What was the most ridiculous profile you were ever shown?

1SG Jeffrey Bergeron — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 14:29:55 -0400

I had a Soldier that didn't want to go to the demolition range however his profile didn't state he could not go. so we told the Soldier "you are going to the range!" The very next day he had a profile stating he couldn't go to the ranges or EQT which is Engineer Qualification Tables.

Response by Col Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2014 2:33 PM

Col Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 14:33:53 -0400

I think the most ridiculous ones I have experienced as a nurse manager, are the ones who purposely obtained petty profiles just so they couldn't deploy. I personally know a nurse who got pregnant numerous times so she wouldn't deploy. And of course, nothing could be said for fear of discrimination. That totally pisses me off because that meant some other hard working troop (who had already deployed numerous times) would have to go again.

Response by 1SG Jeffrey Bergeron made Jun 13 at 2014 2:35 PM

1SG Jeffrey Bergeron — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 14:35:35 -0400

Yes, we had one that didn't deploy because of a Thyroid problem.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2014 2:51 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 14:51:07 -0400

Wow! A soldier that did not want to go to the demo range? Isn't that an engineer's dream- to go to the demo range and blow "sh*t" up?

Response by SFC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2014 3:45 PM

SFC(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 15:45:22 -0400

We had a guy in our company that had a profile for wearing a booney cap (in garrison, Ft. Bragg) with every uniform during the hours of sunlight because of a sunburn. This cat got such a hard time from Senior NCOs that he took leave until he was off the profile. To make things worse he got caught not wearing the booney cap while out shopping which resulted in even more unwanted attention. For the rest of the summer he had to report to the BN CSM to put on sunblock three times a day.

Response by MSG Martin C. made Jun 13 at 2014 3:49 PM

MSG Martin C. — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 15:49:08 -0400

I had a Soldier in Iraq get a profile against being around a certain NCO (his squad leader) because of his mental status could not handle the stress brought by the NCO.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2014 4:21 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 16:21:27 -0400

LOL

Response by SSgt Gregory Guina made Jun 13 at 2014 5:00 PM

SSgt Gregory Guina — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 17:00:19 -0400

Had a Marine come back from medical with a chit that said "Limited Use Of Self". Still not sure WTH that means.

Response by CSM Michael J. Uhlig made Jun 13 at 2014 6:05 PM

CSM Michael J. Uhlig — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 18:05:29 -0400

So there we were, it was 1996....at Fort Hood in the great state of Texas....on the eve of going to the field (meaning 1700 the afternoon before rolling to the field)........a less-than-stellar Soldier approaches me with caution and presents a piece of paper folded about 8 times.....written on the sick call slip, the physician wrote......"no walking on uneven terrain"......I chuckled and told the Soldier "that's original, make sure you pack everything according to the packing list" while the PL watched in awe.......I had a great neighbor that worked at the hospital......he let me sign for a wheelchair, the Soldier did not "walk" on uneven terrain.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2014 6:11 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 18:11:50 -0400

Back when I was a S1 worker, I had a co-worker (fellow paper pusher) that got a profile saying that he was allergic to paper, this after a few years doing the job

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2014 6:21 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 18:21:48 -0400

The "no standing in formation for greater than 10 minutes" profiles Roscoe Robinson seems to like issuing just prior to All American Week are particularly annoying.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 13 at 2014 7:03 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 19:03:23 -0400

I knew a guy a few years ago who had a very serious medical condition I won't say what his condition was, but yes it was a legit condition. His profile stated:
No outside work if temperature was greater than 100 degrees or below 65 degrees
No outside work if raining or snowing
PT at own pace and distance (APFT was the only exception, he did every event without alternate or missing events)
No duty lasting longer than 12 hours without 8 hours continuous rest
He had been been found fit for duty after his MEB and that was his profile. Last I saw him he had just made E-6.

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 14 at 2014 6:13 AM

SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 14 Jun 2014 06:13:29 -0400

We have a Soldier now that has to no sweating profile : /

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 14 at 2014 9:04 PM

SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 14 Jun 2014 21:04:17 -0400

My profile is kinda funny. I have a chronic wrist problem. My profile says I can not do push-ups and CAN NOT HOLD FEET FOR SIT-UPS.

