Young Service Members with Little to No Life Skills

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 29 Dec 2014 12:19:02 -0500

You get the call from S1: you have a new soldier to go pick up, in-process, and begin your process of giving purpose, direction, and motivation. They have all the shiny new skills given to them from AIT. They have their basic tactical skills given to them by basic training, as well as their field exercises, so they are not a completely blank canvas. You get their ERBs, scan them over, see their birthdays, and you realize they are barely adults, or quite possibly still 17. The next questions you run through with each troop, “Where are your from? Are you married? Do you have a driver’s license? A car? Kids?” You get a short bio. Usually you see one of two things: their parents are still married and there are a bunch of siblings, or, more often these days, you get that the parents are divorced, sometimes re-married, and they only grew up with one of them with a handful of various siblings. What do these things tell you? What is the writing on the wall when you get the background on your troops? You’re basically their foster parent at this point.

A week later you do a barracks inspection and you see their room isn’t clean - dishes piled up, a myriad of empty Cup-o-Noodles cups strewn on their desk, a bunch of clothes purchased at your local mall lay in a pile on the floor. All of their tactical gear is in a clump in the back of their closet. There’s probably a TV way out of their price range along with a video game system fresh out of the box sitting on top of their dresser. A strange smell is emanating from under their bed, and you’ve discovered where the weekend’s pizza boxes were stashed. Easy fix right? Tell them to clean it up and re-inspect in the morning before PT. Most of the leaders in the military have walked in on this very scene. There is more to do here than to tell them to simply clean it up. You should probably teach them how to do that laundry so they can make their clothes last longer. Their diet is atrocious so you need to show them how to follow a meal plan. A meal plan will then lead to a grocery list, so they don’t motor up and down the aisles with one hand out just slap-slap-slapping things off the shelf into their cart. This leads to them setting money aside just for food.

What does a freshly minted troop want more than anything? Typically, they all want a car.. You have to keep them away from the dealerships right outside of the gate…even if you are new to that duty station, you know better. They have this signing bonus money burning a hole in their pockets, and they want some wheels. And they don’t want just any wheels; they want some either attached to 400-horse power engine, or a 12-inch lift. You know they don’t need any of this, but they want it anyways. You tell them they need a 6-8 year old, 4-door sedan (preferably a Toyota or a Honda) and they just look at you like you have a mental disorder. They want something “sexy” that will help them get the second most wanted thing by a freshly minted troop. So, they are either going to take to your reason, or they are going to go get their shiny next year model dream on wheels. Hopefully you go ahead of them and made sure they didn’t lock themselves into a high interest rate.

So after a few months you have taught them to separate, iron, and fold their laundry, to budget for food and fun on the weekends, to set up their TSP, and to buy a car. You were their rock to build a foundation for a future successful life, and the hard place where they had to make some wise but tough decisions. There were probably many more lessons woven into these broad topics, but these are things that you came in knowing. They aren’t from your generation, the last of the “prepared” young adults mostly ready for the world. They could probably re-program your phone, or teach you how to properly work the various aspects of the latest social networking site, but they don’t know their basic life skills. There is more to being a leader these days than just “Shoot, Move, and Communicate”. The only hope those parents around America have is that we have the experience, capability, and willingness to pick up where they left off.

Response by CSM David Heidke made Dec 29 at 2014 12:45 PM

CSM David Heidke — Mon, 29 Dec 2014 12:45:14 -0500

You would always see an E1 with the flashy new car.

And I was always amazed by the number of "pawn your title" places right outside the gate.

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Dec 29 at 2014 2:18 PM

MSG Brad Sand — Mon, 29 Dec 2014 14:18:10 -0500

Did any of have life skill when we entered the military? Really? I know I didn't but that is part of the reason I did join.

Response by SGT Kristin Wiley made Dec 29 at 2014 3:33 PM

SGT Kristin Wiley — Mon, 29 Dec 2014 15:33:30 -0500

In addition to the above, many soldiers who never move out of the barracks learn how to live on their own. I think this is a failure to transitioning successfully by the military. They don't know how to rent, lease, or own a house, how to set up utilities, proper vehicle maintence, car registration, safety inspections, taxes, college loans, etc. While most of these aren't the military's direct responsbility, knowing how to get lodging after transitioning is essential. Many troops transition without a job, thinking they are going to use their GI Bill to pay for housing. Your GI Bill stipend covers very few of your actual living expenses, and does not cover the summer months. It's easier to make all the errors with renting in a civilian environment when you have a steady paycheck, and financial assistance resources. Not knowing this prior to getting out, can result in poor budgeting, not being able to make monthly payments, and low credit scores that hinder renting and getting loans in the future. When soldiers get out of the military they should be able to act as independent self-suffiicent adults, not resort to living with their parents again to make ends meet.

