What was the most Epic thing you got caught doing? What was the punishment? Was it worth it?

2016-05-22T21:15:31-04:00

I was a PFC Platoon RTO in the 82D. We did some training in VA and were on a Trailways bus back to Bragg. I took a thick marker and wrote "Show Us Your Tits!" on a large piece of paper. I'll be DAMNED! It WORKED! Some chick that was a passenger of a car actually did it! The bus went CrAzY! In a matter of minutes, everyone had the same sign on their window. When we finally got to the Post Gate, The Installation CSM and My Brigade CSM were waiting for us. A retired COL was traveling with his wife and Grandkids and saw all the signs. He called Trailways with the Bus#, then the Bragg Provost Marshall, then the Bragg Installation Commander.

I fessed up and took all the blame. I did 45 days of Additional Duty with the Brigade CSM. It was worth every minute! I was a freaking HERO in the Company!

Response by MSG Pat Colby made May 22 at 2016 9:26 PM

2016-05-22T21:26:07-04:00

Everyone has a story....

Response by SGM Billy Herrington made May 22 at 2016 9:29 PM

2016-05-22T21:29:50-04:00

I tried to bring an AK home from Iraq.

I slipped it into a cot and put it in the stack going on the connex. Also, six others did the same. Someone ratted us to customs and all hell broke loose. I fessed up, and talked to each guy privately and explained it will suck, but fessing up is better than what can happen.

A field grade article 15 of reduction in one rank, SSG-SGT, half a months pay for two months, and I still didn't get the AK.

No, it was not worth it.

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made May 22 at 2016 9:53 PM

2016-05-22T21:53:25-04:00

Think I told this one before but we had a real Alpha Hotel XO down in Antarctica who made everyone's day that much more trying. If we could just get rid of him. So I found out the XO really wanted to go to the South Pole but didn't want to be gone long. I told him to have his gear ready for the next "double shuttle". It was a deal where two Hercs took off about 3 hours apart. So after the first one got unloaded and the stuff put away, the second one would come in an repeat the process. So that gave about 4 hours time at the station. The XO was elated so I told him to standby. The following week, I ran into the command center and yelled, "XO, double shuttle!" He was off like a shot and on his quick adventure. Problem was the Skipper overheard and said "Kev, there's no double shuttle today." Apparently the Skipper was worn down by the XO and was looking to have some time away from him too. He told the Department Heads that he was going to think up a suitable punishment for my egregious behavior. Turned out he never did and my FITREP didn't suffer. Like the bus episode I was the hero and pretty much drank free at the club for the rest of the deployment. Footnote: the XO was gone for a week. I sent a case of scotch to the South Pole station manager for his troubles. He sent an note back that said to send another case. The XO wanted to nail me but somehow the Skipper didn't have a problem knowing the VXE-6 folk doctored the log to indicate the second half of the shuttle went down for parts.

This incident occurred some time after I gassed him with nitrous oxide in his stateroom. Another story.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 23 at 2016 1:26 AM

2016-05-23T01:26:42-04:00

I promise that 5 years after the death of all involved, I will divulge everything.

Response by PO3 Sandra Gomke made May 23 at 2016 2:08 PM

2016-05-23T14:08:37-04:00

Well, there's the one about the 6' Marine I laid out on the floor when he tried to punch me. But my Chief set that one up. So no getting caught. Oh, well!!
So carry on with your stories!!

Response by Sgt Christopher Wenzel made May 23 at 2016 5:26 PM

2016-05-23T17:26:57-04:00

Make this PFC plant some seeds to "replace the oxygen he wasted" near the Stone Bay O-Course. He was a special case that needed some TLC, so after "motivating" this kid around the compound, we stopped, I pulled out some seeds I bought, and started to make him plant. Not five minutes later, this old Gunny from Headquarters saw us, questioned me, sent him away, and engaged in a "stern conversation" for about 15 minutes.

If all I would receive is an ass-chewing, I would do it every chance I had.

Response by CPT Joseph K Murdock made May 23 at 2016 5:42 PM

2016-05-23T17:42:33-04:00

You are my hero too, got any pictures? lol

Response by 1SG Harold Piet made May 24 at 2016 8:40 AM

2016-05-24T08:40:29-04:00

As a 1SG I had to report to the Fort Campbell Post Commander and CSM for calling a dirtbag an oxygen thief . It appears that he cried to his momma, who called her congress man, who called the CG. I showed the CG and CSM his packet and that I was trying to get him out but the process was to slow, got chewed out and then CSM made a few phone calls, dirtbag was gone in a few days. Yes I would do it again.