Response by 1SG Russell Carey made Jun 15 at 2014 9:44 AM

1SG Russell Carey — Sun, 15 Jun 2014 09:44:43 -0400

So many, there was the , No NBC Chamber because Soldier was known to have a bad reaction to CS.

Doctor gave five days bed rest to a Soldier because they were tired, that spread like wild fire in the unit.

Response by 1SG Shane Hansen made Jun 15 at 2014 10:04 PM

1SG Shane Hansen — Sun, 15 Jun 2014 22:04:39 -0400

The most ridiculous profile I have ever seen came to me 3 hours after I had administered a record APFT for the entire company. We only had one failure and it was a CW2. He just up and quit during the 2 mile run and said he just couldn't do it. He then went to the flight surgeon and returned with a 30 day temp. profile for "fatigue" and that is all it said. No joke. I immediately went into the e-profile system to make certain it was legit and not forged. It was legit to my dismay. I still to this day do not understand it after many meetings with the commander and the flight surgeon about it. The flag stayed on his records until he passed the APFT 2 1/2 months later. Just mind boggling.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 15 at 2014 10:11 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 15 Jun 2014 22:11:49 -0400

1SG BERGERON

I had a SFC Parachute Rigger show up to my battalion with a profile that stated he could only jump HALO chutes, no static line jumps. Very shortly after his arrival he was re-evaluated and cleared to jump static line. Another happy ending for me. Take care.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 16 at 2014 10:13 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:13:28 -0400

We had a profile come back to our clinic on Fort Bragg that said "SM can elect to wear basket ball shorts instead of uniform where he sees fit. No Army PTs." I need that one!

Response by SSG David Hollingshead made Jun 18 at 2014 10:50 PM

SSG David Hollingshead — Wed, 18 Jun 2014 22:50:32 -0400

i have a soldier who actually has a profile that says hes not supposed to drive

and a second who cant do anything including wear a uniform for more than 12 hours. but yet can wear an ACH

Response by CMSgt James Nolan made Jun 19 at 2014 7:25 AM

CMSgt James Nolan — Thu, 19 Jun 2014 07:25:53 -0400

I have a profile that says I have to have copious amounts of coffee! This is something that need not be messed with. HAHA

I am looking for a profile that says that I don't have to do any more computer based training classes! (seriously though, that would be a great one)

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 19 at 2014 8:16 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Jun 2014 08:16:14 -0400

Has anyone ever heard of a 12 hour sleep profile? Because I've came across 3 since arriving here and my response was pretty much the same you're having right now.....WTF!!!!!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2014 12:58 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 12:58:50 -0400

I deal with profiles daily, so I could tell some stories...if HIPAA allowed.

Instead, I'll tell of the most ridiculous document ever entered into a medical record.

A hurt feeling report. Legitimately, a soldier received a hurt feelings report and must have stuck it into his medical jacket, which was then sent to be scanned into HRR, so now he has a hurt feelings report as part of his permanent medical records. Still trying to sort that mess out; soldiers don't really listen when you tell them not to shovel paperwork into their records during events, I suppose.

Response by SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL made Aug 18 at 2014 10:21 AM

SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL — Mon, 18 Aug 2014 10:21:02 -0400

SMDH.....strange!!!!

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 25 at 2014 4:34 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 25 Aug 2014 16:34:28 -0400

So once upon a time I had a subpar Soldier in another company come back from Afghanistan and bolo'd an APFT 6 months later. He didn't want to fail twice and get kicked out, so he went out and got a no APFT profile. Problem was, he miscalculated.
In his laziness, he forgot that with the existing FLAG, he could not reenlist.
He ETS'd 5 months later.

They should make a "no idiot" profile; I'd have fewer stories and a whole lot less grey hair.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Sep 8 at 2014 12:02 AM

SFC Mark Merino — Mon, 08 Sep 2014 00:02:10 -0400

MSG Carl Cunningham I met a similar case. He was sent home from Haiti because he couldn't "take care of business" because of his religion wouldn't allow it. How are you supposed to maintain composure in these situations?

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Sep 8 at 2014 12:05 AM

SFC Mark Merino — Mon, 08 Sep 2014 00:05:31 -0400

1SG Jeffrey Bergeron Why does someone try getting out of a range where you get to blow stuff up? Mind boggling!

