Fort Bragg Soldier Charged With Impersonating A Civilian — Duffel Blog

Some people just have trouble deciding which way to go. I had one in my squadron

The worst kind of POSER, lol.

The guy sounded like a bloody amateur. I have gone into numerous bars and establishments and have very successfully passed myself off as a civilian; many times. I bring my over-sized laptop with me and start working on some spreadsheets and pretty soon the nearby folks feel quite comfortable with my presence. I use terms like "time-value of money", "supply & demand curve", "amortization tables", basis points, etc. and pretty soon there are three or four young ladies standing around asking me about what they should do with their 401Ks. Also; one important thing is to have your browser startup page, open to a web site that features Yoga techniques, sushi recipes, or if you are really getting into character then by all means, "go with CNN".

If I am trying to engage in a conversation with someone who doesn't really seem interested, I just start jotting down Maxwell's Equations and tell them I am working on some new economic theory, and that I may have discovered a method to raise the US GDP by 75%, and that it will just absolutely kill socialism. No matter which side of the fence they sit on, that gets their attention real fast. BTW, Maxwell's Equations are actually used in electromagnetic theory but the vast majority of folks don't know the difference; besides they are very short and easy to remember. Just look at Einstein's equation: E = MC^2. As soon as you start writing equations, their eyeballs kind of glaze over and get caged, and they think you are some kind budding genius who's going to discover free energy and heal the world.

It also helps if you can order a glass of white wine as your first drink. It really sets people at ease. I can't stand the stuff, but I have developed the ability to down about 8 ounces while suppressing the gag reflex. I usually inquire as to the vintage on the bottle and make some comment about how the grapes were not very good that year. I then promptly switch to a craft or local beer and no one is the wiser.

The right attire is also critical. Wear nothing that hints you are military. Nothing camo, khaki, or any shade of tan. You want to present yourself as having money, but prefer to dress like the "common man" (or woman). Shop at the GAP, but, NO Hawaiian shirts. You may start to feel too at ease, and if you have ever been to the Pacific or far east, some old military acronyms and terminology may slip into your conversation and make folks suspicious.

Well...that's about for the hints and trade secrets I am willing to share. See you at the wine & sushi bars.