What should you avoid doing when talking with a veteran in crisis?

RallyPoint News — Tue, 25 Jun 2019 18:48:10 -0400

DON’T:
- Interrupt them to tell them about the time something similar happened to you; hear them out.
- Shame or guilt-trip the veteran; they may already be feeling a lot of shame and guilt.
- Say that suicide is “cowardly” or “selfish”.
- Make assumptions.
- Try to fix them.
- Fail to pay attention to the “coded language” of suicide.
- Go it alone: provide support and help them find the appropriate resources ( STRIVE2Be.org )
- Don’t wait to hear the word suicide, by then it might be too late.

Learn more about the National Center for Veterans Studies and the (non-medication) treatment for military personnel, veterans, and family members at no-cost for the following conditions: PTSD, suicidal thoughts, insomnia and nightmares, depression, anxiety, and chronic pain.

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made Jun 25 at 2019 7:00 PM

Lt Col Charlie Brown — Tue, 25 Jun 2019 19:00:13 -0400

Listen, care, and get help.

Response by SSgt Richard Kensinger made Jun 29 at 2019 12:37 PM

SSgt Richard Kensinger — Sat, 29 Jun 2019 12:37:43 -0400

As a clinical psychologist and a former ER medic, I deeply respect my comrades. I thank them sincerely for serving and protecting us. Based on my own research their trauma is so understandable under the extreme conditions of recurrent combat. I have several published articles in this regard.If anyone is interested, contact me " [login to see] ".
such a pertinent, life-saving topic!
Rich

Response by SGT James Murphy made Jul 3 at 2019 1:53 PM

SGT James Murphy — Wed, 03 Jul 2019 13:53:50 -0400

1. is Listen

Response by PV2 Duane Schlender made Jul 10 at 2019 2:12 PM

PV2 Duane Schlender — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 14:12:06 -0400

let me see... here is what I have been told over the last 19 years :
1) you are too young to have these problems
2) you are making this up
3) you only say this because you want money
4) your problems are causing me to lose money
5) no, I'm not going to listen to you're problems, pick a pill and take them
6) its all in your head, stop wasting my time
7) stop lying
8) stop wasting our time and let veterans with real problems get help
9) you don't need help, or therapy. You need to stop being a lazy waste of space and grow up
10) go take yoga, its your entire purpose for being alive
11) go get a job digging ditches and be useful

Because I was refused help while in crysis, I drove a car into a wall and killed someone effectively gaining myself a prison sentence, and my mental health was used against me both during trial and my 75 months in prison. Furthermore, I can not get work now as a result of my record. The V.A. will not help me properly. I still after 19 years do not have a PROPER mental heath diagnosis, treatment plan, or anything else. I have a criminal record I do not deserve. AND a LOT more.

Do not treat veteran's in this country as I have been treated. I am fully DONE with this life and want it to end because of the hell I have been through. Is that any way to treat a veteran regardless of how long, short, combative, skilled, or otherwise their military experiences were? I think not.

Treat veteran's with the honor and respect with which they served this country, don't sweep them under the carpet, and certainly do not ignore them or tell them ANY of the things I listed above. It is shameful that this country allows ANY veteran to suffer after the shit they go through in military service. It is shameful that ANY person in general should EVER be treated as I listed above.

This is the land of the free, land of the brave. NOT the land of the terrorist money first tyrannical I don't give a damn about you unless you get me positive press, promotion, or money.

This country needs to dig deep and remember what balance, morals, integrity, and good will toward humanity is. Nuff Said.

De Oppresso Liber
Mission first, people always

Response by SSG Jack Jurgensen made Jul 11 at 2019 5:58 AM

SSG Jack Jurgensen — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 05:58:53 -0400

I'm sorry but theit missing key elements. Most don't understand what's it like to be in responsible for millions in equipments and then going to one boring ass job day after day. Responsible for punching in and out... like a robot - and than getting replaced by robots. Screw that.

Response by SGT James Murphy made Jul 13 at 2019 3:41 PM

SGT James Murphy — Sat, 13 Jul 2019 15:41:29 -0400

https://cutwi.com/vets.html

U.S. Veterans Resource Page

Veterans have played important roles in the history of this country. Even with their patriotic and courageous service, there seems to be an information gap about the support and resources that are available to them when they’re attempting to purchase their own home. The Wisconsin Black Robed Regiment will intentionally build coalitions with leaders from every ethnicity and denomination. It will not teach doctrine but the historical and...

Response by SGT Michael Manley made Jul 13 at 2019 5:54 PM

SGT Michael Manley — Sat, 13 Jul 2019 17:54:52 -0400

I have been declared a totally and permanently disabled veteran. And unemployable. I have a master's degree and I have had six federal jobs but now the Fed's will not hire me. I am very depressed and am on several depression drugs. Im losing hope daily and I know my mind and body are just being wasted.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 13 at 2019 11:08 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 13 Jul 2019 23:08:19 -0400

There's so many possible different contexts that this question pretty much merits a novel.
Define "crisis."

