What would be a ridiculous but believable policy someone might create for soldiers to abide by?

SSG (ret) William Martin — Mon, 10 Mar 2014 11:46:43 -0400

<p>Now for something a little less serious - These policies do not exist and I hope will never exist.  The whole point is to create a new rule that is so ridiculous and so reasonable that it would be real by a single stroke of a U.S. Government Skillcraft pen black ink type 1ea.</p><p><br></p><p>I will go first:  </p><p><br></p><p>1. The CG at a certain Army installation has banned the sale of violent video games at the PX and all stores on post.  </p><p><br></p><p>2. A 1SG at a certain Army unit has banned the wear of "skinny" jeans by enlisted members in his unit.  </p><p><br></p><p>3. Service members can not "spike" their hair when in civilians clothes and off duty.</p><p><br></p><p>4. The CG at a certain Army installation has banned Hello Kitty vinyl stickers holding fire arms displayed on automobiles.  </p><p><br></p><p>It's pretty easy.  The more ridiculousness you can think of the better.</p>

Response by SFC James Baber made Mar 18 at 2014 8:31 PM

SFC James Baber — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 20:31:13 -0400

SSG Martin,

What is sad and funny at the same time, is I remember a time back in the 80s at my first duty station in Sill, that #3 was actually a post CDR policy for any establishment on post for Soldiers who were off-duty.

There was also a policy that banned the wearing of speedo's at the installation pool or at the lake near Mt. Scott on Ft Sill as well.

I also remember after Desert Storm that most installation banned thong bathing suits which were very popular in the late 80s as well, not a ridiculous one but it was put into effect Army wide for a few years until the craze just fizzled out.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 18 at 2014 9:02 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 21:02:56 -0400

No stepping on cracks during the hours of 8am and 5pm.

No generators during power outages.

No whispering in Spanish.

No texting while driving a tank.

The part in the middle of your hair must be aligned with your gig-line, no exceptions.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 18 at 2014 9:05 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 21:05:12 -0400

If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush 'er down

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Mar 18 at 2014 9:46 PM

SFC Michael Hasbun — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 21:46:38 -0400

1) The Army is forcing people to wear PT belts while wearing uniforms that were designed to be seen in low light conditions.<div><br></div><div>2) The Army won't let Soldiers put their hands in their pockets, even if it's really cold.</div><div><br></div><div>3) The ability to run from the enemy is more important to promotion chances than your ability to use your weapon.</div><div><br></div><div>4) We are going to promote people without testing them to see if they know their job.</div><div><br></div><div>5) We are going to combat suicides by forcing to sit through enough Powerpoint training that they'll WANT to kill themselves by the end of it.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Wouldn't it be crazy if any of that were true!</div>

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 18 at 2014 11:28 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 23:28:14 -0400

No sign of happiness

Response by LTC Yinon Weiss made Mar 18 at 2014 11:49 PM

LTC Yinon Weiss — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 23:49:50 -0400

1. Speed limit is lowered to 5 MPH everywhere in observation of driving safety.<div><br></div><div>2. PT Belt must be worn while walking around off duty - anywhere.</div><div><br></div><div>3. For security purposes, all installation gates will be closed except for one gate during peak morning and evening traffic hours.</div><div><br></div><div>4. To prevent excessive use of cell phones, and to prove a point, mobile phones can only be used while physically connected to a land line.</div><div><br></div><div>5. For OPSEC purposes, service members will not be able to fly an American flag on their home.</div><div><br></div><div>6. In order to ensure that unit personnel files are up to date, all sensitive administrative info must be lost or destroyed at least once every 6 months, therefore ensuring files get updated at least twice a year with the most current information.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Mar 18 at 2014 11:55 PM

SSG Robert Burns — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 23:55:43 -0400

2LT's saluting 1LT's. Insanity.

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Mar 18 at 2014 11:56 PM

SSG Robert Burns — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 23:56:52 -0400

1.  POV's in the unit parking lot must be "on line".<div>2.  You must dispatch your POV over the weekend and keep a mileage record.</div><div>3.  Due to financial cuts, it's no longer enough to collect the brass after the range, you must also dig up the slugs.</div><div>4.  If you forget your PT belt you must share with your first line supervisor during the run.  (I actually came up with that and did it....hilarious)</div><div>5.  No trays allowed in the DFAC to save money.  </div><div>6.  Article 15 for falling out of fun run.</div><div>7.  No cadence calling on the right foot.</div><div>8.  You must post one Rally Point topic per week.</div>

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 19 at 2014 12:13 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 19 Mar 2014 00:13:37 -0400

1.) All tobacco products to include dip/chew, and cigarettes will not be authorized during duty hours or field exercises.

