What to do if a soldier wants to take his girlfriend to an appointment scheduled right when work call starts?

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 13:45:44 -0400

- His girlfriend broke her leg last week and can't drive or walk up the stairs
I want to tell him make it to work on time because she is not his spouse. Is this the right thing to do?
I am his team leader

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 7 at 2020 1:50 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 13:50:31 -0400

His gf could eventually become his wife and putting a bad taste in her mouth about his leadership wouldn’t be great. If you take care of your Soldiers, they’ll take care of you (if that makes sense). I was in a similar situation when I was a squad leader and let him do what he needed. They got married and he was a great Soldier in the end so it works out.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 7 at 2020 1:57 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 13:57:03 -0400

Play your cards right and the rewards will be great, play them wrong and you lose trust.

She broke her leg dude, regardless if they are married or not, is 30-45 minutes going to hinder work that much?

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 7 at 2020 2:16 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 14:16:32 -0400

I try to look at every interaction as an opportunity to maintain good relationships that will keep good Soldiers around. If I provide the best leadership possible for my squad/section, only then can I expect the best possible effort from my squad/section.

Scenarios such as this are what can pile on and make good Soldiers want to separate. It will cost you very little to excuse him for an hour or two, and he likely knows that. Doing him this favor of letting his significant other keep the appointment will at least keep your leader-subordinate relationship on good terms, if not even improve the relationship and establish a rapport.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 7 at 2020 2:29 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 14:29:21 -0400

The concensus seems to be let him take the appointment. But i would say only as long as it doesn’t hinder any daily mission or anything like that. If its something that hinges solely on that one soldier and no one else can cover his position then sure call him in, but otherwise let the poor chap take his girl to the doctors.

Response by SPC Bradly Martin made Sep 7 at 2020 2:46 PM

SPC Bradly Martin — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 14:46:13 -0400

Take care of your joe man, all I’m gunna say.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Sep 7 at 2020 2:57 PM

SGM Erik Marquez — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 14:57:53 -0400

This is when good Soldiers get rewarded and all others get told to be at work on time.
If this is an SM that strives to do the best they can every day, every task.... Clear a room to sweep the sidewalk...On time every day, puts out at PT, offers to help a fellow SM finish a task, just because the task is not done. Stops and picks up the BII left unsecure by another crew and gives it back ...just because its the right thing to do....

You say yes, but understand its an exception....and you and her will need to figure out a way to make it work if she will need assistance every day...If you need help with that ask...

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Sep 7 at 2020 3:06 PM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 15:06:31 -0400

If it is not his spouse you could give him the option of taking a days leave. Girlfriends and boyfriends come and go. You are not even authorized to give him duty time for such activity. Not to mention what happens when the word gets out.

Response by SSG Brian G. made Sep 7 at 2020 3:29 PM

SSG Brian G. — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 15:29:30 -0400

There are two ways you can do this:
1) You be THAT guy. She is not his spouse, she is not his dependent. Army does not issue girlfriends. He has a place of duty to be at and a time to be there, period. You are within your rights and bounds as his team leader and NCO but...

2) You use command prerogative and make a decision. Things like this happen. You let it go and allow that he takes her to the appointment. You now are ~THAT~ guy that every junior enlisted looks up to and wants to be. You do however counsel him, vernally, that any future appointments need better scheduling. And that if he needs help to work around things, to come talk... communication, you just promoted and stressed it.

You lose one troop for what? An hour maybe two? You show that the Army is not a bunch of reg quoting robots and in the event she becomes his wife, you just won points towards "why should I stay in."

Response by LTC Kevin B. made Sep 7 at 2020 3:30 PM

LTC Kevin B. — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 15:30:23 -0400

One appointment? If the mission isn't going to fail, I'd let him take her (but I'd first clear it with the CoC, just to make sure you're covered). If this was to become a recurring theme, then it would require him taking leave and/or helping arrange other accommodations for her.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 7 at 2020 3:46 PM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 15:46:33 -0400

Let him bring her to the appointment. Take care of your Soldier.

