How do you ensure good relationship with your family members?

2023-08-13T10:56:13-04:00

I'm not well today. Because within my family I have bad relationship with one of my brother's wife. I'm a little bit confused what to do now! How do you ensure good relationship with your family members?

Thank you!

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made Aug 13 at 2023 11:11 AM

2023-08-13T11:11:59-04:00

Richard, invite your sister in law to sit down with you, maybe somewhere neutral like a coffee shop. Get something to drink/eat and say, "I would like us to have a good relationship. What can we do to make that happen?" and then listen. Don't interrupt. She will give you the answer.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 13 at 2023 11:18 AM

2023-08-13T11:18:08-04:00

I moved away from my family. But, that may not be an option for you.

Response by SGM Mikel Dawson made Aug 13 at 2023 11:44 AM

2023-08-13T11:44:16-04:00

Guess that depends on who's problem it is: yours or theirs?

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Aug 13 at 2023 12:42 PM

2023-08-13T12:42:58-04:00

PO3 Richard Beasley Having a extremely short memory of negative family interactions works best for me !

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Aug 13 at 2023 12:44 PM

2023-08-13T12:44:15-04:00

The family are people with their own likes and dislikes. Bending does not always help. Remain true to yourself, but don't shove their noses into it. In-laws are the worse, you don't pick who loves them, you just have to tolerate and respect them.

Response by Sgt Sheri Lynn made Aug 14 at 2023 3:36 AM

2023-08-14T03:36:17-04:00

I totally get feeling confused… relationships can be so difficult to navigate! They are unpredictable!
My family has gone through many stages of closeness. There have been times when anger and hurt have made things very uncomfortable.

What has always worked best for me is #1 Self Care. It’s much easier to be calm dealing with other people when I’m feeling balanced. My job is to do what I can to ease the pressures on myself. Or I’m no good to anyone else. #2 Reminding myself that everyone has their own perspective based on their own set of experiences. I don’t have to agree or even understand, just accept and be as kind as I can. Once I dig in and try and convince someone to agree with me, things get very messy. I save those kind of discussions for people I am close to and have good communication with.

And, sometimes, having very low expectations is the best plan. Keeping things simple and polite. Little interactions that over time might create goodwill.

Go easy on you! And them. Making ourselves sick with anxiety over relationships is so common and so understandable. Hang in there.

Response by SSgt Christophe Murphy made Aug 14 at 2023 8:37 AM

2023-08-14T08:37:56-04:00

As they say the devil is in the details.

Without knowing the context it is hard to give specific guidance to solve a specific problem.

But assuming it is something manageable just have a cup of coffee with her and walk through the problem. Try to find where the misunderstanding or argument happened and try to bury the hatchet. Good Luck

Response by CPT Lawrence Cable made Aug 14 at 2023 9:24 AM

2023-08-14T09:24:34-04:00

Let me give the cynical side. You don't get to chose family and sometimes that family member, or members, may be the problem.

My older sister is a bad example. The nicest thing I can say about her is that she is an unfeeling, selfish, self-centered, narcissist that I tried my best to make peace with if for no other reason than to keep my mother happy. After my mother died, I couldn't think of a good reason to let her torture me any more, so I quit.
Her last conversation with me was rather one sided, she called me up on my birthday to cuss me out.

In this case, there are some serious family issues she won't be able to correct between her and the rest of my Mother's family and I now that Mother is gone. She made those choices and she was give more chances than she deserved to be civil, she chose not to be.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 14 at 2023 2:13 PM

2023-08-14T14:13:52-04:00

Why do you have a bad relationship? Something she did or said? You did or said? I mean it's hard to know how to advise without knowing the situation.

I had a falling out with one of my SILs when I was pregnant and with my ex husband (weren't married yet). No one likes him - for good reason. But I would defend him at that point. She and I got into it over something really dumb and she didn't talk to me again til my daughter was born. We've m moved past it.

I have 3 stepsisters that became such when our parents married 15 years ago I think. We were all adults (the kids) so didn't grow up together. I got along with the stepsisters at first. One is about my age, other one 2 years younger, other 5 years younger. Then I am not exactly sure what happened but I realized they are pretty shady and not as nice as they seemed - same with my stepmom. So I have nothing to do with them and I'm polite to my stepmom when she's with my dad or I go home to visit. And my daughter still calls her grandma but I told my dad I'm straight up done with his wife after some bs she pulled. And the stepsisters don't even invite me or my brothers to anything anymore. Their loss not ours.

Some people you're better off not having in your life.

Response by SSG Carlos Madden made Aug 17 at 2023 3:31 PM

2023-08-17T15:31:45-04:00

Hi Richard,
Family can be stressful! It might be helpful for you to talk to a professional. We encourage you to check out this page to get connected to professional online support & in-person resources near you.
https://www.rallypoint.com/emergency-support

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