What was the first emotional growth experience you noticed after trauma?

2017-03-20T13:45:15-04:00

Those of you that have suffered from PTSD or currently working through PTSD, what was the first emotional growth experience you noticed after trauma? This was part of our last SAVL Group Support Meeting on SKYPE. Thanks for sharing for our veterans and service members suffering from PTSD.

Follow-on Questions:

How long did it take to see this first emotional growth?

Did others share in this experience or did you tell them about it?

Have you helped others with their post-traumatic growth? How?

Do your good experiences happen more and more often for you now?

Response by CPL Crystal Pettway, MBA made Mar 20 at 2017 1:46 PM

2017-03-20T13:46:56-04:00

Not really sure. Still growing. I just really started talking about my trauma this year.

Response by 1LT Vance Titus made Mar 20 at 2017 1:52 PM

2017-03-20T13:52:07-04:00

It was almost 40 years before I even recognized my PTSD. After I returned from Vietnam I just put it out of my mind and went on with life. I still have flashbacks.

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Mar 20 at 2017 2:00 PM

2017-03-20T14:00:03-04:00

Mine was anger, then feelings of loneliness. My wife helped me through a lot.

Response by SGT Ben Keen made Mar 20 at 2017 2:01 PM

2017-03-20T14:01:11-04:00

I think for me my first emotional growth came in the form of asking for help.

To realize that we cannot do everything ourselves and that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness is critical in any event. It took me about 2 years after getting out of the military to finally come to that stage in my life where I asked for help. I've tried to help others by sharing my story with them, by allowing them to share their stories with me and by opening myself to be there for them regardless of how others treated them. And I would say I'm happier now because of it all.

The events around what happened all those years ago still stay with me but I'm okay with that. Through the help I've received I've learned how to not only to live with the memories but how to thrive as well.

Response by LTC Stephen F. made Mar 20 at 2017 2:16 PM

2017-03-20T14:16:18-04:00

I am not sure about emotional experiences after PTSD but after a couple concussions and multiple other head injuries in and out of uniform, once my head cleared [hours to days] I remembered pain, confusion, pain and a general sense of relief that I was alive and not insane COL Mikel J. Burroughs

Response by SPC Saundra Teater made Mar 20 at 2017 2:35 PM

2017-03-20T14:35:47-04:00

A lot of hard questions. I think for me my first was admission and acceptance and acknowledgement of needing help. That was hard. I never knew just how hard that would be. And, for me, I had to acknowledge that I caused more harm because I couldn't admit what was wrong with me. I harmed my own daughter emotionally because of this. But after getting the help I needed, it was easier to help her get better from what I did. Part of recovery is accepting the damage you caused from hiding the damage. Coming out and admitting it so she could get better hurt more than when I did it for me. Luckily, because I did acknowledge my sins, we were both able to heal that bond I almost lost with her. And helping her to heal was healing me also.

And strangely enough, it helped when we encountered a bigger trauma. After working on our ptsd, my daughter was hit in a head on crash almost two years ago. She was in a coma for over a week. I watched her almost die in front of me. The injuries she had, they couldn't even give me odds on her surviving. But she did. And this just triggered our ptsd all over again. But, now, we understand it. We know what needs to be done and are doing it. We still have a long way to go, but we know we will come out survivors. And it has made both of us more willing to come out publicly to help others.

Response by LCpl Cody Collins made Mar 20 at 2017 2:36 PM

2017-03-20T14:36:06-04:00

Mine was the feeling of helplessness! Then sadness because I had to give up my Radio Talk show I had on Station WSSD in Chicago, my injury really did a number on me.

Response by SrA Leah Murchie made Mar 20 at 2017 2:39 PM

2017-03-20T14:39:26-04:00

The first time I saw growth is when I went in ptsd treatment for 30 days at Emerald Coast in Panama City FL. I was surrounded by other military that had it too it validated me and talking to each other helping each other through it I have several people from there that are still my friends it was very bonding sharing our strengths admitting our weaknesses. Understanding what PTSD is and how it happens how to manage it and learn triggers and coping mechanisms. Grounding. Mindfulness. I still struggle and it's up and down but I am growing and seeing value in my self where before I felt completely worthless and a waste of oxygen. I am able to help others I can see it and talk to them and verify them and show them they are not alone. I know what it's like to have people around and feel absolutely alone and misunderstood or just shut people out. I still have break downs but I have support and understanding also. The greatest healer is helping other with it heal, cope, and feel validated as well as cared about.

Response by PO1 Kevin Arnold made Mar 20 at 2017 2:55 PM

2017-03-20T14:55:08-04:00

I don't think about what I had experienced during my service in the military. I try to focus on the good parts not on the traumatic parts. Yes the trauma stands out more but I always take a deep breath and thank God. Yes I thank God for protecting me and those that served with me. I did experience some near death events but I try not to have them control my future.

Response by SGT Michael Thorin made Mar 20 at 2017 3:50 PM

2017-03-20T15:50:29-04:00

It took some time for me. I got home at the end of 2006 and went straight back into my civilian job. I did not address or even seek to acknowledge it was when my medical problems hit in 2014. I had no desire to be diagnosed with it, and definitely had no desire to talk to my family about needing to be seen for it.

I firmly believe that the first sign of true growth after the event was acknowledging that I needed help.

Like an alcoholic never truly grows until they admit there is a problem, I believe we are trapped in a stagnant state until we finally admit we ourselves have a problem as well.

I had a friend stop by to visit me in the hospital last week. We are working together to get him in the VA healthcare system and get his benefits to him. He was in tears as we were discussing the medical and psychological issues he was facing.

We spend so many years in the military training our bodies to yield to our minds. We tell ourselves that when our body says "no", you can will it to comply.

Ruck marches with blisters and blood, one MRE for the entire day, 1 hour of sleep and having to pull security: we learn that our bodies are simply extensions of our brains, and that physical pain, while not comfortable, is also not an adequate excuse to become "ineffective."

So what happens when it is your mind that becomes "injured?" What survival skills do we have to fall back on?

Strictly for the sake of brevity and not as a "gender specific" term, I am going to use the term man/woman interchangeably from here on out, so ladies please understand that the following refers to us all.

Our "manhood" (or "womanhood") tells us that physical and psychological pain is no excuse for mission failure. It's that indominatable spirit the military drives into us. We are told that if you do not make it, you simply do not want it badly enough.

We spend so much time trying to prove our mettle as men that we train ourselves to believe that the inability to handle everything is mission failure.

Think about this, part or all of your military service (especially in combat arms) will be determined by one of two simple comments:

"Go" or "No Go".

There is nothing in between. Those two phrases are, by nature, completely inflexible and non-yielding to interpretation. You either "can" (go) or you "can't" (no go).

It's no wonder the suicide rate for veterans is so high because we so often sum up our lives as soldiers in one of two ways, "go" or "no go."

I hope you see my point.

We are not told that 75% effective is good enough. Your unit can fall below your "troop strength", but every man better be able to function at 110%!

Sadly, this is unavoidable. How do you keep troops ready for combat and the trauma they will see while simultaneously preparing them to accept that their minds can't always "fix" everything? That just because you tell yourself you should be fine doesn't mean you don't need help?

Those are the tough questions. When we leave the service, many of us do not drop the "go, no go" mentality, and when we can't simply fit our lives into a "go, no go" category, we have become failures.

I believe this is the most haunting thought process that veterans with PTSD suffer, and why the suicide rate for our sample population is so high: we train ourselves in "all or nothing," so we begin to think of ourselves as "all or nothing."

My friends biggest problem now? He has to learn that just because he is no longer "all" does not mean he is now "nothing."

What's the fix? I don't know, I don't hold a degree. But I do know that my first step toward growth after experiencing trauma was in recognizing that there were things that I could not fit into the category of GO and NO GO.

After that, it's simply about realizing that your worth outside of the military will always be more than the NO GO we were so used to hearing.

While there is breath in you, YOU ARE ALWAYS MISSION EFFECTIVE!

Response by SSgt Zac Ruttman made Mar 20 at 2017 4:34 PM

2017-03-20T16:34:14-04:00

I remember being seated in a centrally-located table at a restaurant. My SA was off the charts! I was freaking out (on the inside). Then, all of the sudden, I had this overwhelming thought of just letting it all go. And I did...somehow. It was an incredible feeling! Still struggle. But that was the first breakthrough.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 20 at 2017 5:20 PM

2017-03-20T17:20:55-04:00

Well I've never gone in to get tested for PTSD. I'm afraid to get experimented on by the VA. I've seen the damage they have done to my sister and other fellow soldiers. I don't know if I've grown, but I implement a lot of things taken from the military. Trust no one, question everything and keep moving forward. We discovered a long time ago the world was round. So if I fall, it's because I wasn't watching where I was walking. :)
And I think finding the reason to keep going is important as well. My kids gave that to me. Though I feel like I want to run away half the time... lol... giving up has never been something I was good at.