Response by CMSgt James Nolan made Dec 29 at 2014 9:27 PM

CMSgt James Nolan — Mon, 29 Dec 2014 21:27:21 -0500

Most of us didn't know Jack Sh*t when we enlisted at 17-19 yoa. We were looking for something to provide structure and discipline. I found mine in the Corps.

We knew right from wrong.

We were looking to be out on our own, earning our own way.

I can only speak for myself. I was a young 19yoa idiot. I knew that I wanted to become a police officer, but had no idea how to get there. I knew that I didn't want mom and dad breaking their backs to send me off to school. I needed discipline, and now!

I joined the Corps, and was on my way to Boot Camp in 2 weeks. It was the recipe. I took to what I was taught. Learned what they had to teach. Made myself a man, that led to the life and career that I have.

I would not be where I am without seeking out that which I did. Listening to the "old NCOs" that took the time to teach (they were 20-30 years old). Life lessons were learned the hard way.

Now, as a no-fooling, Old Timer SNCO, I try and teach the new guys the type of things that have been mentioned. To not make the mistakes that I made, to set themselves up for success and independence. Why do anything, if not right?

It makes me proud as Hell to see my guys get ahead. I hope that each of them is better off than I am.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 29 at 2014 10:28 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 29 Dec 2014 22:28:08 -0500

I joined the Army at 17 (in 1986). However, I was well-trained at LIFE SKILLS before I entered the military. I could flush the toilet, wash dishes, take out the trash, clean my room, cook, do laundry, sew my clothes, and make my parents proud. My parents did it right. I didn't need an NCO to rear (i.e. raise) me; I was already reared by my parents as were a majority of my peers at the time.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Dec 30 at 2014 1:48 AM

SFC Mark Merino — Tue, 30 Dec 2014 01:48:56 -0500

I was a snot nosed kid, but I could wipe my own tush and asked LOTS of questions. Did I run out of money? You bet! Of course, I think we got paid $750 so it was easy. Cartons of cigarettes were $7 and a case of beer was $8.60.......you know, the essentials...lol. When I had a brief stint working at behavioral health, I had a few "kids" who were in way over their heads with being married to a spouse on her 3rd marriage with 4 kids and the new sponsor was 19. I spent 10 minutes trying to get him back on track when all he could concentrate on was the release of Battlefield 2 for PS3. Single child in a one parent family and mom worked 24/7. Of course the Army took him at the height of the surge. We worked on communication problems in his marriage, and budgeting. "Why does most of my pay go towards what her kids need? There is never anything left for me!" It's hard to have "the talk" when they arrive with family in tow. It's hard to be a "dad" when we are at war. Where do we draw he line at mentorship v. child rearing? My stepson was older than some of my Platoon Leaders. I caught one checking out my daughter. No one comes to the military equipped for war. We all work at our levels of expertise to make our leaders shine and our troops to flourish. When basic life skills becomes the focus on some of our troops we have taken a huge step backwards from operational readiness. When they start referring them to mental health because they are so underequipped, it is time to think about separation. Sorry folks. Behavioral health is kicking them right back to you with a note with parenting instructions. It is on you to make the judgement call.

Response by SSG Tim Everett made Dec 30 at 2014 2:19 AM

SSG Tim Everett — Tue, 30 Dec 2014 02:19:42 -0500

I don't know about anyone else but I was raised in a military family dating back five or six generations at the very least. My father is a Marine. There wasn't any coddling in his house. Once he was out, he worked a regular job and so did my stepmom -- we didn't have anyone to follow behind us. We cleaned up after ourselves or we got our butts cut. We made our bunks, hospital corners and tight blankets. We kept our rooms cleaned and we cleaned the house, cut the grass, washed the cars, and took care of the pets. Clothes were folded and put in their proper drawers. Not just mine, but anyone whose laundry was done. I did the dishes every other night, rotating with my brother. Some nights, my brother and I cooked dinner (still did dishes). I did my laundry or I went to school with dirty clothes. I learned how to sew in Boy Scouts so if I screwed up my pants or a shirt, I tried to fix it. I took out the trash, as in threw it in the truck and drove to the dump. I got an allowance and that usually put gas in my tank. If I wanted a date I had to save my paychecks from my after-school job. Sometimes I had to go to the store with a list and mom's money. If I bought anything that wasn't on the list, it came out of my allowance.

