What’s your opinion on joining the military with children?

Dom Gomez — Tue, 27 Nov 2018 22:03:49 -0500

I’m looking into the army it’s always been a dream I have alright civilian job but want better for my family I have two small kids what’s your opinion on the military?

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 27 at 2018 10:09 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 27 Nov 2018 22:09:29 -0500

Are you married or a single parent? I know that’s a slightly invasive question but it’s important to know. The Army isn’t exactly single parent friendly. The Army and military is great in a lot of ways. It provides a lot of opportunities, individually and for your loved ones. Have you spoken to a recruiter? While, you may not be dead set, you can still get a lot of information as to what to expect. I can also give you a pretty good idea of what to expect, if you’d prefer?

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 27 at 2018 10:20 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 27 Nov 2018 22:20:16 -0500

You may want to ask your wife for her honest assessment first. Because if you do decide to join and gain acceptance into the military then your spouse takes second fiddle and the kids move to the back of the bus. Wanting better for your family is an honorable desire but the military can be a cold and calculating mistress that can and will demand all of your attention.

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made Nov 27 at 2018 10:26 PM

Lt Col Charlie Brown — Tue, 27 Nov 2018 22:26:58 -0500

Sit down and with your spouse, set out the pros and cons. Then decide as a couple what to do.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 27 at 2018 11:40 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 27 Nov 2018 23:40:41 -0500

If it has always been a dream, join. Plenty of married folks with children in the military.
Money may be a bit tight until you make some rank. You can compare your current wages to that of E--1 so there is no shock.
There is an allowance for housing also, medical insurance, etc.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 27 at 2018 11:57 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 27 Nov 2018 23:57:03 -0500

It's good benefits and solid pay for your family. The trade offs are that there are sometimes frequent or long deployments. Your spouse needs to be OK with you being gone for weeks on end. That's not every job, either. Some MOSs train and work on different schedules. Some will train constantly at one unit, then move to a different unit a few years later and it will be totally relaxed.

But your kids will never go hungry. You can pass your GI Bill on to your spouse or children. Graduate college with all your tuition paid. There will always be a support network there for you when you hit a financial hardship. There's always room for growth. Best of all, if you don't like your boss, one of you will move within the next three years.
30 days of paid leave a year, and paid 4 day weekends every federal holiday is pretty nice too

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Nov 28 at 2018 4:28 AM

PO1 William "Chip" Nagel — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 04:28:30 -0500

Dom Gomez I Can't Speak for the Army. I'm a Sailor but I made a Career out of it and Don't Regret It. Now Family Life? I was gone a lot. More Gone than Home. Weigh the Pros and Cons.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 28 at 2018 6:34 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 06:34:44 -0500

I would really assess your financial situation. Serving is admirable for sure, but if you make more than say $24,000 annually, I would say keep that income and join the Reserve force of the branch you are interested. That way you get to serve and have some additional income. Sit down with your spouse, all of your bills and do the math. Check out this look and go all the way to the bottom left of the chart/table on page two.This will be about how much you will receive in pay .. https://www.dfas.mil/dam/jcr:ccc8e348-187d-4bff-9e39-b113ad7fa67d/MilPayTable2018_4.pdf yes you will get basic allowance for housing but that, in many cases, will only cover the cost of rent and maybe a few utilities. For monthly Reserve pay, go to page 6. Lowest rows. The figures in red would monthly drill pay.

Again, I think serving in the military is awesome, just do your due diligence, check your budget.

Good luck

MilPayTable2018_4.pdf

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 28 at 2018 6:55 AM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 06:55:48 -0500

Have you thought about joining the Guard? That could be like a stepping stone to see if you and your family will like the military life. You can always go active later or stay with the Guard. Stay home, serve, benefits. Just another thing to consider. Extra income like a part time job with better benefits.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 28 at 2018 7:40 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 07:40:30 -0500

My child was born a week after I went on active duty orders. It was tough having to leave so early for PT and go away from home for temporary duty, but my wife was willing to support it. The pay is good, benefits are good, there are a lot of support systems on base. My child always got a kick out of the Army things on post, like the tanks on display, etc. And obviously, lots of military people have small children. It's hard with unique challenges, but worth it in my opinion.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 28 at 2018 8:05 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 08:05:07 -0500

As previously mentioned, I would sit down with your spouse and see what they think. I joined with a 2 yr old and a 4mo old. It wasn't easy but because I had the support of my family, it made it that much easier.

