour or two where he would talk 5 minutes business, and the rest was him talking about politics or his children, etc. I would schedule my meetings for the same time that he had his, so I would miss his meetings. He changed the date and time of his meetings, so I changed the date and time of another of my meetings, so I could continue missing his waste of time meetings. My boss was laid off, and I assumed his duties and stayed with the program until one month after the last Space Shuttle flight, Atlantis, in July 2011. I was in turn laid off, with the remaining Space Shuttle workers, because of program end. I do not remember performing any shamming while I served.

Response by PFC Mikal Samson made Nov 28 at 2016 10:44 AM

2016-11-28T10:44:14-05:00

When I was working my way out of the Marines the EAS for my dd214 me and other guys in the separation platoon would always be used for working parties the latest project was command wanted gravel put in around the CP I would always give the excuse when I had to get the signatures that Sgt so and so and a few others weren't there so I was always getting out of working parties getting signatures when that was completed I would take my time getting my gear turned in and some I wouldn't clean before taking so they wouldn't take the gear did this for a solid month haha because assholes were taking there time with my dd214 XD then after that all I had to do was to ask gunny to go OFP (own fucking program ) and got approved watch out game room here I come all day

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 28 at 2016 1:45 PM

2016-11-28T13:45:08-05:00

Pretending to be conducting maintenance in the supply / cbrne cages.

P.S. I'm loving all the ideas.

Response by SPC(P) Patrick Westbrook made Nov 28 at 2016 4:11 PM

2016-11-28T16:11:00-05:00

Id have a clipboard on me, and when people tried to talk to me, I would ask people if they knew where *insert random soldier name* was and when they said no I said if you see them tell them I need them for a detail, and walk away. Also, when you're lower enlisted, carry a clipboard and just look up like you're counting stuff, people will leave you alone, and if they ask say corrective training for not knowing the SI count, once they asked who said for me to do this, responded with my team leader. Never heard back from him about it.

Response by SGT Kiley Anderson made Nov 28 at 2016 4:51 PM

2016-11-28T16:51:01-05:00

Clipboard, cup of coffee and a stern look. Everyone would scatter thinking I had a detail to fill or some other assignment to hand out.

Response by SPC James White made Nov 28 at 2016 5:32 PM

2016-11-28T17:32:45-05:00

Worked in a BDE HHC and managed to get an office on the other side of post from the rest of my unit with the justification that we probobly weren't allowed to have most of what we moved out there(cell phones, hard drive duplicators, etc.) wasn't supposed to be in the main building because it was secured.

The only downside was that my office was in the same building as the dispatch office, so I got tagged for almost every dispatch detail my platoon had.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 28 at 2016 6:33 PM

2016-11-28T18:33:19-05:00

All shaming g little worms need to die!!!!!

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 28 at 2016 7:06 PM

2016-11-28T19:06:39-05:00

Heard of an Air Force captain assigned to a naval installation. She'd always introducer herself over the phone as "Captain So-and-so. Until people caught onto her not being in the Navy, she had stuff done for her. Fast.

Response by PO3 Willie Kalfsbeek made Nov 28 at 2016 7:32 PM

2016-11-28T19:32:46-05:00

Working in engineering on the ship I would always carry a shop rag in my back pocket with a wrench showing. Everyone would assume I was on my way to go fix something.

Response by CPL(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 28 at 2016 7:38 PM

2016-11-28T19:38:59-05:00

Join ROTC and the Guard. You can get 4 years of Cadot level shamming

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 28 at 2016 7:54 PM

2016-11-28T19:54:11-05:00

NOT SAYING A DAMN THING OR BLASTING THIS INFO FOR PEOPLE TO READ AND LEARN HOW TO SHAM....SMH if you are an E4 you your are leaking out information. (E4 MAFIA lol) and ncos if we are to set an example We can't let them know our old tactics. But yes the best way to SHAM is silence. But then your playing an old game I learned never to play again. Lol good luck

Response by SPC Michael Cogdill made Nov 28 at 2016 7:55 PM

2016-11-28T19:55:34-05:00

My assistant principal from middle school was a Major, and I worked with his aide at our civilian jobs. He would come get me to talk with "The Major", and we would leave for hours on end. Never got questioned because they didn't have anyone that outranked him.

Response by SGT Felicia King made Nov 28 at 2016 7:56 PM

2016-11-28T19:56:23-05:00

Man, I only wish I thought of some of these good tactics LOL

Response by PO1 John Flores made Nov 28 at 2016 8:02 PM

2016-11-28T20:02:24-05:00

In a FBM sub, there is no shamming. You do what you have to do, and if you're done with that, there's something else to be done - do it. Quals were the biggest deal.

Response by SGT David Shields made Nov 28 at 2016 8:49 PM

2016-11-28T20:49:41-05:00

I roamed around the motor pool carrying an empty box. Made it look like I was already tasked with something. Worked for weeks until a NCO from another platoon finally asked me what it was I was carrying. I replied something to the effect of, "a box full of push-ups"

Response by SN Joel Penhallegon made Nov 28 at 2016 9:09 PM

2016-11-28T21:09:55-05:00

I was a junior enlisted in the Navy and pretend to be cleaning up hydraulic oil in numerous places on the submarine while under a piece of machinery, really laying there doing nothing.

Response by MAJ Karl Smith made Nov 28 at 2016 9:57 PM

2016-11-28T21:57:09-05:00

Worked for an O5 during a KFOR rotation. I had to cover for him for two weeks while he went back CONUS to train up our relief. I literally did his job in five minutes each day. His sham technique: delegate virtually all responsibility and keep your office door closed.

Response by TSgt Daniel Wareham made Nov 28 at 2016 10:02 PM

2016-11-28T22:02:58-05:00

If I had any, and I am not saying that I did, I've forgotten them.

Response by LT Michael Watson made Nov 28 at 2016 10:18 PM

2016-11-28T22:18:07-05:00

Some of us worked for a flag officer who required that our desks be cleared of work before "leaving" on Friday afternoon. Got to the point where "we" would gather our in-work files/studies, place them into an inter-office mail envelope, and drop them in the mail. Desks were cleared, and our work was delivered to us bright an early Monday mornings. The old man was always pleased that we were hard at work when he arrived .

Response by PFC John Villarreal made Nov 28 at 2016 10:29 PM

2016-11-28T22:29:36-05:00

I was an E-3 and could sham like an E-4 with 5 years in. Now I've been out 20+ years and know a sham scam when I see one. I'm a magician and I've been studying the art of the con. This is some newbie looking for old school ideas on the art of the sham. The sham is what is in you, one cannot be told what the sham is, you become the sham. It is around us, flows through us, connects us and when you can control it, becomes your allie. Look in the mirror, are you the shammer or the one being shammed? If you cannot answer that question, turn in your sham shield, you are not worthy.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 28 at 2016 11:20 PM

2016-11-28T23:20:23-05:00

As the armorer I always had a weapon taken apart on my desk. Whenever my commander tried to task me out he would see the weapon assume I am doing maintenance and find someone else to do the busy work.

Response by CPL M4pl4gu3 . made Nov 29 at 2016 12:19 AM

2016-11-29T00:19:44-05:00

On motorpool Mondays when it's -5 degrees and 40 MPH winds we'd PMCS the inside of the Bradley's with the ramp up, hatches closed, engine and heat on.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 29 at 2016 5:49 AM

2016-11-29T05:49:57-05:00

As a lower enlisted carrying a broom somewhere with purpose worked. As a junior NCO a clipboard worked. As a Senior NCO I just carry a junior enlisted with me now. Works like a charm.

Response by PO1 Don Hand made Nov 29 at 2016 7:26 AM

2016-11-29T07:26:20-05:00

Our boat maintenance facility was 15 minutes away from the office, and 5 minutes away from my house...

