Can I help my husband's morale?

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 13:33:32 -0500

My husband is stuck in the Return Home Unit at Fort Leonard Wood. He was able to finally call me today (for 10 minutes) and explained how stupid it is for all the soldiers returning home for various reasons. They are in the barracks for 22 and 1/2 hours a day and only allowed to sleep or read. They are allotted 30 minutes for chow. I just want to help him! Sounds like the life is being sucked out.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 10 at 2018 1:36 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 13:36:35 -0500

Just do what you can, which seems like it isn't much. Stay positive when speaking with him.

Response by SSG Edward Tilton made Mar 10 at 2018 1:42 PM

SSG Edward Tilton — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 13:42:15 -0500

I was once stuck on an MST (military sea transport) troop transport for weeks. there was an out break of hepititus or something so they decided not to land for another two weeks. There isn't much you can do.

Response by LTC Jason Mackay made Mar 10 at 2018 2:43 PM

LTC Jason Mackay — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 14:43:01 -0500

Is he being separated from IET?

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 10 at 2018 2:54 PM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 14:54:59 -0500

SPC Private RallyPoint Member Just stay positive yourself and try to be cheerful when talking to your husband. Being in a barracks where he is allowed to read and sleep does not sound that bad. There are much worse things that he could be going through in the military or civilian life. During my civilian career, we had flight readiness review meetings that lasted 8 to 12 hours. Talk about tedious.

Response by SGT Dave Tracy made Mar 10 at 2018 3:04 PM

SGT Dave Tracy — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 15:04:40 -0500

Just remind him this isn't permanent. It will end and there will be better days ahead.

Response by LTC John Shaw made Mar 10 at 2018 4:01 PM

LTC John Shaw — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 16:01:02 -0500

You need to be positive to the point of annoyance to him, paint the picture of what life will soon be like so he has hope.
There is a magic to writing goals down! He should be preparing for his next adventure!
Reading and writing in a journal are critical to his success. I know he may not feel like it but I used these times as a gift to find inspiration and plan my / our future and think through multiple potential future options. What are my next jobs or possible jobs? Who do I need to develop relationships with to be successful or to get a really honest estimate of my skills? What are my key contacts for these options? What does my wife want / need that I am not doing or pursuing? What skills can I develop to get me closer to the goals that I have established? This is a great time to just think and plan and pursue mental chess on your own life and experiences.
If he wants to get out, even if not spiritual, he can request to speak to the Chaplin and participate in religious activities. The unit can't ignore it, they must accommodate.
God Speed this time will end, make the best use of it he can.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Mar 10 at 2018 5:10 PM

SGM Bill Frazer — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 17:10:08 -0500

I don't understand the lingo on this- did he fail a school?. Regardless- if you have his address, then write! Phones are over rated for communicating- but letters which can go pages and be re-read for months can be a big morale booster anytime.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Mar 10 at 2018 5:33 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 17:33:32 -0500

Tell him to keep his chin up. It will pass.

Response by SFC James Heath made Mar 10 at 2018 9:27 PM

SFC James Heath — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 21:27:44 -0500

Sounds to me like he may be in lockdown. Confined to quarters pending disciplinary action. There are other reasons for this, but very rare. Convince him he has to live one day at a time.

Response by CPT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 10 at 2018 9:41 PM

CPT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 21:41:22 -0500

I was in this situation as a medical drop at selection. What helped me was writing everything down. I wrote my wife notes for the days I couldn’t talk to her (about a week). Seriously helped. Never bothered giving her the letters. Threw them out before I left. But it helped at the time... Honestly, there’s nothing you, personally, can do. He just needs to ride it out and get through it. But suggest the writing. It’ll help

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made Mar 10 at 2018 10:08 PM

Lt Col Charlie Brown — Sat, 10 Mar 2018 22:08:25 -0500

I saw some wonderful suggestions. A care package if allowed would be a morale booster. Include a notebook for him to journal and perhaps an inspirational book or two. Encourage him to connect with the chaplain and attend services. Write to him daily and if you have children or other family encourage them to write or send cards.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 11 at 2018 3:49 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 03:49:20 -0400

On our way back after a 15 month tour Iraq had one last knife twist in the form of a sandstorm. We arrived at the transition camp which had no where for us to billet. We ended up sleeping outside during a sandstorm for what seemed days. The point is it is temporary and part of standard military movements and deployment. This too will pass

Response by CH (CPT)(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 11 at 2018 8:09 AM

CH (CPT)(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 08:09:47 -0400

He can still receive letters. I think most people forget how much receiving a letter means.

Response by CPT Griff Tatum made Mar 12 at 2018 7:48 AM

CPT Griff Tatum — Mon, 12 Mar 2018 07:48:38 -0400

When is he projected to depart FTLW? I he knows, then the pain of just waiting around is a lot easier because an end is in sight. If he doesn't know, then just be sure to reassure him that his time will come, to return home. Sometimes there's not a ton you can do in the military for issues like this except wait it out. In the meantime, keep conversation occupied with things other than how it "sucks so much." Talking about anything other than how bad current situations will be an increase in morale. Make the best out of a bad situation- what else can you do?

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 12 at 2018 11:36 AM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 12 Mar 2018 11:36:12 -0400

I think you got your answer. However, the biggest transition is going to be when he gets home. Depending on your relationship and how strong emotionally you are with each other and your communication skills; having a wife pass BCT while the "man" of the house couldn't, may be worse than staying locked up for a few weeks in barracks. IDK your husband but the male stereotype to be the provider, caregiver and stronger than the wife still holds it's place in the back of our heads no matter how "woke" we are in todays society of girl-boys, trans, non-binary, gender X citizenry.

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 12 at 2018 6:02 PM

CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 12 Mar 2018 18:02:35 -0400

Learn to distinguish between when he's looking for an answer from you, or just wanting to vent. If the latter, just listen until he runs out of steam. Then, intervene if it feels right. If not, listen some more. Once the lines of communication have been established, try to support him with advice or at least understanding. Over time it will improve, especially when he's home (provided the previous steps reaped rewards). If not, do it in person and add the human touches. It takes time, and even if he is looking for you to buy into his problems, avoid it until he has reached a point where he can understand fully. More negatives added to negatives just equals a much more negative outlook. Enough sunshine will eventually overcome the darkness.

Response by MSG John Duchesneau made Mar 13 at 2018 3:19 AM

MSG John Duchesneau — Tue, 13 Mar 2018 03:19:07 -0400

Send him a nice e-mail telling him all the things you like about him and what you want to do together when he gets home.