Response by SGT Greg Gold made May 24 at 2016 9:26 AM

2016-05-24T09:26:19-04:00

As a young private I liked to turn people's rank up side down. I got the 1st Sgt once, but it wasn't enough. I got caught the second time because my lookout bailed, (thanks Basil, I still owe you). Was told to report to the orderly room for punishment. I had trouble getting my punishment assignment because the OPS NCO couldn't stop giggling. As his door closed all you could hear way hysterical laughter coming from his office. The whole orderly room was fighting back from busting out laughing. Finally i was told to empty the waste baskets and buff the floors. About an hour later I reported back, (everyone was still snickering), and told to knock off for the day. I'm serious when I say i thought I was gonna die, but it turns out top had a sense of humor. He had a health respect for someone who had the balls to try and prank him.

Response by SGT Byron Labadie made May 24 at 2016 9:33 AM

2016-05-24T09:33:18-04:00

I got caught doing my job to perfection, and was told by my platoon learder, who was walking beside the company 1st LT. to "Go do it again". (I had just finished sanding and greasing jack legs on a HIPIR radar unit) I replied to him that he was crisp, and I got a formal counseling statement placed in my 201 file. Looking back, I should have wasted others time by going to the JAG to file a complaint. Crisp could me lots of things...as in your (brain is fried) crisp, or your (appearance is neat and) crisp. I should have forced someone to prove my statement was derogatory in nature. I have been out of the army for 38 years now, so I can just shrug and laugh.

Response by Cpl Glynis Sakowicz made May 24 at 2016 10:27 AM

2016-05-24T10:27:59-04:00

I was on duty at the Women Marine barracks at Cherry Point, way back in the dark ages of 1981. I do a building check, round a corner to the day room, and there is a duck. Not just any duck, but one of the GENERAL'S Ducks from the duck pond by the main gate. I am standing there, staring as this rather obese duck, who is settled comfortably on the Pool Table, when I notice the two, muddy, and contentedly sleeping Women Marines, who are giving of an aroma of strong alcohol, duck slime and mud.
Now, its Sunday Morning, and I know that within an hour at the most, the OD is going to be coming round to relieve me and post the next duty. I realize I have a problem here... with the contented duck, and the two drunk Marines with feathers stuck to them. There are not many women who are Marines, and those of us that are, have a tendency to stick together, so I knew right then, I'd have to find a way to get them out of this mess, because that's what we do... we take care of each other when we can... its a Marine thing.
For quite a while, I have heard that the General LOVES his ducks, and at one time, it was said that he threatened to make the MPs fill out accidental death paperwork if any more of HIS ducks died on the roads, so I'm thinking, the General will not take kindly to a kidnapped duck, nor the idea that one of the Marines I was staring at, had been heard saying she had a great recipe for duck, most every time we passed by the duck pond.
Probably the stupidest move I ever made, was that morning. I rousted several sober Women Marines out of their beds, begging and pleading with them to do something to the others to at least get them clean and into their respective rooms, while I agreed to take extra duty for another driver, on the condition that he get the damned duck back to the pond by the main gate.
By the time the OD arrived, I'd cleaned off the duck poop from the pool table, used two cans of air freshener, and managed to look almost blameless as I was relieved of duty.
Two days later, one of the Women Marines told me she'd had the weirdest dream about ducks and barbacue... and she was never, ever getting drunk again. (Insert snort laugh here)

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made May 24 at 2016 1:55 PM

2016-05-24T13:55:39-04:00

This one time, in Iraq, our CO was "too busy" to stage his own gear in the motor pool for customs inspection prior to leaving theater, so he tasked me to handle this chore for him. I took up a collection and imagine his surprise when during the inspection the very attractive young female customs agent opened his footlocker to find an assortment of sex toys, lady's under garments and porn mags..... Yeah, I got my ass chewed for it, but it was totally worth it.