Response by TSgt Joshua Lee made Nov 29 at 2016 7:27 AM

2016-11-29T07:27:56-05:00

Early on in my career I got away with putting an N.A.P. appointment in the book.

Response by CPL George Ross made Nov 29 at 2016 7:43 AM

2016-11-29T07:43:23-05:00

I was the commanders driver in Frankfurt Germany for a medical detachment. One of my duties was to drive to the Abrams building to pick up and deliver message traffic. I normally hated going through the numerous checkpoints when I was driving alone but if my O6 was in the van we were just saluted through. So my idea was to take a resusci Annie doll, put her in my Colonels field jacket and his helmet with his eagle and watch the mud puppies wave us through.I even taped the hand up in a saluting gesture just so they had to salute.

Response by SPC Jesse Bakken made Nov 29 at 2016 8:20 AM

2016-11-29T08:20:46-05:00

As a mechanic, i learned a trick that i still use to this day. Walk around with a tool noone has ever seen before. Go to your truck make some noise, swear a little and walk away. Always give way too much detail about what youre doing and use all the technical terms you can think of. Now when i want to be left alone i just bang the air hammer on a puece of steel and noone comes into thw shop to bug me.

Response by SGT Jeremy Boyd made Nov 29 at 2016 8:57 AM

2016-11-29T08:57:00-05:00

Sometimes I would line up all the way on the left of the PT formation. When we extended to the left, I kept extending into the tree line. Then I'd go back to sleep in my barracks room.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 29 at 2016 9:38 AM

2016-11-29T09:38:43-05:00

On days I really didn't feel like fixing any vehicles, I'd just go underneath them and anytime someone walked by, I'd make my ratchet wrench start clicking away. As long as they hear the tool working, no one ever questions it! Haha!

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 29 at 2016 10:09 AM

2016-11-29T10:09:19-05:00

My Warrant leaves his car in the parking lot, don't see him at all from after PT until 1530. "Where's Chief? He's in the AO, his car is still in the lot. "

Response by SSgt Stephen Mills made Nov 29 at 2016 10:24 AM

2016-11-29T10:24:22-05:00

Become friends with other units. Go to said units. Hide in plain sight. Or hold out in a RATT Rig.

Response by SSgt Richard Spears made Nov 29 at 2016 10:24 AM

2016-11-29T10:24:38-05:00

My best I had at a bomb renovation booth at my office I was the one who repainted the bombs anyway. So I would turn on the negative pressure filters and the front door was impossible to open without using using a forklift. Hangover time in a heated paint booth in the winter in Japan. It was my own noisy little paradise.

Response by SPC Ronald Chaplin made Nov 29 at 2016 11:02 AM

2016-11-29T11:02:32-05:00

Well when I was running my unit's NBC room I just told somebody in the orderly room that I had a meeting at battalion and I would just disappear. Pop back up a few hours later and no one had any idea.

Response by SPC Richard Talbot made Nov 29 at 2016 11:51 AM

2016-11-29T11:51:08-05:00

I took 2 assignment one was my normal spot on the tank line the other was assisting supply. I'd go to the motor pool and tell NCO supply needed me that day and then I'd call supply SGT and tell him I had a ton of Maintenance to do in motor pool.. Then I'd go get drunk in the barracks until last formation, I'd hit some mouth wash and go get released for the day.

Response by SPC Darren Koele made Nov 29 at 2016 12:12 PM

2016-11-29T12:12:46-05:00

Worked in company S-4 yard. Would go in and lock the gate behind me. Had a select number of buildings to hide in. When the Lt came around, told him I was doing inventory, straightening up the yard, and maintaining my equipment. When he asked why the gate was locked, I told him the line dogs are trying to steal track pads and we were told to ration them. He approved. I then told him, if they want to be inside the fence so bad, they can send 4 guys from each platoon to come in and straighten up their wire, reroll it, get the camo netting out of it it, and restack it on the pallet. No "volunteers" showed up so I remained behind a locked gate, shamming, er doing S-4 stuff, yeah, that's what I meant.

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 29 at 2016 12:43 PM

2016-11-29T12:43:12-05:00

Walking with a purpose always made you look like what you were doing was important. Even if that meant walking to a skate spot on a ship lol

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 29 at 2016 3:25 PM

2016-11-29T15:25:58-05:00

Ask to see the Chaplain and then go and do whatever you want to do. No one could ask you or the Chaplain about your meeting because of religious rights. Works every time.

Response by SFC Steve Juilianna made Nov 29 at 2016 3:40 PM

2016-11-29T15:40:10-05:00

Told my team leader I had to go to the bank. A couple hours fishing off the bank did wonders.

Response by AA Chyanne Lin made Nov 29 at 2016 4:09 PM

2016-11-29T16:09:40-05:00

Our tv's were set it a way in the corners leaving space behind them so during cleaning stations I would take the corner rooms of the barracks and sleep behind them till the next shift and no one ever found me.

Response by AA Chyanne Lin made Nov 29 at 2016 4:10 PM

2016-11-29T16:10:01-05:00

Response by Cpl Christofer Baines made Nov 29 at 2016 4:49 PM

2016-11-29T16:49:19-05:00

Having been a Combat Correspondent, I found myself often unsupervised and without direct supervision whenever I was on a story. Now, it's not exactly skating... but I've had a lot of good meals, good times and shrugged off the most numerous of shinies because,"sir, it's my job to take photos and interview people to share the story." Or, "yes sir, I am supposed to be here. The food is for everyone here is it not? Would you like to answer some questions for the story?" Then of course you have to get back to the shop. It just takes time.

Response by CPL Robert Bradway made Nov 29 at 2016 4:58 PM

2016-11-29T16:58:25-05:00

Mine was always finding some that I needed right before lunch then come back right after 1400 calming I had to wait till after lunch before I could get what I needed. Or going to support usually burned up a mornings

Response by PO3 Joe Rooney made Nov 29 at 2016 5:06 PM

2016-11-29T17:06:51-05:00

Navy EMS was like being given the keys to the kingdom. You could go anywhere (on-base and off) in the rig, and bring the jump bag and a walkie-talkie when you got out, people would scatter. No one wants a couple of grumpy looking Corpsmen anywhere near them lest they get sucked into the drama. "Area familiarization" was always good for a couple of hours of driving around listening to the radio, or napping under a tree. Surprisingly, civilian EMS was exactly the same.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 29 at 2016 6:31 PM

2016-11-29T18:31:29-05:00

No matter what you're doing on a computer (like watching videos on YouTube) always have Microsoft Outlook (email) up. Whenever the Flight Chief came around to do post checks, you minimize YouTube and pull up the email and they would never ask about what you were doing. Also good to have a mole in the office that would call the posts out in the field to let us know when the Flight Chief was coming out. As soon as he left your post, you would call the next post in the direction he was going. We had a full on system.

Response by SPC Austin Rountree made Nov 29 at 2016 7:28 PM

2016-11-29T19:28:26-05:00

When I was in I was a medic. When me and the guys had nothing better to do we would just BS somewhere secluded and way to out of the way for somebody to venture up. If somebody came up and asked. I always pulled out my SOF Medic handbook and just said I was cross training my guys...then go off in a tangent blurting random big medical words and complex treatments. Sometimes the words were just made up nonsense...but it sounded legit to the unknowing. When I worked in a clinic I always had a patient folder in hand, wether the patient was real has yet to be determined, because I still haven't found them.

Response by SPC James Thomas made Nov 29 at 2016 8:22 PM

2016-11-29T20:22:18-05:00

I would grab my tool box and go to a launcher, open the generator doors and take off half of the fan shroud and chill for hours. If an NCO would come and ask what I'm doing is say replacing parts but stopped to take a break. Worked every time.

Response by CPL Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 29 at 2016 8:22 PM

2016-11-29T20:22:42-05:00

Infantry PSG: where are you going, Doc?
Me: working at the aid station

*calls aid station*
Me: hey I can't come to the aid station. We got some infantry training today
Medic PSG: okay. No problem.