Response by PO1 Don Gulizia made Nov 28 at 2018 8:55 AM

PO1 Don Gulizia — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 08:55:33 -0500

If you already have a family, I would look at the other services. This platform is a good resource to ask these kinds of questions. Personally, if I were to join now...with a family...I would look at the Air Force or Coast Guard. Those two seem to have a better family/deployment balance. I did one tour with the "Rocky Mountain Navy" and we were stationed in Colorado Springs. All of the services/housing were Air Force. While only miles away, the enlisted housing at Peterson AFB and Fort Carson were world's apart. Good luck.

Response by Maj John Bell made Nov 28 at 2018 9:30 AM

Maj John Bell — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 09:30:30 -0500

There are so many variations that it is hard to give you a straight answer. I can only speak to the life as a Marine Infantry officer. I will not say that it is the same experience across all Branches or military occupational specialties (MOS's), or ranks.

I loved it, but it was hard on my wife, and harder on my kids. I married a woman who was strong, independent, and who never quits or feels sorry for herself. Mostly her, and a little me, raised our kids to be the same. We made it just fine (36 years this March). But in my day, most first term enlistment marriages ended in divorce and/or marital infidelity, (somewhere around 75%).

First the bad news:
Your wife says she is OK with it, but she is speaking from no experience.
_She will be whisked away from her family support network, and be in a strange place, maybe a strange country. Is she really up for that?
_She will lose the majority of her social network with every change of duty station, and have to quickly form another one. Is she really up for that?
_She will lose seniority on the job, start over at the bottom and the fact that she is leaving in 2-4 years will limit career advancement. Is she really up for that?
_She will potentially give you a hug and a kiss and see you off on a deployment, with the thought in the back of her mind, that she may not see you alive again. Is she really up for that?

_My next door neighbor taught my daughter how to ride her bike, while I was gone. Are you OK with that?
_I took another buddies daughter to her first father daughter dance, because he was dead. Are you OK with that?
_I took his son fishing for the first time, and on his first deer hunt. Are you OK with that?

I strongly believe that no one entering service in a deployable MOS (almost all are), should marry until they have one deployment under their belt. You cannot explain to her what it will be like, when you haven't experienced it yourself. Even then the soldier's experience is not the spouses experience. You get the glory and fun. She carries the weight at home, with very little acknowledgement by anyone but you.

I strongly believe that you should not have children until until your wife has been married to you, and not gone home to mom and dad while you deploy, for one deployment. Why strain a marriage to the limits while the marriage is still green, risking that your kids will go through a divorce?

You are a husband and a father, two very important roles. What YOU want really doesn't matter much anymore. Do what is best for your family. That may be in the service, it may not be in the service.

Now for the good news, If you survive all the bad news:
_Your lives will be so much bigger than they would have been.
_You and your wife will have an unbreakable bond and a genuine appreciation for each other
_Your kids will be strong, resilient, flexible and wise beyond their years.

Response by CPO Chris Kellar made Nov 28 at 2018 9:55 AM

CPO Chris Kellar — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 09:55:36 -0500

The military community is a great place to raise your family, although you are separated from your "kin", the community takes their place (if you live on base/post). The military is not for everyone, families are also affected because of deployments. I spent 25+ years with a family, now we miss it.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Nov 28 at 2018 10:42 AM

SGM Erik Marquez — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 10:42:32 -0500

Its not for everyone, and if you wanting for anything more then a place to work hard and the only reward being more hard work,, It would be ill advised to join for the "benefits"
Military live with kids is difficult, for the kids, for the spouse, for the service member and it works out less well for many>
My wife and two kids made it work for 28 years, but it was not without trials and tribulations that would not have been for our Military service.
That said, working late nights unplanned, having unscheduled work weekends, stressful surprise inspections, equipment break downs or supply shortages, management miscommunication or disagreements, forced moves in the company or Geo location all happen commonly in the outside business world as well. And folks make all that and Kids, marriage work.
Can you be successful in the military, enjoy it and have a happy life with kids and a spouse? YES but it takes work, and all involved to sacrifice things along the way. Could be the school the kids want to stay at, the job the spouse takes they hate, but its what is available, the family vacation canceled, the job / friends / school left because the Army said PCS, and much more.
There are of course great things that come with military life... I wont list them as they are different for each. What I felt was a good thing others might not. And you wont know how you, the kids and spouse feel about what is hard, or good until your in it.. That is a reality all need to grasp... You can guess, but until your doing it you wont know for sure...

