Best one-liners that you heard when disciplining a Soldier.

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 13 Jul 2014 21:37:51 -0400

What are the best one-liners you heard when a NCO or Officer was disciplining a Soldier? I heard one great one yesterday and I want to hear what your experiences are. Make me laugh!

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 13 at 2014 9:56 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 13 Jul 2014 21:56:22 -0400

New to my first unit, I was waiting on the 1SG to call me into his office. I heard this booming voice yell out "SPC Settle!" I stood up and again I heard the same voice "Settle!" I then replied with "What!?!?" The 1SG looked at me and said "Want to try again?" I said "What 1SG?!?!" Then I started building my biceps, triceps, abs, and leg muscles for a really long time. He then called me in his office and told me he thought that was pretty funny but to not do it again. One of the best 1SGs I ever had.

Response by CPT Jacob Swartout made Jul 13 at 2014 10:27 PM

CPT Jacob Swartout — Sun, 13 Jul 2014 22:27:19 -0400

PSG: "So SPC (name) tell me why YOU were speeding on post going 50 mph in a 25 mph zone? Are you someone special today that says screw the speed limit and I don't have obey the speeding laws?"

SPC: "No sergeant, I am new and didn't know that the speed limit was 25."

PSG: "Oh you're new here how nice.....ARE YOU NEW TO READING? Does the number 25 mph on a clear white sign in plain day light with the words speed limit bear no significance on what it POSSIBLY could mean to you?"

SPC: "Rgr Sergeant, it means to drive 25 mph."

Response by PO2 Christopher Morehouse made Jul 13 at 2014 11:02 PM

PO2 Christopher Morehouse — Sun, 13 Jul 2014 23:02:21 -0400

Not a one liner, but I had a MGySgt catch me whistling while I was in a hallway, man was the saltiest Marine I ever met. I heard this crackly voice come from his office, "Come here, devil dog...what do you think you are doing?"

"Whistling, MGySgt."

"Whistling?" he says. "I love a good tune..." He proceeded to have me whistle about 3 different songs. Afterwards, he said "How do you feel, devil?"

"Pretty stupid, MGySgt."

"That's about how I see it. Now, get the Hell out of my office."

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 11:34 AM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 11:34:32 -0500

Saw this online years ago, and included it in my personal NCOER statement book:

The British Military writes EPR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....

- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not breed from this Officer.
- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
- Technically sound, but socially impossible.
- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

Response by MSG Greg Kelly made Nov 17 at 2014 6:32 PM

MSG Greg Kelly — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 18:32:24 -0500

Well this one is not disciplining a soldier because my leaders said me and mine were a bunch of undisciplined infantryman with no regard for anything but ourselves. I always said no SGM or Sir we were not 2nd platoon cared about 2nd Plt and Bravo Co. But Anyway.

The best one liner I ever used was on a pistol range I was running for our BN a SF team showed up to do some shooting and hey we are all on the same team NO worries. I am sitting on RTOs Vik and one of the SF guys looks over and smiles and says "Hey Is hot enough for you?"

As pretty as you please I smiled back and replied "NO if it was one degree hotter it'd be perfect!

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 6:44 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 18:44:34 -0500

"You are about as useful as a [slang term for male reproductive organ] lollipop."

Response by CPL Rick Stasny made Nov 17 at 2014 8:33 PM

CPL Rick Stasny — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 20:33:31 -0500

Now there's a gene pool you don't want to wade into, and son you're so dumb, I bet your family tree looks like a telephone pole.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 11:05 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 23:05:34 -0500

I did actually ask one of my soldiers if he shaved that morning. After he said, "Yes, Top", I told him, "Tomorrow I want you to stand closer to your razor."

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 18 at 2014 12:37 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 12:37:54 -0500

"Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining!" - 1SG Lugo... He may not know this but I have a great level of respect and admiration for him.

Response by PO1 Cleve Ikaika Waiwaiole made Mar 17 at 2015 10:44 PM

PO1 Cleve Ikaika Waiwaiole — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 22:44:26 -0400

"You pissed off Constructionman????"

"Yes master chief!"

"Better to get pissed off than pissed on! 20 push-ups!"