Posted on May 15, 2015
SSG Civil Affairs Nco
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1SG (Join to see) started a conversation on why lower ranks don't post more on rally point. Well, that immediately made me think of one of the almost guaranteed events in the military; divorce. What is your advice on making sure that you are able hold on to your significant other during you time 'in', and after.
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Responses: 15
COL Jason Smallfield, PMP, CFM, CM
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- Like sex and abstinence, the only guarantee to never getting divorced is to never get married.
- If one does get married then a few thoughts:
- Maturity. Both need to be mature individuals. This is not an age thing, it is a maturity thing.
- Common outlook/goals. Standard joke is that women get married hoping to change the man while men get married hoping the woman never changes. Both end up getting disappointed.
- Energy. Like most other human endeavors, one gets out of a thing what one puts into a thing. Therefore if one does not want to get divorced then both individuals need to put energy into the marriage.
- Wedding vs marriage. There is a difference. If I have to explain the difference to you then I can not explain the difference to you. I can explain to you but I can not understand for you.
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SFC Toby Reid
SFC Toby Reid
9 y
Best military marriage advice I have ever heard. Thank you married 14 yrs to veteran, still working at it
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SFC Caretaker
SFC (Join to see)
>1 y
I never got married while in, dating a lone was a nightmare. Couldn’t talk about how work was because of sensitive information issues. And got accused of cheating because I couldn’t talk about my day. Couldn’t imagine how a marriage could jeopardize ones career in my field.
Kind of wish now that I did get married though. I was against dating other soldiers after one ended disastrously. But now that I’m dating civilians military seem more on the same mind frame as me. Civilian men who never served could never understand a woman who did more then nursing in the military COL Jason Smallfield, PMP, CFM, CM. Kind of sucks.
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1SG Civil Affairs Specialist
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Edited 6 y ago
SSG (Join to see), today happens to mark my 18th (and regrettably, last) anniversary. I won't recount a long story, but I would tell you that the issues involved were cummulative and had built up over time to the point she made the calculation it wasn't worth it anymore.

My advice: never, EVER go to bed with an argument still ongoing. It will not just "go away". Sometimes that means giving in when you don't think you should.
I am living proof that the consequences of divorce are far, far worse then holding the line and being "right" all the time.

One more nugget: often, she is trying to tell you something without coming out and saying it. Don't be so blind or linear that you miss what she's really trying to tell you.
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LCDR Naval Aviator
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Don't marry someone you don't know extremely thoroughly or don't trust, and don't marry someone who doesn't trust you completely either. Seems like that's the big one, be it money, fidelity, what-have-you.
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