Posted on May 14, 2016
COL Mikel J. Burroughs
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Spouses have a lot of concerns and questions when their significant others are deployed or were deployed and they have returned.

They are afraid to ask the wrong questions, but need to reconnect with their spouse.

What can they ask, how should they ask it, and what do you consider to be taboo questions as a deployed service member?

Can we make this transiton easier?
Edited 8 y ago
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Responses: 9
LTC Stephen F.
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Questions can range from the humorous such as where did you leave the key to the ice chest to more practical such as where is the warranty information COL Mikel J. Burroughs.
The military has a program to assist grieving spouses which seems to be uniformly good across the nation. Some commands have better spousal support programs than others. Having a good support network is very important. Frequently the BN commander and CSM spouse is in the best position to maintain a spouse support network they are also frequently in the best position to be able to explain what is going on with the command and what sort of questions can be asked of deployed spouses.
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Deborah Gregson
Deborah Gregson
>1 y
These systems need to be more clear for spouses or significant others left behind. After my nieces husband was deployed and they had only been married a couple months, which included a move from Bragg to Eglin, she was a tad lost. She did use base services support programs, but didn't know what programs were available because they don't really advertise them. What did come together was immediate help for her when she had a miscarriage while he was away, and her family was in NC. She didn't know anyone as they'd only been there a short time before he was sent out, so she called the team leader's wife, as she should. That lovely woman met my niece at the hospital, handled the process of the ER and situation, manned the phone between my niece and family, made sure her husband was contacted and helped arrange for him to get home in a couple days (this was the loss of their first pregnancy). The team leader's wife was amazing and I'll always appreciate her kindness helping my niece in a scary and lonely trying time. He always left her with his POA, Health Care POA, his passwords, his vehicle and insurance info, his will and other legal papers, copies of his passport and such, a letter with his wishes. He was always very organized, realistic and prepared her well for being away. She was smart, resourceful, assertive and willing to learn. And we put our heads together a lot to solve problems.

In another situation on a social website I'm part of, young girls husbands and boyfriends were being deployed and they were all unsure what to do or how to handle it. We started a special closed group for deployed spouses/so, that let people ask questions, answer questions, give support, rant or just share their worries or issues, talk to each other. By the end of two years we'd gotten about 7 people through deployments living from NC to VA to AK to Germany. It was informal and we just looked for an answer when a question was asked, and made sure the answer was right. It worked.
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SPC Andrew Griffin
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Are you being faithful? How are my babies? Did you pay the bills?
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SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth
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How long are you going to be gone? Who do I call in case of an emergency?.
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