Response by PFC Brian Lesnikowski made May 24 at 2016 4:09 PM

2016-05-24T16:09:14-04:00

on Thanksgiving Eve 1984 at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio Texas while attending the Special Forces Aidman course we had a train
/bachelor party/orgy. someone ratted us out. I was the only one in the junior class so I received special treatment from Sergeants Leal & Mahoney(Mahomo). They proceeded to dog me and my classmates for the next 4 months. these senior ncos in my training class and I had a meeting. I was told to terminate or I could expect blanket parties. call them all bunch of f****** pussies. I went upstairs to Captain Fox's office, our CO, and wrote and signed my termination papers. unbeknownst to me that when I terminated from Special Forces I also in fact ended up disqualifying myself from the Delta Force qualification course if I had been chosen.
in a separate incident while I was being held over waiting for jump School I gave 15 women the clap smfh I was the most infamous person stationed at Fort Sam Houston at the time smfh

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made May 24 at 2016 4:18 PM

2016-05-24T16:18:37-04:00

Get caught? Never.

Response by LCpl Private RallyPoint Member made May 25 at 2016 8:12 AM

2016-05-25T08:12:53-04:00

lol, I gotcaught by the Senior trying to "skate" through boot camp. PT came easy, I was 17, had great balance, I was a runner in school and i wasn't intimidated by the Drill Instructors screaming as long as it wasn't at me. While jumping another recruit close to me in the squad bay 5 weeks in, the Senior glanced at me as he was walking away and stopped and said. "Why don't I know who you are or what your name is" At that point my recruit life became hell.

Response by SSgt Liam Babington made May 25 at 2016 8:49 AM

2016-05-25T08:49:55-04:00

Kicked a Major in the nuts for groping one of my troops.

Response by SPC Missy Lee made May 25 at 2016 8:59 AM

2016-05-25T08:59:28-04:00

Omg that is too funny! I had to share your story to my husband.

Response by SMSgt Matthew Hoyer made May 25 at 2016 9:50 AM

2016-05-25T09:50:49-04:00

Stuffed about 25 Turkish shotguns in aircraft equipment racks. Didn't get caught, but mostly because when customs asked if they could open them up we told them it was classified. They opened up a duffle bag, kicked around someone's dirty laundry then said "Ok, sounds good." and left. That would have been pretty horrible if we did get caught. Lot of guns lol

Response by SFC Michael Peterson made May 25 at 2016 9:59 AM

2016-05-25T09:59:51-04:00

As a young Sergeant at Fort Bragg, I shared a room in the barracks with another E-5. It had it's own latrine and, this guy would habitually "forget" to flush the toilet after taking a dump. I talked to him about this many times. Then one day, I went back to the room during lunch to find a foot long trophy turd floating in the bowl. Well, I had had enough of that so, I carefully scooped it out with a paper plate and I set it on his bunk with a napkin and some plastic cutlery. Later that day, I was told that the Platoon Sergeant wanted to see me at my room. He looked pretty pissed and, he asked what the hell I was thinking. I explained and, after hearing why I did it, he turned an even deeper shade of red and he was having trouble choking back the laughter. He gave me as stern of an ass chewing as he could manage and, that was the end of it.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made May 25 at 2016 10:30 AM

2016-05-25T10:30:24-04:00

So no shit there in was. Brand new PV2. Decided I wanted to shame put a bit after my dental appointment since the platoon was so omg 2404s on weapons and fuck paperwork.
Went back to my room to take a little nap.
Not 10 mins after getting there my team leader walks in. "And what the fuck are you doing?"
Me: "ugh. Avoiding responsibility Sgt?"
Him: "....honesty. I like it. Take lunch be back at company 1300."

Response by Maj Gary Gault made May 25 at 2016 11:08 AM

2016-05-25T11:08:50-04:00

Way back in the 1960's as a PVT in the US Army in training, I went over to see my friend at Grey Army Airfield at Fort Lewis, WA. Since I was on foot I walked across the airstrip which was open at the time thus causing a light plane to divert and go around again for landing. The MPs were quickly on the scene and I got a ride in the backseat of their cruiser. I bought a dozen donuts for them and was let go with a verbal warning. Thus I learned not to do that again! Ghomer Pyle learns again!

Response by CDR William Kempner made May 25 at 2016 11:25 AM

2016-05-25T11:25:42-04:00

Brilliant!