I don't know WTF is wrong with kids that don't have even a fraction of that. I can't imagine being raised in the lap of luxury. My own kids have it way better than I ever did, and I still teach (or plan to teach, for my youngest) them to be self-reliant.

Response by 1SG Harold Piet made Dec 30 at 2014 5:48 AM

1SG Harold Piet — Tue, 30 Dec 2014 05:48:12 -0500

I worked as a teen, I had chores growing up, but when I joined at 17, I was so green at being adult. Thank God I had great leaders in my platoon. They were always available for questions or just to sit and talk about things. as for the Money management, I learned the hard way just like most. Sometimes still learning. We cannot, in the ranks, teach them everything about money management but a good leader can do a lot without formal classes.

Response by PO1 Greg Palmer made Dec 30 at 2014 12:54 PM

PO1 Greg Palmer — Tue, 30 Dec 2014 12:54:36 -0500

We were those newly minted troops once too, brother. I remember brand new FC3 Ray and E-fuzzy Palmer who had a lot of growing up to do. We did have a lot better upbringing than this troop you're talking about.

I had a kid like that. His name was Downer and this kid would work all day in the 140 degree Western Afghanistan heat, then play video games till 1 or 2 am and then get in his rack, wake up at 5 am and do it all over again without showering or changing his uniform. It was so bad that he had little red bumps all over his body.

He kind of came around towards the end of deployment but we put shower watches on him and gave him that "tough love" but that really didn't work. I kind of took him and just kind of went about it from a more gentle approach and that worked much better.

My point is that every troop is different so us as leaders, it our job to learn our troops and in that we will know how to better approach a situation. Whether the coddle method or a tougher approach. They all react differently. That's just the two cents of a dusty Seabee.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 30 at 2014 1:39 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 30 Dec 2014 13:39:58 -0500

I joined when I was 18 almost 19 and I felt old compared to my fellow soliders. I'm sure if I joined at 17 when I graduated and I would of been like one of these very soldiers.....but I got hit with reality when I became a mom at 17. I joined because it was what I wanted to do; I didn't join to learn basic life skills, I already got that crash course along with what my parents had instilled in raising my siblings and I as independent, hard working, self reliant members of society. Unfortunately that type of upbringing has become rare.....

Response by PO1 Michael G. made Dec 30 at 2014 1:47 PM

PO1 Michael G. — Tue, 30 Dec 2014 13:47:48 -0500

SSG Private RallyPoint Member Having joined the Navy a little older than many of my peers (I'm 25, a lot of the guys I'm in school with are 19 or 20) I have a keen awareness of this, too. For example, about three months ago I was moved from the junior student barracks into the senior student barracks here at Sub School. The very first thing that I did was do a 4-hour field day on the room.

Now, our room isn't that big, about 14x14 with the head. But it still took me about 4 hours to clean the whole room, which had apparently not been done in some months at that point; my roommate admitted that he and his old roommate had, in fact, been ducking inspections. There was dust an inch thick on the carpet, moldy pieces of sausage that someone had picked off of a pizza underneath the minifridge, and I am *not* going to go into detail about the head. Suffice it to say, by the time I finished cleaning, I sat my roommate down and told him that, under no circumstances would our room get to that state again. Lo and behold, it worked.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Dec 30 at 2014 8:54 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Tue, 30 Dec 2014 20:54:07 -0500

Be glad they're just kids. Be glad that you have a chance to mold them into good soldiers. Be glad more of them aren't like me...

I enlisted in the Army in 1966 fresh out of law school. They tried to talk me into accepting a direct commission as a captain in the JAG corps, but I refused for reasons too strange to discuss in less than 5000 words. I went through BCT, AIT, and Infantry OCS with the kids.

It was strange. I was the youngest child of youngest children. My father was born during WWI. His brother fought in WWI. I was born during WWII and had two cousins KIA, one on the beaches of Normandy on D-Day. Suddenly, I was the "old man".

The DIs molded those kids into good soldiers. There wasn't much they could do with me. Indeed, every one of them, including the cadre in OCS, were in awe of my advanced education and figured that I already knew what I was doing.

