Posted on Jan 6, 2015
SGT Intelligence Analyst
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Exactly as the title says, what are your professional opinions on a soldier who is legally separated from his/her spouse but not fully divorced taking a friend of the opposite sex to a military ball if no relationship exists between the two individuals? What are the perceptions and how would you confront the soldier if you did find it to be a problem?
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Responses: 51
SFC Vernon McNabb
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Edited >1 y ago
Sorry, but I call BS on the whole perception is reality. Reality is reality! I was in a foreign country co-located with the Air Force. I spoke some of the local language, enough to get by, and I made the announcement to some friends that I was going downtown the next day to get lunch and do some browsing in the open-air flea market. Some friends wanted to go and a female AF Ssgt (we'll call her Jane) also asked to come along. When we met up the next day to get on the bus, the others bailed, but Jane was there. So, we went to the flea market, bought some things, and had lunch. She saw someone from her office and chatted with them while I placed our orders. The next day, Jane comes to me and says she got written up for being with a married man. Jane is single. I knew her supervisor, so I went to speak with him directly about this matter. He gave me the "perception is reality" speech, and I called BS! Finally, I told him that he needed to be chaptered out of the AF for being openly homosexual (this took place before the repeal of DADT). He asked what I was talking about, so I explained that I would see him and another single, male Airman hanging out on the weekends, even getting hotel rooms. I perceived that both were engaged in a homosexual relationship and that both needed to be chaptered immediately. He claimed he and the other Airman were getting rooms for their "local honies" (his words, not mine). I said it didn't matter, since "perception is reality", and I had witnesses to corroborate my story. Before I left his office Jane's counseling was destroyed and no more said about the matter.
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MSgt James Mullis
MSgt James Mullis
9 y
I agree Reality is Reality and "perception" is BS.
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1LT William Clardy
1LT William Clardy
9 y
Reality is Reality and SFC Vernon McNabb not only plays hardball, he doesn't know how to bunt...
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MAJ Contracting Officer
MAJ (Join to see)
9 y
In order for perception to be negative it needs to have a verifiable affect on the good order and discipline of the unit. You are fully right as no single trip to a flea market off duty constitutes a risk to good order and discipline. Getting a hotel for local honies, certainly could be violation of UCMJ.

Good call and quick thinking on your part.
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SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth
SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth
7 y
Assumption can turn and bite you in the rear sometimes. Just saying.
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COL Senior Account Executive
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Personally I believe that Army regs need to evolve into the modern era. Government as a whole needs to stay the hell out of private lives. Government has no business legislating morality. I don't have to agree or disagree with it, but it shouldn't be the commands business what any Servicemembers do on their own time. Again I'm not staying my personal beliefs as to the situation mentioned, just that I don't want the government prosecuting consenting adults as to their own legal (however immoral) actions. It technically isn't a crime. We have way more important issues than to butt into people's private lives. Just my .02
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CW3 Kevin Storm
CW3 Kevin Storm
9 y
Respectfully Sir, the technically isn't a crime, is not entirely true, a few states still have laws on the books for adultery. Not saying I am agreeing with it, but it does exist.
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Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Discretion is the better part of valor.

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