Response by SGT Dan Wirtz made May 25 at 2016 2:04 PM

2016-05-25T14:04:56-04:00

10th medical lab West Germany, we had this one racist Alpha- Hotel that was always complaining about al the "Black People" One night he got really drunk, and passed out. We had access to a substance called silver nitrate, a chemical compound that when painted on the skin turns black but only after being exposed to UV light(Sunlight) next day he got darker and darker. Oh and did i mention it does not wash off, it stains the skin and only wears off after the outer layer of skin wears off (About 2 weeks). The Brothers in the unit kept calling him "Brother" and welcoming him to the "Dark Side" He was a little bit less of an ass after that. The Commander was pissed as we "could have poisoned him!!!" (On the record) (Off the record) "nicely played gentlemen" He was a Black man as well.

Response by SGT Robert Riley made May 25 at 2016 2:30 PM

2016-05-25T14:30:44-04:00

Prior to joining the Army, I was in the Coast Guard and assigned to the now decommed USCG Airstation Brooklyn in NYC. One day, I decided to o to Germany to see a girl and took a week off (UA) to do that. Had a great time and spent time with her before she went back to finish her deployment in Bosnia (She was in the Canadian Army)). Flew back home and returned to base where I gave my commanding officer a present (Very expensive beer Stein) and turned myself in. He told me to go see the Senior Chief in the morning. Expecting a Captain's Mast (NJP), I visited Senior Chief who pretty much gave me a very motivating ass chewing and had me go over Commandant's Instructions on the proper way of applying for leave. After that we exchanged "war stories" about Frankfurt's red light district and the other places I visited. I had MAA duty for two weeks and that was the end of that. Was it worth it? Yes. The older petty officers officially welcomed me into the "bad boys club"

Response by CPL Patrick Brewbaker made May 25 at 2016 3:22 PM

2016-05-25T15:22:22-04:00

Awesome, ha.

Response by SPC James White made May 25 at 2016 4:06 PM

2016-05-25T16:06:00-04:00

i GOT A "ORAL-REPRIMAND" on a art 15 form, for missing "Honor-Guard Drill" one day! I'm so happy for a record existing- it was in my official archive NPR in St Louis. cause its the ONLY statement that reflects the duty I did for six months at Ft Huachuca and we were truly tabbed and working West Coast services and PR community events..... My real message here is keep a copy of "everything." Now I' m a former 11b & 75D records clerk -I'm somewhat embarrassed by my 1973 era records being displaced, or in effect not up to Army Par excellent.. By the way a Oral Reprimand, once finished IS NOT to be placed in permanent archive by AR rules...but in this case I'm happy to say yes, as I only missed it once Capt, as I assured you, and that's - that. (PS my 1st Sgt, was awesome as I could have paid a few bucks...so TOP where-ever you are, salutes coffee on me if we ever meet., Let me also add, the National Records Center that maintains your records as a position of "independent researcher" these are the folks who "audit-forensics style" your records once you approve it...So I decided to get certified and since I'm already a certified law librarian, giving back to assist vets today as being A AG Corps 75 D, Personnel Records clerk...NONE OF MY VETS HAVE LOST A VBA case... your MOS mattered in service and just might matter to a brother/sister in transition today, engage the experience., jim.

Response by SrA Steve Miller made May 25 at 2016 7:58 PM

2016-05-25T19:58:14-04:00

When i was in desert storm I was marshaling in a C-130, I was the the rear marshaler. When i gave the signal to stop the flight crew thought it would be funny to keep going for a bit. the beaver tail wound up directly over me. At that point i dropped the paddles and ran for cover. the plane stopped then moved forward into it's parking spot. now I'm at the wingtip waiting for the door to open and when it did, up onto the flight deck I ran and proceeded to curse the flight crew out. and yes there was a ton of F bombs. you need to remember that the crews on these were all officers and a senior NCO. when i got back to the van i realised what I had just so stupidly done. i knew my carrier was now over. A couple hours later the Commander called me into his office, i thought i was dead meat. He got my side of the story, then called in the entire flight crew. At which time he made them apologize to me. craziest outcome ever.