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 29 at 2016 8:36 PM

2016-11-29T20:36:06-05:00

Became a warrant officer...

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 29 at 2016 8:46 PM

2016-11-29T20:46:50-05:00

lets go do room clearing ion the barracks for a couple of hours

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 29 at 2016 8:57 PM

2016-11-29T20:57:29-05:00

Too easy. Carry a clip board and if anyone asks, you're looking for volunteers

Response by SGT Johnny Owens made Nov 29 at 2016 9:01 PM

2016-11-29T21:01:31-05:00

I never shammed, I volunteered for everything. Never would have believed how much time off I was given.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 29 at 2016 9:34 PM

2016-11-29T21:34:17-05:00

I ensured I had a Manila folder with me. I would walk in from out side and sigh heavily as I wiped my brow. Then I would look like I was looking for something in my folder and around my desk, slam my hat on the desk while sighing heavily, say a curse word then walk out pissed. Bought me an hour outside at the smoke shack...

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 29 at 2016 10:37 PM

2016-11-29T22:37:55-05:00

Walk around carrying a can of oil/hydraulic fluid and a wrench! Worked almost every time.

Response by SPC Saundra Teater made Nov 29 at 2016 11:45 PM

2016-11-29T23:45:53-05:00

During our REFORGER days, I worked the SIDPERS for unit. When we got tired of all the BS, I would "accidentally " kill everyone in my unit. We automatically got a 24 hour reset. When I was questioned about how this kept happening, I told them the keys sometimes stick.

Response by SPC Alexander Hardin made Nov 29 at 2016 11:58 PM

2016-11-29T23:58:19-05:00

Being a medic....

Response by SPC Steve Praizner made Nov 30 at 2016 8:08 AM

2016-11-30T08:08:23-05:00

1. Walk quickly with purpose carrying something important looking...

2. Or, for those surprise weekend details (if you happen to live in the barracks) like cleaning the latrine, I would always keep a beer bottle by my door. Whenever I answered the door I was making sure to hold the beer bottle. Sorry Sgt, I can't do this detail because then I would be drunk on duty.

Response by SSG Erik McKinster made Nov 30 at 2016 9:39 AM

2016-11-30T09:39:47-05:00

Don't answer! It's a trap!

Response by Sgt Dee Watts made Nov 30 at 2016 10:53 AM

2016-11-30T10:53:31-05:00

My wife and I were both active duty. We called people like this "slugs". One of my big frustrations was with the biggest slugs of all, smokers!! They practically stayed out in the smoke pit, taking numerous smoke breaks each day during with they stayed out there forever while us nonsmokers didn't take many breaks, if any. Now THAT's shamming!

Response by PO2 Mark De Young made Nov 30 at 2016 11:56 AM

2016-11-30T11:56:57-05:00

As Electronics Safety "Officer" of the ship, I carried around a multi-meter and a handful of safety tags.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 30 at 2016 12:03 PM

2016-11-30T12:03:17-05:00

I used to go into the darkroom to "process film" and take a nice nap. The radio was on and no one ever would come in, not even my NCO, because it was just professional courtesy. So many things went on in those darkrooms.....

Response by SPC Kari Grove Wright made Nov 30 at 2016 1:54 PM

2016-11-30T13:54:11-05:00

A battle buddy of mine would say she had a meeting. The SFC tried calling her several times. She contacted me to get in touch with the PFC. I called her and she had a meeting with her pillow. She did this often.

Response by SPC Kari Grove Wright made Nov 30 at 2016 2:17 PM

2016-11-30T14:17:58-05:00

Here's my sham. I wa doing ACAP, since you have a year to do it. I did it everyday from May to the end of November. The SFC told me I had to get there on my own and shuttle came before PT formation. I'd stop by and tell my squad I was headed to ACAP. I'd chill at BK until the ACAP office was open at 8am or 9 am. I'd sign in look up a job or two then go back to the barracks. I'd carry the regulation in my pocket that I was allowed to ACAP for the last year. The SFC would get pissed off, but couldn't stop me.

Response by SFC Joseph Hannon made Nov 30 at 2016 3:48 PM

2016-11-30T15:48:46-05:00

When i was SPC in Germany in the early 80's, we had a hard charging 2LT who was going to work himself into the ground. One day I explained to him that he needed to relax every once in a while or he was going to burn himself out. A few weeks after that I saw him standing in front of the company bulletin board. When I asked how he was doing he said, "I figure this is good for fifteen minutes, twice a day." Not exactly a shamming superstar, but for him that was a huge step forward.

Response by SPC Mars Rhodes made Nov 30 at 2016 4:08 PM

2016-11-30T16:08:52-05:00

For PT you just fall out with someone else yelling "OH NO YOU DON'T. I GOT HIM SGT".

I don't understand all of the folders or walking around carrying something. Maybe it's just from being a fister but the best strategy is simply out of sight out of mind. It's best if you have someone stay behind that can warn you if there's any surprises.

Response by PFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 30 at 2016 4:34 PM

2016-11-30T16:34:37-05:00

Slept in the trunk of my car so I didn't have to help decorate for family day. Walked back inside the armory when they were finished and was asked by of the guys in my platoon "Where the fuck have you been?" My response: Had to police call the motorpool.

Response by SSG Ken Gilder made Nov 30 at 2016 4:43 PM

2016-11-30T16:43:17-05:00

I spent 24 years in public affairs (13 active; eight year break, 12 years reserve). I learned quickly, that the job of a PA practitioner, is to tell people to "go to hell," but to do it in such a way, so that they couldn't wait to get home and pack for the trip.

I also learned that bullshit is an art; that to become proficient, one must practice. Constantly. I mean, after all, why do you think we are called "artists?"

My co-workers (cohorts) and I could make the biggest disaster look like a resounding success - at least on paper, and in photos.

We had the "gift of gab." One lieutenant I worked for, once talked a two star into taking off his boots, and wearing hospital bedroom slippers, to take a tour of our facilities in Vietnam.

We were very good at what we did. We didn't just sham our superiors. We shammed everybody.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 30 at 2016 4:43 PM

2016-11-30T16:43:59-05:00

So I remember a few years ago we were fitting our trucks with MILES gear for XCTC. I was a SPC then so I was in charge of "supervising" the detail...bad move. I found a convoy from our sister troop going back near the barracks. I told my guys I had to "Go talk to Sgt. so and so" and that I'll be back ASAP. I slept for 3 hours and picked them up when they were done.

Response by SGT Leif Lynch made Nov 30 at 2016 4:44 PM

2016-11-30T16:44:30-05:00

I was a 25B and pretty good at my job and shamming. Any time i was scheduled for gate guard at the range I would remote into the BN CDRs laptop and "break" something. Typically just renaming outlook.exe or something and wait for the call when he got in..

I skipped all training my last two years in by doing something similar to the training NCO's system. I would always go in person to fix it so I could sign the roster as if I went to training.

I also used google voice and gave that to the company rather than my real cell number. When they call GV, they are prompted for their name if they aren't in your contacts.. when you answer you get to hear the contact name or what they recorded. Any time I got the call, I'd decline it and head that way later in the day or call them after CoB and let them know I'd be by in the morning.. after stopping by to fix the issue, I'd be in wind again.

My short time on rear D, I'd fall out after the plt sgt went in to get our detail for the day, I'd stand right next to him listening in to what was planned and text the other E4s to dip if it was bad. When he went out the back door to formation, I went out the front door.. I'm pretty sure he knew what I was doing but he never said anything.