Response by CSM Chuck Stafford made Sep 7 at 2020 6:47 PM

CSM Chuck Stafford — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 18:47:40 -0400

A challenge between the science and art of being a leader in this profession. Regulations (science) say you don't have to allow squat, but you know his soldier. Does your gut tell you he is a good kid who puts out when at work? This is an opportunity to reward a hardworking Soldier and show his peers that hard work pays off. There is a balance and the your gut (the art) can and will find it. Make a good decision for this soldier, your team , and the Army.

Response by CSM Michael Chavaree made Sep 7 at 2020 7:03 PM

CSM Michael Chavaree — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 19:03:08 -0400

Be a human

Response by SPC Andrew Murray made Sep 7 at 2020 7:37 PM

SPC Andrew Murray — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 19:37:09 -0400

Who is going to die if he takes her to the appointment? If the answer is nobody maybe you can deal with him not being there for a few hours.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 7 at 2020 7:50 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 19:50:26 -0400

I would say that if you allow your Soldier to assist his GF.....the payoff dividends in the long run could be immense. As long as they are not abusing this privilege. Run this by your Platoon leadership to get their input. But, as long as your Soldier and GF understand that this cannot happen every day.....as mission has to be taken care of.....the rewards coming could be huge.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Sep 7 at 2020 8:04 PM

SGM Bill Frazer — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 20:04:39 -0400

What as a TL you can't arrange a day off, or at least till say noon?

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 7 at 2020 9:55 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 21:55:20 -0400

As has already been said, take care of your dude.
The fact that you have to come on here to ask if you were right for telling him to let someone important to your soldier figure things out on their own when they had a bad break is a messed up thing. If I was a soldier under you reading this post, I'd know what you wanted to say regardless of what you end up doing, and know that you only did what you did because you were guilted into doing. Leaders take care of their dudes, and if my leader took an ass chewing because higher "leaders" wouldn't let me take care of someone I cared for, I'd work that much harder for him.

Response by SFC(P) Jonathan P. made Sep 7 at 2020 10:27 PM

SFC(P) Jonathan P. — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 22:27:42 -0400

I understand your position and also your concern about work and mission first. However, like many have posted here before me. YOU ARE AN NCO take care of your soldiers. Let him do what he needs to for his girlfriend. Think about it this way, what if it was you in his shoes! Would you want your leadership to help out? I have gone as far as helping my Joe family and parents move, which in return, I learned more about my guys and created a closer bond. Anyways the point is don’t be difficult for someone who is trying to do the right thing for their loved one. Support and help those soldiers. I promise you, in return, this person will respect you more and your leadership style.

Response by SSG Robert Perrotto made Sep 8 at 2020 9:17 AM

SSG Robert Perrotto — Tue, 08 Sep 2020 09:17:40 -0400

Honest opinion - If the Soldier is pretty squared away, as in - minimum issues, does his job with minimal micromanaging, always on time, etc etc - then yes, I would allow this, provided you clear it with your Squad Leader. As a team leader, You do have some leeway when it comes to Soldier Issues, but always cover yourself by informing your Squad Leader, This way he/she can buffer any issues that may arise with the PSG or 1SG.

If I may ask for some clarification - Why is your initial feeling to tell this Soldier to come to work on time? Is there more to this then just a Soldier asking for some time to take care of someone they care about?

My second question is: Why are you asking here, instead of your Squad Leader or PSG? They too, should know the Soldier in question, and can give much better advice, due to knowing the Soldier, and you. This seems like a perfect opportunity for some personal NCO development.

And Last, Do not make the same mistakes I made as a young SGT. I too ran things by the book, at the cost of the trust of my Soldiers, which in turn, caused them to do the bare minimal in order to get a task done, which in turn reflected on my NCOER's. It took a good bit for me to learn that lesson.