Response by SGT Richard H. made Nov 11 at 2014 2:16 PM

SGT Richard H. — Tue, 11 Nov 2014 14:16:00 -0500

I think the most ridiculous profile I've ever seen was my own. I went to the dentist for a toothache in the desert and ended up with him pulling my wisdom teeth....then he wrote me a profile for a week of bed rest, which I asked him to revise and he refused. I pocketed it and drove on. Yes, I violated my profile by about 100%, but honestly, in the sandbox I would have taken an article 15 for it rather than leave my squad for a week.

Response by SSG William Sutter made Dec 1 at 2014 12:00 AM

SSG William Sutter — Mon, 01 Dec 2014 00:00:10 -0500

There are two I have seen- Breath at own pace and a different one for must masterbate three times daily for three weeks.

Response by TSgt Joshua Copeland made Dec 31 at 2014 8:54 PM

TSgt Joshua Copeland — Wed, 31 Dec 2014 20:54:40 -0500

The best one I seen was in AF BMT. It was a no service dress jacket waiver. They didn't have one that was wide enough in the shoulders and narrow enough in the waist (think line backer shoulders with a 28 inch waist). He didn't get one until tech school because it had to be special ordered

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 31 at 2014 10:54 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 31 Dec 2014 22:54:25 -0500

I have problems sleeping among other things due to deployment. Went to Behavioral Health, came out with the weirdest profile I've ever seen so far. It says "Soldier needs 8 hours of rest per 24 hours" and then goes on to state other things. Needless to say, I break my profile every night. lol!

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 31 at 2014 11:17 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 31 Dec 2014 23:17:08 -0500

Back in 2007 when I went to WLC in fort Benning we had a soldier that his profile stating that "can ruck for 15 minutes and rest for 45 minutes and cannot ruck more than 2 miles total. WE had to do a ruck march which I recall was 12k or 9k and one of the SGL's had to be with that soldier the entire time. I think he finished his 2 miles in like 3-4 hours or so.

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 1 at 2015 3:55 AM

SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 01 Jan 2015 03:55:17 -0500

While at OCS, I saw a Soldier with a ZERO pound lifting limit (Deadman's Profile). I asked him how he got dressed in the morning, or ate meals, because doing both of those things entailed picking up something with mass, and therefore would violate that lifting limit. He didn't have an answer for that.

I have also seen a Quarters Slip stating 24 hours bedrest for a sore throat. Really? Take a throat lozenge and drive on.

Response by SSG John M. made Jan 1 at 2015 7:39 PM

SSG John M. — Thu, 01 Jan 2015 19:39:43 -0500

Had a NBC NCO with a No Helmet/No LBE Profile...he ended up med discharged

Response by SSG John M. made Jan 1 at 2015 7:58 PM

SSG John M. — Thu, 01 Jan 2015 19:58:05 -0500

I got a Letter of Reprimand because I had a soldier going to PLDC with a shaving profile, and he ended up getting kicked out. I was a Platoon Sgt in the 82nd, and the soldier's first line supervisor had inspected the Troop and saw the profile the night before but when he showed up for day 1 he had forgot the profile. They asked if he had one he said he left it home they gave him 5 min to get it. So he went out to his car and dry shaved walked back in with a bleeding face and was told he broke his profile and would have to leave. If you get dropped from PLDC the School SGM calls the Corps CSM who Called the Division CSM... I was at my shop when the my 1SG told me with the most colorful words I had ever heard to get my ass up here ASAP. My Battalion CSM, 1SG, Me, the E-5 FLS and the Trooper all had to go see the Division CSM it was not pretty lol... The E-4 Retired a CW4 lol

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 1 at 2015 8:19 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 01 Jan 2015 20:19:21 -0500

I've got a Joe right now coming off a concussion with a profile that says, "Limit activities requiring higher brain functions."