2.) Due to the lack professional haircuts, all male Soldiers will be required to have their heads clean shaved at all times.

3.) Mustaches are no longer authorized.

4.) CQ & Staff Duty personnel will be required to wear the Army Service Uniform while on duty.

5.) FLU Shots will be given twice a year to every Soldier.

6.) The consumption of Energy Drinks and Caffeine is no longer authorized during the duty day or field exercises.

7.) Dark lens eyepro & sun glasses are not authorized for wear while in uniform.

Response by 1SG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 19 at 2014 12:13 AM

1SG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 19 Mar 2014 00:13:48 -0400

The old 24th INFANTRY Division had a "No Ranger School" policy. Got the slots, wouldn't spend the cash.

Response by SSG James Doherty made Mar 19 at 2014 2:56 AM

SSG James Doherty — Wed, 19 Mar 2014 02:56:30 -0400

Due to budget restraints:

POV's must now be utilized for all field exercises.

POV's will be armored incase of deployment.

POV's are now on the packing list for all deployments.

POV's will be transported to deployed locations at the expense of the owner.

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Mar 19 at 2014 6:07 AM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Wed, 19 Mar 2014 06:07:04 -0400

New rule by the BN CDR: soldiers under the age of 25 will not own or drive turbo charged vehicles due to safety concerns of young Joes and their stupid fast cars.

New rule #2: all SMs will turn over their passwords to their Facebook pages over the S2 for "OPSEC" reasons.

New rule #3: all SMs who have a membership in the NRA will be out on a terrorist/ work violence watch list.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 19 at 2014 8:45 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 19 Mar 2014 08:45:57 -0400

#1 if you talk on your cell phone while in uniform you must face the north, don't know which way north is, you shouldn't be on your cell phone.

#2 All POV colors will be of good taste, according to AR 670-1 bright and non-traditional color vehicles will be impounded by the MPs

#3 When in the presence of a officer, if enlisted you must stand directly of the officer do a half right face and go to parade rest, when called upon in a conversation, attention - half left face - and speak.

#4 Due to budget cuts SMs who provide money for fuel for any military vehicle will be provided an extra main course at dinner, and allowed one free night per month at the nearest holiday inn express

Response by SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 19 at 2014 5:31 PM

SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 19 Mar 2014 17:31:46 -0400

1. All junior enlisted will be forced to wear a pt belt and rape whistle, whilst being within earshot of a senior nco while on post

2. Due to budget restraints, wreckers will not be utilized by mobile units, less absolutely mandatory. When dispatched, the operators will be charged a non-reimbursement fee and must fill up the newly emptied fuel tank on their own dime and time

3. All enlisted must not smile in uniform. Ever.

4. All units; active, guard, reserve, or otherwise will wear full battle-rattle when on leave or home station drills.

5. To reduce DUI's; alcohol is no longer permitted on post, and soldiers will be screened before, after, and during while on duty.

6. Helmets must be worn whenever one is in a moving vehicle while on post; including, but not limited to; tanks, trucks, lmtv, lhs, hmvee, bus, POV's, bicycles, etc...

7. Failing to salute an officer, even during pt, will result in an automatic ART.15 and counseling

8. Due to budget cuts; fines of any kind will be double withing the next year and will rise an additional 15% every year thereafter.

9. Soliders will not be payed till a month after end of duty; and in increments of 25% over the course of 4 years after.

Response by LTC David B. made Mar 19 at 2014 7:37 PM

LTC David B. — Wed, 19 Mar 2014 19:37:38 -0400

1-Bikinis or 2-piece bathing suits are no longer allowed on post. Females must wear a one piece that completely covers the buttocks and has the curtain in front for modesty. Males must wear a one piece that could either be the same as females or resemble "baggy shorts" not tight, and not see-through when wet.....again, for modesty. It's also preferable that males wear a brown or white t-shirt when swimming so not to subject females to the naked upper male body.

2-Cats & dogs are no longer allowed as pets in post housing. Costs of fair wear and tear have increased to unacceptable levels and require this cost-saving measure.

3-Units must provide their own copy and print capability if they decide they want it. Copiers, printers, and the supplies for each will not be purchased with government funds.....again, a cost-saving measure.

4-Child care will no longer be provided on post. Since there is no equal offset for Soldiers without children, it's felt this is the fair and equitable solution....but also a cost-saving measure.

5-POVs are no longer allowed for use on post with 1 exception; commissary shopping. This will increase the exercise level of everyone and reduce traffic accidents, DUIs, and carbon emissions.

