Why do Veterans seem to not like being told ''thank you for your service'' by civilians?

PV2 J M — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 09:42:00 -0400

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Oct 19 at 2017 10:03 AM

SGM Bill Frazer — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 10:03:53 -0400

Many reasons come to mind- 1. I volunteered to serve. 2. I just did my duty. 3. I was lucky, and many of my friends were not. 4. What of the Vietnam Vets
, Korean Vets who got no thanks. 5. What of the families of my KIA?. I thank folks in honor of my KIA, and say "It was my privilege to serve with great people in crummy places."

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Oct 19 at 2017 10:23 AM

CAPT Kevin B. — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 10:23:47 -0400

For me I've moved on and the thanks tends to suck me back a touch. I'm not offended and do appreciate the gesture, but my mind prefers to be elsewhere. I've observed if you keep going forward, you live several lifetimes, hence thinking back is like a little speed bump. So I'd expect those who have sensitivities they don't want to be reminded of, it can touch a raw nerve. We're all on the bell curve somewhere, hence there will be a number who range from hate to be reminded, don't care, and love the attention. I will say if you thank someone for their service, think about if you're saying it for yourself or the Vet.

Response by SGT Dave Tracy made Oct 19 at 2017 10:56 AM

SGT Dave Tracy — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 10:56:26 -0400

Could be any number of reasons, and depends on the given Vet/SM. When I see an SM (and around here that's pretty much just recruiters) or Veterans, I may engage them in a brief conversation as we have things in common, but am reserved in dishing out the thanks, and in HOW I do it, because I know many are not comfortable with gestures of appreciation. I certainly do return it if they thank me for my service though.

For me, I find some discomfort in being thanked, because I was just doing my thing, and never figured I did much to warrant such overt gratitude. When it was heart-felt, I appreciated it, and thanked them for their support, but honestly, even a look of recognition or the subtle head-nod, would more than suffice if any thanks need be expressed. That's me.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 19 at 2017 11:02 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 11:02:04 -0400

Personally - I don't like it because 99% of the time it feels forced and obligatory. As if they feel like they have to say it and not that they mean it or want to say it because of the climate of attitude toward veterans in the last 16 years. If a veteran tells me that means more than someone who sees me in uniform and you can just tell they're like "oh I better say something or I'm an asshole."

Also I am just doing my job. I chose this. I think there are people with jobs far more important than mine. Teachers - how often do they get thanked. LE. Emergency responders. Hell anyone should get thanked for doing their job. My brother is a janitor - I bet no one thanks him for keeping the bathrooms and hallways at the school he works at clean. My dad builds refrigerated trailers - does he get thanked? I mean lots of jobs are important and no one thanks them.

I honestly never know what to say when someone tells me "thank you for your service." It's so odd to hear and sometimes I get blindsided. That's why I avoid going to the store or anywhere in public in my uniform if I can absolutely avoid it.

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Oct 19 at 2017 11:12 AM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 11:12:20 -0400

It depends on how the phrase is offered. If a clerk offers the thanks in a clearly routine tone, one of those store slogan things, then it isn't thanks, it's advertising. I don't tell them they're full of it, but we both know what's going on. The most worthless happens at Lowes. If you have a Lowes rewards card and have stated you are a veteran, then the point-of-service computer at self checkout says "thank you for your service" when you scan your Lowes card! However, I don't turn down the veterans' discount.

For a long time, I didn't know what to say. As a Vietnam era vet, we didn't get a lot of thanks while on active duty. I've learned to say, "Thank you for your support."

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Oct 19 at 2017 11:43 AM

CPT Jack Durish — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 11:43:27 -0400

How many actually thank you for your service? Everybody? Most people? Many? A few? Occasionally? Rarely? I might think that it was routine or obligatory if it happened often. But it is a rare, very rare occurrence, at least for me and I'm rarely in public without some distinguishing apparel. So, I just smile and say "It's an honor to have served." Any other response would make me feel concerned for the veterans being Thanked

Response by SGT David T. made Oct 19 at 2017 11:48 AM

SGT David T. — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 11:48:02 -0400

I personally cannot stand it because in many cases it seems like it is disingenuous. The other thing is it makes me very uncomfortable to respond to it. I like to be left alone. I don't want to be bothered with being stopped every 5 feet to be thanked if I decide to wear something veteran related. I also think that this is just the pendulum swinging way too far in the opposite direction from what was seen during the Vietnam era. My hope is that it gets to a nice happy medium where people don't spit on vets but don't take the appreciation overboard. I know I am just a normal person and want to be treated as such. I have no need to have my ego stroked.

Response by Sharon Lee made Oct 19 at 2017 12:17 PM

Sharon Lee — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 12:17:48 -0400

I house homeless veterans and recently spoke at a charity event. I asked the question, "how many of us actually think about what that statement means, what it holds?" What if we said thank you for offering your life, so I can live mine, thank you losing your legs, just so I could walk, thank you for giving your arms that no longer hold your child, so that I can hold mine, thank you for signing up to live with PTSD, Shell shock and other mental health issues just so I don't have to live in fear, thank you for protecting the unknown faces of those who despise you simply for the color of your skin; not bold enough to stand in front of you, lack even the courage to stand beside you, but instead stand behind you. Who are the unknown soldiers; one of them is my son...