Response by SFC Bruce Pettengill made Nov 30 at 2016 5:08 PM

2016-11-30T17:08:33-05:00

i was the Generals driver, when he had a lite schedule or was out of town, I would let everyone know I was washing and waxing his cat

Response by CPL Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 30 at 2016 6:36 PM

2016-11-30T18:36:20-05:00

I'm not going to sit here and give out the things I've pulled. I will say one of the most important things is realizing that different parts of the military very rarely communicate with each other. Example: You're a medic in a combat arms unit. You're scheduled to be at training. Last minute, spring on them that, as a medic, you're due for a re-cert or the unit could be facing consequences and not have a fully trained medic.

Other things could include making a rather simple project into a grueling, long act.

I've already got one DD214 and then came back to the guard for some reason. Lost my mind, I guess. Once I am out again, I'll find this thread and give more details on things that could possibly be done but will neither confirm nor deny that I did any of them.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 30 at 2016 6:37 PM

2016-11-30T18:37:20-05:00

Saying I need to go down to my cage and reorganize my assault bag. Just put a towel up, close the door and catch some Z's

Response by SPC Joshua Clarke made Nov 30 at 2016 6:39 PM

2016-11-30T18:39:21-05:00

Used to carry around a clipboard with a few pieces of paper on it. I would walk around and occasionally scribble something down. People generally left me alone assuming I was doing something important for someone.

Response by CPL Ricky Snelling made Nov 30 at 2016 6:39 PM

2016-11-30T18:39:50-05:00

I was a victim of stop loss for OEF. I convinced my Comander that you couldn't do pt after your final physical. Having about two more weeks of terminal leave than my comrades, I righted that wrong after I signed out.

Response by SGT Nathan Vitartas made Nov 30 at 2016 8:10 PM

2016-11-30T20:10:48-05:00

I was the battalion csm driver, whenever someone tried to get me to do something I'd lie and say I was working on a project for the XO, CSM, or Commander. Normally worked no one wanted to mess with what they had going on.

Response by CSM Christopher St. Cyr made Nov 30 at 2016 8:35 PM

2016-11-30T20:35:15-05:00

Shadow tip direction finding training. Make sure you have the TEO with you, move the rock every few minutes, and restart the 15 minute timer.

Response by SSG Thomas Hosfelt made Nov 30 at 2016 8:38 PM

2016-11-30T20:38:20-05:00

As an aviation maintenance guy, and I was never very big I'd crawl in the empty space behind the fuel cells in a Blackhawk and sleep in the tail boom. Later I became an MP, I would drive my patrol car to places where you could see the car but not me, it had the appearance that I was using radar

Response by PO3 Daniel Harris made Nov 30 at 2016 9:08 PM

2016-11-30T21:08:04-05:00

Carry a watch log on a clipboard during sweepers or fod walk down in the hangerbay, I wasn't an airdale, but they would absorb you

Response by LTJG Edward Bangor Jr made Nov 30 at 2016 9:30 PM

2016-11-30T21:30:25-05:00

Whenever something broke in the engineering plant on my ship, odds were I'd be writing a CASREP (casualty report). It happened often enough for my life to be a lot easier by putting together a little binder with the half dozen or so instructions I needed in it. One day, I figured out that if I had that binder in my hands, people figured I'd be talking with the CO some time in the next hour and should be left alone to get the report finished. I may have left that CASREP binder out on my desk accidentally on a few occasions.

Response by PO2 Charlene Basden made Nov 30 at 2016 10:04 PM

2016-11-30T22:04:51-05:00

Not really shamming, but when I was an airman at AIMD Norfolk I used to walk around because I would already have fixed what was assigned to me. To keep me from wandering I was assigned to assist and manage programs normally reserved for people who were Petty Officers.

Response by SSG James Harlow made Nov 30 at 2016 11:20 PM

2016-11-30T23:20:57-05:00

Carry a clip board and stop and look at something. Start scribbling notes and walk away. Everyone will think you are an important mission.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 1 at 2016 3:05 AM

2016-12-01T03:05:16-05:00

It's all about landnav! First get you and a couple buddies to do some recon of a good area. Atleast two days of shaming possible. Get a couple teams together that are going to "learn", dispatch a humvee. On the way to the field grab the bbq from the house (have a pickup parked with the coolers and grill in a place you can drive the gov up to.) Go out to the field toss the pigskin and enjoy your day.

Response by SGT Andrew Hosford made Dec 1 at 2016 1:03 PM

2016-12-01T13:03:56-05:00

Post a large sign on shop or office door that reads "Requesting volunteers for grounds maintenance detail. Please inquire within" Enjoy the rest of the day with no interruptions.

Response by SrA Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 1 at 2016 1:06 PM

2016-12-01T13:06:19-05:00

When youre in comms you walk around with computer parts. I.E. keyboard and mouse or cpu board in a magnetic bag. It works as a sham but the unfortunate catch 22 is i was always actually busy. Now as a guardsman with a high-paying contract job, I literally just walk out and go to Starbucks...I dont even like coffee.

Response by MAJ Robert Whaley made Dec 1 at 2016 1:12 PM

2016-12-01T13:12:32-05:00

Way back in the early 80's a friend of mine had a cardboard figure of himself, professionally made, from the waist up looking really busy with his head down. He planted it in his chair, moved his desk to face the window and would then leave the A.O. Most people figured he was on a deadline and left his cutout figure alone. Come to think of it he was looked at as pretty efficient.

Response by MSgt Christopher Schoen made Dec 1 at 2016 1:33 PM

2016-12-01T13:33:50-05:00

Waaaay back when people started having computers on their desks: they would face them away from viewing and be "gainfully employed" behind them. People would assume they were writing an EPR, award, or something important. Caught the NCOIC playing Mahjong.

Response by PO3 Ronald Buzzard made Dec 1 at 2016 3:27 PM

2016-12-01T15:27:52-05:00

I scored some tinted lenses for my cranial once when my P3 squadron was in Diego Garcia. Got stuck watching some mk20s and napped on the tongue of the ordnance trailer woke up when AO1 kicked my feet. Pretended I was ignoring him for a sec. That was less trouble than sleeping

Response by SGT Oli Dominguez made Dec 1 at 2016 4:00 PM

2016-12-01T16:00:46-05:00

I made it an art out of weapons cleaning... Hey Dominguez I need..." Sorry.. I have to clean these 240s.. Gotta be mission ready....

Response by CPL Jonathan Phelps made Dec 1 at 2016 4:10 PM

2016-12-01T16:10:17-05:00

I always found a thermos of coffee and the commanders type of cigars always kept me out of trouble

Response by CPL Josiah ONeal made Dec 1 at 2016 4:33 PM

2016-12-01T16:33:30-05:00

Spend at least one afternoon a week chilling with the new privates, teaching them useless shit from whatever book, disappear every afternoon during the week, after telling them which topic you covered today.

Nobody expects them to actually remember it well, especially without training aids, and if you're all in the same barracks room playing XBox, nobody gets caught. "Oh we were going over field dressings and tourniquets, and we ran to grab a Monster, we'll be back in 5".

Response by PO3 Douglas Moore made Dec 1 at 2016 5:51 PM

2016-12-01T17:51:21-05:00

A guy I served with in the navy taught me the best way to sham and it goes like this:
1) Grab a blue bucket from the shop (blue buckets were used for maintenance on our ship)
2) throw some random ass tools in the bucket
3) grab an MRC (maintenance requirement card)
4) walk around either making it look like you were looking for a piece of equipment or walk really fast like you are in a hurry

Needless to say for the next 2 and a half years I appeared to be doing maintenance and all I did was either hide or chill on the smoke deck and nobody asked a single question about it

Response by SSgt Scott Thompson made Dec 1 at 2016 7:09 PM

2016-12-01T19:09:50-05:00

good stuff here

Response by SSgt Ken Nolan made Dec 1 at 2016 7:22 PM

2016-12-01T19:22:38-05:00

Walk around with a rag and dirty hands...or walk around with a rag and when you hear someone coming just start polishing something.