Response by Sgt William Coffee made May 25 at 2016 10:23 PM

2016-05-25T22:23:16-04:00

We had off loaded from the USS Guadalcanal to the island of Vieques. A buddy and I had been drinking ( I know only part of the story you don't believe) and it was time to get back before our horse turned to a pumpkin. Lo and behold as we exited there was a real live horse. It was an omen, we rode that sucker back to the base and left him at the front gate. The next morning we were summoned to the Sergeant Major's office. It seems the horse belonged to the local constable and he was not amused. We did our penance and were not allowed to go off base from then on. It was worth it. Semper Fi

Response by SPC Byron Skinner made May 25 at 2016 11:18 PM

2016-05-25T23:18:55-04:00

Sp4. Early November 1966, operation Attlebrough II, we had to pull our tracks (M 113 ACAV's) into An Loc up near the Cambodian border for ammunition and some repairs we couldn't do in the field. We needed a break we hand no been at a base camp since October 1st. It was typical Hammer/Anvil and being a dismount I was among the bait. We bleed a little, but it wasn't the first blood we had shed and would shed a lot more. The base camp was the home of 2/26 Infantry, CO a dick head named (Lt. Col.) Alexander Haig, yes that one. We were parked next to the 26ths O Club Beer Garden and Officers whore house. To make a long story shot they wouldn't serve us enlisted guys. We seeking to right this injustice, so about 2100 hours we decided it was time for a mortar attack so we pitched two hand, (M-26A1's )grenades about six seconds apart near the whore house and yelled incoming, we sat atop out tracks and watched officers pulling up their skivvies as they jumped out the windows of the whore house, it was a show for the ages…The next morning the 1st. Division MP 's investigated and found the "spoons" for the two grenades…They demanded that our Platoon leader who didn't know exactly who was involved and the MP's couldn't find any snitches. We were due that morning to go back up on the border and work hammer and anvil with B/2/503 Infantry 173ed. Airborne. Our Platoon leader said take em all, the send me some crews in about an hour. The 1st. Division lost interest is seeing justice done…Good Reunion Story, The Lt. is still this side of the grass and verifies the story

Response by CDR William Kempner made May 26 at 2016 5:23 PM

2016-05-26T17:23:21-04:00

In 1981, I was in USAF CCT with 2nd Bn/75th Inf (Ranger) for Operation Ocean Venture. (This was before USN) We parachuted onto Vieques Island-crappy DZ-and spent a day or two on exercise before getting pulled off before a Hurricane. We got back to NS Roosy Roads and had time to kill. The O's all wound up at the club and had a few (okay, more than a few) beers. We closed down the Officers club, and it was really hot, so we did "casts and recoveries" in the Navy O Club Fountain! Some Navy O-5 with no sense of humor -wasn't even Shore patrol or CDO- ordered us all out, and wrote down our names and ranks. right at that time our BN Commander, LTC Bill Powell showed up. The Navy O-5 made a big complaint and a scene , blah, blah, blah., and gave the list of our names to LTC Powell-who took it in his mouth and SWALLOWED IT!!! (lol,lol,lol, even now!) He didn't even look at it! just told us to take it easy and go back to the Q. The Navy O-5 got in his car and slammed the door and drove off in a huff. We all just smiled at Col Powell , and disappeared in the night. (LTC Powell was killed in an exercise with several other Rangers about a month later. A fine man -well remembered.)

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2016 10:50 AM

2016-05-27T10:50:55-04:00

No, sir, Master Sergeant, sir, the statute of limitations has not yet expired.

Response by LTC Mark Beattie made May 27 at 2016 11:37 AM

2016-05-27T11:37:03-04:00

Fortunately, I never got caught; and I'm sure not going to share it on Rally Point!!

Response by MSG Pat Colby made May 27 at 2016 1:30 PM

2016-05-27T13:30:45-04:00

Here's another Epic event in my life.

Back in 1987 I was helping my soon-to-be Mother in Law, Lois. I was on the roof cleaning out her gutters. She was on the ground picking up stuff. As we were chatting on and off and working, Lois casually asked me why I joined the Army. I replied "The Judge said it was either the Army or Prison." She fell silent and we both just kept working.

Fast forward to 2014. We're at my place for Thanksgiving. My wife, our grown kids, My Sister in Law and her Heathens. And Lois. As we were playing cards after eating, Lois had a bit of wine in her and said ~~

"Pat, I have been meaning to ask you. Why did you have to go to prison?"
"Huh?"
"Back before you got married when you were on my roof."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You said the Judge told you join the Army or go to prison."