Response by CPL Beth Allsop made Mar 20 at 2017 5:48 PM

2017-03-20T17:48:21-04:00

My first step was admitting thatI needed help, that was huge! after that and a really life changing prescription I got the first night of more than 3 hours sleep in 4 years. Now every day I just try to cope with the loss of memory for words and recent events. It's challenging to to find new ways to organize your day when it all used to be so easy!

Response by 1stSgt Eugene Harless made Mar 20 at 2017 6:04 PM

2017-03-20T18:04:21-04:00

I went through, and am still going through accepting what physically happened to me. My trauma although connected to my service disability, happened 11 years after my retirement. It's always a balance of accepting and adapting to limitations without giving up on rehabilitation.

Response by COL Charles Williams made Mar 21 at 2017 12:19 AM

2017-03-21T00:19:30-04:00

COL Mikel J. Burroughs I have dealt with this alone... for the most part.

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Mar 21 at 2017 1:42 AM

2017-03-21T01:42:35-04:00

When I was turned inwards, all you do is keep swirling down the toilet. So growth couldn't happen until I turned outwards. Other things to think about. Other things to enjoy or rediscover the enjoyment in stuff you used to do. The Give-A-Shit-Ometer needle moves up a few pegs. At some point, you understand much more about how you can control your feelings vs. having the world dictate them. And at some point you call yourself a Dumb A for taking 14 years to open up about it to your wife; the one person on earth you've given your soul to. It's a process that runs at different speeds. Never forget to pay attention every day to focusing outward. That helps keep the Dragon in its cage.
Oh yes, her response? "I knew something happened but knew you'd tell me when the time was right." She never spoke about it again.

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Mar 21 at 2017 2:09 AM

2017-03-21T02:09:19-04:00

I just grit my teeth and did what was in front of me to do. Focusing on helping others and on my work was enough to keep me going. Eventually the rest corrected itself or faded into the past. Eventually I was able to think about things without breaking down emotionally, but I don't know if that was emotional growth or just emotional fatigue.

I got married 38 years later and that helped a lot too. Never got into self-medicating, which was probably the greatest help in the long run.

Response by SFC William Stephens A. Jr., 3 MSM, JSCM made Mar 21 at 2017 11:04 AM

2017-03-21T11:04:46-04:00

I think when you spend time in a WTU and the VA/ARMY keeps you for a year as an patient dealing with PTSD and or problems away from your friends and family and your career you quickly start to see the light, It took each us different times during our rehabilitation to open up to each other in our 12 person group. When we all finally opened up we under stood that this was something that is just not a message from the battle field. I deal with my PTSD everyday and will deal with for the rest of my life because I'm separated from my family because I don't believe that I should be treat as a patient anymore. Its lonely world but life is not sitting on the shelve either. Some people have this worst then others and some people won't open up to others and express to the world that they have it, like a good friend said to me. 22 minute.

STEPHENS

Response by PO3 John Wagner made Mar 21 at 2017 7:54 PM

2017-03-21T19:54:07-04:00

The first step is finding out that you have it... unfortunately it's not like a blood test result.
Then you need to understand how it is affecting your life.
Then you can start to learn about it.
Now finally, once you realize it's a condition.. a treatable condition..not a defect of character or omething willfully wrong with you.
Then and only then willl you seek help.
It is very much like alcoholism. You have to hit bottom... Trouble is unless you are very lucky, that bottom will be hard and rocky and you will almost surely be dragged along it struggling vainly for handholds that aren't there... or grabbing onto false solutions which drag you down even farther.
Drugs, alchohol, unhealthy relationships.
PTSD is a lot like high blood pressure that way.. a silent killer, because it is often unrecognized by the sufferer.. or those who suffer with them, until it is too late.
It is never too late.. it might feel like it. I have felt like it far too many times...to the point where I tried to make it too late. Fortunately that wasn't what fate had in the cards.
Perhaps just being here to type this in was what was in the cards.. don't fold your hand before the game is over.

Response by SPC Douglas Bolton made Mar 21 at 2017 8:02 PM

2017-03-21T20:02:40-04:00

As you know COL Mikel J. Burroughs I have been interviewing soldiers from all over this great nation of ours. I talked to a WWII veteran from Georgia about his PTSD, and he promptly corrected me by saying, "Back in my day they called it Shell Shock." However, he still realized that PTSD is real, and he still lives with it daily even after all those years. We forget that there are still many veterans who have been through the nightmare of WWII. Their experiences are pretty intense, and have caused many to succumb to the daily trudging, and they have purposely checked out of the hotel called earth. M heart cries out to them.

Response by CPT Jeff Harrod made Mar 21 at 2017 8:12 PM

2017-03-21T20:12:07-04:00

The first step was admitting I needed help. It took me 26 years to finally reach that point. I had tried all kinds of medications, too many to list, and finally turned to the bottle to help me cope with everyday life. That obviously led to rock bottom. Divorce, unemployment, loss of my children.

The VA actually helped me and did no harm. I had/have a wonderful counselor who suffers the same as I do. He lead me through Cognitive Processing Therapy and through rehab.

9 1/2 months later, I am still clean and using the techniques he taught me to combat the PTSD. My children still won't speak to me and that weighs heavier on my mind each and every day.

Just living life on life's terms now.

Response by SGT Stephen Tucker made Mar 21 at 2017 8:46 PM

2017-03-21T20:46:22-04:00

First for a long time I was unwilling to seek help I thought it meant weakness. Then when I did my first attempts were unsuccessful I did not have the right people and it was not pretty. I was in a very dark place. There was no light and no hope. I was so close to becoming one of the 22 a day. I moved where I was living from to a new area and got very lucky. I found the right people I needed and that worked for me. The right VA Psychiatrists and right therapist who care very deeply about what they do. They also specialize in PTSD from combat. I say they saved my life. They save I saved my own. I have had them for the last four and half years. My entire life changed very slowly. After lots of time and effort on both my teams part and mine own. I bask in the light again daily. Its like being the old me again. Life has become worth living again. Its not an over night fix for sure. It took about 3 years for me to see my own progress. The key I found to all of this is I wanted to get better I was so tired of being so angry and hopeless. I just needed help to get back to the old me. My session went from 3 times a week to now once a month just to check in. Just know there is hope out there!! Its so easy to loose your way. Its so hard to find the path again. Just know it can happen. Please never stop trying if something does not work try something else. Find what works for you!! Find your sunlight again.

Response by SGT Ej P. made Mar 21 at 2017 9:59 PM

2017-03-21T21:59:08-04:00

I just want to share that In my experience, the awareness that has been put forth on our part (Military) has helped me to not be ashamed or scared to get help when I experienced my first "attack"

Response by SGT Eric Knutson made Mar 21 at 2017 11:21 PM

2017-03-21T23:21:36-04:00

Well, for me, like some others here that I have read, I still don't do well in large groups of people unless they happen to be other Vets, I still do not trust anyone that I have not personally known for long periods of time (usually after knowing them I find a reason not to trust them anyway) and this is with the exception of my fiancee'. When I was in, we just didn't talk about it very much, just moved on to the next mission / objective so it got buried. My last ex-wife and step mother hounded me in to get checked many years ago, and I was told that while I do have the PTSD, she recommended no action because I "handled it very well" all because I had found that the X-Box games I played (first person shooter of course) let me vent my steam at all the people I had encountered that I wanted to damage physically. so I was no danger and therefore not in need of treatment of any kind. BEFORE anyone starts hollering, I have a new appointment this month and the DAV is standing by my side along with a very loving woman who wants to be my rock to lean on, so I think I will be ok

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 22 at 2017 1:48 AM

2017-03-22T01:48:52-04:00

I returned from Iraq at the end of December 2016 around the time the people who helped us clear our gear and medical tests, etc., were ready to go on their four day Christmas vacation. Everything was hurried to get us completed so they could take off. There was no talk about what we'd experience upon returning to civilian life for us Reservists and Active Duty Soldiers.

Upon returning home there was celebration and of course my closest friends and family were reveling at my return. I, on the other hand, immediately had problems relaxing and taking it easy, I was "on" all the time. I had anger issues, or so my wife says. She says I still do, ten years after I returned.

On about my second year after returning, my wife gave me an ultimatum, "get help, or I'm leaving". I didn't know anything about PTSD, didn't know I had it. I went to a military doctor at my reserve unit complaining of back pain, which I did have, and to talk with him about what I was feeling. It was then, he explained the PTSD effects it could have on people. It was then I was diagnosed with PTSD.

I had appointments made at the VA in Lynchburg, VA. I did go to counseling for two years and I did learn what my triggers were and how to avoid situations which would put me in a position where a trigger existed. I avoid these situations at all possible costs.

