When a Soldier comes to you and tells you they are having trouble in their personal life, do you counsel and call it complaining?

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 03 Apr 2015 00:56:23 -0400

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 3 at 2015 12:57 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 03 Apr 2015 00:57:57 -0400

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 3 at 2015 1:34 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 03 Apr 2015 01:34:29 -0400

Absolutely not, personal life can (and often does) affect work performance. As leaders we are hear to mentor and guide. Part of being a leader is knowing your Soldiers and getting them help when required. If they trust you enough to open up and tell you what is going on then be the leader they trust and get them help before things get worse.

I can understand possibly counseling if it is an ongoing issue and they have not taken your advise/directives, but initially, leaders need to sit down with Soldiers, discuss the issue, and come up with a solution.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Apr 3 at 2015 8:12 AM

Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS — Fri, 03 Apr 2015 08:12:31 -0400

If a junior trusts you enough to share things that happen outside our normal realm of influence (the military), we should listen.

This doesn't mean they aren't complaining, but complaining has it's place as well. "Venting" helps alleviate stress, and makes an unbearable situation manageable. Additionally, sometimes just saying the words out loud opens up new avenues for solutions.

They may also need advice from someone who is more experienced, or who they think may have gone through something similar, or seen something similar in the past. As "examples" they are trying to emulate us.

Finally, there may be a "real" problem. Something that will absolutely affect performance, which you and the command need to be aware of. If a troop is going through a divorce, having a baby, has a sick member, etc, sometimes we (the institution) need to make accommodations.

It's been my experience that we complain vocally & publicly among our peer group (laterally), but if they escalate a "complaint" up & Privately, it's more a "call for help." Just because the situation is easy for us, doesn't make it not complex for them, as they don't have the same knowledge sets. They may not know where to find the solution, and you are the first step on the path to that goal.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 3 at 2015 8:46 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 03 Apr 2015 08:46:24 -0400

No way, and woe unto the NCO under me that does.
A Soldier coming to you is a sign of trust - it means that you are doing something right as a leader. Turning them away or worse, counseling them for having the audacity to bring a personal issue to you is not how a leader takes care of Soldiers.

Response by MSgt Michael Durkee made Apr 3 at 2015 9:15 AM

MSgt Michael Durkee — Fri, 03 Apr 2015 09:15:55 -0400

Absolutely not, it is paramount that troops can trust their supervision at all times. While supervisors may not have all the answers immediately, they should be able to assist their subordinates with agencies that can help if need be. Sometimes a compassionate ear can lift the weight of the world.

Response by GySgt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 3 at 2015 9:48 AM

GySgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 03 Apr 2015 09:48:26 -0400

On the inside I roll my eyes, and cuss out his father. In reality though, go someplace private, get as much detail as possible offer advice and try to figure out a course of action to correct whatever the problem may be. Also so long as they aren't breaking the law, and don't present a credible threat to themselves or others, it doesn't go beyond the two of us.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 3 at 2015 12:51 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 03 Apr 2015 12:51:58 -0400

Cant help but wonder... does this actually happen? If it does, sounds like there is a leader that is dire need of counseling.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 3 at 2015 1:01 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 03 Apr 2015 13:01:54 -0400

Before I answered this I went ahead and read all the other responses. I notice two things. One is no one asked for more information. Soldiers and the issues they have are never as cut and dry as yes or no. Does this Soldier always have personal problems or is it the first time they have came to you. Are they coming to you because they hope to get help or because they hope that making you feel sorry will prevent them from getting in trouble for something else. Taking care of Soldiers is always important. Sometimes that means being the guy that counsels them. That brings me to the second thing no one has brought up. What is wrong with counseling? It doesn't have to involve anything negative, it doesn't even have to be on paper. Counseling is a positive thing. Sometimes it is a corrective tool but it is still a positive thing. It is there to help guide Soldiers whether it is preventive or reactive. Counseling is positive always.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 3 at 2015 1:23 PM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 03 Apr 2015 13:23:37 -0400

What were you trying to get out of?