Who out there found the LASTING love of your life while in the military?

CH (MAJ) William Beaver — Mon, 27 Apr 2015 23:22:23 -0400

Sometimes you may just find a love that lasts while in the military. Lucky you! What makes it either hard... or not so hard, to find LASTING love while in the military? What are the challenges of military marriages that can become a big strain? What have YOU found that works that you can share with others?

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 28 at 2015 1:49 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 28 Apr 2015 01:49:39 -0400

I did. Just be willing to compromise for the sake of your marriage.

I know that we always don't get a say in where we go or what we do in the military, but when given a chance make it a family decision. I have done that with my wife, and she knows that if it is a Key and Developmental Position I have the override, but in any other position she has the veto.

Response by SGT Anthony Rossi made Apr 28 at 2015 2:14 AM

SGT Anthony Rossi — Tue, 28 Apr 2015 02:14:37 -0400

CPt my wife and I met in the Army we were from completely different walks of life. I dated her for two months and then asked her to marry me. That was 19 years ago. I'm still blown away by the whole thing. God can take two opposites and turn them into best friends! All things are possible when He gets involved!

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. -Proverbs 18:22

She sure is a "Good thing!"

Response by PO3 Sherry Thornburg made Apr 28 at 2015 2:27 AM

PO3 Sherry Thornburg — Tue, 28 Apr 2015 02:27:51 -0400

MSgt Mikulski said it good, but he left out one part that makes and breaks both military careers and marriages.

Met my hubby during A school and have been married 26 years. We did great our first 5 years as a duel service couple. When the two of us wanted to become three or more, that's when the real challenges where going to happen and we had to make some tough team decisions. I speak of this from the view of both a service member, a spouse of a service member and having been a Navy brat.

I loved being a kid of a service member. It was a good childhood, moves and all, but I know it was tough on my parents, and occasionally, we kids ended up in long term care of grandparents, which wasn't so great. Lets just say they never refused, but might should have.

If you want to have children, then it will be tougher. I know there are people that manage duel career marriages and make it work, but the stress of it and the constant juggling to make sure child care is taken care of just wasn't worth it for us. Your job always has to come first in the service and I saw plenty of other parents have nightmare situations where childcare plans failed, emergencies happened or deployments separated the family and one had to became a single parent without enough outer support to make it work. We weighed careers and decided who got out before having kids.

Duel service couples have to be strong enough to make those kind of tough decisions together.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Apr 28 at 2015 7:21 AM

Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS — Tue, 28 Apr 2015 07:21:49 -0400

Been married 15 years now. Met my wife on Quantico. Sure there have been ups & downs, but wouldn't trade it for the world.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 28 at 2015 8:36 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 28 Apr 2015 08:36:01 -0400

Met my wife in Tong Du Chon, Korea. She was another American Soldier stationed there and 17 years and three kids later we are still as happy as ever. She eventualy got out, but she has been my rock and best friend for the entire 17 years we have been together. 15 of them married!

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 28 at 2015 8:42 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 28 Apr 2015 08:42:02 -0400

My first wife left after 17 years of marriage and a 20 year relationship because she "didn't want to be married to the military anymore. This announcement came the week after 911. I met the woman who completes my life while we served in the same Air Force Reserve unit. She was a flyer - a medtech. We knew each other and she saw me in a funk at the December drill in 2001. Just walked up and said something like, "you're not yourself this weekend. If you want to talk let me know." She didn't know I'd just filed for divorce the day before. Long story short - we were married 7 months later. She actually deployed to OEF before I did and I gave her a ring when she got off the plane. Wouldn't change a thing.

Response by SSG Roger Ayscue made May 20 at 2015 11:56 PM

SSG Roger Ayscue — Wed, 20 May 2015 23:56:17 -0400

Chaplain Beaver,

I did. I found my wife in the military. It has been 16 years and we are still going strong. We have survived deployment, retirement, family illness and the death of a child.
You ask what works for us, let me share just a few tips.
* First, It is NOT always about YOU, it IS about you both.
* Share the bad dreams, when she says she wants to help, LET HER IN
* NEVER do anything you would not want your spouse to know, If it would hurt you, it would hurt them too.
* Grass is seldom greener, if your grass is not as green as you would like, spend your time fixing your own lawn, not looking for a new one.
* Work you kids into your lives as a vital part, not as strap hangers. Kids know if they annoy you or if you really care.
* Tell the truth, ALWAYS. Truth can be worked on but a lie will always collapse.
* Before you think about how good looking she USED TO BE, look in the mirror.

Finally, Seek guidance and parity from God above. pray together and seek wisdom from above. Treat your spouse the same way you dream of being treated yourself.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made May 23 at 2016 1:52 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 23 May 2016 13:52:45 -0400

met my wife in AIT, 32 years ago this coming December.....