Response by SPC Scott Fassnacht made Dec 1 at 2016 7:35 PM

2016-12-01T19:35:09-05:00

I see a lot of SPC and CPL posting haha

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 1 at 2016 7:58 PM

2016-12-01T19:58:56-05:00

Intel is one giant never ending game of ultimate sham.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 1 at 2016 7:59 PM

2016-12-01T19:59:27-05:00

Intel is one giant never ending game of ultimate sham.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 1 at 2016 9:11 PM

2016-12-01T21:11:32-05:00

I work as supply specialists and pretty much do everything, because my ssg is never around, however, if I don't like someone or don't feel like doing something. I will just tell them they they will have to come back later when my Ssg returns.

Response by SPC Christopher Wilkie made Dec 1 at 2016 9:51 PM

2016-12-01T21:51:32-05:00

During AIT our school schedules ran from 0600-1200 with afternoon PT or 1200-1800 with morning PT. A few select advanced topic students went 1800-2400 or 2400-0600 and just had to make one of the PT sessions. No PT roster was taken and there were different groups of cadre that ran each PT. When I was on "midnights", I would profess to having done the other PT from whatever time it was. Also, we got unlimited rack time with cadre threatening anyone that woke us up. That lasted 2 months.

Response by SGT Chris Stephens made Dec 1 at 2016 9:53 PM

2016-12-01T21:53:07-05:00

1. In AIT, when they had us fall out into our run-group formations for PT, I would run straight back inside to my room to catch another hour of sleep.
2. The civilian in my office at Fort Benning hated me so much that every time our section was tasked to provide someone for the week-long cleanup duty, I was always tasked with it. So, I'd go by the CQ desk, and pick up my trash bags and gloves. I'd then head straight to my room and sleep for a few hours, checking back in with the CQ right before lunch. I'd go eat, go back to the CQ to get another trash bag and head back out, only to go back to my room, where I'd chill out a little more and report back at 1700 to check out for the end of the day. I loved it and nobody ever really knew what I was doing, although one time the 1SG walked into my room to do an afternoon room cleanliness check. He never questioned it and he continued on his mission.
3. During training exercises in Korea, I loved it when my section's mission involved us staying at the DRASH at our camp. I loved being tasked with night duty because I was the only one from the section that was on night duty. I'd show up about 2000 and work on my nightly tasks and hang out until about 2300 to ensure everyone from my section was gone, as I had officers and NCOs who had hard times that they liked to be in bed. I'd go back to my room, sleep until about 0400 and go back to the tent and finish my nightly tasks, so that by 0500 when the next shift was there, it looked like I was there the entire night working. My section was a part of a headquarters unit, so most people didn't really know others in other sections.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 1 at 2016 10:31 PM

2016-12-01T22:31:04-05:00

Back in BCT it was a Sunday morning and one of the religious times alloted for us was personal reflection for those who were non religious, and I am Catholic. I was kneeling on my knees against my rack with my head in between my arms and hands clasped over my head. Dead asleep. Drill Sergeant came into the bay screaming and shouting but I stayed were I was still groggy trying to play it off, and my bunk-battle covered for me saying I was praying and even threw my rosary over my hands to make it look legit. Best battle buddy ever.

Response by PV2 Stephen Doblar made Dec 1 at 2016 10:39 PM

2016-12-01T22:39:54-05:00

Clipboard with PT cards and a stop watch

Response by SPC Tyler Engebretson made Dec 2 at 2016 12:48 AM

2016-12-02T00:48:28-05:00

I became very fond of curling up in the intake of an F18. Nice and warm after shutdown, and the excuse "No im not sleeping! Just diving ducts, checking the blades for damage."

Carrying a blue folder with a routing sheet stapled to the top, "I gotta run to admin" or "I gotta get this to..."

But my favorite was just sitting in the cockpit, ground power on, IETMs opened up in front of me, and just running built in tests that already went 'GO' over and over.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 2 at 2016 12:58 AM

2016-12-02T00:58:16-05:00

Nothing beats a clipboard with a couple sheets of paper

Response by CPL George Ross made Dec 2 at 2016 1:11 AM

2016-12-02T01:11:56-05:00

My second best sham was getting assigned as a "permanent" CQ at 97th general hospital. I know you think that must have sucked but I only had to wear scrubs for 2 years and worked 3 on and 4 off which let me do alot of travelling. Since I only wore scrubs most of the hospital garrison assumed I was a DOD civilian so I let my hair and mustache grow out and spent most of my time talking to ER nurses. By the time I pcsed and cut my hair and mustache back to Regulation length I did catch a rash of SH## while outprocessing from NCOs who recognized me as the scruffy civilan but it was completely worth it

Response by SSgt Christopher Stogdill made Dec 2 at 2016 2:08 AM

2016-12-02T02:08:41-05:00

Did this in Basic: Everytime the TI asked for a volunteer I volunteered, without hesitation. Some of these were blind requests called up to our flight's room. After the 4th time or so the TI asked why she always got me. After the BS intro I responded, "Just lucky I guess Ma'am". That was week one and I didn't have to do a single volunteer/voluntold thing for the next five weeks.

Response by Sgt John Gladden made Dec 2 at 2016 5:38 AM

2016-12-02T05:38:53-05:00

I have a few.

1) Walk around with a clipboard. Occasionally look at it seriously. Anyone asks what you are doing say taking inventory.

2) The Marines used to have MCIs in red books. (I'm told it's all electronic now) I would grab one of those red books and pretend to be reading it. Because they are needed for promotion I was never bothered.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 2 at 2016 5:54 AM

2016-12-02T05:54:28-05:00

I wasn't much of a scam artist in my junior sailor days, but I knew someone who would go from place to place with sound powered phones donned. They didn't have to be plugged in, and no one ever questioned what he was doing.

Response by SGT Gerald Mangus made Dec 2 at 2016 8:45 AM

2016-12-02T08:45:40-05:00

I had my own vault for an NBC room, I would just going in my "office" close the vault door and go to sleep

Response by SSG Freddie Washington made Dec 2 at 2016 10:11 AM

2016-12-02T10:11:18-05:00

Was Armorer in Germany. Hid a cot out of sight in arms room or always had an appointment to bring NODs up to 47th.

Response by SPC Ben Smith made Dec 2 at 2016 11:16 AM

2016-12-02T11:16:21-05:00

I was R&U and the unit armorer for a medical detachment, if I wasn't "working" in the arms room, I had a tool belt on and a screw driver in my hand walking around.

Response by PFC Cliff Thompson made Dec 2 at 2016 11:48 AM

2016-12-02T11:48:00-05:00

My MOS (55B when I was active, now 89R) allowed for lots of shamming. I had a few, minor shams but they added up. Stationed at Hood, I worked in the ASP.

Napping while waiting on units to arrive at the designated bunker for ammo for training. I did this frequently. The vehicles pulling up woke us up. No one really cared either. The hillside bunkers in my AO were cool in summer and warm in winter making great environments for naps.

Mail Clerk, the old CO clerk left and I jumped at the chance to be the new one(before I knew it would be a sham job). I had to pick up/return mail at the BN mail room at a specific time, so I had to leave the ASP with plenty of time to spare daily. This job alone accounted for a fair amount of missed work/training. Unfortunately I had to share the job with our Alternate Clerk, and also worked Saturdays....but I had no reason to drag it out so I was done within a half hour and back to sleeping off the previous nights hangover.

Those were my usual ways out of work. Some also involved "work", but compared to being outside in the Texas heat it wasn't so bad.

I was also a holdover in AIT due to tearing a rotator cuff during my final PT test. Got voluntold for details daily. Best one was CIF. We didn't have many incoming trainees/Permanent Party so we napped, played solitaire etc. Occasionally we'd get gear gathered, occasionally we'd actually clean the area, sort, organize and move stuff around. But only occasionally.