Response by SSgt Christophe Murphy made Sep 8 at 2020 11:09 AM

SSgt Christophe Murphy — Tue, 08 Sep 2020 11:09:54 -0400

Life happens. I would work with the Solider to find a realistic resolution. Not everything is binary or black/white. You might need to think outside the box and help the kid out. Give it the sniff test but from this perspective it seems the SM is trying to do the right thing.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 8 at 2020 6:07 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 08 Sep 2020 18:07:12 -0400

Wow - what is going on that is so important he needs to be there at work call? It doesn't really matter if that's not their spouse. It could be eventually. So someone's significant other only counts if they got a piece of paper from the government?

In my last section, if my soldiers' significant others needed a ride to the hospital or an appointment and the soldier was the only one who could do it, I let them go. I definitely would have let them take them for a broken leg appointment. In the last year, all their girlfriends are now their wives.

I think you can allow him to be in a little late. I doubt there's anything so pressing he can't take her to an appointment after she broke her leg.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 8 at 2020 8:20 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 08 Sep 2020 20:20:06 -0400

If I were in your shoes I'd look at 3 critical aspects to outcome. Is there anything SM absolutely need to be at during that time (i.e. SRP, Mandatory training, etc.), how long will he need to accompany her to the appointment, and is this a SM that isn't just trying to sham.

I tell peers, subordinates, and superiors you can get away with a lot if it briefs well. As his TL if you decide it's cool to green light his request, just make sure you can brief it well to the SL so he doesn't flip out on the SM and it turns into but mom said/ dad said.

Response by 1LT Voyle Smith made Sep 9 at 2020 8:53 AM

1LT Voyle Smith — Wed, 09 Sep 2020 08:53:32 -0400

Advise him to marry the lady. And do it quickly.

Response by TSgt James Potter made Sep 9 at 2020 12:23 PM

TSgt James Potter — Wed, 09 Sep 2020 12:23:24 -0400

If you look out for the troops, they will return the favor many times over.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 9 at 2020 2:45 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 09 Sep 2020 14:45:31 -0400

uuuughh... This is the wishy washy grey area juggling act that many NCOs have to deal with. I would let him arrive late to work an hour or so. But it can't be a common occurrence. If other soldiers realize this guy is getting regular time off for taking care of someone he isn't related to that this could get ugly real quick.

Response by CW3 Kevin Storm made Sep 9 at 2020 5:07 PM

CW3 Kevin Storm — Wed, 09 Sep 2020 17:07:46 -0400

I am, sitting on the fense, as this one can go south fast. Soldier B sees Soldier A take hsi girlfried to an appointment. Now Soldier B wants to do the same with his. I went in in 1982, and saw a lot of this "take wife to the appointment crap", and that is what I thought it was. When I was an E-6 section chief, I thought it was getting out of hand, checked with the Commander and the IG and it was okay to have them put in for leave, or make the time up, for a medical appointment. Now some of you may say that is going to far, but what about the rest of the squad, what about the single soldiers who have to work that day while soldier A is off at an appointment (Keep in mind the majority of my active career was at remote artillery detachments, so a trip to a doctor's office was an all day trip). I don't think this is always an easy thing, because every other soldier will remember this event and use it, if they have to, to get what they want.

Response by SGT Michael Lawler made Sep 10 at 2020 11:15 PM

SGT Michael Lawler — Thu, 10 Sep 2020 23:15:06 -0400

Reading the statement & your decision was for your team member to be present for duty was the correct call. Not because of her physical limitation, although some may object, but because this scenario must be clearly thought thru. First, medical appointments are part of the discharge instructions from a medical facility ie date, time, etc. If your team member did not provide this information to you after the discharge, he did not fulfill his commitment to you regarding his status. Girlfriends come & go, sad to say but true. His primary objective is to serve, you are not always privy to training schedules, & plans/alerts do change, even on a hourly basis. I could go on with various responses, but I digress. I served during a different era, the choices are still the same. Remember that because events such as this will come up more than you would like. Leadership is earned not given because you are one of the guys. There are always consequences for your actions - good or bad. ML, Sgt. "71-77".

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 11 at 2020 4:17 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 11 Sep 2020 16:17:51 -0400

Take care of soldiers, infantryman always look out for each other down range and back in garrison. I promise you, he'll never forget you looking out for him in this time of need and neither will his future wife.