What type of relationship do(did) you have with your parents?

2015-12-10T07:34:57-05:00

It never fails to interest me to see the different type of relationships children have with their parents. And this has sort of started to hit me more and more lately as my dad gets closer and closer to retiring in just a few weeks.

My dad has been a minister in the United Methodist Church since 1974. And after 42 years of service to several communities and thousands of church members, he has finally made the call to retire. I know it was not an easy decision but I know he and my mom are happy with his decision and now the family is getting all geared up for this huge milestone in my dad's life.

Last night, I reflected on the relationship I have with my parents as I started to draft my remarks that I'll deliver during my dad's retirement ceremony. Growing up as a PK (Preacher's Kid) was not easy. Sure, I did not have it as bad as some other people but this lifestyle still came with it's own challenges and difficulties. We may not have been the richest family, I may not have always had the name brand clothes and newest video game systems but my parents did give me every chance to be successful and to form my own personality. And do this day, my parents remain one of my largest supporters of everything I do for Veterans here in Pittsburgh and nationally.

But I sometimes look around and think is my relationship with my parents normal? I mean, it's normal for us. What I mean by this is that my parents are not my best friends, they are my parents. They are my father and mother who love me unconditionally but at the same time I do not nor do I want them to treat me like a best friend. I rely on them to be honest and blunt with me. I expect them to tell me if an idea I have is good or bad. I expect them to be mad if do something really dumb but happy when I succeed. I look around some of the other families I interact with when I have my two kids and this idea of child/parent relationship seems gone. I see parents trying to be their child's best friend on one extreme or their child's prison guard on the other end. Granted, I interact with and learn a lot from some amazing people being amazing parents in a very challenging world but it never fails that when you see one of these type of parents, 3 or 4 on the extremes enter.

So my question is, what sort of relationship do you have with your parents? There is no "right way" to parent. You need to do what is best for you. Sometimes, the best friend approach is what is best and therefore no judgement can be made even if it sounds like I'm being a little judgmental. Rather, I am just trying to gain some insight that will hopefully allow me to continue developing the relationship I have with my 10 year old son and 9 year old daughter.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 10 at 2015 8:20 AM

2015-12-10T08:20:50-05:00

Pretty darned good.

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 10 at 2015 8:53 AM

2015-12-10T08:53:52-05:00

well to be honest I do not have a great relationship with my father. I strongly dislike my step mother and she is the dominant personality in their relationship. so if I say anything to him about how I feel, she will follow up with a reprimand. because of that we have a very limited relationship, maybe a phone call once a month. and though I know it is a negative way to think, I hope that she dies first so that I can maybe change that dynamic later in life.

Response by SGT William Howell made Dec 10 at 2015 9:38 AM

2015-12-10T09:38:58-05:00

My dad and I had a strained relationship when I was younger. I left the house at 17 to join the Navy because I thought I knew it all. After I got out I wanted to come home and work for the family construction company. My dad looked me in the eye and said, "You have the opportunity to go to school and become somebody. I am not going to hire you." I thought he was the biggest jerk I had ever met. I went on to college and became a police officer, before going into the Guard and on to bigger and better things. My dad made me make some some hard decisions that I did not like. If he had not been hard I would have settled for a mediocre life in small town Ohio. I have been a Sailor, Soldier, Police Officer, Fireman, EMT, City Counsel Member, a Mercenary, a contractor, a Salesman, and now I manage over 200 people in corporate America. None of those things would have been possible if my father have not been looking out for me. I love my father more every day. When I have a hard decision to make I still pick up the phone and call him.

Response by PO1 Brian Austin made Dec 10 at 2015 10:38 AM

2015-12-10T10:38:01-05:00

Definitely not good with my father. My mother passed in 1975 due to Diabetes complications, i was 12 at the time. She was as very loving as a mother could be to me and my baby sister, despite being sick and in kidney failure. She took kidney dialysis at home. three times a week. We had a spare room set up for it, looked like a hospital room almost.

My father was a complete loser, alcoholic, didn't care. On weekends (and most weekdays) it was mainly beer, pool and golf for him. He was abusive to my mother verbally and occasionally physically. He showed no interest and never knew the names of my wife or children, despite our visits. He never tried calling or anything. It was always me who initiated everything. Finally things came to a head and we had no contact the last 12 yrs of his life. My children are too young to remember him, thankfully.

The best thing that could be said is that he inadvertently taught me what NOT to be and do when it comes to being a father and husband.

Ironically i got along much better with my step mother (they separated after 5 yrs) and still do.

Response by SSG Mark Metzler made Dec 10 at 2015 11:01 AM

2015-12-10T11:01:13-05:00

With my father it was good, my mother on the other hand, was absolutely terrible, she resented me & my connection to the service. She went as far as to attempt to ruin my career. She wanted all the control.

Response by LTC Stephen C. made Dec 10 at 2015 11:10 AM

2015-12-10T11:10:40-05:00

Could not have asked for better, SGT Ben Keen.

Response by SGT Joseph Schmalzel made Dec 10 at 2015 5:09 PM

2015-12-10T17:09:23-05:00

Nothing is more important in life than family. Just wish they would pick up the phone more often.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jun 13 at 2019 2:04 PM

2019-06-13T14:04:29-04:00

My tale is sad. I was abandoned at the age of two. I was adopted by a very loving family. However when my father died, my mother disowned me. I was abandoned by two mothers. :(