Response by SPC Alan Ellis made Dec 2 at 2016 11:49 AM

2016-12-02T11:49:31-05:00

Ended as Medhold driver,,long with buddy. Since we were on call till 10am (and only one car) I talked my psgt and 1sgt into letting us each work every other day. No formations, no pt, nothing on our days off. For an infantryman it was amazeballs.

Response by SPC Keith Beall made Dec 2 at 2016 12:36 PM

2016-12-02T12:36:49-05:00

My whole sniper section would sham at the same time. The key was to have no loose ends.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 2 at 2016 12:42 PM

2016-12-02T12:42:43-05:00

When I was at AIT the seconod time, the company was about 200-people - any time before PT when they would start yelling out names for a UA, I would sound off "Here, Sergeant, Moving Sergeant" fall out and go to the UA formation. When I got up there and they didn't have my name "Hmm...Thought you called me" and then go back to bed.

It never ever ever ever ever failed.

Response by SPC Joe Ide made Dec 2 at 2016 1:27 PM

2016-12-02T13:27:58-05:00

Always have a beer in the fridge. When anyone would roam the barracks looking for available personnel for this job or that, answer the door with beer in hand--would get you out of most extra duties Infantry/Patriot 4/43 ADA Giessen WGerm early 90's

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 2 at 2016 1:57 PM

2016-12-02T13:57:27-05:00

I would take like 15 minutes wonder around the unit and tell a few people that I was going to see this person then stop by for some pointless task, tell them I was going to see the next person about something etc etc. Do this for about 4 or 5 people. Then disappear for an hour or two. If someone came looking for me they would run into a bunch of people that had seen me or knew where I was going or who I was going to see It made it sound like a full morning of meetings and work, and the never caught on that it all happened in only a few minutes.

Response by CPT Bob Heady made Dec 2 at 2016 2:06 PM

2016-12-02T14:06:44-05:00

Me and two other recent basic training graduates reported early to our AIT unit at Ft. Lewis. We were the only ones in our barracks waiting for the cycle to start in a week. As we were using the head we noticed all the pipes were copper and envisioned many hours of polishing. We found cans of paint that matched the walls and painted all of them.

Response by TSgt G Redman made Dec 2 at 2016 2:16 PM

2016-12-02T14:16:51-05:00

I had a boss who used to let the papers pile up. When they got outta control he'd take the top third, stuff them in a holy Joe and send them to himself through Distro. By the time they got back he'd be caught up..

Response by LCpl Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 2 at 2016 2:27 PM

2016-12-02T14:27:08-05:00

Use the word "inventory" liberally.
Type a lot.
Sit next to a phone, claim to be waiting for a call (not mine).
Also, clipboards make everything look important...even chow lists.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 2 at 2016 3:10 PM

2016-12-02T15:10:58-05:00

So this is a multi pronged attack.
1) keep extra cap on desk, Always keep primary in the small of your back. People can see the bulge in your cargo pocket.
2) keep old ID card in CAC reader
3) ALWAYS schedule meetings with units outside yours, on the other side of post, for around 1500 so its not unusual to not be around after 1500 on days you had enough.
4) If you know that day is gonna be a sham day, talk up CQ as early as possible. Every Soldier loves Ranch sunflower Seeds or Red Bull or something. Around 1700, call CQ and as them to put your spare cover and CAC in your desk drawer as inconspicuously as possible.

100% success rate!

Response by Maj Kim Patterson made Dec 2 at 2016 5:29 PM

2016-12-02T17:29:21-05:00

Irrelevant pile of paper on my desk. I took it out of a drawer each morning and put it back each night. That way I "looked" busy and could,get what needed to be done without someone adding extra stuff because of any appearance I did not have enough to do.

Response by PO3 Faith Gibbs made Dec 2 at 2016 8:48 PM

2016-12-02T20:48:52-05:00

When I was taking my turn working for 90 days in the galley. After lunch and before dinner when the galley was empty I skated off in style. Hung out in the MA's office. I would sit in a rolling chair behind the counter and around the corner from the door. Non security personnel weren't supposed to be behind the counter but when my 2 friends who both had duty on the same day would let me hang out with them.

Response by Correy Twilley made Dec 2 at 2016 9:00 PM

2016-12-02T21:00:11-05:00

Asleep head-first in the hell hole of a Blackhawk with hands safety wired up in the air and a ratchet safety wired next to the hand.

First sound of approaching danger and a couple of twists of the ratchet let everyone know you were "hard at work."

Response by SPC Ken Sawyer made Dec 2 at 2016 9:26 PM

2016-12-02T21:26:44-05:00

When I was with the 25th s&it we would go over kolekole pass and park on the Marine base when their mo's would come by we would tell them we were broke down waiting for a wrecker. They didn't really care we were Army so they would head back down and out command never thought to look for us on a Marine base

Response by SGT Kevin Reisetter made Dec 2 at 2016 10:09 PM

2016-12-02T22:09:50-05:00

SPC and below- move with a purpose from one hiding spot to the next at random intervals, not less than 8 minutes and not more than 32 minutes apart.

SGT and up- Clipboard with 1/4" stack of official looking paper. Large professional-ish coffee mug wth lid. Annoyed countenance is a must.

Corporals are hosed.

Response by SFC Cameron Cranston made Dec 2 at 2016 10:40 PM

2016-12-02T22:40:39-05:00

Carry a notebook, walk fast and mumble. People will think you're on your way someplace important. I was usually on my way to the break area.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 2 at 2016 11:42 PM

2016-12-02T23:42:51-05:00

After duty hours sham power:
An empty beer bottle on a table near the door in my barracks room. Someone would come by after duty hours with a " Hey, 1SG needs bodies for a detail..." and BAM, " Sorry, already had a beer..."

Response by CPO Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 2 at 2016 11:51 PM

2016-12-02T23:51:03-05:00

When I was a junior Hospital Corpsman working in the lab, I used to walk around with 6 or 7 old lab printouts walking from workbench to workbench looking real busy, kept me out of working parties and being voluntold.

Response by SPC Don Brooks made Dec 3 at 2016 12:22 AM

2016-12-03T00:22:45-05:00

Became a 68W.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 3 at 2016 12:42 AM

2016-12-03T00:42:14-05:00

I've always told an NCO one of two things:

1. I'm on my way to the latrine, I've been shitting myself for about an hour now

2. Sgt, being the senior specialist and all... I've already have done this task many times, it's better to have PFC New-As-Fuck do it... don't worry, I'll supervise Sgt.

Works every time. That or walk away once you see an NCO that's walking with a purpose towards you.

Response by SPC Chris Deboard made Dec 3 at 2016 1:53 AM

2016-12-03T01:53:47-05:00

When I was in basic Sunday was spring cleaning and the church services were only an hour or so long. But a battle of mine told me about Muslim service it was all away across post in the reception area and lasted nearly 4 hrs and we are all white boys. Needless to say when we got back spring cleaning was done.......I know....I know

Response by SGT William Schomer made Dec 3 at 2016 9:59 AM

2016-12-03T09:59:28-05:00

As an E4 I always had a rag in my pocket so if need be I could look busy

Response by PO2 Andy Tuzinski made Dec 3 at 2016 10:03 AM

2016-12-03T10:03:20-05:00

A clipboard and a frown always worked. Noone would question you because they didn't want to get saddled with whatever was wrong.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 3 at 2016 11:13 AM

2016-12-03T11:13:42-05:00

I became a medic and went to an infantry batt, enough said

Response by PO2 Robert Foster made Dec 3 at 2016 11:31 AM

2016-12-03T11:31:26-05:00

Be in involved with many programs. Navy AT here and I was an awful AT; just didn't have the skills for that sort of electrical work. So I started to make myself useful in other ways; shop/building/over-all qualifications & many side-activities and programs. So much of the time I really did have other places to be, but I could use that to do what I wanted as well; everyone assumed I was with someone else. The key to good shamming is having actual work at the center of it.
I can't write this without mentioning the most outrageous of the guys I worked with: he was loaned out to another shop for a while and when he came back he somehow convinced both Days and Nights he worked the other shift. He' come in right before Night shift came in and left a little after Day shift. When he got caught, he barely got in trouble for 1) the sheer audacity of it and 2) it would look very bad on our shop for not catching it sooner so it stayed internal.