THAT's when it clicked.
"OH, yeah... You know me. I joke around all the time. I was just pulling your leg."

"Shit! Shit! SHIT! SHIT!!!! YES I KNOW YOU NOW! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU THEN!! I told ALL my Friends! I told everyone at work! I told the ENTIRE FAMILY! You had EVERYONE believing this shit FOR YEARS!"

By this time not a person except Lois could contain their laughter. We were falling the fuck out BIG time.

"MY MOTHER WENT TO HER GRAVE THINKING YOU ALMOST WENT TO PRISON!!"

That just raised the level of laughter...

Then it dawned on me. I was always treated "strangely" by the side of the Family. I didn't even realize it as it was happening but I had been pulling a 27 year joke. Lois is over it now, but she spent the next several weeks calling everyone she knew to try and set the story straight.

She still loves me and YES it was worth it.

Response by SPC Paul Davis made May 27 at 2016 11:58 PM

2016-05-27T23:58:09-04:00

Well .a Raven blew himself up using C4. But as i stated when interviewed by cid/mp . I wasn't aware of that happening ,and i was sorry to hear that it couldn't take the heat of the Desert any longer. :)

Response by Sgt William Coffee made May 31 at 2016 1:32 PM

2016-05-31T13:32:24-04:00

In 1968 I was part of a detachment of 2 Huey's to a 46 squadron for a Caribbean cruise. We docked at Cristobal, Panama. Me and a buddy took the train to Panama City for an evening of(you guessed it,drinking). On the way back my buddy decided to buy a couple of joints. The seller hid them in my cigarette pack. As we were walking down the pier to the "boat" (that pisses of the Navy dudes) I decided to throw the cig pack in the water. Up the gang plank, salute the flag, request permission to board, salute the Bosun, whoops, 2 men grabbed me under my arms and carried me to the middle of the hangar deck. "Take off you cover and empty your pockets into it". followed be a thorough pat down. If I had not tossed the cigs they would have been pumping sunlight to me. HAH ! !

Response by SFC Pete Kain made Jun 16 at 2016 2:11 AM

2016-06-16T02:11:46-04:00

Drunk driving, passed out on the side of the road, Alaska was different in the late 70's, anyway the M.P's found me and I puked on one of them. They split up one drove my truck the other hauled my butt back to the barracks. God bless those two gentleman.
CRAP did I just admit to that?

Response by 1SG Casey Coull made Nov 29 at 2016 1:33 PM

2016-11-29T13:33:09-05:00

I was a Specialist at the time and our unit was having an IG inspection in the morning. I played the dumb specialist and foisted all questions to my team leader. That afternoon, while the leaders were getting the feedback from IG, I took charge of the team in preparation of a rollout to the field the next week. My section Sergeant looked at me like he had just caught on to the stunt I pulled that morning. As for the IG inspection, I could have answered most of the questions for them but didn't want to.

Response by PO3 John Wagner made Jan 1 at 2017 11:45 PM

2017-01-01T23:45:28-05:00

I used to get tits shown to me on a regular basis...it was better in a cab over...I had other equipment shown to me once he was driving in the median after the second round...he ran fast enough to get out of the median ahead of me...I saw him in a rest area a while later.Stopped and called HP. Ran into the lady trooper a couple weeks later...asked about it.. "Drunk as hell, passed out naked it wasn't his equipment though he has stowed it next door. I must have been much better looking then...I haven't seen any tits and fortunately any other exrenal organs in twenty years.

Response by SSG Johnnie Vaughn made Feb 13 at 2017 5:46 PM

2017-02-13T17:46:05-05:00

Fort Benning School for Boys, 1978- Infantry OSUT training.

The drill sergeants marched us to the barber every week, and we got our heads peeled. You can't grow enough hair in a week to need a haircut, so we were sure the drills were getting kickbacks from the barbers. Solution? By God, they can't make me get a haircut if I don't have any hair so I shaved my head. Several others in the platoon thought that was cool, and decided to as well.

Next morning, the drills called us to the front of the formation and had us uncover. I'm sure the platoon snitches had probably gotten word to them before we had even finished shaving. They read us the riot act about how they could court-martial us for damaging government property but they were going to be nice and let us off easy.