Response by SFC Jonathan M. made Mar 19 at 2014 7:37 PM

SFC Jonathan M. — Wed, 19 Mar 2014 19:37:58 -0400

Spouses of service members (male and female) would have to
be counseled by the military spouse. If dual military, the senior member will
conduct counseling. Performance of spouse will be recorded on a counseling form
and substandard performance will be brought up your chain of command. Divorces can be initiated and processed by
your chain of command if it is in the best interest of the military. Your chain
of command can also make the determination to bar you from remarrying (for the
duration of your military career), if they find probable cause.

I was joking to someone about this a few years ago……this is
the real short version.

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 20 at 2014 12:10 AM

SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 20 Mar 2014 00:10:16 -0400

My apologies, I'm not creative enough to come up with any good ones, however, are we sure this post is a good idea? There may be a good idea fairy sitting on someone higher ups shoulder checking this out for new policies to impose. Sadly, most of these asinine policies seem so close to reality. I'm laughing reservedly, thinking, someone may take this and run with it.

Response by WO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 20 at 2014 6:54 AM

WO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 20 Mar 2014 06:54:12 -0400

I started telling Soldiers this week that theres a $10k bonus when you get your first good conduct medal lol. Had a couple of them going for a few days...

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 20 at 2014 7:29 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 20 Mar 2014 07:29:44 -0400

#1: All soldiers E4 and below be required to check in with the units staff duty desk twice a day (once am, and once pm) to ensure that they are staying within the base mileage radius.

#2: All soldiers E6 and below be required to attend an annual board of their MOS peers (but not those in the same battalion) for the purpose of ensuring MOS competency remains high.

#3: If a company commander fails to arrive at the morning PT formation on time, it will become policy for the 1SG to take temporary command of the company, up to and including the right to conduct corrective physical training for the delinquent officer.

#4: In off duty, social situations, Call of Duty rank will supersede actual military rank.

#5: Completion of WLC entitles a junior enlisted the courtesy of of all other non graduates to stand at parade rest when addressing a graduate.

If I think up any more ridiculousness I'll add to this, but this has been a fun intellectual game to play for the past fifteen or so minutes.

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Mar 20 at 2014 8:33 AM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Thu, 20 Mar 2014 08:33:59 -0400

1. JROTC students will be saluted.

2. Enlisted SMs must bow to officers.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 5 at 2014 8:47 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 05 Apr 2014 20:47:37 -0400

1. PT belts will be worn when off duty and when on leave.

2. Defensive driving course will be required for any off-post soldier operating a riding mower. If the lawn is greater than 1/2 acre, the Soldier must file a travel plan in T.R.I.P.S. before mowing.

3. Eyebrow hairs will not exceed 2 millimeters in length and will conform to A, B, and C lines.

4. The Patrol Cap will be replaced by a piece of black wool that cannot be placed on the head with one hand, requires shaving, and absorbs heat like a Shamwow. (Just kidding, the Army would never do that...)

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 25 at 2014 7:47 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 19:47:31 -0400

1. Before every meal Soldiers must recite the Soldier's Creed.

2. Before NCODP every NCO will recite the NCO Creed.

3. In order to track every Soldier for accountability purposes every Soldier must swipe their CAC when they enter each building and room and when they leave.

4. To save money all Soldiers must turn off all electricity and run "green" generators what were just developed to power the buildings for three days a week.

5. All DONSA and pay day activities will be cancelled to save money; whilst nobody can provide justification of how it will do just that.

6. Companies will have to provide their own wifi for the units.

7. The Army will develop seven different uniforms to wear for each day as to ensure that everyone knows what day it is.

8. Stateside every Soldier will wear gas mask on their left leg every other Thursday.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 22 at 2014 1:48 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 13:48:20 -0400

I have to say I agree with the 1SG and the skinny jeans. Just think of the medical cost when the soldiers find out they have caused irrevocable damage to their reproductive organs.

Response by SSG Kevin McCulley made Aug 22 at 2014 8:49 PM

SSG Kevin McCulley — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 20:49:11 -0400

Done pilots can get a medal that rates high than the bronze star.

Response by CPT Jacob Swartout made Aug 22 at 2014 8:58 PM

CPT Jacob Swartout — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 20:58:09 -0400

The CG's new policy is that all military personnel (regardless of rank and position) on post will have a Camelbak to prevent becoming a heat casualty. They will drink water from it all day.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Aug 22 at 2014 9:02 PM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 21:02:30 -0400

I'm going to steal one from "SGT Bilko", I want my name mowed into the parade field lawn on my birthday.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Aug 22 at 2014 9:05 PM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 21:05:24 -0400

Any SM can wear any camo duty uniform from any branch, so long as the correct rank and branch of service tapes are used. "So let it be written...So let it be done."

