How has your military service or your condition affected your romantic relationships? Do you have any dating or marriage tips?

2017-02-21T11:55:36-05:00

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Response by SFC George Smith made Feb 21 at 2017 11:59 AM

2017-02-21T11:59:17-05:00

No Tips from Me ... But My Service and commitment to the Military cost me 3 marriages...
I'm Happy alone...

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2017 12:11 PM

2017-02-21T12:11:01-05:00

Almost all of my close friends in the military have been divorced at least once. This career is hell on marriages - and I commend those couples that have the tenacity to make it work.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2017 12:37 PM

2017-02-21T12:37:49-05:00

My time in the Navy cost me my engagement, it isn't an easy thing to do especially with deployments. A lot of people I know have been divorced or struggle to maintain a relationship. The best advice that I've been given is to just focus on your own life and career, people come and go if it's meant to be it's meant to be, but your career and personal well-being should be priority number one.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2017 12:41 PM

2017-02-21T12:41:17-05:00

Random question - how often do you respond to these responses to create meaningful conversation regarding the thread topic, Erin Fleming?

Response by SGT Tony Clifford made Feb 21 at 2017 3:04 PM

2017-02-21T15:04:05-05:00

The only real advice is that you either wait until after your service is over to start your family or you make damn sure that she knows exactly what the lifestyle will be. Also, don't be stupid, protect your assets. My ex-wife went after everything I had earned. I left for Korea with $80k in the bank and married. I left Korea with my bank accounts completely drained and my IRA liquidated, and going through a divorce.

Response by Maj John Bell made Feb 21 at 2017 4:16 PM

2017-02-21T16:16:43-05:00

The common advice I heard was to not take work home. That advice came from guys who were separated or divorced. So I took every bit of my day home. I discussed my work day with my wife and with my kids when they were old enough to be discreet. I got their advice, and whenever it was appropriate, they were in the unit area.

When I could give them a taste of the infantry way in the field, I did. My wife and kids could read a 1:50k map and use a lensatic compass with the best of them. We were allowed to frequent the firing range with private weapons off-duty at one post so the wife could qualify for expert Rifle badges if she had to.

At home I made sure my wife could do the things I did, but would miss because of deployment (from furnace pm's to tire rotation to appliance repair,) And when she was proficient at my chores, we switched, when I wasn't deployed so she was confident she could handle it all in my absence. (She maintains that I would have to go to remedial sweeping and mopping in her extended absence).

Thirty four years later, I have a great marriage. I am very close with my daughter and until he passed, I was close with my son.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2017 6:40 PM

2017-02-21T18:40:27-05:00

Work is work; leave it there so that when you're with your family, give them you 100% undivided attention. Continue to date your spouse and ensure you make every effort to let them know how appreciative you of them. Hard times come with this career choice, however, it's up to that married couple to figure out if they're strong enough to withstand the storm and continue to build towards the investment they put themselves into. Faith-Family-Work in that order IMHO.

Response by Lt Col Scott Shuttleworth made Feb 22 at 2017 10:17 AM

2017-02-22T10:17:42-05:00

MARRIAGE: First of all...marriage is not easy and anyone that thinks it is...is delusional. You take two people from diverse backgrounds and they join together and have to meld all of that together...it is hard work to find common ground on everything from which way the toothpaste is used to how the toilet paper hangs and better yet...how to raise children with discipline and education.
However, it is the best ride in life going through with someone that you truly love and if you truly love them you work through the issues and life is great. Say I love you, doo little things for each other like fixing lunch without being asked to do it so they don't have to worry about it the next morning, cleaning the dishes, putting gas in the car or getting the oil changed and car washed, leaving little love notes around where they least expect it, a short text saying I hope you are having a good day and I am thinking about you. This past weekend we celebrated our 25th anniversary and it was plain and simple...we were together at home without any distractions. Talk through your disagreements and sometimes it is ok to agree to disagree. Don't ever go to bed angry and not talking because it only stews in you more when you wake up. We have had some long nights but that has worked for us. Never leave each other without the last words of I LOVE YOU being said. You never know when those could actually be the last words. And when or if you are ever tempted, as an old Colonel friend told me once, about face and run like hell...don't say goodbye/call you later/see you at another time...get away from the situation because if you truly love your spouse...one mistake can ruin not only their lives, but yours, your children's, and all of your family because they all have ties...just not worth it. Finally, go in to marriage with a lifelong commitment. To many people go into marriage with the mindset of a warranty marriage....if it doesn't work out we can just get divorced and try again. Wrong approach. Life is too short to not be with someone that you truly love...if you don't truly love them, don't get married. Leave work at work...I learned this early as it was affecting my wife early in our marriage and I saw the impacts, adjusted fire and had a successful career as well. This is just my two cents on the two but my in laws have been married for 64 years and my parents would have been married for 53 this year if my father was still alive and they were great role models.

DATING: Date like you are looking for a mate. That is what dating is for. Only date the kind of people you would want to marry or think you would want to marry and find the likes and dislikes of what you want in a life long partner. When my daughter was younger we used to have daddy date night where I took her out and treated her like she should be treated so she knew what to expect. Some people want to date the bad girls or bad boys to get it out of their system. Wrong approach, date what you want in life and if you meet that person then you will know. No one is perfect so don't be looking for that perfect match...if you believe someone is perfect, you will be disappointed.

MILITARY ON RELATIONSHIPS: This is another strain on families but if there is love, true love there, then it will work out. My wife always told me that she was there for me whether or not I was at home or on foreign soil. That she would be there for me when I came home, and she was.

Response by CW4 Angel C. made Feb 22 at 2017 7:46 PM

2017-02-22T19:46:44-05:00

Sex and romance are different things and both require attention. My BH conditions have affected both areas at one point or another. Tips: Doing stuff for the other person or taking time for her can lead to romance and sex.

Response by CPT Larry Hudson made Feb 27 at 2017 5:55 PM

2017-02-27T17:55:39-05:00

Courted my girl (wife) via mail while in Vietnam. Decided to marry before returning to the US. Best friend and companion for 46 years now