I still have situations that crop up from time to time, such as burning trash, or a flight of military aircraft flying overhead while I'm at work. Most of the time, the things that caused problems in my marriage have passed, however dreams and certain memories still bother me. I try to repress them, but I really have no control over them.

In my three years of counseling, I was able to share my experiences with others in group sessions, and I have no idea whether they helped or were ignored; but at least I tried. I will say this though at one point I was so depressed I'd considered suicide.

I was at a very low point, and felt there was no getting back to normal. I had mentioned in an email to a Soldier in my unit what I was planning. I came very close to doing it, but I was stopped before I could do myself in. Thanks to my First Sergeant, I am here today.

Every day since, I find ways to help myself, and anyone else suffering from PTSD and anyone considering suicide.

Even though sometimes I struggle, I know I can succeed by keeping a good attitude. I do the best I can.

Response by Cpl Mark A. Morris made Mar 22 at 2017 10:19 AM

2017-03-22T10:19:59-04:00

My emotional growth was dark and overnight. I noticed, I worked out harder and became very comfortable in low light and night time patrols.
This followed me everywhere and I enjoyed it. Believing, I would find evil/bad men eventually somewhere in the least traveled areas. It never occurred to me it was not normal to go on 3/4 moons and full moons to look for those planning harm.
It would still be happening. But, I was interviewed for a ultrasound position. Their questions take a person to their deepest and harmful memories.
I was disappointed when I found out I had a major issue. The desire to square away my gear and prepare for patrol came to almost a halt. This bothered me greatly.
M. Morris RVT

Response by CPL Eric Escasio made Mar 24 at 2017 1:09 PM

2017-03-24T13:09:31-04:00

The positive growth started in 2012 almost just 4 years after being diagnosed with PTSD, after I myself started to realize that I was living in bad times. sometimes you could only do so much as to how far your control reach is. You cannot try to make sense when people have the stigma on PTSD , especially if your dealing with non professionals and ignorant people who are pretty much judgmental too. Thus I grew agoraphobia (fear of going outside the safety of my house) and I limited my public exposure. I gave up trips to book stores even food shopping. Took years and sometimes in spurts the feeling of "not going out isn't a good idea", until today lingers but less. After I left the state (CA) just 8 months ago where I got stuck at while I was battling unemployment and healing my body at the same time just last year. I just got back in the VA healthcare system just this year here in Nevada to continue my healing and started getting appointments now for my other ensuing health issues. So far my luck has changed and I have been getting good doctors who are really trying to figure out from scratch again. I asked help before but I guess I was asking the wrong people for help before but now I am going to my VA appointments and looking forward to my next meeting with my Primary Care giver and PTSD doctors. More and more positive things have been happening to me lately after I have categorized myself on my health issues on which one to focus and cure first before I move on fixing other things and I want a clear understanding too as to what kind of treatment Ill be getting especially medications I am being prescribed I look into it. In the past I was pickled with a bunch that wasn't even supposedly be given because it gave me serotonin syndrome. Which was very bad plus what ever bad experience I had living in a hostile environment back in CA was a struggle that I would say 10 times harder than a deployment for 18 months. Id take 10 deployments anytime but not to live where I used to live at. But I still smile because I made it out.

Response by SSgt Jim Gilmore made Mar 26 at 2017 12:50 AM

2017-03-26T00:50:11-04:00

I survived!

Response by SFC Don Vance made Mar 27 at 2017 9:14 AM

2017-03-27T09:14:14-04:00

I drank daily for 15 years just to be able to sleep without nightmares. In October 2008 I finally admitted that I was alcoholic and had PTSD. By the Grace of God and a 12 Step Program I am now recovered from my alcoholism. I still have issues with crowds and certain other situations that I avoid but I don't have a lot of limitations on what I do. I have found that the best things for warriors of all branches to do when transitioning back to civilian life or dealing with PTSD is to avoid alcohol/drugs, get connected to other service members in your area, and find a new mission/purpose in life.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 11 at 2017 10:25 AM

2017-04-11T10:25:41-04:00

feeling sad while watching movies at the appropriate time and after watching other movies feeling the wonder of what happens to the characters next. Took about three years after a certain deployment and it was something that happened on its own without anyone or talking about things. I did not know I had PTSD or anything nor did I get tested for it.

It was something I did not realize but I had stopped truly feeling, everything was analytical and black and white and it had become natural to just do and not question my position when it called for less family time, broken promises and long nights.... I just executed. But after two and a half years of not being deployed back to back it hit me one day when I was watching a movie alone just drinking a beer and a sad part came one and I actually got sad, it had to do with a kid missing his father (go figure) and since then my emotions have slowly been re regulating themselves. I have developed and been diagnosed with OCPD and that's something I'm working on now but the emotions have been on the right track but not 100 yet.

Response by SSG John Karr made May 2 at 2017 12:12 PM

2017-05-02T12:12:29-04:00

Geez I could write a book about the VA! After I got back from Iraq I started noticing symptoms and went to the VA outpatient clinic and spoke with with a counselor there. He directed me to the psych clinic down the street who thought it was hilarious that I was not in the computer. Needless to say I did not call them again. PTSD for me is like this... "you have good days and bad days." God help you on the bad days.
I've had many (not all, but many) bad experiences with the VA:

1. Kept appointments but never got treatment because they said the doctor did not have the right software on his computer then told me I missed the appointment
2. Was prescribed meds and did not get them for 3 months and was billed twice for them plus a late fee
3. I got a letter changing my primary care nurse practitioner to a doctor and my appointments would not change... a week later I got a letter canceling my appointment. The list goes on.

Dealing with the VA is extremely frustrating and if anything they can actually make your PTSD episodes worse. I can't say that I've had any emotional "growth" but I have learned to cope with it. I can say that if you talk with others who have PTSD it is like a pressure relief valve, talking with others who do not have PTSD is a waste of time as they have no clue what you are talking about.

Response by SGT Andrew Anderson made May 5 at 2017 9:58 AM

2017-05-05T09:58:58-04:00

Actually, it took 53 years to admit to myself that I had some issues. I think my first experience of emotional growth came after sharing that admission to someone other than myself. I started seeing a therapist and was eventually diagnosed with cumulative PTSD, the first experience of trauma going back to childhood and then while on active duty I was stabbed by a fellow soldier. These two events set the stage for everything else that followed, the worst being the death of a Vietnamese child who was crushed to death while trying to climb onto the back of a 2 1/2 ton truck i was riding in. I jumped off and held him and watched him die, there was nothing that could be done to save him, he bled out. He was only about 6 or 7 and it was something that I could not get out of my head for years. Those things, in addition to the daily experience of Vietnam, all contributed to the diagnosis of PTSD. So to make a long story short, the only way I found that helped was to share those experiences with others. No matter what you think about will think of you, remember you and your mental wellbeing are more important than any embarrassment you may feel by admitting you need help and in coming to grips with the issues are that have controlled your life for so many years.

Response by MAJ Raúl Rovira made Jun 8 at 2017 1:30 AM

2017-06-08T01:30:55-04:00

I did not get PTSD, although I have MTBI and was paralyzed waist down for about 30 minutes in Afghanistan. While paralyzed, around 10-15 minutes into it, I told myself I would figure out a way to (1) Dance with my wife, (2) walk my daughter when she marries, (3) and go camping with my son.

A few month later as WTB cadre, back then, and going through a 27-month long medical board, I used the opportunity to connect with soldiers, hear their story, and casually share mine. They were surprised to hear of a MAJ in a medical board. Yes, no one is immune to injuries and illness, but we can recover. Victory start in our minds.

I did beat the Med Board and retired a few years later.

I call this experience, my greatest battle.

Response by SGT James (Jimmy) Crone made Jun 8 at 2017 9:46 AM

2017-06-08T09:46:23-04:00

Well I'll be honest I did a little research on the topic of PTSD and found that it was not just a combat disorder but soldiers that left the military who didn't have family or friends to adjust to civilian life, I was one of those I spent 10 years in the Army and after getting out my family and friends weren't there for help or comfort. After 10 years of having my brothers in arms there to talk to them to have no-one i ended up homeless for a time and was afraid to use the VA. Slot of times wished i had someone to talk to or help when i needed it i think the only time i found comfort was when i was called to help take care of my parents who at the time were very sick. Now i live with my best and close friends with out them i would still be homeless. I still need a little help with my irritability from time to time but with out them I would be homeless.