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Nov 28 at 2018 2:37 PM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 14:37:42 -0500

I had 1.5 kids when I was commissioned (my wife was pregnant with our second child). In general, the Air Force treated my family and me very well. My first assignment was as a pilot training student. Here's how it went then (1969). We reported in to our first assignment location (Laughlin AFB, Del Rio, TX). I in-processed into the Air Force and the base along with 98 other students in my class. We were given time off one afternoon to have our spouses get their ID card. The spouses also received a couple of hours of indoctrination and greeting from the Wing Commander's wife and the officers wives' club (there weren't any family support centers). (Keep in mind that there were no female Air Force pilots in 1969. All the instructors and students were guys. About half of the student pilots were unmarried.) The wives were instructed on dealing with the base medical center, what to wear to the BX and commissary and an overview of the type of training their spouses were starting. One of my instructors clued us in on applying for base housing, so we did. In the meantime we rented an inexpensive duplex in town. We weren't used to having a lot of money because I'd worked my way through college and my daughter was born during my freshman year. The $400+ dollar monthly paycheck seemed like a princely sum for the first few months. I started a year-long series of 8 to 12-hour training days, five days a week. I took the day my son was born off--no paternity leave. I updated our family status at base housing office. We were offered a 3-bedroom duplex on base within 48 hours. We took it, but my wife had to supervise the movers by herself when my son was about 3 weeks old. The housing was great compared to what we were used to as college students. The military medical facility took good care of my wife and kids. The Commissary provided good food at reasonable prices. The BX was small at our base, but had the necessary baby and kid stuff. Overall, the experience my first year was quite good. We were young enough that the first PCS to Langley AFB, VA, by way of Little Rock AFB, AR, and Pope AFB, NC, was an adventure.

Also, let me encourage you to look all 5 armed services. The benefits and pay are the same for all, but the working conditions can be very different depending on your MOS or AFSC and location. Shop around and take the best deal for you and your family.

Response by CWO2 Shelby DuBois made Nov 28 at 2018 5:07 PM

CWO2 Shelby DuBois — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 17:07:46 -0500

That depends on a lot and there is no space for a full answer. It's not a job...it's a profession. You must dedicate yourself to it and its principles, expectations and shortcomings. Everyone has to be on board or it'll cause chaos...to your and their psyche, your ability to train and ability to carry out orders. They have to be ready to go dadless for long stretches. Can the wife handle it? Can the kids cooperate? I did 22 years...was married a year after going in... had two daughters along the way. We all loved it...still do....my Marine brats are the best and my Marine wife is my pride and joy. Yes..it can be done...

Response by SPC Jordan Sutich made Nov 28 at 2018 5:29 PM

SPC Jordan Sutich — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 17:29:12 -0500

It's not easy. Children can really suffer in this area if they are older. A good mom and dadwill always be the best thing to help them through.

Response by SPC Jordan Sutich made Nov 28 at 2018 7:42 PM

SPC Jordan Sutich — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 19:42:20 -0500

Lots of love when the deployed is around. It is way more easy when they are that young.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 28 at 2018 10:36 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 22:36:31 -0500

I did it... Kind of. I was in highschool and got my girlfriend pregnant. Knowing I had to support her and the baby, I enlisted. 9 years, and two kids later we are doing great. The military will ALWAYS take care of your family. Health insurance, and Lodging or Basic Allowance for Housing are a huge deal. That is a big reason why I am still in today. Just make sure your wife/kids understand you will be gone off long periods of time. If you do the math, typically it will pay off. Good luck with your decision!

Response by LCpl Willie Ward Jr. made Dec 6 at 2018 3:05 PM

LCpl Willie Ward Jr. — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 15:05:29 -0500

Go for it!!Theres a lot of great opportunities in the military!

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 25 at 2018 4:39 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 25 Dec 2018 04:39:50 -0500

My daughter is 8. I would suggest that if you have a good support system, go for it but just understand that you will sacrifice time that you get to spend with your kids. I've only been in the national guard since May and I've already spent a month away for training and another 2 weeks away due to a hurricane relief effort. My daughter and I are quite close so that was painful for both of us. However, I never had to worry about her well being because her mom and I are proficient co-parents and she was able to pick up my slack while I was gone, even facilitating communication between us regularly. Just food for thought.