Are Chain of Commands really "pro" family?

Some are, some are not. A chain of command is a group of people, with their own needs and desires. In my opinion, the good ones are pro family, but in the end, there comes a point where mission trumps everything and normally that means the family has to suck it up.

As long as you remember you're married to the army first

If you are referring to the old mantra of "mission first, people always", its a tough call. I always tried to err on the side of family, and many of my colleagues - superiors and subordinates tried to do the same to create a comfortable command climate. By this I mean, unless we were doing a range qual or other annual type of event or training, letting the SM make up a UTA/MUTA for "less than substantial" reasons or time request. From my NG perspective, after 9/11 when OPTEMPO, training cycles, requirements, manning, deployments and pretty much the entire play book was re-written, "mission first" had to take priority. Family as a - and I use this term ever so delicately because I have one too - "distractor" for missing drills, training, alerts and deployments,, even with timely notification, really became a no-go at this station. Buy the time I retired I think things were loosening up a bit but not yet to the point where they were before 9/11.