How do you deal with your wife leaving you while deployed?

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 27 Oct 2018 09:26:09 -0400

I'm at bliss to mobilize to the sandbox and my wife called me to let me know that she wants to divorce me. I leave in a week

Response by SPC Joseph Wojcik made Oct 27 at 2018 10:06 AM

SPC Joseph Wojcik — Sat, 27 Oct 2018 10:06:29 -0400

I'd get a good lawyer to make sure she gets nothing.

Response by SGT Joseph Gunderson made Oct 27 at 2018 10:36 AM

SGT Joseph Gunderson — Sat, 27 Oct 2018 10:36:43 -0400

My first wife cheated on me and got pregnant and then took off while deployed... And this is gna sound really insensitive but the only thing to do is put it behind you. She is gna have to wait for you to get back to get the divorce but you should separate now, make sure she can't just steal all your stuff, separate the bank accounts now, just cut her loose.

Response by Maj John Bell made Oct 27 at 2018 10:43 AM

Maj John Bell — Sat, 27 Oct 2018 10:43:00 -0400

I'm responding to your question on Saturday.

If you can, get to a senior SNCO in your Chain of Command today. Worst case, be standing by the door of the first SNCO in the chain of Command when he/she shows up for work on Monday.

Notify your Command, they may (or may not) permit you to join the command a couple of weeks late via space A, or leave you on rear party.

See an attorney ASAP. Have them
_help you secure your assets.
_file for a delay in court proceedings under the SSCR Act that prevent's her from getting a default judgment while you are gone.

Response by 1LT Luke Flowers made Oct 27 at 2018 1:21 PM

1LT Luke Flowers — Sat, 27 Oct 2018 13:21:23 -0400

Throw the wedding ring away. Ask for 2 hours to hire a lawyer and file for divorce first. Better now than 10 years from now where she uses this deployment to justify running off with her childhood sweetheart or whoever. If she will pull that shit now she won’t be there if your legs get blown off.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 27 at 2018 2:32 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 27 Oct 2018 14:32:45 -0400

Count your losses and move on. 10 years from now she will be irrelevant and you will be great with a spous that actually wants to be a spouse!

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 27 at 2018 2:43 PM

CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 27 Oct 2018 14:43:34 -0400

Get a lawyer unless you want her to clean you out while deployed.

Response by LT Brad McInnis made Oct 27 at 2018 6:35 PM

LT Brad McInnis — Sat, 27 Oct 2018 18:35:15 -0400

Get a JAG to help you ASAP to file to prevent her from cleaning you out if the command still sends you. Then file for a divorce. Sorry buddy that you have to go through this.

Response by SFC Ralph E Kelley made Oct 27 at 2018 9:02 PM

SFC Ralph E Kelley — Sat, 27 Oct 2018 21:02:30 -0400

Run her down to the border, cross over and pay the judge.
Viola! You're divorced.

Response by MSgt Tonhja Lance made Oct 28 at 2018 12:55 AM

MSgt Tonhja Lance — Sun, 28 Oct 2018 00:55:01 -0400

As bad as it may sound, count your losses and move on. Try to focus on your job and protecting your team and yourself. Consider it a lesson learned and make better choices in the future. Protect yourself legally and if necessary seek out a professional to talk to. Let her go.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 28 at 2018 3:08 AM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 28 Oct 2018 03:08:09 -0400

I'm sorry buddy. There's no easy way around it. I hope you get the legal aspect worked out as quickly as possible. It's not entirely the same, but my fiance at the time left me 7 months in to my deployment. I found a lot of reconciliation in talks with my Chaplain and friends. I also let my First Line know the next day. I kept up with work around the FOB and wasn't given any leniency, but my First Line was plugged in to what I was going through and helped me through it.

Response by CPL Peter King made Oct 28 at 2018 3:12 PM

CPL Peter King — Sun, 28 Oct 2018 15:12:57 -0400

In the British Army, when the unit deployed to Northern Ireland some of the wives put detergent boxes in the window. The soap was called OMO, and was a code for Old Man’s Out.

Response by Forrest Adams made Jul 3 at 2022 10:14 PM

Forrest Adams — Sun, 03 Jul 2022 22:14:14 -0400

Be the good husband as best you can be and if she does you have a clear conscience, and she isn't worth wasting the brain cells on. With kids involved. be the good ex-husband and Dad. Just my opinion.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 4 at 2022 11:26 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 04 Dec 2022 23:26:59 -0500

This may sound cruel, but guard your heart and mind as you need to focus on the mobilization and your future career / income and being safe. Protect your assests!!!! She's not leaving because you are mobilizing, it's not the career that's in the way, it's other things that you may or may not be able to focus on at the moment. She has to find her way and her ability to cope with whatever problems plague your marriage. I've seen many soldiers give up their career to save a "rocky" marriage... just to have the person leave them anyway. Don't make a decision that will cause you to suffer bigger losses. Good Luck. Chin up, eyes forward.....you will get through this. Seek counseling, talk to a chaplian if you need to, help is available. A bruised heart will heal. Take care.

Response by SPC Frank Lacy made Feb 18 at 2023 1:19 PM

SPC Frank Lacy — Sat, 18 Feb 2023 13:19:44 -0500

Do like the Country Song says, get a new girlfriend.

Response by PFC Thomas Pendley made Feb 28 at 2023 7:52 PM

PFC Thomas Pendley — Tue, 28 Feb 2023 19:52:16 -0500

Sing happy trails to you and be glad you don't end up raising someone else's kid . I know it sucks but you are better off than having it happen after you get there. I received a dear John letter while in basic from the girl I planned on marrying, the morning we were to learn to use grenades. ((That was one nervous drill instructor that morning). I'm now sitting across the kitchen table from my wife of 31 years. Things work out. Keep the faith.

Response by SP5 Laurie Mixter made Jul 2 at 2023 1:13 PM

SP5 Laurie Mixter — Sun, 02 Jul 2023 13:13:10 -0400

Many people got Dear John and Dear Jan Letters, some people cannot deal with the separation of a family member who goes off to war!

Response by SSG Eric Blue made Jul 2 at 2023 6:17 PM

SSG Eric Blue — Sun, 02 Jul 2023 18:17:26 -0400

Not every significant other has it in themselves to be a military spouse. Chances are good that she already had someone (or someones) lined up before you got your orders. I know it hurts, but cut slingload and let her sink or swim on her own. Don't let her drag you down with her. It can have a VERY negative effect on you while deployed. If you cut her loose now, you will have one less worry while you're gone.

Response by SGT Kerry Sommers made Nov 19 at 2023 8:20 PM

SGT Kerry Sommers — Sun, 19 Nov 2023 20:20:52 -0500

This a hard answer but in the long run you will be better off. It hard to believe this but in a few years you will see how much better life is. There is no time for a cheater. There will never be trust!! Good luck to you. I wish there was a better answer!!