Response by SSG Eduardo Ybarra Jr. MS Psyc made Jun 8 at 2017 12:13 PM

2017-06-08T12:13:18-04:00

Emotional growth?, I didn't realize at the time, that I had changed early on in my military career, due to one of the deployments that I had went on in the early 90's or mid 90's. However, in our MOS this was a common occurrence and we all just melded together. There were normally a few who did and acted in the same fashion. I think for me, when I retired and was introduced into the civilian world, my same thought process had to change, but I didn't know how to do this. So, for about 2-3 years I was in pretty bad shape. It wasn't until one of my brothers whom I served with joined the club of 22 it was where I told myself something had to be changed or I too may join that group. Talked to several different providers, who in my opinion, gave me nonsense answers to pacify my questions. It was then where I began my quest to discover why is it that those who have served are different? What about us makes us operate (think and behave) the way we do? Are there different types and degrees of this condition? I wasn't getting answers from people who were so supposed to be experts in this field, so I went back to school in order to find out for myself and other Veterans who are searching for the same answers.
I don't know if this would be considered emotional growth but I do know this is a quest for self discovery. But this quest is not just for me, it is also for that Soldier, Airman, Sailor and Marine who have been asking the same questions for so long and have been given the same nonsense answers I was.

Response by PO3 John Wagner made Jun 10 at 2017 1:58 PM

2017-06-10T13:58:28-04:00

1. Forever.
2.I may have shared it however, I soon learned not to. The changes are very tenuous and come more in the form of temporary personal epiphanies. Extremely difficult to hold onto.
3. Sure I help others, and I suppose to an extent it helps me, but I must never expect to see any long term results or to get even a pat on the back.
4. Good experiences happen more and more often. PTSD seems to have most of the same symptoms as Adult Children of Alchoholics have. We don't learn emotional responses and maturity in the same fashion as others. We learn "rules" and responses for each particular situation.
We read others emotional weather. Synthesis and the ability to extrapolate various positive experiences into a model for living is incredibly difficult. Getting away from simply using a learned response to a given situation is an incredibly lengthy process. We tend to jump right back into survival mode... regardless of the negative impacts it has on others and our own esteem..when confronted with a distressing situation that we don't have memorized step by step to a proper and positive solution. When this happens we feel as if we have started over at or below ground zero.
Even when we are fortunate enough to find ourselves in employment situations where the boss understands and knows how to get his point across kindly and nonjudgmentally it is still difficult because that person must be able to apply the kindness and criticism in precisely the right measure.
If you find yourself working for someone like that just stay put.

Response by PO1 Theresa Aldrich made Jun 22 at 2017 5:54 PM

2017-06-22T17:54:54-04:00

Anger = Energy and Post Traumatic Growth

For me PTSD = Anger and Anger = Energy If I could channel the energy from my anger into something positive, contribute something to society, well then it was easier to channel the anger and release it.

I used this energy to create HadIt.com Veteran To Veteran and it did not happen overnight. It took practice, constant practice. I had an anger management problem and in God's great wisdom he can give me an opportunity to work on that everyday. I started thanking God every night for sending an ass of a person to me that day so I could work on my anger management.

I was broken, I had to look up to see down and it was a gift and a blessing. I grew so much, learned so much.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 29 at 2017 12:34 PM

2017-06-29T12:34:55-04:00

I know that without speaking on any personal issues that I have (trust me I am all ate up in the interior sometimes even when all looks normal on the exterior), the first thing that I think needs to be continually discussed and improved upon is the stigma that is attached to Behavioral Health Services being utilized by active SM (vets as well of course). Even though this has been an "issue" I know that the Army says they count as a top priority on paper, there is still an unspoken fog of negativity that a lot of leaders and peers will see once they are tracking the SMs status of being seen. I'm not by any means someone who can say I know things were this way or that way considering I am only 4 years in and at the beginning of my 2nd contract, but personally I feel that this is probably an "Old Army" mindset that still gets practiced even when it is in an unconscious manner. For Example: Rules say soldiers can't be truly "smoked" anymore and their are strict guidelines to exercises/count when disciplining through correct training. (I know, I know, you NCOs don't have to tell me how creative some of you vertebrae that make up the backbone of the Army can be in working around these things lol I know this) My point is even though someone high up enough said this will change because of such and such reasons, effective upon publication.. It didn't stop me from doing Iron Mikes behind the company from 1600-1700 in the middle of a Texas July day, while discussing/listening to SFC PSG/SSG Squad leader would rather do this then create a paper trail all bc I came to motorpool formation on Monday morning with a haircut I got on Friday (completely within regulation) instead of the "highly recommended and suggested" every Sunday haircut that our platoon SGT informed us to do. I know now that 1SG was old school, platoon SGT was old school, and since it was year 1 and 1st duty station back then I would have thought this is how the whole Army is. So I will admit, I have NEVER even one time showed up to work on a Monday with a haircut more than 24hrs old since then, I don't even think about it anymore, it is my routine now. Old Army is by far from my short experience far more effective in most things. Discipline, military bearing, courtesies and customs, most normal soldierly categories. I don't however agree that Mental Health issues can be totally responded to correctly until the "suck that shit up" old army way of thinking is eradicated at all levels. Not saying a lot of great veterans haven't sucked it up and drove on and aren't still successfully still doing it bc I know there are quite a few. I'm saying that the military changes regulations and doctrine to maximize mission capabilities and to align them with the intended results. Judging by our number of Active/Retired Vets commiting suicide daily, this too must be adjusted bc whatever we did before and are doing now just aren't effective anymore.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 1 at 2017 8:48 AM

2017-07-01T08:48:42-04:00

I was getting counseling for another issue in my life. My counselor introduced me to the treatment known as EMDR. Through the treatment and the continued application of the principles behind it, I was able to regain control of my thought patterns. I didn't have the memories popping up and mentally paralizing me.

Response by SGT Brent Scott made Jul 5 at 2017 2:20 PM

2017-07-05T14:20:38-04:00

I hear a lot of things that are great about the V.A and then I hear other things that's are not great. A couple years ago I was at work and I don't know what happened but all of the sudden something in me jolted and my hands started to shake like they did in combat when you first rattle off a couple rounds from your weapon down range trying to kill the people that are shooting at us. The shaking was so bad that I couldn't hold my coffee still and I shook it all out of my cup, my chest felt like I had butterflies floating around and my heart was just pounding, I had tunnel vision and was just basically freaking out, I was still sane and able to calm down a bit finally to get my bearings. Once I was able to regain my composure I left my job and went to the VA and checked in to see a doc, was seen and from that point went to see the mental health cordinator. They took BP and urine sample, did a bunch of explaining and I did a lot of talking and I was diagnosed with PSTD and combat tremors, they prescribed me some meds which took about a week to really kick in, but my mental health team called me everyday, once in the morning and again at night, they helped get me through what I was dealing with.
Now mind you that I've been away from combat for 7 yrs before this happens, but none the less my growing point was when I was able to get myself under control, there were things that didn't make sense till I freaked out, but looking back two yrs later and having my meds adjusted and still talking to my mental health team was were I realized my growth.

As for the folks that are too scared to ask or think that the VA is going to do shock treatments and lock you in a white room I guess that's your decision on how you handle yourself, I would ask you this! Do your research on the effects of pats and at least get tested, because 2 things are going to happen
1. Your going to self district and your family is going to suffer.
2. Your going to be dead

Please my brothers and sisters asking for help doesn't make you any less of a man or woman, you gotta look out for you, because ain't no one else going to anymore

Response by SSgt Holden M. made Jul 5 at 2017 4:35 PM

2017-07-05T16:35:27-04:00

I didn't see my first emotional growth experience until I was probably about half way through my first counseling experience. I think what helped as well was that my first son was born while I was having my weekly appointments and the emotional growth from that was amazing. It was like I could feel the emotional walls just crumble the first time I held him and almost broke down into tears. So that was probably a good 4 months after I started therapy. One of the things that still sticks with me from my first therapist is figuring out what my subconscious is thinking because it took from me feeling certain ways and not really understanding why to seeing why I was feeling certain ways.

I have told several others about how amazing it was to realize what my subconscious was thinking when I was attending a peer support group.

I am currently in kind of an interesting spot right now because since we moved I haven't really had any kind of support group and have started weekly appointments for a couple months now but have just started seeing my progress from a couple months ago and think I found a peer support group that is local. So I guess you could say the good experiences are happening more then when I initially started back in 2011. But the thing that I still tend to get stuck on and will probably be getting to in therapy in the next couple weeks is why I still struggle with certain things. Like getting startled so much easier and it hasn't gotten better. But that's just a small example.

Response by Laurie Geoffroy made Jul 6 at 2017 2:06 PM

2017-07-06T14:06:42-04:00

Mikel, such a wonderful question. While I am normally coaching veterans through transition to civilian employment, their traumatic experiences seem to weave themselves into the conversation. I am always honored by their trust and ability to share so openly. There is always the question of "Out of such a traumatic experience, what strengths do you believe you built from going through it?" Next question is "How can you use that strength to help you move forward with your future?" Love the question you posted on helping others. Sometimes we don't realize that assisting others really is such a benefit to helping ourselves and can put a new perspective on our own challenges.

