How does PTSD effect your relationship with your friends, family and Spouse?

2015-05-14T14:15:25-04:00

How does PTSD effect your relationship with your friends, family and Spouse? More importantly how do you react to those times when you are feeling your worst and have to find a way to get thru it?

This is something that I have been struggling with the past few years, I don't know if my PTSD is related to my deployment or if it is from the things that I have seen in the Fire Service. But it is there and at times hard to control.

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/family/ptsd-and-relationships.asp

Relationships and PTSD - PTSD: National Center for PTSD

Describes how trauma reactions can sometimes get in the way of closeness and connecting with others.

Response by SFC Joseph James made May 14 at 2015 2:18 PM

2015-05-14T14:18:43-04:00

My wife is the only person that can help me with what i go through. I have buddies i talk to for some things, but like "Anger wise" only my wife can talk me down. Great question!

Response by SFC Douglas Duckett made May 14 at 2015 3:09 PM

2015-05-14T15:09:48-04:00

Wow!!! Great question.

My wife of 20+ years decided that we should separate and divorce (right after my youngest child's 18 birth month). She stated I had drifted and was not in "touch" emotionally with the family anymore. That has been very painful.

But me, never quite the quitter, moved on and entered another relationship (after a couple of years), and have been in it for a year now.

Guess what. My girlfriend says I am distant and unemotional with her and her son. But I am making a strong effort on a clean slate.

I have friends that I am comfortable with (mostly from work), but only have one true friend that I am close with, one that I can truly depend on and vice-versa (other than said girlfriend).

I keep my friend circle very small, I do not like losing them; it hurts too much.

I work my way through those “down” times by going fishing. There I can socialize with strangers that I will never see again after that trip. Another thing I do is talk to my closest confidants (friend and girlfriend) when I feel the need.

Response by SSG Donald Mceuen made May 14 at 2015 3:48 PM

2015-05-14T15:48:51-04:00

Its been 25 yrs and i am still messed up. I am seeking help but my wife is my rock she has
stuck by me. And that has not been easy.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made May 14 at 2015 4:01 PM

2015-05-14T16:01:16-04:00

I do not have PTSD (that I am aware of) but I do occasionally have panic/anxiety attacks. I have long ago learned to avoid those triggers that set one off. Is this ideal? Probably not, but this works for me. What I have done for many of my friends, who do have PTSD, is being there for them. If only to let them vent or talk about their demons. The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. There are many that struggle with this every day. I am constantly trying to recruit one of my dearest friends (prior Marine) to this site because I think it would help him to see the amazing opportunity and outlet we have here to be able to discuss these important topics. This very subject is something we have discussed at length, both in person and even after I transferred. If I ever got him to finally get on here, I would tag him in this post!

Response by TSgt Christopher D. made May 14 at 2015 4:35 PM

2015-05-14T16:35:06-04:00

First, I'm truly sorry you're experiencing PTSD.

Second, I'd like to propose something to you that I believe will help.

Have you ever heard of floating in an isolation tank? Do a google search for the benefits of floating (I'd post a link, but I want to post a link to a facility near you).

This is a holistic method (no drugs) of improving our levels of stress, anxiety and depression. You will likely observe other benefits as well.

Check this place out:

http://northwestfloatcenter.com/

No, it isn't covered by health insurance, and no, they likely don't offer a military discount. That being said, I think you and the relationships you care about are more than worth the investment. Give it 3 tries... and if you do it, please let me know how the 3 floats affected you.

Northwest Float Center

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made May 14 at 2015 6:01 PM

2015-05-14T18:01:11-04:00

It might behoove of you to entertain the thought of therapy as a family or with your spouse. PTSD causes non linear behavior at times, and the wife has a hard time understanding why.

Response by SGT Kevin Brown made May 15 at 2015 11:12 PM

2015-05-15T23:12:06-04:00

I thank God daily for my family and their strength. They had stuck through with me during the worst of times and we have learned to live together in such ways that reduce my impact on them when stuff gets bad. Friends on the other hand, I have lost my fair share of, mainly because they are civilians and dont understand. I am lucky though and have a very strong support system with a few close veteran friends, other veteran famly members and a supportive wife. As far as how I deal with it....for one I have an awesome dog who keeps me grounded for the most part, I listen to my body and intervene with effective coping skills often and when that dont work I have a few safe places I can go that give me time to come back. None of that works perfectly everytime, but it has helped lessen thr impact on my wife and kids and has helped bring us all closer over time.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 28 at 2015 10:26 AM

2015-05-28T10:26:39-04:00

My wife is who I go to with all of my problems. PTSD tells me that I am alone on a constant basis, but my wife proves it wrong more so.

Lean on those you have and do not listen to what your ailments tell you.

Response by CDR Michael Goldschmidt made Jun 15 at 2015 6:59 PM

2015-06-15T18:59:40-04:00

The hardest part about my PTSD is that it has made it very difficult both to get jobs and then to keep them. I have a real problem with authority, and am irked by piss poor leadership, which I saw in the military, but nothing compared to what passes for leadership among most civilians. Being essentially unemployable leads to money issues and guilt on my part, because my wife holds down a 9-5er, and I don't feel comfortable spending money freely that she earns. I'm great at spending frugally and getting the biggest bang for the buck, making car and home repairs for us, etc., but it doesn't change the way I feel about myself. Some days, it catches up with me, and I ask myself what's the use.

This is when I need to be with other vets. Some of my neighbors are vets. There's a private, non-VA Vet Center in the next town. When things get bad, I go hang out with them. Those with PTSD are the only ones who truly understand me.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jun 15 at 2015 7:42 PM

2015-06-15T19:42:57-04:00

I went from out of control to lost to stable. Everyone says I am different, but I don't see it, I accept what they say about me. I have two ears and one mouth if you need someone to talk to.

Response by PO3 Aaron Hassay made Dec 23 at 2017 1:28 AM

2017-12-23T01:28:50-05:00

A fun interesting way to get PTSD is getting assaulted thrown about career threatned depressed at Sea by the e9 and the following encounters around him and some other bully types on the ship before I was even 22. That is not to mention many life and death experiences througts in training operation etc...that I kept to myself. Hence my blow out, change of character, fighting in public on a regular basis in my 20s and 30s short fuse danger. Now I understand the connection I did not see before therapy education. Regardless many years have passed. Many relationships lost fiances etc. I finally have benefits. What is lost on me is the thoughts the cycle of me living in that cave I was mentally fogged. There must is a better way. All my past needs to stop and have a new chapter immediatly. I need to learn to do things again. I need to start things as if the past was just a joke. It is cruel because I know damn well it was not. But I want to move on. I get in relationships that are downright terrifying. I do not know how to manage my own emotions around someone else who is experiencing panic anxiety attacks. But I notice those girls those girls of trajedy we bond and then I am left in the dust. I can not be like that. It is as if I am rewriting some old Navy Shipmate stories where some of the bullies on the ship get what they want and have no care about your long term mental physical health.

But I need and I want to be part of the healing world.

It is the only world to be part of now.

It is all I have.

Otherwise I would not be her with out therapy and support protection in that therapy.

So thanks VA.

Thanks to all those that are on here sharing.

We are the leaders of a healing cause.

I want to start motivating us each other.

We are a unique team.

We are a unique team that together we can overcome our own weakness.

I was currently thinking how it would be to create a call center experience reaching out to other VETS who are not able to get out of bed in a timely manner in the morning overwhelmed.