COL Private RallyPoint Member 16935 <div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Soldiers get upset with their leadership on a daily basis, but what happens when a Soldier gets personally offended by his or her leadership?  2013-12-07T14:38:33-05:00 COL Private RallyPoint Member 16935

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Soldiers get upset with their leadership on a daily basis, but what happens when a Soldier gets personally offended by his or her leadership? 

2013-12-07T14:38:33-05:00 2013-12-07T14:38:33-05:00 CPT Private RallyPoint Member 16941

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Sir,&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;It&#39;s all the same to me. I call it boy crying wolf syndrome. if a soldier is upset by everything, nothing they complain&amp;nbsp; about matters. Same with those who are too thin skinned for this profession of Arms. &lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;Now a solid soldier who is upset at something, or personally offended; that will get my attention, and may cause a change in behavior/policy/culture., but a lot depends on the credibility of the offended soldier.&lt;br&gt;

2013-12-07T14:44:49-05:00 2013-12-07T14:44:49-05:00 SGM Matthew Quick 16946

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Not sure the context of &#39;worse&#39; (worse for unit morale?, worse for leaders to deal with?, worse for Soldiers concerned?, etc.)&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;Soldiers will get upset...it&#39;s human nature. &amp;nbsp;It&#39;s like kids not getting their way or not understanding the reasons for decisions.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;When Soldiers are personally offended, something could have been done/said differently and addressed immediately.&lt;br&gt;

2013-12-07T14:54:25-05:00 2013-12-07T14:54:25-05:00 1LT Private RallyPoint Member 16948

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>An upset Soldier may have a legitimate grievance that can be redressed.&amp;nbsp; An offended Soldier has been hurt on a personal level and that is a lot more difficult to fix.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;Example:&amp;nbsp; I had a PT stud, technical &amp;amp; tactical wizard, super leader, with a moral compass fixed on true north of an NCO in my course as a student recently.&amp;nbsp; He related how he graduated WLC and was approached by a very senior senior leader and told to his face that he should be chaptered out of the Army because he has tattoos (no neck or hand stuff) and that means he is not a proper leader.&amp;nbsp; He took Commandant&#39;s List that graduation.&lt;br&gt;How do you fix that in a junior leader?&amp;nbsp; How do you get them to re-commit after someone tells them to their face that they&#39;re scum regardless of what they have been doing or are doing for the Army for things that are perfectly within the law?&lt;br&gt;

2013-12-07T14:56:31-05:00 2013-12-07T14:56:31-05:00 SFC Michael Hasbun 16956

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>It's hard to answer this generically, it all depends on situational context...

2013-12-07T15:13:10-05:00 2013-12-07T15:13:10-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 17961

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Sir, I believe Open communication is the key in order to avoid misunderstandings, and it should be done laterally, up and down. From Leaders to Soldiers and also from Soldiers to Leaders. Leaders will not be liked most of the time when they enforce standards and set the example, however some Leaders want to be liked. When RESPECT is lost and DOUBLE STANDARDS are created, then our profession as a whole will offend those that serve in it.

2013-12-09T11:01:37-05:00 2013-12-09T11:01:37-05:00 MAJ Private RallyPoint Member 17985

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I think some leaders use the idea of military discipline or military attitude as a smoke-screen for them just being jerks. I have never had to yell at someone as a leader. Never. Likewise, I have never had an issue with a Soldier's trust or confidence in me. Now, to be fair, I'm a OSUT commander; I deal with Drill Sergeants who are, more often than not, more disciplined than the average joe, and I have no privates. However, were I ever to offend a Soldier, I have no problem apologizing. Someone's intent doesn't matter; a Soldier who is offended is still offended whether you wanted him/her to be or not. 