Response by PO3 Sandra Gomke made May 23 at 2016 2:22 PM

PO3 Sandra Gomke — Mon, 23 May 2016 14:22:42 -0400

My first marriage started out with both of us in the Navy. It only lasted 13 years. It was another 5 years before I found my Marine. I knew we had something special. We've been together 17 years now. So, I didn't really find him while in "active duty" military. But we both came from the veteran pool! :D

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Mar 7 at 2018 1:02 AM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 07 Mar 2018 01:02:39 -0500

I found only lust!

Response by Cpl Bernard Bates made Nov 7 at 2018 11:05 PM

Cpl Bernard Bates — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 23:05:24 -0500

I was stationed on Okinawa from 61 to 63. I used to go to the village every night after after Chow. Their was nothing to do on base Only Drink or go to a movie. Okinawan girls were about all we seen. Marines could not have dependents because the 3rd marine division was a combat ready division with 25% of the company had to stay on base every night. I used to stop at a little restaurant to get Soba (Japanese noodles) before I went back to the barracks. I met an Okinawan girl it helped make the 18months go by faster. The marines said if we wanted you to have a wife we would issue you one. When I got discharged from the marines I joined the army so I could get married .I was 23 and my wife was 25 when we married. I was told not to marry a Japanese girl cause it wouldn't work out. We have been Married for 55yrs. My point is If your old enough to join the military your old enough to make your own decisions. Its your life and you have to live it. If you make a mistake you gain experience. Semper Fi.

Response by SFC Harry H. made Mar 8 at 2019 10:59 AM

SFC Harry H. — Fri, 08 Mar 2019 10:59:39 -0500

My wife and I married in 1998. One year out of high school. I was stationed at Fort Drum and yes we deployed a lot. For us, I think that was key. We argued so much when we had been together for a good while. Then I would deploy or leave on extended training missions and we would have our time away from each other. When I would return. It was like we fell in love all over again. After about 10-15 years I think we just got older together and the arguing went away. Today, I am madly in love with my wife and I am glad we stuck it out. I truly don't think that you just find love that lasts without effort on both parts. I say, stick it out and take those much needed breaks away from each other. As your relationship grows she will be the only person you will want to hang around and be with.

Response by SGT Kevin Hughes made Feb 11 at 2020 5:51 PM

SGT Kevin Hughes — Tue, 11 Feb 2020 17:51:34 -0500

41 years ago...I tried to stay stationed in Hawaii. I even told the General I would re-up for eight years if he let me stay in Hawaii. Nope. Five years at one Duty Station was long enough he felt. So off to Ft. Hood, Texas I went. After a few weeks there, I found out my brother had moved from Ohio to Austin, Texas. I went to visit him that weekend.

I got invited to a party at the Apartment Complex, walked the door and met my Kathy. I proposed that night. A year later we were married. I hated Ft. Hood, but it gave me my Kathy. I got sent TDY for six months, and when I got back from that, SHE got sent to the other side of Texas for her Church...so almost that whole year before we got married...we saw each only one time. Christmas Day.

Then we had to fight with Immigration (My Kathy is Canadian). Thru it all, we just hung in there. Civilians don't have TDY, Deployment, or (as in the case of Ft. Hood) three to five week stints in the Field, but sometimes they are separated by Jobs in different cities, different shifts, or for family reasons. But the Military is probably the most difficult profession to start a marriage out in.

But she loved me. I loved her. We are both stubborn, and so it goes...forty years of marriage, two kids, two grandkids (so far) and about a bazillion good times, and a dozen or so great times, here we are. Still the best team. Still the best decision I ever made. Still together. As my Kathy says:

"Kevin, you will either die in my arms, or at the end of them." LOL

Response by TSgt George Rodriguez made Feb 10 at 2021 11:49 AM

TSgt George Rodriguez — Wed, 10 Feb 2021 11:49:26 -0500

I was divorced from my 1st wife with 2 small children to take care of as I received custody of them while stationed at Fairchild AFB, Washington. My wife was stationed there also when we met. She saw my need and took a discharge to marry me. 47+ years later and father or 4, grandfather of 10, and great-grandfather of 5 with #6 on the way we are still going strong, her at 71, me at 76. I thank God every day for allowing me to be a part of her life as she is a part of mine.

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 10 at 2021 6:10 PM

CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 10 Feb 2021 18:10:01 -0500

Here. 40 years or so ago. Quantico VA.

Response by Cpl Vic Burk made Aug 14 at 2022 7:08 PM

Cpl Vic Burk — Sun, 14 Aug 2022 19:08:42 -0400

I met my wife via snail mail when I was with the Second Marine Division. (My future brother-in-law was a Marine, need I say more?) After several letters I went up north to meet her. Her father was a Navy man, so we always had the Marine-Navy rivalry going on. Anyways, we hit it off. I went and stayed at her house when I took leave. We continued to correspond for two years. Two months before I got out, I popped the question, and she said yes. We got married the next summer. That was forty-two years ago no. She wanted to get married long before the question, but I didn't want to while on active duty. I saw too many guys get divorced or lose girlfriends (I lost one when I was overseas). I figured if she walked on me she wasn't the one. She waited for me.