Response by SSG Bret Magnuson made Dec 3 at 2016 12:06 PM

2016-12-03T12:06:54-05:00

I was the Battalion Ammunition NCO. I was always at the AHA sleeping

Response by SPC Michael Lewers made Dec 3 at 2016 2:52 PM

2016-12-03T14:52:10-05:00

Infantry: I'd tell the squad leaders, me and the rest of the team are going out into the wood line to practice our movement and concealment techniques. Once in the woods we'd set up shop under a tree, and we'd nap.

Response by MSG Tim Gray made Dec 3 at 2016 3:34 PM

2016-12-03T15:34:55-05:00

statute of limitations hasn't expired yet, "I know nothing!"

Response by LTC Francis Irwin made Dec 3 at 2016 6:41 PM

2016-12-03T18:41:02-05:00

First, find something really cool or fun. Figure out some part of it that requires doing on a regular basis, but on your own schedule. Whenever someone comes by with their work, 'sorry sir, the space shuttle door guns need test firing again'.

Response by Cpl Jay Anger made Dec 3 at 2016 9:57 PM

2016-12-03T21:57:05-05:00

I worked my ass off in bootcamp and made E2 at graduation. Then I worked my ass off in MCT and MOS School and was promoted to E3. I worked my ass off as an E3 and was assigned to an E6 billet . . . my work is done here . . . I'm an E3 receiving the full respect as if I were an NCO. E4 was pinned on after that no questions asked. Unfortunately, I got severely injured during a training exercise while an E2 and didn't know it, got cut open, parts installed, and was cut loose a day before I pinned on E5. One of the saddest days of my life.

Response by PFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 3 at 2016 10:09 PM

2016-12-03T22:09:59-05:00

Getting up in the belly of an Apache and napping, although some of my friends preferred sleeping in the catwalk

Response by PO1 Michael Turner made Dec 4 at 2016 6:29 AM

2016-12-04T06:29:58-05:00

Best shamming tactic in the Navy on ship is to carry a tag out sheet with red tags, wander around like you are looking for someone the sign it.

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 4 at 2016 11:18 AM

2016-12-04T11:18:23-05:00

I had a Marine that would sleep inside of cabinets and lockers. I became good at finding skaters. I myself was in charge of to much stuff. But occasionally i used that to skate and i would relax in a humv trailer up at the motorpool or behind the barrels of aviation fuel that i was in charge of counting. I would make excuses for my roommates as junior Marine like they have explosive diarrhea and cant show up for formations. Good times.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 4 at 2016 1:11 PM

2016-12-04T13:11:08-05:00

As a mechanic, my best sham was just three words: "That's operator level."

Response by PFC Sandra Johnson made Dec 4 at 2016 1:23 PM

2016-12-04T13:23:21-05:00

While in AIT at Ft. Jackson, getting smoked was almost an hourly occurrence. When we pushed the drill would make us 'hold it' in the down position shift left, then right, back to the middle then up. So I would put my hands as close as I could without it looking suspicious. When we had to hold it, i would rest on my breasts. Never got caught.

Response by SPC EricaRae Cano made Dec 4 at 2016 1:42 PM

2016-12-04T13:42:42-05:00

So true, always carry something, preferably a large folder or several as a matter of fact. Never look anyone in the eye, walk with purpose, very briskly- as if one is there, carrying an item, to accomplish a mission. Always in plain sight, accountable, but yet no need for accountability.

Response by SPC EricaRae Cano made Dec 4 at 2016 1:44 PM

2016-12-04T13:44:00-05:00

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 4 at 2016 5:05 PM

2016-12-04T17:05:45-05:00

I would duck off to the restroom after pt formation and never come back

Response by SPC Jay Young made Dec 4 at 2016 5:38 PM

2016-12-04T17:38:50-05:00

1/3 FA 2AD Fort Hood - sent down to the motor pool in Texas summer heat. We would be expected to spend the afternoon cleaning out the connex and perform general maintenance on 155 Howiters. I'd grab some wrenches and lay under the front of the howitzer with my feet sticking out to keep cool and catch a wink.

Response by SPC Douglas Eldredge made Dec 4 at 2016 7:00 PM

2016-12-04T19:00:47-05:00

Not much of a sham but in basic on the night we spring forward. Jumped at that 0200 fire guard slot. Got up, set the clocks forward, woke the next guy.

If you think karma is not a bitch, I pulled cq or cq runner on fall back night for 3 years.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 4 at 2016 7:01 PM

2016-12-04T19:01:15-05:00

Got an appointment with Dr. Links and won't be back for the rest of the day.

Response by SGT Edward Tessmann made Dec 4 at 2016 8:51 PM

2016-12-04T20:51:27-05:00

At FT. Lewis, Wa at the motor pool used to have a clipboard with some DA Forms 2404's and a TM acting like we were doing PM checks.

Response by SGT Michael Rodriguez made Dec 5 at 2016 1:15 AM

2016-12-05T01:15:25-05:00

We had a few guys in my Artillery unit that would park their cars about a quarter mile up from where they knew we were going to do our runs (down Ardennes street on Bragg) and then fall out of PT formation after running a quarter mile, acting like they couldn't keep up. They would run to their cars and leave until 9am formation.

Response by SPC Seth Wilson made Dec 5 at 2016 8:30 AM

2016-12-05T08:30:45-05:00

I'd say I have inventories to do.

Response by A1C Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 5 at 2016 11:15 AM

2016-12-05T11:15:54-05:00

In a limbo status between two careerfields as a "SOT" or student out of training. I was on multiple cleaning details, until I found the perfect one.

I carried around a notepad and pen in hand, annotating all the tasks other people were doing, avoiding any cleaning myself.

This worked for awhile, until I learned of one ideal cleaning assignment.

Half a dozen of us went to clean a recreation hall. After a single hour of work or so, the gaming systems, computers and personalized theater with lazy-boys were at our desposal.

napping was encouraged.

Response by PO2 Richard Flikkema made Dec 5 at 2016 2:04 PM

2016-12-05T14:04:24-05:00

Walk around with a "tag out" in hand looking for people to sign... worked two ways:
1) you were busy doing maintenance on something
2) no sailor who knows, would want to take the time out of their day to check your work and be your verification (second check) signature.
I got a LOT of "carry on" as a result...

Also knew a PO who was our valve maintenance guru... found out he was packing the gear bag with his change of clothes, would leave base early morning and come back before end of day... he got caught coming back a few times and always had dental or doctors appointments... did well for a few months until "Field day Friday" when CO wanted 100% accountability...

Response by CPL K Wu made Dec 5 at 2016 5:34 PM

2016-12-05T17:34:55-05:00

Wall around the motor pool with a tool or a truck part or walk around with a folder, used to play a lot of call of duty at work especially since our unit didn't have any work at fort Polk.

Response by CW3 Harvey K. made Dec 5 at 2016 9:54 PM

2016-12-05T21:54:01-05:00

Slow times at the motor pool would find me under the M-35 with a box wrench that fit a convenient nut. It's easy to nap with one arm in the air, with your sleeve around that wrench.

Response by SPC Nicholas Nelmsoverholtzer made Dec 5 at 2016 10:52 PM

2016-12-05T22:52:38-05:00

When i was a medic assigned to an infantry platoon, I would tell them I was doing sick call with the aid station, and tell the aid station I was doing PT with the infantry. Then I went to my room to jerk it.