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Aug 22 at 2014 9:14 PM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 21:14:15 -0400

All units will be issued a highly specialized and trained Chimpanzee by MTOE for day to day tasks and in the evening, the chimpanzee will go home with the 1SG. One detail to that rule, the Chimpanzee will NEVER hold or handle a fire arm or be allowed near fire arms with ammunition near. I saw that one video. Also, the Chimpanzee will be one rank higher than the handler.

Response by LTC Paul Labrador made Aug 22 at 2014 9:20 PM

LTC Paul Labrador — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 21:20:27 -0400

Actually, except for #1, I would actually support all of those....

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 22 at 2014 9:46 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 21:46:26 -0400

The Army, in an effort to pander to each individual, will change it's hair policy every two weeks to allow Soldiers the ability to wear faddish hairstyles. This will serve to keep all CSMs gainfully employed beyond their normal scope of keeping Soldiers off the grass.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 22 at 2014 9:55 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 21:55:05 -0400

The "Brony Patch" is not authorized with wear of Army uniform.
The reflective belt cannot be substituted for subdued tan ACU belt.
"Bling" is not an authorized color for female fingernails.

Response by SSG Keith Evans made Aug 22 at 2014 10:27 PM

SSG Keith Evans — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 22:27:57 -0400

1. Army camo patterns will change every five years, to keep the enemy guessing.
2. To present a professional image, no Soldier in uniform will smile during photographs.
3. The Nominative CSM position will hold an officers commission for the duration of the nominative tour. SM's in these positions will be afforded a hand salute, as will their spouses.

Response by CPT Jacob Swartout made Aug 22 at 2014 10:33 PM

CPT Jacob Swartout — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 22:33:38 -0400

CG puts out a policy letter listing all fast food restaurants are off limits until further notice. These restaurants will be permitted to eat in again once body fat percentages decrease in all units.

Response by 1LT Nick Kidwell made Aug 23 at 2014 12:03 AM

1LT Nick Kidwell — Sat, 23 Aug 2014 00:03:56 -0400

Effective Immediately: Any derelict POVs on post will be impounded and used as mounted gunnery targets. For the purposes of this directive, the term "derelict" will refer to a vehicle that a) has not been in functional order for over three (3) months, b) has not been or cannot be licensed/registered according to the DMV local to the post, and/or c) the post CSM has deemed the vehicle to be a certified piece of crap and he just wants to shoot it.

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Aug 23 at 2014 3:27 AM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Sat, 23 Aug 2014 03:27:00 -0400

Due to low recruiting requirement, all new recruits must possess a bachelor's degree

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 23 at 2014 7:32 AM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 23 Aug 2014 07:32:01 -0400

50 shades of camo is THE ONLY makeup authorized on base. That includes for dependents

Depending on spousal rank, dependents must salute officers (or more senior officers) as well

Dependents must participate in a dependent PFT consisting of formation run with other dependents in order to live on base

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Sep 20 at 2014 9:37 PM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Sat, 20 Sep 2014 21:37:29 -0400

The Army will now issue power generators to units for field use to save money on fuel because the generators will be powered by class 2 deposits. 1SGs will in courage Soldiers to poo their problems away.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 20 at 2014 9:43 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 20 Sep 2014 21:43:04 -0400

I like #2 and #3 in the original post...

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 25 at 2018 6:38 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:38:14 -0400

SSG (ret) William Martin - The Army will not require civilian personnel to salute military personnel.

As crazy as that would be, the Army not requiring a civilian to salute, that is sadly a real regulation.

“AR 600-25, ch 1-5 (g). Civilian personnel, to include civilian guards, are not required to render the hand salute to military personnel or other civilian personnel.”

As worded, it seems like a high ranking someone’s spouse got her tail feathers all ruffled when a civilian gate guard didn’t salute her. And made an issue of it. Loudly enough, but lost hard enough, to the point where it had to become a regulation to end the matter.

And while while it’s awkwardly worded, seemingly informing civilians of what they already know (and what the Army really has no authority to regulate, civilian customs and courtesies) the message is clear. ‘Soldiers; don’t expect salutes from civilians. Even the gate guards.”

Response by SPC Craig Hashimoto made Jan 28 at 2019 11:31 AM

SPC Craig Hashimoto — Mon, 28 Jan 2019 11:31:03 -0500

PT belts and saluting officers downrange...

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 28 at 2019 12:48 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 28 Oct 2019 12:48:32 -0400

all E4 and below MUST take 2 weeks R&R leave during deployment. Our company CO tried to pull that one our last deployment and the BN CO was going to back him up. I had several soldiers complain to me about it because they wanted to save their leave for when we got home. I called them out on it and, after nearly being counselled for "undermining command authority", got it rescinded with one simple phone call to JAG....