The Arrow of War.

Why Time is displaced for Combat Veterans. The Arrow of Time for most of us is not the Arrow of War.

Way back in the early Seventies I sat down with a Combat Vet. Two of them, actually. One from served in WW II- the other in Vietnam. We got to talking. Well, they got to talking...I got to listening.

One of them said: " I got my life all mixed up."

"No kidding. Me, too."

"Do you know why?"

Me and the World War Two Vet shook our heads. The Vietnam Vet took out a pen, stole a napkin from the counter - and drew two arrows. The first he called : The Normal Arrow of Life.

The Second he called: The Arrow of War.

He drew two straight lines. At one end was the year "Zero". At the other end was the year "80". (I think if he drew it nowadays, he might end the arrow at 90 instead.)

Then he started drawing little lines through the straight line. Every one of those little tick marks was an age: 5...10...16...etc... . You get the picture. All the way to age 80. As he put in the age and tick mark, he explained what was going on in your life at that age. I will do my best to remember it as he told me.

"Okay, you are born, right?"

Two head nod agreement.

Draws a tick mark at five years of age.

"Here you can talk to people. Maybe a Grandparent dies, but you don't really get death...yet."

We nod.

He draws a tick mark at ten years of age.

"Here is where you first realize that other people matter. You make your first real friends. Your buddies. If a Grandparent dies here, or an old Uncle...you are aware of it. It hurts. But not for long. Because you figure they were "Old."

We all stop to look back at our memories. Yep.

He draws another tick mark at 13 years of age.

"Here you are just out of Middle school. You get your first girlfriend, or crush. By your Senior year in High School, you will have kissed a girl, done some silly things, and maybe even come close to having sex."

We laughed at how true that was.

Another tick mark goes up at 18 years.

Pointing with his pen:

"Now here two things happen, or within a few years they happen. One, you lose your virginity. Two, you lose your first friend to death. A car wreck. Tragic Accident. Overdose, or Cancer. It hurts. They were so young- and you agree. You still don't realize that could have been you."

Up to this point the two arrows match exactly.

He trembles for a minute before he can go on.

"Now the Arrows split. The Normal arrow at 18 or 19 years goes like this:
You get your first job. Your first live in girlfriend. You go to college. You travel a little- maybe. Somewhere around 21 or 22 you move out into your own place. You might get married. And your grandparent die. You see how sad it makes your Mom or Dad. Nobody you know your age- dies. Unless they took the Arrow of war. Remember that. "

We shake our heads in somber agreement.

Okay, (making a tick mark at thirty) by now you are married, starting a family, getting promotions. Maybe you buy a car or house. You play weekend sports, mow the yard, rake leaves. You get a call from your Mom: "Uncle Bill has passed." You say: "I am sorry Mom". You go to the funeral. It is sad for a bit. But you enjoy seeing all your relatives. It still doesn't dawn on you, that you might die. "

Again, we have to pound down the stairs to our memories to check out his Timeline. It matches.

He draws another tick mark that he brackets with another tick mark. It covers from thirty to about fifty. No death. Not usually. Somewhere around Fifty, a coworker of friend dies of a Heart Attack. You are shocked. Not just by the death, but a little tickle in your brain says that could have been you. But it is just a tickle. "

He draws a tick mark at fifty five.

"Now your Dad dies. Or your elder brother. Or your Mom. These deaths are close and personal. They hurt. You knew these people well. You ate with them. Slept in the same house. Shared your ups and downs with them. They know your past, and your present. And they are dead. You get it now. You are not immortal. "

This time we shake our heads in sad agreement.

Another tick mark at sixty five.

"This is the last year you will have in your life without someone you know dying. Uncles, Aunts, Parents, Siblings, Co Workers, Friends, friends of Friends. Death leaves hints that it is coming for you. "

We sit stunned. Life is almost exactly like he said. Just minor variations in our personal timelines, but boy, he was pretty much spot on.

He draws another tick mark at 68 years of age.

"Now you know YOU can die. People you knew and loved are dropping like flies. From now until age eighty- you will be surrounded by death imagery. It is all around you. You read obituaries. You are always sending out cards. Your wife says: "Remember Al from your bowling team that won the League championship?"
"Yes, what about him?"
"He died two weeks ago. I ran into Margaret at the grocery store. She said she is selling the house and moving to Oregon to be near her grandkids."
"Oh. I didn't know he died. He was a good guy. And you sip your coffee."

He put a star on the 80 year old tick mark.

"After 15 years of death imagery surrounding you almost constantly...you die. It is other people's turn to go: "Remember so and so...we used to hang around him for a few years...well, he died today."

Then the guy went back to the wear the Arrows had split- at age nineteen. Except he drew a big circle that he had put around the Normal Arrow from age sixty to eighty. He took that circle and put it on the War Arrow - it covered the entire space between 19 and 25- crammed in tight.

"So here is where the Arrow of War is different. Before you have any of those forty good years- your youth, your middle age, your healthy early old age- the take the Death Imagery you shouldn't be surrounded with until you are near seventy years of age- and mash it all into your late teens or early twenties.
Then they tell you to live like you did on the Normal Arrow. You can't. The War Arrow has moved you out of time. You have already been to the end of the road. So all the in between stuff doesn't matter to you anymore.'

He pounded the napkin with his fist.

"And that is why it can be so hard on us Combat Folks. We are already aware we will die. All of us. Life loses a bit of its joy. Of its beauty. Of its connection. We know it is all for nothing. So we go through the motions. Sometimes catching a break...other times...well, only the old folks know what we know."

I kept that napkin for the longest time. I no longer have it. But I tried to draw it from memory. So here is a short version of the Arrow of War.