Our platoon switched with another one, and we got to go to the gas chamber a day early... while all of the razor burns and nicks on our scalps were nice and fresh. The other guys didn't think it was so cool then. I went from being a hero to a zero very quickly.

Lesson learned.

Response by PO1 Bill O made Feb 13 at 2017 6:18 PM

2017-02-13T18:18:03-05:00

When in boot camp my HMFIC was a big dude, and had a very unique and funny way of yelling at us! Anyway one evening after a messed up rainy grinder workout because some ASSJERKY was going on during chow, while showering I was making fun of him yelling and speaking about what he was gonna do to all of the unit... He was standing right outside of the head, walked in and was so pissed off he made the unit put on our raingear and cycled us for a good 30 minutes while all the showers were on full steam!

Response by SGT Kevin Berman made Feb 13 at 2017 7:57 PM

2017-02-13T19:57:43-05:00

I was a Private in 1983, in-processing at Gelnhausen, 3rd Armor, heading to Budegin and was told that we were restricted to the base. Well I had spend 3 years in Stuttgart where my father was stationed from '78 to 81, and last thing I wanted to do was be stuck on that little base for two weeks, so one night myself and a couple buddies decided to jump the fence in a remote section of the base.

Made it to the front door of the Gasthaus when the MP's showed up. The 1st Sgt of the processing unit wasn't to happy at 3 am picking us up. Fortunately nothing more than restriction.

Response by SFC Jim Ruether made Feb 15 at 2017 8:59 AM

2017-02-15T08:59:06-05:00

I was a new E-6 in Germany and the Colonel I was the driver for got left at his quarters and had to hoof it 4 miles to the site before his shift started at a Warfighter Exercise. I had stopped at a few of these vending machines in town the night before that you could buy a rum coke drink in a can. I had to many and overslept that morning. When I woke up and realized what I had done I reported to the Colonel at the exercise which I was a part of too. He was waving an Article 15 in my face and very pissed off. I had no idea what to do so I did the stand up thing and apologized for being so irresponsible.He cooled somewhat and told me to stay out of his sight for the remainder of the day. Later that day I saved the entire exercise when the COMMS went down and they had just been issued SINCGARS radios. I had just returned from a training school on these radios and fixed the problem in record time. He told me I had saved the exercise and his reputation for getting things done. So I went from an Article 15 to an Army Commendation Medal in one afternoon. He still laughs about it when we get together at some retirement party or other Army function.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Feb 16 at 2017 12:58 AM

2017-02-16T00:58:13-05:00

Our Guard convoys often moved to training areas after EENT. Troops were often subject to such gratuitous displays of t--s. And then there were the others; they turned the lights on inside their boyfriend's car for a better dramatization! MSG Pat Colby

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Sep 6 at 2019 2:04 PM

2019-09-06T14:04:02-04:00

AWOL 2 hours, late bus. Punishment wasn't that bad.

Response by SrA Daniel Ludwig made Nov 18 at 2019 2:17 PM

2019-11-18T14:17:17-05:00

Most epic? Well, pretty much all the people around me knew about it, but command was never informed. I was having an affair with a woman married to an enlisted guy from a different squadron. It WAS WELL worth the risk!!!!!

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Nov 18 at 2019 3:22 PM

2019-11-18T15:22:36-05:00

Well... I was smart to thrive as an Intelligence Soldier for over a decade.... But I had enough common sense to succeed as an Infantryman for my first enlistment.

Translation: I never got caught on any of my epic excursions/activities.

Response by SSG Daniel Brewster made Nov 18 at 2019 7:26 PM

2019-11-18T19:26:04-05:00

I’m definitely not fessing up to any of my misdeeds, but will say that I’m glad the internet and mobile phones weren’t a thing when I was in. For sure Larry King would be talking about all of the crazy stuff I did.