Response by CWO4 Tim Hecht made Jul 7 at 2017 12:45 AM

2017-07-07T00:45:39-04:00

As an outsider looking in" so to speak, I volunteer one evening a week at a local treatment center working with active duty members who have both substance abuse problems in addition to many of them suffering from the effects of PTSD.

As a recovering alcoholic, still sober and attending AA Meetings for the last 25-1/2 years I have that part down pretty good. Its learning about, understanding, and helping them to deal with their PTSD.

My first up close and personal encounter was with a combat medic who was deeply troubled about not being able to save the lives of all the casualties he treated. He was visibly shaken by it. We talked one on one about it - I told him although I didn't know the first thing about PTSD I suggested that he rethink it and look at all those he did save and how many family lives he probably touched by what he did do. We've stayed somewhat in touch and he seems to be doing a lot better.

As the outsider, wanting to help anyway I can - what resources are their that I can further my understanding of PTSD and ability to help out?

If you prefer to e-mail me - please do: [login to see]

Thank you all for your service.

Response by MAJ Glenn Lasater made Jul 13 at 2017 12:41 PM

2017-07-13T12:41:12-04:00

As a Drill in 1970, I discovered a trainee late one night who was packing to go AWOL. I talked with him for hours as he expressed his fear of going to Nam and being injured or killed. In attempting to answer some of his fears I was forced to dig pretty deep into my own experiences. I couldn't get that out of my head for a long time and it helped me to begin to understand myself better. In time that incident helped me deal with and overcome my anger. I often wonder what happened to that soldier and what impact that night had on his life.

Response by Cpl Daniel Fabre made Jul 13 at 2017 2:15 PM

2017-07-13T14:15:11-04:00

Anger because the confusion of who was I started noticing that any time one of does little episodes happen I normally atacking my self and I mean upto I remember.

Response by PO2 Lisa Maloney made Jul 13 at 2017 3:28 PM

2017-07-13T15:28:56-04:00

It was when I realized I will never be the same person ever again. I had to accept my new limitations and making them work for me, otherwise I was going to be a goner. That was about 4 yrs about, when I realized I wasn't totally useless to everyone.

Response by Cpl Thomas Kifer made Jul 13 at 2017 3:59 PM

2017-07-13T15:59:34-04:00

A euphoric sence self control. After the Marine barracks in BERUIT Lebanon was hit with a truck bomb and I instantly lost 10 of my closes friends, I blamed myself, thinking if I was there I could have made a difference. When Marines from my unit was deployed there, I was bumped from the deployment. To this day I don't know why, but I believe it was because a young 2nd Lt. Confided in me and rather then keep it to myself, I told my GySgt. about it. And afterwards was told I would go on the next float. I thought if I kept my mouth shut, I would have been on that first float to BERUIT and could have stopped the barracks from being destroyed. I know that makes no sense to those reading this, but understand that those in my unit new I always looked out for them. And by not being allow to go, left then vulnerable. Still sound foolish thinking back. What is getting me through this, is my personal relationship with God and understanding that His plan was better thought out then my plan. I woke up about five years ago and felt a power I had been missing back in 1983. I guess it was God's way of saying it was time to get ready for a new purpose God had in store for me. I have know idea what He has in store for me, but this time, I'm going to be ready.

Response by Erin Nelson made Jul 13 at 2017 7:02 PM

2017-07-13T19:02:55-04:00

Too young to recall, so I guess the first emotional growth would be just that emotional growth the maturing into adulthood far before my time

Response by SGT Loren Hammons made Jul 14 at 2017 2:51 AM

2017-07-14T02:51:33-04:00

i think one thing is appreciate live. The other is dont sweat the small stuff.

Response by AN Christopher Crayne made Jul 14 at 2017 5:06 AM

2017-07-14T05:06:26-04:00

My emotional growth experience was the ability to manage my anger over time. Controlling my attitude, basically I tried to quit bi**ching. When I took better control of that aspect I could have more time to focus on positive thinking. Im keeping the stinking thinking at bay for longer periods over time now. I've got a long road ahead.

Response by SGT Jim Ramge, MBA made Jul 14 at 2017 11:02 AM

2017-07-14T11:02:12-04:00

I was extremely fortunate to have not been directly involved in conflicts as I was medically retired prior to 9/11. That said, I was in AIT during Desert Storm, Break-in-service during Bosnia so my ex and I could stay in Germany and finish out her tour. I raised the hand again and went back in in Jan '96, only to be Med boarded out 4-yrs and 10 months later in '00.
Nine-eleven hit while I was sitting in a secured military comma center. My only sibling joined and fast tracked to SSG, was selected to OCS, graduated and went back to Iraq/Afghan. Unfortunately, picking up the remains of troops as a PVT and then later an IED blast, I lost the brother I once knew! He is still recovering from the multiple surgeries and severe PTSD, and memory issues associated. He is still adjusting in his own way. I have lost my brother, there is no doubt about that. But, I love the man he is for giving his life to this country! As we continue to regain our lives I am blessed that I can still see him and speak to him. It's just not the same, something I have to get over! Fortunately, he is able to get around on his own and perform his own daily tasks. He will never be able to live by himself again. He has once again found love in a woman that loves him, so that is huge. However, my greatest fear is that one day he will wake up and give up with everything he has gone through! PTSD has affected our entire family, although we are simply the responders. I hope one day that more scientific and advanced technologies will be afforded to these troops as we continue to prevail in our nations peace keeping efforts! God bless you my brothers and sisters. I thank you for your service/continued service and wish each of you well!

Response by Sgt Wayne Wood made Jul 14 at 2017 11:33 AM

2017-07-14T11:33:50-04:00

Don't think i experienced anything... kinda like arrested development. The world moved on, i never did. There is no joy. Experiences that "should" be positive aren't... flattened emotions. College degree(s) mean nothing. Birth of a child... nothing. The only emotions i have are anxiety, anger, and a really dark, twisted, sense of humor.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Jul 14 at 2017 11:56 AM

2017-07-14T11:56:00-04:00

Thats a hill I have not crested, nor likely ever will. I'll keep humping the ruck...never quit, but summiting is not likely.

Response by SPC Mary J Randall made Jul 14 at 2017 1:30 PM

2017-07-14T13:30:43-04:00

7 years while living overseas in the Marshall Islands, I ran into complications Jan 2010 and almost died in a hospital Mar 2010. I caught the bus to go to the hospital by closing one eye 19 Mar 2010 after discovering that I was seeing double and triple vision, no falls or alcohol, could not give food or water down for weeks. I signed into the hospital and asked to speak to a doctor who refused to admit me to the hospital, put me on IVs or do blood or urine testing even when I told him that I was having the above symptoms listed above. He refused telling me that I was not dehydrated even though I could not keep food or water down. He sent me home. Luckily, the good Lord was looking after me. I had a meeting with my friend and psychologist Marion who helped save me life.

She said that I did not look good and wanted me down in the ER. Within minutes I was downstairs and on IVs and I heard the nurses call my boss, Byron and tell him that I was at the hospital and on IVs and would not be finished until after 03:30pm. It was 08:32am. The acting head doctor came in and told me that he was shipping me off island. I could go back to India where I had the operation, cheaper then the states or Alabama where I am from or Honolulu. I picked Honolulu. I would rather deal with American doctors, hospitals and insurance companies. I left the island and flew to Honolulu supposedly for a 2 week stay 22 Feb 2010 but have never been back on island. Why?

I nearly died in that hospital outside Honolulu. I checked in and no one was expecting me. I was in the ER, a breakroom with just my purse and a orange couch where I tried to get a nap and finally a hospital room where I got several hours of sleep and went down the hall to get something to eat but have no memory getting back to the room until Mar 2010 when I woke up and was told that I almost died and had severe vitamin deficiencies. I also found that I could not walk, type, write or do all of the 1000s of things we take for granted. Do I blame that doctor in the Marshall Islands? No.

Why? I found God in that hospital room in Hawaii. I was ready to leave and be with God but I did not think it was fair to my leave my problems with my sister, Debbie and our mother's problems on her also. I had been taking care of our mother's financial and medical since Oct 2007 after we had been notified that our mother had almost died and her church had raised money to pay her utility bills. Mom handle the finances in our family. God agreed and sent me back and my sister called me and asked me to come to Idaho where she would be my attendant. She saved my life. If I had gone to Mobile, AL, I would like be dead. I would not know who to trust.

Who helped me learn how to walk was a little boy who was also learning how to walk. He was only one and he made it fun. If you have been in combat, a accident and have to learn how to walk or do things differently and have children or grandchildren who are learning how to walk and do other things, look to them and copy them. You will find that you can learn from them so much from children and they can make it fun. I was only depress one day. Give yourself time and remember that when you were born, you did not know how to move your arms or legs or your body. You had to learn how to do that. You had to learn how to crawl. You had to learn how to stand up and take your first steps again. You had to learn how to run. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time and remember that you are a child of God who loves you even when we are the most troubled and feel like dirt, He loves us. Read God's word and memorize and read the 91st Psalms. That psalms saves. That psalms was prayed over certain companies during WWII and the members of the unit read out loud and memorized it and came home not hurt. When you are hurting, read God's word. It helps.