Response by SGT James Boguszewski made Dec 6 at 2016 9:45 AM

2016-12-06T09:45:48-05:00

Surprised no one this yet
never did it myself but watched it done many times mostly in line units
be the kiss butt board soldier, as soon as Top hears you want to go to a soldier of the month you're done working
these guys always hung around Top and the E-7s , get time off to study or get the uniform ready, can't pull CQ the board is in 2 days
get released to get a fresh haircut or go to the gym
and as soon as the board for May is over you got to get ready for the June board

Response by SGT Jason Ellenburg made Dec 6 at 2016 4:09 PM

2016-12-06T16:09:47-05:00

When I was a lowly supply puppy, I always carried a clipboard whenever I left the confines of my Armsroom. It wasn't blank, but had my cyclic checklist on it (or at least a blank one that was half filled out). It didn't matter where I was going or what I was doing, but one look at the checklist and people usually turned the other way (mostly because they forgot their weapons cards or were too busy to answer questions). This even included the First Sergeant, who only stopped me once and got queried for his rifle card... he never stopped me again.

When I became a supply daddy, I shammed by staying in the Supply Cave. People only ventured in when they wanted something and I had three minions to boss around while I looked important and drank coffee. :P In truth, I was always right on schedule by the skin of my teeth for the supply paperwork and reports.

Response by SPC Crystal McDonald made Dec 6 at 2016 4:26 PM

2016-12-06T16:26:13-05:00

I was a cook. We work 0500-1400 or 1100-1900. I would skip pt or motor maintenence by saying I was working the morning shift but I actually work the afternoon shift. Sleep till I actually have to go in. If we had afternoon formation or meetings, I would be on shift when actually I already worked mornings and was off. The company never looks for the cooks cause we always in the dfac.

Response by SPC Richard Mote made Dec 6 at 2016 4:43 PM

2016-12-06T16:43:34-05:00

Was a corpsman Ambulance driver in El Paso. Every time the did a live fire out on the ranges they had to have a medic on standby. I volunteered for all of them spent most of 2 years sleeping in my ambulance.

Response by PO1 Jarrod de Rose made Dec 7 at 2016 6:11 PM

2016-12-07T18:11:33-05:00

When I was in refit assist on the USS Lousisian, I would go straight to the paint locker, get two things of paint and tell the other crews LPO that I was gonna go paint some random area. I would quickly paint anything that matched the colors I had, go sit in the smoke pit for half and hour then tell him I needed to get more paint. I would go to the paint locker, drop off my buckets and then head on home. I would usually be home before 1000. Worked every time.

Response by Joseph Coon made Dec 7 at 2016 9:00 PM

2016-12-07T21:00:51-05:00

The Sham Wow thread.

Response by PO3 Philip Shovar made Dec 8 at 2016 9:06 AM

2016-12-08T09:06:00-05:00

I carried a couple tools around in my back pocket and would lift a drop tile every now and then checking for fit.

Response by CW4 Andrew Carson made Dec 8 at 2016 1:52 PM

2016-12-08T13:52:01-05:00

Just read a bunch of these responses. I was in a MOS and position where my daily job and combat mission were one in the same. I didn't sham, but I managed my time efficiently, got right to work, and met or exceeded the deadlines I was faced with, so I had plenty of down time in the afternoons to do "management by walking with a cup of coffee" and to leave early. When I retired, I was frustrated with the civilian world where people were inefficient and just wanted you to put in 10 hour days to prove how hard you were working. Just stupid if you ask me.

Response by SFC Tom Carey made Dec 8 at 2016 5:52 PM

2016-12-08T17:52:03-05:00

"I'm going to: the motor pool; Bn HQ; Alpha Co; The flight line!

Response by LTC Timothy Bufford made Dec 9 at 2016 9:28 AM

2016-12-09T09:28:16-05:00

As a young lieutenant, I was a FIST Chief in the 9th ID. In garrison, we had to coordinate our training with the infantry company we supported. Since our battalion was on North Fort at Ft Lewis and they were on Main Post, the travel time was often used to run errands, visit the PX or stop for lunch at the O Club.

Response by PVT Mark Brown made Dec 9 at 2016 2:17 PM

2016-12-09T14:17:51-05:00

While in Korea I lived in the Commo hooch. Although it was not my job, at times I would relieve guys on the switch board. It was the type with jack that were used to connect calls. A caller would have to ring down the board and ask for his party which the operator would plug him into. It was SOP to to check on the line usage by breaking in and saying "Ultra (name of our switchboard) Work?" Another words checking if the line was still in use. The connection was not disconnected until the operator actually pulled the line from the board. On selected NCO's and Officers it would be necessary in my eyes to check the line at maybe 10 second intervals.. Really got them pissed. Another trick was to ring down (make their phone ring) their line while they were still on the line. It cause a very bothersome noise in their handset. That made that boring job go by faster.

Response by SMSgt Lawrence McCarter made Dec 16 at 2016 11:44 AM

2016-12-16T11:44:20-05:00

Make social calls to some of Your fellow Senior NCOs in other units, going here and there You look busy, that what counts.

Response by PO1 Don Hand made Apr 28 at 2017 6:16 PM

2017-04-28T18:16:22-04:00

Another one that worked well for a while on shore duty... we had an "in/out" board in the office and I'd put "took the dog to the vet..." and leave early or sometimes I'd just put "OFO" and never got questioned about either one. Until one day the office manager came up to me real concerned and said "I think it's amazing that you spend so much time trying to get your poor doggie fixed..." And I had to fight not to laugh when I told her "I don't have a dog..."

Later she asked what "OFO" meant, was it a miltary term? And I told her no, it means "Out Effing Off..."

Response by SPC James White made May 4 at 2017 4:10 PM

2017-05-04T16:10:02-04:00

Set up my office on the other side of post from the main unit. They were located in a secure building, part of my job involved cell phones, so I got a closet in the motor pool full of comms gear to say I was working on.

Yeah, they usually called me back over when the squad needed someone for a detail, but that required they go out of their way and remember I existed.

Response by SPC Ken Sawyer made May 12 at 2017 8:06 AM

2017-05-12T08:06:37-04:00

As a Duce driver in Hawaii I would drive up to Kolekole pass. Once through the gate you were on a Marine base. So I would pull the back off of the passenger seat lean it against the door and go to sleep. If a Marine MP came by I would tell them I was broke down waiting on the motor pool to come get me. Since I was Army they wouldn't bother to check

Response by AB David Werner made Jun 17 at 2020 7:31 PM

2020-06-17T19:31:22-04:00

Sorry, but I have explosive diarrhea.

Response by LT Joseph Jones made Jul 26 at 2021 4:27 PM

2021-07-26T16:27:34-04:00

Had a young man on the carrier who was assigned to my division from another department. He never checked in until we had a man overboard drill. For over four months he pretended to be a berthing cleaner then after morning quarters he would put on civvies and leave the ship. He got a nice 30, 30 half pay times two and reduction in rate.

Response by Sgt Dale Briggs made Jul 27 at 2021 8:49 AM

2021-07-27T08:49:41-04:00

Don’t know if this applies, but we lost a Cpl at Fort Bragg during a night move. He was skating catching some Zs and was run over by a 10 ton killing him, dead at 21 because he was tired and not where he was supposed to be. Both the SSGt guiding the trucks using only blackout lights and the driver were still in court when I EASd out, so I don’t know the final outcome, but the driver lost about all his hair and it’s likely the SSGT lost his career, as well as losing a Marine. My sons AF attached to Army and I always warned him to be alert when your in the field doing anything, do what your supposed to do be where your supposed to be. Large maneuvers can be dangerous when the bulk of the troops are young enlisted, and being in the military is inherently dangerous, it’s the nature of the beast.

Response by SGT Charles Whited made May 26 at 2022 11:06 PM

2022-05-26T23:06:15-04:00

Who do you think leads the E-4 mafia?