I didn't.

I wish they had taught me better. I might have been a better officer. I didn't understand anything about the chain of command. Instead, I bullied senior officers. Generals loved me. I got the job done (in fact, I was the one they turned loose on the hardest ones), but left a trail of resentment in my wake.

Ultimately, they couldn't RIF me fast enough. Even with a major general fighting for me, I was sent packing.

But, those kids got the life skills they needed in the Army. They learned new habits. They developed the maturity to make sacrifices, take chances, work together, cover each others backs. In a word, they became soldiers. If I ever have any job that needs doing, I'll take a veteran over a non-vet every time.

But for you, the DIs, the NCOs, and the commanding officers, they might never have gotten any "life skills". Indeed, I know many who've never served who never did...

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Jan 3 at 2015 7:22 PM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 19:22:11 -0500

I have been there and done that. I have counseled Soldiers on the basics of living a clean life at home whether its in the barracks or in an actual home with a family. I have also counseled Soldiers on the ins and outs of buying a car and making prudent financial decisions. Many young Soldiers have never balanced a financial register. I have a financial register that goes back at least 5 years on an excel spreadsheet. I have also shown Soldiers how to make their own cleaning supplies from organic materials already found in their homes to help save them some money. Yes, our young Soldiers need to be taught the basics of life skills before they get some idea their way is the acceptable way of doing things. Then again, I have had young Soldiers who were squared from start one from arriving to the unit which are a blessing and rare.

Response by SGT Michael Glenn made Jan 9 at 2015 12:12 PM

SGT Michael Glenn — Fri, 09 Jan 2015 12:12:05 -0500

I had graduated and worked in a Denny's prior to enlisting. Didnt have a clue about anything but wound up working my way up to become a manager in training (MIT). got pissed at the owners cousin because he wouldnt do anything and ordered everyone around to do his work for him or he would complain to his Uncle.He tried this one night while I had the store and I fired his ass and had him removed by police which prompted him to call uncle Bob who showed up at the store and told me to hire him back, our trucker night rush was just starting and I simply handed Bob the keys, told him he had a worthless cousin and I refused to hire him back and then walked out. I enlisted the next day, spent 2 weeks with my parents and the off to MEPS station and the rest...is history....well kinda....maybe?????

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 9 at 2015 1:19 PM

SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Jan 2015 13:19:20 -0500

Joined at 31 after using every single option that I had in hand. BCT felt like High School to me, being surrounded of so many teenagers made me feel older than I really was. Sometimes I think I was more disappointed with my battle buddies than the Drill Sergeants themselves.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 9 at 2015 7:34 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Jan 2015 19:34:20 -0500

Good Post SSG Ray, I wholeheartedly agree with the point you are trying to make. To be a leader you must always be enagaged with your soldiers. If you are not willing to do this then why are you a leader? Glad to see there is still some good NCO leadership in the Army today.

Response by SSG Dave Rogers made Apr 19 at 2015 4:15 AM

SSG Dave Rogers — Sun, 19 Apr 2015 04:15:39 -0400

While I know that soldiers need respect and to be somewhat independent I think the military should bring back things like daily inspections.

But also there should be programs to prepare soldiers for reality of life away from home, and learning personal development. I know that leaders are not parents, but when soldiers get in over their heads it is hard for them to think about their jobs when they are worried about losing their jobs.

I got lucky when I came in I have a squad leader that was a great mentor. At first I thought he was a jerk. He did not allow new soldiers in his squad to have a car until they passed military drivers training, he had all of us sit down and go over our spending, and had us meet him at the chow hall for progress reports during all meals. Six months after being in most soldiers in other squads had no money saved, spent too much on cars and eating out. He took me to get a reasonable car, helped me save money, and taught me to eat right. Because of his training I live a life with very little debt, and when I was waiting on my medical from the army I was able to live off the savings I had as I was unable to work for a long time.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 19 at 2015 11:23 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 19 Apr 2015 11:23:42 -0400

I did all this and more when I was an NCO. My wife used to tell me I was a really dad, and we don't have any kids. I'm proud of that. I had to teach boys to be men, and trained them to be infantrymen.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 11 at 2015 7:45 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Sat, 11 Jul 2015 19:45:37 -0400

Very well written. My generation went to school, played sports, played outside, and generally followed parental and societal rules. These kids are motivated by electronic media which is a completely different world.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Jul 12 at 2015 12:20 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Sun, 12 Jul 2015 12:20:16 -0400