I feel like that Doc doesn't understand how Army works :)

Response by SSG John M. made Jan 1 at 2015 8:35 PM

SSG John M. — Thu, 01 Jan 2015 20:35:19 -0500

The "Best Profile" I ever saw was during the first Desert storm. I was at Ft Hood in a Tradoc Job, Air Assault Instructor. They had us act like Drill Sgts for the Activated NG troops that were sent to Ft Hood to change their MOS so they could fill out the NG units that were going over as Round Out Bde for the active division they were part of . anyway we had a 50 year old 63B that they were turning to an 11B then 11M. Well he shows up for sick call after a week of training and in Big Letters he wrote PAIN on his sick call slip My NCOIC an 11B4V asked him how old he was and he said 50 and then he asked him what MOS he was training he said 11b/m and then he asked him where is the pain and he said everywhere, so my Boss (NCOIC) asked if he need an ambulance or could he walk to the hospital. He just looked so sad and tired, we gave him a ride, and he had every enlisted 11Bs respect lol

Response by PFC Kevin Adrian made Jan 2 at 2015 1:20 PM

PFC Kevin Adrian — Fri, 02 Jan 2015 13:20:05 -0500

1SG I have a question because I have been out since 1983. If this had happened back then the soldier would have been put out for one of two reasons,. Medical or perhaps a psych profile. I mean for goodness sakes, has it gotten to where these guys have figured out a way to get over on Uncle Sam and just float through their time? I mean I understand there are valid reasons for a soldier to have a profile, especially because of combat situations, but if you cannot do the essential functions of the job then change the MOS or let them go. I can only imagine your reaction when you saw that profile Top and I would not have wanted to be in your area. Thank you for your service and God Bless you all.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 2 at 2015 6:36 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 02 Jan 2015 18:36:22 -0500

Sounds like a hard charger!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 2 at 2015 9:57 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 02 Jan 2015 21:57:51 -0500

The most silly profile I have seen is quarters for diarrhea.

Another time a soldier relieved himself while packing a parachute and received three days quarters.

I happened to get some weird bug and had issues but when I went in there the Dr, put "No Airborne Ops" I was like I just need to know what is going on, I have a Jump Master Duty tonight. He said, "What are you going to do?" I stated, " It is a C-17, there is a latrine on board." LOL!

Basically these Civilian's at the treatment facilities ask the Soldier what they want and give it to them. It is Ridiculous! I guess it just takes us as senior leaders to be more creative.

Response by SFC Aaron Finley made Jan 2 at 2015 10:01 PM

SFC Aaron Finley — Fri, 02 Jan 2015 22:01:56 -0500

Couldn't ride in any military vehicle.

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Jan 3 at 2015 5:07 AM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 05:07:53 -0500

1SG JB, I think the silliest profiles that basically say the SM can't do anything but breath. There are some scammers out there and many Soldiers "know the game" of getting profiles to get off the law enforcement cycle but what many of them fail to understand, this gives their fellow battle buddies less days off so they suffer because of abuse of medical profiles.

Response by SSG Tim Everett made Jan 4 at 2015 12:14 AM

SSG Tim Everett — Sun, 04 Jan 2015 00:14:49 -0500

I don't really know of ridiculous profiles, but I've heard the apocryphal "my buddy knew a guy" stories about nothing-but-breathing profiles.

Instead I shall regale you with a tale about my sense of humour. Back in 97-98, Saddam got a number of units to actually get on the plane and start heading his way, over some weapons inspections and treaty violations. The operations were called Desert Fox 1 & 2, and Desert Thunder 1 & 2. Memory is a bit hazy.

Anyway, I was in 3d ID at the time and as soon as the direct-ready brigade was summoned and told to get their stuff packed, all of a sudden we had people left and right going to sick call. And a lot of women were trying to get pregnant. So I made up a sign on an MRE box that said "Will impregnate for money. I PAY YOU!"

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 4 at 2015 3:30 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 04 Jan 2015 03:30:27 -0500

The weirdest profile, I’ve seen was a petroleum suply speclist had a profile that was prohited from working around F24 formally known as JP8 or any other petroleum product.. Believe it or not, He had could not be within 50 feet. So, I had to temporary move him to the orderly room; until his profile was cleared up. However, around 2130, I was getting fuel on post for my wife’s POV and guess who pulled up getting ready to pump gas in his POV. I walked up and told him to stop because he was violating his profile and to move away from the gas station. He was upset because the vehicle was running on fumes and he did’nt want me to pump fuel in his car. So, I told him to park the vehicle and to figure it out. I had nothing to do, so I got myself a snack and stayed waiting on the Soldier’s plan. He was unsuccessful contacting anyone for support. After an hour, he gave in and let me help him out.