Response by PVT Mark Zehner made Jul 17 at 2017 3:40 PM

2017-07-17T15:40:30-04:00

It took me 9 years before admitting that I had PTSD! It's been several years now that I've been working on it and I have finally gotten to the point where I was able to achieve a goal and that was going to New York City and going to Times Square at night!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 21 at 2017 9:40 AM

2017-07-21T09:40:38-04:00

I struggle w\ PTSD and yes i think it is very possible , and unfortunate that Obama under the cover of darkness. Put into place secret motives. I think it is too soon to trust our Govt. completely. The only way to make for sure their motives are pure is get the big guns "involved " by that I mean lawyers , and many others. Me personally think it much soon to trust the powers that be. I think it is quite strange there is a big push right now toward me , and others I know to get help from the V. A . . I would love to think it waz for the right reasons. But all the folks that have been calling me supposely from the V . A . don,t feel right to me. Why I not sure yet. When I have called the V . A . and ask them they don,t seem conviced of who or whom is calling me.
.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 21 at 2017 9:59 AM

2017-07-21T09:59:31-04:00

I am not ready to trust the V . A . I received a 0% rating for PTSD .from a very crafty Metal Health Dr.

Response by SSgt James Tadlock made Jul 23 at 2017 5:31 PM

2017-07-23T17:31:06-04:00

I have had a problem with anxiety and depression for a long time. After I retired from my job of 23 years I went to work for a small business doing air freight deliveries around North and South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Virginia, West Virginia, Alabama, a little in Mississippi and Florida. Anyway when sleeping at home I would nightmare sometimes get out of bed and sleepwalk. I had been accepted into the VA healthcare system but never mentioned anything about it. Finally the nightmares were getting so common until my wife began talking to me about having it checked. She was afraid I would fall down the stairs and she also could not sleep for the disturbance. Finally my children started on me because they were witnessing my problems. I was diagnosed with PTSD, servere depression and anxiety at the CBOC in Rock Hill, S.C. I was sent to Dorn VA Hospital in Columbia, S.C. for another opinion and got the same result. I am now being treated at MHC in Charleston. I have the PTSD, REM sleep disorder with restless legs syndrome, sleep apnea (CPAP). I take medications for all of it. I have bad nights at times, kick around, sometimes sleep walk, knock stuff over, most recently went after the television for some reason. Glad that I did not knock it over. I have therapy, but truthfully it doesn't change anything. I try to do what they say but mostly I just get alone and nap, until I have one of the screamers.

Response by Cpl Servando Velasquez made Jul 23 at 2017 10:06 PM

2017-07-23T22:06:25-04:00

One of my favorite theories to use when approaching this problem is the one devised by a concentration camp survivor during the Holocaust in WWII: Logotherapy. In a nutshell and according to Viktor Frankl, Logotherapy entails using 4 specific techniques that can help the individual transcend themselves and how to put their problems into a healthy perspective.
-->Attitude modulation: the technique of changing the individual's neurotic motivations to constructive ones.
-->Dereflection: the individual is assisted in derailing the focus of their problem away from them and constructively direct it to someone or something else.
-->Paradoxical intention: intentionally exaggerate their symptoms to help the individual view them in a light and humorous way.
-->Socratic dialogue: used to help the individual assign meaning in their lives, current situations, and their awareness of their strengths.
Frankl states that his logotherapy theory intents to help the individual resolve issues beyond their body and their mind since both of these can become "ill". Logotherapy deals more with the "spirit" of the individual. Read up on one of my favorite books by Viktor Frankl "Man's Search for Meaning" or you can visit http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/logotherapy to understand what this therapy has to offer.

Logotherapy

Logotherapy, developed by Victor Frankl, works within the framework of existential therapy and is essentially the search of meaning for one's life.

Response by GySgt James Marchinke made Jul 25 at 2017 8:48 AM

2017-07-25T08:48:13-04:00

PTS(D); pOST tRAMATIC sTRESS that never ends and lives every second of our lives in us, we cannot ever get passed and live our lives before the emotional experiences we lived through and others did not. I have been through three counselors, first was a piece of sh!t, second and third were really good but transferred in the middle of my sessions; lost trust in the VA. We really only need to cope with the living, ourselves, think of the ones that has passed in positives ways not what we experienced them as they left this world or lost most of their mobilities, disabled for life but learn to live with their disabilities and that is what we need to do live with our disabilities; not disorder but an everlasting image of tragic events that lingers in our minds always changing to how we related and lived with them before the events happened.
I will not take opiates nor any pill that I feel is addictive, have seen too many of our Veterans get hooked and VA takes them off for what ever reason they go get what their system thinks they need and either overdose or commit suicide. No matter how much depression I feel at times I still enjoy life and stay to myself, like one Veteran stated here, trust no one, question everything, and keep moving forward but at times the forward momentum stops until we can get a grip on reality again.
I do not feel sorry for myself but the ones I push away for they really do not understand what PTS is and how emotionally distraught it makes one feel, my wife recently told me she lives life with me not knowing how I will react to any given statement she makes so she stays in her area of the house, I stay in mine and we live separate lives but in public we camouflage, when we actually go out together in public.
The best avenue I have is when I go to work daily assisting Veterans in their employment needs and as I visit and converse with other Veterans with the American Legion, working with the Veterans Cemetery committee; it is all about being with people who can relate somewhat to our situations we live in; I say somewhat because every situation that happens is different for everybody experiencing it and they relate to life in many different ways.
Well, my venting is over for now, never really answered his question because I am still experiencing a growth change daily, hourly, every second of every day.

Response by SSG Mark Franzen made Jul 27 at 2017 8:56 PM

2017-07-27T20:56:57-04:00

I can't because its been to many years dealing with and it never Ends. Now I have another problem now which since Jan 16 of this year I been having issues with vertigo and boy is something I can't handle It any more 17 times since Jan and I am trying to go to see other doctor to find out why? my last kept throwing pills at me and they are not helping.

Response by SPC John Chambers made Jul 28 at 2017 3:17 PM

2017-07-28T15:17:17-04:00

I think it was accepting what I had been through. For the longest time I couldn't admit, even to myself, that I had killed someone in combat or had friends killed. It was like if I didn't admit it it didn't happen. I had a counselor help me address the issue and now I'm on a better emotional level I think.

Response by SFC Joseph A. Anderson made Jul 28 at 2017 7:17 PM

2017-07-28T19:17:38-04:00

Fortunately, I do not suffer from PTSD. I do have depression due to a couple of illnesses. I only hope that all of our Service Veterans that do have some form of PTSD, are getting treated and have filed a claim with the Department of Veterans Affairs. I was able to help many Veterans while serving in the Veterans Benefits Administration for 13 years. I am here to serve those still in need. Ask any question.

Response by Maj Gary Gault made Aug 7 at 2017 1:19 AM

2017-08-07T01:19:48-04:00

Hats off to those who suffer from PTSD but then get the help you need to get on with your lives. God Bless Our Troops both active and reserve and retired.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 9 at 2017 2:02 PM

2017-08-09T14:02:05-04:00

Empathy, and patience.

I never really noticed.
No one ever asked me.

Ive been using my experiences in my training, as my own lessons learned.

And people say im allot nicer.

MSG Bo

Response by SSG Jimmy Cernich made Aug 9 at 2017 4:16 PM

2017-08-09T16:16:34-04:00

I met the love of my life and she put up with me through it all and got help for me.

Response by SGT Ben Crowley made Aug 20 at 2017 7:48 PM

2017-08-20T19:48:01-04:00

I got severely wounded in Afghanistan in 2005, spent a year in the hospital and as soon as I got out I was 100 percent focused on building a new life. I am disabled, and my body doesn't work so good anymore so I had to learn how to make a career with my mind. I focused so hard on that I largely hid put my emotions (PTSD) on hold with drinking for years, laser focus on hobbies, and other things, and it wasn't until I had hit a comfortable spot with that aspect of life that the PTSD started raising its head.
Now, I am aware of my PTSD, fits of anger, hyper awareness, alcoholism, things I never realized before were really a result of that, despite a few years of VA counseling. Suppose I was in denial because of my focus on building a new life.
Now I have embraced it. I take it for what it is. It isn't all bad. I have an increased sense of compassion, can't stand to see a bug killed. I am hyper aware...okay I can't see where that hurts anything. I have anger issues not so much under control and that needs work, but I have made progress on alcohol. The biggest thing is understanding when your unusual behavior is due to it, and making a decision, do you chalk your behavior up to PTSD or do you work to find a way to fix it? I haven't fixed a lot of things, I have family issues due to drinking and anger, but I realize it and that allows me to know I have something palpable I need to fix. It isn't a mystery.