2013-12-09T12:36:44-05:00 2013-12-09T12:36:44-05:00 CW2 Joseph Evans 17997

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Sir,&lt;br&gt;I don&#39;t know. Wish I could ask LTC Tisdale his take on what happens when a Soldier feels singled out and has exhausted his options...&lt;br&gt;The problem is the human equation. A leadership environment that fails to consider the strength of character or lack there of when dealing with Soldiers and Officers is asking for serious trouble.&lt;br&gt;When the leadership focuses on core values and operates with the utmost of integrity, generally, the morale is such that even the weak will strive to be better people.&lt;br&gt;When a command climate gives the appearance of being rife with hypocrisy, corrupt and self-serving, even the best of us stop caring.&lt;br&gt;When any leader in a chain of command displays lack of character and it is not quickly addressed, there are problems. If they are abusive to troops and the command is &quot;unaware&quot;, it creates a perception of complicity.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;The greatest tool ever created for a Commander is his open door policy, but we have created an aura about its use that discourages it, since no one likes a whistle blower. The candor for which NCOs are supposed to be known for has been stifled as well.&lt;br&gt;These days, the only option a CDR really has anymore to fully evaluate his command is to get out of the office and meet and greet their lowest echelon.&lt;br&gt;

2013-12-09T13:01:32-05:00 2013-12-09T13:01:32-05:00 1SG Steven Stankovich 18001

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div><p>Sir, I believe that a personally offended Soldier is worse that an upset Soldier.  An upset Soldier is just that, upset.  Whether the Soldier is upset about PT formation being too early, being corrected for a uniform infraction, upset because 1SG yelled at everyone, etc.  Upset is just that, upset.  The Soldier will get over it.  He/she may need to be sat down to explain a "bigger" picture so that Soldier has another perspective on why he/she is upset.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A Soldier who is personally offended is a different story.  I believe that it is important to get to the root cause of what offended the Soldier.  It could be something like foul language or something higher on the spectrum like EO, EEO or SHARP.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Soldiers are individuals and there are times when they must be treated as such.  Dealing with an upset or a offended Soldier is one of those times.  Leaders must get into the weeds and know and understand their Soldiers.  That is not babying or coddling, it is taking care of our Nations most prized resource, the ones who choose to serve.</p>

2013-12-09T13:10:26-05:00 2013-12-09T13:10:26-05:00 SSG Laureano Pabon 18095

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div><p>Sir if I my, allow me to express myself in this way.</p><p>If my son where upset, he is upset because something happened that he didn't agree with. </p><p>Its my job to find out why he was up set so I can negotiate with him in to the reasons why. If I am unable to negotiate then he will remain upset but he will get over it.</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p>If I personally offend him, I'm offending his personality. Every one has a personality.</p><p>The personality is that part of a person that is what he is. </p><p>Its what he thinks himself to be. The interesting thing about the personality is that with in, he is correct regardless if they may be wrong in the eyes of others. In that persons eyes he is correct.</p><p>So if I see a situation, say he takes or does something wrong, and I call them @#@@#, for it, I didn't address the problem I insulted his personally and not the problem. in other word I address him as the problem and not the situation.</p><p>This is something that can lead towards resentment towards the one who did the insult, and can lead to a lack of trust and lost of communications with the one who did the insult. </p><p>When two people fail to communicate with each other, they tend to speak in bad ways behind each other back. And if they do communicate it will be more disrespectful talk.</p><p><br></p><p>Thing with this is that if the soldier is upset all the time, perhaps he was offended before his NCO said what he said.</p><p>But this is inconclusive in that I really don't know all the facts. </p><p>So for me offending the personality is more damaging then someone whom is upset.</p>

2013-12-09T17:38:34-05:00 2013-12-09T17:38:34-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 18199

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div><p>Sir, </p><p>   My thoughts on the matter come from a number of experiences with these two exact emotions. First thing is, our Junior Soldiers have a sense of entitlement that we never had. Second, when a Soldier is truly offended they shut off. Upset, they at least perform the task at hand. I just had a SGT of mine tell me "You can only get kicked in the nuts so many times" He was referring to his Section Chief not recommending him for promotion because of negative counseling throughout the month. This persisted for more than 5 months, and he felt as though he was being "nit-picked" so that he would NEVER get promoted. As a result he kind of folded until he and I spoke about WHY he wasn't being recommended.</p><p> </p><p>   I say offended is the worst.</p>