Response by SPC Tesha Gaither made Jan 15 at 2015 7:11 PM

SPC Tesha Gaither — Thu, 15 Jan 2015 19:11:43 -0500

Top, I've both seen and had my fair share of profiles. But the biggest problems I saw were the NCO that went behind the SM's back to get the profile changed (And actually got it changed). The NCO that said the SM Meds could be skipped so the soldier could do 24 hour duty (both psychological and heart Meds). Then made the same SM pull call for a week. The SM could not take Meds for a week straight. This soldier had a profile stating that they needed 8 hours of sleep, due to Meds, in a 24 hour period. How do things like that happen? This NCO was an E7. I saw it happen to multiple SM, for multiple reasons.

Response by SrA David Steyer made Feb 3 at 2015 12:48 PM

SrA David Steyer — Tue, 03 Feb 2015 12:48:43 -0500

Some profile stories:

I'm in the Air Force so the system is a little bit different, bear in mind I will try and make this easy to understand. Anyway, I used to sign off on the profiles after the provider does, and depending on what it was for/length/MEB etc I would be the final stop and it would go to the unit. Well one day a Senior Airman (E4) had the balls to take his buddies profile (that was legit and I signed off on, so my name was on it) and he scanned it in the computer, went in paint or photoshop and replaced his buddies name with his and his social with his social. They were both the same unit and same rank. Well, everything is electronically documented so there was no record of the profile, and sometimes if there was erroneous spacing, I'd leave it in just if something like this happens, and sure enough it did.

He only got in hot water as he printed out the photoshopped profile and gave his First Sergeant a copy of the profile and was suspicious due to the name and social being a different font than everything else. A less than stellar PT history with multiple failures and was on his way out the gate may have helped too. I found out he was on his way out the door anyway due to other issues; so he got an Article 15 and discharged ASAP.

Before that, I had a doctor give a profile saying "administrative duties only" due to headache I believe, to a person who's AFSC (MOS) was administrative in nature and their day to day job was administrative. It was deleted. No issues.

Some years prior to that, I had a quite plump AF Captain who got his medical care at an Army post (Fort Belvoir) as he worked there but administratively for Air Force purposes he fell under where I was at previously, at the time Bolling AFB (now Joint-Base Anacostia Bolling) so he came to get his army profile transcribed. Back then you couldn't retrieve your profile at will and you were at your units mercy if they received it (another story for another time, this is getting too long). First time he came in, I transcribed it: No run, fine whatever. Threw a fit he never got it, it was sent to his unit (so he was at their mercy) and finally got one that said "No Walk" and I let my section NCOIC and Profile Officer know there is no reason this guy can't do the walk and they agreed. When I let the Captain know I cannot transcribe it, he actually cried. Never caused a stink after that but I believe later he got a referral officer performance report due to the PT test and may not be in the Air Force anymore.

At my current base which has all branches, I did have an AF doctor send an Army member my way because he didn't want to deal with him; and the doctor was aware in the first place that I didn't do squat with Army profiles and couldn't help this guy. This also realize me that the profile system between the Army and Air Force has one big difference I didn't notice before when dealing with Army profiles. Army profiles can straight up say the diagnosis on the profile. In the Air Force, if you mention the diagnosis where the member and unit can see it, it's a HIPPA violation but in the Army if the diagnosis is listed on the form that's not a HIPPA violation?

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 27 at 2015 11:59 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 27 Mar 2015 11:59:20 -0400

I knew someone with a no sunlight profile because of his light complexion.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 7 at 2016 5:02 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 07 Mar 2016 17:02:29 -0500

when I was HHC commander for a reserve unit at Ft Benning, I had the S1 MAJ show me a profile stating she had "loose stool" and couldn't do the APFT....

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 7 at 2019 11:31 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 07 Jun 2019 11:31:59 -0400

At the ripe old age of 45 I discovered that I had developed an allergy to wool. long story short: during FTX I kept waking up every morning with sinus and chest congestion that would clear up after a couple of hours. Went to TMC and they couldn't find anything wrong with me. Turns out it was the wool army blankets causing it. Documented and I also got a permanent "no beret" profile.