The military has been teaching life skills to recruits since time immemorial. To be honest, it's far easier to mold a "snot-nosed kid" into a good soldier/sailor/Marine/airman than to transform someone older. Frankly, I never made it. I was a law school graduate before I enlisted. My age and education cowed drill sergeants. Even my Tactical Officer at Infantry OCS deferred to me. As a result, I remained pretty much the arrogant bastard I was when I joined. I never mastered the chain of command. Sure I got things done. In fact, senior officers loved to turn me loose on a problem (I suppose to see how many company-grade and lower field-grade officers I would piss off). It was no surprise when I was RIFF'd. The medals that the generals pinned on me bore little weight against my poor Officer Efficiency Reports.

No, be happy with the "snot-nosed kids". Mold them into men and women who will serve well.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 12 at 2015 1:43 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 12 Jul 2015 13:43:01 -0400

I remember being that kid fresh out of basic training. I had a few sour apples for leaders that simply yelled and scolded me, but the ones that mentored me and helped me learn and grow are the ones that will stick in my mind forever.
I've tried to model myself after those leaders and help new troops develop in to a Soldier that demonstrates great potential. Some are challenging, but those are usually the ones that provide the greatest reward!

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 19 at 2015 6:02 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Thu, 19 Nov 2015 18:02:07 -0500

Many kids who have single parents will make up their own rules because the parent is not always there for them.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 19 at 2015 8:21 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Nov 2015 20:21:11 -0500

This post is so true. I agree with this.

Response by PO1 Donald Hammond made Dec 16 at 2015 11:56 AM

PO1 Donald Hammond — Wed, 16 Dec 2015 11:56:11 -0500

Let me point you to the other side of this argument. The civilian side. What about the kids that do NOT join the military? Do they have anybody teaching them these types of things? No. If they go to college many of them will learn the same things young military people learn. How to party.

So let us look at why it is important for the military to take these wet behind the ears brats and make an adult out of them. Teamwork. If you are in a life and death situation you don't want a person whose only experience is video games backing you up. You don't want them running from trouble. The leaders in the military have to be able to take these kids with oatmeal for brains and make them into a cohesive fighting unit. They may never see bullets flying but they may see a communications system crash and have to get it back up in support of those boots on the ground.

On submarines we were taught how to hang up our poopy suit (submarine coveralls) in such a way that we could be out of the rack and into our clothes and at our battle station in 9 nano seconds (or maybe a bit more). We were taught to keep things clean and stowed so if we took a steep angle that coffee cup didn't become a deadly missile. These things converted to life at home.

When we pulled into foreign ports like the Philippines the leadership had to take the new kids and tell them "DON'T GET MARRIED". Yet some still did. The girls there were trained on how to snag a sailor for a husband.

But in the end you can only do so much for them.

Response by MAJ L. Nicholas Smith made May 19 at 2016 4:11 PM

MAJ L. Nicholas Smith — Thu, 19 May 2016 16:11:16 -0400

I was blessed as a young infantryman to have NCOs who were in about every aspect of my business. While I was reluctant to listen at times which is common at that age, I had discipline to follow not only their orders but advice as well. I didn't want them to be disappointed. Those NCOs set me on a good path and all these years later I hope there are NCOs out there in the force knee deep in their soldier's business today.

Response by SFC William Stephens A. Jr., 3 MSM, JSCM made Nov 7 at 2017 8:46 AM

SFC William Stephens A. Jr., 3 MSM, JSCM — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 08:46:52 -0500

Not true, all depends on how you write your resume and the schools you take while you are in the military, If your a dirt bag you deserve to be a dirt bag but if you try at anything you set your mind to doing something. Just because your not a Senior NCO don't mean you can't go out and write book or be a manager of a company. I all depends on how you word things.

SAM007

Response by SPC Dennis Kregel made Mar 18 at 2020 8:31 PM

SPC Dennis Kregel — Wed, 18 Mar 2020 20:31:01 -0400

It's funny, I felt much of this in BCT. I "celebrated" my 21st birthday in basic and instantly became our platoon guide. I normally spent an additional 2-3 hours a night following up on the subpar troopers in the platoon every night on everything from missing home to lacing their boots.

Now just to date myself a bit I never wore a reflective belt in PT but we did still do rifle PT in basic so I cant even imagine how leaders are dealing with today's "troops" with stress cards, no swearing, cell phones in the barracks.......