Response by Leckey Harrison made Aug 27 at 2017 1:08 PM

2017-08-27T13:08:59-04:00

I'm not a vet, but in answer to Q3, I freely teach them how I cured my PTSD and grew beyond it. More on that later.
Q1: My first experience was shortly after I discovered I had PTSD. I was raising my voice as I had learned (the brain firing/wiring thing) and I was told not only did I not need to talk that way, I wasn't allowed to in that context. I started to argue, and suddenly stopped. What was my need to? I changed at that moment.
Q2: My partner was right there (she put the foot down), and I've shared it since. Like I am now.
Q3: I teach the local vets for free when the facility is open, and I made a business out of my own experience.
Q4: My symptoms are all but gone, so every day improves as I use new tools for continued growth.

Hope this helps, and I'll gladly talk to anyone who has further conversation or has questions.

Response by Leckey Harrison made Aug 27 at 2017 1:24 PM

2017-08-27T13:24:28-04:00

I'm just a volunteer firefighter, yet I suffered PTSD, and could build a case for CPTSD. Regardless, here's my answers:
Q1: About a month. Partner said, "You don't need to talk to me like that (brain fired/wired pattern of first marriage), and I will not allow it." I stopped just as my mouth opened to rebut - it hit me: I had no reason why I NEEDED to talk that way. Completely changed me.
Q2: She was there. Been sharing it since.
Q3: I help vets when the service center is open, and I built a business to help others. I focus on emergency responders and my business partner on birth related trauma.
Q4: I am primarily symptom free and have been for about two years. I practice what I preach. I'm growing like a weed. I have no time to be just a "survivor," and my idea of thriving isn't to be taking meds and therapy for 20 years and still have monthly crippling anxiety, sleepless nights, and flashbacks.

Response by Sgt William Coffee made Sep 1 at 2017 9:53 AM

2017-09-01T09:53:15-04:00

When I was in Vietnam (69-70) I was an avionics tech on Hueys. Shortly after arriving I was volunteered to be a door gunner. Our squadron did close air support for anything that needed to be delivered or picked up. Needless to say I was quite "busy". When I returned home I knew there was something different about the way I acted and the way I treated other people. I did not attribute it to PTSD. The phrase had not yet been coined. I managed to complete college and spend 24 years in corporate positions. I did however, change jobs a lot. It wasn't until 2011 (41 years later) and a routine visit to my doctor that he presented me with the idea that perhaps I needed some anger management. He had a Father-in-law that retired from the Marine Corps. He gave me the phone number for the local vet center. I eventually (4 months) called and made an appointment. It was the first step to understanding what was going on and how to deal with it.

Response by CPL Glynnda White made Sep 30 at 2017 12:28 PM

2017-09-30T12:28:27-04:00

Veterans, please do not seek mental health assistance through the VA. They have removed weapons from thousands of veterans who have mental health issues with the excuse that they are mentally unstable and should not be owning weapons. I will gladly admit that there are some, however there are many veterans who own weapons, have PTSD and would not hurt anyone except in self defense. The problem our government (started under the Obama administration) is trying to find ways to separate citizens from their weapons since they can't get around the 2nd amendment. We need to remember that the 2nd Amendment was put in place so that citizens could protect themselves from over aggressive government.....DO NOT TRUST THE VA....we need more time to clean house i that totally corrupt organization....

Response by PO3 John Faria made Oct 6 at 2017 11:20 AM

2017-10-06T11:20:50-04:00

I know it may sound funny, but time heals, but not immediately. With me it recurred at least 3 times. Thank the Good Lord it has been about 8 years ago. Not easy, no instant answers.

Response by PO3 John Faria made Oct 6 at 2017 11:24 AM

2017-10-06T11:24:52-04:00

Last time it was about seven years ago. No easy answers, other life stresses brought back that. It sort is like a door that ounce out of its hinges, just sometimes goes of kilter.

Response by William Andrew Wilson made Oct 7 at 2017 10:11 AM

2017-10-07T10:11:40-04:00

My wife suggested that I do one positive thing a day for me of my choosing. I chose to make a 4 mile loop through our local campus (run, bike or baby stroller run). I promised to her that every day that I woke up at home, I would make this loop...I verbally dedicated this to our unborn son. I felt a since of obligation to both and I have maintained my efforts so far. I have realized that I now receive so much joy from this little exercise. I feel that those who are more subject to PTSD are those that spend there life doing for others and have suffered casualties during those efforts. Through this exercise I, in a round about way, am finding that I am comfortably doing something for me as a result as I feel better both physically and mentally. I also feel that the hour of exercising allows me to get lost in the moment. I feel guilty when I relax so this self imposed work is beneficial for me. disclosure...I have not be diagnosed as a sufferer of PTSD nor have I requested this evaluation.

Response by A1C Isa Kocher made Oct 7 at 2017 3:59 PM

2017-10-07T15:59:45-04:00

i got angry. on christmas eve in 1974. i had decided to die on christmas day. i was all prepared. my universe was black. i was abandoned, no way was there any point of going one more day. it would be my Xmas present to myself - then i got angry. i told god no matter what it or the universe did, i was not going to kill myself. i was just super pissed at everything and everybody and my uselessness. so i decided to make everybody else miserable. by just staying around. no matter how bad it got or how lonely.

writing this i guess i forgot about my first acid trip in 1965 - i was typical conservative white nerd and that just went away - no more knife fork and spoon on the table to eat a mcdonalds. - went full hippy. then started at university of pennsylvania at night school on PA rehabilitation. finished 1967-1969 with honors went to graduate school in anthropology. but developed epilepsy couldn't finish my phd. ma rutgers 1973.

but later in 75, after deciding to live in blackness on Xmas 74, i was able to forgive one of my shrinks, a bad person who was among other things sexually abusive, and discovered love from the universe.

Response by SSgt William Mavis made Oct 7 at 2017 9:02 PM

2017-10-07T21:02:02-04:00

back in the 70 s,they forced a lot of us into group counseling in those day s it was called delayed stress syndrome,the bureaucrats were frustrated,because we didnt feel a bit guilty.have i had bad dreams sure,but im proud of the fact i ve never hurt anyone who wasnt trying to hurt me or someone else.a lot of guys said they ve never felt more alive,different topic has to do with adrenaline,why we had a real drug problem.today's troops face,a different problem,they have revolving tours,were they sit in place,waiting,they may only see 1 firefight in six mos.it s not the carnage stressing them,it s just plain mind numbing stress.and while there vulnerable the vultures close in

Response by SPC Daniel Rankin made Oct 14 at 2017 10:25 PM

2017-10-14T22:25:33-04:00

I was diagnossed with ptsd about 5 years ago and went through the process of talking to a therapist and then a few years later a phsycologist the only one that helped me was the therapist. She qualified my dog as a service dog for my tremors and seizured that occurred from the war. My first growth was the smile I got on my face because I was able to be comforted by my dog where every I went. That meant a lot to me. The phsycologist just wanted to play head games and after the first series of meetings he wanted to extent them I said no thanks and left. I have been growing ever since with the help of scriptures and my family ever since.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 17 at 2017 9:50 PM

2017-10-17T21:50:48-04:00

Things will not be the same but you have to learn to make the best of it. Transition can take time depending on our severity. I have went through not only the physical side but also the mental adjustments and what I have learned is that there are some key things that matter.
Here they are: Rest/Reconnect/Reset/Remove/Resolve/Recon/Reengage. These are solid steps we can take. They are "a tool" in the toolbox, not the only one to build stronger resilience and overcome. There is no specific timeline for them, but they all matter. I used these to learn how to walk again.

Response by SGT Lloyd Burge made Oct 29 at 2017 11:50 AM

2017-10-29T11:50:18-04:00

My first emotional growth was to stop fighting it. Just accept it. There are times when I may feel overwhelmed, but I will work through it. I realized this without VA help.
It took about 30 years for this growth.
Others did share in the experience. Of those who were there I am the last one living. Now I tell anyone willing to listen.
I constantly look back and try to relate to other peoples problems. Right now I am working with a 13 year old who has been physically and emotionally abused.
Sometimes I have to force good things to happen. I also look for the humorous things that happened in the middle of the chaos.

Response by TSgt James Carson made Nov 7 at 2017 3:35 PM

2017-11-07T15:35:31-05:00

In life and the military we loose people through death and parting due to needs of life. Many of us have friends we have lost track of over years and do to life. You have to collect emotions and thoughts and go on with life. Loving memories is all you may have. I call them loving because they are close to your heart. That's why some memories live with you. I try to be the person who people will think of as honest, fair, a good friend, there if they need you. It's life.