Are you downrange and his girlfriend just dumped him, and a parent cleaned out his checking account, and his best friend from high school just committed suicide?

Are you stateside and he feels like he's stuck in a dead-end position in a shitty unit with toxic leadership, and there's no way for him to provide for his family if he ETSs?

Are you sitting in a hospital with him while the doctor tries to talk him into voluntarily going to mental health for 72 hours because he came home from Afghanistan with PTSD and his wife divorced him and he ETSd and he hasn't been able to hold down a job until recently, and he's afraid if he goes to mental health he's going to get fired?

Are you in the office with a complete stranger who's just broken down and told you that he doesn't know what to do about his problems and he feels like his life is completely out of control?

I've dealt with every one of these situations, and it scared the hell out of me every time.

A few things I've learned:
1) Be there for them. Keep them talking. Let them get everything out of their system. Sometimes we are so full of emotions and just don't understand them, and talking it out can have a cathartic effect. Listening won't solve problems, but listening can have a great effect of helping us sort out WHY we're feeling the way we're feeling.
2) Express some sympathy, even if you don't understand what they're going through. And NEVER try to tell someone in crisis that you know what they're going through if you haven't been through it yourself! Frankly admit that you don't know. "Man, I'm sorry. I've never been through that. That must be so hard. How did that happen?" is a great thing to say, because it tells them you're there for them even if you don't know what they're going through, and it can help keep them talking.
3) Accept that you're going to be there a while. Don't try to end the conversation or be looking at your watch. Other things can go on the back burner. My wife knows that if I'm late, I'm usually talking to a soldier or trying to solve a problem. When I can, I'll ask if I can send a text and tell her that I'm going to be a while.
4) After they've explained the situation, ask what they've tried to do to resolve it with an open-ended question (unless they've just had a traumatic event happen to them). "What did you do then?"
5) People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care, and that takes time. I've had the best results when people, on their own, realize that they've been talking to me for a long time (sometimes it's been 30 minutes or an hour or two; or a few hours over the course of a couple of days). At that point, they've probably worn through the emotional energy and usually are open to getting some help. "You know, I don't know how to fix that problem, but I know a guy who's been through that / has some resources to deal with that. Would you like to go with me to see him/her? I want to make sure that you get what you need so that your problems are taken care of."
6) Check in with them often to see how they're doing. Don't ask them about specific problems, but just pop your head in their door and ask how they are. The next day is best, then every couple of days after that if you can. Sometimes people just need to know that somebody gives a shit that they're still breathing.

All in all, it's exhausting, and time consuming, and terrifying and if you're any good at it you're probably going to start giving off a vibe that says "come tell me about your crisis when I'm already overwhelmed with my own problems, or just call me up at 1:00 in the morning and tell me about it then," LOL. But just be there for people.

Response by SPC Byron Skinner made Jul 15 at 2019 12:55 AM

SPC Byron Skinner — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 00:55:21 -0400

Sp4 Byron Skinner..The above is all wrong..the first this you do is disarm him or here, bun knife, razor, pills rope cord etc. You are a soldier you know how to kill people practice the reverse procedure….after that tray and stay with him or here until competent medical attention come to the scene.all the above will just give you s dead body…the worst thing you can do is for some that has the means and the ability to take their own life is try and be a suicide prevention Doctor, stay with them and keep their hands in sight, the may try and kill you too.

Response by CPL Steve Freeman made Jul 16 at 2019 5:33 PM

CPL Steve Freeman — Tue, 16 Jul 2019 17:33:28 -0400

Well you should always tell them to hurry up and unfuck themselves. It worked in basic training, right?

Response by SPC Brian Mason made Jul 21 at 2019 11:08 PM

SPC Brian Mason — Sun, 21 Jul 2019 23:08:12 -0400

Do NOT promise anything.
Do NOT say "Everything will be ok."
Do NOT give false hope.
It's not about you. While having gone through something similar can help, de-escalating the situation is key.
We have two ears and one mouth for a reason; listen more and better and speak more appropriately.
There are solutions to almost every problem. There is no immediate or long-term fix. There are and can be many steps to working through an issue.
In a crisis, there is usually nothing that can be done in the immediate moments.
What I've found that works:
Writing down and laying out the causes of the crisis. What, when, where, why.
Can that person affect any of them? If so, how?
It may take another person to see outside this person's own view of things, but laying out solutions, even minute ones can de-stress someone on a level. This isn't an immediate fix for things. It will most likely take several interactions over time to get things back to normal.