Posted on Dec 21, 2019
When you realize your kids are in their 30s and do not want to get married because you are so dear to them, what do you do?
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After many years of hardships, my son and I are a close knit family. Once he could not wait to get out of my presence and declared he would never marry a woman like me. Time has zoomed by and he is still telling me when my health is better he will do some things. I am fine; I have Auron. He has his own life, a college degree, his own money, a steady job, good coworkers, the few friends he chooses are nice people, so RP parents, what is his dilemma?
Family
Children
Marriage
Posted 5 y ago
Responses: 5
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You have to stop being that safe spot in his life. Now that he's an adult you have to move that relationship away from mother/son and towards something more like friend/mentor. In order to do that you have to have your own life, lifestyle, activities that you share just between you and your significant other. Basically, you have to freeze him out a bit. And of course, his own place.
If you've done all that, it's not you, it's him. He doesn't want to get married and you're a convenient excuse why. Maybe he's gay, maybe he's asexual, Mayne he's scared to death of losing half his wealth in a divorce.
If you've done all that, it's not you, it's him. He doesn't want to get married and you're a convenient excuse why. Maybe he's gay, maybe he's asexual, Mayne he's scared to death of losing half his wealth in a divorce.
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SFC (Join to see)
PO3 Phyllis Maynard it sounds like a failure to launch. You may see his residence as separate but what makes us grow is the struggle.
Simply put, he has a very comfortable life and he has absolutely no incentive to change that.
Simply put, he has a very comfortable life and he has absolutely no incentive to change that.
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PO3 Phyllis Maynard
SFC (Join to see) what in tarnation do you suggest I do, you know just throwing out an opinion. Do I do what Matthew McConaughey's character's parents did? What's left?
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SFC (Join to see)
PO3 Phyllis Maynard well, he doesn't sound like a jerk or anything, so you don't have to just kick him out lol.
Talk to him, tell him you're doing something else with the space and he's got to move out. Give him a firm date with a reasonable amount of time. Maybe offer to pay the security deposit on his first place if he doesn't have the funds. However you do it, it's imperative to change the dynamic between you two of you mothering him or coming to his rescue in the future. Trust me down the road he will thank you when he is leading his own life and you'll be proud of the man you raised.
Talk to him, tell him you're doing something else with the space and he's got to move out. Give him a firm date with a reasonable amount of time. Maybe offer to pay the security deposit on his first place if he doesn't have the funds. However you do it, it's imperative to change the dynamic between you two of you mothering him or coming to his rescue in the future. Trust me down the road he will thank you when he is leading his own life and you'll be proud of the man you raised.
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A mother figure. A mother hen that when he was growing up smothered him. His need to find a woman that won't smother him.
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PO3 Phyllis Maynard
TSgt George Rodriguez I was a helicopter mom. But there are plenty of "totally not me" to choose from. I'm trying to marry him off. He's not a hen pecked son. Sometimes, I have to tell him to go bark with the alley cats and get out of my face. :0). Maybe I need to ditch the gourmet cooking and just leave spam in the refrigerator.
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TSgt George Rodriguez
PO3 Phyllis Maynard - You can be smothered without being hen pecked. His knowing you all his life, and comparing other women to you and not finding one who will be your equal, he will continue his search until he finds what he wants.
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TSgt George Rodriguez
PO3 Phyllis Maynard - Your welcome and God Bless you and enjoy him while you still have him as there will come a time when he will not be there.
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You are not responsible for his actions.
Perhaps he doesn't want to get married. I'm 32 and not married. I do not plan to get married. I do not want to get married. I do not see a point in marriage.
Perhaps he doesn't want to get married. I'm 32 and not married. I do not plan to get married. I do not want to get married. I do not see a point in marriage.
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PO3 Phyllis Maynard
SPC Stewart Smith I wasn't trying to control his actions. As an only child, my heart breaks to think he has no immediate family to call his own. And yes, he simply may not want to get married. At one point in my life 16 to 40 I wanted to get married, but I don't want to get married now. I like my life the way it is. But I at least have him, my family.
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SPC Stewart Smith
PO3 Phyllis Maynard - My apologies. I don't mean to come across as though you are trying to control him. What I am saying is that HE is responsible for his actions. It is not your fault that he is not getting married. It is not your fault that he cares about you. There is no responsibility on your shoulders for him not getting married.
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PO3 Phyllis Maynard
SPC Stewart Smith oh, thank you kindly. I do understand. He is an exceptional young man, as I am sure you are. I guess he knows what he is doing.
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