Response by SR Eddie Reyes made Nov 10 at 2017 1:58 PM

2017-11-10T13:58:00-05:00

Sometimes I still question why him and not me. It’s hard still till this day. Sitting and thinking about the situation brings everything back like it just happened. In the end I found out not everyone is ready to deal with a traumatic injury. I’ve told others about it from Army and Marines, they are always ready to liste. Civilians don’t understand what PTSD and how some sometimes I feel trapped with no way out.

Response by SGT Randall Smith made Nov 13 at 2017 5:47 PM

2017-11-13T17:47:57-05:00

When I got home in 1969 I returned to college, had a full time job and was living with my brother. He got home 4 months after I did. It did not dawn on me for many years that why I was so poor in college when I went back is because I could no longer concentrate for more than an hour or two. Plus I really had to watch my temper. It was always right on the surface. I knew things were going to go wrong and I worried all the time. Then on Dec 26 1990 my wife got orders and was sent to Desert Storm with the Navy. I had a 7 year old and 9 year old to take care of and working two jobs. Her reserve unit did not forward anyone's pay records and we needed her pay. I did not know where she was or where her ship was so I was up most of the night watching the news. I woke up at about 3am one morning dreaming I was back in Nam and we were going to crash. I saw the people up close that I had not seen in over 20 years. My M-60 jammed and suddenly I was at the wire looking for a weapon. I could feel blood running down my leg just as it had in 1968 and I was soaking wet. I had not had any dreams in about 15 years and here they were again.
I called my brother at 4am and we talked for several hours. He was Special Forces and he had his own demons to fight. I still have the dreams now, and the noise in my ears sometimes wakes me up and is driving me nuts but I no longer sweat the small stuff. This drives my wife crazy now, I don't worry about the small things normally. Agent Orange is killing me like it did my brother so why should I lose it over a slow driver, some one cuts in front of me at a store or I want to buy something and they are out of it. I have learned, if I wake up in the morning and there is no dirt in my face it is going to be a great day.

Response by CPO Keith Morgan made Nov 21 at 2017 10:24 AM

2017-11-21T10:24:10-05:00

Colonel
My first growth is having known that when and if I have to use my weapon or skills it is for the safety of My teammates or myself.

Response by LCpl James Robertson made Nov 25 at 2017 6:17 PM

2017-11-25T18:17:20-05:00

Most Vietnam-era veterans did know what it was, during that time it were called "shell shot" and other nasty names. at EAS the Marine Corps were not very helpful in helping you in anyway if you were not re-enlisting. I didn't know what were wrong with me until 1977, after starting a career on the police department, I secretly went to a private psychiatrist and discovered that I had PTSD-Delayed from serving my time in the USMC. I could not tell anyone on the police department or be fired, so I secretly took the prescribed medication. Later I returned to the VAMC, for years we were told we could not use the VAMC, unless you had loss of limbs, or other bad health issues from the war. In 1999 were the first time I were allowed to use the VAMC., my experiences with the VAMC Psychiatrist has been very good, I suffered a lot of years on my own, but I am in a different place now and better.

Response by SGT Louise Hawthorne made Dec 1 at 2017 12:45 AM

2017-12-01T00:45:44-05:00

When I went to VA and asked for counseling. Got discharged, married, and had a baby. Telling myself the crap would go away and I was normal.
Then came that night someone tried to mug me.
Took him down and mule kicked him,,, just like that.
The experience gave me a REAL reality check.
The things I used for defense then are considered a crime out here.

Response by SPC Daniel Rankin made Dec 1 at 2017 11:02 PM

2017-12-01T23:02:14-05:00

I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2012 which was quite a few years after I got out of the service. It never was a real issue until I had my brain injury two years before. And that was because of hidden causes due to the war. In 2012 I was assigned a therapist and it was then I got a service dog. The difference is this dog and God has made a huge difference. My growth is in leaps and bounds. I try to share my experiences but I have a wife who wants to hold me back. So it is hard. I just use my experiences to help others on the internet now. The VA was the one who provided my therapist and when she retired they tried to give me a pshycologist and he was a bust. After his first round of sessions I stopped going. He was playing too many head games. And would not leave my service dog alone.

Response by A1C Isa Kocher made Dec 8 at 2017 3:14 AM

2017-12-08T03:14:19-05:00

my first growth started when i got angry at god on christmas day - i think 1974 or 1975 - and i told god to go to hell and the universe that no matter what it did, i was not going to commit suicide - things done to me were so horrible, ugly, mean, cruel, unforgiveable that i rebelled. i swore that i was not going to be the patsy.

it was the darkest most isolated most alone most desperate day of my life - i just saw nothing but torture as my only future - but something in me refused to give in and i got angry llike a 2 year old who just learned the word no.

that saved my life, anger and just plain dumb stubbornness

Response by Peter Booth made Dec 9 at 2017 10:27 AM

2017-12-09T10:27:33-05:00

I was good looking, athletic, a British Army shooting champion, on for a first and destined for a career as an officer in the British Army. Taking the most beautiful girl to a party was a dream and then with the most beautiful girl in the world was in a car accident on 11th December 1982. She was thankfully uninjured but I was disfigured and blinded. Though the UK's health service has been great in surgery in 35 years I have had one 45 minute conversation about hope to cope being blind. I have suffered major trauma, as have all my family and many friends but there is a stigma about the condition. I work with and raise money for veterans and most are not as lucky as me nut no one knows what to say. When they took the bandages off my head in late April 1083 I had recovered some vision in one eye and now short sighted I looked at the new me. I smiled at the ward sister and said "at least I can see that I am a mess!" Trauma can hit at any time and after my late father, an RAF veteran had died and I had carried the family through the whole episode and I closed his eyes, it was four months later when a lovely young lady at the supermarket asked how Dad was. I broke down and the staff gave me hot sweet tea and got me home. I am very brave but that one moment when someone showed me kindness unleashed trapped emotions. In many ways unleashing those emotions helped me overcome my own grief but our world stigmatises stress and men in particular are hopeless at sharing true emotion as Robert de Nero showed in the Deer Hunter. We judge with ignorance and as people are made to feel guilty. Emotion is part of who we are and stress is inevitable but returning to a world where stress is seen as a weakness and even a betrayal is so wrong. The world should understand that heroes have emotions and can feel vulnerable.

Response by SP5 Larry Morris made Dec 9 at 2017 2:29 PM

2017-12-09T14:29:30-05:00

my dad did ww2 never knew untill he died 5 bronse stars he told me one day at a time best i ever heard

Response by SSgt Harvey "Skip" Porter made Dec 9 at 2017 9:07 PM

2017-12-09T21:07:19-05:00

After suffering a bad accident while on active from a high fall. Breaking my arm in three places and injuring my back. After so many years off being afraid of heights not wanting anyone to stand behind me and all these other phobia's I was having. Not to mention being unable to sleep well and having nightmares. I just dealt with it and thought it was just another part of living. Fast forward while seeing my personal Physician for sleep problems. It wasn't going well we were not making any progress in me getting better sleep.

So I go to the VA and explain to my Doctor what I was going through. I was referred to a Psychologist for insomnia. After seeing the Psychologist for about six months in a session one day she asked me to think back about any traumatic event I may have had experienced in which caused me problems. I begin to explain to her about this accident I had in Germany. She then said oh I think you may have PTSD. I said what PTSD I thought that was only from combat. WOW how much of an education I got from that.

I was referred to another Specialist Psychologist to evaluate me for PTSD. I was embarrassed to even talk to him because I felt bad seeing a Psychologist for PTSD because I thought I was taking the time and slot from another Veteran whom had experienced combat. I ffelt guilty and ashamed, however after several sessions I came to understand that PTSD could be from any traumatic event. Turns out from that fall I had experienced had altered my life and thoughts. So now I am no longer ashamed that I have being seeing a Psychologist for a traumatic event I experienced while in the military. After attending group sessions I come to learn that many many others had experienced traumatic events not from combat and had similar or some of the same issues I was experiencing.

So I'll say to any and all out there if you are experiencing something from a traumatic event get it out your system and seek professional help.

I must say that I am sincerely grateful for the VA in helping me with this. I knew I had problems however I chose to deal with them the best way I could. Now it feels like I got the monkey off my back.

Peace!

Response by PO2 Hank Kaczmarek made Dec 31 at 2017 8:57 PM

2017-12-31T20:57:23-05:00

After waking up between 0250 and 0310 for over 20 years in various forms of upset/fear/sweats, I went to a private shrink. After some therapy, I realized why it was happening. I would wake from nightmares but could never remember what they were about. I grew by getting some help. At first I just wanted to sleep through the night. It's gotten better since then.

Response by SSgt Liam Babington made Feb 12 at 2018 10:30 PM

2018-02-12T22:30:26-05:00

My anger! It being present