Response by Sharon Lee made Oct 19 at 2017 12:23 PM

Sharon Lee — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 12:23:15 -0400

But, without the watchmen on the walls, without those who sit in the corners of our nation, none of those things would be possible, and especially not within the ease in which we do it.

Response by SSgt Ryan Sylvester made Oct 19 at 2017 1:13 PM

SSgt Ryan Sylvester — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 13:13:28 -0400

I've never been offended by it. While I was still in, sometimes I've been in a rush, or just wanted to get home after a long shift but had to make a stop on the way. But it was still nice to hear. Now, as a veteran working at a Veteran's Hospital, I hear it way more frequently, and give the same back to fellow veterans, patient and employee alike. I hear it from civilians, every time I present my card for a discount, or if I'm wearing some bit of veteran status apparel. I'm never offended by it. Especially the discounts, and I always make sure to thank the worker for their business' honoring of veterans.

Response by Maj John Bell made Oct 19 at 2017 1:21 PM

Maj John Bell — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 13:21:39 -0400

_First, I was doing something I loved, and getting paid. No thanks necessary.
_Second, When I first started serving it was not long after Viet Nam, there was a degree of hostility to veterans and serving military. I have been thanked by people who were none to nice in the late seventies and early eighties, and have conveniently forgotten their previous bad attitude.
_Third, there is a significant minority who are thanking veterans and active duty members out of pity because they think we are damaged goods.

Response by SGT Matthew S. made Oct 19 at 2017 1:57 PM

SGT Matthew S. — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 13:57:06 -0400

For me, it's more of awkwardness than anything else. I don't want to be rude, but I'm typically blindsided by the comment and normally can't think of anything to say in reply that sounds sincere. Also, I was just doing my job and don't feel that I did anything particularly noteworthy. For most of my adult life, if I wasn't getting yelled at for something it meant I did the job right... so being thanked for something is a bit of a foreign concept to me. I make sure to thank others for their efforts as a result, but it just feels... odd... to me.

Response by HN Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 19 at 2017 2:12 PM

HN Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Oct 2017 14:12:28 -0400

I don't think there's a set in stone answer, it is different for each person I assume. I know my family and friends who are currently in and recently got out claim they do not like it 1) for semi-awkward situations in public, and 2) because they do not need and/or want a thank you for what they've done because they chose to do it full heartedly knowing that it is what they chose and there were never any thanks expected.

Response by PO3 Phyllis Maynard made Oct 20 at 2017 5:55 AM

PO3 Phyllis Maynard — Fri, 20 Oct 2017 05:55:39 -0400

When a thing becomes "cookie cutter", it is recognizable. Robotized, if you will.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 18 at 2018 11:14 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Apr 2018 11:14:49 -0400

Most of the time it's obligatory thanks. It feels forced and not sincere. It seems like people feel like they have to do it. I can't stand that. If you truly mean to thank someone for their service fine. I don't see the deal in thanking us for volunteering.

I think it's better to thank law enforcement or emergency responders...medical professionals. Hell thank everyone for the job they do because it helps someone in some way. I think the people I mentioned do a lot more than I've ever done in almost 14 years.

Response by SSG Jeremy Sharp made Apr 18 at 2018 11:34 AM

SSG Jeremy Sharp — Wed, 18 Apr 2018 11:34:10 -0400

I think that it is not necessarily dislike but instead embarrassment of the individual for being singled out. I never took the oath or served for personal accolades so I am not comfortable for being thanked for serving the country that has given me so much opportunity. I feel the same way when being thanked for my service as a police officer today. Over the years I have learned to reply with thank you for your kind words and acknowledgement and move on.

Response by PO1 Mike Wallace made Nov 8 at 2018 11:37 AM

PO1 Mike Wallace — Thu, 08 Nov 2018 11:37:04 -0500

I always say 'welcome home' to fellow vietnam vets and acknowledge other vets with an hello or the like. My wife is also a vet and even if she has on her Navy hat she is not acknowledged as a vet.
But I do not like getting a thank you for your service. I am not saying everyone but I truly believe a lot of those who say that are in some way thinking they are making up for their failure to serve their country.
Usually I just smile and nod but if they are really over the top with it I tell them 'most fun I ever had with my clothes on'. Their face changes quickly and they don't know what to say as I smile and walk away. I di 5 tours in Vietnam and don't need aor want a thank you. Just respect my grandkids serving today!

Response by PO3 Richard Alexander made Nov 20 at 2020 6:40 AM

PO3 Richard Alexander — Fri, 20 Nov 2020 06:40:34 -0500

I know for me, I feel like don't know how to answer. To say, "you're welcome" makes me feel like I'm being condensending. I joined, mostly, for the free education and practical experience. So I also feel insincere and undeserving of thanks even though I understand their thinking and all.

Response by CPO Don Campbell made Jul 12 at 2021 4:33 PM

CPO Don Campbell — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 16:33:09 -0400

because we don't need to be thanked it was our honor to do so