Bill Gates Announces He Too Will Go To Space Once His Rocket Is Finished Installing Updates

With Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos finalizing plans to go to space, billionaire Bill Gates has surprised the world with an announcement that he too will be going to space on his "super secret" rocket any day now. "Yes, I'm going to space too!" said Gates in a statement to the press. "I have a rocket that's really cool and top secret and way better than the other guys' rockets. I will be launching soon, as soon as my rocket finishes installing updates. Should be any day now..."

Experts expressed concern over the planned launch, as early reports indicated Gate's rocket was unstable, with over 50% of the test flights crashing inexplicably.
Gates remains undaunted and has promised there are only 22 days, 22 hours, 37 minutes remaining until launch.

No, wait-- 5 days, 5 hours, 29 minutes remaining...

Oops-- 14 hours, 3 minutes remaining...

Now just 3 minutes remaining...

Ope-- it crashed, never mind.