Where is the line between Tact and Sarcasm?

2015-05-16T04:50:27-04:00

Many times I have been told my actions leading up to an AR-15 where correct, but that my words are what made me wrong. By exercising tact, almost every one of my AR-15 could have been avoided. But to someone like me, who's always been blunt and to the point, how can you tell yourself when your being tactful, or if your just talking back?

I'll be the first to admit, I wasn't the greatest soldier. I spoke my mind, I took everything personally, I didn't take the time to build any kind of support base to fall back in times of duress. So when an NCO tells me to do something that seems erroneous, asinine, or nonsensical, I would try to explain myself and find out "why?". The problem? No matter how much I try tact, it never seems to work, but when I'm blunt and express myself directly I'm considered disrespectful.

I believe this a question that is relevant to all ranks, officer and enlisted, as well for transition to the civilian world. What do you have to say?

Response by 1SG Steven Stankovich made May 16 at 2015 4:55 AM

2015-05-16T04:55:51-04:00

Tact, sarcasm, and disrespect. There is a fine line between all three, however I believe that it takes maturity, by both parties, to understand the difference. There is a time and place for everything. There is a time to speak your mind, ask the "why," and to be blunt. There is also a time to do as you're told, roll up your sleeves, and get to work. Just because you are not explained the "why" or can understand the end state does not mean that something is "erroneous, asinine, or nonsensical." Time and place and maturity.

Response by PO1 John Miller made May 16 at 2015 5:07 AM

2015-05-16T05:07:01-04:00

I second what 1SG Steven Stankovich said. There are times when it is best/would behoove you to keep your trap shut and do as you're told. Many times, a good leader will willingly explain to you the "why" of the task AFTER you've completed it.

Also, remember that in some circumstances decisions have to be made on the fly and orders have to be carried out unquestionably and immediately. Then is NOT a good time to ask "why?"

However, if you are being told to do something illegal, and especially if you've got the documentation to back you up, stand your ground but do it RESPECTFULLY.

Example: I was Information Assurance Manager (IAM) and senior systems administrator on my last ship. We had a ship's policy in place that access to web-based email (Yahoo, Google, etc.) was strictly prohibited and we had it in writing. Due to my position, I had the authority to go straight to my Commanding Officer (but I never actually had to and if I did I would still have used my chain of command) with those types of problems.

I had a Lieutenant (O-3) ORDER me to unblock Yahoo mail because he wanted to "send something to his shipboard email account." I politely refused even when he started yelling at me and calmly explained "Sir, I have instructions signed by the CO to the contrary of what you're ordering me to do. With respect I cannot and refuse to do as you order." He threatened me some more, I showed him the instructions. I even gave him options such as, waiting to send the email until he had access to a computer that could connect to web-based mail. I also asked if he had the document already in his Yahoo did he have a smart phone that he could use to email the document in question. He gave me the impression that he thought I was stupid and my suggestions had no merit. I then had to tell him, "Sir, should we contact the CO and explain your orders?" By this time my immediate chain was aware of the situation, my Senior Chief and my Division Officer (O-1 Ensign). He backed down. He knew I was right, because I never once lost my composure and I had the backing of my CO and the instruction.

Response by SSG Roger Ayscue made May 16 at 2015 5:12 AM

2015-05-16T05:12:40-04:00

If your intent is to cloud an answer to the point that the Senior that you say it to could take it more than one way, OR if it is meant to be a Smart-assed answer, then that has crossed the line. tact is being able to say what you want and normally if you position has merit, you will be seen as such, but if it is just Sarcastic, you could be passing out free R&R in Hawaii all expenses paid and most will not listen to you.

One way, you are valued as a member of the unit, because even though it may be unpleasant at times, the senior values your input and opinion, the other way, they dread you making a sound other than breathing and moving away from them.

Response by PFC Kyle Klofstad made May 16 at 2015 5:19 AM

2015-05-16T05:19:38-04:00

These are very good responses, but I feel I should expand just a hair. I believe that combat environments such as deployments, field exercises, and ranges, are hands down a no questions area with the soul exception of illegal, immoral, or unethical orders. I should have been more precise for the kinds of situations I intended. I'm more interesting how it applies to classroom settings, barracks training, NCO time, and sometimes just a difference in opinion with a superior. I believe that in many of these cases, knowing why something is done the way that is can help those involve do it better because they have a slightly better understanding of the task.

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 16 at 2015 5:20 AM

2015-05-16T05:20:54-04:00

I have had times where I was let go with a slap on the wrist because I lost my cool with a superior, ONLY because I was not known as the guy who had to question everything. Once you become known as the guy who has to question everything or have a battle over everything you are told, superiors will pretty much skip over whether or not you have a legitimate gripe and see it as simple backtalk. Pick your battles (few and far between), and the battles you do have will be far simpler.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made May 16 at 2015 6:59 AM

2015-05-16T06:59:16-04:00

Tact is telling a person to go to Hell in a way that makes them look forward to the trip.