2013-12-09T21:16:30-05:00 2013-12-09T21:16:30-05:00 Capt Ed Yong 18366

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div><p>It's not always a clear cut line.  The way things are today, there are too many people who think they are offended by the little things.  If I have a Bible on my desk, there are some who will call that offensive.  Or, are they upset that I am not their style of belief?  If I go back many years, I got called many interesting names including names that mocked my ancestry.  Should I have been upset or offended?  To me those words are interchangeable.</p><p> </p><p>What is the context?  Do you mean offended as something that a grudge would be held?  And, upset being just a passing emotion?  I never held a grudge even though those kinds of words said to me back then would now be something that someone would lose their job.</p><p> </p><p>Offended (holding the grudge) would be worse than upset (passing emotion).  But, too many people get "offended" too easily that the word gets watered down.  Different people have different breaking points.  You start off being upset and then somewhere it crosses the line into offensiveness.</p>

2013-12-10T01:07:32-05:00 2013-12-10T01:07:32-05:00 CPT Keith Steinhurst 18423

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Interesting question . . . I have some annecdotes to share: (1) Open Door Policy - I maintain one, not so much so that folks can darken my doorway with minutiae, but so that I can keep an eye on what's going on in the Command; (2) Trust your NCOs, but count everything yourself; (3) Rock, paper, rank - can be an effective tool when used appropriately; (4) Feelings, like opinions, everyone has them, and in an operational environment, unless you are the Commander, they are irrelevant; (5) Bosses - everyone has them, in the military, few are fortunate enough to be able to choose thiers, learn to live with the disappointment. To this I would add that there are three masters that folks who aspire to lead should read (and try to understand): Sun Tzu, Machiavelli, and v.Clausewitz; the first will teach common sense, the second how to focus it, and the third, how to remain centered(even in chaos) - all of them are useful. Bottom line, it is a good thing to be loved by your subordinates (and most of mine thought I was a great leader) but if the choice is between being loved or being feared, take the latter - it makes hard decisions easier.

2013-12-10T08:03:50-05:00 2013-12-10T08:03:50-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 18605

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>If by "personally offended" you mean that they have been name-called, humiliated, or wrongfully discriminated against on the basis of gender, race, or (now) orientation, then you might have the complication of a formal EO complaint or Trainee abuse. Soldiers can get "upset" if they had to do a long run on a sprint day or didn't get a long enough chow to take a nap and play COD.<br>

2013-12-10T17:17:16-05:00 2013-12-10T17:17:16-05:00 SSgt Private RallyPoint Member 18629

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>&lt;p&gt;One troubling aspect of doting on our children too much is that they question too many things.&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; A worse case scenario might be,&amp;nbsp; your younger child is running out into the street.&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; What do we do,&amp;nbsp; have a conference,&amp;nbsp; call Dr. Phil?&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Or maybe it is a teen who has driven drunk.&amp;nbsp; Do you give him the keys?&amp;nbsp; Sometimes we have to make hard decisions because that what a leader/parent/veteran has at stake.&amp;nbsp; Sometimes we are wrong but being afraid to fail is weakness and weakness gets people killed.&lt;/p&gt;

2013-12-10T18:23:30-05:00 2013-12-10T18:23:30-05:00 SFC Lawrence Hayward 19020

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>You can maintain the trust of an upset Soldier. It's hard to regain it from an offended one.

2013-12-11T16:23:15-05:00 2013-12-11T16:23:15-05:00 CPT Private RallyPoint Member 324537

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>It depends on what the contributing factor(s) is/are but I would say an offended Soldier, just on the basis that offense gestures/comments are not good for the climate. But who cares if a Soldier gets upset, we all get upset almost daily, he/she will CM sooner or later.

2014-11-12T21:48:02-05:00 2014-11-12T21:48:02-05:00 2013-12-07T14:38:33-05:00