On a totally unrelated note, one story comes to mind... I was in Alaska when they first got the SUSVs - small unit, squad vehicle, I think. They were track driven two piece units - kind of like two neutered 113s joined together. We’re all at a drivers class in these things and we have to drive it around a track. The first part of the track was downhill and there was a wicked dogleg at the bottom of the hill. Being a bunch of exceptionally smart infantry PVT and PV2s, we’d all get back and tell the rest of the guys standing around that we had kept the thing floored the whole way and we’d encourage the guys who hadn’t gone for a ride yet to best our imaginary time. Well, damn, I can’t remember the guys name, but this one dude was telling us that he was gonna best our times and haul ass. Sure enough, he gets in that thing and punches it. We’re all standing there with our mouths open asking one another if he’s gonna slow down on the dogleg. Um, nope. That thing hits the bottom of the hill at probably 40 miles an hour and he cranks it to the left. Boom, that fucken’ thing rolls over on its side and we’re all sitting there laughing our asses off and run down there and we hear a guy screaming. Whoops, not so funny anymore. Turns out the guy screaming was the instructor guy who was a civilian and, thankfully, he’s not hurt, but he’s pissed. And he keeps screaming that he told the driver to slow down and he wants his name and he’s done in the army and all that. By this time the driver is standing around with us outside the SUSV and the civilian is pointing at the wrong guy and telling him he wants his name (uh, nametags?) and the wrong guy is like, “wasn’t me, I haven’t had my turn yet”. So the guy goes around pointing at a few different guys and everyone is like, “nope, not me”. Lol, never did hear if he figured out who was driving.

Response by SGT Kevin Wright made Sep 13 at 2020 4:18 PM

2020-09-13T16:18:48-04:00

I once marched my platoon back from M1a1 training to the field barracks with the “Army, Army, Army, Army. Armyarmyarmyarmyarmyarmyarmy” cadence from Stripes. 1SG just smiled and shook his head. “You got big ones SGT Wright...” Lmao

Response by SFC Jason Hodge made Sep 5 at 2021 2:20 PM

2021-09-05T14:20:16-04:00

My unit was found to have the most portable than any other unit in theater during OIF. 324th MP CO. Appearantly platoons had foot lockers full of DVD and magazines. So proud of my unit.

Response by SFC Jason Hodge made Sep 5 at 2021 2:23 PM

2021-09-05T14:23:52-04:00

Apparently my unit had the most questionable dvds, and magazines than any other unit during OIF. Foot lockers full. We ended up having a health and welfare once a week for awhile.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 5 at 2021 4:59 PM

2021-09-05T16:59:12-04:00

I watched a BDE commander put his arms out while a senior NCO put his gear on. Plain and simple NCO's like officers have boundaries. As a private I hope that was called out. As a current NCO. The standard applies to everyone.

Response by SPC Patricia K. (Williams) Elliott made Sep 5 at 2021 8:14 PM

2021-09-05T20:14:45-04:00

Another soldier did this but I made him regret it! It was at the tail-end of Team Spirit 81 in South Korea. I was one of many custom inspectors detailed to inspect all out going baggage of soldiers that participated in the exercise and were heading home. Had this lamebrained soldier from Hawaii come up to my table and say to me, "Boom, I have a bomb" with this stupid grin on his face like he was funny or something!! Needless to say that was a HUGE mistake. I told him to empty his bags on the table and I proceeded to tear his stuff up!!! Emptied toothpaste tube, shaving cream can, shampoo bottle, and cut up his soap! Turned out every pocket, turn inside-out every piece of clothing he had, and tore out hems in everything! Was told by my SGT to check the soles of his boots which I did by taking them off. As I was doing this, this soldier's 1SG and CO had come up to the table demanding to know what I was doing and why! My SGT explained everything to them and they were not happy and let that soldier know that he had screwed up big time! By the time I got done with him he wasn't smiling smugly anymore! Once that was done, I red-lined his customs paperwork and when he got back to Hawaii, customs did the same thing there! Found out later that he had been busted down to an E3 (think he was an E4 or E5 when this happened). It was the best day of that entire detail!!!

Response by Sgt Dale Briggs made Sep 17 at 2022 9:56 AM

2022-09-17T09:56:18-04:00

We were in Viegas PR qualifying the USS Garcia, I’m 2nd Anglico, and we were loading into 10 tons on our way back to catch a boat ride back to Roosevelt Roads. One of the platoon guys thought it funny to tie up the back flaps into knots and toss in a smoke canister. It was pretty funny except that of all the trucks he happened to pick the one that had the 1st Sgt in it. Nothing dire the 1st Sgt was a pretty good sport, he was the kind of old school and more likely to belt you one and not do paperwork. But I never did hear what he dished out.