Response by SSG Donald Mceuen made May 16 at 2015 7:24 AM

2015-05-16T07:24:24-04:00

Ya i got lucky the troops i was with all had the same problem.
So you have to stop and think before you speak.
The person you are taking with how do they look or speak
if you can figure that then you pick if they can take the truth
or do you need to tone it down. It has taken me awhile and
i still talk my mind but after all these years i have found walk
softly and when the time is right then let them have it.

Response by SGT David T. made May 16 at 2015 8:59 AM

2015-05-16T08:59:06-04:00

I had this same problem when I was in. By nature I am very blunt and to the point. I often asked why we were doing things that made no sense. What I found was a better way to word it would be to ask what the intent of the task is so I can make sure I perform it to the best way possible.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made May 16 at 2015 9:18 AM

2015-05-16T09:18:47-04:00

I would say the line is fine between both but from the leader point of view it would go back to knowing your Soldiers. This is a perception thing and if you know the Soldier you will know how to take it. On that sarcasm is easily taken as disrespect.

Response by Capt Richard I P. made May 16 at 2015 9:34 AM

2015-05-16T09:34:31-04:00

Everyone gets told to shut up and color at some point in their service. As long as it's not about safety or tactical success, shutting up and coloring is tact. Refusing to bears consequences.

Response by SFC Christopher Perry made May 16 at 2015 2:04 PM

2015-05-16T14:04:45-04:00

Honesty, it worries me that you referenced the fact that you had recieved more than one that could have been avoided by simply changing your tone or approach. I have always been blunt and have always spoken my mind. It sounds as though there may in fact be some underlying factors here. I seriously suggest a self referral to behavioral health. I recognized the fact that things were getting a bit out of hand for me a while back and did exactly that. I can tell you that it was fully supported by the CoC and helped me a whole lot.

Response by SFC Christopher Perry made May 16 at 2015 2:09 PM

2015-05-16T14:09:59-04:00

Let me add the fact that I did over 13 years and never got myself in trouble one time. One must realize that one enlisted in the military. This means you have to be able to draw the line and realize when to keep your moth shut and exacute. It is simply not your place to deside what orders are stupid or meaningless.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made May 16 at 2015 2:27 PM

2015-05-16T14:27:14-04:00

If you had multiple Article 15s, you apparently have difficulty in knowing that tact and sarcasm to seniors bring smoke!

Response by Cpl Rc Layne made Dec 4 at 2015 8:50 PM

2015-12-04T20:50:23-05:00

The first thing you need to understand is that you don't need to always understand the whys of everything. Sometimes you just need to do what you are told to do and let it go. If you can't do that, it's your good name that you are ruining.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 18 at 2018 7:00 PM

2018-04-18T19:00:49-04:00

I had to learn Tact. When I first came in I had absolutely none and I swear it had to be God that kept me from an AR-15 or any negative counselings. I mean I would go toe to toe with 1sg, SFC,SGT anybody who I felt disrespected me. But it was never about me not wanting to work thought it was always about being bluntly disrespected as a person and as a soldier. I believe in the phrase “you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar”. You can get a soldier to do things they clearly don’t want to do when you are respectful and you treat them with respect but when you blatantly disrespect them and belittle them you lower the morale and cause unnecessary friction. I always tell NCO’s that. And I tell my battles that’s it’s okay to stand up for yourself you deserve respect and tact as well. If you feel like your are being demeaned let that NCO know in a respectful way and if he/she is not receptive then it’s time to go over his/her head. I learned how to chew ppl a new asshole in the most respectful and intellectual way. I recently had to tell an NCO that he needed to learn how to lead from the front and not the rear meaning we lead by example and all he could say was roger. You can’t berate soldier for doing things that you yourself do that’s the wrong answer! True NCO’s earn their subordinates respect and confidence. I’m not seeing NCO’s live up to the NCO creed... thankfully I have been fortunate to run into one in my section and she inspires me everyday and I aim to be that kind of NCO!

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Apr 18 at 2018 9:57 PM

2018-04-18T21:57:32-04:00

Went it lacks respect- you crossed the line.

Response by LTC Stephan Porter made Feb 24 at 2021 12:45 AM

2021-02-24T00:45:20-05:00

I’m not sure they are really in the same spectrum.

Rude, disrespectful, and disobedient behavior or speech care all wrong; sarcasm is on the other end if the spectrum from that.

Just my $.02!!

Response by Maj John Bell made Feb 24 at 2021 6:06 PM

2021-02-24T18:06:12-05:00

Tact is intended to help.
Sarcasm is intended to demean.
Tact is discrete.
Sarcasm isn't.